I’ve been trying so hard, all the time. Idk I’m just tired of being positive and hopeful when reality sucks. I suck as a person, I don’t think I’m a good one. I don’t think it takes a good person to stay alive it takes a strong person and I’m not strong

successfully blew up my life on thursday night, got drunk, went on suicidal rants, screamed at and attacked someone i love, the police was called and lost my bag with everything in it. I'm not even a real person, I don't know how to live. I'm 27 years old and my life is nothing. no job, doing an online course for a shitty english GCSE and I'm probably not even going to achieve that. any plans that I tried to have for myself are constantly ruined. please come to my house and kill me. I've been in and out of counselling courses for years, can't afford real therapy. my birth was genuinely a mistake. please kill me or give me cancer

I've been depressed and anxious for a long time. But due to some recent incidents it has gotten worse. And even though the meds I'm taking helped for a while, it's not exactly helping anymore. I really just want the pain to stop. I really want it to stop.

I have no hobbies, barely leave the house, barely sleep, and spend most of my time mindlessly scrolling through social media. Outside of work, I have absolutely no desire to do anything. Even basic tasks feel overwhelming. I’ll schedule appointments and then not even show up because I can’t bring myself to go.
I rarely feel any joy or excitement. Most of the time, I’m just numb and feel like an absolute waste of space. Nobody really checks in on me, and I feel completely disconnected from everyone.
Every day feels exactly the same. I wake up feeling overwhelmed and like shit, struggle to get through the day, go to sleep, and then wake up and do it all over again. It’s an endless cycle, and I feel like I’m just existing rather than actually living.
I’ve been depressed for so long that it’s become my baseline. I’m not comfortable being miserable, but I’ve gotten so used to it that it feels normal. I’ve tried medication and therapy, but neither has helped, and I honestly don’t know what else to do anymore.

The moments flow out of control. I feel as though everything is unreal, just like a dream, and I'm floating through space, unconscious. I don't understand when or how things happen. They just happen, and I simply watch.

Everything I've ever done has been an attempt to anchor myself to the passage of time, to make myself feel connected to it. Yet I can never sustain that connection for long. No matter how hard I try or how passionate I am, at some point, this feeling of duality strikes me, and I find myself paralyzed, unable to do anything.

I feel detached from reality, as though the character I've been playing all this time were merely a game avatar, and the one controlling it weren't really a person with desires. There's just a faint sense of observation.

All of a sudden, everything loses its sense of reality and importance. I watch myself fall behind on all the plans my character had so passionately laid out, and I just can't help it. I feel disabled by this feeling, and I don't even know what it is.

I've been struggling with depression for about a year. I'm currently taking 20 mg of escitalopram and attending therapy, but I still find it incredibly difficult to function and feel connected to my life. I have been trying to get better, but this particular experience is difficult to explain, and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel helpless.

Has anyone experienced something similar? If you've gone through this, what helped you understand or cope with it? I'd really appreciate any insight or advice.

hi sorry in advance for long post. i don't really have the right to be picky but i'd like a long answer because i like reading them. if you'd like.

when i was younger i had a pretty bad drug addiction, and we had a guidance counselor at my school who every single troubled kid absolutely adored. she was nice to every student obviously, but all i wanted was to break through that standard niceness and experience that special kindness that some adult authority figures give to kids that they decide are different from the rest of the hundreds they see every day. anyways. i spent a lot of time trying to catch that attention. i'd cry in class i'd walk out i'd wear short sleeves in the hopes of her seeing the little baby cuts and pray every single day for one of my teachers to concerningly phone her and say i needed help. that way i wouldn't have to make the walk to her office and talk to her myself. as you can probably guess that never happened, and i learned my lesson.

obviously i'm much older than 14 now and i've realised that there's nobody coming to save me in particular. i got sober by myself that very year and had my four years back in august. it's kinda disappointing hearing people's stories about how they got better or how they started healing. everyone's got someone who saw them and helped them or forcibly made them quit. i didn't get any of that. my issues weren't destructive / disruptive to anybody. i was never the type to externalize my problems, even now, which has probably fucked me over in some way. now, i'm just like a ghost. it's like i'm just a deep pit in the form of a human being. a deep dark swirling pit that sucks in good things and spits them out. i have a nice girlfriend and friends. i'm doing pretty well in some courses i'm upgrading before going to uni.

