Man I wish I were joking. I live in this man’s house, renting a room in an emergency situation. This was the only thing I could afford at the time. I had to start doing onlyfans to pay my rent before I got my job. Naturally, he was curious as to how I was paying rent with no obvious income and I was, regretfully, honest with him. Mind you, prior to moving in he warned me that he is male and I said that’s fine as long as no creepy shit happened. His words “I got kids your age, no worries.” Spoiler alert, there were in fact worries.

He wanted to “support my business” 🙄 so he subbed to my page. That alone wouldn’t be so bad, but this man has my personal phone number and obviously lives in the same home. So the safety and barrier of the internet wall didn’t keep me from having unsolicited creepy interactions on my “off time”. He started texting me RELENTLESSLY like every day talking about my body in explicit detail. Eventually offering me free rent in exchange for “live shows” in his room?! I stopped responding any time he got to talking that way and it upset him. I finally set a boundary and said “I just don’t like talking about the work I do like this, it’s degrading and humiliating.” He apologized, said he would stop, but continued subscribing to my OF. Yesterday, he sent me another fucking text about my body. I said I was deleting the platform and I finally blocked him on OF. I still need the side income to save for a car and my own place so I can get the FUCK out of here. This was just a short term place to get back on my feet and I can not wait until this era of my life is a distant memory. I’m so disgusted and bothered. That is all.

I honestly would really just like to get more standpoints on this situation because I am unsure of how to feel. I had been having suspicions that my roommate (whome I’m not super close to) was going into my bedroom when I wasn’t there and so for three days in a row, I’ve set up a camera in my room. The first 2 days I decided to keep my door locked so I could see if the door knob jiggled and both days it did. Yesterday I left it unlocked and caught her in 4K… face and everything. She was using an old vape of mine and clearly in the video seems like she’s been doing this daily. I think what I’m struggling with most is just not wanting to be uncomfortable while we are living together. What would you do?

so the today he came to tell me his friends try to avoid coming into the room when I’m around because of the vibe I give off. I give a vibe that they’re not wanted apparently and now he turned it into such a big issue. I’m very quiet and keep to myself ( I’m an only child if that makes things clear enough) . Maybe I should be more open and friendly but then again it’s also my personal space I don’t talk to his friends when they come in or look at them I just try to mind my own business because they’re his friends not mine. Then he gave me an ultimatum about whether he should move out or I should move out since having friends over is such an important thing to him I respect but is it necessary for me to change my character just to please his friends.

this isn’t the only issue I’ve had with him the other day I asked him if he can remove my bank details for my Spotify and he started to get defensive then soon agressive as in he wanted to physically fight and started blaming me for the issue saying” I wanted him to beat me up so he can get expelled”.

The other day I came to my room with my toothpaste box opened and unused I didn’t have an issue that it was toothpaste but the principal of opening my stuff and using it without permission showing lack of respect and boundary.

Then he proceeds to label me as a Cambridge kid then soon came to the conclusion it’s My personality that’s the problem.Thats why he gets upset

the other day he locked me in the room and when I asked him to unlock it he said it was my own problem and that i should find someone else to help me with it. Is that a reasonable roommate?

Resume: hostile roommate, complains about having to clean, looks trough my stuff, lies

Hi. I recently moved out to a dorm, I got assigned a random roomate and she dislikes me

From the start she was rather unintrested in me. Since she came she started to tell me (multiple times) about how she used to hang out with her friends till 3 am, braging about how cool they used to be and how she couldn't wait for them to start uni next year so they ll rent and move out togheter. Said that "her parents will find any way if she can t adapt here" etc. I think only from those things she made me clear she dosen't like that she had me as a roomate. She was rather hostile with me (or at least that s how i perceive it) she didnt really speak to me, managed to ignore me in an 1 hour ride, when I talked in a group she'ld cross her arms and stay on her phone.

She wouldn't stop talking about how "she wants to see if she adapts first" but at the same time she was making lists of what we need to buy: fridge (that we both wanted at first), a sandwichmaker (because she needs her sandwich warm) and other stuff, started saying she has more than 1 unopened airfryer that she ll bring for both of us (she didn't bring it). Yet she didn't even look out for the fridge, she waited for me to look and buy without her having to contribue. I bought an electric cooling box for myself only and she tried to small talk me about it.

I've been gone for about 3 days because I needed to solve something in my home city, i returned earlier than she expected as well, because i told her i ld be gone for about a week. When I returned i had the cooling box and packages of food from home.

