My 2 year old daughter valkyrie was murdered on January 18th by her mother's boyfriend they are both in jail but im lost and need people to talk to

I’m so sorry about this rambling, I just needed to write this off my chest and this was the only place I could think of.

The thing is I just don’t know how to cope with my grief anymore. I just can’t do it anymore. I know I have to go on with my life but everything feels so unbearable.

On the 1st of june last year I lost my big brother to some really stupid bycicle accident. He was 31 and I was 22. He just got ripped out of our lives and from this world and yet somehow I have to accept that. I have to accept that he is not here anymore. That I have to life the rest of my life without him. That I am nobody’s sister anymore because somehow, with his death, it feels like that title got stolen from me.

Now, a little over a year later, I still don’t know what to do. Things don’t get better and I don’t get better.

How do I go on? I miss my big brother so much.

I (19F) just lost my dad today to complications with Signet Ring Cell Adenocarcinoma and Crohn's Disease. I watched him take his very last breath and I watched his heart stop. He finally let go after over 4 days in active death. I sobbed so hard I felt myself go deaf. One of the last things he did was asked me if I could hear him and told me that he loved me in perfect clarity, when he had only been able to groan. All I can think about is how much I miss him and have been missing him since I found out he had cancer in March. I just want my dad back. I'm not ready to live my life without him. He would always tell me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. He was and is the strongest person I know. He fought until the very end. The photo above was taken when I left the hospice home after his passing. I want to think he moved heaven and earth to make sure I knew he said his proper goodbye.

I’m not gonna do anything. I could never do that to my family. But I wish o could die.
Living without my husband is torture. I’ve been hollering his name and screaming for him to come back to me.
I would give anything to see him again.
It’s been 5 months. I’m exhausted of living. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want him back.
I just needed to say this.
Thank you for reading.

Ps, how can this group have no spouse loss flair? That’s fucking crazy

Hi everyone,

My dad died at around 3.50am this morning, and I keep replaying his death in my head.

Please be aware that the details below may be upsetting, so only read on if you feel comfortable.

My dad was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in November 2025. Over the last few months, he had deteriorated, was in a lot of pain and could no longer leave his bedroom. He had also developed blood clots in his lung and arm.

On 5 October, he collapsed at home, struggling to breathe, and his blood pressure kept dropping. We called an ambulance and found out he had a bleed in his lung caused by the blood thinners he had started a few weeks earlier for the clots. He already had a drain for fluid building up around his lung which had started a few months prior, but the new blood had blocked the drain so fluid kept building in the lung.

His time in hospital was difficult, with lots of promises and glimpses of hope about surgery to remove the congealed blood, unblock the drain and allow him to restart blood thinners. On the 9th, we were told he wouldn’t survive the surgery and that they were taking him off the blood thinners and there was nothing more we could do. He moved to a hospice a couple of days ago, where his pain increased. We were told he's likely to die by coughing up blood.

This morning, I spoke to him at around 3am when he woke up, and he drifted off again. At about 3.30am, I heard thrashing about in the bed and saw him anxiously trying to reach the alarm. I pressed it for him and tried to reassure him.

He couldn’t speak, his eyes were wide. When I asked whether he was in pain, he turned his head to the side, which I took to mean no. He tried to speak again, but only moans came out. They became louder, and he seemed distressed at being unable to talk. He reached for my hand, and I reassured him that the nurses were there and checking him. He looked at the nurse when she asked him to look at her.

I stepped out for about a minute and a half to call my mum, sister and uncle and ask them to come to the hospice urgently. When I returned, the nurse told me he didn’t have long left. His eyes had drooped, and he wasn’t moving around as much.

I held his hand, stroked his head and kissed him, telling him, “You’re okay. We love you so much. You’re safe, you’re not alone, and Mum and (my sisters name) are on their way.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I kept repeating those things. I also talked about his favourite book series and how I was reading it, and the family dog. I think I talked about those for too long and not enough to reassure him, as I was still in a panic myself and couldn't think straight.

After he hadn’t taken a breath for a while, I asked the nurse, “Is he still alive?” She said yes and encouraged me to keep talking to him. I hope he didn’t hear me ask that. He died shortly afterwards.

I still don’t know what caused such a sudden change—whether a clot travelled to his brain or something else happened. I’m hoping to speak to the doctor tomorrow to understand what they think happened, whether he might have felt pain or fear (and if he did how long it may have lasted for) and whether he could still hear me talking to him at the end.

I’m in shock and keep replaying those few minutes when he seemed frightened and couldn’t speak. I’m looking for some reassurance, but also honesty, about what he might have experienced. I need the doctor to confirm this, even as a best guess, or I dont think I can process to the next stage of grieving without knowing. I am crying constantly and thinking about how he died, rather than necessarily upset that he died at this stage. My poor dad didn't deserve this.

