My boyfriend (32M) and I (26F) have been together for about seven months, and we're discussing potentially moving for his career. He's an attorney and is waiting to hear back about a dream job opportunity. If he gets it, we'll likely do long-distance for about six months before I move to join him. He'd be going back to the area he grew up in and has a social circle there already.

I love him and genuinely see a future with him, but the possibility of moving has brought up a lot of insecurities I didn't realize I had. I'm worried that I won't fit in with his friends or the life he's building.

My boyfriend went to a private undergrad, top law school, has a very successful career, and is potentially about to make significantly more money than I could ever dream of making. Most of his friends are also attorneys with impressive backgrounds and high-paying jobs. I'm a middle school teacher working toward my master's so I can be a reading specialist. I went to a regular state university, doing my master's through a state university, I don't make much money, and feel like I'm constantly struggling to keep my head above water between work, grad school, and everyday adult shit.

I know I've worked hard to get where I am, and I genuinely love teaching. I'm proud of what I do, it's an important job. But sometimes it's difficult not to compare myself to people who have worked just as hard and have so much more to show for it financially and professionally. I feel like I'm putting in all this effort just to stay afloat while everyone around me is moving ahead. All I have to show for the last five years of my career is a sad bank account and a box full of letters/card/pictures my students have made me (Which is invaluable to me, but not useful in the real world)

I'm generally feeling anxious about fitting into his social circle when I move. He's told me multiple times that his friends are excited to meet me, and I have absolutely no reason to believe they'd judge me or make me feel unwelcome. I know this fear is irrational, which makes it even more frustrating. I haven't even met these people, yet I'm already convincing myself that I won't be good enough to fit in.

I find myself comparing myself to other women and worrying that I need to be more put together before moving. I feel like I need to become a different version of myself to belong in his world. My boyfriend has never ever made me feel inferior. He's SO incredibly supportive of my career and grad studies, and he's even offered to cover our rent if/when we move in together because of the difference in our incomes.

I think a lot of this just comes from feeling overwhelmed with my own life. Between teaching and grad school, I'm exhausted and often feel like I'm barely managing everything. Meanwhile, my boyfriend seems so established and successful. Sometimes I catch myself wondering whether he'd be happier with someone who was more like him.

I haven't vocalized these particular insecurities to my boyfriend because I know they're coming from my own self-esteem issues rather than anything he's done. I'm currently in therapy and actively working on my self-esteem, but it's still something I struggle with. I know someone's worth isn't determined by their salary, education and I would never judge another person by those standards. I just can't seem to extend that same understanding to myself.

I'm genuinely so proud of my boyfriend and everything he's accomplished, I just wish I could feel equally proud of myself instead of constantly worrying that I don't measure up. I'm a good person, I love my job, I've done good in life overall, and ngl I'm hot. I should be so proud of myself and I'm just not. Anyone been in a similar situation? How do you stop comparing yourself and feel more confident?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have very different careers and financial situations, and I'm worried about fitting into his world when we move.

Hi Guys!

I need some advice on how to handle an issue in my relationship. Lately I feel like whenever I try communicating how I feel, it just ends up turning into an argument, and I need guidance on what to actually do here or whether I’m just being petty.

Also, for context we have been in a long distance relationship for the last 5.5 months but this will be done in another 3 months.

I (22F) in a relationship with (21M) have been in a relationship for 3 years 3 months now. At the start it was lovely, so lovely, he replied fast to me, typed in caps lock (cringe ik but it was our thing), used to baby talk (once again cringe I realise but it was cute for us), have silly banter, he always told me plans as soon as he made them, i was the first person he would go to if he found something exciting, used to always compliment me, never exactly planned the dates but would always initiate dates, would tell me he would miss me and randomly say he loves me, always wanted to call me. Even sexually, we used to be at it every time we saw each other but now it’s once a week at best, he would always initiate things sexually whether it be via text or in real life.

Fast forward to now, texts have become lowercase (i guess that’s just us maturing?), barely baby talk (once again probs maturing), barely have the banter we had before, he would tell me plans he has right before he’s going to leave, forgets to tell me the exciting things no that’s going on in his life, barely every compliments me like he compliments my work but none of my appearance (last time he complimented me properly and called me pretty was 3 months ago when he was wishing me for our anniversary), i do send him picture of my face and what I’m doing, only to receive a random gif in return, however, if i send a nude he does react positively, but why only my body? With regards to dates, it seems like he just wants to spend time at home with me, which is fine i guess, but i also wanna do things with him outside. And also in the 5.5 months of long distance, he has never said he missed me unless i said it first and never randomly said he loves me, although we do say we love each other on text before we go to sleep. And calls wise, he barely initiates and it took us 4 months for us to have our first video call which i feel is crazy, especially after we’ve in a relationship for literally 3 years and didn’t compliment me on the call, which is okay i guess but I felt myself holding back complimenting him just because he’d only compliment me if i complimented him first, which is such a toxic mindset to have I realise, but is it wrong for a girl to want her bf to call her pretty? With regard to sexual intimacy within these last 5.5 months, I’m the one who has to randomly send him a nude, or initiate a freaky text to which he will respond, but it’s never him first which once again is fine because he will also respond with a nude if asked. But now, i asked him for a nude almost 2 months ago and followed up, he said he would send it and i said ‘tell me if u feel pressured, there’s no need to send it if u don’t want to’, but he said, ‘no ofc i want to, i just need to find a time to shave when my mums not home’. 2 months later and nothing, even despite following up for 3 times (I wouldn’t have followed up if he said he was uncomfortable/he didn’t want to) and I gave up, ever since we haven’t really had any freaky texts which is fine, but i just miss the old us. He also used to call me cute pet names but now it’s just baby.

