What is making my depression so much worse is how much I see the world sucking right now.

Everyone is negative about everything, everyone is fighting, nobody is taking accountability, nobody sees their own flaws in how they act and how much hate they spread, everyone is divided, nobody can have smart conversations, everyone is led by their feelings..

Things are changing too much, too. I don't do well with change at all, even if it might not even matter in the grand scheme of things.

The rise of AI, the future of critical thinking, human authenticity, and the future of human social connection look bleak as well.

Honestly, I could regurgitate everything I find worrying about the world and the future of humanity for hours.

It is making it 1000 times worse to rid myself of depression and I know I am not the only one thinking this.

I am so severely disabled I can't leave my house, everything feels lonely and hopeless. I don't know why I am still alive when everything is so bad and constantly getting worse.

It's impossible for a worthless person like me to make friends. I provide zero value to anyone. And I will never be able to change this.

The pain is so bad it seems like I could die soon.

I don't want to live with my parents anymore, my mother is the most toxic and abusive person I have ever seen in my life. Has anyone ever had cut ties from their parents how is life going and how do they feel?

It’s no surprise I’ve reached this dead end really. There was something not right about me from the get go. Too highly strung and flimsy. Needing to work so hard just to survive, make friends etc. I needed everything to go right and I made bad decisions putting myself under pressure. And then I cracked. Never to be the same.

I'm so done. I can't keep living this life that I've managed to fuck up so badly in 35 years. I'm a piece of shit and I can't live with myself anymore

I’m 34 and I’ve seen what life has to offer and it sucks. I’ll never be financially stable. I’ll always be dirt poor because I’m too sick to work and don’t come from money. I’ve been isolated for years since I left my ex. I live alone and every day is just a new crisis. I had to basically beg my power company to not shut off my utilities the other day because I was reading the bills wrong and I didn’t realize I owed so much money. I just don’t have the bandwidth to keep worrying about these constant crises. Like what am I even doing it for exactly? just so I can continue to suffer?

They say get help, and I am. I’m in an intensive outpatient treatment program right now with regular therapy, etc. I’ve been dealing with treatment resistant depression since I was twelve. Even if I did become financially stable, I would still be suffering with my disease.

Sometimes I don’t even feel real. Like today I tried to reason it away and say it’s because of the gloomy weather or not having the best sleep last night, but honestly, I’m just tired. I’m tired of the stigma that comes with being mentally ill. It’s honestly embarrassing enough to make you want to end it.

Yes, a lot of people are extremely kind to me and are trying to support me. I know I am not alone. But that does not cure the disease.

I want it to be over.
I want to be free.

I have severe social anxiety that prevents me from doing basic things most people can do normally. stuff like ordering food, phonecalls, just anything involving talking to people or being in a public area. I have a job, but i only got it through connections (Family member). I didnt even do an interview because my last one i couldnt get anything out of my mouth cause i was so nervous. interviewer chuckled at me. 😃 i work at a grocery store and i do all sorts of things just not cashier ever and they are okay with that. After work i go home i eat and play games then sleep. i wake up eat breakfast and go to work, go home and eat then play games then sleep. i just feel like im in a simulation doing same thing everyday like a robot, and as well as gaming doesnt give me much joy as it used to, and feels more like a 2nd job.

Therapy is not an option because when i actually tried to go to one it wasn't a good experience, and something about me is i never attempt something a second time if its a bad experience. I dropped out of high school because the environment was so bad for my social anxiety and as a result i am so dumb and i get made fun of alot because i dont know much things as others do.

most of my friends are online but i stay fully annoymous and dont reveal anything about my real life because im scared theyll find where i live and kill me for some odd reason my brain tells me everyday. but i get to show my real personality online because I feel safe behind the computer screen and can be myself without being judged. but most are jsut short term friendships, no one i can talk to freely, as well as some asking to meet up irl which im uncomfortable with. so i block them....i dont know whats wrong with me......

i just feel stuck. I somewhat want to improve in a way but everything in my brain is preventing it. Im hopeless......

