Hi my close friend and second mom lost her dad in February I have been there every step
Of the way. We always speak at least once or twice a month and since I’m the younger I usually call her. She never doesn’t answer. For about a month
After he passed she went through a weird phase but we kept in regular contact. Her next door neighbor died and she’s gone ghost besides answering in a group text for like a month now. I’m trying to be supportive just sent her a message I love her and I’m
Thinking of her but I can’t help but feel a little hurt. Any advice is much appreciated I’ve been through grief and know everyone processes differently i would just rather her tell me hey I’m not okay I’ll check in when I’m ready. I’m also expecting my first child and she literally was one of the first people I told.

I lost my dad to MS back in 2015, i was only 11 and my whole life i saw him in a wheelchair and was used to helping feed him or moving board game pieces for him, all those kinds of thing as he was fully paralysed.

I was in Tesco yesterday and there was a guy in a wheelchair who was struggling to put the other handle of his shopping bag over his chair controls, he was halfway through asking me to help as I had already gone forward to help him, he was very sweet and thankful and i said it's no problem and wished him a good day. It was a short interaction, I walked a bit down the aisle and just processed what had just happened and I then just started crying from nowhere, shortly then realised I was crying surrounded by pet food in the middle of a busy Tesco and did my best to stop before strangers saw me.

It's been over 10yrs since I lost my dad but damn did that small interaction hit me like a truck.

Hey everyone, I'm F(23) and my dad (M56) passed away on the 1st February 2026. I started my first job on the 2nd of March 2026. Between those two months I didn't have the time to grief and was full of administration activities for my dad's passing. Let's just say, I had a horrible career start and I was doing poorly in my performance. I'm in a sales role btw. The first few months were fine, until the grief effects start crashing down on me. I know I tried my best, and I know it's not enough. I'm not sure what happened to me and I felt a part of me died after my dad passed. I feel so stupid and ashamed of myself.

But looking back, I felt like my body and mind needed to grief. Grieving is when your brain is literally rewiring itself to get used to the lost. I have tried therapy and journaling. But I can't seem to get my head right. I also have horrible brain fogs, anxiety and panic attacks. And my communication is not as effective. I feel like I might lose my career and my job. I wonder if others are feeling that way? how do you cope with the lack of support from the people around me? And for those who already had years after grieving, how's your life so far and any advice?

Thank you.

I lost my dad a couple months ago… unexpectedly. Just recently , I had a dream about him… felt so real. It wasn’t even a normal dream, felt like him and I were just having a conversation… I asked him “papa, you’re gone, what am I suppose to do?” , he told me he’s okay, and not to worry basically. I woke up right after . I normally sleep throughout the night but I felt like I had been awoken to really grasp the message .. anyone have a similar experience with their passed loved ones?

This is fresh so I am still quite in shock. But my boyfriend just lost his younger brother in an accident and I want to know how I can support him as much as possible while being away physically. I am scrambling to find ways to visit during this time but without external help, this might prove to be very difficult economically. Does anyone have any advice?

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I'm not sure if this is the right place to post, but I'm running out of time, so I'm going to be upfront about my situation.

I need to earn 144 within the next few days to keep my storage unit from going to auction. I fell behind on payments after leaving my job to care for my mom full-time. She passed away on September 26, and I've been trying to navigate everything that comes with that while also figuring out how to get back on my feet financially. I am hanging in there...

I've been looking for work and exploring other options, but right now, I'm in a tough spot and the deadline is approaching fast.

I'm open to any legitimate suggestions, quick online gigs, resources, or advice that might help me reach this goal. I want to put in the work, I just need to find something that can realistically help within this short timeframe. I have common sense and can help with many different tasks.

I can also provide proof of my situation if needed.

If this isn't the right sub for this kind of post, I'd rly appreciate recommendations for other subreddits, websites, or platforms where I might have better luck.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Any helpful advice or direction is very much appreciated

(my tribute to my mom is below)

it's been weighing heavily on my heart, and i think i need to put some of it into words.

