i stopped using the shared recycling weeks ago because i took that and trash out for 2 months with no one else (3) ever even offering. i do not use a common area trash or recycling anymore now so they don't feel like I'm their mom(:. since we set up a cleaning schedule, which they did not mention recycling in (no common trash anymore), they assumed (their words) that recycling was included in that, despite the fact that every other task we explicitly wanted done was written down (ie wipe microwave, wipe windowsill). now they are ignoring my message that i don't use it (i was told i need to deal with this today and i am not there, hence message) and requesting they take it out as part of their shared responsibilities. i did not want involved in this at all but 2 of them went to director to complain about me for an hour. i just want to die. i am not a maid, i feel so taken advantage of

TLDR Edit; Roommate assaulted my friend. I'm angry at him. He is intentionally provoking my anger and poking at traumatic events in my life to make me more upset.

Alright, there's a lot of context needed here. I'm employed as a caretaker to my best friend, and I moved just a little over a month ago with who was (at the time) their boyfriend. Within the first month of us living together, he went to the hospital for a manic episode, broke up with my best friend, and then sexually assaulted them while they were trying to mend their friendship. This behavior from him was unexpected and wasn't something any one of us, much less my best friend who knew him the best, saw coming, especially since he acted so normal and friendly during the process of us finding this place. So I am now trapped in a lease with a man who harmed my best friend, and I am the unwilling point of connection between the two of them.

I've had my fair share of roommate troubles, including an incident back in April this year when a roommate physically assaulted both myself and my other roommie at the time and needed to be evicted and have a restraining order filed against her. I have roommate troubles that exist from before then too, including with abusive family. My current roommate knows this.

He also knows I'm rightfully mad at him for assaulting my friend. I got home late from work and had kitchen work to do, and I didn't want to talk to him. He pestered me over and over until I would speak to him, and continuously kept bringing up that night in April where my past roommate attacked me. He brought it up thrice in conversation when it had no relevance. Just kept going back to it whenever I told him I was angry and didn't want to talk to him, and kept saying "I'm not going to hit you though like she did, cuz you're skinny".

I got angry and started screaming at him, telling him to fuck off and leave me alone and that everyone hates him for what he did to my friend. He called me violent and manic in response. When I went silent and told him I was done talking, he kept dragging out the conversation for several minutes before retreating to his room, but not without bringing up me getting my ass beat by my former roommate one last time.

I can't tell if he's trying to intimidate me or not by bringing this up, or if he just wants to make me look unreasonable when I fight back because he knows I'm rightfully pissed at him, or if he's trying to subtley threaten me since he said that the way I yelled at him is something that also "sets him off". I'm not sure. I'm just really tired now. I haven't really had someone directly treat me this badly since I was living with family and I'm angry that he seems to think it's okay to treat the fellow adult who is paying the other half of his rent like this.

My roommate made spaghetti with meat sauce and steamed green beens, but didn't even put a plate ontop in the communal fridge. Both my roommates tend to not cover leftovers that are moist or saucey. We do have containers with lids and plastic wrap. I've mentioned it to them, but nothings changed.

Hi. I’m feeling drained and just wanted to come here to share my living arrangement. I’m not sure if what I’m facing is valid or not.

My roommate and I have been friends for two and a half years. She’s a sweet person, but she has a physical disability and undiagnosed OCD. She told me in the past that people have rejected her or have not wanted to be friends with her because of it. I am familiar with this since I have close family members with the same conditions as her. Because of that, I’ve tried to be understanding and patient with her. In fact, I want to work with people with disabilities as a career.
My problem is when I set a simple boundary, she gets highly upset with me.
For example, the first occasion was when we were coming back from church. Honestly, I didn’t enjoy the service. She was asking me so many questions about it, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I just said, "I don’t want to talk about it." She proceeded to be sad, made a pouty face, and went silent.
I have a bad tendency to be a people-pleaser, and it's already hard for me to set boundaries in the first place. So I asked her, "What’s wrong? Why are you sad? I’m not trying to attack you personally." She said she was fine when she clearly wasn’t.
I felt guilty and told her, "I’m sorry, I just don’t want to talk about it." She was still sad, so I told her, "It’s just that I want to find that same joy in church that you found." I said this because she kept telling me how she had found what she was looking for.
However, she twisted my words and said that I’m upset to see her happy in church. In that moment, I realized I can’t go with her anymore. I’ve already shared with her that I have church trauma because I was in a cult previously. I’ve also told her that I get overstimulated in some churches.
She also has a tendency to look at my phone while I’m using it and read my messages over my shoulder. I told her that same day, "I don’t want you to look at my phone."
She got upset with me, started crying, and laid on the ground saying things like, "No one wants to be my friend." Her friends saw her crying and proceeded to comfort her, which made me look like the person who hurt her. She later told me that she will no longer share details about her family with me.
I went to therapy that same week to try to get help.
In previous years, she has also made comments such as, "I’m a white woman and I can’t be with a Black man. What will my grandparents and family think?" I asked her, "Are Hispanic people okay?" and she said yes.
I’m Mexican, and the first year I met her, she told me, "I don’t go to Walmart because it’s suspicious because a lot of Mexi—" and then she stopped speaking. This hurt me badly, but I looked past it. Another time, she told me that you can’t be pregnant in Mexico because of some virus that can infect you.
Also she likes to copy me. Like she will copy my hairstyle, clothes, music, workout and more. I don’t even care but she even liked the same boy. And don’t want me to follow or show my family where he works (library) during move in day because they “don’t want people coming to the library during move in”.

