My wife has suffered from anxiety and depression for the past 14 years. Major depressive episodes are supposed to last maybe months, but she has been on a bad state on and off for years. With time, insight, maturity, medication, and therapy I would think there would be some improvement, but there isn’t. I’ve lost so much of my life to being the person who takes on everything, having almost zero support for myself, and yet being blamed by my wife much of the time for her unhappiness. I’m so sad, I’m so isolated, only my children know what I have to put up with and they just have zero respect for their mother because of her behaviour. Recently, my son said she’s like a dementor in Harry Potter, just sucking happiness out of the air. I can’t tell her this because even the slightest feedback devastates her emotionally, let alone criticism. I’m so tired of having the nice and helpful things I do never remembered, and my errors of 20-30 years ago thrown at me as fresh wounds. My heart just aches with sadness and my mind just screams with frustration.

They make it seem like the problem is I'm just not trying hard enough. It makes me wonder if they're right, or they just have no idea what depression actually is.

I can't think of anymore words rn.

I mean "just get it done", "don't let it get to you", "just be happy". I feel like those are all unhelpful.

Everything is humilliating. I hate my voice, my body, my face, my facial expressions, the way I talk, the way I stand, the way I dress. I really can't stand myself in any way. I'm annoying and a weirdo and everything I do is embarrassing. Idk how to describe the feeling really it's just like I feel wrong all the time. I don't want this body or face I hate the person I am; if I saw myself walking down the street I would probably want to punch myself.

I feel so pathetic. My movements are stiff and robotic, my jokes don't land, I barely even talk because of nervousness and anxiety but when I do I always say the wrong thing. I hate being perceived because I know that what's being perceived is someone uttely ridiculous. Everyone else seems normal, I don't know why I can't also be.

Hi,

Lately I've been suffering with severe depression. I experience sadness every hour of the day, no matter what I am doing. I try to clean my house all day or find reasons to go out besides my part-time job. I do 3-4 loads of laundry per day to pass the time. I live with someone who doesn't understand my sadness, and always asks me "why the fuck I am crying," like it is such an annoyance.

It has been over 12 years since I experienced my assault and trauma and I've tried to get past this and lead a stable life. I feel so misunderstood in the world.

The past few weeks, my husband wakes me and asks why I am crying. The thing is I don't realize I'm crying, apparently I am whining and crying for help in my sleep. I rarely have any dreams or nightmares that I can remember, but I guess in my sleep I am whimpering and crying. He is telling me it is disrupting his sleep but I cannot help it.

I usually cry myself to sleep every night as well (silently, I don't want anyone to know), but figured I probably stop crying once I'm asleep. Apparently I'm crying around 4/5 AM and I fall asleep around 10 or 11 PM so it's awhile later. Has anyone ever experienced this and what does this mean?

It’s no surprise I’ve reached this dead end really. There was something not right about me from the get go. Too highly strung and flimsy. Needing to work so hard just to survive, make friends etc. I needed everything to go right and I made bad decisions putting myself under pressure. And then I cracked. Never to be the same.

36, never been on a date, never been in a relationship, never been intimate with another human being. The knowledge that I’ve never known love has really taken a toll on my wellbeing the past year especially. I spend a lot of time daydreaming of scenarios where I meet someone somewhere

Nights are when it all comes to a head. I just keep mulling over the past. What I could’ve done in high school. Who I could’ve gotten to know in university. If only I could’ve taken a risk or step like most people do. I’m in bed, numb and alone.

I feel trapped, I'm 31 and I'm at a point where i would love to delete my character, but I can't do it because of my mom, she's like the best mom in the world and i could never do that to her, but at the same time I'm in a dark place with no way out, it's like 2 things are fighting inside me and i don't know what to do. Should one be selfish or selfless in such cases, still I'll choose to be selfless cuz i just i can't do that to her..

I've got multiple depressive episodes in last 6 years, and probably before that as well, didn't really treat it until recently because of life complications. Now I got diagnosed with reccurent depressive disorder and psychiatrist told me its a chronic condition, I will have episodes till the rest of my life. That sounds really devastating, because i was always hoping that one day I will be ok, will be normal like people around me, but turns out I will be always in risk of my brain fucking me up.

