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I’m 41, my wife is 38 and we’ve been married for 11 years. Around 18 months ago - as she was weening from breast feeding our youngest boy (2 and 6), she noticed a painful lump in her breast.

It took 9 weeks to finally see the doctor, who sent her to another doctor, and that one to yet another. Ultimately, she has stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, which spread to her kidneys, liver and lymph nodes.

Most recently, she had an awful reaction to her second-line treatment and were on to third-line. According to her doctor and everything I can find, we have 12 months until palliative care and maybe a few months thereafter until passing.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to deal. I’m stoic most of the time with her and the boys, but when I’m alone I shatter and cry uncontrollably. Our marriage isn’t the best, but I cannot imagine this world without her. The thought of explaining her passing to the boys makes me wretch.

I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I have a friend who’s 400+ lbs, and I struggle with setting boundaries because I know what it feels like to be overweight. I was 260 lbs myself, so I never want her to feel judged.

However, she’s broken furniture at my house, doesn’t fit comfortably in my car, and on flights, she makes me uncomfortable by spilling into my seat but refuses to consider booking two seats. On vacations, she prefers Ubers while I enjoy walking, and she gets upset when I do things on my own.

What bothers me most is the lack of self-awareness. She doesn’t apologize when things break or acknowledge how these situations affect me. I feel guilty bringing it up because I understand her struggles, but I can’t keep sacrificing my own comfort.

I encourage her on her weight-loss journey because she says she wants to lose weight, but I know I can’t want it more than she does.

How do I address these issues without body-shaming her? do I need to stop feeling guilty and set boundaries?

Long story short, my husband cheated on me while we were engaged in 2000. He let a girl, that he didn’t know, give him a blow job. We were engaged at the time so it’s some really f-ed up stuff.

Fast forward to 2001, our first year of marriage. He confesses the whole thing. I was devastated. I didn’t see it coming. I felt foolish and sick to my stomach. I was pregnant with our first child and had a rough relationship with my mom so I decided to stay. We got some counseling and we worked through it. Since I never caught him, and never thought he would even do something like that, it made it easier for me to forgive him I guess. We also got married extremely young. (Not trying to make excuses for him, just stating the facts)

Around 2008 our marriage became better than I ever thought possible. He has been loving and caring and just a great man. I completely forgave him at this point.

I can’t imagine life without him. He truly is the love of my life and I believe that I am the love of his. He hasn’t shown any signs of cheating.

Here’s my issue. I am starting to feel some type of way about the cheating again. I don’t think he is cheating now. He is actually very attentive and caring and loving and really doesn’t have time or space to cheat…that I am aware of. There’s just no unaccounted for time. He doesn’t even make me ask, he always tells me where he is. But I feel like it just happened all over again and I’m mad at him. Now that we are older and more mature, I realize that if he had done that today, I would leave him.

Some days I want to leave him. I mentioned it to him about how it bothers me. He was apologetic and felt terrible all over again but then said how his younger self was so stupid and childish and selfish and had no business getting married and he’s so bad that he hurt me.

But I’m hurting now and I can’t really look at him the same. Is this normal? Is something wrong with me? He’s a great man and has done nothing in over 25 years to break my trust but I just can’t shake the feeling.

I don’t know what to do about it…

TL;DR - husband cheated while engaged. He confessed after we got married, during the first year. I am starting to feel resentment all over again, over 25 years later, even though I forgave him and we worked through it.

My wife or should I say soon to be ex wife cheated on me with her boss and I’m trying to decide if I want to out her to family and friends since she try’s to act like such a good person

I’m a woman from the Middle East, specifically Saudi Arabia, and I’m writing this post while shaking and crying because I genuinely don’t think I can keep living like this for much longer. Please, if there’s anything I can do to build a life in a country that respects human rights and gives me the freedom to live as a human being, I’m willing to try.

A little background about me: I’m 24 years old, Saudi, and I’ve left Islam. I’m forced to wear a niqab, and I genuinely cannot go anywhere in public without covering my face, even if I’m already wearing a hijab and a loose black abaya. The thought of spending the rest of my life like this is suffocating me. Not being able to walk or run freely, or wear whatever I want outside without having to cover my entire body in an abaya, is destroying me mentally.

