My brother killed himself three days ago. I don't know what to do with myself. He was only 17. He was a fucking baby. My baby. My baby brother is dead.

Me and my parents have known he was struggling since he was a kid. He was always a little different but I adore him. He's so smart and funny and loving. He left a note and I can't open it. It's got my name on it but I can't. The first line is "Don't be mad at me". How could I ever be mad at him? He was everything to me.

Milo dealt with bullying, harassment, and things I don't even know how a child his age stomached. He fought it with his head high. He fought to be at his dream school. He didn't let those fucking kids run him out the school. He fought his entire life. I feel so useless. Like maybe I could've had one more sit-down with him to change his mind, or maybe fuck up those fucking highschoolers myself and show him he had nothing to be afraid of.

It was all so sudden. I usually drive him to school whenever he's down, and he told me the night prior that he'd want me to drive him to school tomorrow instead of taking the bus. I said sure, and even woke up earlier to get him a sandwich that morning. I went to wake him up and he was gone. My baby brother was gone.

How did you folk get through the first week? I feel like my life is ending. I can't eat. I can't shower. My baby brother is gone. My baby brother was cold. How do I go to work when my baby brother is cold? Milo hated the cold. I feel like I'm going crazy. Nobody's touched his room, but I've been sleeping outside his door, hoping to god I'll hear his music blasting or something.

This can't be real.

My brother killed himself at the age of 20 just shy 3 months from his 21st birthday almost a month ago. None of this feels real. My parents found him. They refuse to tell me the details. I rushed home. We were just on call 2 hours prior when I heard his voice a little bit. We hadn’t spoken in 9 months. He iced everyone out. He finally got help like he promised me when I saw him at the beginning of the year. I was away for school, couldn’t come home for the summer because of school. He stopped calling me for the first time in years these past few months. I thought if I respected him and gave him the space he asked for he would get better. He finally did for awhile. My mom even told me he kept asking about me towards the end. Asking how I was and if I was okay. She told him I worried about him. He finally had so many goals he wanted to achieve. He’s always had crazy ambition and he turned his grades around, got more help, got better, smiled more, then it happened and my dad did CPR for an hour but everytime he’d stop my brother couldn’t hold on on his own. Eventually when the paramedics came and even after multiple attempts he was gone. When I came home, idk if people believe in spirits here but my third eye has always been open, I saw my brother in his room, and he gave me a hug and asked me what happened and why he couldn’t come back to life. Shortly after I experienced a really bright light in his room in the shape of a man asking my brother to come and follow him and it was dawn in the morning the sun hadn’t risen and I was sitting there in the dark. Maybe I’m crazy but I think God or Jesus came to take him home. But I knew immediately that he wasn’t coming back and when I told him I love him that was my goodbye. But it doesn’t hurt any less it hurts like hell. He fought so fucking hard I just wish i stopped school came home for the summer tell him that I would be here for everything. He had a scholarship and dreams was an athlete we would give him anything but the thoughts still consumed him. What do i even do. I feel like im carrying the burden of everyone around me and nobody understands. Everyday feels like im drowning and i don’t know where to grieve and i cant take another im sorry for your loss because me fucking too. I’m so fucking sorry for my loss too. He’s my baby brother, I knew he needed more than me and I happily let my parents give him all the attention, I thought if I stepped back and helped too then he would stay alive forever. He always told me he never wanted to die but he just wanted the thoughts to stop. I fucking hate it here.

It's been almost eight years since my sister died by suicide. After the first two years, something switched in my brain where I was like.. okay, I felt the pain, I know I will feel it again, but this loss doesn't need to define me anymore. So I think I just stopped thinking about it. I stopped thinking about her. If a picture of her came up in memories, I would feel panicky and quickly scroll past it. Her name feels almost forbidden to speak out loud. I usually just call her "my sister". I told myself it was for ease or clarity because I know multiple Taylors, but it's like someone took off my blinders and now I see that I've been avoiding her.

