What is making my depression so much worse is how much I see the world sucking right now.

Everyone is negative about everything, everyone is fighting, nobody is taking accountability, nobody sees their own flaws in how they act and how much hate they spread, everyone is divided, nobody can have smart conversations, everyone is led by their feelings..

Things are changing too much, too. I don't do well with change at all, even if it might not even matter in the grand scheme of things.

The rise of AI, the future of critical thinking, human authenticity, and the future of human social connection look bleak as well.

Honestly, I could regurgitate everything I find worrying about the world and the future of humanity for hours.

It is making it 1000 times worse to rid myself of depression and I know I am not the only one thinking this.

It's been more than five years since life actually felt right. No dramatic turning point, no single event to blame, no defining moment where everything went wrong. Just a gradual loss of motivation, discipline, and whatever it was that used to make me feel like myself. A slow decline.

Damn, I have such a soft spot for my younger self. He fought through a lot on his own and sometimes I genuinely wonder what he'd think if he saw me now. He'd very likely be disappointed, but I think he'd also understand how I got here. Part of me still feels like I owe him a comeback. The thing is, I genuinely feel like there's nothing left in the tank for me to pull one off.

Crying myself to sleep and waking up feeling just as miserable isn't something I ever thought I'd have to deal with. At some point, sleep stopped being actual rest and became an escape. Just a way to switch everything off for a few hours, knowing it'll all be patiently waiting when I wake up.

Man... I don't really know how to explain what the last few years have done to me. Maybe this burden has become so heavy that I've even lost the ability to articulate clearly. I just know I haven't felt like myself in a long time, and it's strange how much a person can struggle without anyone really noticing. Now, somehow, I feel even more depressed knowing that my life is objectively worse than it was back then.

To anyone out there fighting something similar, I'm sending you whatever little strength I have left in the tank. Hope it helps you keep going... even if I haven't quite managed to do the same for myself.

I have a low end job & I'm not ashamed of it but the child in me who dreamed about being a doctor, surgeon or a laywer etc gets really sad sometimes.

There’s no guarantee that life will ever get better. The demographic which you hear that phrase from is very positively skewed . You hear from the ones who haven’t taken their own lives. The ones that are still able to function in a work setting. The ones who have the confidence to speak openly about their struggles to others. So many successful people who have struggled are sitting on the tip of an iceberg of complete failure and suffering, consisting of people in their exact situation who were not as fortunate. It’s really daunting how arbitrary fate is.

However, the opinions on this subreddit are also very negatively skewed. Just because someone’s life hasn’t gotten better doesn’t mean yours won’t. Many of the people here are venting and commenting at some of the worst points in their lives, where they haven’t gotten used to the pain they are feeling from the blow life recently dealt them. Life itself won’t get better, but if it doesn’t get any worse, you will start to feel better. Because you’ll get used to living how you live day by day. You’ll feel numb from it eventually if you have enough patience.

This isn’t a hope post or a depressing post, it’s just my thoughts on how I see life at the moment. I don’t think it’s worth living for a lot of people, but idk it may be worth giving tomorrow a chance.

I am so severely disabled I can't leave my house, everything feels lonely and hopeless. I don't know why I am still alive when everything is so bad and constantly getting worse.

It's impossible for a worthless person like me to make friends. I provide zero value to anyone. And I will never be able to change this.

The pain is so bad it seems like I could die soon.

i really really wana end myself but i am afraid i survive and have to explain.

Keeping it simple. 43 dad here with 11 and 9 1/2 daughters. Depression my whole life. Suicide closer than ever. Especially with splitting up with their mom. Let's leave her and that out of this.

I know everyone says leave the kids out of it. It's not up to me to make the decision to end it for them.

My question is which is worse.

Committed suicide myself and my kids have to live with that forever. The holidays, birthdays, seeing everyone with their dad's,going to school. Everything basically.

Suicide myself and taking them with me so they don't have to suffer with all that.