I recently started thinking seriously about my future, and I literally began shaking with anger and grief. I realized that I’m being forced to live in a way that feels like I’m being oppressed and buried alive under layers of black fabric, all because of social expectations and a religion I no longer believe in and consider untrue.

I’ve also been thinking about the kind of family I want to have one day. The reality of marriage here terrifies me. The system feels deeply unfair to women. A wife can face enormous obstacles when trying to divorce, and she doesn’t automatically have the same rights to her husband’s property. Marriage is often arranged around family expectations, with the husband’s primary expected role being to financially provide, rather than building an equal partnership with someone who genuinely loves you, respects you as a person, and chooses you because of who you are. I want to marry someone I love, someone who loves and respects me in return, not someone chosen for me by my family.

I feel genuinely hopeless sometimes, and I’m willing to do almost anything to get out of here and finally live my life. The problem is that immigration requirements can be incredibly difficult to meet, whether it’s the financial requirements, the need for work experience, the availability of jobs, or all the other conditions.

I feel like I shot myself in the foot when I chose to major in English. I was an excellent student in high school and could have pursued almost any major I wanted. But I was pressured into choosing a university close to home because my family threatened that if I enrolled at a university farther away, they wouldn’t take me there or financially support me, leaving me without the opportunity to attend university at all. Despite everything, I worked incredibly hard and graduated with a perfect 4.0/4.0 GPA. I did my absolute best with the circumstances I was given, but now I’m scared that my degree won’t be enough to help me leave.

My dream is honestly so simple. I want to be able to walk outside every day without feeling like I have to wrap myself in black fabric. I want to have hobbies like hiking, running, and walking in nature. I want to experience the freedom of being outdoors without constantly worrying about what I’m allowed to wear or how people will judge me.

I want to have a family someday, too. I’d love to meet a man who isn’t Muslim, who wants a family like I do, who respects women as equal human beings, values his wife as a partner, respects mothers, and actively participates in raising his children instead of leaving all the parenting to the mother. I want a relationship built on love, mutual respect, and equality.

The thought that I might live and die here without ever experiencing any of these things is absolutely killing me. I’ve spent so many days crying over this. I keep imagining a future where I never get to experience the most ordinary things that so many people around the world take for granted, simply because of where I was born.

I’m posting this because I’m desperate, and I genuinely don’t know where else to turn. If you’re from a country that allows people like me to immigrate, and you know of a realistic pathway with requirements that aren’t impossible for someone in my situation to meet, please tell me about it.

If you have any suggestions, advice, personal experiences, or ideas about where I could start, I would be incredibly grateful. I’m open to exploring any realistic option that could eventually allow me to live independently and permanently settle somewhere I can be free.

I’m exhausted from hoping things will get better here when I don’t see that happening. This post is my desperate attempt to reach out to anyone, anywhere, who might be able to help me find a way out.

You genuinely cannot imagine how grateful I would be for any help, advice, or even a little direction. If you’ve read this far, thank you. It means more to me than you know.

I’m F17. My little sister F5 has told her school that our mom hits her. My mom does not hit us at all. She hasn’t laid a finger on us and she certainly doesn’t use anything to hit us. However, my little sister went to school and told them my mom hit her with a wooden object. My mom has genuinely never done that. They came to check, and she went to the bathroom and took out a piece of wooden equipment and said my mom uses this. They now said they’re gonna escalate the situation.

My sister has a history of showing traits that are different. These include running onto streets, cussing people out, hitting us and having severe tantrums. She is currently being evaluated for any possible reasons for this behaviour. But, we never expected that she would do something like this. We don’t want to say anything to her out of fear they’ll say we’re trying to influence what she is saying. My little brother who’s 6 obviously didn’t report any abuse and didn’t say anything about that. But he’s quite shy so he didn’t step in to say what she was saying wasn’t true (which I’m not blaming him for ofc). I’m so scared for the future. My sister doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation and my mom is worried out of her mind.

I understand this is protocol and it’s in place to protect children. But my sister is genuinely making it up and I don’t know what to do.

I (23F) went on the best date I've ever been on yesterday. The guy (34M) was absolutely lovely, he was kind, polite, and considerate. I usually split money on every date I go on, but he insisted on paying for everything. We talked about politics and we agreed on it all. He was brilliant and I was so excited to go on another date.

