I've been thinking about how overthinking can sometimes become a barrier to actually getting things done.

When faced with a difficult situation, it's easy to start imagining every possible outcome, anticipating problems, and trying to find the perfect solution before taking action. The more possibilities we consider, the more overwhelming the situation can become.

Sometimes, we spend so much time trying to figure everything out in our heads that we never get around to doing anything about it.

A few things that might help:

- Recognize when you're repeatedly thinking about the same problem without making any real progress.
- Accept that you can't predict or solve every possible problem in advance.
- Focus on the next practical step instead of trying to figure out the entire path ahead.
- Learn to tolerate uncertainty and accept that some things will only become clear through experience.
- Pay attention to your emotional state instead of assuming every problem can be solved through more logical analysis.

Thinking things through is valuable, but there's a point where more thinking stops helping and starts keeping us stuck. Sometimes, taking action with an imperfect plan teaches us more than another hour of analysis.

I'm curious how others deal with this. How do you know when to keep thinking through a problem and when to stop analyzing and just take action?

I have extremely frequent and strong intrusive thoughts, and they make me feel chronically stressed.

Usually, my intrusive thoughts either revolve around hurting other people emotionally [by me acting like an idiot. Those are usually based on behaviors I have/had in RL, but amplified to extreme levels] or terrible situations [being kicked out of home, losing a future partner, and way worse things].

How could I stop them? They have gotten way more frequent [more than ten times per day], and I feel very stressed.

They are so uncomfortable that I start to talk nonsense out loud involuntarily and messing with things around me physically [objects, and also people. The last one creates extremely awkward and real situations for me].

I feel so tired. The common advice [just don't pay attention] didn't work.

Quite recently I’ve been thinking about my place in my friend group and honestly, I really feel like the floater friend or the odd one out. I constantly feel like the loser of the group all because my life doesn’t even compare to theirs.
 
I’m 34m, all my friends are just slightly younger. Our friend group is small, about 8 of us in the group. We’ve all been friends since freshman/ sophomore year of high school (2007/2008). In our group, there are 3 couples plus me and my other friend, we’ll call her G, who are single. Before anyone says anything, she is not my type. Anyways, this is one area of my friend group where I feel like an odd one out. Everyone in my friend group either has their person or people they can count on. Me, I don’t have anyone. My friend G, she has her cousins and her younger brother that she’s close with. All of them have someone they can go travel with, go on dates with, just do stuff with. I do everything alone.
 
Just a couple months ago I took a solo trip to New York City. I constantly take myself out on solo dates. I go to the movies by myself. I go to restaurants by myself. I even took myself to a nice dinner last year for my birthday and most likely going to do it again this year. I know I can always ask them if they want to go with me but whenever I do, it’s always that they’re busy. And even the things I want to do, they’re not interested in.
 
One thing that irks me about that too is, when it’s someone else asking the group if they want to do something, most of the time everyone is available. And I get it, everyone’s lives are busy and we don’t have free time like we used to and that we must make time for each other. But it always feels like they make time for each other but never me.
 
Another thing that makes me feel like the odd one out is money. If I’m not mistaken, I’m the one who makes the least amount of money out of all my friends, aside from G who quit her job earlier this year, but I’ll get back to that. One of my friends, lets call her V, works for a successful content creator on Instagram and she makes six figures. She’s looking into buying a home with her BF, but she lives rent free with her parents when she’s back home and free with the person she works for. Both the married couples, O+M and N+S, both have their own home but had help from their parents. N+S’s parents bought them their house in San Diego. And G lives rent free with her parents. I, on the other hand, gave my parents $15,000 for the down payment of our house and I’m helping with a portion of the mortgage. We split it 4 ways between both my parents, my older brother, and me. It eats up a bit of my income, but I’ve created a way for myself to track my spending and able to save what I can.
 