Last Sunday was the last straw for me because I got back from home and told her that I want to be alone. She proceeded to get sad and tell me that she will no longer study with me anymore.

I talked to the RA about it and she told me.

The RA texted me texted me this the same day:

"We think the best way to go about this situation is to have a 4-way conversation together, with Random1 and I leading/guiding the conversation, to talk and be able to lay out your frustrations and set boundaries for each other and how to best support one another as roommates. If it doesn’t go well, then we can look into rooms that are open. Random1 was having a one-on-one with Roommate anyways Wednesday, and will approach the idea of meeting then. We are thinking Thursday or Friday night at like 6:30 or 7 if available for yall. Love ya ❤️"
Like, I've even thrown her a birthday party and have been with her through so many things.
The problem is that same week. two days before school started. we set a boundary list. She follows the boundaries afterward, but what I can’t stand is her emotional reaction, her twisting my words, and then her saying she doesn’t want to do that activity at all anymore because of it I said no once. Which has made me distance myself and become more cold. Because I don’t her to turn my words or actions again her.
This situation has caused me so much stress, and I just need to focus on school.

TLDR- I moved into a gross family's house, they dont clean, hoard, and have a mouse problem.

To start off, I just moved into a family's basement. They are a mom, dad, and two sons.

I arrived to a genuine hoarding situation after being promised that my room and space would be 100% cleared out before i arrived multiple times. I spent the entire first day moving items out of my room until it was clear enough to let my cat out of her crate (about 7 hours after i arrived). I could not sleep there that night due to the lack of space (couldnt walk to the bathroom or get around past all the hoarded items, etc). I had to find somewhere else to sleep spontaneously.

The residents do not want to give up any of their hoarded items so most of them were put into their extended garage rather than thrown out, but the basement i am renting still has a lot of stuff in it.

Their house had not been cleaned in years. They did not even own a vacuum. Their counters, floors, tables, chairs, furniture, etc, are covered in many years of dirt, leaves, food, and dog hair. There is so much food matter left out that mice have been pooping on their kitchen counters, in their cabinets, and their shelves (yes on the cooking and baking supplies). Their sink knobs and faucet are covered in black mildew and mold. They also do not do dishes, so the sink is piled so high with dishes, pots, pans, and silverware that it is usually not possible to use the sink, as the pile goes as high or higher than the faucet. When the sink fills up they begin placing dirty dishes on the counters and island. Any spilled food or crumbs do not get cleaned, but remain on whatever surface they appeared. The electric stove is covered in food that is burnt onto the burners themselves.

The mouse infestation has also reached my room, with holes and poop appearing in my closet. There is a pantry beside my room filled with expired food where the mice have pooped and peed so much that the fluids and matter essentially melted their wooden shelving in there.

Their dog is not well trained. He cannot sit or stay, and every time i enter the house the 40 pound dog jumps all over me (quite painful, his nails do not get trimmed often and i am only 105 pounds). He will jump on my paper grocery bags and nearly tear them the second i open the door he comes running.

I was told I would have the downstairs bathroom all to myself, but upon arrival I was informed that the mother actually only uses the basement shower and not the main shower. She repeatedly removed my items from the shower each morning. She also cuts the family's hair in the downstairs bathroom, but instead of putting hair in the trash, she puts it in the sink, which completely clogs it. I bought and use drano on the sink to clear it out. She additionally forgets to take her hair out of the shower drain.

The family does not throw out stale food. I find food in their refrigerators that expired 7+ years ago (yes, 2019). When I first arrived, the fridge I was meant to use was so stuffed with expired food that the doors could not close. I had to throw out possibly up to 6 trash bags worth of food matter from their refrigerators.

The family does not remove their clothing from the wash once it is finished. They allow the wet clothes to sit for over 24 hours after finishing the cycle. This has filled the washer with mold, mildew, and bacteria. Then, instead of washing their clothes again, they take the mildew-y moldy clothes and put them right into the drier, which has burned the mildew into the electronics, plastics, ventilation, and pretty much every part of the drier. This makes everything that goes into the wash and drier come out smelling terrible, so I have been using a laundromat instead.

I was told before I came here that I would be allowed to have whatever guests I want in my room, since there is a door that goes straight from the outside into the basement. After arriving, I was told I would actually have to introduce anyone i had over to the entire family before allowing them in, but the mother, father, and one of the sons are never at home, so it likely wont be possible for anyone to meet them.

The mother does not want me to keep any lights on in the basement. When I turn them on, she sees light coming from the bottom of the basement door and turns them off. Since I am in a basement, there is no light down here like there is upstairs, no windows, etc. This means that when she turns the lights off, it is pitch black, which has resulted in me needing to use my phone flashlight to navigate up the basement stairs to flip the light switch back on up to 5 times a day.

bonus: I am a very clean person and clean my toilet regularly but the family members keep coming down here and blowing up the toilet at random and leaving shit streaks everywhere.

It’s been about a month since I moved into a PG, and I have two roommates. One is barely ever around, while the other is someone I’m starting to dislike.

After about three weeks, this guy asked me about my job. He was like, “How many years of experience do you have? You don’t go to the office and are always working remotely.”

I told him I had two years of experience, and the conversation moved on to what I actually do for a living. I’m an FDE, and I explained my work in pretty simple terms.

