My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months and living together for 3. I moved in relatively early because my living situation was messy, and he offered to let me move in without paying rent, so at the time it seemed like a great opportunity. About 2 months into living together, we were lying in bed when I rolled over and saw him looking at porn on X. I got upset and left the room. We talked about it, and he said he would stop. Eventually, I caught him doing it again, and I went through his phone. In his hidden photos, I found two different videos of me that he had recorded during sex without my knowledge or consent. I also found hundreds of saved screenshots of porn videos and girls on X. I love him a lot, which is what makes this so difficult. But finding those videos completely changed how I feel around him. I no longer feel safe, and I don’t know how I could ever trust him the same way again. I keep thinking about the fact that he recorded me without my knowledge, and I feel sick knowing those videos exist. This morning, I caught him looking at porn on X again while he thought I was asleep beside him. I’m torn because I love him and want to believe things could get better, but I feel like something fundamental has been broken. I don’t know if this is something that can be repaired or if I’m just prolonging the inevitable by staying. Part of me wants to pack my things and leave while he’s at work so I can avoid a confrontation. Honestly, I’m afraid to talk to him about all of this. I also feel guilty because I found the videos by going through his phone, and I keep wondering whether that makes me wrong, too.
Has anyone been through something similar? Can trust ever be rebuilt after something like this? Would you try to fix the relationship, or would you leave? And this has caused me to wonder if this is just what relationships are like now. This is one of my first long term relationships..I am not very experienced in dating.

But the second someone criticizes any man, a whole fleet of them show up in the comments demonizing all women.

They call us miserable old single cat ladies (which, I fail to see what’s miserable about that), call us all kinds of gendered slurs and names, but if we dare to react we’re hysterical. We’re trolls. Femcels. Whatever new buzzword their stupid rapist “alpha male” du jour taught them.

I don’t respect men as a whole. Because men as a whole don’t deserve it. I respect men who are decent humans and treat others as human. I am not sorry for having standards. And I don’t understand how men are allowed to have endless impossible standards but we aren’t allowed even this one.

I searched my name and town to see what was online. Found something on a 4chan archive website. The thread was people sharing naked pictures of girls with their full names and locations attached. Some loser posted my name school and town I lived in asking for help finding naked pictures of me. No such photos have ever existed so he didn’t find anything. I don’t know who did but I suspect it was a guy I went on a few dates with in college who had a meltdown and acted like I left him at the alter when I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship. I saw two posts of this dumbass begging for help in finding anything on me. No replies.

I am literally a FUCKING TEENAGE GIRL. WHY TF WOULD YOU AS A GROWN FOURTY YEAR OLD MAN TELL ME I CANT WEAR A CROP TOP BECAUSE “WE DONT KNOW WHAT TURNS ON THESE BOYS” (my fucking brothers). WHY AS MY MOTHER WOULD YOU ALLOW YOUR SON TO TRY TO BREAK IN THE DOOR WHILE IM IN THE BATHROOM. Why would you laugh and joke at the fact that your SON tries to look at you naked.

Why do I have to cover up to not turn on my brothers?? WHY WOULD YOU BE SCARED TO PUT YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE ROOM WITH YOUR SON BY HERSELF AND BE OKAY WITH IT?! I am so fucking tired of living like this. Why do you see nothing wrong with this?

(This was all spurred because my parents were watching a movie where a boy walked in a girl getting dressed and my mom asked why he took so long to close the door and my step dad say because he’s a boy. like that justifies being a creep. I hate him so much. I hate him.)

It’s so uncomfortable in my house my mom told my EIGHT year old sister to ‘stop throwing her (p word for vagina Idk if I can say that) around to get what she wants’

And they wonder why I want to leave.

#ihatemen

#andwomenwhocondonethem

I think after discovering the horror show of what the men in power of the world are doing and how they shaped our culture and idea of sexual attraction everyone has been a lot more observant and critical. I think this can absolutely be a good thing in a lot of ways. We're finally discussing things like grown men targeting barely legal teens, childlike themes in pornography, sexualizing school girl outfits, how women are pressured to be more childlike and docile and to never age. How we talk about women and teen girls and what's advertised to them, etc.

But I've noticed along with this whole conversation there's been a pretty concerning undercurrent of unintentional body and just general shaming. It's something I picked up on as a woman who is 5'0 and just not curvy myself. I am not any less intellectualy capable, mature, or able to consent than any woman my age who happens to have different genetics that change her height and bra measurements. And it has been very distressing to be made to feel like the things that I can not change about my body are morally deplorable. That I can not be loved by someone because it means they're a predator. That not having the desired curved doesn't just mean I'm not pretty, but that I am a moral hazard.