[ long post alert ]

i regret not taking more pictures with my mama. i regret the times i finally gave in to being in a picture, only to act annoyed because i didn't like the way i looked or didn't feel prepared. i regret the eye rolls, the smart-a$$ remarks, and the times i chose to clap back when she said or did something i thought was dramatic or "extra."

i regret the times i felt the need to apologize FOR her, too. often, she had every right to express what she was feeling, whether it was toward family, medical staff, or even me. sometimes i agreed with her, and sometimes i didn't. sometimes i felt like i was doing everything i could, only for it to go unnoticed. and sometimes, in the middle of all of that, i forgot that she was allowed to have her feelings, too.

looking back, i can recognize moments when i could have handled things differently. sometimes i recognized it almost immediately, and other times it took a little longer. sometimes i'd get down on myself, and that would come out in the way i expressed my thoughts or opinions. looking back, i can recognize when i was trying to protect my own feelings without fully considering hers. grief has a way of making you revisit things you thought you'd already made peace with.

but i also know that the time, energy, love, care, and pieces of myself that i gave to my mama were never in vain. i know how much i loved her, and i know she knew it. both things can be true: i can be proud of the way i loved her and still wish i'd done some things differently. i think we can all relate to that sentiment in 1 way or another.

if you attended my mama's service, you probably have at least some idea of my feelings and the things i've come to understand through all of this. i spoke about how real she was, how human she was, and how none of us gets through life without making mistakes we'll eventually wish we could take back.

my mama wasn't perfect. i damn sure ain't, and neither is anybody reading this. we all have egos. we all get defensive. we all say things we don't mean, react in ways we aren't proud of, and sometimes let our pride get in the way of what really matters. we can spend years trying to justify our choices, make peace with them, or convince ourselves we would do the same thing all over again.

until one day, something happens that makes you look at everything a little differently.

i don't even know exactly where i'm going with all of this. i'm still very much in the thick of grieving my mama, and some days i don't know what to do with everything i'm feeling. but i do know that i'm learning things about myself, about love, about regret, and about what it means to be human.

my mama had me when she was 14. i joked at her funeral that by the time i learned how to walk, she was just happy to have a walking buddy because she couldn't even drive yet. (i almost added this bonus: many of us might argue that to this day, she still couldn't actually drive...iykyk 😂)

in my baby book, she wrote that my first sentence was "gimme cookie." which, knowing us, was probably about some store-bought Oreos. somebody else must have been supervising because my mama was barely old enough to be using the oven by herself, much less telling me what the hell to do. 😅

and that was something i definitely didn't hesitate to bring up once i started growing up and developing a mouth of my own. a mouth that was creatively shaped by the rest of the sassy, smart-mouthed women who raised me. 😘

i was listening to music that was too old even for some of the people who introduced me to it. think juvenile's "back that thang up" + special shout-out to plies, whose music i became acquainted with after my mama apparently decided to sneak out and steal my car one night when i was in like, 11th grade. she barely got it back to me in time for school the next morning.

i remember starting that car in a hurry, worried about being late to 1st block... only to discover she'd left the volume turned ALL the way up, nearly giving me a heart attack before the school day even started, with plies blasting "1 Mo Time" through the speakers of my lil Ford Focus. a song i'll forever hold dear to my heart, despite my family's unwillingness to let it make the cut for her funeral service. 😒

i mean, i get it. but y'all, it would've changed the vibe for at least a few minutes.

THAT was my mama. that humor was embedded in her, and she passed it down to all of us without even trying.

i'm just sorry i had to be the funniest of the three of us, but please understand that apparently came at the cost of being the least likely to succeed. LOL. 😭

i'm joking. mostly. although i fear the evidence so far may be working against me.

but seriously, that's where i have to start talking about what i've learned through all of this.

i'm self-aware enough to know that i have a whole lot of growing left to do, despite the impression i might give off sometimes that i already know everything and "you can't tell me sh!t."

y'all can certainly try. 😆 and i appreciate the people who have tried, especially the ones who have been willing to tell me the truth even when it wasn't necessarily what i wanted to hear. none of it has been in vain.

over the years, and especially recently, so many people have reached out to tell me how much i remind them of my mama. when you're growing up, hearing that over and over can get a little annoying. you don't always understand what people mean by it, and sometimes you don't particularly want to hear it.

but i'm here to tell y'all something now.

my mama is the strongest woman i've ever known.

if only y'all knew the fight that woman had in her. if only you could have seen how hard she fought, how determined she was, and how she kept fighting until the very end of her precious life.

i am so sorry this happened to her. i still catch myself wishing there had been another option, that something could have gone differently, that there was something else somebody could have done. i know some of that is my grief talking. i know there are things i may never have answers to, and i'm trying to learn to live with that.