At the end of the conversation, he goes, “So, you make those pages where we select traffic lights.” 🫠
I was like, WHAT?! Is that seriously what he understood from my explanation? I didn’t say much and just replied, “Yeah, that’s one of the things I do,” while wondering why I even bothered explaining my work to him.

How do you even confuse working with AI with making CAPTCHAs? 😭

Something else happened today that made me think, “Oh, he’s not necessarily dumb; his thinking is just narrow.”

Today was a holiday, but I was working on a personal project of mine at night. He saw me with my laptop open and asked, “Bro, night shift?”
And I was just like, iss ch\tiye ki soch hi chhoti hai.*

He could’ve simply asked what I was working on, but apparently, his first assumption was that if someone has a laptop open at night, it must be company work.

There have been a few other instances that have made me feel like this kind of people just don’t understand the idea of constantly improving yourself or genuinely enjoying working on personal projects. They seem to think that any work on a laptop must be company work, and I sometimes wonder if this kind of mindset is what keeps people stuck while they blame others for not progressing in life.

Idk, maybe I’m overreacting.

I generally approach people assuming we’re all equals, regardless of what we do for a living. But something about my roommate’s comments rubs me the wrong way. I get the feeling that he’s a pretty bitter person deep down, although I could be completely wrong.

Anyways, thank you if you made it this far and read the whole thing. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Edit: I get it guys, my dum ahh brain made something out of nothing.🥲

Basic info
- I, 20(m) live with my roommate who has been one of my best friends for over ten years 20. (M)
We’ve been living together for only 3 months and I’ve discovered he lives horrendously dirty.

The first 2 months have been okay. We started to settle in and get situated and things were a big mess between the 2 of us so I obviously thought nothing of it. Well we start to begin the 3rd month and all of my stuff is situated and cleaned and all of his junk is still lying around and thrown in the living room. On top of his junk, he leaves the kitchen an absolute mess. I’m talking left food on the counters the stove covered completely in grease, food in the sink and he leaves it even when we have a disposal, and he tracks so much mud in the house because he never takes his boots off.

Well after the first half of this 3rd month we got into it a bit over appliance that broke and he’s to cheap to split the cost and buy a newer one used instead he wants to risk fixing it and being cheap. This led to one after the other of back and forth me bringing up all of his disgusting habits up and how I clean all his crap up and I asked for the kitchen trash to be taken out a week ago and he said it’s my shit (it is I will agree however I have cleaned up so many of his messes) which he was pissy because I told him to suck it up and I pick up his messes all the time and he still refuses to take it out and he’s disgusting and cheap and won’t help out with anything.

I feel like I’m being an ass but at the same time I feel as if I get no help and all he does is drink and hang with his other delinquent friends he started to see. I want more to be done by him without me asking but at this point I’m being petty and calling him out. Our kitchen trash has been outside because I refuse to empty it when I simply and even nicely asked him to take it out a week ago. Am I the asshole? And how can I solve this or be even more petty? I’m tired of his shit and thought about emptying the whole bag into his truck bed because I’m sick of everything. What should I do and any tips? How to be more of an ass or how to be nicer either tip works:)

My roommate and I share a split bathroom layout. Dual sinks on the outside, and a separate door leading to the toilet and shower. Every single time he takes a massive dump, he skips the vent fan, ignores the air spray, and shuts both doors behind him on the way out. He’s essentially hotboxing the entire bathroom. It blows my mind that anyone thinks this is normal bathroom etiquette.

Got a question for science.

How many of you would sign a 12 month lease without reading it?

I ask because I sublease from a "friend" and he wants me and the other subleasers to sign the lease with him. But he REFUSES to even provide a copy for us to read.

Make it make sense. Someone.

My roommate literally never fucking leaves the room!!

I am a first year in college, I haven’t had a roommate until like a few weeks ago when she switched in after problems with her old roommate.

I asked around a bit, generally the story was that her ex roommate brought a boyfriend over constantly and he was just always hanging around. To me, that’s a valid reason to gtfo of there. (Though it pissed me off. College policy is that there is no switching rooms. You sort it out between yourselves or our house manager. So it annoyed me to lose my single room, and the bitch roommate gets a new single with the boyfriend, but that is neither here nor there)

A few days after she moved in, I start to hear more. These girls are international students. Here, most people stick to those from their own country. So I start talking to the people from her country, they allllll know what’s up. Half say it wasn’t my new roommates fault. The boyfriend was a problem. The other half? They say it was entirely her fault. The old roommate apparently accused her of theft and generally messing with her shit. Complaints that she doesn’t clean up after herself, smells bad, and generally never leaves the room.

I’ve found most of that to be true. There’s now a lingering odor in the room since she moved in. She never leaves. Now I don’t know about theft yet, but for the most part, the horror stories have been true.

I didn’t know ANY of this before she moved in. My house manager just said she was “a quiet, studious, academically focused girl”. He got the quiet part right. She never speaks. She hasn’t said more than 5 words to me in weeks. She never leaves the room. I see her go to class like twice a week for an hour each time and then return and get right back into bed. I’ve never seen her study. I think she just skips half her classes because she is always in the dorm. She HAS to be failing. There’s no other explanation.

I don’t necessarily want to say, “hey can you get the fuck out of the room for more than three hours per week?” I don’t think she has a single friend. And when I tell people this, all the bleeding hearts tell me to take her out somewhere. I don’t want to be friends with her! And it also defeats the whole point of getting the room to myself if I’m the one taking her out. I don’t even think she would agree if I asked. She seems to only want to sit in bed, sleep, and doomscroll on her phone.