This morning I decided to look him up online because I had asked him about his work and I didn't fully understand, so I thought I'd have a look at his LinkedIn and figure out what it actually is. Then, unfortunately, I found no LinkedIn, but I did find a Facebook post from another man with a photo of my date saying congratulations on his marriage from 2023.

Sure, it's possible he got divorced since, but in his culture divorce is not very common, in fact it is very rare. Plus, 3 years is such a short time, it seems so unlikely that he got married and divorced so fast.

I don't know what to do. I cannot and will not date a married man, but I don't know how to bring it up to him. If he IS divorced, it is very awkward to admit I stalked him. If he isn’t, he may just lie. Any help is so appreciated!

Edits: Spelling

I rent one of 3 rowhouses that my landlord recently put up for sale. her and the realtor decided without me knowing to put me and my neighbours spare keys in a lockbox at the entrance of our homes to make future viewings easier.

today I was working from home when I heard someone trying to open my door. when I went to check he had completely opened my door walked in and was in the entrance when I confronted him he took off and ran, he looked rough.

i convinced myself I must’ve left my door unlocked. but when I looked back at the ring camera footage he had a key and unlocked it. I called my landlord and she asked me to look and see if the lockbox was tampered with. this was the first time I heard of it. I went to check and it was completely gone. meaning this person had the keys to mine and both my neighbours homes.

after speaking with the neighbourhood he’s been identified as a known drug addict that has been breaking into peoples cars, backyards and now this.

my landlord had the locks changed after going back and forth but I still feel a unsafe. he seen what the inside looks like if there was anything he was interested in my front door has a window he can easily break if he wanted to come back. or he can come back be mad the locks were changed and break the window for entry. im a girl living alone in my 20s he’s a man in his 40s.

im also afraid If he gets in trouble with the authorities since I reported him he will get angry and seek revenge basically giving him another reason to come back. I have no idea what to do at this point im afraid to go to sleep and im so angry to be put in this situation.

Sorry about the title. I (18) live with my parents. But due to some situations my cousin (22) also live with us. We share a room with a bunk bed.

Lately for few weeks he been stroking it. Ik its pretty normal for young boy to do. And I do it as well once in a while. But the thing is he does it every day. Even when I am in the room trynna get some sleep. The bed gets very shaky. And I feel so annoyed, uncomfortable, and disgusted.

I been tryna give signal that I am awake but even when its pretty obvious, this guy won't stop and its pretty annoying. I even shaked the bed when he is in the bed to show it shakes. Like go do it when showering or something. At this point imma start doing it, when he doing it to make him feel uncomfortable as well.

Anyways, I do not want to talk to my parents nor my cousin about this. Any solution?

Edit: Btw we both male

He gave me an STI that lasts 2+ years and has no treatment, a cancerous strain of said infection. My friends are saying im a bad person for not telling her but i think its none of my business. What do i do?

Edit: putting it in my perspective yes i wish someone told me, im going to find a way to tell her without involving myself in their lives

I (27m) am considering taking my children and running away from my gf {26f). We have been together for 7 years but the past 3 have been rough. We both work decent jobs and make decent money, we have a nice house and three beautiful children.

My gf has sever ptsd from a situation with her ex, it was a DV that led to him no longer being with us. She struggles with this along but refused to go speak to anyone or get help. When she has an episode there is no control or communicating with her. She acts on pure emotion and says and does a lot of hurtful things. For the last three years she has become increasingly abusive, started with a slap, and we are at full blown beating me, trying to pull my hair out, and saying anything to get a reaction out of me. I will admit, I can be a grump sometimes and can hace a tone of voice, or say “wtf” but I have never layed a hand back on her or verbally attacked her, honestly more so from fear of her reaction.

This last fight was the worse we had. She brought the kids into it, kept yelling and hitting, she forced me to leave house , once I did the cops were called by neighbors. She even started saying stuff about hurting kids to bother me, she has never done it, but has used it against me recently and I don’t want to loss my children. She even woke them up at 2am yelling at me, and did not care if they slept, got mad and took off with or youngest baby. Should I take these threats seriously? Or Her and her family have money and she has threated me to take kids and never let me see them again, I come from a poor family and wouldn’t have the legal team.

