I had an 11-hour flight recently. I paid extra to sit in the bulkhead row with extra legroom to have a comfortable flight, but the girl sitting next to me had a bad cold. She leaned toward my side most of the time when she rested—I guess because I am a woman and the person on her left was a man, so she hesitated to lean toward him. She was coughing and blowing her nose every half hour or so. Instead of turning away or coughing into her elbow, she coughed toward me without covering her mouth.

I wanted to ask her, "Can you please not cough toward me?" But then I wasn't sure if that would cause an argument, and I had to sit next to her for hours, so I didn't say anything. I ended up having a long, uncomfortable flight sitting next to her. If you were me, what would you do in a situation like that?

I'm 42M, and I've realized that my social life has slowly become almost nonexistent. I'd like to meet new people and make friends, but I've discovered that I'm pretty terrible at starting casual conversations with strangers.

The funny thing is, I work in sales management, so talking to people professionally isn't a problem at all. But take away the work context, and suddenly I have no idea what to say.

How do you approach someone without making it awkward? What do you talk about? And how do you keep a conversation going without turning it into some kind of interview?

I also struggle with turning a nice random conversation into an actual connection.

I'm not really looking for the usual "just be yourself" advice. I'm curious about people who genuinely struggled with this and managed to improve.

What actually worked for you? Did you practice, change your mindset, or just get better with experience?

I have hobbies and things I enjoy doing, but I feel like I don't have areas of major interest or passion which can make conversation difficult. For example, I've loved reading since I was a kid, I work in a bookshop, I love all things bookish, but if someone asks me my favourite book or my favourite author I genuinely just get a mind blank. Sure some books are better than others, and some are awful, but majority of what I read is just Good.

I feel like people tend to have their favourite topics or special interest areas which they know a lot about, for example I have a friend who loves David Lynch and they knows loads about him and has seen all his films and read multiple books on him.

I don't really have any specific knowledge on any topics, and I have a very broad surface level interest in most things, which is fine but I think its making me a less interesting and dynamic person.

Does anyone else get this? How do you refine things you like especially in conversation.

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I have a friend who I've been friends with for two years, we've been really close but over the course of this last year I've noticed in a complete change in her behavior. She's not putting too much work in, she's not putting as much effort in, communication is getting less and less frequent, and it's not the first time I've had this problem with her even this conversation

I want to have a conversation with her, I even started having with her but she just completely dipped and vanished out of the conversation, and it's that communication that is bothering the banana out of me, we started one yesterday that at first was going relatively fine, but then the second one of us had to leave to go do something when I tried to message her later she just completely ghosted me, not even a "sorry I'm a little busy let me message you tomorrow" just complete silence, and I think I may have triggered her avoidance issues a bit

How do I communicate with this person? It's obvious that like we don't want to say goodbye to the friendship, but I am tired of feeling like I'm the only one putting in the work and I'm even more tired than every time I come to her trying to communicate I get this disappearing act because she doesn't want to participate in the conversation, or doesn't know how to communicate because confrontation makes her uncomfortable

I have this friend who I like to communicate too but our conversation is so repetitive. It’s just that they don’t really have anything new going on with their life. Though I badly wanted to spend time with him outside but I live 1,000km away from him, so touching grass is not an option. He does have certain hobbies such as Reading Books, Playing Games, Sleeping, and Cardio.

Also he is jobless due to him being a fresh grad. He currently hunting though.

As someone who likes to improve my communication styles and be good at having conversation with someone. Do you guys have any tips on how to spark our conversation?

This has been bothering me for a second and I try to not let it bother me. I have only made one friend and that was on my third day of college, but since then, haven't met a single person. For the first month I was staying on campus and making it known that I am open to chat (I sit outside and play hacky sack with a friend) but now I am barely on campus because what's the point. I see all these people making friends and meeting girls and to be real, I haven't talked to one girl since I've been in college. I'm not social butterfly but if someone talks to me, I will talk back and even keep it going, but no one has even done that, and I see that happening to other people. It's made me really depressed and obviously that doesn't motivate me to go out and try. I don't have the time to do programs or clubs, and there is study groups but I study best by myself.