i don't know. i still cut myself on a semi frequent basis. everyone i speak to and know has the impression that i'm well adjusted and normal because i get so extremely embarrassed whenever i make the impression of being anything but. i hate people who make their problems so obvious yet i'm so jealous at the same time. they get people flocking to them, worried and scared and concerned. they get help. they get the extra mile. meanwhile i get nothing because of my somehow-still-huge ego stops me from expressing anything other than 'i'm okay!!!!' i know i'm supposed to reach out. yet i stop myself every time. i've been thinking about relapsing just to see if anyone will see. i know i won't get the reaction i crave. i won't get the softness and attention i want. i'm just lost. i feel like i wasted the prime years to get any sort of meaningful, altruistic help and i'll just turn into the sad adult i was always afraid of becoming. i guess i just want someone to give me some crumb of pity. tell me you understand or whatever

Vent ig; F18. TW: Mentions of SH) I don't know what's wrong with me anymore

I've felt this void in my heart since I was 11 and it's a feeling that makes me feel incomplete and just empty. Sometimes, I feel like I won't live past 18 (my current age) because I don't see a future for myself and it's been that way for a while. I've always hated myself. I sometimes avoid looking at myself because I hate everything about me- my looks, body, etc. I never found comfort in myself, not even after being told that I'm "beautiful". I just can't see it. All throughout middle school and until I graduated highschool a few months ago, I never dated anyone. There were a few times in highschool, though, where I thought that I was finally going to get into a relationship but it never happened. It happened more than once- a few times to be specific. The people around my age who I've been around have had something going for them. But never me. Whenever I finally gained hope, it all went to waste because that boy would just stop communicating with me out of nowhere. I hated myself for growing attached so easily. I still do. Everyone I know always tells me that I'll find my person some day. Till this day, I think there's something wrong with me because I haven't found that person. I don't think I ever will, honestly. I lost hope a long time ago and accepted that I might be alone until however long I decide to stay. I've relapsed so many times and I feel like it's the only thing I can turn to so that feeling can go away just for a while. That empty feeling grows and grows everyday, though. I don't have anymore hope for myself. It's just the same thing every day. Do things get better?

I can't handle my life anymore

I'm a senior in college. I have classes 5 days a week (department is English Language and Literature) , plus my thesis, an internship, and homework on top of that. That alone would be a lot, but I also work. Full days on weekends, and two weekdays right after classes. Honestly the job wears me out more than school does.

So I'm up early all 7 days of the week. I can't sleep in even once. (Even the sleep I sleep is unhealthy) I have zero time for myself. I'm tired all the time, and I wake up already exhausted.

I end up turning down most plans with my friends. And when I do manage to go, my head isn't even there, I'm just thinking about everything I have to do the next day. I'm physically present but not really there. I feel like I can't keep up with anything and I'm always dropping something.

I've been really unhappy for a while now. I think it might be some kind of depression, I feel unhealthy both physically and mentally.

Has anyone been through something like this? How did you get through it? I honestly can't tell if I need to drop something, or if I'm just doing this wrong.

I can't find any reason to be happy and I'm always sulking.

I have severe social anxiety that prevents me from doing basic things most people can do normally. stuff like ordering food, phonecalls, just anything involving talking to people or being in a public area. I have a job, but i only got it through connections (Family member). I didnt even do an interview because my last one i couldnt get anything out of my mouth cause i was so nervous. interviewer chuckled at me. 😃 i work at a grocery store and i do all sorts of things just not cashier ever and they are okay with that. After work i go home i eat and play games then sleep. i wake up eat breakfast and go to work, go home and eat then play games then sleep. i just feel like im in a simulation doing same thing everyday like a robot, and as well as gaming doesnt give me much joy as it used to, and feels more like a 2nd job.

Therapy is not an option because when i actually tried to go to one it wasn't a good experience, and something about me is i never attempt something a second time if its a bad experience. I dropped out of high school because the environment was so bad for my social anxiety and as a result i am so dumb and i get made fun of alot because i dont know much things as others do.

most of my friends are online but i stay fully annoymous and dont reveal anything about my real life because im scared theyll find where i live and kill me for some odd reason my brain tells me everyday. but i get to show my real personality online because I feel safe behind the computer screen and can be myself without being judged. but most are jsut short term friendships, no one i can talk to freely, as well as some asking to meet up irl which im uncomfortable with. so i block them....i dont know whats wrong with me......

i just feel stuck. I somewhat want to improve in a way but everything in my brain is preventing it. Im hopeless......