However, my friends make enough money to be able to travel. Like right now, O+M are 2 weeks into their Korea trip. V+A were just in China for a week and now in Korea, again. They also were able to go to Japan earlier this year. G is back in Korea meeting with V+A and is staying there for another 3 months. She did the same earlier this year. N+S traveled across Europe earlier this summer and had other trips this year as well. Only traveling I’ve done this year was going to New York City for 3 days. And it took me a while to save up for that trip.
 
I know I sound envious, and I partially am especially with the whole house thing. But don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and am happy for them for achieving obtaining a house especially in this economy and finally going on the trips they’ve been wanting to go on.
 
And I know I shouldn’t compare my life to theirs but its hard when our group chat is filled with travel photos and new home decorations.
 
I guess what I’m looking for is advice to stop comparing my life to everyone elses.

Lately I have started to delve into psychology very deeply because I realized that I am very mentally unstable. I suspect that I have ADHD and this process is very difficult because of that:

One day I can feel sorry for myself for the way my mother treated me, the second day I will hate myself for my narcissism and what I did in past, for the third day, I will be afraid of everything because I have autism and can't understand the social norms. And so on in a circle, always kind of forgetting the previous concern and switching to the next one.

It's as if I can't accept that I can have several problems at the same time, which can make me a victim or an aggressor at different periods of my life at the same time. I think that logically it's true, but emotionally, it's hard for me to accept this. I just can't put all parts of my mind together.

Nothing makes me happy or passionate, I tried many hobbies and things to do but I never felt happy passionate or felt the need to do something or be obsessed with something for more than a couple of days, I don't know what I want for my career or my future since I don't like anything in particular which makes it hard for me to imagine the future and therefore move forward, I don't where and how to move forward, almost everything makes me miserable, I don't know what kind of person I want to be or choose, I can't imagine myself even 1 year into the future because I genuinely do not know what I should be doing and I have been in this idle state for some time now, it's making me miserable lazy and unproductive, I am not living or doing anything I am just standing still

Please help thanks :)

Recently I (Male in his late teenage years) had a series of crashouts with my parents, in which I almost hit my mother once. They all happened because of diabolicaly stupid shit like: "I didn't eat breakfast today", "I didn't prepare for a test yesterday", "I decided to play games instead of working out". Today, my mom crashed out against me, telling how hard her life is and how she hates it.

The thing is... What she said is true. She works 12 hours a day to earn enough money to pay for my college and I genuinely just do THAT shit to her. She can't even afford basic things like clothes because she is supplying me entirely. Beforehand, I thought my parents to be uncaring and asshole-ish, but in the end, It was me who is an asshole.

Now, I can really feel ashamed of myself. I am borderline narcissistic in how I view myself, which doesn't really make me less of a joke in a sense that I barely do anything myself to make myself worth something. My grades plummeted because I barely can make myself do any homework, and I stopped working out because I "don't have time for that", even though I do if I cut down on doomscrolling and videogames. Before anyone says it's depression - it is not. If it was depression, I wouldn't be enjoying myself with friends both irl and when playing videogames together. I also do take care of myself and only occasionally feel too lazy to make food or take a bath. That's clearly not what is happening.

This also isn't a first time I feel like this. This situation basically has repeated itself all my life cyclicaly and only now I am placing the pieces together. Now, I am looking for a way to better myself at least slightly. I tried to find excuses like stress or anxiety but I don't think I qualify (Stress is when you are never resting, I am never working basically).

Is there a way to break the cycle and become better? Perhaps, my evaluation is wrong or incomplete and the problem is completely different? Help.

Hi, I'm a 21 year old woman who needs to get her license badly. I'm not a bad driver, when I did practice driving as an 18 year old I was pretty good at it, but due to fear and anxiety about other drivers I got terrified of being able to drive on the road, so I never took the steps to actually do the test and get my license, I've never even had temps before. I rejected/ignored help from my stepmom due to my father and mom telling me I couldn't drive/saying it was okay for me to never learn how to, and now I'm regretting it. I live with my older brother and I've been relying on my brother and Uber/LEFT to get to work and do my laundry since we don't have a washer or dryer, and I feel horrible about it. I feel like I'm taking advantage of him and I want to be able to drive myself around so he doesn't have to.