i know God is in control, even when i don't understand His plans. and i'm still working through what that means to me in the middle of losing somebody i would have done anything to keep here.

but there's something else i can't shake.

i feel so strongly that i'm still here with things to do. things my mama wanted for herself. things she wanted for me. things she didn't get the chance to finish, and things i know she hoped i would one day figure out for myself.

i don't believe that means i have to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for every mistake i've ever made. i'm human. i will make more. but i do believe there's a difference between carrying regret and allowing it to teach you something.

i want to be better. i want to recognize the things that matter while they're still right in front of me. i want to listen better, love people better, and stop letting pride or a bad moment overshadow the bigger picture.

i want to follow through on the things that mattered to her. i want to see some of the things she dreamed about finally come to fruition, even if it takes me a while to figure out how to get there.

again... my mama wasn't perfect, but she was REAL. she was funny, fierce, stubborn, loving, complicated, and unforgettable. she was 1 of a kind. Jennifer Echols 💙

and she never stopped being my biggest fan. brooke's biggest fan. bailee's biggest fan. ari and ashton's biggest fan. & even your biggest fan, too, if you were lucky enough to know her.

i hope i can carry even a fraction of her strength with me. & when people tell me i remind them of her, i will smile and take the compliment to heart. i hope i can take the parts of her that made her so special and do something meaningful with them.

i miss my mama more than i know how to explain. i miss the funny, ridiculous, ordinary moments that i never could have imagined would one day become memories i'd give anything to experience again. i can't wait to see her again, & i do know that day will come.

for now, i'm taking it one day at a time. sometimes one hour at a time.

thank y'all for loving my mama, for loving me, for checking on our family, and for being there during the darkest days. i am so thankful for each and every 1 of you who showed up for my mama in some way, whether by saying a prayer or by showing up to honor her life. i know she would be so proud.

15 years old m and this week I lost one of my closest friends to suicide. We’ve been friends for 4-5 years since middle school (we are both sophomores in high school) We’ve done so much together and he was one of my closest friends ever. He was always so kind and supportive of everything me or our friends did. Even when times were tough he was there for me and he helped me through a lot. I remember though his behavior changed right before summer break before sophomore year. He shut down and isolated himself from everyone. during the summer we tried to invite him to hangouts but he never said anything. Before school started I talked to him at some band event (we did band throughout middle and high school) and he just said he got really busy. I thought nothing of it. after the first couple weeks of school some friends pulled me aside and told me if I noticed anything wrong with friend. I said no and they told me that they noticed that he had scars on his arms and they suspected that he was cutting himself. I said nothing because I didnt know anything since I haven’t talked to friend in awhile. One of my friends also got worried because he friend said that he “wished they had more time together.” friend said that they were going to try to talk to him. After that I didn’t think much of it. I should’ve tried talking to him. I feel horrible about it all and I wish he would’ve told one of us or something. He never seemed like the type to do anything like that but I guess he just hid it. I feel like shit. I didn’t think that last week would be the last time that I would see him. I didn’t know the last thing Id do with him would be in April. I feel lost. I cried a lot when I first found out but now I just don’t know. I sit there and think about him. I feel horrible. I skipped school the rest of the week because of it. I even starved myself a little but I stopped because my gf became really worried and I didn’t want to worry her. My gf also invited me out today with some friends but I hated it. I kept thinking about him and his death and just ended up going home midway through. I just wish I could’ve had one more special moment with him. I don’t know what I’m doing or what to do at all.

The title is a bit of a lie, he died just barely 2 months ago now. Im just now beginning to process it.

He had terminal cancer. He died 5 days after his 73rd birthday. We didnt celebrate, I didnt even realize, and I feel like a pos for that. He was actually my grandpa but he had me from 5 months old, he was my dad, Im only 23.

He had stage 4 prostate cancer and it was incredibly rough. It was slow and then all at once. He was diagnosed with stage 4 last January and wasnt doing great, but he lost the ability to walk maybe 3 or so months before his death. 3 months before he died he was still up cooking, doing grocery runs, going to the casino when he could because fuck it, right?

Then he couldnt walk anymore. Then he lost his taste. He got a hernia. The pain meds stopped working. He started begging for death. About a week before he died, he called me home from work because he thought hospice workers could do assisted death, and planned to die that day. He was begging, BEGGING to "go home".