I dont know how much longer I can do this. Everything is so hard and I mean yeah sure other people may have it harder than I do but in my world my life is pretty bad. Health declining again, losing people, etc. People act like they care but do they really? They may say they do, they may say they love you but how do you know they’re telling the truth. If you’ve seen so much shit in life it’s hard to believe when someone is being honest with you. Biggest downfall of my life was months ago. I hate change and that was a HUGE change for me. I got sick because of it. Almost died. And I didn’t care if I did. Not like anyone would miss me right? Yeah sounds like a pick me saying but honestly. And I always fuck myself over. I should live and learn. But for some reason I don’t. And because of that I get hurt over and over. I’m hurting right now but I hide it with a smile and jokes. But only if people could see the real me. How I really feel. I feel as if they’d commit to me the damn ward. Nobody truly knows how much I struggle. Not my family, not my friends, not even the people that’s so close to me. I hide behind a facade. Call me fake call me a liar call me what you want. I don’t care anymore. I truly don’t think I’ll be here much longer. I have no reason to stay. Either from health or from myself, I’ll be gone. Sure it might be selfish but I just don’t care anymore. I can’t even talk to anyone about this because I don’t trust people. That’s why I’m submitting this anonymously. Not sure many people will even see this. But I can’t keep it bottled up anymore. I know if I was to leave, the world would keep spinning. Nothing stops for you. Just an empty room. Maybe a sad pet. Nothing else changes. Not saying anyone should act on their thoughts. You should find something to live for. Everyone has something. Everyone but me. There’s a few people I’d miss. Not sure they’d feel the same. I’d write something for them here but they’ll never see this lol. I feel bad but at the same time I don’t. Why should o care about people when they dont care about me. Everyone is fake. But I guess that’s it from me. Bye bye

I don't want to live with my parents anymore, my mother is the most toxic and abusive person I have ever seen in my life. Has anyone ever had cut ties from their parents how is life going and how do they feel?

I don't think I'm actually depressed necessarily but I've been diagnosed as such and it's been shoved down my throat so I guess we'll go with it. I'm incredibly lonely, I don't have any friends anymore and I don't trust people, I can't talk to my family. I've been to therapy, I've tried meds, nothing works. I drink myself to sleep most nights, and that's nothing compared to how much I used to. I dtont know what to do anymore, I feel like dying is the only option I have left, but I've tried before and I'm scared to fail again,

I can feel the mental decline from major depression disorder even tho I’m taking medication. My anxiety still overwhelms me even after I stopped smoking weed. My eyes are darker than a raccoon. No amount of sleep or exercise is going to fix that. I’m fit and strong. But I’m not mentally strong

18M i feel like there's no peace for me wherever I'd go , home is a wreck I have a family that hates me I have good friends though but can't really burden them can i? The decision i regret the most in my life is leaving boarding school early expecting I'd be living a peaceful life at my home it's the polar opposite. I have no words on how wrong I was I left such a beautiful environment for this toxic dump I call home, i don't like this life i was supposed to die twice and God gave me the curse to live on even more some people beg for their I'd happily give them mine if i could. I've never seen such parents who'd speak such verbals to me I don't even talk about them it disgusts me. I don't want to live at my home anymore I'll prbly not even live here in the future