I want to be able to drive myself around, and help him out with things that involve driving so I'm not so much of a burden on my brother. I'm so grateful for him, and I should've come to this realization sooner, I just didn't want to face the fact that I'm growing up and I can't rely on others anymore as much as I used to.

What steps should I take to get my license? Please help me out.

I was a bully in high school and briefly in grade school. Not to get into specifics but I was pretty terrible. Rumors, shit talking, belittling, the whole mean girl act. I had a lot of mental health issues that I didn’t exactly know how to handle, with some sexual abuse thrown into the mix. Not an excuse, just context. I liked feeling like part of the group and having people like me. And dragging people down made me feel a little better about my own miserable life. I tried to change the last two years ish of high school but I was still generally known and had the reputation of being a mean individual. I know I’ve affected people severely. I easily could’ve killed people with my actions and it’s a miracle I didn’t.

My question is, is it bad to feel relief after apologizing? I’ve apologized to all of my victims and just about everyone I can generally remember being rude to. Some of them accept it some don’t. It doesn’t matter to me whether or not they do, because that’s not the point of apologizing. Is it bad to feel a sense of calm or like my guilt being eased? I never ever ever want to seem like my apologies are just for the sake of stroking my ego or to make it easier for me to sleep at night. But it does make me feel better to apologize, which makes me feel like shit. No part of this should feel good to me. I try my hardest to accept myself as I am and just ensure my affect on others is strictly positive, but I also struggle with punishing myself. Whether it’s isolating myself, sabotaging relationships, etcetera, I tend to feel as if I’m a threat to others. And I feel guilty for feeling relief after apologizing, because that makes me think there’s part of me that’s only doing this to feel better.

I in no way want to come off as excusing my actions or throwing myself a pity party. Thank you to anyone who reads this.

I’m 18 and I started college this year. I’ve been struggling since I was in high school with procrastination, and now it’s ruining my life and I’m scared that if I don’t do something soon I’ll waste my life being miserable.

I can’t really seem to do anything. I don’t have the motivation to do anything, and I don’t know what to do, there’s stuff I wanna do, I want to study and finish my major, I wanna be healthier and go to the gym, I wanna go back to enjoying my hobbies, but no matter how much I tell myself I want it, I just don’t do it.

It’s not just the stuff people usually “don’t like to do," like studying or working out, it’s everything. I’ll tell myself I want to go play a video game I bought months ago and haven’t touched since, but I still don’t do it. Just turning on the pc to play seems like a hard task.

Back when I was in high school, it didn’t seem to affect me so much cuz even tho I really didn’t do anything, I did well in high school, even tho I’m so lazy at least Im still somewhat “responsible”, I always did my homework, probably at last hour, but I did it, I studied for my tests like one day prior but I managed to do well so I didn’t worry too much.

But now I’m in college, and obviously I can’t keep doing that, I’m studying engineering, and I’m not dumb. I know engineering is hard and requires a lot of effort. I knew what I was getting myself into last year but I thought I’d just “pull myself together” and stop being lazy once I was in college, but I’m not and now I’m failing one of my classes, and I’m scared I’ll keep failing and just end up wasting my time. I know what I have to do, I know I have to study and have better habits but no matter how much I try I can’t seem to do it.

It’s not even like I’m wasting my time playing games or going out instead of being responsible with my studies, like I said, I don’t do anything at all, I struggle to even get out of bed. Sometimes I wake up and take three hours to get out bed.

I’ve told my mom how I feel seeking for advice but she just tells me the obvious, that I’m lazy and just need to pull myself together, and I know that, but how? How do I do it?

I don’t wanna keep living like this. How do I stop? How do I actually manage to pull myself together and stop wasting my life being lazy?