Yes I know think of all the family and people affected if they are gone. I understand that. This is just about is it worse they are still here or just take them with me.

well like 3 months ago 1 moved in with my friend in an apartment after which he found out that I self harm and when I confronted him about it cuz I felt he might feel uncomfortable he was like "its fine i dont care about it". he kept ignoring my injuries and never asked about them so I thought its ok but whenever our mutual friends used to come to our apartment, I used to hide my scars by wearing a hoodie. today after our friends left, he told me to do something else because noone would care if they found out and even if they do find out then i should just laugh it off. Im just confused and kind of hurt

I am 24F. I suffer from anxiety, ocd and depression. I have panic attacks almost every day. I have lost everything and everyone i care about, all because of my mental health. I finally met a boy that treated me well and he made me so happy. But of course my mental health had to ruin it and i lost him also. I barely have any friends left. My family and friends are tired of me, tired of being around a sad and drained person. My family blame me for my anxiety and depression. I lay in bed all day, i have no energy to get up from bed. I sleep all day to escape. I barely eat anymore. Before i loved to go to the gym, now i barely go to the gym anymore. Every day is getting worse and worse. I feel like a shell of the person i was. I also suffer from dissociation so i never feel real. Its like i am a ghost. Sometimes I think i am dead. I feel like a walking dead. My body is on autopilot all the time

I am so drained

I'm so done. I can't keep living this life that I've managed to fuck up so badly in 35 years. I'm a piece of shit and I can't live with myself anymore

This isn't the life I pictured when I was younger.

Life isn't a fairytale after all. No damsel in distress, no Prince Charming coming to save you. Just you, trying to survive a life you never imagined would turn out this way.

I'm trying to be strong, but my facade is slowly crumbling. I keep asking myself, am I bad? Do I deserve all this? I don't know anymore. I'm barely holding on, and the rope I'm clinging to is slowly breaking.

I don't want to just survive. I want to live, too. But lately, even that feels impossible.

If you're reading this, I hope you're holding on better than I am. And if you're not, I hope we both make it through.

When i used to be young i always thought theres no problem in me feeling the way i felt cause i’ll heal and have better years coming. At this age im at rn it just feels like i wasted my younger years , it feels so much more real idk how to explain it but it feels like an URGE to stop feeling the way i feel whilst its not even possible to just stop feeling like a wreck.

I’m 34 and I’ve seen what life has to offer and it sucks. I’ll never be financially stable. I’ll always be dirt poor because I’m too sick to work and don’t come from money. I’ve been isolated for years since I left my ex. I live alone and every day is just a new crisis. I had to basically beg my power company to not shut off my utilities the other day because I was reading the bills wrong and I didn’t realize I owed so much money. I just don’t have the bandwidth to keep worrying about these constant crises. Like what am I even doing it for exactly? just so I can continue to suffer?

They say get help, and I am. I’m in an intensive outpatient treatment program right now with regular therapy, etc. I’ve been dealing with treatment resistant depression since I was twelve. Even if I did become financially stable, I would still be suffering with my disease.

Sometimes I don’t even feel real. Like today I tried to reason it away and say it’s because of the gloomy weather or not having the best sleep last night, but honestly, I’m just tired. I’m tired of the stigma that comes with being mentally ill. It’s honestly embarrassing enough to make you want to end it.

Yes, a lot of people are extremely kind to me and are trying to support me. I know I am not alone. But that does not cure the disease.

I want it to be over.
I want to be free.

hello. this is my first time posting on reddit but i need advice or just need to read stories from anyone’s perspective regarding this topic. **trigger warning this post mentions self harm*\*

i am a 21 year old female and i used to live with one of my friends, who ill call kelly. around this time last year, i began to live with her and her partner, since they owned a house. kelly is my age and her partner is 25. separately, i used to also live with a girl (amy). me, kelly, and amy were all best friend and are in the same year of college. prior to college, i had never been medicated or treated for my depression and anxiety, even though i have had it almost my whole life.

since these girls have known me and lived with me for those past 3 years, they have come to be familiar with the severity of my symptoms. i have now been diagnosed with ocd, but i was unaware i had it until around 6 months ago, when my best friend told me i needed to move out, because she wanted the space to just be her and her partners. when i began living with kelly, i was just starting therapy and she had to sign and read a bunch of paper work because i have a lot of suicidal ideation, so it wasn’t like my mental illness was out of no where. i had been very open with her about my feelings through our duration of living together. one of these is my obsession of her kicking me out. so when she did tell me i needed to leave, i lost it. even though she was being very kind, i was so upset, because i had just left a terrible living situation with my mom and i was on bad terms with my dad. she left my room, and i was so upset, that my brain told me i needed to cut myself. **NOTE: i am extremely guilty about this. i know i shouldn’t have done it but i was in an episode. i was going through some other things before this happened and i was not well. i did not know what i was doing and was literally not in my right mind.*\* i had a history of cutting before this, but this time i had cut myself so severely i needed to go to the er.

