What is making my depression so much worse is how much I see the world sucking right now.

Everyone is negative about everything, everyone is fighting, nobody is taking accountability, nobody sees their own flaws in how they act and how much hate they spread, everyone is divided, nobody can have smart conversations, everyone is led by their feelings..

Things are changing too much, too. I don't do well with change at all, even if it might not even matter in the grand scheme of things.

The rise of AI, the future of critical thinking, human authenticity, and the future of human social connection look bleak as well.

Honestly, I could regurgitate everything I find worrying about the world and the future of humanity for hours.

It is making it 1000 times worse to rid myself of depression and I know I am not the only one thinking this.

I am so severely disabled I can't leave my house, everything feels lonely and hopeless. I don't know why I am still alive when everything is so bad and constantly getting worse.

It's impossible for a worthless person like me to make friends. I provide zero value to anyone. And I will never be able to change this.

The pain is so bad it seems like I could die soon.

Who else feels like there's something up with yourself? As if you are cursed or something ? If so, how do you deal with it?

I'm so done. I can't keep living this life that I've managed to fuck up so badly in 35 years. I'm a piece of shit and I can't live with myself anymore

There’s no guarantee that life will ever get better. The demographic which you hear that phrase from is very positively skewed . You hear from the ones who haven’t taken their own lives. The ones that are still able to function in a work setting. The ones who have the confidence to speak openly about their struggles to others. So many successful people who have struggled are sitting on the tip of an iceberg of complete failure and suffering, consisting of people in their exact situation who were not as fortunate. It’s really daunting how arbitrary fate is.

However, the opinions on this subreddit are also very negatively skewed. Just because someone’s life hasn’t gotten better doesn’t mean yours won’t. Many of the people here are venting and commenting at some of the worst points in their lives, where they haven’t gotten used to the pain they are feeling from the blow life recently dealt them. Life itself won’t get better, but if it doesn’t get any worse, you will start to feel better. Because you’ll get used to living how you live day by day. You’ll feel numb from it eventually if you have enough patience.

This isn’t a hope post or a depressing post, it’s just my thoughts on how I see life at the moment. I don’t think it’s worth living for a lot of people, but idk it may be worth giving tomorrow a chance.

Keeping it simple. 43 dad here with 11 and 9 1/2 daughters. Depression my whole life. Suicide closer than ever. Especially with splitting up with their mom. Let's leave her and that out of this.

I know everyone says leave the kids out of it. It's not up to me to make the decision to end it for them.

My question is which is worse.

Committed suicide myself and my kids have to live with that forever. The holidays, birthdays, seeing everyone with their dad's,going to school. Everything basically.

Suicide myself and taking them with me so they don't have to suffer with all that.

Yes I know think of all the family and people affected if they are gone. I understand that. This is just about is it worse they are still here or just take them with me.

It’s no surprise I’ve reached this dead end really. There was something not right about me from the get go. Too highly strung and flimsy. Needing to work so hard just to survive, make friends etc. I needed everything to go right and I made bad decisions putting myself under pressure. And then I cracked. Never to be the same.

I’m 34 and I’ve seen what life has to offer and it sucks. I’ll never be financially stable. I’ll always be dirt poor because I’m too sick to work and don’t come from money. I’ve been isolated for years since I left my ex. I live alone and every day is just a new crisis. I had to basically beg my power company to not shut off my utilities the other day because I was reading the bills wrong and I didn’t realize I owed so much money. I just don’t have the bandwidth to keep worrying about these constant crises. Like what am I even doing it for exactly? just so I can continue to suffer?

They say get help, and I am. I’m in an intensive outpatient treatment program right now with regular therapy, etc. I’ve been dealing with treatment resistant depression since I was twelve. Even if I did become financially stable, I would still be suffering with my disease.

Sometimes I don’t even feel real. Like today I tried to reason it away and say it’s because of the gloomy weather or not having the best sleep last night, but honestly, I’m just tired. I’m tired of the stigma that comes with being mentally ill. It’s honestly embarrassing enough to make you want to end it.

