Roommate called in a 5150 on me after I was unresponsive 8 days ago. Got put in a white room in the hospital with a bed and tiny tv and told to just lay down but without real stimulation I was squirming around, laying my bare face on the cold floor, pacing, squatting, anything BUT laying down.

After 4 days of absolute Hell I was shipped to the psych ward in a different facility. While there I cannot believe the amount of insane shit and crazy people I saw, wrote most of it down to pass the time, even made doodles of the characters I witnessed and I plan on writing some kind of book about my experience.

It sucked. Nobody was provided deodorant, no nail clippers or way to trim my beard, we had to write using flexible pens, no shoestrings, toilet was bare metal-to-ass... I had to beg for new underwear and proper clothes instead of scrubs that constantly ripped at the crotch and I somehow managed to get shoes that were just small enough to fit in instead of grippy socks.

I was constantly stepping on eggshells; it was genuinely adult preschool, I have so many stories from only 4 days and there are people that've been there for months or multiple times. I did get to make a really cool bead bracelet though! Still wearing it right now, it felt stupid in the beginning but it was nice to feel like a child for 30 minutes.

Fuck alcohol, I am done, the trauma from this last week has finally done it.

After 5 months of not drinking, everything finally got so good. I finally got a place of my own, I had a full time job with tons of overtime. I felt like I could handle it. When I finally picked up the bottle again I completely blacked out for 2 weeks straight. I called out of work and the crazy part is that they were willing to work with me as long as I kept checking in. I was too drunk to remember. My husband tells me that he tried to get me to go back to work and I flat out said no, that I shouldn’t have to work. We ran out of money, right before rent was due so now we’re scrambling to make ends meet. Bless his heart he tells me that everything will be okay because I always bounce back but obviously I can’t ever touch the shit again. I fucking cut off all of my hair and don’t remember it. I even tried to stop cold turkey and for the first time had visual and audible hallucinations. The thing I remember most vividly about that experience was how the voices were so fucking mean and vile. I just remember walking around my house trying to stay awake because I knew the nightmares were coming and I wasn’t used to them like I was when I drank for 4 years straight. My mind couldn’t handle it. So I stayed awake and eventually when I went to sleep I felt my heartbeat slow down and woke up coughing and gagging. I literally felt my pulse rising as I regained consciousness. I’ve hit rock bottom. Again. And this time I have everything to lose. The only thing keeping me going is my amazing husband. He’s been here pretty much throughout the worst of everything I’ve been through in my adult life. And I deeply feel like I don’t deserve him. But he tells me it’s just a disease. He knows it’s not me. The anxiety of all of this is eating me alive. I feel like I’ve officially fried my brain and I can’t get out of this. I’m sorry for the rant I just wanted some place to vent. This is extremely eye opening. Nothing like I’ve ever known before. This is it. It has to stop.

As of today, it has been five years since I quit drinking

Ten years ago, I thought I couldn't quit. It wasn't until my health started to fail in a significant way that I knew things had to change.

Thank you to this community for being my main support network over the years. I wouldn't have succeeded without you.

The good since I quit:

1. My memory has largely recovered.

2. I have lost significant weight and puffiness.

3. No more gout flare-ups.

4. My emotions have largely returned. I can find enough enjoyment in activities and music to make it worth my time. I no longer need a beer buzz to feel super happy or sad.

5. I am significantly healthier in general.

6. 'Will there be alcohol?' is no longer the question that determines when and what I do each day.

7. I found new hobbies to replace the ones lost when I quit drinking.

8. I will likely make it to retirement and may have a normal-length life.

9. I no longer wake up with anxiety after sleeping 3-5 hours every night.

10. I am saving so much money by not buying beer every day or two and having alcohol be 25-50% of my restaurant expenses.

11. I haven't embarrassed myself due to being sloppy or a jerk while drinking since I quit.

The bad since I quit drinking:

1. I lost some friends I enjoyed hanging out with. Our interests don't overlap in the same way they used to. In general, I don't socialize as much as I used to.

2. I really miss beer sometimes.

3. I know there is long-term organ and memory damage. It will never be the same as if I never drank. 20 years of drinking will likely contribute to my death.

4. Life feels less exciting, although still okay—nothing like the first year, when everything in life seemed bland and gray.

IWNDWYT.

I have never felt more desperate and alone in my life. I wish I could explain more but I can’t think right now because I’m having a panic attack. This is not my first time getting sober and fuck does it get worse.

I had a few drinks left and I was toying around in my mind whether to just finish them and you know, quit tomorrow but tomorrow never fucking comes. There is always a reason, an excuse, a lie I tell myself to keep drinking.