I have communicated ALL of this with him. When I sent him a picture of what i was doing where I thought I looked cute and I just wanted his reaction too, I didn’t like how he responded to the picture and I said ‘hey I would appreciate it if you could compliment me more, I love hearing those words from you, it makes me feel loved and reassured and special’ and I sent a whole essay of how it made me feel. In response to which, he asked if he could call coz he didn’t want to send essays to each other. Once he picked up, I voiced my concern once again and he said ‘I didn’t know compliments were so important, I don’t care about it that much, why do you? I feel like I have improved though after you’ve communicated it before, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you because I never know what to say.’ For context, I have previously been a bit disappointed about him not complimenting me when I’m all dressed up just for him, and also sending him gym pump photos to which he just said ‘nice pose’ and sent him a whole nude to which he was super dry with the reaction. But this was before, when I would resort to silent treatment as opposed to actually communicating my feelings and I’ve been actively trying to work on that because it was him who even suggested to do so, coz he can’t read my mind, which honestly I think is fair. Another argument we had was the fact that I was reading through our previous chats and I expressed how much I loved hiking and suggested that we go so many times to which he would keep deferring the plans but always would go on hikes with his friends. So I brought that up recently about dates in general and I said, ‘I would appreciate if you could initiate more dates, I love going out with you and it will be so fun and our spark won’t die if we do exciting things together’ and he once again said ‘I feel like I’ve improved, when u said this a year back, I was planning dates’, keep in mind he only planned for a few weeks and then it went back to how he was originally. I responded with ‘but u only did it for a couple of weeks which I appreciate but it feels like I have to keep reminding u’ and he replied with ‘yea because I have to keep picking u up and dropping u off and it’s such a trek for me’ and I said ‘why didn’t u just tell me that, we could have met halfway’ and he said ‘I thought u would understand’. I assumed he was okay with it because I lived close to university in a dorm so he could just go uni once we are done hanging out, and I do get a bit anxious about going to his house because his mum is always there and the fact that I have to be on my best behaviour at all times and can’t chill as much, so I guess him knowing this played a role in not telling me.
There’s more but I feel like I’ve already rambled on so much. If you guys wanna know more I can tell you. Overall he is a good guy, he is very loyal, helped me move houses, dropped me off at the airport, tells me where he is at all times, nice to other people, didn’t want me to take birth control coz it will have side effects on me, etc etc. so yes, he is a good guy but it’s the little stuff like this.

How do I actually get through to him about needing this effort and reassurance without making him feel defensive or like he’s walking on eggshells? What steps can we take to fix this before the distance ends?

tl;dr: My bf [21M] has stopped complimenting me, initiating calls/dates, or putting in effort during our 5.5-month LDR. Every time I try communicating my needs, he gets defensive and says he feels like he’s walking on eggshells.

Together six years.

We're currently going through a turbulent phase because I'm unhappy enough to consider breaking up. One major factor in this is our communication.

Our communication does not seem to be aligned a very well. He has continuously made me feel like it would be a bad idea for me to stand up for myself because it just ends up being a big hassle and he doesn't understand me and then gets frustrated over not understanding me. He doesn't see it that way though, and is of the opinion that he's always a supportive boyfriend and wants me to be open in our communication.

I'm currently trying to have it out over everything I used to sweep under the rug because otherwise I'm basically dying on the inside and am building up a lot of resentment. But especially since I've started to push back more, we've been clashing a lot.

Example: I'm sick today. When he came in in the morning I told him I felt sick in a very "aw dang, I didn't feel well yesterday evening and now I'm worse." type of way. He immediately told me that I should go to the pharmacy today and ask them if they have anything for me to get better soon. I told him that I might do that, but that what I'm sick with will not get me more info or something to get better by from a pharmacist. They will most likely just tell me to go to a doctor about it according to my own experience with them.

He then went on to tell me that he felt like I didn't accept what he said and that I immediately shot him down. And I'm just thinking "???" because sure, I didn't say "of course, what a great idea!", but I did engage with his suggestion and it's not like I'm physically dying and should go to a hospital or something. I understand that he cares for me, but I'm a grow woman who's been sick numerous times throughout the years and I have managed to pull through so far. Me having a different opinion over my own health and what I want to do to get better shouldn't be a major point of shared discussion in my opinion - especially if we're talking about me having basically a bad cold and not something like cancer.

I thought we had a low stakes discussion or sharing of thoughts, but he felt dejected and frustrated instead. He feels like my answers don't match what he said to me.

If the roles were reversed, I would've suggested the pharmacy and if he didn't feel like it or didn't see the point in it, I would've left it at that.

We constantly have tiny issues like that. He easily gets disappointed or will feel dejected when I don't engage with him in the way he wanted me to engage. He'll put his own needs first and expects me to put my own needs first too, and then we should see what comes out of that. (Took me ages to figure that one out because I am not familiar with that sort of conflict of interest resolution tactic.) I'm feeling like I used to bend a lot to have us work on issues as a team, and now I'm no longer able to do this sort of self sacrifice - and now he calls me inconsiderate or tells me I'm rejecting him or insinuates that I'm not a team player. I just feel like there seem to be some basic value differences that come out in how we communicate and what we want from communication.

And to refer to the title: I feel like there are a lot of emotions that he puts on me with a looot of things. There always seems to be some deeper emotional meaning of high importance to everything, and it stresses me out. I used to just talk to people if we had an issue and I always felt like I could contain my emotions to myself pretty well. Putting shame, guilt, rejection, disappointment or frustration onto someone else is something I only ever did if there was no way around it and I needed the other person to understand my emotional space. If I couldn't get through to someone with just explaining what happened on a logical level, then I would unpack the emotional level for a couple of minutes with them and then return to the much less exhausting and less painful logical level. That way I felt like we would understand each other, respect each other and truly meet each other as equals because no one felt like they were forced to react a certain way based on the strong emotions of the other person.

For my boyfriend, it's the opposite.

He doesn't contain his emotions, he'll freely make me responsible for them and he seems to have an emotional reaction to a lot of things - especially when I don't do what he expected me to do, or react in his expected way. An "alright, you sound like you know what you're doing with the pharmacy" becomes "you don't engage with my suggestions enough and I feel like you don't hear me". An "Oof, the handyman is coming in the day you're working in the office and I'm at home - I really wanted to do something outside of the house that day, but it's the most logical for me to stay home for this although it sucks" becomes "I really don't want to stay in that day. I already have other plans and I feel like it's unfair that I'd have to stay home for this". A "you were in the bathroom for 15 minutes and we don't have cell service here, so you didn't scroll on your phone - is your stomach alright?" becomes " It's so inconsiderate of you that you didn't take your wallet with you when you were gone for that long. I could've also used the restroom in that time but now I had to look after our valuables instead. And you didn't tell me either that you'd be gone for so long before you went.".

There have been many conversations during which I thought we would solve the issue at hand in a pragmatic way without involving deeper emotions and meanings about who we are as partners, and left the conversation feeling like the world's worst girlfriend because he usually has to argue the emotional case first (and always has an emotional case, it seems), and my reactions and ways of discussion don't match with what he wants from me.

Just constant small to large accusations and his feelings at the center. And he does not see it that way at all - I've tried to broach that topic. He is instead proud of immediately bringing up issues he has with someone because he feels like he is being honest that way. I don't know if he truly understands that him making me feel bad for ever thing he feels uncomfortable with or doesn't agree 100% with, is wearing me down. The vast amount and emotional intensity about it is what makes it especially hard to deal with.