There’s no guarantee that life will ever get better. The demographic which you hear that phrase from is very positively skewed . You hear from the ones who haven’t taken their own lives. The ones that are still able to function in a work setting. The ones who have the confidence to speak openly about their struggles to others. So many successful people who have struggled are sitting on the tip of an iceberg of complete failure and suffering, consisting of people in their exact situation who were not as fortunate. It’s really daunting how arbitrary fate is.

However, the opinions on this subreddit are also very negatively skewed. Just because someone’s life hasn’t gotten better doesn’t mean yours won’t. Many of the people here are venting and commenting at some of the worst points in their lives, where they haven’t gotten used to the pain they are feeling from the blow life recently dealt them. Life itself won’t get better, but if it doesn’t get any worse, you will start to feel better. Because you’ll get used to living how you live day by day. You’ll feel numb from it eventually if you have enough patience.

This isn’t a hope post or a depressing post, it’s just my thoughts on how I see life at the moment. I don’t think it’s worth living for a lot of people, but idk it may be worth giving tomorrow a chance.

When i used to be young i always thought theres no problem in me feeling the way i felt cause i’ll heal and have better years coming. At this age im at rn it just feels like i wasted my younger years , it feels so much more real idk how to explain it but it feels like an URGE to stop feeling the way i feel whilst its not even possible to just stop feeling like a wreck.

i really really wana end myself but i am afraid i survive and have to explain.

Keeping it simple. 43 dad here with 11 and 9 1/2 daughters. Depression my whole life. Suicide closer than ever. Especially with splitting up with their mom. Let's leave her and that out of this.

I know everyone says leave the kids out of it. It's not up to me to make the decision to end it for them.

My question is which is worse.

Committed suicide myself and my kids have to live with that forever. The holidays, birthdays, seeing everyone with their dad's,going to school. Everything basically.

Suicide myself and taking them with me so they don't have to suffer with all that.

Yes I know think of all the family and people affected if they are gone. I understand that. This is just about is it worse they are still here or just take them with me.

I went through a lot last year. When I think of it I can’t think of anything more than this girl. I miss her. She’s not dead or anything we just aren’t friends anymore. She’s perfect. I really mean it. I want to not be aware about the fact that, I’ll probably never talk to her again. Her eyes, they’re these small brown abysses of coffee. She’s not a push over either. That’s what happened last year. I feel in love with that girl. And it was depressing and chaotic and also the most meaningful thing in my life. I felt alive, I felt like the world could surprise me, and while yes it was painful in some ways, it was also beautiful. I liked being so devoted to loving someone. I don’t want to do anything more, then to think about those memories, in all their beautiful sadness, for the rest of my life. An easy way to do that, is to cut your life short. I want to dream with her. Not just her, all my other friends too. I just want to go back, I didn’t know what I had. And I’m thankful I had it at all but, it’s just, idk. I can’t tell anyone about it, they either treat my emotions as meaningless or fall into a pit of despair. Is it so bad that I want someone to just, sit through this with me? To see the beauty in the fact that I feel something because something meant something to me. I was getting better. I have ADHD, GAD, MDD, with OCD and BPD tendencies. I finally got on stimulants. I’ve been able to regulate my emotions because of that. I don’t think that’s entirely a good thing. I don’t think I should be able to hide that, I’m thinking about killing myself. I’ve gone through DBT, CBT, inpatient care, all of it is yelling that I should reach out. But for what? So they tell me how silly what I feel as real as the rest of reality is? So they tell me how narcissistic I’m being? So their life quality decreases? It doesn’t seem right to me. It just seems better if I pack it up and just, don’t tell anyone. I used to tell people, I used to be the type of person to drive myself to the hospital because I knew I was in distress and I needed help but, after enough people tell you they don’t want to hear it, you get the message. I think everyone will be fine without me. I’m happy and satisfied with my life. I think that feeling this intensely anything, is worthy in it of itself. The universe may not provide meaning, but I’m okay if I die for an idea so arbitrary as love or the human condition. You’ll be okay mom. Vas a estar bien papa, te lo prometo. You’ll be okay Mat. You’ll be okay Mate. You’ll be okay Mil. I think that covers the only people who would care. You’ll be okay, I’m okay with this. You may see this as a miserable life but I find beauty in the fact that, in a world so indifferent, a person can mean this much to another person. I’m willing to die to make sure these feelings and experiences have a meaning beyond myself. I’m just tired. I’m too tired. I can’t keep going. It’s beautiful but like a human gazing at an angel I can’t comprehend it, and to comprehend it would be to relígate it to the world of man. This isn’t from the world of man. The love I feel for everyone is not something that deserves to be treated any less real than the rest of reality. I hope with this final act, I can at least forget about the question. I love you guys. I’m sorry.

