My 2 year old daughter valkyrie was murdered on January 18th by her mother's boyfriend they are both in jail but im lost and need people to talk to

I’m so sorry about this rambling, I just needed to write this off my chest and this was the only place I could think of.

The thing is I just don’t know how to cope with my grief anymore. I just can’t do it anymore. I know I have to go on with my life but everything feels so unbearable.

On the 1st of june last year I lost my big brother to some really stupid bycicle accident. He was 31 and I was 22. He just got ripped out of our lives and from this world and yet somehow I have to accept that. I have to accept that he is not here anymore. That I have to life the rest of my life without him. That I am nobody’s sister anymore because somehow, with his death, it feels like that title got stolen from me.

Now, a little over a year later, I still don’t know what to do. Things don’t get better and I don’t get better.

How do I go on? I miss my big brother so much.

I (19F) just lost my dad today to complications with Signet Ring Cell Adenocarcinoma and Crohn's Disease. I watched him take his very last breath and I watched his heart stop. He finally let go after over 4 days in active death. I sobbed so hard I felt myself go deaf. One of the last things he did was asked me if I could hear him and told me that he loved me in perfect clarity, when he had only been able to groan. All I can think about is how much I miss him and have been missing him since I found out he had cancer in March. I just want my dad back. I'm not ready to live my life without him. He would always tell me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. He was and is the strongest person I know. He fought until the very end. The photo above was taken when I left the hospice home after his passing. I want to think he moved heaven and earth to make sure I knew he said his proper goodbye.

i lost my partener 3 weeksago nothing i do is helping his family blames me i am a mess i dont want to be here without him i really dont and i dont know how to go on i love him so much i dont want to be without him

I’m not gonna do anything. I could never do that to my family. But I wish o could die.
Living without my husband is torture. I’ve been hollering his name and screaming for him to come back to me.
I would give anything to see him again.
It’s been 5 months. I’m exhausted of living. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want him back.
I just needed to say this.
Thank you for reading.

Ps, how can this group have no spouse loss flair? That’s fucking crazy

I lost my dad to MS back in 2015, i was only 11 and my whole life i saw him in a wheelchair and was used to helping feed him or moving board game pieces for him, all those kinds of thing as he was fully paralysed.

I was in Tesco yesterday and there was a guy in a wheelchair who was struggling to put the other handle of his shopping bag over his chair controls, he was halfway through asking me to help as I had already gone forward to help him, he was very sweet and thankful and i said it's no problem and wished him a good day. It was a short interaction, I walked a bit down the aisle and just processed what had just happened and I then just started crying from nowhere, shortly then realised I was crying surrounded by pet food in the middle of a busy Tesco and did my best to stop before strangers saw me.

It's been over 10yrs since I lost my dad but damn did that small interaction hit me like a truck.

(The picture is from 2 years ago btw)

hi,it’s me again…I lost another important person in my life this year. This time,it was my extended family’s old dog,Angie. We had her from 2015 to 2026 (11 years.) she was 16 years old and actually lived PAST her expected lifetime (pitbull mix). She was such an amazing dog and I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle that she’s gone :(

she was put to sleep earlier this morning according to my mama,right around the time me and my brother were getting ready for school. She said she didn’t tell us it because she didn’t want us to be in a sad mood the entire day. (We found out right as we got home. I immediately started crying)

around 6:34PM,on our way to something related to my brother,we saw a rainbow…I immediately thought it was her saying her final goodbyes to us.

Angie,you were the best cow-dog ever and I’ll always love and remember you,Moo-Moo.

i’ll always love you Angie.

4/8/2010 (or 2015)-10/16/2026. The best Cow-Dog ever. love you Moo.

Hi everyone,

My dad died at around 3.50am this morning, and I keep replaying his death in my head.

Please be aware that the details below may be upsetting, so only read on if you feel comfortable.

My dad was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in November 2025. Over the last few months, he had deteriorated, was in a lot of pain and could no longer leave his bedroom. He had also developed blood clots in his lung and arm.

On 5 October, he collapsed at home, struggling to breathe, and his blood pressure kept dropping. We called an ambulance and found out he had a bleed in his lung caused by the blood thinners he had started a few weeks earlier for the clots. He already had a drain for fluid building up around his lung which had started a few months prior, but the new blood had blocked the drain so fluid kept building in the lung.