I went through a lot last year. When I think of it I can’t think of anything more than this girl. I miss her. She’s not dead or anything we just aren’t friends anymore. She’s perfect. I really mean it. I want to not be aware about the fact that, I’ll probably never talk to her again. Her eyes, they’re these small brown abysses of coffee. She’s not a push over either. That’s what happened last year. I feel in love with that girl. And it was depressing and chaotic and also the most meaningful thing in my life. I felt alive, I felt like the world could surprise me, and while yes it was painful in some ways, it was also beautiful. I liked being so devoted to loving someone. I don’t want to do anything more, then to think about those memories, in all their beautiful sadness, for the rest of my life. An easy way to do that, is to cut your life short. I want to dream with her. Not just her, all my other friends too. I just want to go back, I didn’t know what I had. And I’m thankful I had it at all but, it’s just, idk. I can’t tell anyone about it, they either treat my emotions as meaningless or fall into a pit of despair. Is it so bad that I want someone to just, sit through this with me? To see the beauty in the fact that I feel something because something meant something to me. I was getting better. I have ADHD, GAD, MDD, with OCD and BPD tendencies. I finally got on stimulants. I’ve been able to regulate my emotions because of that. I don’t think that’s entirely a good thing. I don’t think I should be able to hide that, I’m thinking about killing myself. I’ve gone through DBT, CBT, inpatient care, all of it is yelling that I should reach out. But for what? So they tell me how silly what I feel as real as the rest of reality is? So they tell me how narcissistic I’m being? So their life quality decreases? It doesn’t seem right to me. It just seems better if I pack it up and just, don’t tell anyone. I used to tell people, I used to be the type of person to drive myself to the hospital because I knew I was in distress and I needed help but, after enough people tell you they don’t want to hear it, you get the message. I think everyone will be fine without me. I’m happy and satisfied with my life. I think that feeling this intensely anything, is worthy in it of itself. The universe may not provide meaning, but I’m okay if I die for an idea so arbitrary as love or the human condition. You’ll be okay mom. Vas a estar bien papa, te lo prometo. You’ll be okay Mat. You’ll be okay Mate. You’ll be okay Mil. I think that covers the only people who would care. You’ll be okay, I’m okay with this. You may see this as a miserable life but I find beauty in the fact that, in a world so indifferent, a person can mean this much to another person. I’m willing to die to make sure these feelings and experiences have a meaning beyond myself. I’m just tired. I’m too tired. I can’t keep going. It’s beautiful but like a human gazing at an angel I can’t comprehend it, and to comprehend it would be to relígate it to the world of man. This isn’t from the world of man. The love I feel for everyone is not something that deserves to be treated any less real than the rest of reality. I hope with this final act, I can at least forget about the question. I love you guys. I’m sorry.

Everything is boring now, barely anything brings me joy, Im always waiting for the moment to be done and over with do to....what exactly? Idk, I spend all my days on my phone fishing for notifications to get that sweet dopamine hit. I dont have the motivation or desire to play, to work, to eat. Almost everything sucks, or is boring, and draining. Im so bored all the time. I feel like this has been a thing for a while but it was much more dormant and less noticeable, but its been getting so much worse lately

I (18) can’t bring myself to start my life. I have crippling social anxiety, I dropped out of community college due to medical issues, and I can’t bring myself to do anything productive. I’m so deep in my executive dysfunction and chronic illness I barely feel like I’m human anymore. I wake up, maybe eat breakfast, brush my teeth, wash my face, doom scroll, and workout. I don’t leave my house alone, I can’t remember the last time I did. I actually don’t think I’ve ever left my home alone because of how bad my anxiety is. I put my ALL into succeeding academically, but none of that even mattered, because guess what?? I couldn’t apply to college! I was forced to settle for cc. I was too sick. I was too ill. I should’ve seen it coming when I couldn’t balance extracurriculars, school, and getting a job- social life was out the window anyways. My abandonment issues are literally so bad I’m too scared to make friends, because my brain thinks they’ll leave me inevitably. I’m a shell of who I used to be. I have zero friends, zero support system, and zero will to live any longer. Can’t call the suicide hotline right now, every time I call I just end up being more suicidal than before. I’m too socially awkward LMAO. I want to die so badly but I can’t do that to my family. I want to start living my life again instead of doomscrolling or staring at the wall everyday, but I feel completely paralyzed. Idek how to end this. Hi guys! I hate my life!! Thanks for reading!!!

ive been struggling with depression all my life. i have my bad days and my good days. normally i would have a friend or two that i always hung out with most weekends so it always made me feel significantly better at least for awhile. last year i lost two of my closest friends over stupid reasons. situations in which both would rather block me and stop talking to me than take accountability and work through it together. it was heartbreaking for me and I'm still not over it. i have one other irl friend and a couple online friends. but neither of the three really talk or text me as much so it feels like i have absolutely nobody. they all have friends or significant others they turn to so I'm never their first choice. i'm tired of constantly wondering if i matter and if i have friends or not. i'm in the worst point in my life right now financially, mentally, emotionally, etc. yet I don't have any one to turn to. i was in a small car accident this week and i keep thinking how i wish it killed me because none of my friends truly care. my depression has been much worse for months and it doesn't seem to get better. i think about dying multiple times a day. no one texts or calls unless they need something. my phone is dry asf. making new friends sounds exhausting and it's so hard nowadays. i just would rather die

Last few months I have had a lot of instances of crying uncontrollably for no reason. I haven’t noticed anything that triggers it, and I am not someone who normally cries much. It usually only lasts 5 to 10 minutes but sometimes I get a really long episode. Does anyone else have this issue and what causes yours? I am wondering if it might be stress, anxiety or maybe a medication. I am worried if I just mention it to my doctor that I will get the “you’re a girl that is what girls do” response.