I know it's "normal" but it really doesn't feel like it, for the love of god is there anything I can do to stop feeling FOMO or caring about this, I just want to be happy with what I have and not keep wanting more.

I’ve been struggling with this lately and I don’t know if some people are actually just being rude or if they genuinely don’t hear what they’re saying to another person.

For example I showed my mom the outfit I wore to take myself out to the movies and she said “you wore that?”

I had a plaid dress, jean vest and boots on. Cute, a little dressy? Yes but I don’t get to dress up as I wear a uniform to work.

So, I asked her what she meant by that because she sounded surprised and gave the impression that what I wore wasn’t appropriate.

She quickly said “oh well I meant you look really cute and am surprised no one tried to pick you up.”

So I asked if she was implying I dressed that way on purpose for attention and not simply for myself - which she said no.

Then proceeded to talk about how this girl with a short skirt was at the store looked cute but the skirt was too short to wear to the store. It made me think she was just lying to me and judging me like she did that girl.

Am I being gaslit or do people genuinely not hear what they’re saying?

She does this often and uses the excuse of “I don’t mean it that way.”

Why not word it differently then?

I have a friend who does this as well. When speaking of an issue I’ve had she said “well you’re going to have to be okay with the outcome whatever it is”

Which I thought was inconsiderate considering the sensitivity of the issue. When I told her she said “That’s not what I mean, I was saying if it(the topic of discussion) doesn’t happen then that’s okay too.”

Why not just say what you mean then?
It makes me think they’re not being honest with their words.

I’m not saying I’m always perfect with how I say things but I try to be intentional when I speak to another person.

Am I just taking what people say too seriously or is this just socially normal?

It just felt tense a lot, a lot of overcrowding, and I just... didn't find anyone to really talk to for a long while, I just booted outta there

Is this my character overall?

I've been in France for the past 3 years and studying in uni. I'm still studying with other immigrants which makes it easier to make friends, not to mention the large community my country has here.

I haven't been able to make friends. I'm "friendly" with a LOT of people but haven't been able to get past that. I see a lot of people who just got here and aren't even in the same class start hanging out and be very close but I keep facing rejection and constant vague excuses when I try to be closer to someone. At this point I'm getting a little angry, it feels like I'm begging for friendships and it makes me feel small.

I've even asked a few trusted people (in private) if I'm doing something wrong or if I give off bad vibes, but none of them had anything negative to say and I was even met with compliments. They said my mistake is trying to make friends in my own country's community (which is filled with judgmental toxic people, but I can't make it happen even with the ones I like).

I connect a lot easier with foreign people but my stutter (neurological issue) is much more present in English and French so it makes communication harder and less spontaneous. Most of the time I don't even talk or try to approach anyone out of fear of judgment.

Any thoughts? I don't know what to do anymore. I know a LOT of people but have no friends.

14F | It's a little hard to explain, but since April my reallife speaking skills have been deteriorating. I take impossibly long to form a sentence in my head and 90% of the time I can't do it at all so I end up blabbering out a nonsensical sentence and hoping the other person understands, usually using keywords.

This applies to EVERYTHING. Even the most simplest sentences are impossible to say no matter vocally or in my mind. This never happened to me before.

I've been reading alot more aswell but it has no effect. It just worsens no matter what I do. I'm completely lost and I don't want to embarrass myself any further.

Edit: tysm for the advice and support!! ❤️

My social skills have been bad earlier too, but it just feels now that i cannot hold a comversation more than 10 seconds, even with the native speakers. Its just its physically tiring me up and i want to end the conversation as soon as possible. I just think to myself "oh god i need to think about the topic", "i need to think about what i say" and it makes me want to isolate myself completely. With germans its worse because if i dont prepare the answer in my head and dont think about it 5 mins before saying, i just shut down. I cannot think of the response for the next question and i always have this confused look which makes me feel embarassed. And it seems like on outside i speak okay without visible anxiety, but i always try to end the conversation as soon as possible. And maintaining the friendships is also very hard for me. I cant even maintain online friendships anymore. I havent spoken to my female friend for a long time nor to my male friends. Even to the person who i feel close with, im tired maintaining the relationship between us and i wanna end this already. Anyway it seems like i isolate myself and there is nothing i can do to stop it. Have anyone been in this isolation state? Can i stop this deterioration somehow?