Turned 25 a few months ago. My life feels like it’s completely fucked up… even tho it’s not. I have very supportive parents who help me in every way, really good best friends and a supportive boyfriend! I gradated a year ago,did internships

I got applied got interview back? But they ghosted me so I don’t feel like doing that. A little TMI and something to vent- we went through a miscarriage earlier in the relationship and my health was really bad. Just started getting better now

Had fever, constant headaches! Gained so much weight

He had other issues going on his life- and we had a lot of fights. We both reacted in ways we wouldn’t be proud of or react again like that. We had almost a breakup but we didn’t!

I feel like I’m getting my body back finally but I feel so guilty of missing out in my professional life… I wasn’t able to do much at all. Now I’m looking back I am like what the fuck? I really want to restart ny life again- but I feel so lost and not myself and just struggling. I know I have so much faith in myself… but I just can’t. Also a lot of people I trusted betrayed it…. And the blinds are finally off my eyes.

I feel so guilty and at the same time lost. Like I don’t want to do anything!

Self image will change your life

I read Psycho-cybernetics, and it's a great book and I highly recommend it for people who really want to change.

And its whole idea revolves around feeding your mind positive feedback and to turn down any bad conviction about yourself, imagine what you want to be for 10 mins daily and you'll actually tend to finish your tasks instead of postponing them, however you shouldn't rely on your imagination or it will turn against you, daydreaming isn't self image refinement in fact it's the opposite, for more details read the book it's not that long, and I assure you that at least you'll start to treat yourself better.

To reach your goal, you also have to imagine yourself during the process, for instance you want to be a doctor imagine yourself studying so hard to be a doctor or imagine yourself performing surgery, DON'T FORGET TO PULL OUT ANY BAD CONVICTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF.

I know you won't believe this, but the book says that if you hate your past or it's weighing on your back, you can refine it through imagination, you can turn a bad or embarrassing situation into something normal that doesn't bother you each time your remember it.

Take a seat and breathe for a moment, you don't have to be cruel to yourself, reach your goals, enjoy the process because it's the reason most people fail because they want results instantly.

I’ve been thinking about why starting a task can feel so difficult, even when you genuinely want to get it done. Sometimes it’s not that the task is particularly hard or takes that much time. You just can’t seem to get yourself to begin, and then you end up feeling guilty for wasting time.
I came across an explanation that motivation seems to depend on more than just how important something is to you. Things become easier to start when they feel interesting, urgent, challenging, or new.
It would explain why some people can spend hours doing something they enjoy but struggle to spend even 20 minutes on something important. It might also explain why working right before a deadline feels so much easier than starting days in advance.
A few strategies that made sense to me:
Using a timer to create a sense of urgency, rather than waiting for a real deadline.
Working alongside someone else, even over a video call, to make it easier to stay on task.
Changing your environment when a task starts feeling boring.
Breaking work into short sessions with planned breaks instead of expecting yourself to focus for hours.
I find the timer idea particularly interesting because it makes a huge task feel temporary. Instead of thinking, “I have to finish all of this,” you only have to work for the next 25 minutes.
I’m curious how other people deal with this. What actually helps you get started when you have zero motivation? Do you rely on deadlines, routines, making the task more interesting, or something else entirely?

I’ve noticed that sometimes I avoid doing something not because I have no time, but because I feel like whatever I can manage right now isn’t enough to make a difference.
If I have only 20 minutes to study, I think there’s no point because I can’t get a proper session done. If I want to start a project, I feel like I should finish another course first or find a better approach. And if I’m not motivated, I convince myself I’ll do it when I’m in the right mood.
The weird thing is that all these reasons sound logical in the moment. I’m not necessarily sitting around thinking I want to waste time. I’m telling myself I need to prepare better, do more, or find a more efficient way.
But sometimes I wonder if this is just procrastination disguised as high standards. Maybe doing 20 minutes consistently is better than repeatedly waiting for the perfect three-hour session. Maybe starting imperfectly is better than spending another week figuring out the best way to start.
I’ve also noticed how easy it is to consume self-improvement content and feel like I’m making progress, even when my actual behavior hasn’t changed much.
I’m curious how other people deal with this. How do you stop convincing yourself that a small effort isn’t worth doing, and start taking action even when you’re not motivated or fully prepared?