It sounds awful, but I just want her to drop out. Why come all the way across the world to go to school if you aren’t even going to try? And it’s not like this is some backwater school, it’s T35! Not that that means a TON or makes us better than anyone else else, but it’s not light work to get in. It’s not easy course load. We have some of the strictest grading in the country, known for the opposite of grade inflation. There’s no way she can be doing good like this it’s such a waste of time.

(Side note, I would usually conclude she may be depressed and refer her to our services for that, but according to people I speak to, this is not unusual behavior for our international students. Apparently the majority of them stay in the dorms, sleep all day, and rarely work or attend class)

TLDR: My roommate plays videos on his phone loud that it really penatrates through the thin paper walls. I don really wanna put on noise canceling headphones 24/7. But it is expected that he don give a shit, and would yell back at me to mind my own business as that's what happened when I ask him not to leave dishes and cook pan stuff unwashed in the living room for days.

With paper thin walls in a small condo, here's really no sound proof. And everytime my roommate would watch videos or play music on his phone with speaker on a rather loud noise. Especially if he cook or eats in the living room while playing stuff out his phone, its literally a thin paper wall away from my room, where he'll just sit there for an hour or so enjoying food and his videos.

I usually just cook and bring food back to my room to eat and alway put on earphones to play videos.

I know that he has the "right" to play stuff out loud on his phone as long as its not midnight. But it is just kinda irritating for me to hear clearly of what he is watching. I do admit that i may have misophonia. But honestly its just not really the solution for me to put on noise canceling headphones all day long.

About why I still didnt confront to him about this issue is that last time when I try to tell him that his cooking haven't been washed for days where the greasy and food stain on it starts to sour up. Where he also puts them above the stoves in the kitchen which sometimes i have to move them out to cook. He literally denies the obvious smell and yells at me that I should mine my own business and leave his stuff alone. Where he will clean them when he needs to cook again.

We actually had a great small talk the first day he moved in, but then he just went cold and clearly gets annoyed when I try to have a small talk when I meet him in the shared space a few days after he moved in. I literally dont know what happen.

He also mains competitve fps pc games which I do often hear him raging and curses a lot loudly, losing his temper, while continuing hours on the game.

The experience of confronting to him and his gaming behavior somehow scared my off to confront to him again.

I mean I not that afraid to talk to him, but im sure it will likely make him go insane and yell at me again, which just ends up bad.

I moved into a new apartment 2 months ago. I was close to being homeless, until a friend of a friend offered to split the rent and share his small apartment.

I moved in with him and his two cats. The house is perfect, and my roommate is a super nice guy too - it's just his cats.. They're 1,5 years old and they're sisters, but they are absolute menaces. Don't get me wrong, I am usually a huge pet person, and I'm trying to be really patient with them, but their behavior is seriously clashing with my anxiety disorder: I am constantly anticipating their erraticness or the next broken thing. I have been dreading coming home for this reason cause I can't seem to slow down with the cats around. I really don't know how to bring this up to my roommate; they're his cats, they've been living here all this time with him, and I don't want to sound ungrateful for being given this chance for a place to stay. He seems to have a much better tolerance for their behavior.

For me, it's getting really hard to be patient. They break things, they constantly steal our food (in an erratic and aggressive way), They piss on our stuff, they meow and scratch at the bedroom doors at night, and then when we do let them in, they ruin the beds by ripping the sheets. They also escape into the apartment lobby when the front door opens. This behavior has resulted in me constantly being late for work (cause I'm cleaning up after them at the last minute), constantly buying new household items, having prized possessions/heirlooms broken or pissed on, stressful mealtimes daily, and even health scares cause the cats managed find human medication and chocolate and steal it. It's getting so bad that I'm avoiding to eat at home or spend time in the shared living room at all. I haven't had anyone come over to my place yet because of the cats.

I want to emphasize that the cats are fully bonded to him since they were kittens and they accept me as well. We have been to the vet (luckily they are ok) and to a behavioral therapist but their behavior is not really improving, even though we have made a bunch of positive changes to the house. Obviously the cats are young, which makes sense for them to be destructive teenagers. My roommate is doing his best but he is also at a loss, they are so erratic that it's quite hard to train them. But I am done with him ignoring the consequences of their behavior. I really don't know what to do in this situation and I could use some advice.

TL;DR: I moved into an apartment that has 2 cats that are not mine. The cats are so erratic that they ruin my stuff, cause me sleepless nights, make me late for work and make meals insanely stressful. It's causing my anxiety to shoot through the moon. I need advice on what to do from here.

Unsure on what my next steps should be, but I was able to confirm this morning my roommate has been stealing from me. Starting in January I started to notice a couple of my things missing. I almost never lose stuff, so this was very out of the ordinary for me

At first it was an old pair of shoes I only wore around the house, so I didn't really care or pay much attention to it, but then it became bigger things. A pair of gloves, my driving glasses disappearing from their case, a brand new quarter zip and running hat gone. Food like my ice cream sandwiches only had one left when I went into the freezer. I suspected it may be my roommate who I would consider my friend, but didn't have any proof.

Fast forward to today, and I decided to go into his bedroom to snoop (bad, I know). And on top of a pile of clothes, I found a second pair of gloves that are mine that I could not find this weekend. I did not consider them to be lost yet as I figured they were buried somewhere once winter was over, but I was somewhat shocked to see my proof right in front of my face.