I am going to college and I am playing a sport there as an 18F. I have been trying so hard to make friends at the preseason practices and suggest to do things but nobody ever wants to hangout with me. It also seems that everyone has their own groups that have formed. They seem to always post eachother or hangout, did I miss something? My coaches told me to be more social, but I thought I was already trying. It has gotten to the point where I look in the mirror and think am I just not appealing to talk to? do I look intimidating? I always try to smile when they compliment me on the field, I don't complain, I may not be the best player on the field, but I still have grit. Also I talk to these few girls frequently, but when I try to make plans or make fun videos like the other girls do they don't want to. Which I get it everyone is different, but like seriously is there something wrong with me? I am so good at social settings literally anywhere else but sports. Help me please

Went to a club 4 hours ago.

Me and a friend were chatting and he was approached 4 times by complete strangers, while I wasn't approached even once.

TBF, I was never approached in my entire life.

I just don't know. People do say I hottened up in comparison to how I used to look, but safe to assume that if my profile picture is how I am 99.9% of the time then I don't look very approachable.

I'm never really happy. All my jokes are cynical and I never had the energy to be positive.

Very depressed atm. It's like he didn't even have to try. The man claims he was anxious as well but people just approach him and he deals with it. I never get the opportunities to actually practice socialization the way he does. He claims he never had to approach anyone, and for context, no, he isn't some hot tall dude, he's definitely unhealthy but does look friendly at the very least.

I'm honestly considering just bringing a huge sign saying "Help, I'm Shy :(" to try to get some pity talks at least and grow from there.

I've recently moved to a new city for grad school, and I'm not having much luck making friends. My cohort is small and there's a large cultural/communication barrier for half of them. The other half that i sort of connect with are commuters and live outside the city.

I've gone out to bars a few times, but those friendships don't seem to stick. I recently messaged someone I met at a bar last week and asked to get a drink again, but was unfortunately ignored.

What can I do to actually connect with people and make friendships? I feel awkward asking the few people in my cohort to hang out who live in the city. They have friends and lives and stuff and I feel embarrassed asking them to hang out. I guess I'm also asking how to push past my anxiety of thinking I'm not good enough for friendship.

I want to know whats the proper way to change this behaviour if it needs to be changed,what i do is not only i try to match people's energy whether they're being friendly or funny,sometimes i might go and one up their behaviour & im not happy with it,not that i want to respond harshly or in a cold manner,but i just want to be my natural self and ease my way into social situations without feeling like im forcing it on myself or others

Does anyone else struggle with the same thing as me or has any similar experiences in the past?

What do i do & how do i change/control myself to be more comfortable and natural?

I feel like I’m such a boring person. I don’t drink with my friends or go out much. I mostly spend my time with my cousin, who also prefers staying at home, and I usually just only hang out with my cousins. Most of my time is spent studying or staying at home, and I’ve become so used to being by myself that I don’t even know how to socialize properly anymore.

I do have friends, but they’re pretty different from me. They’re fun, spontaneous, and don’t seem to worry too much about school, while I’m always busy with something. Sometimes I wish I could be like them, just enjoy life without constantly thinking about my responsibilities. I’m not even happy with how I spend my time. I keep myself busy with school and other things, but I feel like I’m missing out on life. Whenever my friends invite me to hang out, I usually turn them down because I feel like I won’t fit in or that I won’t enjoy myself as much as they do. Now I understand why they don’t invite me as often anymore. I can’t really blame them because I’m the one who kept saying no.