We almost hooked up made out sucked on her tits in the bathroom cuddled for 6 hours but was told it was just the alcohol and that she loves me platonically but not romantically, sexually, or physically. But that night felt insanely intimate and special to me but it all was just platonic specialness to her. Told her “Hey, I realized that with all the back-and-forth, my head is just too scrambled right now. To protect my own peace and stop the loop, I just need things to stay surface-level between us for a while so I can feel okay again. I just wanted to lyk incase u feel a diff vibe. Having it not like that is what makes me anxious and keeps me thinking abt it. Okay so imma start doing that. Sorry I felt good in that moment but yeah not anymore I don’t rlly wanna get into it again. “🫶🏼 it’s been 1 month 1/2 of this boundary I still feel like there’s mixed signals but maybe I’m just in denial the main things that make me feel this way is how she acted sorta exclusive abt me being the only friend she’d do this with and also cause she told me when she thought I was gonna makeout with another one of our friends she got jealous and was like why her I’m right here. But it’s all just platonic she saids she saids, “anything I do can be platonic it’s just the feeling and how I see the person. “ I feel like I’m genuinely going insane when I try and talk to her abt it like she gets mad if I seem to be doubting what she’s saying cause it doesn’t make sense, so breaking no contact to try and do that seems scary. She’s made it Incredibly clear she doesn’t see me as a dating prospect but idg the rest of her feelings. And I honestly feel like I shared apart of myself I can’t get back with her that night. I genuinely don’t know what the move is in this relationship I need help navigating how to find the move in this (we’re in the same friend group too) like how long do I keep the distance up for I kinda miss our old friendship but I also feel feelings I can’t explain.

I’ve been thinking about how procrastination isn’t always about poor time management. Sometimes, we put things off because we don’t want to deal with the discomfort of trying something difficult, failing, or realizing we’re not as good at it as we thought.
Avoiding the task gives us temporary relief, but we end up making no progress.
Here are a few things that might help:
Make distractions less accessible. Keep your phone in another room or use website blockers so you’re less tempted to avoid the work.
Focus on one major goal at a time instead of trying to improve every area of your life simultaneously. Give it your attention for a set period, like 90 days.
Get comfortable being a beginner. Your first attempts don’t have to be impressive. Focus on getting better rather than worrying about how you look.
Break overwhelming tasks into smaller steps. Sometimes, all you need to do is open the document, write the first sentence, or attempt the first problem.
When you get stuck, look for a solution instead of letting the obstacle stop you. Ask someone for help, look up a tutorial, or use the resources available to you.
Stop waiting until you feel ready. Sometimes, confidence comes from taking action and seeing yourself improve.
Of course, procrastination has different causes, and these approaches won’t work equally well for everyone. But making it easier to start and harder to get distracted seems like a good place to begin.
What’s helped you overcome procrastination the most? Was it changing your environment, focusing on fewer goals, or learning to accept that you won’t be good at something right away?

Sometimes you can miss someone and still know that letting them go was the right decision.

You can miss the conversations, the little moments, and the version of yourself that existed when you were with them.

But slowly, you start realizing that missing someone doesn't mean you need them back.

You can wish them well, appreciate what the experience taught you, and still choose a different life for yourself.

I think healing is when you stop needing the story to end differently to be okay with how it ended.