I'm unsure on how to proceed, especially because I was able to figure this out by going into his bedroom with the intention of snooping, which does not reflect well on my end. Any advice would be appreciated!

My roommate has been living with me since June. In 5 months he’s wiped down the toilet once and vacuumed once. Whenever I ask him to help me clean (key word help me) he says it’s my house and he’s not cleaning up after a “grown ass man”. Even though he leaves his mess in the kitchen he expects me to clean up after him. We have a bunch of cats and he refuses to vacuum daily. The other day I told him that he’s going to pay for half of the cleaning service then he threatens me. I’m not scared of him at all so I told him try it and he backed off. It’s getting to the point where I’m going to have to kick him out or fight him. Has anyone else ever had to deal with a dirty lazy roommate?

Problem/Goal: I need to vent because I’m honestly exhausted with my living situation, and I’d appreciate some advice from people who’ve dealt with difficult roommates.

Context: I’ve been sharing my apartment with a schoolmate for almost 10 months. We’re in the same circle of friends, and I was the one who invited her to live with me because I was living alone and thought it would be nice to share the expenses.

I don’t mind having visitors occasionally, but I didn’t expect her boyfriend to come over almost every week and stay for how many days at a time.

The thing is, we share a common bathroom and kitchen, so having another person around that frequently affects my privacy and comfort. I can’t even relax downstairs when they’re both there.
It’s awkward for me to come out of the bathroom wearing just a towel or lounge around without a bra in my own home because her boyfriend is downstairs. He’s not my relative, and I’m simply not comfortable being around him in those situations. I end up feeling like I have to be conscious of what I’m wearing and how I move around my own apartment.

I also found out that my roommate had a duplicate key made without informing me or our landlady. Her boyfriend comes into the apartment without even greeting me, which I find disrespectful.

On top of that, she doesn’t clean regularly, and I’m constantly stressed about the mess and our utility bills. We still split the expenses between the two of us, even though her boyfriend stays here several days a week. I’m at work most of the time and basically just come home to sleep.

I’ve reached my limit. I want her to move out by next month because I genuinely want my home and privacy back.

But here’s where I’m struggling: she’s older than me, we’re friends, and we share the same social circle. I’m an introvert who hates confrontation, and I’m scared she’ll get angry or tell our mutual friends that I’m a bad person. She previously had problems with another roommate and talked about how mean that person supposedly was, so I’m worried the same thing will happen to me.
I want to feel comfortable in my own home again.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting her to move out? How would you approach this situation without creating unnecessary drama?

I’d especially appreciate advice from people who’ve had to ask a friend or roommate to move out. How do you deal with the guilt and the fear of being painted as the bad person afterward?

Exactly as the title says. He's so fucking loud, it is 12:40am, and I have college class tomorrow at 8am. The apartment complex's rules are no loud noises past 10 pm.

I really just need a place to just. Say this. Yes yes yada yada I should just tell him to be quiet, but we're all adults and he's older than me. I feel like this is something that he should know already. And the least thing I want to do right now is talking to the person who's obnoxiously keeping me awake.

To be so fair I think my roommates are just. Bad. They're chill personality wise but they never do any chores around the apartment; typically I'm the only one doing any chores and if I don't do them, no one does. The most they have ever done is taking trash out sometimes (they have NO problem with the trash overflowing and leaving it to me if they don't feel like it). And why do I struggle to clean sometimes? Diagnosed depression (taking meds, dw) as well as other neurodivergent conditions, in the mentally ill and socially-impaired club! Cleaning things and doing chores get difficult sometimes because of it but I'm TRYING. And I am QUIET during night hours.

I guess one of them is better than the other... I actually think that he's quite cool. I think I'm slightly softer on him because he's also struggling with mental stuff and we bonded over that, and also he's the youngest here who grew up the most privileged. He's not doing a lot for the apartment right now but he's learning and doing more at his own pace.

Hey with that said during the whole time I'm typing this long ass post the first roommate mentioned, the oldest of us all, has been squealing and laughing and shouting and hollering on VC nonstop. Think that he's playing a game with friends or something. God save me

Roommate constantly needs a buddy:
My roommate constantly needs attention and I love socializing but sometimes i need my space. I tell her this and she’s like ughhhhh people are not like this where I’m from….

She also asks for my advice on everything and suffers from decision paralysis. For example, she asked me every day if she should quit her job. I tell her my opinion every day and she continues to go to her job. Then she keeps complaining about how she’s not doing enough and only holding down 3 jobs right now. She’s like oh no I have to go apply to more jobs. I’m so lazy right now. I wish I was joking when I was saying this.

Genuinely my roommate is a nice person, but I just do not know what to do. She told me she got something that needs to be around someone or she gets extremely depressed. I enjoy your company a lot of the time but sometimes I just need my space and I don’t think she gets that.

tl;dr very clean roommates upset I'm not pulling my weight, I propose a rota, stick to it, and earnestly ask for feedback in case my standards don't meet theirs. They never gave any or complained about my cleanliness afterwards. However, when I ask them to lock the front door at night, put the extractor fan on in the bathroom when they shower, stop leaving their soiled pants on my bathroom towels or not stuff used socks in my shoes, they say I'm being defensive, and I'm lying about doing any cleaning.