This isn't the life I pictured when I was younger.

Life isn't a fairytale after all. No damsel in distress, no Prince Charming coming to save you. Just you, trying to survive a life you never imagined would turn out this way.

I'm trying to be strong, but my facade is slowly crumbling. I keep asking myself, am I bad? Do I deserve all this? I don't know anymore. I'm barely holding on, and the rope I'm clinging to is slowly breaking.

I don't want to just survive. I want to live, too. But lately, even that feels impossible.

If you're reading this, I hope you're holding on better than I am. And if you're not, I hope we both make it through.

I have a low end job & I'm not ashamed of it but the child in me who dreamed about being a doctor, surgeon or a laywer etc gets really sad sometimes.

hi sorry in advance for long post. i don't really have the right to be picky but i'd like a long answer because i like reading them. if you'd like.

when i was younger i had a pretty bad drug addiction, and we had a guidance counselor at my school who every single troubled kid absolutely adored. she was nice to every student obviously, but all i wanted was to break through that standard niceness and experience that special kindness that some adult authority figures give to kids that they decide are different from the rest of the hundreds they see every day. anyways. i spent a lot of time trying to catch that attention. i'd cry in class i'd walk out i'd wear short sleeves in the hopes of her seeing the little baby cuts and pray every single day for one of my teachers to concerningly phone her and say i needed help. that way i wouldn't have to make the walk to her office and talk to her myself. as you can probably guess that never happened, and i learned my lesson.

obviously i'm much older than 14 now and i've realised that there's nobody coming to save me in particular. i got sober by myself that very year and had my four years back in august. it's kinda disappointing hearing people's stories about how they got better or how they started healing. everyone's got someone who saw them and helped them or forcibly made them quit. i didn't get any of that. my issues weren't destructive / disruptive to anybody. i was never the type to externalize my problems, even now, which has probably fucked me over in some way. now, i'm just like a ghost. it's like i'm just a deep pit in the form of a human being. a deep dark swirling pit that sucks in good things and spits them out. i have a nice girlfriend and friends. i'm doing pretty well in some courses i'm upgrading before going to uni.

i don't know. i still cut myself on a semi frequent basis. everyone i speak to and know has the impression that i'm well adjusted and normal because i get so extremely embarrassed whenever i make the impression of being anything but. i hate people who make their problems so obvious yet i'm so jealous at the same time. they get people flocking to them, worried and scared and concerned. they get help. they get the extra mile. meanwhile i get nothing because of my somehow-still-huge ego stops me from expressing anything other than 'i'm okay!!!!' i know i'm supposed to reach out. yet i stop myself every time. i've been thinking about relapsing just to see if anyone will see. i know i won't get the reaction i crave. i won't get the softness and attention i want. i'm just lost. i feel like i wasted the prime years to get any sort of meaningful, altruistic help and i'll just turn into the sad adult i was always afraid of becoming. i guess i just want someone to give me some crumb of pity. tell me you understand or whatever

TW/ I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal ideation since I was very young I was abused in my childhood home until I left for college. I started dating my current boyfriend almost 2 years ago now he is 28 and I am 21.