Depression affected whole my life, my family, my relationships, and I cant run from it. Im getting prescribed antipsychotics again, and last time it ended very badly, so im scared. Scared to be lost, fat, and cooked like a boiled egg.

And till this day im still not sure if I actually have depression, I cant believe it got that serious. Sometimes I feel like I just need to choose not to be depressive, lazy, whiny, need to choose life. And then im so devastated when I cant.

Every time I ask how he was, my friend always changes the subject and asks about me instead. It feels like I'm the one being checked on, when really, he's the one who's struggling. What should I do? Please give me some ways to talk to him.

Oh shit here we go, baring my soul to a complete stranger. (Don't mind the english please)

So a little back story, im a case of smart kid but not in a genius type of way but more like i can understand things better than my peers but i also put a lil bit effort to it. Which make me a 'brilliant' student in my university, i already got a job before i graduate and many other achievement that got me a title of "ahead of my peers" and my family is super damn proud about it.

But everything went downhill when i actually got my first job, i got a job in the same field as my study and i know that i shouldn't be impulsive about my conclusion but i deadass can't do shit. Everything is so damn confusing in both work related thingy and the relationship with coworkers. So i left after few months and started in a field that's completely different from my expertise. And BUDDY it got even more worse, i get tortured daily by constant force to grow and the sheer will of trying to get the job done but there's a BIG FREAKING ISSUE which is the language. I work in a place that use english in daily basis and i don't have the skill nor confidence in my speaking skill.

I know that in order to do well at my job and get many more opportunity, i need to level up my speaking skill and put an effort to it. But even the thought of putting a slightest effort outside of my work hour to do this is exhausting and put me in a worst mood possible. But because of this, i keep thinking that i didn't do enough job, i can't do shit and im wasting away my youth. This whole thing making my self esteem very low, i get embarrassed so easily, i can't take a single constructive criticism, and i just don't know what to do in life. Often times i keep telling myself jokingly that if i get an accident or somethin everything will be over but im afraid of going to hell (bcos of my religion that i have strong religious guilt rn).

So yeah, what should i do when i don't even have enough energy to do anything? Really appreciate your effort and i hope we get better soon.

I am so severely disabled I can't leave my house, everything feels lonely and hopeless. I don't know why I am still alive when everything is so bad and constantly getting worse.

It's impossible for a worthless person like me to make friends. I provide zero value to anyone. And I will never be able to change this.

The pain is so bad it seems like I could die soon.

I just recently turned 18 a couple months ago and i’m already over life. I have bipolar and borderline which makes me a really hard person to love and be with. i’ve never been in a happy healthy relationship, and i think it’s my fault. i started dating my bf a couple months ago and he’s such an amazing person but i cannot feel anything for him for some reason. like i love him but something feels so off. he pays for everything i do, he puts all of his time and energy into me, and he reminds me how beautiful i am every day, though he’s very clingy and sensitive which drives me away from him. regardless, i treat him like shit. i don’t put that much time and energy into him and i put my friends over him a lot. i don’t know why i can’t function with him. i want to so bad. i’m not a good girlfriend to him and i always leave him on the back burner. i know it hurts him because he voices it to me a lot and i never know what to say so i just deny it or tell him he’s overthinking. i want to love him as much as he loves me. i want him to be my person but for some reason it doesn’t feel that way. i’ve tried breaking up with him twice but it breaks his heart every time and i cant bring myself to follow through with it, but i know im not good for him. he deserves so much better than me. today is the day he finally decided he would initiate a break up. it’s not official yet but i feel awful.

i also just feel depressed all the time without any reason. i have so many great things happening around me. i just got my first apartment, but i hate it because im so alone. i just got a really good job opportunity in wound care at a assisted living facility and the pay is really good, and its a good start into the career i wanna go into (firefighter/emt). but i still feel so alone and down. i dont have talent in anything. i dont have any hobbies. i’m not athletic, i tried guitar for 6 years im still mediocre, im not particularly humorous or pretty. i just dont really have much going for me. i haven’t had any thoughts to harm myself in a while until now.

im typing this out while taking training courses before i start this new job, and all i can think about is going home and mukbanging my whole medicine cabinet. it never truly goes away.