I'm M30 and been living with these roommates (M24-25, both close friends) for 2 years now. At first I thought they were unicorns with how clean they were, but since I typically keep to my room and they host parties in the common areas with their friends, I ended up getting complacent about cleaning common areas and as things became messier my attitude drifted from "lets keep this place spotless" to "well I'll just clean up after myself".

This caused some resentment and we had a couple of painful, multi-hour long conversations where they kept lecturing me about not being a freeloader and growing up, and I kept on asking what they'd like from me that's actionable. I felt very guilty about not pulling my weight and earnestly wanted to make sure that they were satisfied with my contribution, since I had very messy housemates before and didn't want to be 'that guy'. I offered to take over responsibility for deep cleaning an area (e.g. bathroom, kitchen) every week - they refused and said I should just know when to deep clean. For them, this is once every 2 or 3 days, often spontaneously at midnight or at the crack of dawn and imply that I should do the same (though when I ask them for clear expectations - e.g. "if I deep clean the bathroom every week is that okay?" they shut me down and say I'm being defensive). I eventually managed to get them to compromise on a rota, asked them exactly what responsibilities they wanted, and asked if they were unhappy with my job to please give me guidance. I also asked them to lock the front door, to turn the extractor fan on when using bathroom, and to not hang their soiled underwear on my towels when they use the shower.

It's been 2 months and I've religiously stuck to that rota, doing a deep clean of my assigned area every Thursday morning (the reasonable one time my schedule allows). However, we had numerous follow-ups, in person and through text because they haven't followed my requests. They are very adamant that I should not ask via text because we are all adults and this is a friendly respectful environment. However, whenever we talk they lecture me for an hour and call me a liar repeatedly, saying I don't do any of my rota chores and have not done so over the past 8 weeks.

Outside of these follow-ups, they have never brought up anything about my cleanliness or chore contributions after we made the rota. It's only ever when I bring something to attention that their complaints surface. In the same breath they'll tell me they're being nice for not nagging me and make it out like I'm causing problems for bringing them to attention, then call me disrespectful, say that I leave the place in a disgusting state, that I am a freeloader while also getting angry (in one case even screaming in my face and slamming doors). This night I had to talk to them for an hour, at 1 AM, and listen to their grievances dressed in nothing but shower towel, because I asked them to stop putting random socks in my shoes and told them it was weird. This is a new behaviour, happened 3rd time this week that they put socks in my shoes. I've never left clothes outside my room, only my shoes, so I'm not sure why they think I am leaving socks around or what?. Saying "Ayo can yall stop putting random socks in my shoes? Its getting weird" was incredibly disrespectful to them though - and they were not satisfied with my apology or the fact that I binned the soiled socks (despite nobody saying the socks were theirs).

I'm stressed out but for now I'm trying to not let it get to me, sticking to the rota that we agreed on, and ensuring that any place I use is spotless after (toilet, sink, kitchen counter, oven, all wiped down or scrubbed after each use). But the feeling that I can't bring up anything without being ganged up and gaslight (then gaslit again into "why are you so defensive, just talk to us?") is beyond frustrating and I've lost many nights of sleep because of it. I also do not like having my time wasted by these lectures where I can barely get a word in edgeways, but after my housemate's violent outburst I don't want to provoke them further. Any ideas how to shut these conversations down "I said my part in 5 minutes, don't take an hour to gaslight me and call me names"?.

I just got home from being away for a week to mold all over the shower, dishes in the sink, old food in the fridge, dirt all over the floor, etc.

This wouldn’t be a problem (besides the mold and dirt.) If the other things had never been brought up. One of the three other girls complains non stop about how dirty our suite style dorm is, yet does absolutely nothing to clean it. It is always falling on me because no one else will do anything.

Today when I got home, I immediately cleaned out the fridge and took out the trash. When I got back I was locked out, yet overheard them from the hallway with multiple friends in our kitchen talking bad about me saying I had “slammed the door” and calling me a bunch of names when really, my hands were full from the trash and recycling and therefor had to SWING the door closed.

Additionally when I got home, one of the four chairs at our table had gone missing. The room only comes with three chairs, and one of them I had offered from my desk since I had bought my own personal desk chair. Now the school issued chair I put at the table has disappeared!

One last thing, I am particularly bothered by them talking bad about me because when we had first moved in, I made a bad decision to talk bad about one of the roommates, which the one I talked to immediately ran and told. No one told me about the bad things all of them were saying! They all just sit around and laugh, invite more friends!

When I confronted them they said “we were genuinely worried you were upset” but I have them on video laughing and telling the story like it’s some joke.

I genuinely don’t know what to do other than move out. I might write them a letter, if it’s even worth my time. Please give me any advice that you have, I need some maternal support :(

I have a roommate who is notoriously grouchy person. She has been annoying to deal with but over the last 9 months there hasn’t been anything crazy. I but heads a lot more with my other roommate in fact but the two of us are friends so we always work stuff out. Unlike with him my other roommate isn’t really my friend.

Pretty much since we all started rooming together she has been dealing with her only friend in the world going through cancer. We all felt really bad she was going through that. She would be gone a lot of the time out of state with that friend. A few months ago though all of a sudden her friend wouldn’t let her around her anymore. She started displaying some really alarming behavior. Logging into her friends accounts including her medical ones and kind of stalking her. I know because she was talking about it as if it was normal. I just dismissed it as her being worried about her friend.

Then a month ago she started making a bunch of purchases on her friends credit card after she was getting upset she wouldn’t respond to her, and told me she sent her a text telling her that was how she was paying her back. Her friend ended up dying a couple weeks ago and she had to bring a lawyer down with her and said it was because “her family was being weird”.