Is it crazy to be thinking about packing my kids a bag, and running away to a DV shelter? I want to help workout it out for the kids but how can I ? She won’t change anything.. I would go to family member but my gf did not like most of my friends or family and wouldn’t let me talk to them or else. So a lot of people I would go to help for I no longer have a relationship with.

I’m tired of being hit, and yelled at, the constant anxiety from the anticipation of when her next episode will start. I’m not searching for legal advice but anyone with similar experience that think they could help?

Update : I have reached out to a DV shelter and they are gonna help me make a plan and get me some legal advice. I have to stay with her for awhile longer. Thank you all for the advice and kind words. Felt much less alone after.

Weight bearing in a relationship. Literally.

I am 20F and I have struggled with body image since I was a kid. I’ve always been big, tall, broad, husky you name it. I stand 5 ft 11 in and weigh roughly 220lbs.(99.79 kilograms for our friends across the pond)

I am dating my lovely boyfriend, 20M, and he stands to 6 ft 2 in, and weighs around 130lbs.(he’s a twig)

Since we’re so close in height, I struggle to feel small, and feminine at times. Me weighing more than him gets to me when he tries to make me feel small, like picking me up. I have yet to experience the Disney princess twirl because I’m afraid he won’t be able to pick me up, or in doing so he’ll get hurt.

We both go to the gym, we both eat normally, I’m convinced it’s down to biology at this point and I’m forever cursed in being built to carry a child.

All I’m really asking for, from you lovely strangers in the internet, is some advice to kick more fear, or brutal honesty telling me I should give up on the dream of being a princess.

My “boyfriend” and I technically broke up in July. Long story short… We were together a little over two years, and during that time we went through a lot together. We lived together, we lost two pregnancies together, I had two surgeries, I lost two dogs, we spent a lot of time with each other‘s families, and my mother got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The reason we broke up is because out of nowhere he decided he wasn’t ready for marriage or a family. I am 37 years old, and these are things we talked extensively about wanting very soon. His parents even gave him their rings and I was expecting an engagement this past summer.

Since we separated, we have continued to hang out regularly and it’s as if we are still together. When we split, I moved back into my house. When we lived at his house, we would wear shoes inside on occasion. At my house, I prefer shoes off, especially on rugs. Pretty much every single time he comes over I have to remind him to takeoff his shoes. He often refuses and says it’s too much of a hassle because he’s just going to have to put them back on when we leave to go out to eat. So, I’ve been flexible despite wanting to be shoes off house, and let him wear his shoes on the wood floor. Tonight we got back to my house from a date night. He proceeded to go sit on the couch, on the rug, with his shoes on. I asked him not to do this, he refused, so I asked him to leave. He pushed back, but ultimately left. I told him that it was disrespectful and he said he just wasn’t going to take his shoes off, so I told him “well that settles it, nice knowing you.”.

I guess my question is should I hold my ground? I know it’s just shoes in the house, but I feel disrespected time and time again.

My fiance (M30) never liked musicals of any kind unlike me (F23) I love musical theatre, there’s this upcoming event of a musical I really want to go to but I didn’t say anything because i wasn’t sure I was gonna be able to secure tickets, when the tickets came out, I bought 2 without asking my fiance if he wanted to go, I know I did bad with assuming, but if he wasn’t coming, I was going to take my mom instead. But I told him first about it cause I wanted him to come with me.
when I told him, he obviously didn’t sound excited which is the reaction I expected, but then he started acting like I was forcing him to go, only because I bought the tickets before saying anything first, then he started making passive aggressive comments like “I’m gonna get super drunk that day” “Don’t be mad at me if I fall asleep during it” which I didn’t like and I told him I didn’t understand why he was saying that kind of things, when he only had to be honest if he didn’t want to go and that he didn’t have to go, but then he repeated a few times that he never said he wasn’t coming to the event, so he’ll go with me. Idk, can someone tell what to do or if I’m in the bad because I didn’t ask him before buying the tickets???

Edit from the future: Thank you so much everyone for the advices, I really appreciate each one of them, this really help me me see this whole situation so much clear, I will be definitely be taking my mom and I’ll try to have the best time with her. But I do not deserve this kind of behavior and I shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to share something I enjoy with him, he doesn’t deserve the ticket and I’m really gonna give more thinking about the engagement because this small thing can follow us for the rest of time together. And I really don’t want this for my future.