Here's to finding peace without needing all the answers. 🌱

I don’t remember the first time. That’s one of the strangest things about my childhood. There is not a single moment I can point to and say “that’s when it began”. I only remember that it was there. 
I was four when my mother and stepdad got together. Some of my earliest memories are of my mom being mean to me and my stepdad hurting me in ways I didn’t have the words to understand. My mom was my safe space and my biggest fear all at the same time. She was better than him but she was mean at times too. My stepdad seemed the same around other people as he did when we were alone, man could he hide it well.
 I didn’t know whether anyone knew or not or could tell what was happening or not. One time I was really sick with a fever while staying the night with an aunt and uncle. I was crying when my uncle came in to wake me and ask if I was okay and when he approached me I jumped, like I was afraid of him before I could see who he was. He asked me straight forward if anyone was doing something bad to me that he should know. I said “no.” I don't know whether he already knew something was wrong. I don't know what made him ask. I only know that it was the first and only time anyone ever asked me a question like that, and I lied. Not because nothing was happening but because I was taught that if I told, my mom would be mad at me. I was a child, and somehow I had learned to carry a secret that was never mine to carry.
 I was a quiet little girl. I loved playing house and barbies with my cousins and my best friend. I loved animals, they felt safe and warm. I was extremely sensitive. I cried about everything, or at least that’s what everyone seemed to think. Even my mom made fun of me for crying so much.
I loved school, and I especially loved books, specifically the Junie B. Jones series. Books gave me a place I could disappear into for hours. I had dreams. Dreams like a normal child should. I wanted to be an ambulance driver and a “dancer at night” . I had NO idea what being a dancer at night meant, now I know why my mom laughed when I told her. I meant dancing. Actually dancing. I don’t even have a dancing bone in my body, it is funny to think about now. 
There was a little girl inside all of that fear that still had ordinary dreams. She wanted to play. She wanted to read. She wanted animals around her. She wanted friends. She wanted love. She cried easily and loved deeply. She didn’t know that her nervous system was being taught that she was bad. She didn’t know that the bad things that were happening to her weren’t her fault. 
All she knew was that she was scared and that she somehow had to try to find a way to be good enough so that the people she loved wouldn’t be angry with her. 
When I finally gained the courage to tell my mom what had been happening for the last ten odd years of my childhood I felt extremely nervous. I had carried it for so long that even saying the words felt terrifying, but I knew one thing:  I wanted something to change. 
I don’t really remember thinking about what would happen years later or what it would mean for our family. I was just a kid. I just wanted it to stop. I find myself thinking about the timing sometimes. I had just gotten caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing, and I wonder if that changed everything. I wonder if I had told her on a different day, at a different time, when I wasn’t already in trouble, maybe she would have responded differently. 
When I finally told her, she was taken aback. She kept asking if I was doing it for reasons that were absurd like if it was just to get out of trouble, or if my biological dads side of the family put me up to it because I had just started getting close with them for the first time in my life. 
Those questions stayed with me because I was not doing it to get out of trouble or because someone had put me up to it. I was trying to get out of something that I had been trapped inside of for years. Eventually I came to the harsh realization that she was not going to leave him, and that hurt in a way I don’t think I will ever be able to explain.
I had this big idea that telling would mean freedom for me. Instead I still had to live in the same house with him. We weren’t allowed to be alone together anymore. After school, I had to go to my aunt’s instead of going home, and if I did have to be left alone, like if my mom worked early which she often did, she would lock my bedroom door. 
I look back now and know that she may have thought she was protecting me, but that is not what it felt like. It felt like I was the one being punished. I had told on him, and somehow my life was the only one that felt it had changed. I had to be sent somewhere else. I had to have my door locked. I  couldn’t simply come home after school like other kids, and he was still there. The person I had finally found the courage to tell on was still living in my house. I had wanted telling to make me free, and instead I wound up feeling more trapped than I had before.
After telling, we never really talked about it again. Not really. I was twenty-six before my mom and I finally began talking about it again. The only other time I remember her bringing it up was about a year after I had told her. She asked me if it was still happening, it wasn’t. That was the end of the conversation. It was almost as if the abuse had stopped, and because it had stopped, everything else could stop too. 
The questions stopped. The conversations stopped. The acknowledgement stopped. I was expected to go back to treating him like my dad , just like I always had before. I couldn’t go back to who I had been before I told her. Something was ignited inside me. 
My mom to this day says I can tell her things, but I spent so many years believing that if I told her it could make things worse for me that I learned how to keep things to myself. My dad had taught me to be afraid of what would happen if I spoke. I think some part of me still listens to that lesson even now. I am twenty-six years old, and I still catch myself hiding things. I was angry. I was angry at him for what he had done to me and my developing body and mind. I was angry at my mom too.
I was angry that my mom had stayed. I was angry when I realized their relationship was still working. I was especially angry when I realized that they were still intimate with each other. I didn’t know what to do with that kind of anger. How could the person who had hurt me become just another part of her life again? How could she possibly love him after knowing all that she knew? 
And maybe the hardest question underneath all of it was one I didn’t know how to say out loud: Why wasn’t what happened to me enough to change everything?
For years, I thought maybe I was supposed to be over it because the abuse was over, but let me tell you, those are two completely different things. The abuse had stopped. I had NOT stopped carrying it. 
I couldn’t hate my dad openly. I was supposed to respect him. I was supposed to act normal. My younger siblings were watching me, and I somehow knew that I couldn’t let everything in their life fall apart. So I learned how to play pretend, all those years of playing house as a kid paid off. I could sit in the same room with him. I could answer him. I could act like he was my dad. I could do all the things I was expected to do. 
However, inside I knew. He knew, and neither of us ever said it. He never acknowledged what happened. There was no apology, ever. There has still yet to be an apology 12 years later. No explanation. No moment where he looked at me and admitted what he had done. Nothing, Absolutely nothing. So I carried it silently while everyone else continued living as though everything was normal. 
I think that was one of the strangest parts of growing up after abuse. The world doesn’t necessarily change when someone hurts you. Sometimes the dishes still need to be washed. You still have school in the morning. Your siblings still need you. Your family still eats dinner together.  The person who hurt you can sit across the room from you and nobody says a word. So you learn to live two lives at once. The life everyone can see, and the life that only you know exists.