I'm not surprised. I avoided her when she was alive because the grief I feel about her has been lifelong, only becoming deeper and more final in death. She started drinking when she was 12 (I was 5) and it felt like most of my childhood was watching her self-destruct. In some ways, she was the sweetest person I knew and then she could turn around and be the meanest. There was nothing more special than being chosen by her. When she was available and present, it was such a gift. So much of the time, it felt like she just wanted to escape, to be anywhere but here. When she moved out, it was my first real heartbreak. But when she started self-harming and had to come back home, I started to hate her. Her behavior made me feel helpless and, as a teenager, my only response to that was anger.

Things got less chaotic when we were both adults. I was able to keep myself safe and I moved a few hours away from my family, only seeing them once or twice a year. She was still drinking a lot, but she also got her MBA and had kids and a good job. It's like she was successful and shiny during the day and then she would change into her shadow self at the drop of a hat. She would call me drunk and crying in the middle of the night and I would try to listen to her and comfort her but she would tell me I was judgmental and hang up on me. This happened countless times, until I felt completely depleted. Loving her was like loving a feral cat. The second it felt safe and it felt like we were making progress, I got bit and I found it hard to trust her. I didn't know how to love her in a way she could receive. She had attempted suicide multiple times before finally succeeding. I was so tired of hoping things would get better. I was in recovery at the time and I would invite her to meetings, but not follow up. She met someone new and she told me but not anyone else. I still loved that feeling of being chosen. But then they ended up doing heroin together. When they broke up, she ended her life and wrote him a note telling him it was his fault. She had texted me that night and asked me to come over, but I had long since started putting my phone on DND to avoid the drunk calls. It hurts to say it. It hurts to remember it. I wish all of it had been different.

And now I'm here. With all this. With a lifetime of loving this woman and feeling helpless as I watched her self-destruct. I don't really know why I'm writing this, but I also know that there is a mountain of unprocessed grief that feels like a thousand pounds of weight on my chest. And even if this helps me shed a tiny bit, I'm grateful.

Her birthday is coming up in a couple weeks. She was 33 when she died, and I'll be turning 34 next month. I forced myself to look at a picture of her yesterday, to watch an old video of her with her son. It all feels surreal and like my relationship with her was in another life, or just a dream. I don't want to keep avoiding her, avoiding the trauma of her death and all the grief of loving her. I want to face it, but I don't know if I have the strength or the consistent willingness. I'm tired of living in this alternate dimension where a huge chunk of my heart is walled off and I have one sister instead of two and I just bury myself in books and sports and podcasts and work and exercise to avoid feeling the anger and the regret and the pain of loving her.

Because I did love her. I do love her. And I don't want to forget that it was/is real. Even if it hurts.

6 months on losing dad to suicide and I am never sure things are getting ‘better’. Grief is non linear, and as much as I logically accept this; my body is struggling daily to cope with the weight of this grief on my nervous system. It’s been months of sadness, and now lots of anger, overwhelm, shutdown . I am frustrated at everything that has been left to deal with, and I was already struggling before losing him with my own mental health challenges.
He was always so frustrated at the thought of me killing myself. I feel betrayed in ways, even though my heart gets it and feels nothing but love. There is no reconciling this. A good friend told me that asking why will lead me no where. But it’s the only question ask, it’s an answer-less void of just keeping on and wondering how? and wondering why? for myself, also.