I can feel that I'm exhausted about this. I didn't communicate with him properly for the majority of our relationship because it always felt like I was getting into a boxing ring over the smallest issues when I didn't nod and align myself with him in some way, and I was tired of feeling like a bad person whenever I stood up for myself - whether that's because he turned it on me or because he wouldn't contain his own feelings when he felt ashamed or sad about something he did, and I had to comfort him.

And he just doesn't see it the same way even remotely.

How would you go about a communication difference like this? Did anyone experience something similar and has some words of wisdom about it? Am I not seeing something here? Is my communication style completely incompatible with his? Do I need to work on my empathy and compassion and understand here and focus on the emotions first all the time?

TLDR: My boyfriend seems to put a lot of emotions into every conversation we have, and feels constantly disappointed, dejected and frustrated over minor things. Even low stakes conversations often end with us having a tense conversation about how I could've reacted better and been a better communicator. I'm not sure how to handle this any longer.

Me (22M) and my gf (21F) are in our final year of university, and we have been together for almost 3 years. Things have been amazing during these years, we've never really clashed and we've had so much fun together. We've talking about our future, and we've always said that we will be with each other forever.

But recently things have changed, and it's a long story.

TLDR: after getting a glimpse of what working entails, she isn't sure if she sees me in her future especially next to her parents who she is very close to, and is acting distant and not very communicative which had never been the case before. She is scared of arguing and her mind is probably racing with so many anxious thoughts. What do I do to help?

She just finished an internship and realised what her future job would entail, and ever since then she's been acting distant and a lot more independent (not a problem at all when we're apart, but it is when she's doing it while we're together - things like letting me carry her bags, sharing a umbrella etc. that she used to do and were cute she never does anymore because 'she's independent' and 'her own person').

We had a conversation about our future after the internship and I started by saying 'I promise I will be with you forever no matter what, we just need to figure out how we're going to do that now that we have to consider our future properly'. We both want to live apart for a few years with family (1.5hrs away by train so very easy to see each other, especially as her future job will be closer to me than her family anyway) to save up money to buy a house together (we already have experienced living together), and that's never ever been a problem. We've always been very committed to this future. Until that conversation.

She told me about how she thinks our lives are too different, and about how she doesn't want to 'replace' her family with me, and now she's even considering living with her family forever. She's always been super close to them, and I have always said I would love to live near them and that's always been OK. Now it seems like that isn't OK enough for her. She even suggested she wouldn't want to meet up after work or spend weeknights at mine as she'd just want to go back to her family. I know it was probably a reaction to the stress of an internship, but it scared me and I told her I'm worried she'll 'move on' in the future because of this. We didn't resolve anything then.

We then couldn't talk about it for 2 weeks as we were on a family trip with her parents. When we moved in to our university hall of accommodation (where we're staying together in a couple room), we were able to.

On our first evening there, we talked about it again. It was less emotional this time, but she said she doesn't know if her future includes me anymore. I said I'm confident that mine does, and I trust her to figure things out. She said she doesn't know how she feels and can't talk about it now, so I agreed to wait.

But I couldn't just wait endlessly, so 2 weeks later I brought it up again and said we need to talk because I need to know where she stands on our future. This was the big conversation.

She said out of the blue that she 'thinks we might be better as friends', something I'd never even considered as a possible thing she'd say. She said it was because we kept getting on each other's nerves, especially because the place we are staying in is quite cramped. And it's made worse by the fact that I booked it for both of us on a tight deadline during her internship, at a time where she hadn't made a decision and couldn't in time for the deadline. I booked it instead of another place because I felt it would be better for both of us, but she wishes she was at the other place because it's more cramped here than we expected (we've both stayed at the other place before and it is nicer - but it involved us staying in separate gender double rooms). So she resents the room we're in, and she says she resents me a little for choosing to stay here. She said I 'pressured her' into saying yes to staying here while we were discussing it over call, but she never told me that as we were chatting and I never felt I was acting that way (in fact I thought I tried my best to make sure I didn't). I was just trying to share all the pros and cons of both places which I felt she hadn't considered.

So her frustrations, and the cramped place leading to us arguing more than we ever have before, meant she thought we would be 'better as friends'. She said she didn't want to 'change me' to fit what she wanted, and that wouldn't be fair on me. I said that's ridiculous, and all relationships go through bumpy stressful periods, but the important thing is how you get through them and that you get through them together, and you work on yourselves during that. She said 'I don't want to always feel like this', meaning frustrated with me, resentful and stressed. I said once we've solved this, we shouldn't be feeling this way forever. Once again, a relationship will always have bumpy patches and we're very lucky we haven't had one yet.

So we told each other what we both need, and I have been trying to improve upon my things. And we agreed to wait and see how we feel in a month or so.

Things were getting a bit better after, although we still weren't saying 'I want to be with you forever' etc. and it still wasn't like normal - mainly on her part. Everytime I try to act cute etc. is met with significantly less of a reply than before. I know it's because she processes things slowly and it takes her a while, but it's not easy for me, which she does know.

A couple days ago we had another discussion, this time initiated by me. It started over something tiny, and became a bigger issue. She didn't like something I was doing, I apologised and then she immediately shut off (she does this a lot after I apologise, I think it's just the way her brain works). So I apologised again because I thought something was still wrong, and she got frustrated that I'm apologising too much, but she didn't tell me that. So then I tried to do something nice to apologise (unnecessary I know, but I felt like I should) but she got even more angry at that and told me I just need to apologise once.

That bothered me, so I said that I don't want to apologise more than once, but I don't know what to do when she just closes herself off so much and feels so awkward anytime we have an apology, conversation or argument. I told her I need her to communicate better with me, especially now. I said I need us to be fully open and honest with each other now because of everything that is going on between us, and that is how we'll get through everything. I told her, and tried not to be rude in doing so, that being more honest maybe would have resulted in us staying at the other nicer place, and it would prevent future things from becoming bigger issues.

She told me 'I shouldn't have to ask' and that she doesn't think arguments between couples are healthy, and that she doesn't want to be arguing with me forever. I told her that's what it means to be in a serious long-term relationship. I told her I know she gets stressed when we argue, I know that she finds it hard to express her emotions, but I really need her to try. I want to do everything I can to help her with that, but I can't if she just shuts off entirely and waits for things to 'resolve themselves'. She says she understands and she will try. We had that conversation, we ended it, and hopefully things will get a bit better on that front now.