He has constantly been verbally emotionally abusive towards me. Today he screamed in my face with such rage: “you am worthless, you are stupid, fuck off, Grotesque, bitch, you are nothing.” Referring to me. Among other horrible things truly soul crushing. I can’t even explain how horrific how evil it was in this moment.

I have a college degree but no money of my own to get out. I just wanted to say it’s not like I’m completely useless.

He and others even his family have told me how kind and nice I am yet he told me he is meaner to me than to anyone else ever. He threatens my safety and security all the time.

I am out of gas emotionally my heart my being is out. I have thought of kms so many times recently especially now after he said these things. I have never thought good of myself only bad I grew up thinking I am worthless I am nothing I am all those horrible things. In truth it’s narcissists, abuses, and addictions who have put these words in my head.

I’m struggling to hold it in the worthless the sadness the thought all these horrible feeling could go away my tears and suffering. He knew I was abused he knew I thought about sucude before as a kid he knew how others have treated me yet he did and does the same. He knows I struggle with mentel heath yet he tears me down piece by piece criticizing me on every level. I have done nothing but help him - I drove him to rehab, I sat with in a whole day in a hospital took though I had to drive hours, I cook everything for him, I clean, I build him up; yet he touchers me. It’s so damaging emotionally, I can’t handle being alive I can’t handle the suffering.

I can't handle my life anymore

I'm a senior in college. I have classes 5 days a week (department is English Language and Literature) , plus my thesis, an internship, and homework on top of that. That alone would be a lot, but I also work. Full days on weekends, and two weekdays right after classes. Honestly the job wears me out more than school does.

So I'm up early all 7 days of the week. I can't sleep in even once. (Even the sleep I sleep is unhealthy) I have zero time for myself. I'm tired all the time, and I wake up already exhausted.

I end up turning down most plans with my friends. And when I do manage to go, my head isn't even there, I'm just thinking about everything I have to do the next day. I'm physically present but not really there. I feel like I can't keep up with anything and I'm always dropping something.

I've been really unhappy for a while now. I think it might be some kind of depression, I feel unhealthy both physically and mentally.

Has anyone been through something like this? How did you get through it? I honestly can't tell if I need to drop something, or if I'm just doing this wrong.

I can't find any reason to be happy and I'm always sulking.

It's been more than five years since life actually felt right. No dramatic turning point, no single event to blame, no defining moment where everything went wrong. Just a gradual loss of motivation, discipline, and whatever it was that used to make me feel like myself. A slow decline.

Damn, I have such a soft spot for my younger self. He fought through a lot on his own and sometimes I genuinely wonder what he'd think if he saw me now. He'd very likely be disappointed, but I think he'd also understand how I got here. Part of me still feels like I owe him a comeback. The thing is, I genuinely feel like there's nothing left in the tank for me to pull one off.

Crying myself to sleep and waking up feeling just as miserable isn't something I ever thought I'd have to deal with. At some point, sleep stopped being actual rest and became an escape. Just a way to switch everything off for a few hours, knowing it'll all be patiently waiting when I wake up.

Man... I don't really know how to explain what the last few years have done to me. Maybe this burden has become so heavy that I've even lost the ability to articulate clearly. I just know I haven't felt like myself in a long time, and it's strange how much a person can struggle without anyone really noticing. Now, somehow, I feel even more depressed knowing that my life is objectively worse than it was back then.

To anyone out there fighting something similar, I'm sending you whatever little strength I have left in the tank. Hope it helps you keep going... even if I haven't quite managed to do the same for myself.

I am 25 F and I've dealt with major depression since I was maybe 9 or 10 years old. I was abused and neglected my entire childhood, and I didn't think I would make it to 18, let alone 25. I turned 25 last month and I feel hopeless. This year has felt impossible. Even small tasks feel completely insurmountable. I feel useless.