My dad gave me a security I never understood until it was gone. I feel now that all I want to do is find a cave to escape in and relax. Being around my close ones feel only exhausting. Trying to become normal again feels a slog of. Everything is still overstimulating and overwhelming to process.. I lose the ability to process words and regulate my body. Trying to stay present, reading, gardening. Grief is a mess. Right? I just hope there is slithers of joy amongst it.

like how can this be real? It’s such an infinite amount of pain. It lasts all the time and I can’t imagine it going away in a decade. Anyone else feel similar like we’re in a fucking simulation and we’re just created to feel pain? I could’ve sworn in the last few years I was finally getting better after all these decades, and then it was just ripped away by my negligence, and now I just think about suicide 24/7

I wish people were trained about suicide all over the world and they knew what to look for they knew how to help, they knew who to call, and they knew to involve everybody not just one or two people like every single person. Every person should know about the suicidal stuff.

like if you’re a partner dealing with this, please do not keep this shit a secret… so goddamn stupid of me to deal with it alone

I wish life had savepoints… let me reload a really old one.

hello, fellow reddit people. i just want to let my feelings out because everything feels so heavy right now, and all i want to do is cry and cry until i have nothing left in me.

today was supposed to be my anniversary with my boyfriend - 3 fucking years but he passed away on august 5 of this year. it hurts so much, and honestly, a part of me feels so angry at him, too. we were supposed to celebrate this day together. we were both looking forward to our anniversary, but in the blink of an eye, he was gone, and now i'm left here to face this day alone. i feel so much resentment and pain because he took his own life, and i can't help but feel helpless knowing that there was nothing i could do to stop it. i keep thinking about how we were supposed to have more anniversaries together, more memories to make, and more years to spend loving each other. but now, i'm left with all these feelings and memories, trying to figure out how to live in a world where he's no longer here.

fuck, it just hurts so much. i miss him, i'm angry, i'm heartbroken, and i don't even know what to do with all these emotions. sometimes, the pain gets so unbearable that i find myself wishing i could just follow him, too. i know i have so much hurt inside me, and i don't know how to carry it anymore. i just wish he were still here. i wish we could celebrate our anniversary together, just like we planned.

I wrote this knowing it's mostly about my own life and my own pain, and I know that might sound selfish when she's the one who's gone. But I have nowhere else to put it, so please bear with me.

I'm sorry, English isn't my first language. I don't even know where to start. Everything in my life is falling apart at the same time and I just can't hold it anymore.

I'm 18. My sister was 15. Recently she took her own life.

I've been suicidal since I was very young. I used to think about ending things all the time, and I never did it because I was too scared. And then she was the one who did it. The last person I ever expected. Her, not me. I still can't make that make sense.

I started uni this year in a different city, and I barely go home because I'm always busy. I got the news while I was there, alone, in a place where I don't know anyone. I called everyone. Nobody picked up. Nobody. And the friends I thought I was close with? They didn't give a fuck about me. Not a single one of them. That's when it hit me that if something happens to me, there's really no one. I've always told myself I was fine being alone, that I've been alone since I was a kid. It turns out that's easy to say until the day you actually need someone.

That day was a blur. I cried the whole way. I'm new there, I don't know how anything works, and I got so lost trying to get home. I just wanted to be with my family and I couldn't even do that right.

I've been home for a while now and I still can't go back. I can't focus on anything. Before all this I was already drowning with money problems and uni, feeling stupid, feeling like I didn't belong anywhere. Now I'm home and she's in every single thing. We liked the same songs, the same movies, the same games. I can't escape her and I can't enjoy anything either. Now I hate all of it. Sometimes it still feels like a dream, like there's no way she's gone. I know she's still here, alive and well, and I trick my mind into thinking maybe she just went abroad or something.

And the worst part is I keep telling myself it's my fault. We weren't that close lately. She'd block me, then unblock me, and I brushed it off because I used to do the same thing at her age. I thought she was just being a grumpy teenager. I got bullied too even until now, so I told myself it was normal. I was so sure it was normal. And now she's gone, and I'll never get to go back and look closer. I should've been more present. I should've asked, I should've talked to her more. I should've...

Only my close family knows how she died. My parents don't want anyone else to know, because where I live this is a very, very sensitive subject. People gossip, they judge, they call it a sin. So I can't talk to anyone I know. Not friends, not neighbors, nobody. I'm carrying this completely alone, and on top of that some people who knew her are making up stories, saying my parents tortured her. That makes me so angry I can't breathe. She was bullied by her own friends since she was little, and she still had so many fake friends around her. And they're the ones talking now? My parents and I tried everything for her. Maybe not enough. I don't know. I hate that I don't know.