Me and our other roommate found out she was bringing a car back with her and a mountain of stuff that would fill our garage. I texted her telling her that that wasn’t ok. She had asked about doing this several months ago and was told no. I only knew she was planning to do this because she had piled everything in the garage up to one side to make room for it. I myself got rid of a second car when we moved in and keep much of my stuff in storage. She also has no problem affording a storage unit.

She stopped responding and started telling people that know us from an athletic program we participate in a wildly inaccurate version of what was going on. They talked to me and after i explained things they told her she was being unreasonable and she got even more mad. She showed up with some stuff to unload and needed help lifting it out of her truck. She had the other roommate tell me she needed help but I wasn’t allowed to talk. I helped because whatever, I am used to her being kind of an asshole and she was going through a lot.

That night she unboxed boxes of random dirty dishes and left them stacked all over the kitchen table and counters. Our other roommate ran a load of them in the dish washer but needed to work the following days. After the kitchen had been like that for 24 hours I sent a text in our roommate chat saying “hey what’s going on with all the dishes in the kitchen. Can you please get them sorted so the kitchen is usable”. She ignored it.

Then after 48 hours I sent another message and told her she needed to get the mess dealt with. She said our other roommate was doing it. I responded he didn’t put them there and he does not have time to do them during the work week. She said she was busy. I responded saying she doesn’t work and there is no reason she has to leave the house before she gets that done. She responded saying we need to talk immediately and she was on her way home.

I told her I had had a couple glasses of wine and we were not having a conversation about it that night. She showed up and got in my face slamming dishes around yelling at me while I was cooking with my other roommate. I calmly reminded her I said we weren’t talking about this right now. She almost hit me with the dish washer rack while slamming things around and I scoffed. She proceeded to yell “what’s so fucking funny, what am I supposed to do leave?”. I responded still calmly “no, just please stop trying to talk about this right now and give me some space”.

Then later that night she packed a bag and left the house. She told a lot of people that I know that she can’t stay in the house because I am dangerous and making her fearful for her safety. The people thankfully know her and I well enough that their response was to tell her that’s ridiculous. We are having a roommate meeting to talk to her, but she still has it in her head that she has been wronged. I don’t really know how to proceed. A lot of her behavior with her friend was really alarming. There was another issue earlier this year when I caught her going through our other roommates room when she was having a disagreement with him.

The yelling and slamming things is one thing. But her telling people I was making her fearful for her safety afterwards makes it seam like she was trying to bait me into getting upset so she could claim she was unsafe. I don’t know how to proceed with talking to her about this in a productive way. Does anyone have any advice?

Oh my god :-)

I am having to retrain my brain to not express emotion / basically be a wall in my house because my roommate is “being abusive” (I finally cracked and told my friends everything). I won’t get into all of it, but I just have to say it: IT SUCKS.

It reached a tipping point after our last fight and it was wearing me so ragged that my bestie had to be like, “Hey brother—let us help you get out of this, get into subsidized housing, etc.”

I think it will get easier with time. Or maybe I will be able to express emotion again and just not care what she thinks because I will be disengaged enough to just exist?

I have a LONG awaited therapy appointment on Friday. I need new tools because I don’t know how to deal with this without causing further problems for my health (ex: chronic dissociation via disengaging for safety). I’m already dealing with a LOOOOT of other issues that I desperately need therapy for (was def approaching psych ward territory), but it’s hard when there’s always shit happening at home at the same time. There’s always drama, always something weird that I have to not react to, always something that I have to just decide doesn’t make me feel bad.

I don’t know what to do here, but since all of this abuse is emotional, I have to tell myself that 1) I’m not afraid of her 2) she has no power over me 3) I’m not responsible for her emotional state.

Like… if I disengage enough, she’ll get bored or something?

I’m just so tired. I hope she just gets bored of this.

I hate practicing not feeling because I unfortunately am a person who often feels a lot.

I can’t wait to live alone so I can feel what it means to feel, I suppose.

Anyway. This just sucks.

To sum it up I have been having a feeling my roommate is listening at my door, I couldn't prove it but it was in my gut. I am a woman who's older than him and he's just of drinking age I am in 30s. He is quiet and always home and he isn't straight and we are related. Its a long story why we are roommates but to the story that happened this week.

My bedroom is upstairs and so is the bathroom so you walk up the 8 stairs and theres a 3×3 small platform with the bathroom door straight ahead and my door directly to the right.

On this day I opened my door and he is directly in front of me leaned against the wall as if he was standing there for a long time. When I opened the door he was looking down with his shoulders leaned on the wall and his phone low as if it was hanging in his hand and he brought it up slightly angled to look as if he was on it (thats only my opinion because he didn't act startled when I opened door I believe he froze) and my door doesn't just open its kinda old so it takes an extra second..

I said "what are you doing"?

He said quietly "waiting"

Im walking down the stairs after closing my door and said for what? His said his food I said "is that your waiting spot?"

He said "no"

It was awkward his tone was awkward the confrontation was awkward

His food was downstairs cooking.

Within 20 minutes I came back down and said "do not stand in front of my door again and linger" he said what? I repeated it and he said "okay"

I am now upset there's quite a few other things that have upset me about living with him and now I feel like he's kind of stalking me which makes me feel bad because I dont want to think negative of him but now I cant help it. I am trying not to over think it but I am getting anxiety about him now. Everytime he goes to the bathroom I now believe he is or is trying to listen to me.