So down the drain they went. My heart is beating so fast. I fucking hate this poison and the grip it has on me.

I have never posted here before, only lurked, but I am finally ready to unsubscribe and move on from recovery spaces. Before I leave, I wanted to drop my story in case another quiet lurker needs to read it today, because posts like this were always my favorite when I first started.

My last drink was December 31, 2024. I had already been cutting back for a while and decided New Year's Eve would be one last good time before closing the chapter for good. I didn't black out or get wasted. It was just a fun night, and when it was over, I was done.

I had no idea at the time that quitting right before 2025 started would end up saving my life, because the year that followed threw everything imaginable at me:

• Doing hospice care for my 20-year-old cat until he passed away.
• Going through a brutal, high-conflict divorce that went all the way to trial.
• Surviving a major Reduction in Force (RIF) at work in the middle of the chaos.
• Getting into a bad motorcycle crash that broke my leg, required multiple surgeries over the following months, and forced me to relearn how to walk.
• Being assaulted by my brother later that year, having to get a restraining order, and cutting off toxic family and friends who showed their true colors while I was down.

Any single one of those events could have been an excuse to start drinking again. If I had still been drinking when 2025 hit, I honestly don't know how I would have made it through.

Instead, staying sober allowed me to actually face all of it head-on and rebuild my life from the ground up:

• While recovering from surgery, I committed to the gym and just hit a full year without missing a week of workouts.
• I lost over 50 pounds and am in the best shape of my life.
• I taught myself how to cook and bake from scratch instead of relying on takeout, and I barely ever eat at restaurants anymore.
• My home is peaceful, my career and finances are thriving, and my life is a complete 180 from where I was two years ago.

This sub helped a lot in the beginning just reading other people's perspectives. Today, not drinking isn't something I even think about anymore. It is just my normal baseline, so it feels like the right time to move on.

If you are quietly lurking here wondering if it is worth it, or if you can survive life punching you in the mouth without alcohol: you can, and the life waiting on the other side is better than you think.

Thanks for everything, and wishing you all the best.

IWNDWYT

Edit: I want to add to how I started off because it definitely wasn't effortless. I had real cravings for months and bridged the gap by crushing cases of NA beer whenever the urge hit, which eventually tapered down to seltzer water, and then to needing nothing at all once the habit loop finally broke.

Finally stopped drinking for 1 week, first time in last 6 months, next target 2 weeks :D

IWNDWYT

That fifth of shitty whiskey in my minifridge is looking really good right now.

Edit: Y'all are pretty awesome. I'm just thinking with my liver. IWNDWYT.

From 488 days to 0 three years ago; today, from 402 to 0.

Why? Because I can’t stand my life anymore. No friends, an extremely stressful job, …

This time, it actually would have been different—I’d been in psychotherapy once a week for the last 15 months to work through my underlying issues.

But I don’t know how I’m supposed to solve my problems.

The really strange thing was: I didn’t enjoy drinking at all; I even needed a few beers to really feel anything.

But the most interesting thing: alcohol always immediately flooded my brain with happiness hormones. BUT NOT THIS TIME—not even alcohol, my favorite drug, could make me happy anymore…

In any case: please don’t drink! It’s never worth it…

101 days without the poison, my life has changed for so much the better.

I’m 9.5yrs into quitting. I recently binged Bojack Horseman and finished last night…if you’ve seen it and you’re here, you likely understand why I’m so affected. They made a story from the inside, that simultaneously shows what it looks like from the outside. They really got it

Thanks for even considering.

This NA beer just became available in my local supermarket. Very nice taste and not flat compared to the original beer. Really recommend it if you like dark beer.

Got gas and walked inside and stood in front of the beer frig. Reached down for my starter 12 pack and felt a wave of pain. The whole play it forward tool came to mind. Walked out empty-handed. A nice Saturday morning will be had.

Man time flys. About the only thing I've done right is stay sober. I am grateful to be present in my life for the last 20 years. Lots of good times and not a single bad time as bad as it was when I was drinking.

I’m only 3 weeks sober but this week especially I have been feeling amazing. I broke my ankle last weekend and have been working from home and it’s as if every day that goes by I’m feeling better and better.

I done dry January the start of the year and it was hard, white knuckled my way through the month and drank straight after it. This time it’s different I just feel great and see no benefit alcohol will have for my life. Don’t get my wrong the first 7-10 days were rough however after that I’ve been feeling great day to day.

One thing I noticed is my resting heart rate and stress levels on my garmin have dropped significantly. My sleep has been the best it’s ever been in my life, my weight is dropping and anxiety I previous felt has just disappeared.

I have a holiday booked next month which I’m looking forward to as my first fully sober holiday and looking forward to Christmas sober this year!.