I suspected she ll look trough my stuff (i ve been suspicious of her because she was always side eyed me and seemed to hide when i entered the room and she was on a call)

So with an older phone, while I was gone for few hours, i left it voice recording and i discovered how she talks about me and acts with my stuff while i m gone.

She video called her mother and showed her what i brought. What clothes i had, what food i had, roumaged trough all my things, naming them. She showed her mom that i have "a hunting knife" (basically a kitchen knife that i use for opening jars and cans) she told her mom that she feared me and that i scared her badly when i pulled it out while eating

She complained about the fact that I made her a Cindarella, while showing her mom that i had not made my bed that morning, saying she ld not touch her stuff of it because i might have lice ( everything was tidy excepting the bed)

She was really pissed that i asked her to sweep the floor ( i was going to mop after i got back. It was the first time i asked her to split tasks with me, since she arrived i was the only one who did the cleaning)

To those things (and other stuff she said and lied about me) I want to add the fact that after i returned i asked her what i missed from uni. She told me that it was nothing while in fact there were lots of things i should have been told about, played music right when i was writing while acting that oh i dont want to distrupt you.

Other time, while i was still not knowing the way back to the dorms, she tried to leave me alone in the dark, knowing that i dont know my way back and that my google maps shows me the wrong routes.

I also want to mention i m in a budged and i can t move out (i pay 0 money for staying here, she pays the normal fee for staying, it s not expensive anyway)

nor i know any people to change with.

I really need and i ld appreciate some advice, i feel like i m losing it with this "princess".. i m not even sure if she ll finish soon her "trial of seeing if she adapts" or if she ll be there for the next year..

I’m 17 and my suitemate keeps on bringing over her boyfriend to stay the nights but im uncomfortable with a man staying the nights so many times. Once I mentioned can you guys keep the noise down at 10:30 and she said I should get used to it and she was mad and she acted like she was the victim and it was my fault so I know she gets moody I just need some advice to tell her your boyfriend can vist but I’m uncomfortable living with a man who is 23 constantly and the rules say a suitemate can kick out a overnight guest at anytime but I want to try and explain my situation to her first

has his own bedroom and attached bathroom. strong scent made me want to look.

looking for (ideally peaceful) ideas on talking to him about how a 29 year old man can do better. I’m open to helping even.

edit: moving out is not ideal

edit2: he’s a nice person, kind even. Just going through it, so I’m not looking for disparaging comments/ad hom attacks haha just ideas on how to help

edit3: removed disparaging language i used myself

My roommate is a cool person, but I can’t live with someone who doesn’t clean up after themselves. Is this too rude to send?

I just moved in with a family that will leave their laundry in the wash for 24+ hours at a time, which fills the wash with lots of mildew, mold, and bacteria. Then, they put the clothes straight in the drier, which seems to burn the mildew and mold particulates into every crack and crevice of the drier. Everything that comes out of both the wash and drier smells like body odor, sweat, and nastiness. Theyve been doing this for probably over 6 years in this washer and drier so there may be permanent damage, not entirely sure. I have asked them to take their clothes out of the wash sooner and they still do not. If there isnt a way to really fix this then ill just use a laundromat but was just wondering if anyone knew of any good cleaning strategies.

My 2 other roommates are constantly doing groupism, They are acting as one fraction and leave me lonely and alone they talk in room together and make plans enjoy in room while me in one corner just listening and cannot if I try to study thought are coming constantly in my mind that why I am being left alone why i am suffering

These two were my best friend for some time and I changed my room for them to come and live with them and small fight they are grouping together

This is hindering my thoughts and ideas and now I am crying

(3 people live in one room)

i swear to all things holy none of these people know how to open curtains. tubelights are on at 4.30 PM when its incredibly bright and shiny outside. tubelights are on at 9AM because they get ready for work. its also always the tubelight that shines light directly into my eyes and not the one behind my head. IF YOU WANT BRIGHTNESS OPEN THE CURTAIN! THE FAN AND THE AC IS ON ANYWAY JUST OPEN THE DAMN CURTAIN. its baffling that people just dont want sunlight and prefer the cold impersonal light of tubelights. and their excuse is that its warm if you open the curtain. well its equally warm if the tubelight is on babes 🤷

i work 2-11pm so i come home really late and i try so hard to be respectful of their sleep and dont turn on the lights and try to be incredibly quiet. i want to read a book to chill out after work? no can do and i completely understand that! but when i wake up at 9.30 or 10AM because someones watching reels (no headphones) and laughing out loud i just get pissed off because of the complete lack of care for someone else's sleep. its just so irritating and rude.