Our last conversation was his last lucid day before he started a consistent routine of morphine and other meds, and he wasnt there anymore. A lot was said but not enough. I apologized for doing so many disappointing things and not letting him see me make something of myself, and he said it was ok because thats what your 20s are for. I said he was the best dad anyone could ever ask for, and he never have himself enough credit for that.

We didn't speak after that. He didnt want me to see him that way, I was scared seeing him that way and I felt bad bc I knew there was nothing I could do to take away his shame, even though it was completely unreasonable. He was a proud man of the 50s, unable to accept a moment of weakness even in death.

I didnt look at his body when he died. I dont think I regret that, I dont know what I wouldve gained from it. But I do regret not speaking to him in his final week, I regret not wishing him happy birthday. Even if he wasnt there, he probably felt more peace then than he had in months, if not about 2 years.

I loved my Papa, my rock, I was his first daughter and from his own mouth, his favorite child. Its such a petty brag but it makes me feel so special. And at the same time, so regretful he never got to see me succeed in life, he never saw me do anything but struggle. He supported me when I went to the mental hospital, to jail. Rock bottoms basement and he always loved me the same.

I grew up painfully aware Id likely not have parents into my adulthood and my greatest fear came true. It feels evil, the best man I know, best father I know, had a life shorter than he deserved, I watched him lose his spark and love for life. He wont walk me down the isle.

Im really struggling. I lost my cat which helped me through an abusive relationship just a month prior to his death, and my long term bf dumped me 2 weeks after. Ive attempted to take my life a couple weeks ago, trying to make myself go inpatient and failing to commit. I cant afford therapy rn but Ill be joining a free group therapy next week​​​

She was put in the hospital and I couldn’t be in the hospital for 10 minutes(SAME HOSPITAL my mom died in) i broke down completely,I feel like I’m being ridiculous, and I really need to be able to go to the hospital is there any advice outside of seeing someone for therapy someone can give me? Idk what to do anymore.

My mom passed in July of 2021 when I was freshly 21. I had picked her up on a Sunday from the hospital and that same night she had begged me to hold her and stay the night she even cried when I refused. I still left. My mom and I had a very complicated relationship, we had been really evil to each other. I had decided to work on our relationship around the time she passed, but the idea of staying the night in the house I grew up in felt like a legitimate nightmare, I just couldn’t. That following Wednesday I found her dead and the coroner stated she could have passed that Monday. To this day I still feel horrible for leaving her alone, I can still hear her crying. I just feel like she died of a broken heart because I left her alone. I regret not trying to fix things sooner, I just feel like I’m a horrible son for leaving her. She wasn’t a perfect mom, but it was her first time living too. I just had so many awful memories of the past in that house, and after what my mom put me through the idea of pretending we’re at a level in our relationship for me to hold her like nothing bad ever happened between us just made me so uncomfortable. I honestly don’t know how to get past it

I was 7 years old when my grandmother passed. I was sleeping in the same room as her when it happened. When I close my eyes I still feel when she stood, probably to use the bathroom, and hear the thump before my little baby brain went in survival mode and made me go to sleep. I still vividly remember waking up to her face down on the floor with my uncle screaming MA and telling my aunt to call an ambulance and him hugging me. I was told she'd be okay. My mom came, we went for a walk around the block, I chatted away about normal kid things...then we got back...the ambulance was gone...and so was she. The day my heart absolutely shattered for the first time. Fast forward, I was in therapy for some stuff during high school and my mom tells my therapist she doesn't think I'm over my grandmother's death. She then looks me in my face and says "I think you still blame yourself". And I did. And sometimes I still do. Even now my brain plays the what if game if I had just gotten up and gotten her help. Then maybe I'd still have my best friend. The one person in my family that actually got me. Earlier this year I heard a voice that sounded so much like another person who has passed. And then it hit me. I genuinely can not remember my grandmother's voice. I feel her memory fading and now it's like I'm grieving her all over again because even as I'm losing memories the pain and loss is still right there. I know how important she was to me. And then how old she actually was hit me recently. I was 7, she was 45. Now I'm 25, she would have been 63. 63 isn't that old. 45 was young. And I think back on everything she should've been here for - me graduating high school, meeting and marrying the love of my life, moving 300+ miles away from where I grew up. I'm no/low contact with the rest of my family for being either toxic/horrible people or being complicit in the way I was treated. She was my constant and still would be to this day. We would've made trips up to her monthly. So much good and so much bad she should've fucking been there. Half of what happened to me wouldn't have if she was there. The other half would've been a hell of a lot more bearable with her in my corner. I was robbed. I was fucking robbed and I don't know how I'm supposed to ever heal from that.