Yes, a lot of people are extremely kind to me and are trying to support me. I know I am not alone. But that does not cure the disease.

I want it to be over.
I want to be free.

i really really wana end myself but i am afraid i survive and have to explain.

When i used to be young i always thought theres no problem in me feeling the way i felt cause i’ll heal and have better years coming. At this age im at rn it just feels like i wasted my younger years , it feels so much more real idk how to explain it but it feels like an URGE to stop feeling the way i feel whilst its not even possible to just stop feeling like a wreck.

I have a low end job & I'm not ashamed of it but the child in me who dreamed about being a doctor, surgeon or a laywer etc gets really sad sometimes.

This isn't the life I pictured when I was younger.

Life isn't a fairytale after all. No damsel in distress, no Prince Charming coming to save you. Just you, trying to survive a life you never imagined would turn out this way.

I'm trying to be strong, but my facade is slowly crumbling. I keep asking myself, am I bad? Do I deserve all this? I don't know anymore. I'm barely holding on, and the rope I'm clinging to is slowly breaking.

I don't want to just survive. I want to live, too. But lately, even that feels impossible.

If you're reading this, I hope you're holding on better than I am. And if you're not, I hope we both make it through.

I am 25 F and I've dealt with major depression since I was maybe 9 or 10 years old. I was abused and neglected my entire childhood, and I didn't think I would make it to 18, let alone 25. I turned 25 last month and I feel hopeless. This year has felt impossible. Even small tasks feel completely insurmountable. I feel useless.

My entire life has felt incredibly lonely. I've never had close connections with other people and I've always wondered what's wrong with me. Friendships fizzle out and I've been abused in romantic relationships too. I've craved being cared for and loved my entire life and I've never felt that. All I'm good at is being abused. Now I have really bad agoraphobia and I can't trust anyone. It feels like there is an impassible wall between me and anyone else, like everyone else has something that I'm missing, something I can never have.

I haven't done anything with my life considering I never meant to live this long. I'm isolated, I don't have anyone to turn to. Ever since covid I've become a hermit. I've told my family about how I don't want to live anymore but they're honestly indifferent to me. The daily realization that no one is going to comfort me hurts so bad. I see other people with best friends or partners that love them and feel so lost. Like, even other people who are struggling have somebody to go to. The concept of "it gets better" makes me feel bitter. I've been like this my entire life and it's only gotten worse.

And any advice I've seen is usually along the lines of "be there for yourself and invest in yourself", but I don't have the energy or will to. Why? What's the point in getting better if you're completely and utterly alone? Is it wrong to wish there was someone to go to when you feel like giving up? Being so starved and desperate for affection and connection makes me feel pathetic. I crave someone to do even mundane things with, someone to just exist with who sees me. I don't want to be pitied, I just wish there was someone who genuinely cared for me, not just those who want to use and manipulate me, but I only seem to attract the latter. Even as a kid I would fantasize about having friends.

I always have this inevitable feeling that I will end it eventually, no matter what. I never had a chance to be 'normal' in this life. I always find myself wishing I was never born. My parents never meant to have me and I wish that they hadn't. It hurts being this way, and people can say "reach out to someone" or "it gets better" or "mental health matters" but in reality, people only care about themselves. If you have chronic and severe lifelong depression and you don't "get better", people will stop checking in on you. People will stop reaching out, people will stop making an effort. Finding community feels like a fantasy that is unattainable and false. The only reason I haven't ended it is because I'm scared of failing. If there was some way to 100% ensure that you fade away and don't wake up, I would have done it by now.

I don't even have some hope of "maybe I'll make it". I just feel completely drained and exhausted. The feeling of being alone and being so lonely for so long is completely crushing. I feel like I'm not a real person, and I feel like I have nothing left inside of me, nothing left to scoop out and mash together into any more motivation to continue. Everyone else my age is living, and I just exist. I can't help feeling like there's so many people who should be alive instead of me. I mean nothing to anyone and it hurts so much. No matter what I'm doing I just can't stop thinking about ending it.