i cant move out to a flat either because i am on a fixed contract job and theres no certainty that i'll be renewed for full time at the same place. so i am just stuck with my security deposit in this place where i have to share a room with 2 other people who couldnt give less of a fuck about someone else's sleep. not my first time having a bad roommate and the other one was way worse, the tubelights are just a personal pet peeve of mine :(

I’ve never considered myself a clean freak but he a) uses barely any soap when washing up b) uses cold water and c) puts it straight back in the cupboard *soaking* wet.

Anytime he offers to wash up I have to brace for having rewash everything.

Am I overreacting here??

I need affirmation. me and spouse + kids have a roommate with kids who is borderline filthy. are these things normal??? we all struggle with mental health, but this feels like pure laziness or knowing that we will pick up behind her.

let me preface this with she is not only unemployed, but doesn’t provide the major half of the bills + I supply almost all the household items and cleaning supplies.

- watches bathroom trash pile up and won’t empty it even if it’s overflowing
- hair on bathroom shower walls until she feels like cleaning it off
- her kids play all in the bathroom soap and supplies in the shower, leave the floor soaking wet, and all their clothes in there despite being reminded by her and us as well
- kids playing in the hand soap and supplies that I buy
- she leaves her dirty clothes in the bathroom, leaves items out on the counter, and won’t wipe down mirror or sweep/mop floors even though her children pee all over the floor
- stopped folding her clothes recently because me and spouse stopped doing it for her
- we fold all her children’s clothes ontop of ours
ontop of washing everyone’s clothes
- has cats that she wants help providing for despite me immediately saying I can’t financially contribute to two cats and WONT BE (will have two under one come December)
- there’s a mice problem starting from us living in large field territory that I’m getting extermination for, she got the CATS to attempt to get them out and they’re shitting around the house ontop of the litter box. She does not want to clean it up
- left a dead mouse in her vent and didn’t tell us, instead kept spraying disinfectant spray to “hide the smell while I sleep” 🫥
- fridge is busted and she will fill groceries to brim
without cleaning out old produce
- will let trash pile in the kitchen if everyone else doesn’t take it out, has started a trash pile outside on multiple occasions
- does not clean up her children’s rooms and doesn’t upstairs to check on their rooms.
- almost every load of dishes is done by me because she lets them pile up in the sink for WEEKS
- almost every chore is done by somebody else and she “spot cleans”. ontop of that she’s always going out and doing shit while the house is busted as fuck and sees 0 wrong with it.

I feel like a literal live in maid and she sees no problem with coming and going being this filthy????? I’m at my wits end

I stg idk how she manages to do it but she does 2 loads of laundry everyday (minimum), so it’s hard to find times for me to do it. I try to do it on weekends but sometimes I get busy and need to do it on a weekday during the day and then I get screamed at for doing laundry during “high use time” and I couldn’t do that bc we’re paying more… like I don’t think my 1-2 loads of laundry a week during high pay period is any different than your 14 loads a week during low use time…

So this is just a question that I have. I have a roommate that wants to move in mid November. They haven't specify which day as yet. I do understand that I will have to make them pay first full month's rent and security deposit before moving in. My question is let's just say they move in November 18 will they have to pay the full months rent December 1st or will it just be the amount that they stayed in November. Please help me out. I'm new to this and want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.

I live with two people and am currently in college, one roommate (F20) has 3 cats. One cat she had before moving in around May, one cat she got a week later, and another cat she got less than a month after. I lived here before she did and I have a dog, I told her I don’t mind her having a cat (because she only had one at the time) but they can’t be alone together.

I got home last night from work and immediately coming up to the apartment door I hear loud meowing, when I come in she’s bathing her female cat in the kitchen sink. When I ask her why she says she thinks she saw a flea and wants to be sure all the cats don’t have any. I’m immediately asking her why she thought it was a good idea to do that in the kitchen and she said something about how it’s easier to control the cats while bathing because she has more space, mind you she has the master bedroom with a bathroom in it.

I’m already irritated with her so I take my things and my dog into my room and immediately start cleaning everything today. I also texted her asking if the cats were on preventative for fleas and she has yet to respond. I don’t like getting rude or upset with people but this is frustrating me to no end because of how irresponsible this whole thing is.