i lost my partener 3 weeksago nothing i do is helping his family blames me i am a mess i dont want to be here without him i really dont and i dont know how to go on i love him so much i dont want to be without him

I (19F) just lost my dad today to complications with Signet Ring Cell Adenocarcinoma and Crohn's Disease. I watched him take his very last breath and I watched his heart stop. He finally let go after over 4 days in active death. I sobbed so hard I felt myself go deaf. One of the last things he did was asked me if I could hear him and told me that he loved me in perfect clarity, when he had only been able to groan. All I can think about is how much I miss him and have been missing him since I found out he had cancer in March. I just want my dad back. I'm not ready to live my life without him. He would always tell me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. He was and is the strongest person I know. He fought until the very end. The photo above was taken when I left the hospice home after his passing. I want to think he moved heaven and earth to make sure I knew he said his proper goodbye.

I can think about him without crying now as long as I don't think about him too much. I read some of our old texts and smiled instead of crying. If I let the thoughts linger though that's when the tears come so I've been trying to just let the thoughts go mostly the past couple days. I still have at least 1 breakdown a day but they're getting shorter and less ugly. I feel a bit of guilt that it hurts less now though.

This year has been particularly hard since I knew my mom had cancer stage 4 and that she refused the treatment.

She's gotten really depressed since then, I don't see her smile anymore, she doesn't enjoy anything in life, she's been in that bed for the past 10 months. I feel that I can no longer enjoy life too and when I do I feel guilty for it.

She's slowly leaving me, but I feel that she's been gone the moment she gave up on her health, both mental and physical.

She's still in that bed, and when she's not sleeping she's sobbing and wishing to be dead already.

I feel that she's not my mom anymore, I can't come to her and tell her about my day

I can't turn to her when things are going wrong

I can hug her when I need some conform

She's just there physically but her essence is long gone.

No thing can get her out of that situation, and I can understand why. But she's always refusing any kind of help.

I just miss her. But he loving, protective, funny, and empathetic woman I still call my mom is gone.

Thanks for reading if you did. I just needed to vent

(The picture is from 2 years ago btw)

hi,it’s me again…I lost another important person in my life this year. This time,it was my extended family’s old dog,Angie. We had her from 2015 to 2026 (11 years.) she was 16 years old and actually lived PAST her expected lifetime (pitbull mix). She was such an amazing dog and I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle that she’s gone :(

she was put to sleep earlier this morning according to my mama,right around the time me and my brother were getting ready for school. She said she didn’t tell us it because she didn’t want us to be in a sad mood the entire day. (We found out right as we got home. I immediately started crying)

around 6:34PM,on our way to something related to my brother,we saw a rainbow…I immediately thought it was her saying her final goodbyes to us.

Angie,you were the best cow-dog ever and I’ll always love and remember you,Moo-Moo.

i’ll always love you Angie.

4/8/2010 (or 2015)-10/16/2026. The best Cow-Dog ever. love you Moo.

My friend just lost her teenage son. I know gifts won’t make things better but I just feel like I want to help or do something for her. What was something you were gifted or even an act of kindness that someone did for you? Something you’ll never forget?

In 11 days it will be 6 months since my boyfriend of 10 years passed. In 20 days it’s his birthday. These upcoming milestones are weighing heavy on me. We did not live together so at times that makes me feel like I should not be grieving as much as I am. He distanced himself from
His family the last two years of his life. I think his demons and his addiction to alcohol made him
Pull away. Since his death I’ve developed a relationship with his siblings I wish I could have had when he was alive. My work is super challenging right now. I’m dealing with elder care issues with my parents. It’s a lot. My therapist tells me to live life but I honestly just want to curl up with a glass of wine in bed and watch tv. Ironic since my grief is because of someone that literally drank himself to death, I’m looking at retirement in the next two or three years and not sure what is next. So confused and sad and hurt and angry at the same time

I still can't believe you're gone McKay...

Days like these are extra rough. I feel like I don't deserve happiness.