It's been more than five years since life actually felt right. No dramatic turning point, no single event to blame, no defining moment where everything went wrong. Just a gradual loss of motivation, discipline, and whatever it was that used to make me feel like myself. A slow decline.

Damn, I have such a soft spot for my younger self. He fought through a lot on his own and sometimes I genuinely wonder what he'd think if he saw me now. He'd very likely be disappointed, but I think he'd also understand how I got here. Part of me still feels like I owe him a comeback. The thing is, I genuinely feel like there's nothing left in the tank for me to pull one off.

Crying myself to sleep and waking up feeling just as miserable isn't something I ever thought I'd have to deal with. At some point, sleep stopped being actual rest and became an escape. Just a way to switch everything off for a few hours, knowing it'll all be patiently waiting when I wake up.

Man... I don't really know how to explain what the last few years have done to me. Maybe this burden has become so heavy that I've even lost the ability to articulate clearly. I just know I haven't felt like myself in a long time, and it's strange how much a person can struggle without anyone really noticing. Now, somehow, I feel even more depressed knowing that my life is objectively worse than it was back then.

To anyone out there fighting something similar, I'm sending you whatever little strength I have left in the tank. Hope it helps you keep going... even if I haven't quite managed to do the same for myself.

TW/ I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal ideation since I was very young I was abused in my childhood home until I left for college. I started dating my current boyfriend almost 2 years ago now he is 28 and I am 21.

He has constantly been verbally emotionally abusive towards me. Today he screamed in my face with such rage: “you am worthless, you are stupid, fuck off, Grotesque, bitch, you are nothing.” Referring to me. Among other horrible things truly soul crushing. I can’t even explain how horrific how evil it was in this moment.

I have a college degree but no money of my own to get out. I just wanted to say it’s not like I’m completely useless.

He and others even his family have told me how kind and nice I am yet he told me he is meaner to me than to anyone else ever. He threatens my safety and security all the time.

I am out of gas emotionally my heart my being is out. I have thought of kms so many times recently especially now after he said these things. I have never thought good of myself only bad I grew up thinking I am worthless I am nothing I am all those horrible things. In truth it’s narcissists, abuses, and addictions who have put these words in my head.

I’m struggling to hold it in the worthless the sadness the thought all these horrible feeling could go away my tears and suffering. He knew I was abused he knew I thought about sucude before as a kid he knew how others have treated me yet he did and does the same. He knows I struggle with mentel heath yet he tears me down piece by piece criticizing me on every level. I have done nothing but help him - I drove him to rehab, I sat with in a whole day in a hospital took though I had to drive hours, I cook everything for him, I clean, I build him up; yet he touchers me. It’s so damaging emotionally, I can’t handle being alive I can’t handle the suffering.

I M18 live alone. Family cut ties with me after I wanted out of religion. The only person I got is my dog. And yes I count my dog as a person… 2 days ago I finally had the guts to confess my feelings towards a classmate who I’ve had in my classes for a while now but we haven’t talked. I asked her out on a date and she looks at me and stood up and left. I went back home and I just sat behind my computer screen trying to not think of what happened. My friend posted a story… it was him and the same girl who I asked out 2 days earlier. I don’t know what to do… I’m thinking it’s because I’m not tall or handsome which is a possibility. I just don’t know if I can make it another week. I see couples everyday and everywhere and it just reminds me how lonely and fucking depressed I am. The only time I socialize with people is on my soccer team. Even there I’m quiet but I’m the captain so I have to speak.. it takes a lot. I always get made fun of my height and specially looks. I am always the shortest person in the group and the most vulnerable. I’ve been bullied and abused all my life.. people are shitty and I just wanna go to sleep and not wake up or I’m just going to end my shitty life myself.

Found a bridge which has an incredible height. Its in a beautiful place, no water at the bottom. I can't stop thinking about how happy id be flying off of it and finally ending this bullshit.