I lied too much, I do not know how to be honest. I do not even know myself, I hurt my lived ones, I hurt my family, I hurt myself. I do not know how to respect myself. I lied. Now it is just what remains,m. How am I supposed to carry on? I am in pain, I tried 3 attempts today but too afraid to do it. Do I really want to end my life, do I deserve a future after what I have done, will it be worth it to wait for awhile.

I can’t chabge my past, yet I am bringing my past everywhere with me. I can’t be honest, I am just a girl with a mask who doesn’t even know who she is. I am without ground, I am like liquid. I have no boundaries, I let people do anything they want towards me. I have zero respect towards myself, I let man to feel greater than I am. I am sad all the time with thoughts of abandonement. I feel pity of myself. Idk what to do.

What is making my depression so much worse is how much I see the world sucking right now.

Everyone is negative about everything, everyone is fighting, nobody is taking accountability, nobody sees their own flaws in how they act and how much hate they spread, everyone is divided, nobody can have smart conversations, everyone is led by their feelings..

Things are changing too much, too. I don't do well with change at all, even if it might not even matter in the grand scheme of things.

The rise of AI, the future of critical thinking, human authenticity, and the future of human social connection look bleak as well.

Honestly, I could regurgitate everything I find worrying about the world and the future of humanity for hours.

It is making it 1000 times worse to rid myself of depression and I know I am not the only one thinking this.

Habt ihr schon mal einen Abschieds Brief geschrieben ich habe es gerade gemacht und man fühlt sich deshalb nicht besser also macht es nicht

Hi, so I've been struggling alot and even struggling more to phrase my thoughts, but I'm gonna try to make it as simple as possible, I've been through some shitty circumstances and was isolated due to studying cause I had to graduate, I was looking for a part time job and was rejected constantly and one time I was accepted and worked only for 2 days, after that I was fired again, I remember I was coming home and rethinking my entire life decisions. Since then I started seeing the world differently, I started questioning the point of living, like why do we even exist? Is it just to grind our way to success? However these thoughts caused a huge mental damage on me to the point that I stopped eating, I graduated and went back to my home country and reunited with my family, I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with major anxiety, Now it's been 11 months, I got a decent job and able to eat and live normally now but I still feel empty, it's like the medication made me stop feeling much even love and excitement. I just wanna know if anyone had a similar experience and think that there is no point in trying because we will all die at the end. Thank you for reading this 💓

Life is as brutal as it can be lovable. I won't go on some tangent saying life sucks because somewhere inside me I still have some sort of hope, but it just seems right now I'm lost. I'm hated by the whole city I live in because I can never act normal in public. Everyone has heard this or that about me so I barely have people to talk to. I lost my job because I wanted better and found nothing. I ruined myself. I just need to be numb these days. I was going to quit and even went back to school until the girl I loved got killed. What's the point if your soulmate is gone? Why be healthy? I don't care anymore. I give up. I'll still be here, but I just don't care anymore. She was the motivation. She is gone. I can't get her back.

I have no motivation anymore. I'm too tired to talk to anyone, too tired to get chores done, not feeling like gaming.. I feel like i'm wasting my time, and i'm getting annoyed that nothing seems interesting to do anymore

I'm still recovering from wisdom tooth surgery, i was so focussed on preparing for it beforehand too, now i'm still recovering i got an email saying i'm gonna be jobless starting next month

I feel like everything is falling apart, and i have no support system to help me through this.. I'm doing all of this all alone

I feel like i'm in a big moment of change, where i'm supposed to sit down, evaluate my life and lock in and change things for the better but.. My head feels so up in the clouds, i can't even get myself to start thinking about it.. I can barely get myself out of my chair.

I have antidepressants, i've been taking them for a year, is it just me thats the problem? Is my life genuinely just so bad that none of it brings me joy?

I've noticed lately that i desperately need people around me, that nothing is fun if i'm doing it alone.. Why?

I dont know.. Nothing makes sense to me anymore, in this moment, life doesn't feel real

Is it okay to cry in therapy each week due to how you are feeling with depression?