TL;DR: Roommate travels for work and leaves a mess behind. Deal with it or confront him?

My (30F) fiancee (30M) and I bought a house earlier this year and to help offset first time homeowner costs while also planning a wedding for next summer, we decided to rent out our partially finished basement to my fiancee's friend. He's more of a tenant as he has his own room, living space, entrance, and bathroom- we only share a kitchen and use of the washer/dryer.

He recently started a new job that has him traveling pretty frequently. I've started to notice that before he travels, he leaves behind dishes in the sink and/or dishwasher, laundry in the washer/dryer, and perishable food in the fridge. For example, he just left for 10 days and there's 5 Tupperwares full of premade meals he made a week ago and didn't eat, including chicken, rice, and Brussels sprouts/other veg.

My fiancee doesn't think it's an issue and has said the benefit of having a roommate help us pay 1/3 of our living expenses for a year outweighs some of these inconveniences. He's not wrong, exactly, but my fiancee also works long hours about 6-7 days a week, so I feel like I am usually the one left to clean up after our roommate since I'm the one home and needing use of the dishwasher, sink, washer/dryer, etc. When I expressed this to him, he said he'd start helping with it and to just leave it for him. But then I'm home during the day and still need to use those things, so I just do it.

Should I just suck it up because it *is* a major savings for us, and with this new job he's gone a lot, or is it worth talking to him about it?

Writing this from a burner.

So for content , I am someone who likes sleeping early and he is the complete opposite.

And every FUCKING NIGHT the guy is watching reels at full volume till 2 and 3 am.

I have woken up to him playing video games and literally screaming like a bitch at his teammates at odd times.

He starts singing and doing stupid shit at all these unearthly hours.

And the worst? He farts like a fucking donkey in his sleep the WHOLE FUCKING NIGHT. I legit hear him rip it every 5 mins .

Not to mention every morning, his 8 alarms go off and hes still sleeping like a baby through all of them . So guess who has to turn each of them off every time.

So essentially my sleep schedule is fucked because of a certain someone.

Anyways,

When i tell him that it's 2 am , hes quiet for a min and then goes back to normal.

I literally can't sleep cuz of him .

So i decided it's time for payback. I wake up much earlier than him. , and started to make ALOT of noise in the morning . He obviously got pissed off and woke up and told me to turn it down. Then he asks me why I'm up so early anyways . So I told him that I couldn't sleep because of all the noise you make til 4 and 5 am .

Then the fucker tells me , everyone in our hostel building is up till late, not my fault your the only one who sleeps early.

That shit pissed me off so bad.

Legit what am I supposed to do?

What would you do??? I need to do something bout this fast because I have him for a full year still.

i (24f) live with three girls - emily (21f), sarah (22f), and jesse (25f) - and our lease is up in december. emily and sarah share the master bedroom and bath, jesse and i both have our own rooms but share the communal bath. the rent, electricity, and all of the utilities are under sarah’s accounts and we all send her money. it’s never been an issue and still isn’t.

sometime at the very beginning of summer emily started staying at her boyfriends house every single night. we were basically her storage space. she does not pay any rent or utilities at her boyfriends and was still paying rent and utilities at our apartment since she still is on the lease. in august she decided that she would no longer pay electricity and in september she said she is no longer paying the rest of the utilities. that’s understandable since she’s not ever at the apartment using any of it. she had told sarah - sarah has text message proof of all this - on october 1st when our rent and bills were due that she isn’t going to pay for the rent anymore. our rent alone is $3000. emily pays a little over $700, which is the least any of us pay. we can all comfortably afford to live here and save money with it split between the 4 of us but between just myself, sarah, and jesse we can barely afford electricity and rent. especially because we are in southern california and the heat has been atrocious

after some back and forth between emily and sarah it was decided that emily wasn’t going to pay the rent due on october 1st but will pay the rent due on November 1st and december 1st plus the last few days into december. she has yet to send sarah any money and we’re all scraping our pockets at this point to cover this random change in how much we’re paying

i’m not asking for legal advice. i know legally all we really can do is take her to civil court since the lease states we’re all responsible for paying on time regardless of drama or anything that happens between us. i’m asking for advice on what to do on a personal level

TL:DR can’t recycle or fill up the dishwasher properly bc I do it “selfishly”