I am also getting health anxiety, worried about me or my other loved ones dying the same way, as it seemed traumatic. Just thinking he was scared breaks me.

Thank you for reading and for any thoughts you can share. I’m so sorry to everyone else here who is going through grief also.

i lost my partener 3 weeksago nothing i do is helping his family blames me i am a mess i dont want to be here without him i really dont and i dont know how to go on i love him so much i dont want to be without him

(The picture is from 2 years ago btw)

hi,it’s me again…I lost another important person in my life this year. This time,it was my extended family’s old dog,Angie. We had her from 2015 to 2026 (11 years.) she was 16 years old and actually lived PAST her expected lifetime (pitbull mix). She was such an amazing dog and I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle that she’s gone :(

she was put to sleep earlier this morning according to my mama,right around the time me and my brother were getting ready for school. She said she didn’t tell us it because she didn’t want us to be in a sad mood the entire day. (We found out right as we got home. I immediately started crying)

around 6:34PM,on our way to something related to my brother,we saw a rainbow…I immediately thought it was her saying her final goodbyes to us.

Angie,you were the best cow-dog ever and I’ll always love and remember you,Moo-Moo.

i’ll always love you Angie.

4/8/2010 (or 2015)-10/16/2026. The best Cow-Dog ever. love you Moo.

We found out a year ago my daughter has CLN2 Batten disease. It’s horrific. As it progresses she’ll lose the ability to walk,talk,see, swallow and suffer from childhood dementia then death in early childhood. I’ve kept strong this long supporting my family (partner and two little girls the younger of whom is sick) but I can feel myself fracturing.

I’ve got my own personal traumas and am in the process of being diagnosed with complex ptsd but I’ve always been good at compartmentalising but it’s like I can feel all these emotions are seeping out of me and the grief and despair is endless. I’ve tried meds, counselling, nothing helps. I can’t sleep, feel like my body is running on fumes 24/7.

My partner is suffering from panic attacks now and when she does she tries to hurt herself so I have to be on constant alert to make sure she’s okay, constant alert to make sure the children feel safe and it’s just taken so much out of me but my only option is to keep going when all I want is to rest but her disease won’t slow down it will just keep progressing and getting worse and worse.

I’m dreading the day she loses her sight. She’s scared of the dark and I won’t be able to do anything to help her.

I still can't believe you're gone McKay...

Days like these are extra rough. I feel like I don't deserve happiness.

What should I do? She was going to school. She was bettering her life. All of that was taken from her by some fuckass man that she chose to be with. Im so angry. Why couldnt she have been in the hospital instead? Why did she have to be dead? I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Why? Why?

It has to be a prank. It's all an elaborate prank and she'll be back tomorrow. I promise.

My councellor tells me I may have PTSD. My brain cannot comprehend it. It doesn’t feel right…”PTSD”, it’s something dark and spiky and scary. Sometimes I get flashes of images even when my eyes are open. They don’t always scare me anymore, I just feel “dead”, numb, disconnected, like looking at an object that I’ve seen a thousand times. I remember the face of the paramedic and the police who came by, their hair, their face, the way they approached me like they had a sense of uncertainty or fear that they’d say the wrong thing. It’s been 3 years and I still find my body awake before I am. No matter how tired I feel or what time it is, my body wakes me up to check if the person next to me is still breathing. Sometimes I wake up in a panic, sometimes I react before I even know what I’m doing. It’s compulsive. I can’t sleep till I know they’re still breathing.

I feel so much guilt for what I should’ve done, I feel so guilty for being angry at them for being drunk before they suffered a heart attack. I feel so guilty for stepping away after I found them that morning and thinking to myself I should go out anyway and deal with it later. Why? I mean, I didn’t, I went back and called emergency services. I’ll never forget the smell of the house that day. You know when you walk into a new place and it just a certain smell, not necessarily unpleasant, just distinguishable. I lived in that house for years and for the first time ever, I noticed the smell and I can never forget it. Any time I step in, it still burns my nose and my mind burns with the memory it brings.

What do you even do with all of this? The guilt is so heavy, no one knows I’ve been feeling this way. I’ve carried it every single day. It weighs down on my shoulders and my chest just feels so heavy like I’m being pushed or dragged down. My brain keeps telling me now that maybe the people around me secretly blame me for it too.

Just a vent post but if anyone would like to share their story or offer advice, it’s most welcome

In May of last year, I lost my little brother to an accidental tragedy—autoerotic asphyxiation. With my dad already gone for five years, his death stripped away an entire identity: I am nobody’s sister anymore, an only child holding the pieces of a family that used to be full.