His time in hospital was difficult, with lots of promises and glimpses of hope about surgery to remove the congealed blood, unblock the drain and allow him to restart blood thinners. On the 9th, we were told he wouldn’t survive the surgery and that they were taking him off the blood thinners and there was nothing more we could do. He moved to a hospice a couple of days ago, where his pain increased. We were told he's likely to die by coughing up blood.

This morning, I spoke to him at around 3am when he woke up, and he drifted off again. At about 3.30am, I heard thrashing about in the bed and saw him anxiously trying to reach the alarm. I pressed it for him and tried to reassure him.

He couldn’t speak, his eyes were wide. When I asked whether he was in pain, he turned his head to the side, which I took to mean no. He tried to speak again, but only moans came out. They became louder, and he seemed distressed at being unable to talk. He reached for my hand, and I reassured him that the nurses were there and checking him. He looked at the nurse when she asked him to look at her.

I stepped out for about a minute and a half to call my mum, sister and uncle and ask them to come to the hospice urgently. When I returned, the nurse told me he didn’t have long left. His eyes had drooped, and he wasn’t moving around as much.

I held his hand, stroked his head and kissed him, telling him, “You’re okay. We love you so much. You’re safe, you’re not alone, and Mum and (my sisters name) are on their way.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I kept repeating those things. I also talked about his favourite book series and how I was reading it, and the family dog. I think I talked about those for too long and not enough to reassure him, as I was still in a panic myself and couldn't think straight.

After he hadn’t taken a breath for a while, I asked the nurse, “Is he still alive?” She said yes and encouraged me to keep talking to him. I hope he didn’t hear me ask that. He died shortly afterwards.

I still don’t know what caused such a sudden change—whether a clot travelled to his brain or something else happened. I’m hoping to speak to the doctor tomorrow to understand what they think happened, whether he might have felt pain or fear (and if he did how long it may have lasted for) and whether he could still hear me talking to him at the end.

I’m in shock and keep replaying those few minutes when he seemed frightened and couldn’t speak. I’m looking for some reassurance, but also honesty, about what he might have experienced. I need the doctor to confirm this, even as a best guess, or I dont think I can process to the next stage of grieving without knowing. I am crying constantly and thinking about how he died, rather than necessarily upset that he died at this stage. My poor dad didn't deserve this.

I am also getting health anxiety, worried about me or my other loved ones dying the same way, as it seemed traumatic. Just thinking he was scared breaks me.

Thank you for reading and for any thoughts you can share. I’m so sorry to everyone else here who is going through grief also.

We found out a year ago my daughter has CLN2 Batten disease. It’s horrific. As it progresses she’ll lose the ability to walk,talk,see, swallow and suffer from childhood dementia then death in early childhood. I’ve kept strong this long supporting my family (partner and two little girls the younger of whom is sick) but I can feel myself fracturing.

I’ve got my own personal traumas and am in the process of being diagnosed with complex ptsd but I’ve always been good at compartmentalising but it’s like I can feel all these emotions are seeping out of me and the grief and despair is endless. I’ve tried meds, counselling, nothing helps. I can’t sleep, feel like my body is running on fumes 24/7.

My partner is suffering from panic attacks now and when she does she tries to hurt herself so I have to be on constant alert to make sure she’s okay, constant alert to make sure the children feel safe and it’s just taken so much out of me but my only option is to keep going when all I want is to rest but her disease won’t slow down it will just keep progressing and getting worse and worse.

I’m dreading the day she loses her sight. She’s scared of the dark and I won’t be able to do anything to help her.

She was put in the hospital and I couldn’t be in the hospital for 10 minutes(SAME HOSPITAL my mom died in) i broke down completely,I feel like I’m being ridiculous, and I really need to be able to go to the hospital is there any advice outside of seeing someone for therapy someone can give me? Idk what to do anymore.