But the issue still remains that she is acting so differently towards me now as she did a few months ago before the internship. She doesn't snuggle as much (I know the bed we have is small, but still), she doesn't initiate sex almost ever now (she says it's because she doesn't want to be stressed before her period, which she was before - but it was never an issue then), she doesn't say I love you with as much love as before, and she just overall seems more distant. She has made jokes about how 'that's just the person she is' and she's 'independent' and doesn't like 'kissing in public' even if it's a small goodbye kiss - even though she did before. I want to bring this up to her, but I don't want to just keep making it seem like she's the problem. I also don't want her to think we're just constantly arguing. I love her more than everything, and I want this to work because I am so sure that it can. In my eyes our life ambitions are very similar, and our lives are very compatible. I look up to her so much and do genuinely trust her, but I know she's got so many thoughts racing through her mind right now about our future, her job, her family, the cramped place we're in etc. that it's making things very challenging for her. I've told her we need to 'work together' not 'against each other' and she agreed, but little has changed.

I don't want to lose her as she makes me so happy, but I don't know what to do or say to help get her back. I don't even know if there is anything I can do.

How should I approach this now?

TL;DR- My bf is basically unemployed and lazy and I'm sick of it

Me and my bf have been together since we were 18. We're polar opposites but we've made it work and it was going good, we were madly in love and everything. We've been together for 5 years. But lately, my bf has changed. Like, he has given up his career goals, given up his health, exercise, hobbies and everything.

Everyday he's out late partying and hanging out with friends. He basically does no work and is just out with his friends the whole day. I've tried communicating with him, but he says he needs time and needs to explore more about what he really wants to do in his life. This has been going on for an year now. I am okay with him not going to college or not working right now, but a person should do something meaningful with his life, right? And this has been such a turnoff for me. He's getting more short tempered everyday and that shit triggers me a lot. These days I just keep quiet instead of fighting to preserve my energy. I've been feeling like breaking off, but I'm afraid to be alone as I've no other friends and I'm not close to my family. What do I do?

As the tittle states, I am having thoughts about ending my relationship with my partner. We’ve been together for a little over a year. In that time we have broken up multiple times. From him thinking he’s gay to me worrying about the future or lack of future children to him thinking I’m better off without him, we’ve had a lot of downs. We have also had a lot of ups. From new jobs, new homes and finding light within each other.

Recently I have relocated back to my childhood home after some problems with old living arrangements and our relationship has been a bit rocky. First, not a month after I moved back home, he broke up with me because he thought I deserved better than him and we were apart for a bout 2 months. We did get back together and it’s been good. Or so I thought.

This past weekend we had our second monthly weekend together. We made it an early Halloween weekend and watched our favorite movies, made Halloween themed snacks and carved pumpkins. We had a good time together except for the fact that I had this fake smile on my face. I just couldn’t be truly happy and I don’t know if he noticed but I did. I have been having these hours that since I’m not happy then we should break up. I have been racking my brain for a way to talk myself down from doing it and my only reason is that I hate being alone but that is not a reason to stay in a relationship. I know that. I just feel like I’m stuck and my heart wants two different things. I don’t know. I need some advice and I can’t ask on my main socials because he follows me on all of them except here. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated!

TL:DR I am having conflicted thoughts about ending my relationship with my boyfriend and need some advice

I'm looking for advice on how to better support my girlfriend(22F), while I'm 24M. She's in her final year at UCLA, but had to take some time off because of mental health struggles. Over the past four weeks, I've noticed she's been sleeping a lot, like a whole lot. Sometimes for up to 14 hours a day. And she takes naps throughout the day as well. She's been neglecting things like laundry and washing her sheets, and sometimes doesn't wake up to get ready and go to her morning classes. Doesn't text back for days at a time. She often tells me she didn't go to class that day, and it's becoming and common occurrence. She stays in her apartment all day, and doesn't go out.

I want to ask her if there’s anything I can do to help, but she always says she’s fine and that it’s not a big deal. I worry about her because it doesn’t seem normal to skip classes and sleep so much. I feel like I’m always checking in on her, but she seems pretty relaxed about everything. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, whether I should back off and let her do her own thing and just be there for her, take a break, or end things. If anyone has any advice or has a similar situation and what did you do? Do you think you did the right thing?

TLDR: Basically I'm(24M) worried about my gf(F22) because she's been skipping classes, not going to school, not doing laundry, and sleeping for 14 hrs. at night then she she is up during the day, she says she's still tired and takes more naps. She struggles with depression and says she's trying tog et better but I'm concerned if this is going to become worse or what should I do to best support her?

I’m 22M and my girlfriend is 25F. We’ve been together for 5 years, and I love her more than anything. I’ve travelled to see her many times and am currently attending college with the goal of transferring closer to her.When we met, I was immature and had poor communication skills, but I’ve worked hard to become a better partner. I try my best to support and understand her, but whenever she feels overwhelmed or worries about the future, she blocks me on everything. I understand she struggles, but it really hurts because I put so much effort into our relationship. I feel lost because I love her and want to help her, but I don’t know what else I can do.

TL;DR I love her more than anything and just want her to be okay. I’ve done everything I can to support her but I feel lost kind of because what I can do to help her

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. We met online; talked for about 2 months before dating. We’ve had our share of ups and downs in our relationship, as well as bad fights where the relationship was either going to end or not.

The first 6 months of our relationship I wasn’t aware but noticed a handful of behavior patterns that didn’t seem normal and uncalled for. Fast forward, I learned and he confessed that he has an alcohol problem. In the beginning of our relationship it was bad when it came to fights; he would shout and scream. I chose to stick through it but set clear boundaries with him about how he talks and treats me. He had 2 bad withdrawals and I was through it all with him as when he was sober he was amazing, and a great partner but when he was under the influence it would be bad and cause me to shut down, be quiet and very weary of how to be around him.

He’s done a lot better and we thought if maybe he could find something else to help he could ween off of alcohol and be better. So he chose weed, I told him he can’t do both and he told me he wouldn’t and will only use weed so that he’s not drinking. I gave it a couple of months but caught on that he was going to continue drinking. His consumption wasn’t excessive as it use to be, and I would tell myself he’ll stop.

I confided in him in the past that I deserve a sober him and that it’s not fair for him to supposedly not drink during the week but when I get to see him he’s drunk. I told him I’m scared that I’ll grow to resent him.

He’s half way through school, he doesn’t excessively drink like he used to but I also feel like that’s a lie. And I think I’m starting to resent him. We talked about marriage, having kids, and me moving in. But with our recent bad arguments I told him and I tell myself I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. I want to have hope that he will stop and be the man I fell in love with; but at the same time I’m worried that all the hard work he put in to drink less and work to become sober, on top of going to school again. I’m worried he will go back to drinking excessively and destroy his life… he’s informed me in the past in casual conversations of what he hypothetically would be doing if he hadn’t met me. And let’s just say it’s terrible.