I look back at the years before and feel a burning resentment toward myself for ever taking them for granted. My life now isn’t ruined on paper, I am married, l live the life I dreamed I would as a kid; but I never built a blueprint for a world without him in it. I am angry, shattered, and confused. The only truth that keeps my feet on the floor every morning is knowing he would never forgive me if I gave up on living. That, and a heartbreaking prayer I never imagined carrying: that my mother goes before I do, so she never has to endure surviving her husband, her son, and her last living child

Hi all

I hope my post doesn’t offend anyone or isn’t seen as disrespectful. I have gone through this page and seen a lot of people post pictures of husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends and even kids. I am truely sorry for your loss :(

Yesterday at approximately 10.15am I lost my male 5 nearly 6 year old fit, healthy super fast indoor BSH CAT.

I’m a 47 year old guy that is and has always been mentally very strong, but this has ripped my heart out, compelled torn me to pieces.

He wasn’t just a cat to me, he was my baby boy. My partner and couldn’t have kids after years of trying, so we replaced the not having human kid to have a feline baby.

He was my world. All day I’d think about what he’s doing, how I’m going to annoy him when I get home and often I’d have to have little chats about his bullying behaviour at times when he’d try push me around in the company of my partner.

Every morning at 5am he’d go sit low on my partners chest asking for pats. As I’m an early riser, as soon as he’d see my eyes open, he’d jump off the bed resort me down stairs to give him his big breakfast

He’d smash his paw into his bowl when he wanted more food, we have a matter house and constantly he’d be sprinting inside.

I’ve never felt pain like this before. I truly don’t know how I’ll survive.
We got him at a time when we finally had to give up trying for kids through IVF, we got home when we finally shut our businesss after being stuck (couldn’t leave couldn’t sell) Ian 6 year lease which ended Dec 31 2020. He was our gods gift Dec 24 2020

I have cried all day since yesterday, I have asked myself will I ever be able to overcome this pain.

I haven’t eaten in 2 days, bad stomach ache, painful headache and life at the moment just doesn’t seem important.

He was found 15 mins after I last saw him on the bed, what looked like peacefully sleeping but unresponsive.

My partner is a mess, im a mess and his brother from the same family has also been crying and looking around the house all day.

Im going to have a strong sleeping tablet tonight to attempt to sleep off some pain. I’d love for it to all be a dream

Kitty from above, if you’re watching down, we love you and are distraught without you

Am I wrong for being absolutely furious about this?
My baby niece has leukemia. She’s not even two years old. My family is living through an absolute nightmare right now, and I’m doing everything I can to support my sister and help my niece get through this.
I am devastated. I’m scared. I’m exhausted. And I’m trying to hold myself together while a literal baby fights cancer.
Then Ben decides to come into my comments with these opinions. I had also posted several posts breaking the news to my followers about her diagnosis, and I posted her go fund me. Not a single word of sympathy. Not a single “I’m sorry your family is going through this.” Nothing kind. Just unsolicited commentary at a time when I am already emotionally shattered.
And honestly, what the actual fuck?
You don’t have to agree with me. You don’t have to share my perspective. But how do you see someone going through something this horrific and not have the basic human decency to lead with a little compassion?
I’m not asking strangers on the internet to agree with everything I say. I’m asking why some people seem so desperate to voice their opinions that they can’t even pause for two seconds to recognize another person’s pain.
A baby is fighting leukemia. My family is terrified. And you thought THIS was the moment to come at me with your opinions?
I’m posting the screenshots because I genuinely want outside perspectives on this. Am I overreacting, or was this as insensitive and unnecessary as it felt?
Because I cannot imagine approaching someone in the middle of a family cancer crisis this way. I just can’t.

I understand that it happened 9 years ago. I know that. But I hate the name of the disorder, and I hate how my doctor worded it, saying how this was "definitely the case." I hate all of this. Nothing has felt right since it happened. I hate having another diagnosis added to the list, especially in relation to my dads death. MDD, PTSD, and now PGD. I hate it. I feel like I should feel better because I have the words and the diagnosis to prove why I still feel bad, but I just feel worse. "Complicated grief." I don't think its complicated. I was 6 and my dad overdosed right in front of me and I was locked alone with his body for 4 days.