I was 7 years old when my grandmother passed. I was sleeping in the same room as her when it happened. When I close my eyes I still feel when she stood, probably to use the bathroom, and hear the thump before my little baby brain went in survival mode and made me go to sleep. I still vividly remember waking up to her face down on the floor with my uncle screaming MA and telling my aunt to call an ambulance and him hugging me. I was told she'd be okay. My mom came, we went for a walk around the block, I chatted away about normal kid things...then we got back...the ambulance was gone...and so was she. The day my heart absolutely shattered for the first time. Fast forward, I was in therapy for some stuff during high school and my mom tells my therapist she doesn't think I'm over my grandmother's death. She then looks me in my face and says "I think you still blame yourself". And I did. And sometimes I still do. Even now my brain plays the what if game if I had just gotten up and gotten her help. Then maybe I'd still have my best friend. The one person in my family that actually got me. Earlier this year I heard a voice that sounded so much like another person who has passed. And then it hit me. I genuinely can not remember my grandmother's voice. I feel her memory fading and now it's like I'm grieving her all over again because even as I'm losing memories the pain and loss is still right there. I know how important she was to me. And then how old she actually was hit me recently. I was 7, she was 45. Now I'm 25, she would have been 63. 63 isn't that old. 45 was young. And I think back on everything she should've been here for - me graduating high school, meeting and marrying the love of my life, moving 300+ miles away from where I grew up. I'm no/low contact with the rest of my family for being either toxic/horrible people or being complicit in the way I was treated. She was my constant and still would be to this day. We would've made trips up to her monthly. So much good and so much bad she should've fucking been there. Half of what happened to me wouldn't have if she was there. The other half would've been a hell of a lot more bearable with her in my corner. I was robbed. I was fucking robbed and I don't know how I'm supposed to ever heal from that.

Hey everyone, I'm F(23) and my dad (M56) passed away on the 1st February 2026. I started my first job on the 2nd of March 2026. Between those two months I didn't have the time to grief and was full of administration activities for my dad's passing. Let's just say, I had a horrible career start and I was doing poorly in my performance. I'm in a sales role btw. The first few months were fine, until the grief effects start crashing down on me. I know I tried my best, and I know it's not enough. I'm not sure what happened to me and I felt a part of me died after my dad passed. I feel so stupid and ashamed of myself.

But looking back, I felt like my body and mind needed to grief. Grieving is when your brain is literally rewiring itself to get used to the lost. I have tried therapy and journaling. But I can't seem to get my head right. I also have horrible brain fogs, anxiety and panic attacks. And my communication is not as effective. I feel like I might lose my career and my job. I wonder if others are feeling that way? how do you cope with the lack of support from the people around me? And for those who already had years after grieving, how's your life so far and any advice?

Thank you.

I lost my dad a couple months ago… unexpectedly. Just recently , I had a dream about him… felt so real. It wasn’t even a normal dream, felt like him and I were just having a conversation… I asked him “papa, you’re gone, what am I suppose to do?” , he told me he’s okay, and not to worry basically. I woke up right after . I normally sleep throughout the night but I felt like I had been awoken to really grasp the message .. anyone have a similar experience with their passed loved ones?

I still can't believe you're gone McKay...

Days like these are extra rough. I feel like I don't deserve happiness.

15 years old m and this week I lost one of my closest friends to suicide. We’ve been friends for 4-5 years since middle school (we are both sophomores in high school) We’ve done so much together and he was one of my closest friends ever. He was always so kind and supportive of everything me or our friends did. Even when times were tough he was there for me and he helped me through a lot. I remember though his behavior changed right before summer break before sophomore year. He shut down and isolated himself from everyone. during the summer we tried to invite him to hangouts but he never said anything. Before school started I talked to him at some band event (we did band throughout middle and high school) and he just said he got really busy. I thought nothing of it. after the first couple weeks of school some friends pulled me aside and told me if I noticed anything wrong with friend. I said no and they told me that they noticed that he had scars on his arms and they suspected that he was cutting himself. I said nothing because I didnt know anything since I haven’t talked to friend in awhile. One of my friends also got worried because he friend said that he “wished they had more time together.” friend said that they were going to try to talk to him. After that I didn’t think much of it. I should’ve tried talking to him. I feel horrible about it all and I wish he would’ve told one of us or something. He never seemed like the type to do anything like that but I guess he just hid it. I feel like shit. I didn’t think that last week would be the last time that I would see him. I didn’t know the last thing Id do with him would be in April. I feel lost. I cried a lot when I first found out but now I just don’t know. I sit there and think about him. I feel horrible. I skipped school the rest of the week because of it. I even starved myself a little but I stopped because my gf became really worried and I didn’t want to worry her. My gf also invited me out today with some friends but I hated it. I kept thinking about him and his death and just ended up going home midway through. I just wish I could’ve had one more special moment with him. I don’t know what I’m doing or what to do at all.