My wife is a insanely hard worker. She works at a lab as a histotechnologist. She's been having lots of issues with coworkers and their lack of professionalism. She been very upset lately. She makes about 15 more an hour than I with really good benefits too. Almost 8 weeks of paid time off a year. She asked for a demotion a few weeks ago from burnout and was granted it today. She took this as a huge sign of disrespect even though she asked for it. She's been really having issues with one person and has contacted HR with little to no help. She called me today telling me she's going to go collect her stuff and just never return. I was trying to explain to her that she was being too reactive and should take some time on it, or atleast put in a 2 week notice. She hung up on me. I don't know what to do.

My ex (21 M) cheated on me (19F) repeatedly , and loved humiliating me in public .. even ruined my birthday had me crying the whole day there’s more but I don’t feel like reliving that right now.

The way his life started falling apart after the day where he disrespected me the most is almost like, scary.

First, his family turned their backs on him. Then he became homeless. Spends all his money on a car he can’t even move All within a month. I was there when his dad put all his belongings in the front yard for him to get bc he refused to get them out his self. (All Happened around march) He lives in his car still to this day and he caught felon charges for hurting me stealing me a day before my due date and the police made him loose his job … right now today he has nothing and he is so stuck in his mind I really feel bad for him I tried helping but all he does is treat me worse. So I’m leaving him alone.
All jobs deny him bc of his charges and he had an interview the other day and when he went to it somebody stole his bike.

Has something like this ever happen to anyone else ? Should I feel bad ? He always says everything’s my fault .. but how ?

I (M22) have have known Jess (F23) since kindergarten we have been through a lot over the years especially after her parents kicked her out at 18 when she came out and a few years later she had me in her wedding party, she and Amy (F25) have a good combined income and have decided to have a child, which is where we are now, last Friday they invited me over for dinner at their place and near the end they got a serious look on their faces and started how important I was to them and how when they started talking I was the first person they thought of to be their donor, I told them I was absolutely honored but asked if I could have some time to think it over which they agreed to, I absolutely want to say yes but I have one thing going through my head that makes me feel like a selfish asshole, I want to be in the kids life not just like a cool uncle but as a sort of father figure, I feel like I have no right to ask this of them but I would feel weird saying I’m the Childs uncle despite knowing otherwise, I’m not asking to be a part of their relationship or anything like that, but this is eating me up inside, I’m in no way questioning their ability to be parents, I know how not having a father around affects kids as mine was always too busy with work growing up, and I’m not saying that I believe for sure that it would be a factor in their kids life, I guess what I’m asking is how can I bring this up without making myself sound like a jerk or that I’m questioning their ability to be parents

I’m 14F and both my older brothers are off to college in a foreign country. My mom went with them because they’re minors and can’t do banking stuff on their own. My mom has done everything since I was a kid so I have no clue how to live on my own. Quite frankly, it’s exhausting. My father is home, he is working so I don’t see him often and he is basically as useless as I am.

I do not know how to do laundry. I’m going purely off of guesses from shows (separating whites and colored) and what I’ve seen my mom doing and I’ve been using one detergent because it’s the only one with picture instructions. Im not exactly sure if I’m doing it right. Just pressing the first button I see that makes sense (mix then auto dry when it’s done).

There’s food my mom left behind but I haven’t been eating well because I don’t know how to cook and I’m scared it’ll run out. I’ve basically been surviving on eating a proper meal every 3-4 days. The rest of the time I’m lowkey just eating bs. I’ve dropped a few kgs in the past week and I’m very burnt out. I have no clue what the hell my dad is doing for there to be so many dishes everytime I wake up. But I gotta clean all of them bc I don’t want roaches in the kitchen. I clean everything every morning. I wake up at 10ish and I’ll be done getting the house in order by 1-2pm (it’s not much I’m just slow asf)

My stomach is consistently hurting and my heart rate is super high. I wake up with my heart rate sky rocketing. My body acts like I got trauma everytime a door opens. And, do I gotta start waking up earlier or some shit because why does my washing machine take a million years to dry clothes? Is that normal? I can only wash one thing per day and I don’t trust myself to wash twice because whenever clothes stay in the laundry machine too long after washing without me drying it they start smelling funky idk man. I’m constantly going out to take my mind off work and I’m mainly eating deep fried plantains (all I know how to make :<)

Oh yeah and the moment my mom and brother left I renovated my brothers room to put a bed in front of the tv and basically set up my brother’s tv like a monitor to my computer and now my back is in constant discomfort and I gotta wait til my mom gets back to see a doctor cus dad’s useless and I’m pretty sure they won’t let me in the hospital by my self when I have no clue how to book an appointment and the road is too busy there to go by electric scooter.