She left a letter. It wasn't even about the bullying. And she didn't really mention me. Not once. I can't stop thinking about that, that maybe I wasn't important enough to be in it, it just show that I don't.. I don't try hard enough to be in her life. But was that really the matter? Because... I feel like, everything I do reminds me of when she used to be here and spend time with me, we play, we talk and other stuff. Though yeah she's more harder to talk lately she'd left bitter comments and often told me to shut up everytime I try to engage with her. The last time I saw her, I didn't know it was the last time.

I keep thinking I must have too many sins and this is my punishment. But hours before she died, I was praying. I almost never pray, but that day I felt like I had to. I don't know what that means. I don't know what any of it means.

I thought the hurt would fade. It hasn't been long, I know, but it's getting worse, not better. Sometimes I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to keep going like this. And I know how this sounds, like I'm making it about me, but I can't help comparing us. She was the funny one, the popular one, the one everyone loved. My parents spoiled her. I've done almost everything on my own since the day she was born, and I always felt like we lived in different worlds. She had everything I wanted, and I still never wanted this for her. I would've given anything for her to keep all of it.

I'm trying to be strong for my parents. I hold them, I comfort them, I tell them it'll be okay. But who's holding me? Nobody understands my grief because nobody knows how she really died, and I'm not allowed to tell them. And it kills me that I'm going to miss her for so much longer than I even got to know her.

I'm sorry this is so long. I have no one to talk to, and I'm not someone who talks about my problem to other people in real life. That's why I'm writing it here, where nobody knows me. If you read this far, thank you.

I recently had an experience talking with another survivor that said that they already knew what it happened when the authorities showed up to tell them.

I had a similar experience, but it wasn’t the authorities. It was just people I knew. And I already knew what was happening.

Has anybody else had their experience?

Edit: I don’t mean that we were witnesses or knew about any plans, but we instinctively knew what was going to happen so we weren’t surprised. In fact we had a gut reaction to the fact that someone was coming to our house in a certain way.

In June, my stepdad passed away. He had a history of heart problems, so I assumed he had died of a heart attack. My mom never told me otherwise, and I had no reason to think anything different. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I found out the truth. After seeing her therapist, my mom called me and told me that he had actually taken his own life. I had spent the past few months believing one thing, only to find out much later that the circumstances of his death were completely different.

I feel like I’m grieving all over again. I’m thousands of miles away from my family, and I don’t have many close friends here. Whenever I try to talk about what I’m going through, it seems like my “friends” don’t know what to say and would rather change the subject. So I’m left sitting with all these feelings, trying to process everything on my own, 24/7. And honestly, it’s really hard.

I’ve been taking care of Mom since you left. She’s struggling a lot but we’re getting by. I wish you were here because I could use a lot of advice right now and I don’t have anyone to turn to. I’m genuinely lost right now and helping Mom out has turned into an almost full time job for me.

I dreamt of you last night. I was trying to bring you somewhere and we were holding hands. I could feel your calloused fingers intertwined with mine and I’ll hold onto that feeling forever. But you slowly slipped away and I lost you in the dark.

You were harsh at times but I will always love you and miss you.

Hallo,

mein Papa hat sich letztes Jahr das Leben genommen. Die Gründe dafür kennen wir bis heute nicht.

Nun zu meinen eigentlichen Gedanken…ich sehe meine Angehörigen bis heute stark darunter leiden bei mir war es jedoch nie so. Es fällt mir immer schwerer mein Mitgefühl auszudrücken da ich es einfach nicht nachvollziehen kann. Ich weiß, das klingt schrecklich aber es belastet mich einfach nicht. Ich hatte keine schlechte Beziehung zu meinem Papa, aber auch keine besonders emotionale. Eine liebevolle Kindheit hatte ich nicht da ich dies nie einforderte und wenn es von meinen Eltern aus ging war ich sehr damit überfordert und blocke das immer weitestgehend ab.