from there, i was obviously hospitalized and i was in treatment for around 3 weeks. during that time, kelly and her partner packed up all my shit and brought it to my moms house, so i couldn’t even say goodbye and get my shit. after, i had reached out to amy because she was one of my best friends. me and her hit a rough patch, but the months leading up to this event, we began to reconnect and be a lot closer. i wanted to see her when i got out, but she told me that “she can’t deal with this drama” before she goes to study around for the 3rd time, and that she “wishes me well.” i was broken. i knew that she would’ve talked to kelly, because they have a class together.

since then, i have been no contact with both of them. a few months after i got out of the hospital, i left the state for two months and now i do school completely online. i am still so so so full of shame, guilt, and embarrassment for what i did. i am also so angry and sad that they won’t talk to me. i understand that depression is a selfish disease. i became so self centered because living was so so miserable so i could only think about me, but i was doing “the thing”, not living with my parents, working two jobs, going to school, and i was so free to do whatever i wanted. to this day, i think if the roles were reversed, i would’ve reached out to them by now. i am scared to reach out to them because i can’t handle rejection.

today, i saw them at the bar we would always go to, and immediately left. i have become a recluse because i am so scared of running into them. i never leave my house really, i quit my job, and i go to school completely online, despite still living in the town my college is in. i lost everything. my self confidence is at an all time low. i hate pretty much every part of myself, even though my ocd symptoms have gotten better since i’ve been correctly diagnosed. i want to be 21 and enjoy my senior year, but i have no one. and im so scared to make relationships. i want to obviously be able to do these things, but im so scared to see them and “do something wrong.” i dont want them or their friends to judge me if/when they see me out and working. so should i go to work? should i go out? i feel like i should to move on, but im scared of being judged. i know i need closure but i don’t know how to go about it. should i just never speak to them again and move on? do i text? i have no clue. i want to move on and live my life but im in constant fear of seeing them. i still love them so so much, that i think i would be broken to hear that they don’t want to see me anymore. that has always been my worst fear since meeting them, and now its true. what do i do?

It’s no surprise I’ve reached this dead end really. There was something not right about me from the get go. Too highly strung and flimsy. Needing to work so hard just to survive, make friends etc. I needed everything to go right and I made bad decisions putting myself under pressure. And then I cracked. Never to be the same.

I don't really want to go into detail about it but I'm just annoyed and struggling with a bunch of shit and am trying my hardest not to cut myself but it's all just built up so I'm really fucking close to doing it

I have adhd that ruined my life kinda if that changes anything.

Basically- was depressed for a few years, was passively and actively suicidal (with attempts) and last year (until this spring) it was the worst. I'm 100% better now, moving forward etc however I am very indifferent about the prospect of me dying. Yesterday the realisation came after an event and a short talk.

I am doing this, not planning on dying or going back to the state and life I had at my lows, but it would be perfectly fine if I died tomorrow, I do want to travel/add good to the world/etc however if I didn't it'd be ok, not great but fine. Two of my grandparents would be sad and some of my siblings would be traumatised, but that's it.

I have these thoughts often "i wouldn't have to finish my studies/work/build relationships with people" it's nice, wouldn't have to try. Is it just residue from my past or at this point my personality? Always assumed I'd grow out of this, few months ago thought getting back into engineering, into uni would make life "click" but nah

I don't want to live with my parents anymore, my mother is the most toxic and abusive person I have ever seen in my life. Has anyone ever had cut ties from their parents how is life going and how do they feel?

TW/ I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal ideation since I was very young I was abused in my childhood home until I left for college. I started dating my current boyfriend almost 2 years ago now he is 28 and I am 21.

He has constantly been verbally emotionally abusive towards me. Today he screamed in my face with such rage: “you am worthless, you are stupid, fuck off, Grotesque, bitch, you are nothing.” Referring to me. Among other horrible things truly soul crushing. I can’t even explain how horrific how evil it was in this moment.

I have a college degree but no money of my own to get out. I just wanted to say it’s not like I’m completely useless.

He and others even his family have told me how kind and nice I am yet he told me he is meaner to me than to anyone else ever. He threatens my safety and security all the time.

I am out of gas emotionally my heart my being is out. I have thought of kms so many times recently especially now after he said these things. I have never thought good of myself only bad I grew up thinking I am worthless I am nothing I am all those horrible things. In truth it’s narcissists, abuses, and addictions who have put these words in my head.