I care and do love him; but I feel like I’m losing myself and him. How does one continue to work on a relationship like this? I feel bad as I saw him last weekend and I couldn’t find myself to be intimate with him.

I know this road isn’t easy, I don’t expect him to be perfect as I’m not either; I see him putting forth his effort in being better. But I’m at lost…

**TL;DR;** :
My boyfriend has an alcohol problem which he’s been trying to work on stopping, I’ve given him time; chances and setting a firm boundary that since he’s starting weed to help him stop drinking he can’t do both. Which he hasn’t kept his promise on. I’m starting to resent him and the relationship; but I love and care about him but unsure of how to proceed with the relationship as I fear if I leave he will destroy his life by going back to excessively drinking. What do I do?

I (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been in a relationship for quite a few months now. We met at work, and despite not initially wanting to be in a relationship after he asked me out, a few months of friendship and casual dates eventually changed my mind. He’s sweet, considerate to my feelings, and I don’t really have to ask for things. We share similar political opinions which is important to me, and we’ve generally never had any big issues. A few months into our relationship we both moved for college, but for the most part the distance hasn’t been an issue and we’re excited to plan visits to each other. However, there’s one main problem. Since we’ve officially gotten together, I’ve noticed he has a habit of complaining about ALL of the problems he creates, but is willing to do absolutely nothing to fix
it. Like picking up three full double shifts in a row at work after weeks of us agreeing he hates it and doesn’t need it (no bills,) and then constantly saying he feels like death and is sick, nauseous, didn’t eat after reminding him to, hates work, is miserable there, nobody will take his shift two hours before, etc. Or he will spend $500 on card games in a month, and then complain people don’t trust his spending habits.

The last major factor is the way he depicts himself to me. He will randomly talk in a baby voice, which most people do occasionally, but in reference to himself. Like he will switch into a baby voice to describe what he’s doing or what he’s going to do, and it’s such a small thing I don’t say anything but it really irks me for some reason 😭 along with that he is so sensitive towards what I say. As an overly sensitive person at first I understood him wanting reassurance, but it’s like if I don’t say “I love YOU more” for the 7th time, he gets genuinely upset. And you can apply that same logic to any other normal conversation or question. It all really hurts him, or he takes slight sarcasm like it’s a declaration against him and his feelings.

None of this was a real issue at first, but it’s driving me crazy, and he’s supposed to come visit and stay with me for my first Halloween at college, which I’ve been excited about for years. He’s more introverted than me, hates parties, and will definitely want to leave after 20 minutes. I’m worried this visit could either make me lash out at him or ruin my entire excitement towards the weekend plans. Last time he visited, all my stress towards him left and we had a great time, and it took two weeks for me to feel agitation towards him again. I have NO idea what to do. Reddit, what do I do? 😭😭

Tl;dr, boyfriend pisses me off until we visit in person, worried about Halloween plans.

I m 18 and currently in 12th grade and due to some reasons i joined online gc and found a beautiful girl named x
She is 17 and she lives in a different state than me
i kinda like her and find her attractive and i wanna be in a relationship with her but I don’t think she would be in online relationship
She is a good English speaker and is in 11th grade from some days she is kinda replying me dry and i feel like losing my connection with her but i like her and I don’t want her to stop talking with me and yesterday she send me a voice note and her voice is sweet ❤️
She has no past or had any relationship and thats the thing i like most about her
I wanted to tell her i like her but I don’t know what she wants?
tl;dr i wanna be in a relationship with my online crush but I don’t know what she wants’

For context, we started dating in grade 10 of high school and it is now our final year of university.

For the majority of our relationship I feel that we have been extremely in love and have shared some incredible memories. I would not trade any of my time with him for anything else and would never regret how we have spent university and previously our high school experience.

There have definitely been ups and downs of our relationship, especially following one year of being with each other and during our first year of university. Most of these issues arrised from mental health issues related to depression and nearly dropping out of university. Through this time, he has helped me stay in school and has supported me and cooked for me and hangs out with me when I am sad. I have also tried my best to support him when he is going through similar emotions and working through them together.

As our time in school ends together, I am trying to think of the next steps in our futures. I see a divergence in our paths and him more inclined to city life while my career will involve travel and time in more rural areas. We are both unsure about kids and we both agree that we would not consider marriage till we have lived with each other for two years. Through the entire span of our relationship (7y) we have never lived together although we spend a lot of time at each others places and are thinking of moving in together after school. He seems pretty set on continuing our life together however my gut is telling me that things may not work out and I don’t want to waste his time or mine.

I have been thinking about future issues of us both never being single as adults and how this could build resentment or difficulty figuring out who I am as a person before committing. I also would like to get a better reign on my personal mental health issues and goals but I can’t decide if I will be able to figure this out with him or if I need time alone.

I also feel like he may be in a similar state and is unsure of what he wants fully after school, and he also has difficulty making friends. I felt emotionally stunted with him in our first and second year of university as we pretty much stuck together and have had difficulty branching out which I feel could happen again after school if this pattern continues.

I genuinely want the best life for him and I want him to make friends and realize his goals but do not want to hold him back or hurt him.

I have had difficulty finding people in similar situations so I am reaching out here for some advice or opinions. Thank you.

TL;DR
Can’t decide if I should break up with my boyfriend of 7 years before university ends. I am worried about differences in where we want to live and growing as a person who has never been single as an adult.

I (36/F) have a friend (35/F) who I suspect is struggling with her mental health (possibly postpartum?) but who also is a bit exhausting and even mean. I'm running out of ideas for how to not only help her but also stay friends with her, if I even want to do that.

Context: Friend is part of a larger group of 7 girl friends who went to school together. We are all mid-30s, about half are now married with small kids, some in relationships but without children (like me) and 1 single. 4 of us live in the same city and see each other somewhat often, but everyone lives within ~3hrs and visit each other for special occasions. She has 2 healthy kids under 5 and moved ~2hrs away to have more space and a bigger house with her husband, who is a nice and responsible guy and they are both healthy and AFAIK financially pretty comfortable. I don't see her often anymore but she's still part of group chats and invited to things, friends on social.