Does anyone have any tips/adivce on how to figure everything out or make my life easier. I can’t find any good tutorials for things and I do call my mom sometimes for help but shes very busy doing errands with my brothers so I get no time with her. I need a less time consuming way to do school work, group projects, and live along side the maintenance of taking care of a house.

My (15 F) sister keeps going out late at night with these random fucking guys. The previous one is a 20 year old which is so fucking weird because why would you be hanging out with a 15 year old. Everytime I try to say something or intervene it’s always “mom and dad are ok with it so why do you care” BC WHO WOULDN’T???? I don’t know how to get it to her head that it’s so weird. She is in such a vulnerable mental state besides being a young minded girl.

I’m at a loss of how I can help her when everyone who is able to do something seems to fail her. I just had an argument with her bc I asked hold old the guy was that was picking her up and she said 20 and I stared them down as they left. She then texted me saying to get off of her ass. It’s like she knows why I’m asking questions and saying stuff but doesn’t want to acknowledge it bc “they haven’t been weird to me”. THAT’S HOW THEY FUCKING GET YOU. It feels like i’m in a godamn simulation bc why isn’t anyone saying anything.

a fucking kid shouldn’t be doing this. She recently got raped at a party which hey shouldn’t that have told them not to let her go out late at night? especially with older people bc the guy was fucking 18??? I’m not blaming her at all. I’m blaming the adults around her that let her do whatever the fuck she wants without asking the serious question that is her safety worth the headache of her complaining your head off. bc hey I think it is.

I think it’s worth so much if you protect your young daughter from letting her be around older men especially when she is a more developed kid bc every man will always think the same. every man has something, even if they are playing the long game to let your guard down. I seriously don’t know what to do. I’m sorry for how messy this is and half of it is a rant/vent but I am genuinely asking for a fresh set of eyes.

P.S. I am a little tipsy bc I was drinking while she went out but I stopped responding to her after a bit bc I don’t want to say something I shouldn’t and I know she says every little thing out loud to whatever gremlin is in her vicinity and that they will enable the fuck out of her.

Hello, I’m (21M) and she is (21F)
(I’m a virgin as the title says)

I’ve been dating this amazing women for about a month now (my first ever relationship) we haven’t done anything sexual (that was on me cause I was nervous and new to this so i asked her if she was willing to wait and she says yes i also told her that you wouldn’t wait long, i just had to get into things)

Anyways I gave her the Ok, so this weekend I’m going to be hanging out at her place.

My problem right now is:

1. I’ve asked people if it’s normal to be really nervous during your first time, a lot of them said yes so I’m expecting my dick too not work 😭

2. I’m insecure about my size but I think that’s a normal thing especially if you’ve never had sex before, my insecurity mostly stems from the BBC stereotypes and a little from small dick shaming (even though I’m above average in length and above average in girth)

3. I Have ZERO skills (surprising I know, a Virgin with zero sexual skills, who would’ve thought.)

So I need advice, If my dick doesn’t get the job done. What are other ways to make her feel amazing in bed? I’d like to surprise her even if the surprise is shit cause every women is different, it’s better going in there with something then going in there with just my dick and no knowledge

I’m willing to try anything, any position, say anything.

I plan on asking what she likes and what makes her feel good but I’d still like to surprise her

Extra details:

She has a nice big butt, Small chest, and she’s really Flexible (😬) she is also pretty lean and fit and a little bit taller then me

I’m lean, fit, average height, not flexible

I apologise for the lengthy post, but I believe the context is needed.

My boyfriend and I had been together for just over a year. In August, he lost his job and said he was going to use the time to work on himself and quit weed. Instead, he continued smoking and using other prescription drugs, including painkillers. He became increasingly distant, distracted and glued to his phone, and our sex life suffered because he was often too intoxicated and would pass out.