I guess I’ve spent so much time focusing on my studies and trying to be responsible that I’ve forgotten how to have fun and connect with other people. And now I feel like I’ve isolated myself to the point where I don’t even know how to get out of this cycle.

How do you learn to enjoy life and socialize more when you’ve gotten so used to being alone and focusing on school? I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m wasting my youth just because I’m too caught up in being productive all the time.

I’m just an off-putting person. I don’t do anything too inherently taboo - I’ve read books, done my research, observed how humans socialize - so I don’t (usually) do things that are explicitly disturbing.

But I always say the wrong thing. I just don’t know how people reply to other people - they have funny quips, normal responses, and friendly interactions.

I always think I’m doing a correct response, but I’m always received with side-eyes or being ignored. It’s clear I’m doing something wrong and off-putting. What I say just doesn’t flow with the conversation, it’s not normal, it’s not right. And it’s definitely not charming or funny.

This kind of interaction… I feel perpetually like an outsider, and like I’m burdening people with my presence. And maybe I am - I don’t think I really bring anything to the table, I’m just making it all a little bit less cohesive.

I’ve read book after book on small talk, I’ve watched sitcoms and observed how people talk. Yet none of it seems to actually allow me to have responses - it’s like everyone is accessing a skill I completely lack, a whole entire sense I cannot comprehend.

I think the “practiced” nature of my responses are part of why I come off poorly, since it seems so unnatural, but if I don’t practice, I range from awkward to just offensive!

I don’t know what to do. It makes me want to give up, to totally isolate myself - people literally like me more if they know me less, since I’m able to surface-level interact for short periods of time in a relatively normal fashion.

If I just never spent time with other people… they wouldn’t eventually get tired of me. But that’s so lonely… and I’m already so lonely.

How do I fix this when I feel like there’s a whole sense missing? And how do I live with myself, and the poor social interactions I have, while interacting and practicing and attempting to get better? How do I even get better?

I met a nice girl (early-mid 30s) recently thru a temporary contract job, that’s now finished but would like to try and be platonic friends with. (& i think I’ve mentioned I have a partner in general conversation)

I have tried this in the past at various times but not had much luck; like we talk for a bit after the irl interaction (on socials only since) & I think we get on pretty well, but eventually a pattern seems to take hold were the replies are less and less frequent, I suspect it stems from a perspective on their part where they see me as an acquaintance/colleague, and not a potential friendship. 

What could I say to them to change that potential mindset?

(without putting pressure on - but just like to be open to it, and see where it could go)

Throughout these past 5 years, I've went from a extremely outgoing person to someone who can't even speak without overthinking a single word that comes out of my mouth.

2 years ago I was 18. Around this time, I was extremely outgoing, socially confident, and was considered the one guy that made you laugh. I would do outgoing things like join TikTok lives and showcase my talents by singing or playing piano, I would approach people and ask questions that are considered awkward for current me, and I would pictures of myself online without overthinking how I looked. It wasn't so much the actions themselves, but rather the confidence with which they were carried out.

I didn't care what other people thought. Were you gonna laugh at me? I didn't care. Were you gonna spam hate comments? I didn't care. This all comes with other cons. Such as I have a triple filter now when I wanna say anything. Back in the time where I was socially confident, I would say anything that sounded funny or I thought was funny (to a certain extent of course), and it always landed well. Now I look back and think "Will they cringe?" "Will they look at me weird?" "Will the room go silent?". My mind is always coming up with worst case scenarios.

One very important thing to note is that I'm still capable of being this outgoing and confident around certain people and in certain situations. It's not that this side of me has completely disappeared. The problem is that I limit myself by not allowing that same confidence to carry over into every social situation. I know I'm capable of being that person, but I feel like I'm constantly holding myself back depending on who's around me or how comfortable I feel.

I've been trying to understand what happened to me. The weirdest part is that I know I'm capable of being that outgoing person because I've experienced it myself. I haven't always been this way, which makes it even more frustrating because I know what it's like to be comfortable in my own skin.nd how to get back to that mindset, but I feel like the more I analyze myself, the more stuck I become. I've looked into confidence, self-esteem, and social anxiety, but I can't seem to figure out how to actually apply any of it to my life.