My entire life has felt incredibly lonely. I've never had close connections with other people and I've always wondered what's wrong with me. Friendships fizzle out and I've been abused in romantic relationships too. I've craved being cared for and loved my entire life and I've never felt that. All I'm good at is being abused. Now I have really bad agoraphobia and I can't trust anyone. It feels like there is an impassible wall between me and anyone else, like everyone else has something that I'm missing, something I can never have.

I haven't done anything with my life considering I never meant to live this long. I'm isolated, I don't have anyone to turn to. Ever since covid I've become a hermit. I've told my family about how I don't want to live anymore but they're honestly indifferent to me. The daily realization that no one is going to comfort me hurts so bad. I see other people with best friends or partners that love them and feel so lost. Like, even other people who are struggling have somebody to go to. The concept of "it gets better" makes me feel bitter. I've been like this my entire life and it's only gotten worse.

And any advice I've seen is usually along the lines of "be there for yourself and invest in yourself", but I don't have the energy or will to. Why? What's the point in getting better if you're completely and utterly alone? Is it wrong to wish there was someone to go to when you feel like giving up? Being so starved and desperate for affection and connection makes me feel pathetic. I crave someone to do even mundane things with, someone to just exist with who sees me. I don't want to be pitied, I just wish there was someone who genuinely cared for me, not just those who want to use and manipulate me, but I only seem to attract the latter. Even as a kid I would fantasize about having friends.

I always have this inevitable feeling that I will end it eventually, no matter what. I never had a chance to be 'normal' in this life. I always find myself wishing I was never born. My parents never meant to have me and I wish that they hadn't. It hurts being this way, and people can say "reach out to someone" or "it gets better" or "mental health matters" but in reality, people only care about themselves. If you have chronic and severe lifelong depression and you don't "get better", people will stop checking in on you. People will stop reaching out, people will stop making an effort. Finding community feels like a fantasy that is unattainable and false. The only reason I haven't ended it is because I'm scared of failing. If there was some way to 100% ensure that you fade away and don't wake up, I would have done it by now.

I don't even have some hope of "maybe I'll make it". I just feel completely drained and exhausted. The feeling of being alone and being so lonely for so long is completely crushing. I feel like I'm not a real person, and I feel like I have nothing left inside of me, nothing left to scoop out and mash together into any more motivation to continue. Everyone else my age is living, and I just exist. I can't help feeling like there's so many people who should be alive instead of me. I mean nothing to anyone and it hurts so much. No matter what I'm doing I just can't stop thinking about ending it.

So my manager got let go today due to budgeting cuts. I am really devastated. She was my champion, making sure that the higher ups didn't dump too much work on me. I have to drive a lot for my job which is hard because of my health issues so she helped me schedule things so I didn't have to drive so much. She advocated for me my first year, and I got a 10k raise which I'm sure people don't usually get because she wanted them to keep me.

I feel lost now that she is not here. She isn't even allowed to come to get her things.

On top of that I have majorly fucked up at work, not doing work in am supposed to be doing or keeping up with documentation notes...why? I wish I had a reason. Its like there are things I know i have to do and I'm being told to do it and I know there are consequences. I hate getting in trouble which makes me confused as to why I feel IDAF. Have been having major procrastination, memory issues, inattention. Someone thought maybe its undiagnosed ADHD but I barely have time to see my doctor.

My chronic pain is bad to the point where I just try to sleep just to get an escape from it. Slept 4 hrs on Saturday because the pain was bad and I just needed an escape.

The only thing I can say is I am trying to be better at work. I can't go back and do previous work but have been just starting for the past few months to be consistent. I don't know how I let it get to this point. Like I blinked and I am 2.5 years into a job and I fell so far behind I gave up on trying. I am shameful I have let it get this bad and can't seem to motivate myself to start really trying.

I get into panic spirals and just shame that fills me when I think about how disorganized I have made my life. I can't remember basic things, I have no motivation and consequences don't seem to motivate me. I feel like a piece of shit.