Something people unlike me may not realize is that being of smaller stature already means people view you differently. You're not taken seriously, and people treat you as a child even if you're mentally capable. And this argument just confirms that. That somehow the length of our bones and distribution of muscle and tissue dictates our intelligence and if we're lovable by the rest of the population. It imposes guilt onto women who arent the proper body type. It tells us that our sexual desire is wrong and at worst that by us having sexual desires, trying to look sexy, or looking for a partner like any other woman our age, that we are pedo baiting. And that is not ok at all.

The point I'm making is that when we discuss these sorts of things we need to be mindful not to generalize or criticize things someone can not control like body shape. We need to be careful that we aren't labeling someone unlovable based purely on physical appearance. Same could go for someone with a disability, such as being nuerodiverse or physically disabled. We need to understand when we're pointing out a legitimate and concerning power imbalance instead of broad brushing anything that vaguely resembles one. We need to have nuance and understanding of what we're criticizing and why.

For example I think it would be fair to say that petite women can be more vulnerable to being physically overpowered than someone of standard height. That's generally true, and it's something we can address without shaming the woman or calling her unlovable. Anyways, there's my tangent I don't know what else to say. Short people are still people please treat us like people. Don't fall into the eugenics trap of measuring skull shapes to decide intellegence and all that shit

I know so many dudes who talk complete nonsense yet they are usually quite confident saying it , unfortunately its not same for women. I have spoken to women from diverse backgrounds and often about topics they are confident about , yet its not the same. A lot of women know 100% of a topic yet they'd constantly say things like "look it up as well " , " so this is how xyz worked , if that makes sense"

I know this is due to complex reasons but I hope all the women unlearn their internalized sexism about this. ( hopefully not become like those men who are confidently incorrect though lol)

I never had a big group of friends, only a few close ones. But for whatever reason(s) I gradually lose the ones I became close with in a given life stage. E.g, lost the friends I had in kindergarten when we went to school, lost the one I had in primary school when going to middle school etc.

I guess it’s partially due to being an introvert but I’m starting to think something is also inherently wrong with me.

Oddly specific, but over and over again I’ve made it very clear to multiple men that I don’t like them. I insult them, I don’t let them touch me, I tell them I hate them, I tell them to leave me alone, and in the end they almost always understand my obvious hints of dislike for them as hints that I like them and am definitely autistic. Either that or they say I have a “black cat personality.”

Like this is a real strange phenomenon

It was made by a man and the long and short of it is "men fall in love right away based on what she looks like, whereas women fall in love slowly by getting to know the guy." And I'm left there thinking, how on earth can you love a person you don't even know? You can't really be loving that person, you have to be loving a mirage that you imagined.

And then I started thinking, that's why a lot of men (SOME, especially the young and inexperience, not all) get angry when women do normal things like cracking jokes, farting, or being a flawed human being. They probably get a feeling of being something like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz when the wizard's curtain is lifted and it turns out that there is a person there.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years, but lately, I’ve been feeling like he doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. I can’t tell if he’s fallen out of love with me, if he’s no longer attracted to me, or if we’ve just gotten too comfortable in our relationship.
In the beginning, he would buy me flowers, take me on dates, show affection in public, and constantly want to touch me. He was very affectionate and made me feel wanted without me having to ask for it. Now, it feels like getting him to hug or kiss me is a chore. He rarely initiates affection, and if I don’t ask for his attention, I often feel like I won’t get any.
Our sex life has also taken a significant hit. We have sex maybe once a week, sometimes twice, and most of the time, I’m the one initiating it. I try to initiate pretty much every day, but he usually tells me he’s too tired or just isn’t in the mood. I understand that nobody is going to want sex all the time, and I don’t expect him to, but what hurts is feeling like he rarely wants me anymore.
Even the little things have changed. He used to grab my butt, touch me playfully, and make it obvious that he was attracted to me. Now, he hardly touches me sexually unless he’s already in the mood for sex. There are times when I take my bra off around him and he doesn’t react at all, whereas before, he would have shown some kind of interest. I know that might sound small, but when so much affection has disappeared, I find myself overthinking every little thing.
I’ve talked to him about how I feel, and he insists that he’s still attracted to me. I want to believe him, but it’s hard when his actions don’t make me feel that way. I miss feeling desired. I miss feeling like he couldn’t keep his hands off me. More than anything, I miss feeling like he genuinely wants to be affectionate with me instead of feeling like I have to ask for it.
I know relationships naturally change over time, and I’m not expecting the honeymoon phase to last forever. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want affection, intimacy, quality time, and to feel wanted by my partner.
For those of you who have been in long-term relationships, is this normal? Have you experienced a similar change in your partner’s behavior without them actually falling out of love? Or would you also start questioning whether your partner still felt the same way about you?
I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives because I can’t tell whether I’m overthinking things or whether there’s a real issue in our relationship.