The title is a bit of a lie, he died just barely 2 months ago now. Im just now beginning to process it.

He had terminal cancer. He died 5 days after his 73rd birthday. We didnt celebrate, I didnt even realize, and I feel like a pos for that. He was actually my grandpa but he had me from 5 months old, he was my dad, Im only 23.

He had stage 4 prostate cancer and it was incredibly rough. It was slow and then all at once. He was diagnosed with stage 4 last January and wasnt doing great, but he lost the ability to walk maybe 3 or so months before his death. 3 months before he died he was still up cooking, doing grocery runs, going to the casino when he could because fuck it, right?

Then he couldnt walk anymore. Then he lost his taste. He got a hernia. The pain meds stopped working. He started begging for death. About a week before he died, he called me home from work because he thought hospice workers could do assisted death, and planned to die that day. He was begging, BEGGING to "go home".

Our last conversation was his last lucid day before he started a consistent routine of morphine and other meds, and he wasnt there anymore. A lot was said but not enough. I apologized for doing so many disappointing things and not letting him see me make something of myself, and he said it was ok because thats what your 20s are for. I said he was the best dad anyone could ever ask for, and he never have himself enough credit for that.

We didn't speak after that. He didnt want me to see him that way, I was scared seeing him that way and I felt bad bc I knew there was nothing I could do to take away his shame, even though it was completely unreasonable. He was a proud man of the 50s, unable to accept a moment of weakness even in death.

I didnt look at his body when he died. I dont think I regret that, I dont know what I wouldve gained from it. But I do regret not speaking to him in his final week, I regret not wishing him happy birthday. Even if he wasnt there, he probably felt more peace then than he had in months, if not about 2 years.

I loved my Papa, my rock, I was his first daughter and from his own mouth, his favorite child. Its such a petty brag but it makes me feel so special. And at the same time, so regretful he never got to see me succeed in life, he never saw me do anything but struggle. He supported me when I went to the mental hospital, to jail. Rock bottoms basement and he always loved me the same.

I grew up painfully aware Id likely not have parents into my adulthood and my greatest fear came true. It feels evil, the best man I know, best father I know, had a life shorter than he deserved, I watched him lose his spark and love for life. He wont walk me down the isle.

Im really struggling. I lost my cat which helped me through an abusive relationship just a month prior to his death, and my long term bf dumped me 2 weeks after. Ive attempted to take my life a couple weeks ago, trying to make myself go inpatient and failing to commit. I cant afford therapy rn but Ill be joining a free group therapy next week​​​

My councellor tells me I may have PTSD. My brain cannot comprehend it. It doesn’t feel right…”PTSD”, it’s something dark and spiky and scary. Sometimes I get flashes of images even when my eyes are open. They don’t always scare me anymore, I just feel “dead”, numb, disconnected, like looking at an object that I’ve seen a thousand times. I remember the face of the paramedic and the police who came by, their hair, their face, the way they approached me like they had a sense of uncertainty or fear that they’d say the wrong thing. It’s been 3 years and I still find my body awake before I am. No matter how tired I feel or what time it is, my body wakes me up to check if the person next to me is still breathing. Sometimes I wake up in a panic, sometimes I react before I even know what I’m doing. It’s compulsive. I can’t sleep till I know they’re still breathing.

I feel so much guilt for what I should’ve done, I feel so guilty for being angry at them for being drunk before they suffered a heart attack. I feel so guilty for stepping away after I found them that morning and thinking to myself I should go out anyway and deal with it later. Why? I mean, I didn’t, I went back and called emergency services. I’ll never forget the smell of the house that day. You know when you walk into a new place and it just a certain smell, not necessarily unpleasant, just distinguishable. I lived in that house for years and for the first time ever, I noticed the smell and I can never forget it. Any time I step in, it still burns my nose and my mind burns with the memory it brings.

What do you even do with all of this? The guilt is so heavy, no one knows I’ve been feeling this way. I’ve carried it every single day. It weighs down on my shoulders and my chest just feels so heavy like I’m being pushed or dragged down. My brain keeps telling me now that maybe the people around me secretly blame me for it too.