Vielleicht etwas Kontext zu meiner Persönlichkeit zeige ebenfalls psychische Auffälligkeiten in Richtung Autismus und ADHS. Diagnostiziert wurde das jedoch nie weil mir der Weg dahin einfach zu aufwändig ist und ich es einigermaßen (glaube ich zumindest) im Griff habe. Ich bekomme das zwar immer wieder von meiner Freundin mitgeteilt, dass mit mir etwas nicht stimmt und auch von meiner Mama die mir bei einem beiläufigen Gespräch mal erzählte, dass ich in der Kindheit bereits verhaltensauffällig war.

Gibt es hier eventuell Personen die nach einem Suizid eines Angehörigen das Gleiche versprühten und wie seid ihr damit umgegangen. Ich traue mich mit niemandem darüber zu reden weil ich nicht wie ein komplettes arschloch dastehen will.

Falls das hier nicht rein passt bitte löschen aber ich wusste nicht wo ich sonst um Rat fragen kann.

Mi esposo este año en Julio 2026 se quitó la vida como le asen ustedes o sobrevivir estos días festivos Halloween, thanksgiving y navidad como le asen yo estoy mal nose como reacionar tengo un Nino de 8 años el si está emocinado que quiere celebrate Halloween yo solo quisiera dormir asta que el año pase y vuelva todo otra vez sin nada de holidays estoy cansada

Bueno estoy abrumada con todo mi esposo se quitó la vida en Julio 2026 teníamos problemas por sus comportamientos pero en fin ahora el se fue me dejó cargando con todo sus problemas y me dejó con hijo de 8 años el si tuve el derecho de desidir si morir o vivir y ahora siento que sobrevivo con todo esto estoy mal ala verdad quisisera gritarle y desirle porq lo hiso en final le dijo a su familia todos los problemas que teníamos ahora su familia me hecha la culpa de lo Que paso con el nose si fue venganza de el dejarme así pero ahora tengo que sobrevivir por El Niño

​

At the end of August my bf of 20nyrs decided to unsubscribe from life with no warning and it has upheaved everything in my life....we bought a house 5 yrs ago but it was in his name..we never married and Florida doesn't recognize common law marriages so I have no legal right to anything...but here's the fucked up thing...his family and I have been on good terms..until this...they came over 3 days after and basically just wanted to take anything to make a quick buck...it's been a few months and they won't return my texts or calls..and won't even give me a date for a service...I don't understand where this hostility is coming from...oh...and now I have to move out of my house because his parents don't want to sign it over to me nor do they want to do probate...I'm trying to be sympathetic...she lost her son...but at the end of the day...I lost my person and don't have that option anymore...I just don't know how I should handle the situation....truly baffled..

My beautiful, loving, kind, caring daughter in law took her own life today by overdose. She left behind her beautiful 4 month old baby boy, her loving husband and best friend, and her loving and supportive in laws. She suffered from postpartum depression but we thought she had turned a corner and was feeling better. Her mood had improved and she seemed so much better. She wanted some time to get rested because of being with the baby all the time and went to a hotel to catch up on sleep while we watched the baby. She had done this before and it really relaxed and rejuvenated her. After not checking in, I drove to the hotel and insisted they open her room where I found her unresponsive. She must have been there like that for a while. I tried to find life in her but she was obviously long gone. It was the most devastating and crushing thing I have experienced. I am a veteran and a retired leo and have seen much more gruesome death but my DIL’s suicide hit so much differently, so much harder. It was beyond any pain I have ever experienced. It was soul crushing. My son is devastated, as you would expect, and we, as her in laws, are as well. I feel so much grief and pain for him and for their son, who is barely 4 months old. I don’t know what to say or do to explain this to him as he grows older. She loved him so very much and I can’t comprehend how she could leave him, even though I understand the pain and suffering of her depression. We would have done anything to help and support her through her depression, but we didn’t get the chance. I have such a feeling of guilt that I did not see the signs that led to this and an enormous sense of failure for not protecting my family. I - we - are crushed and I am not sure how to move forward. That little baby lost his beautiful, loving mother and it breaks my soul.