In mid to late September, I discovered he was following OnlyFans women on social media and liking their sexual photos. I knew if the roles were reversed, he would be livid and hurt. We argued, and he apologised, explaining that he was sexually frustrated because we weren’t having sex as often, despite our sex life suffering largely because of his intoxication. He promised it would never happen again and unfollowed most of the women. However, my trust was broken, and I felt insecure and not good enough for him. I made it clear that if it happened again, our relationship would be over.

He eventually got a temporary job, and things genuinely started improving. He became more reassuring, our intimacy improved, and we were happy together. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was still wrong.

Last Thursday, October 8, I brought up my concerns while we were both at work. I admit I could have chosen a better time, but I was overwhelmed and spiralling. I told him I was worried he had an OnlyFans account and was talking to other women. He denied everything and reassured me that it would never happen again, again attributing his previous behaviour to sexual frustration. I started questioning myself, wondering whether my insecurities were getting the better of me. We resolved things, and our relationship became great again. Our sex life was amazing, he was reassuring me, and I even started sending him private lingerie photos to make him happy and feel desired. Still, that nagging feeling never went away.

Last night, October 16, while he was out with friends, I went through his laptop. I normally consider this an invasion of privacy, but I couldn’t ignore my gut feeling any longer.

I discovered he had an OnlyFans account and had been paying women, including while unemployed and I was financially supporting him. He had accumulated significant debt through small loan companies, which I suspected was connected to this. He had also created a new OnlyFans account that week. On Reddit, I found sexual comments he’d left on one woman’s posts, and asking whether she missed him and if she’d marry him, as well as evidence that he’d tried to message her privately.

I felt physically sick. Part of me felt validated that I hadn’t been imagining things, but mostly I felt devastated and betrayed. He had done exactly what he promised he wouldn’t do, knowing how deeply it hurt me the first time and that it would cost him our relationship. He reassured me, watched me struggle with my insecurities, and still chose to do it again.

I asked him to come home and broke up with him, leaving the evidence open on his laptop. I also made him delete my private photos from his phone while I watched.

I told him I don’t think he’s a bad or evil person. I genuinely believe he’s lost and struggling, and I see so much good in him. He’s made me feel incredibly loved and appreciated, and I know he’s capable of being a wonderful partner. But I also know that his struggles don’t undo the hurt his choices have caused. Before I left, I told him I hoped it was worth it.

I’ve barely stopped crying since. I messaged him that night, and he responded this morning, acknowledging the hurt he’d caused and regretting his actions. He said it wasn’t worth it, that he felt the loss of our relationship, and that he understood why I couldn’t trust him anymore.

The hardest part is that I still love and miss him terribly. I keep wondering whether he could change and become the person I know he has the potential to be. I desperately want to be with him and make things work, but I don’t know if I could ever trust him again. He knew what was at stake and chose to do it anyway. I don’t know how to reconcile the man who made me feel so loved with the man whose actions have hurt me so deeply.

I know love isn’t always enough, and wanting someone to change doesn’t mean they will. Part of me still hopes things could be different, while another part knows I may never feel emotionally safe with him again. I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to lose myself trying to make a relationship work when the trust has been broken so badly.

I dream about him almost every time I fall asleep, and waking up and remembering he’s no longer here makes everything hurt all over again. I’m heartbroken, betrayed and torn between what my heart wants and what I know I may need to do for myself.

How do you move forward when you still love someone so much, see the good in them and genuinely believe they could change, but their actions have damaged your trust to the point where you don’t know if you could ever come back from it? How do you let go of someone you desperately want to be with when you know that loving them doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is right for you?

I just feel so lost and alone right now.

TL;DR: My boyfriend lost his job, started using drugs more heavily, became distant, and our sex life suffered. I discovered he was following OnlyFans women and liking their sexual photos. He blamed it on being sexually frustrated, apologised, and promised it would never happen again. I made it clear that if it happened again, our relationship would be over. Things improved for a bit and I believed we were in a good place. I then discovered he’d been paying OnlyFans women, created a new account, and was leaving sexual comments and attempting to contact one woman on Reddit. This was after repeatedly reassuring me and knowing how much it hurt me the first time. I ended the relationship, but I’m heartbroken because I still love him, see the good in him, and believe he could change. I just don’t know if I could ever trust him again or feel emotionally safe with him. How do you let go of someone you desperately want to be with when love isn’t necessarily enough to make a relationship work?