What kind of person have I turned into? Why am I not doing things that are required of me even if I know better, and knowing this could have signicant consequences? Why can't I keep track of things in my schedule even with calendar reminders.

I know all I can do now is try to be better. I am making some changes. But I'm really not in a good place and I feel hopeless.

I M18 live alone. Family cut ties with me after I wanted out of religion. The only person I got is my dog. And yes I count my dog as a person… 2 days ago I finally had the guts to confess my feelings towards a classmate who I’ve had in my classes for a while now but we haven’t talked. I asked her out on a date and she looks at me and stood up and left. I went back home and I just sat behind my computer screen trying to not think of what happened. My friend posted a story… it was him and the same girl who I asked out 2 days earlier. I don’t know what to do… I’m thinking it’s because I’m not tall or handsome which is a possibility. I just don’t know if I can make it another week. I see couples everyday and everywhere and it just reminds me how lonely and fucking depressed I am. The only time I socialize with people is on my soccer team. Even there I’m quiet but I’m the captain so I have to speak.. it takes a lot. I always get made fun of my height and specially looks. I am always the shortest person in the group and the most vulnerable. I’ve been bullied and abused all my life.. people are shitty and I just wanna go to sleep and not wake up or I’m just going to end my shitty life myself.

Found a bridge which has an incredible height. Its in a beautiful place, no water at the bottom. I can't stop thinking about how happy id be flying off of it and finally ending this bullshit.

They always say "life finds a way" but for me i just don't feel that way, i feel like if i endure for another 10 years ill simply lose more of myself by struggling constantly. And yes by struggling i do mean finances, im knee deep in bank debt and about to be homeless. I was homeless for 3 years and i told myself id never allow it to happen again and i meant it.

Ive done everything in my power to not end up homeless. ive got 4 kitties that love me and i cant even think about the fact in 2 weeks i might have to bring them to a shelter. I dont think i can live without them. Id rather just not.

Edit; plus my wife died to a seizure in 2023 and i had a really good job back then too but since losing her i just slacked and eventually got fired. Its been really rough and ive been barely scraping by for 3 years on the brink of homelessness this whole time. Why does the only way out of this mess im in feel like either a winning lottery ticket or a trip to the bottom? Sometimes i have moments of clarity and i feel like maybe i can fix this, and then life throws more bullshit in my face and i just realize no its not going to get better

edit2: my 4 kitties are the only thing i have left in this world that anchor me to my deceased wife. I don't know if an afterlife exists. If i knew one did id have done the deed years ago to join her again. I let myself my kitties my family down everything ive done has been a failure ever since she passed. I can't continue to live like this.

I brushed and flossed my teeth. It's only been a week, but before that I literally cannot remember when the last time I did was. I know it sounds so gross, believe me I know, but I have oral hygiene paralysis. I can't bring myself to do it. I hate it and I don't know why.

But I did it. And I feel great :)

Everything is boring now, barely anything brings me joy, Im always waiting for the moment to be done and over with do to....what exactly? Idk, I spend all my days on my phone fishing for notifications to get that sweet dopamine hit. I dont have the motivation or desire to play, to work, to eat. Almost everything sucks, or is boring, and draining. Im so bored all the time. I feel like this has been a thing for a while but it was much more dormant and less noticeable, but its been getting so much worse lately

I don't know if it's because I'm uncomfortable with my life. but a while ago I wanted to kill myself and I had a knife in my room for like 5 weeks.and I couldnt decide if I wanted to because I know that my life wasn't useless and that Tomorrow it could be better but I was thinking about it and I really think the reason I'm alive is that I valued my life so little that I didn't want to have to cause my family the annoyance of my death. it's gotten better since than. I was so close to grabing that knife and just pushing a little deeper into my skin than I ended cutting my self.. witch my parents still don't know about it's healed but it hurt a bit. I was so close to killing my self and I don't know if I feel. good in my own skin I feel like I don't belong as how I am. and I don't know what to do. do I just wait? will it get better?