A person who is pure-hearted and still hates themselves is still a good person. Let's be honest, your opinion about yourself does not change anything as long as it's not constructive. Hating yourself is not an opinion, it's a traumatic response.

Your nature is pure, you really do try the best you can with what you have to help others and improve this place - even if you punish yourself afterwards for not being perfectly aligned. In some conditions, your body attacks itself in order to protect you from an internal threat - yet ultimately it still attacks itself. You, in your emotional self-hating moments, are the same.

You are still pure because your self-loathe is a distorted way to help others based on previous commentaries and past scars. You weren't born hating yourself, you are giving generously from a wounded and fearful place (fear = False Evidence Appearing Real).

I have a feeling that I want to redeem myself from my actions from the past, but at the same time I feel that I just want to redeem myself just because I don't want to feel like a bad person. I think that if I had a "redeem yourself" button, I would press it.

Probably because it's hard for me to take the responsibility over my actions and not blame everyone around me for my mistakes and I find it very tiring, energy consuming and embarrassing.

On a cognitive level I know that it's totally not the right thing to do but on an emotional one I'm struggling. Also I don't really know how the redemption works because I oftenly view the world in black and white: "you're either a bad or a good person".

From the very childhood I oftenly victimized myself and thought of myself as of a saint and when I realized that i'm not and I did a lot of bad actions, I'm just lost about how should I move forward if a belief that I kept in my head was wrong. I can't accept myself as something different from a bad or a good person, I can't accept that someone could do good things but at the same time do bad things.