Just a vent post but if anyone would like to share their story or offer advice, it’s most welcome

Am I wrong for being absolutely furious about this?
My baby niece has leukemia. She’s not even two years old. My family is living through an absolute nightmare right now, and I’m doing everything I can to support my sister and help my niece get through this.
I am devastated. I’m scared. I’m exhausted. And I’m trying to hold myself together while a literal baby fights cancer.
Then Ben decides to come into my comments with these opinions. I had also posted several posts breaking the news to my followers about her diagnosis, and I posted her go fund me. Not a single word of sympathy. Not a single “I’m sorry your family is going through this.” Nothing kind. Just unsolicited commentary at a time when I am already emotionally shattered.
And honestly, what the actual fuck?
You don’t have to agree with me. You don’t have to share my perspective. But how do you see someone going through something this horrific and not have the basic human decency to lead with a little compassion?
I’m not asking strangers on the internet to agree with everything I say. I’m asking why some people seem so desperate to voice their opinions that they can’t even pause for two seconds to recognize another person’s pain.
A baby is fighting leukemia. My family is terrified. And you thought THIS was the moment to come at me with your opinions?
I’m posting the screenshots because I genuinely want outside perspectives on this. Am I overreacting, or was this as insensitive and unnecessary as it felt?
Because I cannot imagine approaching someone in the middle of a family cancer crisis this way. I just can’t.

Lost my father in 2020; it’s been about six years, still talk to him every day. When he died, I gave up trying at everything. Gave up trying in my marriage and lost the love of my life. I took crazy risks hoping I’d end it all, and threw a career away. Fell into some real bad substance abuse habits that I only just kicked just last year. It resurfaces now and again, but just thought I’d let ya’ll know I’m doing a lot better. You will too. Time heals all things. I know it’s a cliche in moments like these, but just keep moving along. I hope you’re well.

What should I do? She was going to school. She was bettering her life. All of that was taken from her by some fuckass man that she chose to be with. Im so angry. Why couldnt she have been in the hospital instead? Why did she have to be dead? I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Why? Why?

It has to be a prank. It's all an elaborate prank and she'll be back tomorrow. I promise.

Hi my close friend and second mom lost her dad in February I have been there every step
Of the way. We always speak at least once or twice a month and since I’m the younger I usually call her. She never doesn’t answer. For about a month
After he passed she went through a weird phase but we kept in regular contact. Her next door neighbor died and she’s gone ghost besides answering in a group text for like a month now. I’m trying to be supportive just sent her a message I love her and I’m
Thinking of her but I can’t help but feel a little hurt. Any advice is much appreciated I’ve been through grief and know everyone processes differently i would just rather her tell me hey I’m not okay I’ll check in when I’m ready. I’m also expecting my first child and she literally was one of the first people I told.

Hi all

I hope my post doesn’t offend anyone or isn’t seen as disrespectful. I have gone through this page and seen a lot of people post pictures of husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends and even kids. I am truely sorry for your loss :(

Yesterday at approximately 10.15am I lost my male 5 nearly 6 year old fit, healthy super fast indoor BSH CAT.

I’m a 47 year old guy that is and has always been mentally very strong, but this has ripped my heart out, compelled torn me to pieces.

He wasn’t just a cat to me, he was my baby boy. My partner and couldn’t have kids after years of trying, so we replaced the not having human kid to have a feline baby.

He was my world. All day I’d think about what he’s doing, how I’m going to annoy him when I get home and often I’d have to have little chats about his bullying behaviour at times when he’d try push me around in the company of my partner.

Every morning at 5am he’d go sit low on my partners chest asking for pats. As I’m an early riser, as soon as he’d see my eyes open, he’d jump off the bed resort me down stairs to give him his big breakfast

He’d smash his paw into his bowl when he wanted more food, we have a matter house and constantly he’d be sprinting inside.

I’ve never felt pain like this before. I truly don’t know how I’ll survive.
We got him at a time when we finally had to give up trying for kids through IVF, we got home when we finally shut our businesss after being stuck (couldn’t leave couldn’t sell) Ian 6 year lease which ended Dec 31 2020. He was our gods gift Dec 24 2020

I have cried all day since yesterday, I have asked myself will I ever be able to overcome this pain.

I haven’t eaten in 2 days, bad stomach ache, painful headache and life at the moment just doesn’t seem important.

He was found 15 mins after I last saw him on the bed, what looked like peacefully sleeping but unresponsive.

My partner is a mess, im a mess and his brother from the same family has also been crying and looking around the house all day.