Maybe I should put it more clearly because the answers dont really match my question. (37F)

I can orgasm by clitorical stimulation - it takes a lot of time and effort but I can do it. The clitorial orgams produced by stroking my fingers across the clit feels like spasm inside my vagina/pelvic floor, but it is caused by external friction only.

I can do it even when having something inside me - such as penis for instance.

I tought it is the goal for women who cant have vaginal orgasms to at least have clitorial orgasms while having an intercourse.

Whenever I achieve an orgasm through the clitorial stimulation while having someting inside the vagina (menstrual cup, penis, even tampon), it ruins the sensation for me. If I have something in, the spasms are interrupted by whatever is inside and the pleasant feeling are diminished by 80 %.

My question is wheter that was normal or usual as most women try to achieve orgasm during an interourse - but I feel I am completely opposite and I strongly prefer having nothing inside me while having and orgasm.

im in my early thirties now and lately ive been thinking a lot about how my friendships have evolved over the last decade. in our twenties it felt like everything was about chaos and navigating career stuff together and being joined at the hip. now it feels like people are branching out into completely different life paths some are having kids some are diving deep into careers some moved across the country. tbh i love seeing everyone grow up but navigating the sheer lack of free time and trying to keep those deep connections alive takes so much more intentional effort. how have your friendships changed as you get older and what actually helps keep them strong when life gets crazy busy

If my iron is up, my periods are floods. If my iron is low, my nails are made of paper. Being on the pill is a nightmare and I’m about to crash out. I’m guessing it’s not safe for my anaemic self to seek out blood thinners either. Has anyone survived this era? 😭

Hey everyone! I’m not sure if this is the right place to post about this but I’m going to be 30 this year and the pressure of motherhood is surprisingly revealing things about me! So I’m recently married and in an amazing relationship, best husband ever. Though I’m starting to feel this weird vulnerability of the family or anyone else expecting me to have a baby soon, they don’t push it on me or really mention it but I feel like people are waiting.

So far it’s been making me super uncomfortable it’s like I think conceiving is such a intimate thing and now that people really expecting me to have one is like gross to me like their worried about my sex life ya know idk. And also if I think about me being pregnant, I wouldn’t want anyone to see me pregnant except my husband! Sex is also becoming way more of a vulnerable thing for me which is weird because I was incredibly sexual before. It’s just feels gross and vulnerable

My mom was also a teenage single mother, and I always wonder if I am also feeling how she felt almost? They say sometimes babies can feel what their mothers do when in the womb especially just overall. Like being uncomfortable with people seeing a teenage mother, or feeling gross or shamed. It’s just so weird to me I never thought I would feel this way.

I do want kids, I know I do but I still feel very young like I said I want them at 34….. I just haven’t made the decision yet but it’s just the feeling that’s freaking me out like it’s not normal I feel very exposed

Anyways it’s kind of a rant but also idk

I looked for the flair but couldn't find the correct one so wanted to keep the top of this post evergreen and neutral to avoid triggering others.
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I was drugged and assaulted many years ago while at a very close friend's house. The person who committed the assault is someone I had repeatedly turned down advances from because he literally made my skin crawl. I had dated our mutual friend for a time and although that relationship fizzled out our friendship remained and he knew how I felt about the other guy.

One day my friend and I had made plans to hang out at his house and when I got there there were a few other people including the guy that made my skin crawl. At one point my friend handed me a drink and I mistakenly thought he had made it and only later found out that my future assailant made it as he was making drinks "for everyone."

I'm not going to lie my events of that night are fuzzy and come in waves. I remember creepy guy convincing my friend I'd had too much to drink and that my friend should carry me to my friend's
room (keep in mind this was after 2 drinks and it was only later I pieced together I was drugged). I remember creepy guy coming into the room later and trying to fight but my body not allowing me to put up much resistance.

I don't think about it often now, but I make sure my own children understand consent.

I've been married for over a decade and this is TMI but the entire time we've been together I literally can't stand the weight of him on top of me during intimate time or during cuddling. We've adjusted and I never thought about the why.

Last night I had a dream of an intimate time between me and my boyfriend prior to the assault. His weight didn't make me want to scream or push him off of me. Which is upon reflection how I remember it being with boyfriends prior to the assault.

To make it clear I don't have any feelings for the ex boyfriend and it's not like that dream has an ounce of I want to go do that.

I love my husband entirely. But it was kind of a sad and startling realization that the reason I can't stand his body weight on me and it sends me into a panic where I literally feel like I can't breathe or if during cuddling will actively bite to get out of that position.

To clarify I don't think my husband is nefarious in this at all. Neither of us have really understood why I feel like this so it was just a quirk. I'm still not sure i want to tell him the why although we did talk about the assault many years ago while dating.