So whenever I put pizza boxes in the recycling (doesn’t matter if it’s empty, and if it was full I would take it out!) she takes them out and puts them in front of my door, and when I asked her why she says it’s selfish to put it there bc it fills the recycle, I tried to tell her I’ll just take out the recycling when it’s full and she says no it’s selfish. I continued to do it recently bc idc and idk where she puts them now. (Edit: the pizza box I get is recyclable, just need to throw out the liner!!) (edit again: have tried flattening, still removes it)

However she will never put any of my stuff from the sink in the dishwasher (like if she empties the dishwasher she’ll only put her stuff, personally I put everything from the sink in the dishwasher but that’s just me), and see the thing is, I wouldn’t care to put my stuff in the dishwasher IF SHE DIDN’T MOVE MY STUFF EVERY TIME I PUT SOMETHING IN THERE. Doesn’t matter if it’s empty whatever I put in the dishwasher will be moved. So I asked her “why do you do that it’s weird and passive aggressive” and she said “no it’s not, you’re so selfish with the way you put things in the dishwasher” and when I asked her to explain she couldn’t and just said I’m so selfish and she shouldn’t have to explain. (Edit: I try and follow her “system” but it gets moved, utensils will get moved to a different bin section, put cup on left she moves it to right, next time I’ll put on right now it’s on left etc.)

Like I literally do not know what that even means. Like especially because I’m the only one who even cleans the place and 9/10 it’s me emptying recycling and doing the dishwasher. Idk what her problem is but this just drives me insane. I swear this girl just ragebaits me for a living.

I (36M) have a roommate (31M) who cut off most people in his life about a year ago. He cut me off nine months ago and hasn't spoken to me since. For months, he worked and then shut himself in his room to play video games in the evenings. For the past 12 weeks, he's been unemployed by choice and has done virtually nothing but sleep and game. This is incredibly awkward feeling to me living with someone who doesn't interact with me.

He's always been someone who enjoys being around people and having conversations, although he's also protective of certain topics and avoids discussing things he doesn't want to talk about.

From October 2025 through January 2026, he still acted normally around me. Mutual acquaintances told me they hadn't heard from him since October. When I finally brought this up on January 26, he shut down and I had to push him to explain. He gave several reasons for withdrawing, primarily a health issue, but none seemed to justify cutting everyone off completely. After that conversation, he never spoke to me again.

Just before Christmas, he bought a gaming PC. He's always had intense fixations on hobbies, such as guitar, Muay Thai, and financial literacy, which he would either master or get bored of and drop for something new. I assumed gaming would be another passing interest, but this time he isolated himself completely, spending hours playing an online FPS without interacting with anyone outside the game.

He rejected attempts to reach him, including one from someone he used to think highly of. He stopped helping around the house and eating properly. Since he still paid rent (he pays more than required) and wasn't causing problems, I gave him space.

At the end of July, his work van disappeared and he stopped leaving the house. After two weeks, I contacted his mom. His stepdad visited and walked with him for an hour. I was told he wasn't considered a risk to himself or others and had quit work because he needed time to rest. His family said they'd try to help.

Nine weeks later and he was still unemployed hardly leaving the house. He began getting food delivered but frequently left the food uneaten until it spoiled. Sometimes leaving a completely unopened bag of food on the counter unrefrigerated until it got cold or warming something in the microwave and I would find it the next time I needed to use the microwave and it was cold (if you know anything about food safety, it's no longer safe to eat). I don't know if it was absentmindedness and being so engrossed in his game he lost track of time or he's actually losing his mind. I eventually threw away nearly two trash bags of expired food because there was no room left for my food in the fridge. The last 2-3 weeks he barely orders any food. He eats on a Taco Bell order over the course of a week and some days just doesn't eat anything that comes from the kitchen, so he may have less perishable food in his room. I haven't seen him in person in a long time, and I'm concerned about his physical condition. As of now the last time he left the house was September 23 and before that it was like five weeks prior.

He gets almost no sunlight or exercise, eats poorly, and has virtually no social interaction outside gaming. I own the house and rent him a room cheaply, which allows him to continue living this way without needing to work. I feel like I'm just enabling this behavior by allowing him to continue living here. He's at the very least got to be trying to avoid real life for some reason and create his own world where his real life problems don't exist by gaming and only talking with the people in the game who have no personal connection to him and they are much easier to dump if he is offended by them.