Hi!!

I (f19) work as a behavioural interventionist in my home town.

I currently have two families on my case load and I mostly work with young kiddos on the autism spectrum. I love my job more then anything and put my all into supporting these kiddos the best I can!! But sometimes the parents make that hard… I’ve been working for this specific family consisting of a single dad (m40-50) and his son who is a young child and has high support needs. At the beginning everything was going well, I enjoyed working with them, the dad was nice and the kiddo was an absolute blast. We would spend every session laughing playing and chatting. Then the dad would start to text me about an hour or two before my shift ended asking me to extend my shift by a couple hours. At first I didn’t mind too much, we always had access to the house so we would just chill at home while I did some dishes/laundry/household chores. Then it became MUCH more regular. Every shift he would ask me to stay later then my scheduled time. And then say things like “it’s fine if you can’t I guess, I just have nobody else helping me. You’re the only one on the team.” Etc etc I think in an effort to make me feed bad and stay longer? I let it slide and kept working for him while attempting to set firm boundaries regarding my work hours. Then he started to text me on my days off asking me to come in for a few hours and then he would follow it up with some more guilt about how tired he is and he just needs a break etc. Even asked me to work on thanksgiving day when I already let him know I had family plans. Then it got much much worse. 3 days ago I was at my other job when I received an unprompted text message from the dad.

“Do you have nice rack?”

I froze in place. Wtf?!? I was so confused and equally uncomfortable!! I decided to ignore it for now and go back to the shift I was currently at. He then continued to spam text me over the span of the next two days. “Are you mad at me?” “It was my buddy who said that not me” “he took my phone” “please respond I’m getting scared” message after message after message. When he couldn’t get a response he decided to start messaging me on Facebook too every time he saw I was active. Eventually I drew the line and texted him back I basically just said that I was extremely uncomfortable and didn’t feel like it would be 100% safe for me to go into this man’s home alone after receiving this text. He then immediately responded by telling me “you are always safe with me” and then firing me because I’m “inconsistant” and “treat him like a doormat”
He was referring to the single shift I have missed in the 4+
Months I’ve been working with him.
he was mad that I was cancelling my shift the day of and claims that I just “decide when I want to work”

I feel like I handled this situation as well as I could have?? But also I’m not sure cause wtf even is this situation!! I’m 19 and he’s 45+ and it just feels wrong. Especially in the workplace.

I blocked him but idk what to do now! I was not working through any kind of organization everything was privately organized so who do I report this to?! I wanna protect girls who go to work for this man in the future. I might have a contact to reach out to but wanted to ask here for advice first.

I am struggling so badly with retroactive jealousy regarding my boyfriend's past single life and I genuinely don't know how to break out of this nightmare. Years ago after a traumatic breakup, my boyfriend built this fake online "playboy" persona where he bought followers, followed and commented on IG models, and liked thirst traps and other photos of women, and stuff from like Playboy. He says it was a defensive shield because his ego was shattered, and that the likes were completely mindless visual noise with zero emotional or sexual intention to pursue anyone. He wanted to maintain that kind of playboy image online to keep a wall up and not get hurt even when he tries to put his heart out.

Recently I found out he also liked some suggestive posts of women on IG years ago while in a situationship with someone he claimed to love before me. As far as I know he believed they were exclusive but didn’t have a label. Learning that completely sent me over the edge because my brain immediately told me that if he could do that while loving someone, he can’t commit or that I'm not enough. It triggered my past relationship trauma so severely with men who cheated on me and compared me to women on IG that I have been endlessly interrogating him, auditing his entire past, and spiraling for hours. Our fights have gotten extremely volatile and painful, and my anxiety has made me lash out in ways I am deeply ashamed of.

He has been completely patient, put down his pride, taken accountability, and even offered to deactivate his social media entirely because he says my peace of mind matters more than anything. Deep down I can see how devoted he is to me in the real world, but my brain keeps treating his past like a threat. I keep comparing my own digital habits like saving thousands of photos of male idols and some dudes to his past, but I still can't stop the compulsion to pick at his history. How do I stop auditing his past before I completely destroy a partner who actually loves me? I understand that I’m insecure and illogical but I cannot break out of this and need help.