The problem is that in the past few years she has seemed kind of miserable in an aggressive way, refuses help, takes everything very personally and seems to lash out even when it has nothing to do with her. Things like:

• I mentioned going to a play with my boyfriend and she replied "Must be nice. I'll never get to do anything like that again." I don't know how to respond to things like this, other than make sure I don't accidentally tell her about doing anything fun, which isn't how friendship works.
• Another friend sent photos of outfits she was considering for a family wedding to the group chat asking for help deciding and Debbie Downer turned it into a conversation about how she doesn't fit into her old clothes and can't be stylish and is just a frumpy mum forever now etc. Everyone rushed to reassure her and she kept saying things like "I don't need your pity, I understand that I'm ugly now. I'm completely disgusting but I'm actually at peace with it."
  
• One of our friends has been through the wringer with IVF, which has caused her a lot of anxiety and disappointment. This woman has the gall to respond to her talking about the struggles with reminders that if she doesn't have kids at least she'll still be able to have fun, which I find rude because the other friend is really quite upset about it all and very much wants children. I'm actually very upset on the other friend's behalf.
• If any of us who live nearer together do things together (girls night, kids birthday party, etc) post a photo of us online, she'll usually leave some sort of offputting "good for you" type comment.
• Two of the mums in the group invited her and her kids to go to a children's museum recently and she lashed out saying that they didn't understand how taxing the long drive would be for her and the kids, that her kids aren't going to know how to behave at a museum anyhow and then very sarcastically told them to have fun without her.
  
• After another similar incident this summer of her angrily turning down an invitation, I suggested a few of us visit her town (area known for great hiking, skiing etc. lots of cabins and such for rent, fun outdoors activities for kids, it would be a nice weekend.) She got very angry (nobody was asking to stay with her, just vacation nearby and visit) because it would be so much work to clean the house to have people visit and so we abandoned the idea because it escalated so quickly.

Multiple times people have offered to visit her, watch her kids, help find a sitter, send her things or money, or gone out of their way to try and include her. She always refuses, even acting offending that people have offered. She didn't used to be like this, and another friend who is also a mum who struggled with postpartum gently asked about her mental health and if she needed help, and Debbie Downer lashed out saying that she's fine just nobody understands how hard it is to have kids.

It's really hard to talk to her, because every conversation gets redirected to how she can't have hobbies, be alone, listen to music or podcasts, wear nice clothes, go to restaurants, go to the movies, socialize, watch tv shows for adults, etc as a mum. I want to be sympathetic but it's far above and beyond what other mums in our group seem to experience, and some of them are quite a bit worse off than she is. She's rejected so many offers of help and solidarity at this point, and I find some of the things she says mean and difficult to tolerate. Others in the group agree with me but we also believe that she is having a rough time so we don't want to exclude her, but it's becoming difficult. What should I do?

TLDR: A friend seems very depressed and resentful about her children, refusing offers of help and lashing out at people when we invite her to things, offer help or even just mention doing something she feels she can't ever do again now that she has kids. I want to be supportive of my friend, but I find her miserable, aggressive comments offputting and even sometimes cruel, and she's rejected offers of help and concern about her wellbeing. How do I handle this?

I don't know how to feel about it, we have been extremely close friends for over a year and recently we've started to say more sexual and intimate things to each other. I don't want to lose my best friend, and i don't want an online relationship (she lives halfway across the country.) I have always had trust issues with people, but I met her at a low point in my life and she was there for me, so I trust her more than anyone. She is who I would go to if I wanted to get something off my chest. I say this because I can't help but trust her a lot less now that we feel this way.

It should be known that I'm the one that was pushing the boundaries, testing the waters to see what I could say to her and have her reciprocate it, but I think it's gone too far. Every "intimate" thing I say to her, she says something just like it. It's not longer testing the waters we are neck deep lol. I enjoy my time with her, and I enjoy the things we say to each other, but I miss just being close friends. It feels a lot different now and I don't know what to do or think about it. Nevermind the age gap haha

TL;DR: Fell in love with best friend, miss being friends, don't know how to feel

I am dating someone, my boyfriend. It's been 3 months. He knows about my past relationship, which was kinda toxic. My ex used me financially and physically and made me so emotionally destructive.

So, my current boyfriend knows about my past. But my ex sent him a Facebook friend request, and he accepted it. Now, they are talking in a friendly manner, as he said.

I told him that it hurts me because I put so much effort into getting out of that toxic relationship. I was also physically and emotionally isolated throughout my teenage years, with no romantic or physical connection.

I think my ex used me.

So, my boyfriend told me today that he had a talk with my ex about maintaining boundaries and not pursuing any romantic intentions. It seems like they are talking on calls now, too.

He knows my feelings and how much I was hurt, yet he still wants to keep in touch with him.

I didn't tell him to cut things off because it's his freedom to choose who he wants to talk to. Yet, it's affecting me.

Whenever he talks about my ex, I feel like I am distancing myself from my boyfriend because I want to close that chapter of my life. I have closed it, but I feel like my boyfriend is trying to reopen an old wound.

I am 23, and he is 26. We started dating when he was going through a breakup with his ex. We were friends before we started dating.

What do you think? What should I do? Any suggestions on how to handle this?

TL;DR: My boyfriend knows how toxic my past relationship was, yet he chooses to stay in contact with my ex. I respect his freedom, but it hurts me and makes me emotionally distant. Am I wrong for feeling this way, and how should I handle it?

I have been with my boyfriend (25M) for 1 year.

Most of arguments stem from me crying too often because things are not in my favour. When I cry for such reasons, he says that i’m too immature because i’m crying to get what I want, which is not entirely true. Sometimes, I cry when i get icked but it doesn’t mean I hate him, I just needed the time to accept it. I realise I’ve been too dependent on him for my emotions, and I would have to work on this (any advice?) A practice I’ve been doing is thinking he loves me regardless and unconditionally which helps to regulate my emotions other times.

Though the frequency has lessened, a recent incident has caused our relationship to hit rock bottom. We both still love each other very much, but he doesn’t want to see me cry (especially for stupid reasons) or get upset because he feels bad when I do. He only says this when he thinks the reason I’m crying is not substantiated. There are also instances where I’ve cried and he’s been there for me! He had suggested to break because our relationship has been unhealthy. He feels like he’s not good enough for me. But I just can’t because we both still love each other! Idk what to do because our arguments always stem from me crying too often so he feels like there’s still going to be a next time.

I want to grow and have a future for us. Emotion is what’s dragging me behind, it’s embarrassing for me.

TLDR: I cry too often for stupid reasons, bf wants to breakup.

Boyfriend 21, fm 25, we been together 4 months now, he told me today he is in love with me but doesn't trust me.

I don't know how to react, I've never given a reason for mistrust but I know he's been cheated on before, and we became long distance in August as we both travel for work. We made plans for me to meet his family this weekend, I'm not sure what to do or say I've tried reassurance but this is making me sad.