I’m struggling to hold it in the worthless the sadness the thought all these horrible feeling could go away my tears and suffering. He knew I was abused he knew I thought about sucude before as a kid he knew how others have treated me yet he did and does the same. He knows I struggle with mentel heath yet he tears me down piece by piece criticizing me on every level. I have done nothing but help him - I drove him to rehab, I sat with in a whole day in a hospital took though I had to drive hours, I cook everything for him, I clean, I build him up; yet he touchers me. It’s so damaging emotionally, I can’t handle being alive I can’t handle the suffering.

Found a bridge which has an incredible height. Its in a beautiful place, no water at the bottom. I can't stop thinking about how happy id be flying off of it and finally ending this bullshit.

They always say "life finds a way" but for me i just don't feel that way, i feel like if i endure for another 10 years ill simply lose more of myself by struggling constantly. And yes by struggling i do mean finances, im knee deep in bank debt and about to be homeless. I was homeless for 3 years and i told myself id never allow it to happen again and i meant it.

Ive done everything in my power to not end up homeless. ive got 4 kitties that love me and i cant even think about the fact in 2 weeks i might have to bring them to a shelter. I dont think i can live without them. Id rather just not.

Edit; plus my wife died to a seizure in 2023 and i had a really good job back then too but since losing her i just slacked and eventually got fired. Its been really rough and ive been barely scraping by for 3 years on the brink of homelessness this whole time. Why does the only way out of this mess im in feel like either a winning lottery ticket or a trip to the bottom? Sometimes i have moments of clarity and i feel like maybe i can fix this, and then life throws more bullshit in my face and i just realize no its not going to get better

edit2: my 4 kitties are the only thing i have left in this world that anchor me to my deceased wife. I don't know if an afterlife exists. If i knew one did id have done the deed years ago to join her again. I let myself my kitties my family down everything ive done has been a failure ever since she passed. I can't continue to live like this.

All of my friends have been saying how lucky I am to be able to travel to Japan, that that wish they could too but are too busy or can't afford it, and family members that I've been traveling with have been talking about how great it is here, how delicious the food is etc.

I haven't told anyone, but I still feel depressed and anxious every single day, and I feel so guilty that I don't feel more appreciative and joyous during this major vacation. Anxiety and depression is pretty much my default state though and has been for over 10 years. Even before I fully wake up from my sleep and remember where I am or what's going on, a huge wave of anxiety and depressed feelings hits me in the morning and never fully leaves until I'm asleep again.

I know nothing awful will happen. I know the food is freshly and expertly made. I know the scenery with the lit lights at night is stunning. But I just feel constantly fearful, down, exhausted from myself, and/or numb inside all at the same time. I feel guilty I'm on this trip instead of others who would've loved it and had a better time than me. I keep trying different solutions and medications and seeing different professionals, but I still hate my life and hate being awake and cry to myself at night.

I feel suicidal bcz i hate my body. My doctors wont listen to me when i say i need medication for weight loss and my insurance wont cover it im homeless, unemployed. in tears right now like 3rd time ive cried today. i feel nobody cares, my family toxic abusive and wont help. im 30 no love, family, nothing. i tried so hard but everything ffails. whenever i try i fail the longest ive had job is 2 years not my fault bcz was trying escape dv. then got laid off. im done rip

I'm depressed. I'm sad and I'm lonely.

I reach out to friends but they don't understand. I've told my family but they have their own problem. I start group therapy in two weeks. I call helplines, that helps but I can't speak freely in my home so I can't call them now. I'm not in a crisis but I'm so sad. I'm going to try and do some puzzles and watch some YouTube videos now.

But please I have no one to speak to, I just want to speak to someone who understands

There was a crowd of thousands,

yet my eyes were searching only for her,

the one who taught me what love truly meant.

And when I finally saw her,

I discovered a painful truth

among the thousands of faces in her eyes,

I was just one of them.

i 20f am a college student, I don't have any goals with anything in my life and i have no hope for my future. everyday its hard to get up and go to classes or attempt to hang out with my "friends".

I used to have hope and goals for my life but for the past few months i've realized how miserable life can get and just gave up.

I don't enjoy my old hobbies anymore and honestly i don't enjoy anything.

How do i feel normal again? I journal and take walks daily, I am medicated, and i see a therapist but nothing seems to work.