His room is always silent unless playing computer games. He doesn't watch TV or listen to music he only watches phone or computers and whatever thats fine but I like to listen to movies games tv music loud go and talk online or to friends and I feel like he is listening to me now because he doesn't have a big social life, what the reason could be idk but I am now having anxiety about him.

So this girl that is about 28 years old and from a different state was totally normal. I showed her my house she played on the monkey bars in the backyard and then I told her she could move in October 10th because that's when her hotel in Clackamas was gonna make her check out. Only red flag she asked both roommates about activities to do with them like running and play soccer. But thought nothing of it. Ok now the crazy shit starts happening she starts texting me one day after moving in she starts texting me at 4:00am about ho her and the other roommate Jared went for a run and smoked weed together after and how she is totally going to date him not that bad but at 4:00am. Next day shit goes off the walls she says she is going to AA and NA meeting with her friend that like guys that are my type and she wants me to meet her friends I decline she then calls me frantically saying there is a dog in her room that her friend left there and her friends took her car and debit card and is gone then she goes crazy and starts yelling and screaming all night at both the other roommates and saying stuff like why don't you fuck me I need a phone charger. The next day she tells me she was sex trafficed when she was younger she does meth and she has mental problems. She tells me she sucked the ex LA lakers coached dick and then gives me his phone number and says he is married but will wire her 3 k for rent if needed. She tells me she will suck my dick for white claw and that I just need to come over and put my dick in her mouth. I tell her I have to get off the phone. At this point I want her out. She is driving roommates crazy threatening them saying she murdered all her ops and send me huge long hip hop raps. I am yet to find out if she has left the house she said she is checking into detox today but I don't know I she leaves a big vibrator in her room and its scattered with condoms I really hope she isn't using my house as some kind fo brothel. Well end of rant, mind you this person was completely normal when I met them at first.

For context, I live in a 4 bed/4 bath cottage (like a house). We are all 19-21 yr old females

3 of the roommates I live with are friends and have lived together. They were random to me. I have said at the beginning of the year that we need to try to keep doors locked as a boundary of mine. My boyfriends apartment (not here but while I was staying with him (we weren’t there)) got broken into and the house right behind us has gotten broken into and we live in a college town. One of my roommates has been complaining (the only one) about minor issues like trash and dishes, and the issues she’s talking about aren’t really happening but I validate and understand.

The issue is that last night around 9:50 ish I locked the front and back door before bed. I didn’t deadbolt it or anything. Two of my roommates were knocking on the door at 9:57 with their dogs that they took out to walk. I didn’t know they were out walking the dogs. I let them in. I get a message from the same roommate that has complained before about other stuff saying “Can we not lock the doors unless we know everyone is inside and or has a key cs this keeps happening when I leave the house for 5min I come back and it’s locked and I don’t have a key or maybe at least leave the back door open cs it’s annoying”

I responded saying “I’d prefer to keep the doors locked when I’m in bed for the night. Could we maybe say after 10 the doors are locked or do you have another suggestion? ” which I felt was very fair and understandable. She then said “I went outside for 10min to walk my dog. And you locked all the doors. I understand wanting to keep the doors locked when it’s night time. It was 8 pm. And I went outside for 10 minutes. I’m not gonna take my keys outside everytime I walk my dog if it’s late. So maybe we can just not lock the doors as soon as we hear someone leave maybe we can wait like an hour if their not back then ok u can lock it. But it’s frustrating bc it seems like everytime I walk outside for 5min I walk back and the door is locked. I lock the doors every night so that’s not a concern. Bc this happens during the day as well. And we go to bed at different times so maybe when u go to bed early and ppl are doing things u can just lock ur bedroom door?”

Mind you it was 9:50 not 10, and last night she said 5 minutes but now it’s 10? I replied saying “Look, I am not trying to lock you guys out if I know you’re gone and coming back soon. However, for me, I am going to lock the door before I go to bed.”

She then said “Look, u need to be more considerate of the ppl u live with. The door is going to get unlocked either way. And if ur gonna set boundaries u need to verbalize them.”

I just left her on read (this was all in the roommate gc, no one else has said anything). I feel like she is being very dismissive and inconsiderate. What do I do? 

TLDR:, roommate is mad I want to lock the doors at 10 pm because she doesnt want to carry her keys when she walks the dog.

Edit: I did NOT know that they weren’t home. I didn’t purposefully lock them out. I am not asking that they don’t go out after 10 pm or dictating what they do with their own bedroom doors. I feel like having the doors locked after 10 pm in a college town in a house of all girls where we’ve had people be watching us is NORMAL.

Idk if it matters but I’m 23 F and my roommate is 27F we live in a 1 bed + 1 den 1 bathroom apartment. When I first moved in everything was cool and she’d have her bf (45M, yeah a whole separate issue in itself for me) over prob once a week. More context is that i am away from the apartment basically every weekend from Friday evening to Monday Evening. I feel like I see her bf too much now since their visits have increased.
I’ll come home from work Monday evening and he’s there, he’ll sleep over
I’ll come over Wednesday evening and he’s there and he’ll sleep over
He’ll also randomly coming over on Tuesdays or Thursdays
Now am I asking for too much if I ask her if she could have her bf over more on weekends when I’m not around instead of him being over more than 50% of the time I’m at home💀 (Monday-Thursday) ?