I have been dealing with reduced appetite since my major depression disorder symptoms started 3 years ago. More recently, I have been getting anxiety at breakfast time because I don't want to eat. I'm 46F in postmenopause and "they" say we're supposed to eat more protein at every meal.

I previously set the goal of eating a cube of cheese, a hard boiled egg, a serving of full fat yogurt, and a bowl of cornflakes with hemp hearts to bump up the protein. Lately it's a struggle just to gulp a mouthful down. Can anyone else relate? One of my best friends says, "you're eating for fuel, not for pleasure," to try and encourage me. Forcing myself to eat makes me feel worse about myself.

I have severe social anxiety that prevents me from doing basic things most people can do normally. stuff like ordering food, phonecalls, just anything involving talking to people or being in a public area. I have a job, but i only got it through connections (Family member). I didnt even do an interview because my last one i couldnt get anything out of my mouth cause i was so nervous. interviewer chuckled at me. 😃 i work at a grocery store and i do all sorts of things just not cashier ever and they are okay with that. After work i go home i eat and play games then sleep. i wake up eat breakfast and go to work, go home and eat then play games then sleep. i just feel like im in a simulation doing same thing everyday like a robot, and as well as gaming doesnt give me much joy as it used to, and feels more like a 2nd job.

Therapy is not an option because when i actually tried to go to one it wasn't a good experience, and something about me is i never attempt something a second time if its a bad experience. I dropped out of high school because the environment was so bad for my social anxiety and as a result i am so dumb and i get made fun of alot because i dont know much things as others do.

most of my friends are online but i stay fully annoymous and dont reveal anything about my real life because im scared theyll find where i live and kill me for some odd reason my brain tells me everyday. but i get to show my real personality online because I feel safe behind the computer screen and can be myself without being judged. but most are jsut short term friendships, no one i can talk to freely, as well as some asking to meet up irl which im uncomfortable with. so i block them....i dont know whats wrong with me......

i just feel stuck. I somewhat want to improve in a way but everything in my brain is preventing it. Im hopeless......

How do I realistically get help?

This is the worst I’ve ever felt in my whole life. I have gone 24 years being able to be semi positive and know that logically I must keep moving. But now I really give up. Like I’m done trying to do anything it’s been consistent misery and I feel like my whole life I’ve had to be scared. I’ve lacked stability for as long as I can remember. Even as an adult, keeping myself afloat is hell on earth. Wake up, go to work, come back home, repeat. I’ve worked so many different types of job to find something I like. Nothing. The one time I really tried to follow my dream, someone else ruined the opportunity for me to the tenth degree. I genuinely have 0 desire to improve my life now due to nothing sounding fun or exciting or worth a shit. I’ve tried. Tried finding hobbies and making friends and meditating and finding spirituality/religion. None of it worked. Went to therapy for 4 years straight. Didn’t help a fucking thing. Something in me truly felt like it died inside this week. My whole body has been so full of anxiety and dread that I can’t eat. I’m barely sleeping even though it’s all I want to do. I can’t maintain my attention on the tv or anything. I just deleted all of my social media off my phone other than Reddit (for the purpose of this). I don’t even have energy to follow through with trying to buy a g\*n to end it all. I think I am dying already. It feels that way. It’s just going to be a long slow suffering. And I feel like my last attempts at reaching out to the people I am closest to and trust the most have been worthless. There’s a wait for months for therapy or mental health services where I live and I only have shitty state insurance so I’m bottom of the list on who’s important. Why can’t I just die. Why isn’t there some kind of assisted suicide for people like me. I’m just done. My time is up I’ve seen what there is to see and I’d like to just leave now.

To be honest, I don’t use Reddit very often, but I just wanted to see if there are others like me who go through the same thing. I’m 16 years old, and sometimes I feel as though I want to be in a state of complete depression. When I see people dealing with problems—whether they’re family-related or psychological—I find myself wishing I could feel what they feel or go through the same experiences. I’m not sure why, but I actually derive some kind of pleasure from thinking about this. It’s worth noting that I’ve been struggling with depression for most of the last two years, and it’s something that began at a very young age. What do you think? And please don’t worry—I’m currently at a level of awareness where I’m not entertaining any harmful thoughts or anything of that nature.