We carry a lot of the same values and life path and interest, talk daily, and I do trust him but it's frustrating he doesn't trust me back.

TL:DR/ can we fix mistrust this early on?

I (m27)want to start off by saying I have a disease that has caused me significant brain fog and memory problems throughout the years. I have recently gotten on medication that made me able to process and remember things, and one of these is how my friend has treated me. I've always noticed she's done weird things but I never assumed she did it with bad intentions, I always assumed she was sweet and nice. We had what seemed like good times and enjoyed doing things together, but it seems like she would trash talk me behind my back. I lived with my abusive mom and during this, she sent me a picture of a dead mamed animal on a burner account through messenger. She confessed it was her when I said I was going to call the cops and I asked why she did it, she just said idk. I never brought it up again, I'm not sure why. We stopped talking for a bit after that then she found out I was going to get a job and contacted me to be her roommate. I was desperate to get out of a physically abusive home and moved in with her and her bf. This is when things kinda start going bad. Her boyfriend and I got along well and had a similar sense of humor, and we became friends. He told me she complained a lot about me behind my back and felt like she was trying to get him to hate me. We didn't hate each other and became friends, especially because she was apparently kind of mean to him and he would tell me about her behavior and we would drink. I started dating his friend as well and we all hung out. Her bf ends up telling me he likes me while they are dating but it's been a dead bedroom and they've been fighting for months. I immediately tell him we are both in a relationship and I would never do that, and I immediately tell her what he said. She then decides to tell me that her and my at the time boyfriend were in her room while he was telling her I was ugly, and she'd known about it for weeks and didn't tell me. It feels like they were probably shit talking me. She tells me this and I immediately realize something was off but I wasn't able to put it together, but I realized I didn't want to be her friend. She made me sit down with him and interrogated us on the couch, they dated for a month or two more and then broke up. This is where I messed up. I was depressed and drinking with her ex, and we ended up sleeping together. I immediately felt guilty and told her, and she didn't care or react at all, then told her entire family and freaked out over it, and said she did want to be friends anymore. We stopped being friends and she showed up at my place crying saying she wants to be friends again. I tell her we need to build up trust and we can talk again.

She recently got engaged and I fell ill with sepsis and she didn't really call or text much, I ended up spending Christmas in the hospital and she didn't call or text much. I notice she didn't put much effort in at all, just enough to keep our friendship going I guess? She said she was very busy planning a wedding and didn't have the time. Meh whatever. I got really sick, all of my hair fell out and I really didn't think I would recover but I did and I'm doing much better now that they put me on new meds while I was there. She invites me to her wedding and I show up, she tells me her husband was complaining about having to come get me even though they invited me, but I feel like it was more her complaining or the both of them. During the wedding, things felt like old times and I actually had a good time. While I was there, our friend wanted to take a picture of her and my friend said that "I should take it, my phone is probably better than yours" in a really snobby way in front of his family. I tell her we have the exact same phone, and she just stares at me with this "caught" look. The wedding happens, I had a good time and went back home. Now she barely calls, we don't hang out and this Christmas, she tells me she isn't coming down because gas is too expensive. (She lives a state away) I feel like I should cut this off? How do I go about talking to her about this? We've been friends for 10+years since middle school.

Tl;Dr: health got better, realized my friend was mean to me and taking advantage of me while sick.

How to move on from a rrelationship? 21(m)

My gf (20f) and I (21m) were dating for 2 years and this is a girl I loved a lot , she made me feel loved in this world and she was one someone I wanted to spent all the time with . I use to be a loner before and was also in a rough spot before she came along but now that shes gone i dont know what to do , i feel so empty and seeing her having fun doing stuff we wanted to do together . I dont know what to do , everything feels so empty , i saw her going to a party we wanted to go this year and it broke me i cant stop crying . There were a few reasons for the break up her coming out as full lesbian ( she was bisexual before ) , i didnt keep control of my mouth and accidentally ( really was a accident ) told some personnel stuff about her during a rant of mine . Her birthday is also coming up next week and I dont know if I should try and make it up to her so we can atleast be friends again or what should I do .

Tldr:- cant move on cause everything reminds me of her and she was my only joy

Hi guys, so me (F22) and my gf (F20) have been going out for a year and for the most part it's been bliss. However I've noticed cause of an argument yesterday that whenever we have an argument and she gets mad at me she basically shuts down and doesn't communicate or leaves me on read.

I've noticed she in general struggled with communicating when she's mad and she has also admitted it. An example is how once where she told me she was mad but refused to tell me the reason she was until I was omw home even though I kept asking her for several minutes.

I know people need space sometimes after an argument but I always find myself in these situation left feeling like shit or this urge to spam texts into the void hopping she'll respond. I think it's due to the fact that she doesn't say that she needs space or anything and just dissappears. So how do I not ig let the silence get to me so much and how do I bridge the topic of how her silence hurts me without upsetting her or trying to sound like the victim.

TLDR: How do I (F22) not let my GF's (F20) silent treatment get to me and how do I talk with her about it without upsetting her or sounding like the victim?

**Background:**
My boyfriend and I have a great connection, and this past year with him has been amazing, but we are both currently battling heavy mental health issues. I have ADHD, Anxiety, OCD traits and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). He has severe clinical depression and takes Venlafaxine, which causes him significant brain fog and memory loss (he sometimes struggles to remember details of our shared history unless I remind him). There is also an age gap between us that occasionally causes mutual anxiety.
We are both actively trying to work on our respective hurdles. I recently started therapy to learn how my ADHD and RSD impact my emotional regulation in relationships, and he has committed to going to therapy to work on his own patterns.
**The Cycle of Whiplash:**
The main problem right now is how his depression manifests when things get hard. We will have a wonderful, deeply connected weekend together. But the minute he gets mentally and physically exhausted, he spirals. He starts questioning if he is fundamentally broken, says he feels guilty because I am "too emotionally attached" to him, and says he wants to isolate himself so he doesn't end up hurting me.
Twice in the last two weeks, he has brought up the idea of taking a "break" or said he just shouldn't be in a relationship at all. It triggers massive panic and RSD for me.
Then, the next morning, he wakes up totally regulated. He calls me "baby," acts completely normal, and tells me “Don't worry about what I said last night, I was down and tired. That was just my depression talking. I'm not going to decide anything about us until I figure myself out in therapy. I love you”.

My Dilemma:
When he is regulated, he is kind, caring, takes accountability, and is everything I want. He is actively committing to getting professional help to fix his side of things, just like I am doing on my end. But the emotional whiplash is destroying my nervous system. I feel like I am constantly being held hostage in an emotional waiting room, bracing for the next time his depression makes him hit the eject button.