My councellor tells me I may have PTSD. My brain cannot comprehend it. It doesn’t feel right…”PTSD”, it’s something dark and spiky and scary. Sometimes I get flashes of images even when my eyes are open. They don’t always scare me anymore, I just feel “dead”, numb, disconnected, like looking at an object that I’ve seen a thousand times. I remember the face of the paramedic and the police who came by, their hair, their face, the way they approached me like they had a sense of uncertainty or fear that they’d say the wrong thing. It’s been 3 years and I still find my body awake before I am. No matter how tired I feel or what time it is, my body wakes me up to check if the person next to me is still breathing. Sometimes I wake up in a panic, sometimes I react before I even know what I’m doing. It’s compulsive. I can’t sleep till I know they’re still breathing.

I feel so much guilt for what I should’ve done, I feel so guilty for being angry at them for being drunk before they suffered a heart attack. I feel so guilty for stepping away after I found them that morning and thinking to myself I should go out anyway and deal with it later. Why? I mean, I didn’t, I went back and called emergency services. I’ll never forget the smell of the house that day. You know when you walk into a new place and it just a certain smell, not necessarily unpleasant, just distinguishable. I lived in that house for years and for the first time ever, I noticed the smell and I can never forget it. Any time I step in, it still burns my nose and my mind burns with the memory it brings.

What do you even do with all of this? The guilt is so heavy, no one knows I’ve been feeling this way. I’ve carried it every single day. It weighs down on my shoulders and my chest just feels so heavy like I’m being pushed or dragged down. My brain keeps telling me now that maybe the people around me secretly blame me for it too.

Just a vent post but if anyone would like to share their story or offer advice, it’s most welcome

In May of last year, I lost my little brother to an accidental tragedy—autoerotic asphyxiation. With my dad already gone for five years, his death stripped away an entire identity: I am nobody’s sister anymore, an only child holding the pieces of a family that used to be full.

I look back at the years before and feel a burning resentment toward myself for ever taking them for granted. My life now isn’t ruined on paper, I am married, l live the life I dreamed I would as a kid; but I never built a blueprint for a world without him in it. I am angry, shattered, and confused. The only truth that keeps my feet on the floor every morning is knowing he would never forgive me if I gave up on living. That, and a heartbreaking prayer I never imagined carrying: that my mother goes before I do, so she never has to endure surviving her husband, her son, and her last living child

My 2 year old daughter valkyrie was murdered on January 18th by her mother's boyfriend they are both in jail but im lost and need people to talk to

I wish this was a sick joke. My mom passed away last month, Sept 20th and tonight I went to pick up her dog from my dad to take him for a sleepover and I hit and killed him as I was pulling in the driveway. It was a total freak accident, and he passed within minutes. I am so traumatized 😓 he was a piece of my mom and one of the only things that brought me comfort regarding her. I babied him. I loved him. He was my little brother. I don’t know how I’m going to be okay knowing I just took my dad’s company from him after already missing my mom. I

As above.. I actually don’t know how to carry these multiple clusters of fear and pain. The waves of anxiety and fear, along with preparing for actual grief is enormous. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but I needed to put this somewhere. 💔

My mother has terminal end stage cancer and each day is tricky and drawing her closer to the end (we are weeks beyond her expected timeframe already). My partner has surgery in a week to remove a mass that is quite possibly malignant and now my beautiful soul dog has a cancer that is very likely to take him quickly/spontaneously. I’m the central person supporting my parents, partner and daughter (who has the most deep rooted bond with our dog..she will completely break when he goes) .. And I’m working full time, spreading myself between everyone and underneath it all I’m angry and devastated. I just wish I could sit still and just be with my people and pup, but life isn’t allowing it and I’m raging because I desperately want more time. Thank you for letting me share here 🤍

This year has taken so much from me. This is just some rambling.

Last year, my dad was in a coma. Last year on my birthday was when they told me he wasn't improving. He's still around but needing 24/7 professional care due to the severity of the brain damage. It feels unfair to think that I'll lose my dad twice. A month ago, I suddenly lost my previously healthy cat to aggressive cancer. He was my everything.

Last year despite everything I cleaned and baked and organised board games for all of my friends. For over 15 people who said they'd be there. All but 4 of them cancelled at the last minute. Just 4 of us and enough cake for 15 people. Felt so absurd. I guess at least grief gives you that sort of clarity.

I do miss being a fun person though.