Much of the time he does basically nothing to help out, but then at times he shows that he hasn't completely given up and will collect the dishes he accumulates in his room (I shudder to think what his room looks like) and run them through the dishwasher or actually take out the full trash bag. I left him a note once because his car's registration was five months expired and the city will tow your vehicle for that, especially considering the fact that it hadn't driven in over a month so it actually looked abandoned. It took him a week to get around to it, but he finally did.

I'm starting to think he needs to move out. Living alone would be more expensive for him, and his parents might not let him spend his days gaming if he lived with them. Perhaps having to leave would force him to get a job and reengage with life. But he used to be my friend, and I don't want to hurt him. At the same time, I'm exhausted from living with someone who wants nothing to do with me. It's affecting my mental health.

His family seems to be the only people who might reach him, but they've repeatedly promised to visit and then failed to follow through. After I told his mom I was considering asking him to move out, she finally came by on October 10. Apparently, he was trying to sleep, and she said they'd arrange another time to talk. I told her he's probably just trying to push her away and he has no intention of actually following up and she needs to come back if he doesn't respond. His mom told me she was terrified of the idea of him ending up homeless as a way to tell me not to tell him to move out, but in all reality, he has the option to move in with them probably for free and if he chooses homelessness that's his choice. A couple of hours after she left, he was gaming again. I updated her, but she never followed up, and he still hasn't left the house. I really wanted her to actually come back and bother him again, but her lack of willingness to do that makes me feel like they aren't really wanting to help him that much.

I'm at a loss. I don't want to abandon someone who may be struggling, but I also don't think enabling this situation is helping him. He won't talk to me so I can't really help him if he is struggling anyway. I know at the end of the day he is an adult and he is allowed to make a bad decision like choosing to be homeless just as he has with choosing to be unemployed and wasting his life on video games. How would you approach this? Would you give his family another chance to intervene, or is it time to ask him to move out?

I (f24) have three roommates (m22, m25 called "X", f24). Since before I moved in, there have always been problems with X never cleaning his fair share. In the past, he even said that he doesn't see himself responsible for cleaning at all.

I.e., since I moved in a year ago he has cleaned no more than three or four times total (not the wohle flat, just one area each).

However, he expects us to accept him pregaming on a regular basis and then leaving the kitchen and living room trashed the whole next day. When I confronted him about it, he said "Well, we're just uni students." He leaves trash out for days but, when asked about it, says "the way you talk to me about it makes me want to not clean up at all".

After several talks, we - once again - implemented a cleaning plan a couple of weeks ago. Of course, X did not clean some of the most important areas of his assigned room (which was completely filthy) at all but marked them "done" on the shared app. First, I asked nicely in the group chat to please remember the cleaning plan as the turn to clean the rooms was up. No reaction. The next day, I wrote "Hey X, when will you finish cleaning? We all need to be reliable when it comes to cleaning. If the arrangement isn't working, it is your responsibility to communicate that. But I am tired of you never cleaning and just hoping that noone will say anything."

His response:

"Yeah and it isn't good for the atmosphere if you come on here exposing me every day. You cant just expect me to cater to your needs from 0 to 60. Its no big deal if we just clean it less often"

I said

"'My needs' are the cleaning plan we talked about as a group. And '0 to 60' means you doing your assigned tasks, nothing more."

When we talked in person afterwards, he told me several times how I must communicate better or else he has no motivation to clean up. Also, I should just wait at least a day before asking him about cleaning up trash.

Fyi, me and the other roommates have no problems with each other at all and all of us do our share of the cleaning plan. However, they have kind of checked out when it comes to telling him to clean up but tell me they share my opinion. It has even gotten to the point where I ask my boyfriend whether my texts to X are okay to send as I feel like I'm walking on egg shells.

I don't want to feel like I need to find the perfect emoji-to-friendly-sounding-text-ratio for him to act like an adult human being. It's just about cleaning up after you've used shared spaces and doing your part of the cleaning plan.

How on earth do you deal with that?