Its not complicated. I'm 16 and my dad is dead. He's still just gone. I don't understand how I'm meant to get over that. And I feel like nobody can possibly understand, at least no one my age that I know. When people try to relate to me about it, its always about their grandparents who passed from old age or something along those lines. I've had more than one person bring up their dead pets or that they broke up with their partner. I understand that those are their own forms of grief completely and they're valid. I just don't understand why people bring it up to me when my dad comes up. I don't even want to talk about my dad to these people. I do, but I don't want them to know that he's gone. I want to talk about him in the present tense. It isn't fair.

I think that its harder now. I understand how bad it was now. Sometimes I feel okay, and accept that this is my life, but then I'm reminded that I genuinely do have PTSD. I don't think I started to realize how fucked up what happened was until recently. I babysit my baby cousins sometimes, and I look at them, and I realize I was their age when I was all alone in that house with my dad. I was the youngest in the family until them, and I only ever babysat toddlers before them so its a new feeling. I always just accepted that that was just something that happened to some kids. Some kids watch their dad die, end of story. But now I look at them and how they really just can't do anything, you know? Like I have to help them with everything, they really are just babies still. And I think about how I was no different than them at all.

I don't know how to live with it. It really was bad. I'm skipping school again. I started having dreams where he's still alive again and nightmares about when it happened. It makes getting up and going to school harder, because I wake up feeling so bad. It all just feels pointless. Whenever I try to get myself to do something, its just like, fuck my dads dead. And then I don't want to do anything. Or I think about my grades and my plans for after high school, and I remember that everything that I do, every single day, is because of how my dad died, or the fact that he died, or to make him proud. It's 11 am right now, and I'm at home instead of taking my chemistry exam. I'm pathetic.

I don't know what to tell people. I can't tell my mom. I just can't. She can't talk about it, I can't talk about it, thats how we've been for 9 years. I've written papers about it for school. I don't know why. I think that sometimes I just really want people to understand why I'm like this, but it doesn't work because my grief is "complicated" and "prolonged." Nobody cares whenever it happened more than a year ago. I remember realizing that in 3rd grade. I remember the first time I cried over what happened. I didn't cry over it for 6 months. I was at school, and I had never EVER cried at school. But I did, and I went to my teacher and told her I missed my dad, and she asked when I would see him again. I never saw someone look so scared for me like that. Genuinely, that was the day I realized that nothing would help and nobody knew what to do with it. She said "remember the good memories" and just kinda mumbled nervously. And that made me cry harder.

I almost never cried about it. Now I can't stop crying over it. Just two days ago I thought I'd found some kind of closure. I felt fine for like 5 days in a row. And now I feel stuck again. The 11th was the 9 year anniversary. I'm embarrassed. 16 year old guy and I'm still crying over something that happened 9 years ago. But that was my dad. That IS my dad. I'll never have another one. I'm starting to realize the thing with grief is that you can treat the symptoms but never ever the cause. It tears me apart honestly. I feel like all I am is grief still. I look just like my dad. We have the same interests. I really was his baby. Now I'm 16 and I still don't know who I am without him.

Theres a saying. "When you are going through hell, keep going." You might be tempted to say "no shit", but in the most simplest terms it means to say dont give up. Remember the strength it takes to carry the weight of it. Your legs might want to give out. Your arms may be numb.... keep going.

In 11 days it will be 6 months since my boyfriend of 10 years passed. In 20 days it’s his birthday. These upcoming milestones are weighing heavy on me. We did not live together so at times that makes me feel like I should not be grieving as much as I am. He distanced himself from
His family the last two years of his life. I think his demons and his addiction to alcohol made him
Pull away. Since his death I’ve developed a relationship with his siblings I wish I could have had when he was alive. My work is super challenging right now. I’m dealing with elder care issues with my parents. It’s a lot. My therapist tells me to live life but I honestly just want to curl up with a glass of wine in bed and watch tv. Ironic since my grief is because of someone that literally drank himself to death, I’m looking at retirement in the next two or three years and not sure what is next. So confused and sad and hurt and angry at the same time