Can two depressed, neurodivergent people actually build a stable relationship while actively in therapy, or is this cycle of threatening breaks too toxic to survive? Do I stay and trust the work we are both putting in, or do I deserve better than this constant instability? I really love him and out of everyone I’ve been with, he’s the first person I truly felt a real emotional connection with and next week is our one year anniversary. I really want this to work out. Please help out.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I deeply love each other and are both starting therapy, but his severe clinical depression causes him to panic and suggest taking a "break" when he feels overwhelmed. He always takes it back the next morning and blames his depression, but this emotional whiplash is destroying my mental health and triggering my RSD. Can a relationship survive this cycle, or is it too toxic?

Hi Everyone, I don’t post to Reddit. So I apologize if I make mistakes in terms of how posts should be written.

I am a (21M) who has a (22F) girlfriend and have been very fortunate to have a great 2 years relationship and career prospects right now. We are both in our senior year of college and I am currently picking between two job offers.

One of them is the exact career that aligns with my goals however I have to move away. (I won’t say the amount, however it’s roughly 70k more take home pay than the offers to stay in my location). The other one is staying here with her, and making ends meet.

My thought process I can’t turn away that much money, at the end of the day I love this girl a lot but a college relationship in the grand scheme of things is not enough to throw away something as life changing.

She has vocalized that she could never do long distance and wouldn’t come with me (ofc she has family here and I don’t).

How do I tell her I’m taking the job and then what?

I’m thinking something like “I love you, but I have reached a point in my life where staying here requires me to turn away from the future I need to pursue. I’m going to take the offer with xyz”.

Ofc it needs to be more refined, but I care for her so much and I just want it to hurt as little as it can.

TL;DR I am taking a job and moving away from my GF, who vocally has stated can’t do a long distance relationship. How do I tell her?

Edit - Thank you all for the comments, I did not realize how fast people respond on Reddit. My follow up question is do we continue dating for the rest of our senior year?

I am a 31-year-old married woman living in a different country from my parents. I spent my whole life listening to them argue. I do not think we ever had more than five days in a row of peace. And of course, I had a terrible childhood, when I think of my childhood and teenage years, I mostly remember myself crying.

Now that all three of us children have moved out, they are arguing more than ever. Sometimes my mother texts me about the arguments, with all the details, and vents to me. I do not really support her, and I reply with very few words. I have no energy left to support either of them. It still ruins my day tho, I feel really shitty and regret that I couldn't help them. Should I continue not involving or should I say or do something?

tl;dr although I am living away from my parents, their fights affect me a lot and I don't know how can I protect my inner peace.

​

me (19f) and my boyfriend (20m) have been together for nearly 8 months now but lately I've been feeling like this relationship is going down in the dumps.

we met each other during an event in college and started dating 2 weeks, late February of this year and everything was great in the beginning, we'd meet up, text, call all of that, we even told our moms about each other. he's my first real relationship but he's been with tons of others and is a "retired fuckboi" (his words not mine). we first slept together barely a week into dating (my first time) and everything was going great i mean sure we'd fight here and there but it wouldn't last more than a few hours 2 days max. he's not the kind who opens up about his feelings to anyone and it took him a solid few months after we started dating to trust me completely.

but as of recently ive noticed that he's being much more cold. he replies to my texts a day or two later, doesn't return my calls, and we meet up maybe once a week for barely 10 minutes. he claims that he's busy with other things (he's been saying that since we started dating but he still made time to text or call me, now not even that)

my classes end at 12.30 and his begin at that time yet i stay back at college just so i can see him during his breaktime or after his classes end at 4.30 just to hear him say that he's tired and that he's gonna go home or that he has plans with his friends. for the past about 2 months the only time we hang out is for sex. we haven't gone out for a date in months where sex wasn't involved. we're both very sexual people by nature but his behaviour feels off to me now. last week we met up for a sneaky link after he was on vacation for a few days, we hooked up in an abandoned place but the whole ordeal felt very one sided it lasted maybe 15mins and not a single kiss or a touch that was romantic. i was very down mentally that whole week and this added fuel to the fire. few days later while driving home I told him that I felt like I was used and thrown away that day and he proceeded to get extremely mad at me and started yelling at me for saying that and even started talking in a tone that sounded like he was going to break up with me, the whole situation ended but in a sexual scene.

he never says that he loves me first, never checks up on me, never initiates to meet up without there being some sexual context. but he always proudly tells people that im his girlfriend, even his parents he told them about me the day after we started dating.

it's all getting a bit too much for me now. i love him a lot and he's the first person I've truly been myself around but idk how much more of this i can take.

tl;dr My boyfriend (20M) and I (19F) have been together for almost 8 months. He's my first real relationship, and while things were great in the beginning, he's become increasingly distant over the past few months. He takes days to reply, rarely returns my calls, barely makes time to see me, and seems to prioritise everything else over our relationship.

For the past two months, almost all our meetups have been purely sexual, with no actual dates or romantic affection. Our most recent hookup felt one-sided and left me feeling used. When I tried to communicate how hurt I was, he got extremely angry and yelled at me, and the conversation eventually turned sexual instead of resolving anything.

He rarely expresses love, checks up on me, or initiates spending time together unless sex is involved, yet he proudly introduces me as his girlfriend to others. I love him deeply, and he's the first person I've felt completely comfortable being myself around, but I'm emotionally exhausted and starting to wonder whether I should break up with him.

I am a senior in highschool (17M) and I am dating a (17F) who is genuinely a wonderful person but there are some flaws that I would like to address but I just don’t want to sound controlling. I’ve always been pretty mentally exhausted due to what I had to face throughout my whole life as a kid up until now and I suffer from anxious attachment and overthink over the smallest things. (Especially in relationships)
I am a super introverted person and I honestly don’t like people in general that much as the world seems wicked and cruel in my eyes. Any sort of interaction with people I don’t really know or like sort of disgusts me. On the other hand, she is a pretty extroverted person, the complete opposite of me and she is pretty well known throughout our school. I have mentioned that there was a flaw about her earlier which is her actually going to parties. I stated earlier that I am very introverted and I also overthink many situations. I am not overthinking the part of her cheating on me or whatever, I’m overthinking about the use of alcohol and guys approaching her. I don’t want to sound controlling but I would like to know how I can open up to my feelings about this and how I can have her to stop so I won’t overthink everything and worry.

TL;DR I am pretty uncomfortable with my girlfriend going to parties and I feel like it’s a single person activity. I want to know how I can tell her to stop and express my feelings without making it sound controlling.