But it's sad scary to realize how that one incident has impacted this facet of my life even after this many years.

I got into video games a bit with my boyfriend and we played RDR2 together. I loved it! my ONE complaint was that I couldn’t play as a character who is a woman, like Sadie. I’m sorry for anyone here who isn’t into video games but I’m so excited to play this as a woman! You can even get her nails done and change hairstyle and clothes!

Married for 4 years, together for 8. I'm 44f he's 42m. We've immigrated to a new country and our paperwork and ability to get further permission to stay here permanently is very dependent on each other.

He's had an anger problem. He gets triggered by seemingly nothing. Example, I disagreed with him on how useful it would be to enroll in a particular governmental program. This enraged the shit out of him and he said extremely damaging things to me. Another example, I had pulled my shoulder in a hotel while traveling and he started to panic. I told him it would be ok and for whatever reason, he went into a rage. He's broken many things including some of my things in the past.

I know it sounds crazy. That's cuz it is. I'm definitely not perfect but his rage at random shit situation is so nuts.

We've talked about it. He knows he has a problem. It occurred less often after immigrating and having better life circumstances, but it still happens. I find myself disconnecting to stay safe. I'm always on guard for the next out of control shitfest he'll try. He tries to cuddle me in bed and I just tolerate it so he won't feel bad and go into an emotional shit show about it... Which feels awful for me.

Sex is infrequent but at least consensual. I mean.... We're mammals. I should probably stop having sex with him if I'm thinking of divorce.

After his last blow out, I've made it clear I'm of the opinion we're not going to last. He wouldn't take my distress over his rage issues seriously, he wouldn't take the damage to the relationship seriously, but he's taking me seeing an end to the relationship seriously. This shows he doesn't love me but he wants me around.

I feel I've abandoned myself in order to stay safe in this relationship and that must end.

I've got to tolerate this situation for another year or so until we get residency status. He doesn't know that I'm thinking of divorcing even tho I told him I don't see us making it. After all, those are two different sentiments.

I also do love him, care about him, and he's family. He's part of my life, we've been there for each other. He saved my life during a years long medical crisis. He's really trying to improve.

...But the idea of being alone without him gives me so much peace.

I've got to at least figure out how to get thru this next year living with him while not abandoning myself.

Hi ladies! Looking for some advice because I'm starting to feel genuinely uncomfortable.

I ended things with my ex and blocked him a while ago, but he keeps calling out my name and taunting me when he sees me around Barcelona. Today, he appeared right outside my apartment building as I was leaving, insisting on getting his sunglasses back.

I don't know whether these encounters are coincidental, but his behavior has been unsettling, and I'm worried about potential stalking or escalation into violence. It's especially frustrating because I no longer feel safe coming and going from my own home, particularly late at night.

Part of me wants to unblock him and firmly tell him to leave me alone, but I'm worried that reopening communication will only encourage more contact.

Would you keep him blocked or send one final boundary message? Has anyone dealt with something similar, and what helped? I'm also considering contacting the police for advice.

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences. ❤️

I can already smell the “not all men” from a mile away so here is my obligatory obviously I know it’s not all men. If you felt defensive reading my post you are a part of the problem.

I’m 18NB, so not a woman, but I’m AFAB and fem presenting so I pass as cis. I had not only my first, but my second at work experience with creepy old men today. (I started working at a grocery store about a month ago, for context). I had one man who left something behind at my register come back for it and he was trying to get my attention. Instead of saying “excuse me” or even just tapping my shoulder, he trailed a finger down my spine. I whipped around genuinely shocked and I must’ve done something with my face because he looked a little bit confused/startled when I turned around to look at him. I helped him get his things and he left and nothing else weird happened. A few hours later, another older man came through my line. He called me “sweetheart” when I greeted him which I didn’t immediately interpret as weird because a lot of elderly people, both men and women, will call me sweetheart when I greet them. However it became weird when I finished ringing up his items and told him to have a nice day. He thanked me and then told me to “stay pretty” and said I was “very beautiful.” I didn’t even know what to say so I kinda just awkwardly thanked him and just had to process that for a minute.

Like, seriously? Trailing a finger down my spine??? Fucking “stay pretty”???? I’m just tired of this and so exhausted of being my birth sex. Can I just be treated like a normal person or is that too much to ask?

Hello! I recently got into my first relationship(19F), which was really hard for me because of my BPD. But I’ve noticed a... problem with myself. I'm fine with holding hands, hugging, or cuddling, but kissing or sexual intimacy literally makes my stomach hurt. I feel like I'm the weird one, while everyone around me seems pretty normal about these things and has no hard feelings at all. I feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship ever again for this reason alone. I don't know if it's right to post this on this sub but I just wanted to seek some other thoughts on this..