hi guys, l am struggling a lot at the moment. basically, a girl from my school in the year below committed suicide on May 6th this year, and i found out on May 7th (also my birthday so im worried if i will never be able to stop reliving the day). it was a random school day and she had gone missing on the 6th, but i was in my first period chemistry lesson, and I saw her bestfriend crying in the corridor and i went to my teacher is she dead and she just went 'yes' and i was just so devastated. i had big exams starting on the 11th so I never got time to process it and now I think i am.

she committed on a bridge right next to me so i drive past it every day and one of my close friends was bestfriends with her. i feel so guilty but recently I cannot get her out of my head and at school we're doing mental health stuff and i just walk out crying because I can't stop thinking about how she felt in her last moments and I keep on imagining her jumping and how her parents reacted and the paramedics. I wish I would've spoken to her more and I can't beleive she's really dead. She keeps on appearing in my dreams and then I convince myself I should write letters incase anything happens to me and I imagine how sad my own family would be.

I didn't speak to her much but i grew up around her and she lived by me, so i saw her a lot. I feel really guilty for feeling this way, as my friends who are close to her are obviously struggling a lot more and I don't want to seem like I am attention seeking, hence the post.

Does this still count as grief? I am so confused honestly because I only used to smile at her in corridors and see her out and about yet l am so affected by it and I feel so guilty

When discussing my mother’s death, I always feel this weird frog in my throat once I say she killed herself. People look at me shocked, and without words. Their attempt at connection is met with the horror that, in fact, my loss is not the same as theirs. I feel wrong if I don’t tell people how she died, in the same token. I feel like I’m not bringing awareness not only to myself and the suffering her ultimate punishment to her family has brought, but also to those with friends and family with mental issues. What do you guys say whenever this happens? How do you keep responding to the “I’m so sorry”’s? It feels cheap to keep saying “oh well she’s in a better place/ not suffering.” I’m sorry for the rambling. 8 months later and I still miss my fucking mom.

my friend (I’ll call him G) committed suicide this morning. He had called me on Monday and left me a lovely voice message and I told him I will call him today. But he passed before I got a chance to. Him and I live in different states. I received a call from one of his friends and he let me know they have an email from him that is very concerning.. well you can put two and two together. He’s gone now. I have lost people before. But not to suicide. I don’t really know how to deal with this. All day I’ve been in a fog. In and out of tears. Nothing feels real. I feel so sad for not calling him back early…

wasnt her birthday or an anniversary or anything. today was just such a drag

people have begun to act like i should have ”gotten over it” by now. the hell you mean “GET OVER” IT???? you think im ever going to get over it?? fuck you let me bitch about it for the rest of my life

and yet they think they have priorities? i can’t stand people caring so much about their grades or relationships ending these days. all this emphasis on being a good student and colleges. wouldn’t matter if you decided to leave everything behind and just end it like she did

NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR “FUTURE PLANS” AT LEAST YOUR SISTER DIDN’T KILL HERSELF SHE ISN’T GETTING ANY OF THAT

NONE OF THAT MATTERS

i sound like such a pathetic mean spirited piece of shit with no one in my life

whatever it’s true

i know probably no one will really read this but i need to get all of this shit out.

