So I'm 28 years old, and I first tried smoking at 16 and really started habitually smoking around 17-18. But recently I've been really trying to get my life together before I hit 30, or at least roll back some of the bad habits I have, starting with gambling, and now I've moved on to smoking.
Now I should note that I've never smoked or taken a single hit off a cigarette in my life. In fact, all of my smoking, aside from maybe the handful of times I've hit a nicotine vape or smoked a cigar, has been weed-related. But the reason I post in here instead of some weed sub is because people will just say do edibles, but I don't care for the high. Sure, I like a little high, but I don't like getting really fucked up. It's more about the ritual or act of smoking I enjoy. Like there's nothing better to me than driving home late at night listening to the Joey Diaz podcast smoking a blunt, or since I work remote, I love grinding all day and smoking at my desk like a Chinese businessman. Jokes aside, it's gotten pretty bad. I probably smoke a two-gram cart from the dispensary every week and a half or two weeks, but my coughs have gotten worse and the bills definitely add up.
Overall, I'd say I'm a pretty active person where I work out (lifting, jiu-jitsu, walks, etc.), but I'm also someone who constantly thinks about the future. I've been putting money away and investing too, and I know it sounds like rambling, but I read that 40% of smokers, maybe in some cases even lower, make it to 80 years old compared to like 70-80% of nonsmokers. And if I'm doing all these things for the future and smoking will prevent that, is it even worth it? I've also read if I quit by like 35, I can reverse a lot, if not all, of the effects of my 10+ years of smoking.
Like I said, I know it sounds like a lot of rambling, but it's been really weighing on me lately. Like I'm in Japan now and will be forced to take a two-week break, but I see all these people smoking (not weed) and it's like damn. I also think, is it really worth it to live to 90? Just speaking my mind here, and I don't know, I'm looking for every reason to keep smoking or even just try to keep it social. But deep down I know if I have it, I'll smoke every day, and I don't want to quit as I feel like it keeps me productive. Sometimes I'll work three hours and lose interest, and I'll smoke, and maybe it only locks me in for another hour, but it reengages me. I feel I can be productive while smoking. I mean, last year I made 200k, but I worry if I don't smoke, will I still find interest in certain things or be able to lock in when it gets boring?
Another thing I should mention is that I've always felt like I've had a bit of a quick fuse, especially before I started smoking. Sometimes I get angry or frustrated over things, and smoking has helped me take a step back, relax, and look at situations from a different perspective. There have been plenty of times where I've been pissed off about something, smoked a little, and realized it really wasn't that big of a deal. I'm not saying it's the healthiest way to handle emotions, but it's something I've noticed over the years. So that's another thing I worry about with quitting. Will I still be able to relax and look at things the same way, or have I just gotten so used to smoking that I feel like I need it to calm down? I genuinely don't know.
I guess that's where I'm at. I know there are plenty of reasons to quit, but I also genuinely enjoy smoking, and it's hard to imagine giving it up after it's been part of my life for over 10 years. I'm really just looking for some honest advice on my situation. Am I overthinking the health risks, or am I making excuses to justify a habit I know I should probably give up? Is there a realistic way to keep smoking occasionally, or am I better off quitting completely, knowing my tendency to smoke every day when I have it around? I'm especially struggling with the idea of giving up something that I feel helps me stay productive, relax, and enjoy certain parts of my day