I’ve been trying to find a post about someone describing depression as such a severe pain and sadness in the brain that it’s the feeling of someone you love died. I have these extreme depressive episodes that my brain and mind are in so much pain and sadness that it feels like my insides are going to explode. It’s so hard to describe the exact feeling of pain I have because it is so bad. I see some people say they feel numb or have no interest in doing things… I have all of those symptoms but on top of that I have these intense moments of so much mental pain that I cannot take it. My mind is just so distressed. It’s so hard to describe. I guess the best description I do have is the feeling of one of your loved ones dying but like the intensity of sadness is like a million times more. It’s unbearable. It’s absolutely gut wrenching. It’s so painful that if someone experienced this in a physical pain, their body would just die multiple times over and over again.

I really want to disappear from this earth. I can’t even provide everything I want to my family. I’ve made too many mistakes in my life I can’t go back and change. A while ago I tried to get help and I got on all these different medications. All they’ve done so far is just cause more problems, made me have more of an addictive and manic personality, lose myself in the process, lose a lot of time, bring a lot of shame to my family, myself, I just hate myself and I’m too embarrassed to continue on. The only reason I stay now is the very small chance I can make my parents and my partner happy and proud. Them safe and to be able to live with no stress and worries. I’m drowning in work. I’m drowning in my anxiety. I’m drowning deeper into losing myself. I can’t take a break. I can’t afford my surgery. Let alone testing or scans before I get my surgery. I hate myself for having done disgusting things in my life and how even though they were largely influenced by my medications side effects it’s all for me to take the blame. Im scared to even do anything to do anything because if I get sent to the hospital for depression again I lose hours at work and can’t provide for myself again. The world sickens me. Greed sickens me. I wish I could afford my surgery. I wish my parents could be stress free and retired. I wish I wasn’t here. I hate being alive.

I don’t know what to do anymore I’ve had a constant and constant agonizing battle with depression. It feels like a parasite eating me away. I’ve tried medication, fitness, therapy yet nothing. Even drugs don’t make me happy. I have no friends, nothing. How is it so easy for other people? I have such bad anxiety even making this post makes me feel anxious. I feel like a freak, like a weirdo. Everyone my age has a social circle yet I have nothing. I have so much love in me just for it all to mean nothing in the end. I feel repressed of my identity. I want to wear makeup I want to paint my nails, I want to express myself but I live in a town filled with judgement. I don’t know what else to do. Why is it so hard to find love? I just want love yet it feels so out of reach.

Its kinda over, depression has set off, nothing is fun, the things i loved i have quit, i cant work, im isolating myself even more, hygiene is non existent, all my joy is gone, my arms are covered, i hate myself, i hate looking in the mirror, staring at a dissapointment, a failure, a waste, ever present suicidal ideations, i hate being around people, all i want is to leave or just die, so yeah, it all kinds sucks

I'm 24 but today I felt like my life is over. I've been battling depression and loneliness for like 5 years. Some days it's harder, some days it's easier, almost good. Is it just because of who I am? Is my personality not fit for this life? Am I just too sensitive to live? I asked my mom to be gentler with me because I'm sensitive to criticism but instead she took it personally and said it's not normal to be this sensitive. I didn't want her to feel guilty, I just wanted her to be less hard on me, but apparently that's too much to ask. It made me feel totally rejected and unlovable, I burst into tears. I'm single with no friends, so that made me feel like the only person who cares about me rejected me. Lesson learned, not going to share anything personal with her anymore. I just feel totally abandoned and worthless. Life is too hard. I know my depression is lying to me, but it's still hard.

I just sit around and doom scroll all day. I drink everyday. I go on a walks to the liquor store whereas before I’d go on long walks just for fun. I used to be interested in watching informative documentaries. I no longer even do that. I just sit on my phone all day. I’m pretty distant from all my friends with the exception of like 3. And even that is virtual. I don’t initiate plans and when I do have plans I want to cancel them pretty much always. I’m proud of myself for not canceling though. I just feel like I’m slowly rotting away.