I have joined AA just for some support but haven’t worked the steps or got a sponsor.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting the last few weeks on my drinking and genuinely think the idea of drinking always out weighs the fun I have when I do drink.

This quote comes to mind- “Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything.”
This is pretty much how i feel about sobriety this time everything in my life is slowly getting better for stopping drink. Cant wait to see what the next few months has in store for me!.

IWNDWYT!

Pretty much what the title says. I’ve been battling this disease for 15 years and finally laying down the shovel. I’m going to inpatient rehab for 30 days and have never been before.

I worked with some great people who are getting me into a nice facility at no cost due to a grant.

What should I expect?

Had the day from hell yesterday, came home and told my spouse that I might have a drink (I've been dry since July of this year), he said he honestly wouldn't blame me and then he went to bed. I really thought about it, and then hung out with my son and played video games with him before bed. We had a great time and when I woke up this morning, all I could think about was how thankful I was to not be hungover. I was still a wreck from the day before and I wouldn't have been able to handle it at all. IWNDWYT

I really need someone to talk to about this.

I got drunk with some people. I got really drunk. After a point I dont remember anything. Next day when I woke up, I got some very very disturbing news. I knew one of the people in the group who had a crush on me, I tried to kiss her last night and she said no. Then later on we made out.

Then I kissed another one of the girls there who was also apparently reluctant but she kissed me back. I also told her i really like her.

Apart from that I said some bad things about a very close friend of mine who i absolutely love and even subconsciously I dont harbour any bad thoughts about them. And i have never bitched about them before.

I really need help. I did not mean anything i said or did. I am appalled as to how I could even do such a thing. I have been drinking for years and I have never disturbed anyone's boundaries. My own boundaries have been assaulted, I cant believe I made people uncomfortable. I dont recognize myself. For the past one year whenever i drink, i dont remember things. What is the explanation for me doing things that i dont recognize in the morning? like how could i do that. I am having a hard time living with myself.

Posting here for accountability. Been a little over 4 months since my last drink. I moved in with some trusted people and there's always been someone around in the evenings. Tonight everyone is off for the night and won't be back until tomorrow. I hear that little voice in my head that says "you could totally get away with drinking. No one will find out" (loneliness is a big trigger).

I'm not going to drink tonight. Am playing with the dogs outside for awhile. Then I'm going to put my pajamas on and play video games for a few hours and turn up the speakers as loud as I want!

I've been sober for the longest stretch in probably almost 15 years and I'd like to keep it that way. I hope everyone else is having a good evening, whether they are struggling, solid, or somewhere in between.

IWNDWYT

Myself ive been just cooking, playing on pc and also went for a long walk in the brisk fall air.

Happy Saturday and best wishes to all.

I've posted a few times here since I gave up alcohol at the beginning of July. Life has been an absolute rollercoaster since; I didnt even realize I had unlocked this achievement this week, 105 days to be exact today. I'll be 4 whole months next week!

As much as the first, we'll call them three months, were successful but challenging, it got a whole lot harder the last month...but for the best, whether I fully see it or want to admit it yet.

I had to make some really, really hard choices for my own sake that are still uncomfortable and I am still navigating. I pretty much walked away in many respects from my "old life". It's been tough leaving my close support system there for a new one where I am now. I packed up what clothes I had, my dog, and moved almost 900 miles from "home" to really hit the reset button. But, I have a lot more stability and routine beginning up again. I have a roof over my head; I'm not in my truck or hotels when I was lucky to afford it. I have food in a fridge, a reliable shower, basic necessities, and things that almost seemed like luxeries for a period of time. I was fortunate to find a small company that offered me a position and I start at the end of the month. I have the potential to clear six-figures a year, something that doesnt even sound real to be honest. Good things have compounded and kicked all the bad shit in the balls now that alcohol isnt holding me back.

Feels like a damn Shawshank Redemption moment crawling through a pile of shit to come out clean on the other side.

I will not fucking drink with ANY of you today or any day! To anyone out there; start now, start later, but start and don't stop! Your life WILL improve so, so fast.

Much love ❤️ have a great weekend fam!

Mannnnn I really learned that there’s no shortcut to this shit.. There’s no cheat code to sobriety. You really gotta go through the pain, the discomfort, and the moments when you feel like giving up. And I’m realizing that’s part of the lesson. You can’t keep running from the hard parts and expect to heal. Sometimes you have to sit with those uncomfortable feelings, face them, and allow yourself to grow through them. Sobriety isn’t easy, it’s hard afffff but neither is staying stuck in the same cycle. I’m tired of starting over, and I genuinely want better for myself. One day at a time.