They always say "life finds a way" but for me i just don't feel that way, i feel like if i endure for another 10 years ill simply lose more of myself by struggling constantly. And yes by struggling i do mean finances, im knee deep in bank debt and about to be homeless. I was homeless for 3 years and i told myself id never allow it to happen again and i meant it.

Ive done everything in my power to not end up homeless. ive got 4 kitties that love me and i cant even think about the fact in 2 weeks i might have to bring them to a shelter. I dont think i can live without them. Id rather just not.

Edit; plus my wife died to a seizure in 2023 and i had a really good job back then too but since losing her i just slacked and eventually got fired. Its been really rough and ive been barely scraping by for 3 years on the brink of homelessness this whole time. Why does the only way out of this mess im in feel like either a winning lottery ticket or a trip to the bottom? Sometimes i have moments of clarity and i feel like maybe i can fix this, and then life throws more bullshit in my face and i just realize no its not going to get better

edit2: my 4 kitties are the only thing i have left in this world that anchor me to my deceased wife. I don't know if an afterlife exists. If i knew one did id have done the deed years ago to join her again. I let myself my kitties my family down everything ive done has been a failure ever since she passed. I can't continue to live like this.

I brushed and flossed my teeth. It's only been a week, but before that I literally cannot remember when the last time I did was. I know it sounds so gross, believe me I know, but I have oral hygiene paralysis. I can't bring myself to do it. I hate it and I don't know why.

But I did it. And I feel great :)

I don't know if it's because I'm uncomfortable with my life. but a while ago I wanted to kill myself and I had a knife in my room for like 5 weeks.and I couldnt decide if I wanted to because I know that my life wasn't useless and that Tomorrow it could be better but I was thinking about it and I really think the reason I'm alive is that I valued my life so little that I didn't want to have to cause my family the annoyance of my death. it's gotten better since than. I was so close to grabing that knife and just pushing a little deeper into my skin than I ended cutting my self.. witch my parents still don't know about it's healed but it hurt a bit. I was so close to killing my self and I don't know if I feel. good in my own skin I feel like I don't belong as how I am. and I don't know what to do. do I just wait? will it get better?

Last few months I have had a lot of instances of crying uncontrollably for no reason. I haven’t noticed anything that triggers it, and I am not someone who normally cries much. It usually only lasts 5 to 10 minutes but sometimes I get a really long episode. Does anyone else have this issue and what causes yours? I am wondering if it might be stress, anxiety or maybe a medication. I am worried if I just mention it to my doctor that I will get the “you’re a girl that is what girls do” response.

I’ve been trying to find a post about someone describing depression as such a severe pain and sadness in the brain that it’s the feeling of someone you love died. I have these extreme depressive episodes that my brain and mind are in so much pain and sadness that it feels like my insides are going to explode. It’s so hard to describe the exact feeling of pain I have because it is so bad. I see some people say they feel numb or have no interest in doing things… I have all of those symptoms but on top of that I have these intense moments of so much mental pain that I cannot take it. My mind is just so distressed. It’s so hard to describe. I guess the best description I do have is the feeling of one of your loved ones dying but like the intensity of sadness is like a million times more. It’s unbearable. It’s absolutely gut wrenching. It’s so painful that if someone experienced this in a physical pain, their body would just die multiple times over and over again.

I 23M have always worn my heart and passion on my sleeve. Im Gay and have been hurt by alot of men and i try to stand up for myself but i never win and i just meet another asshole.

With my own personality i talk alot and im really opinionated especially about topics im passionate about like my love for animals.

I guess im just ranting and thinking alot tonight. I cut myself alot because i feel like i deserve it.

Maybe im always destoned to be used and hurt. I wonder if accepting how im treated will help me.

I just sit around and doom scroll all day. I drink everyday. I go on a walks to the liquor store whereas before I’d go on long walks just for fun. I used to be interested in watching informative documentaries. I no longer even do that. I just sit on my phone all day. I’m pretty distant from all my friends with the exception of like 3. And even that is virtual. I don’t initiate plans and when I do have plans I want to cancel them pretty much always. I’m proud of myself for not canceling though. I just feel like I’m slowly rotting away.