my boyfriend passed away on saturday. the coroner is still determining the official cause of death but he had attempted 2 weeks beforehand and sent me a text that night at 2:34am saying he loved me. i feel so fucking guilty. i had been trying to support him but he was so ashamed and embarrased about it all. he was so resistant to getting help or talking about it that i thought it would be easier for him to recover if i let him take it at his own pace and not constantly bother him about returning the mental health support teams calls and making doctors appointments and opening up to me and having difficult conversations about his drinking and his job. he was so apologetic and worried about me and worried id think about him differently that i thought it would be better for him to feel some sense of normalcy afterwards so i just spent time with him and we had fun and went to the beach to collect sea glass and went op shopping and found a beautiful sky blue 80s suit he said he'd wanted for ages. and because he seemed so happy and i would ask and he would say he was doing fine i started to relax a little bit. i went back to work for a couple shifts. i went to class and stressed about my assignment. and then bam.

the worst part is if i try and think about it as rationally as possible, i dont think he wanted to die when he was sober. i do think he was happy when we were together. he told me all the time. i have to believe that, right? after the attempt 2 weeks ago he kept saying how stupid he had been, how dumb it was, blah blah. as if he would never even consider it again. but i just think when he was so drunk and alone late at night after working a long shift at his shitass job, sleep deprived and with no break or food that his mind was just different. that everything came crashing down and he couldn't think straight and everything seemed awful and hopeless.

the day before he died we went to get icecream and i accidentally let it slip that i had cried in class that week because of the stress and sadness and confusion of everything and he felt so bad. i didn't reassure him enough that i didn't blame him. that it wasn't like that. that i would cry in 1000 classes to have him here. that i was just overwhelmed. but that i loved him so much. i knew he felt like a burden and i didn't make it clear enough that i did not feel that way about him at all. that was one of the last conversations we had in person. and im so scared and i pushed him to this. that he was trying to protect me from future pain. because all he really wanted to do was make me happy and i was so fucking selfish. i was supposed to be taking care of him and i failed.

i miss him so much. i don't want to go through life without him. his mum told me that there will always be a hole there but that things will start to fill in around it. that life and happiness will still happen and slowly the hole starts to feel less gaping. but i dont want anything to happen without him. i dont want my life to keep moving. i dont want to feel happy without him. it feels like such a betrayal. i'm so afraid of forgetting him. i already can't remember his favourite number. or what he smelt like. or how many freckles he had on his face. i dont want to lose him by moving on.

Mi esposo se quitó la vida en Julio 2026 eh estado kiddo todos estos tiempos con ansiedad desde que despierto asta que me acuesto no puedo pensar bien con lo que hizo estoy enojada triste pero siento mi cuerpo que colapsa cada día se pone mas difícil no lo supero usted me recomiendas solo terapia o también Que valla a un sicologo que me pastillas yo quiero funcionar bien porque tengo un hijo de 8 años y así no puedo mi cuerpo se pierde cada día

I miss hoping he was in a healthy relationship. That he had a job he liked. That he was taking care of himself. That he started driving. That he was being responsible. That he was still passionate and goofy. I miss having hope that he was happy and healing. I miss having hope that he was doing well. I miss having any kind of hope for him at all.

I’m so tired of this messy and confusing grief.

I like expressing my feelings with poems sometimes. This is dedicated to Violet.

Think about the darkest, deepest, most sinking feeling you’ve experienced
Now think about the lightest, the brightest, the happiest
Both of these go hand in hand
One cannot exist without the other
With joy comes despair in tandem
With love comes grief
But the pain we feel is the price we pay for unconditional love
And even throughout the sorrow, through the tears and the hopelessness,
I would not trade a second of the time I spent with you
The love I had for you
The happiness your presence gave me
Having known you makes missing you worthwhile

My younger brother killed himself 13 years ago today. He was 16 and had been struggling for a few years with mental health. I feel like it was so taboo to openly talk about mental and so much has changed the last 13 years. Makes me wonder how it would be now. It was one of the worst days of my life, but I feel like it shaped who I was and how I decided to live my life. And the man I am now and the family I am raising now and directly tied to how I dealt with that.

I miss him dearly and truly wish my wife and child could have met him.

They say time heals all, but for me that’s only partly true.