Has anyone experienced a similar change in personality? How did you stop overthinking everything and become comfortable expressing yourself again?

I hope this fits this sub but I(25m) am going to my alma mater's football game tonight. The only thing I have with their branding on it is my old highschool letterman jacket. Would it be weird if I wore it? I don't want to give off peaked in highschool vibes.

Hi everyone,

So just like the title, i need advice on how to be more charismatic at work.

I'm an introverted and awkward person, when i speak sometimes i stutter when i'm nervous, and i'm quite anxious, i look younger than my age and somehow innocent looking and have childlike gesture (ppl said so, i'm not sure tho which gestures).

I do my job well tho, i have great result at work, but sometimes i feel like people don't respect me that much because i look young. And well yeah i know that at work someone who's extrovert or more charismatic probably have better chances of getting faster promotion. Well i also have ambition about my career so i want to learn how to be that kind of person.

Previously i'm an analyst for a supply chain company, and soon i will be working as a consultant for consulting company. Which i think will require more of those extroverted sides of me.

Does anyone have similar experience and maybe have advice? Thank you so much.

I’m currently in senior year and I can confidently say I have improved my social skills and have some great friends around me and don’t feel that alienated from my classmates but still, I really don’t feel confident expressing myself in social settings, I’m not witty enough to be a social butterfly and make everyone laugh (I’m pretty awkward when trying to joke) so whenever I see a lonely person I’m reminded that I used to be like that too but not anymore because I got lucky and have a bff who is socially smart and is not afraid of speaking up for herself.

I‘m a few months from graduating, being all alone in a new setting is making me anxious I’ll start off on the wrong foot due to my lack of social skills and awareness in social situations, what can I do about it?

See the problem is once I start talking to a person, after 2-3 weeks and they stop talking to me. I want to know why they do this bcuz I am smart and I talk nicely I trust people easily. Like everyone does this I feel bad and that I am not good enough they all say I'm annoying personally I think it's because they think I'm a nerd but I'm not! I am just very smart. Everybody seems not loyal and I just can't do this anymore. What type of a person should I talk with then? I feel isolated sometimes and I feel like that I am worse than everyone. I feel I'm better off alone. Do you have any tips for me?. I feel I can never fit in like how do I even fit in with them. I feel useless and unhappy and ungrateful for everything. So what do I actually do? I feel I overreact for small things. I over hear people talking about my back alot they say I comment on very small things My comments are bad I'm very annoying um dumb I hear all these things . I feel bad over how people treat me and it's starting to get to me. Pls help

Ok, I know the title is a little strange, but please listen to what I have to say first. I don't get it, but I have and always have talked as if I were giving automated responses and don't know how to stop. Whenever I try to hold a conversation with someone, they will ask me a question, and I'll end up taking a bit too long to answer and when I do I'll give little to no context at all, just a yes, no or maybe and then stare at them. To make matters worse, I have a strange voice because, as a guy, I'm far more soft spoken then other guys usually are, to the point where it always sounds like I'm apologizing for something. This is something that people have been telling me forever with the first time being in middle school by another classmate, then by two different doctors and again by one of the people on my college campus that I'm acquainted with. It especially hurt when one of my doctors said it because I've known them since I was a child, and they said, "Hmm, it appears you still act robotic, but everything else appears fine."

I just don't know how to stop doing it because I have deep social anxiety, and each time I have a conversation, my mind is racing to figure out the best thing to say and upon realizing that I'm taking too long to respond my more detailed response is turned into the simplest one ever which I can tell is off putting to some people. I partly blame it on me doing online school for the past 4 years so I wasn't having any true social interaction with anyone at all and also because of a traumatic event back in middle school that also caused me to remain very silent ever since. Is there any way I can learn to talk more normally? Or do I need to just try to think up a detailed response faster?