I was 7 years old when my grandmother passed. I was sleeping in the same room as her when it happened. When I close my eyes I still feel when she stood, probably to use the bathroom, and hear the thump before my little baby brain went in survival mode and made me go to sleep. I still vividly remember waking up to her face down on the floor with my uncle screaming MA and telling my aunt to call an ambulance and him hugging me. I was told she'd be okay. My mom came, we went for a walk around the block, I chatted away about normal kid things...then we got back...the ambulance was gone...and so was she. The day my heart absolutely shattered for the first time. Fast forward, I was in therapy for some stuff during high school and my mom tells my therapist she doesn't think I'm over my grandmother's death. She then looks me in my face and says "I think you still blame yourself". And I did. And sometimes I still do. Even now my brain plays the what if game if I had just gotten up and gotten her help. Then maybe I'd still have my best friend. The one person in my family that actually got me. Earlier this year I heard a voice that sounded so much like another person who has passed. And then it hit me. I genuinely can not remember my grandmother's voice. I feel her memory fading and now it's like I'm grieving her all over again because even as I'm losing memories the pain and loss is still right there. I know how important she was to me. And then how old she actually was hit me recently. I was 7, she was 45. Now I'm 25, she would have been 63. 63 isn't that old. 45 was young. And I think back on everything she should've been here for - me graduating high school, meeting and marrying the love of my life, moving 300+ miles away from where I grew up. I'm no/low contact with the rest of my family for being either toxic/horrible people or being complicit in the way I was treated. She was my constant and still would be to this day. We would've made trips up to her monthly. So much good and so much bad she should've fucking been there. Half of what happened to me wouldn't have if she was there. The other half would've been a hell of a lot more bearable with her in my corner. I was robbed. I was fucking robbed and I don't know how I'm supposed to ever heal from that.

As above.. I actually don’t know how to carry these multiple clusters of fear and pain. The waves of anxiety and fear, along with preparing for actual grief is enormous. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but I needed to put this somewhere. 💔

My mother has terminal end stage cancer and each day is tricky and drawing her closer to the end (we are weeks beyond her expected timeframe already). My partner has surgery in a week to remove a mass that is quite possibly malignant and now my beautiful soul dog has a cancer that is very likely to take him quickly/spontaneously. I’m the central person supporting my parents, partner and daughter (who has the most deep rooted bond with our dog..she will completely break when he goes) .. And I’m working full time, spreading myself between everyone and underneath it all I’m angry and devastated. I just wish I could sit still and just be with my people and pup, but life isn’t allowing it and I’m raging because I desperately want more time. Thank you for letting me share here 🤍

My dad has died 2 ½ years ago. The most horrible thing ive ever seen in my life , watching my dad slowly die of cancer. After i heard he died i felt a bit of relief that his suffering had ended . At his funeral i heard his friend say that my dad had begged him to kill him out of mercy . My dad was a great photographer, he loved taking pictures of nature and birds , but cancer took that away from him when he lost his ability to walk.

What his friend said at his funeral will always haunt me.. the pain i feel for my dad is too much to describe.

The kittens die.

Our female cat gave birth on October 14, and it's our first time, and I think it's her first time, too. Last night, the firstborn died. I can't accept it. I'm upset, and now the third one has died, and the second one is going to die, too. It's still alive, but it's so weak and cold, and its stomach is flat. I know it can still be saved because it can still move and cry. If only I had money and could bring them to the vet. It hurts so bad. I can't even do anything about it. If only I could, I would do it. I love them so much. I'm always there for them, watching and caring for them. I was excited when she gave birth. I watched her give birth to them and cared for them when they crawled away from her. I always picked them up and put them back with her. I don't even understand it. Why? Why should they die? It hurts so bad.

What makes it even more painful is that I feel like my family doesn't understand how much I'm hurting. I can't do anything to save the kittens because I don't have money to bring them to the vet, and that makes me feel so helpless. Instead of comforting me, my mother called me crazy and told me that I would be the next one to die. I was already hurting because the kittens were dying, and hearing those words from my own mother made it worse. I just want to be allowed to feel sad. I don't want to be forced to act okay when I'm not. I wish my family would leave me alone instead of making me feel worse about something that already hurts so much and forcing me to be okay.

So my mom’s had cancer for a little over 2 years and is almost at the tail end of her prognosis. She’s had a huge decline this year and it’s been really hard.

Something I got from my mom is a tendency to hoard clothes, and my local community is holding a clothing drive, so I told my dad about it because I know he hates all the junk my mom keeps. The clothes don’t fit her cause of weight changes.

He packed up the majority of her old clothes, and I made a comment on it because I didn’t expect him to clear it all out so quick. Most of her clothes aren’t my style, but they are my size.

Then he mentioned how she’s not going to survive until next year anyway. I know that’s a terrible thing for him to say and that it’s not guaranteed, but it still hurts to hear.

She’s been having extra issues today, and while my dad was helping her just now I couldn’t help but begin to cry. I was just sitting here, thinking about how maybe I want to keep one of her clothing items.

And then I thought about how I’m going to have to do something with her jewelry when she passes because I inherit it all, and how I’ll be giving some away to other women in my family, too.

The thought of her no longer existing hurts so much. To think of having to eventually share or get rid of her belongings hurts too. I hate it. Each passing month it gets harder and harder to process the reality, because the life while she’s still alive is getting harder to live, too.

I guess this is a diary or rant. I’m sorry. Life is just so hard right now. It’s too much.