Im going to have a strong sleeping tablet tonight to attempt to sleep off some pain. I’d love for it to all be a dream

Kitty from above, if you’re watching down, we love you and are distraught without you

In May of last year, I lost my little brother to an accidental tragedy—autoerotic asphyxiation. With my dad already gone for five years, his death stripped away an entire identity: I am nobody’s sister anymore, an only child holding the pieces of a family that used to be full.

I look back at the years before and feel a burning resentment toward myself for ever taking them for granted. My life now isn’t ruined on paper, I am married, l live the life I dreamed I would as a kid; but I never built a blueprint for a world without him in it. I am angry, shattered, and confused. The only truth that keeps my feet on the floor every morning is knowing he would never forgive me if I gave up on living. That, and a heartbreaking prayer I never imagined carrying: that my mother goes before I do, so she never has to endure surviving her husband, her son, and her last living child

I understand that it happened 9 years ago. I know that. But I hate the name of the disorder, and I hate how my doctor worded it, saying how this was "definitely the case." I hate all of this. Nothing has felt right since it happened. I hate having another diagnosis added to the list, especially in relation to my dads death. MDD, PTSD, and now PGD. I hate it. I feel like I should feel better because I have the words and the diagnosis to prove why I still feel bad, but I just feel worse. "Complicated grief." I don't think its complicated. I was 6 and my dad overdosed right in front of me and I was locked alone with his body for 4 days.

Its not complicated. I'm 16 and my dad is dead. He's still just gone. I don't understand how I'm meant to get over that. And I feel like nobody can possibly understand, at least no one my age that I know. When people try to relate to me about it, its always about their grandparents who passed from old age or something along those lines. I've had more than one person bring up their dead pets or that they broke up with their partner. I understand that those are their own forms of grief completely and they're valid. I just don't understand why people bring it up to me when my dad comes up. I don't even want to talk about my dad to these people. I do, but I don't want them to know that he's gone. I want to talk about him in the present tense. It isn't fair.

I think that its harder now. I understand how bad it was now. Sometimes I feel okay, and accept that this is my life, but then I'm reminded that I genuinely do have PTSD. I don't think I started to realize how fucked up what happened was until recently. I babysit my baby cousins sometimes, and I look at them, and I realize I was their age when I was all alone in that house with my dad. I was the youngest in the family until them, and I only ever babysat toddlers before them so its a new feeling. I always just accepted that that was just something that happened to some kids. Some kids watch their dad die, end of story. But now I look at them and how they really just can't do anything, you know? Like I have to help them with everything, they really are just babies still. And I think about how I was no different than them at all.

I don't know how to live with it. It really was bad. I'm skipping school again. I started having dreams where he's still alive again and nightmares about when it happened. It makes getting up and going to school harder, because I wake up feeling so bad. It all just feels pointless. Whenever I try to get myself to do something, its just like, fuck my dads dead. And then I don't want to do anything. Or I think about my grades and my plans for after high school, and I remember that everything that I do, every single day, is because of how my dad died, or the fact that he died, or to make him proud. It's 11 am right now, and I'm at home instead of taking my chemistry exam. I'm pathetic.

I don't know what to tell people. I can't tell my mom. I just can't. She can't talk about it, I can't talk about it, thats how we've been for 9 years. I've written papers about it for school. I don't know why. I think that sometimes I just really want people to understand why I'm like this, but it doesn't work because my grief is "complicated" and "prolonged." Nobody cares whenever it happened more than a year ago. I remember realizing that in 3rd grade. I remember the first time I cried over what happened. I didn't cry over it for 6 months. I was at school, and I had never EVER cried at school. But I did, and I went to my teacher and told her I missed my dad, and she asked when I would see him again. I never saw someone look so scared for me like that. Genuinely, that was the day I realized that nothing would help and nobody knew what to do with it. She said "remember the good memories" and just kinda mumbled nervously. And that made me cry harder.

I almost never cried about it. Now I can't stop crying over it. Just two days ago I thought I'd found some kind of closure. I felt fine for like 5 days in a row. And now I feel stuck again. The 11th was the 9 year anniversary. I'm embarrassed. 16 year old guy and I'm still crying over something that happened 9 years ago. But that was my dad. That IS my dad. I'll never have another one. I'm starting to realize the thing with grief is that you can treat the symptoms but never ever the cause. It tears me apart honestly. I feel like all I am is grief still. I look just like my dad. We have the same interests. I really was his baby. Now I'm 16 and I still don't know who I am without him.