todays Thursday, on Sunday night i ding dong ditched a house with my friends and they had a ring camera, i was meant to cover it and my friend was meant to actually knock on the door, well that's exactly what happened. my dad works at a restaurant with all my uncles and i thought i wouldn't get caught but i did. the lady who owns the house put my face on Facebook and now i feel like total shit. I'm scared that my reputation will impact my dad and the restaurant. i don't what to do. my parents want the best for me all the time and they never want me to go outside but they let me anyway because they want me to happy. i don't know what to do. I'm going the completely wrong direction in life, 2 years ago i was straight as shit i would never do stuff like this and i just feel like I've changed as a person so much recently FOR THE WORST , i got confronted about it for the first time by my dad like an hour ago an i lied and said that i was going to a local football match with 2 real friends and then i said on the way home, after the match finished, i was walking home on my own because both of my friends got their parents to pick them up. i then said that 3 people i don't know very well but are in my school said that i am boring and made other shit up to my parents, basically i told them i was about to get HOPPED if i didn't cover the camera for them. In reality none of that is true, I never went outside to watch a football match, i went outside for the sole purpose of chilling outside with my friends and doing some fireworks. I come from south Asian parents and community, and to them staying out late is a big red flag. I'm more scared about what others will think about me now that i went from a nice innocent kid to my face being plastered all over the local community Facebook page.

if anyone knows what to do i would love to know and everything is appreciated, thanks a lot.

I truly need help on this

For reference I'm 18M. For a good portion of my life I was abused by women who hated men. They talked about how superior women were and how men are disgusting animals with dirty gross minds. I remember being 13 and having a grown adult woman make fun of me because at the time I wasn't sexually active. Nobody cared. People just laughed it off if anything. I joined a feminist server when I was 16 because I was interested in the movement and the frontpage was just a moderator talking about how women are biologically better because they can "give life" or whatever. My stepmom cares about my sister more than me, and sticks with the notion that "boys are gross" or whatever. She hates gender roles yet I'm expected to provide and care for any future wife I have. I had women say there's something wrong with my mind and my body. I was sent suicide statistics as early as 14 and when I talked about it, I was told I "probably did something to deserve being sent those statistics." Again, all from grown women.

My entire life I had adults tell me any abuse I have is necessary because all my abusers "had a rough time" with men, as if it's an excuse to lash out at a child. I'm also queer, and dealt with a fair share of homophobia from women, which of course was excused.

I really don't want to have these thoughts. It's very hard to not get them when I get reminded more than once what happened to me and the fact that noone truly cares because I'm a man. I don't have any female friends right now. I was close with one girl but I cut her off because I found out she was homophobic.

I'm not looking for people to make fun of me and call me a disgusting person for the millionth time. I actually want help. If anyone can give suggestions that would be great

I am 29, and I feel I have no support system in my life. Everybody in my life who has ever cared for me is gone. The other people I have left here don’t truly care about me or have my back. My mother tries to degrade me every chance she can especially when people are around.

My friends of years (who I have recently decided to stop associating with) knew my gf was cheating on me, and didn’t tell me anything. Then proceeded to make fun of me for it happening. This has led me to develop this odd sense of OCD. Where I’m afraid to mess up so I double, then triple check everything I’m doing.

An example of this is when I’m on my phone. I double check my social media to make sure I didn’t accidentally post anything that could be embarrassing although there is no reason to think that would happen.

I am afraid to mess up. Not because I’m worried about being perfect. More so I don’t want to give people the satisfaction of seeing me fail or fall. Maybe that’s an ego thing? I’m not sure. I just feel that people currently in my life feed off this negative energy.

However, I don’t like the feeling of this. I feel this OCD is partially ruining other portions of my life. If anyone is experiencing this or has any advice I’d love to hear your thoughts.

That’s all. I’m 28 and have been in therapy for 8 years. I look around and see friends who are good and just seem good hearted or genuinely well-intentioned and care for their friends and are careful not to hurt others and I wonder why I’m not like that.

I mean, I try not to be a bother to people, but beyond that I think I mostly focus on myself.

After failing at a recent potential relationship…
I’m digging more in therapy to try and figure why/what could have made me develop maladaptive ways of thinking or behaviors growing up (mostly thinking. I think a lot).

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Also, sometimes I feel like an asshole in the making. I just haven’t done enough crappy things to be labeled a total jerk.