Edit: typos

Does anyone know how to co-exist with roommate who lives a messy lifestyle? 25yo male living with 2 male roommates in a small 4 bedroom house. We are several months into our lease and I’m starting to notice some patterns that could eventually cause conflict if they are not addressed soon. One of my roommates seems to have trouble cleaning after himself. He is a great guy but sometimes I get really pissed off with him when I am around him. The amount of times I’ve brought the topic of cleaning up to him is concerning. It seems like each time its brought up he doesn't seem to put any actual effort into cleaning going forward. He still leaves trash and dishes in our common spaces, dishes in the sink, used pots and pans on the stove top, grocery store bags and open bags of snack food on our kitchen counters, and lets food expire in our cabinets and fridge. I don’t bring it up much and I tell myself to just leave it alone if I see it and that he will get it eventually. But I swears day and weeks will just go by and nothing has been touched. Occasionally the dishes would be dealt with but food and stains are just ignored. No joke there as been a half eaten bag of hamburger buns sitting on our kitchen island for over 2 weeks and didn’t notice it until I brought it up to him. Those buns expired almost a month ago.

His room is always messy and he never puts effort into cleaning or doing his laundry. He keeps his door open and all I see are piles of clothes, trash, and boxes full of stuff everywhere. The other day I had to walk through there when he wasn’t around as we needed some work done on our houses pluming that required me to get to our backdoor in his room. What I saw makes me worried about his mental health. Around his bed are piles of clothes and bags. At the base of his computer desk there are dirty dishes and half eaten containers of snack food. On his desk are fast-food bags, fast food drinks, soda cans, and mixed drink glasses. To get to his backdoor I have to walk over boxes, dishes, shoes, musical equipment, clothes, food, and wires.

My other roommate took notice to and we have asked him individually to clean his room several times. We have even offered to help him clean it up on our free time and he always rejects help and pushing it under the rug for later. I don't know if I am an the asshole for wishing he clean up more but this behavior is really starting to piss my off. I thought it might be going through some hard times but he just says that he is OK and I just don’t believe it. Whenever he is here he usually just sits on his phone doomscrolling or watching something the TV. He seems to always be eating something to and that something he eats always ends up in between our couch or left on it with the bag open.

I’m planning on sitting down and talking with him about all of this tonight but I’m afraid that its going to be inconclusive. Before this house we had a extremely toxic roommate who didn’t respect any of us. I really don’t want to come off as controlling or argumentative. But I’m not sure where to go if our attempts keep falling through.

If anyone can inquire it will be greatly appreciated.

TLDR - do i give my roomate, who started out as my friend and who i have mutuals with, the real reason as to why im moving out (which is her)

i (26F) am moving out and doing a lease takeover earlier than expected to get a away from a terrible other (28F) roomate . she technically invited me to live with her as a friend but over the past 1.5 years she has
- stolen $400 in rent money from me and when i caught her and talked to her about it she didn’t offer to repay it
- moved her entire personal setup, monitor and all, into our shared hallway and LOUDLY takes calls and does her job 8 hours a day from there on the days she works hybrid. i begged her 10+ x to stop because anytime she takes a call every word goes into my room and i can’t focus on anything im doing. it’s unbearable and i stopped asking bc she dodged me and wouldn’t listen. she has a perfectly functional desk and wifi in her room btw. amazingly enough 2 days after i said im moving out she finally moved the setup into her room… i think its bc im currently sick and i begged her to move bc i need to sleep and also i think shes scared of being in a shared space with me.(doesn’t want to catch disease) . so ok she finally caved but for selfish reasons and only after 2 months and i dont trust her to stay that way for the rest of the year…
- i let her use my monitor in my room once last fall and i found out that just bc i said yes once she was using my monitor for months without me knowing. Like i would come back to my room where the lights were on, my stuff thrown to the side… bc she was using my room when i was on a. trip
- she has consistently shown herself to be super selfish and inflexible. she charged me a ridiculous ‘furnishing fee@ my first year here bc she furnished a lot of the place so she could pay artificially low rent despite the fact that she has the nicest, biggest room. she would also push random fees on me and be super inflexible about anything reasonable i would ask (like using the vent to ventilate when cooking) while i complied with every dumbass small thing she wanted, even agreeing to not doing a chore chart bc she didn’t want to ‘assign blame’ 🙄despite the fact that i’ve used a chore chart w others for 5+ years successfully

So anyway.. i am moving out lol. however to just focus on getting the fuck out of here i gave my reasons but more as like personal/job/money saving reasons. i think shes suspicious and so are our mutual friends. she came home tonight basically pushing for validation that nothing was ‘wrong’

So what do i do? i need to focus on just getting her and our other roomate to be onboard w the new person and i don’t want to my roomate situation to be hell (i have a month left.) but i feel guilty lying. however i sat and had a roomie convo that i am moving, im not being sneaky and im fulfilling my logistical obligations by finding a new person.

what would yall do