- Charles Bukowski

Pretty much the title. The person you fell in love with no longer exists. The person you're begging to, trying to convince and pining for, they're somebody totally different in the same skin. It's not worth it. Mourn for a month, mourn for a year, but mourn them like they're dead and f*cking move on. You have a worth, a soul, a conscience and a life it live to its fullest.

I asked my ex to break up, and his response was, “Are you sure? If that’s it, I can’t argue with that.” The smoothest breakup I’ve ever had.

I miss you so much, and am so sad to have lost you. I am grieving, reflecting, and trying to grow from this moment. I am thankful for what the space has provided me. Time to take accountability, show up differently, reflect on the hurt, and think about who I want to be, my needs, what I want in a partnership, and how much pain was driving my decisions.

I want us to have a better partnership. I want to make decisions out of joy not panic, because I love you. And yes I wish that we could grow while apart and figure out a way to come back to each other in a transformed way. But that is not the only way to move through this.

Just know, you have a home in me. If you want it. But only, truly, if after this space and time, after thinking and reflecting, you truly want it.

I was scrolling on my phone earlier and came across something about how breakups aren't always hardest during the big emotional moments, but during the random little things you used to do together. And that thought really stuck with me. It's not always the big memories or special occasions. Sometimes it's seeing something funny and realizing you can't send it to them anymore. Or hearing a song you both liked. Or having something exciting happen and instinctively wanting to tell the one person who used to hear about everything. I think that's what makes breakups so difficult. You're not just losing a person. You're losing all these tiny routines you didn't even realize had become such a big part of your life. And the world just keeps moving like nothing happened. I wonder if that's why moving on takes so long. It's not just about getting over someone, it's about learning how to live through all those ordinary moments without them. What's the smallest, most random thing that made you realize how much you missed someone?

really need to know, need some light

Im probably an a*hole because im the dumper.. I love him but I broke up because we drifted away and he took me for granted after 10+ years, but he started dating someone else after 3 weeks only!!!

I want him to be happy and find somebody that better fits him, but couldn’t he take a few months to heal?! If this relationship ends up working, it just means what we had wasn’t that important, because how else would you forget all our years and just walk to the next best thing?! If this had started after 6 months I could understand.. but 3 weeks?! Come on!

Hey all. I'm currently 3 months out of a 12 year relationship. GF decided to cheat on me and she got caught. Tried explaining to me but I wasn't having it. She tried friend-zoning me while keeping up with her side dude. I told her she was delusional and that I no longer trust her and that's the basis of any kind of friendship and relationship. I will admit that I did harbor feelings for her and didn't go non-contact right away. Until last week that is. She called me crying that she knows she's losing me and after a 12 year relationship, she can't imagine me not being in her life at all anymore. I snapped. I went off on her, basically telling her that she is the cause of this. That if she ended the relationship BEFORE anything happened with the other guy (who is married btw. So add Homewrecker to the list of what I call her now) then maybe down the road we could be friends, but she ruined that too. That's the moment I said I was done giving myself and my love to people that do not deserve it.

In short, to the heartbroken, please take a step back and really analyze the situation. Does this person really deserve your love and time? Most times they do not. So stop giving it to them. Block them, heal, and move forward. Have a great weekend everybody.

Tldr - advice on dating again after you’ve been in a relationship incredibly attractive?

Hey everyone,

Just broke up with my boyfriend today 😞

I didn’t want to at all, but he worked 17 hours a day 7 days a week and when I was at my wits end and BEGGED him to make some time to see me more often, he told me no.

There is obviously more to the story, but that’s the long of the short of it.

My question is, what is your experience like after being in a relationship with someone supernaturally physically attractive? Like that’s not even my personal opinion, he was a high fashion model for several years and my friends/strangers would make comments about how beautiful he is. I just don’t know how I can date someone who is just above average attractiveness level after dating someone who was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. I just need encouragement that I will find love again and someone physically attracted to haha

Well a few days ago I dumped my partner as I feel that he is just avoiding me for no reason during this LDR or maybe lost interest in me because the communication gap has been stretched from a few days to weeks... So I just sent him many paragraphs and ended to which he just left on seen.

Well he made me the happiest when I was with him, he was the best in sex too, and very brave and straight forward and my favourite travelling companion.

I'm scared I'm never gonna find someone like him again or even if I do find someone maybe I'll not enjoy my time with others how much I did with him cause we just had a great time with eachother.

I guess maybe he can find someone else and recreate those moments but for me even if I recreate i don't think I'm gonna find that much comfort and happiness again how much I had with him.

The way I used to speak, behave, etc it was all unfiltered with him because I felt so safe with him and the way he just pulled back entirely in LDR breaks my heart.... He didn't even care to reply to my breakup texts which breaks me even more and I also don't have any hopes that he will ever reach out + I don't know how to move on from such a person who literally made me feel the best and then suddenly pulled back.

I did the grieving, I did the anger, I’m past the point of wanting to reconcile. You’re a broken person. Wanted me to seem as horrible as your mind made me out to be. But I wasn’t. One day you may realise, maybe the delusion is so strong you won’t. Either way I don’t hate you. All the time spent you threw away. It is what it is, I have made many come backs in life. Praying for you. Get the help you truly need. Living in the idea that everything is perfect and okay in your world will only last so long.

I still love you, but I’m disgusted.
I’ll still be polite if you reach out someday. You know that too. Learn to think about your actions.

My ex and I recently broke up. He pushed me away, treat me as if he didn’t love me, and keeps saying it’s over. If this was the scenario, do you guys still love us women or you’re totally done like we don’t exist in your life anymore?

Loved her so much and now In a confused state how I'm gonna get her out from my heart !!!

You discarded me after begging for me back. I gave you a second chance, I treated and loved you fairly, I took care of you despite you hurting me so much and you sent a message at night and blocked me after as a unilateral decision to end our 1+ year together. I believed you when you promised change, apologised and said you loved me.

Now, after 33 days I realise you never did. You loved attention and validation, you loved feeling loved, you loved feeling important. And it’s starting to disgust me, but I feel bad for you more than anything as the anger and sadness starts to fade. My life seems more colourful without you, though some days have been hard. I guess you held me back in some ways because I devoted all my time and effort into loving you, just to get jackshit nothing back till the end.

You’re manipulative, emotionally abusive, a liar and a narcissistic and avoidant half-of-a-lover. I don’t think how you treated me should be how you treat anyone, and I believe that’s probably how you treated all your exes you called crazy too.

Despite everything, I wish you well. I hope you heal from your injury that I tried to care for you through. I hope you seek therapy and heal from whatever mental ailments cause you to act like how you did. Maybe you won’t see it now, nor in your next relationship or the next 10 years, but hopefully eventually. I hope you find your own happiness and you get what you wish for. But I hope I never hear about it.

I love you, but I don’t want you back anymore.

It’s been 3 months since the breakup, no contact etc…but last week and a half my nervous system has entered into a complete disregulation.

Pain in my solar plexus like I can not breathe, overwhelmed nervous system, can’t focus, disassociated…flight or fight is on…like my system is stuck in perpetual panic.

My HRV hasn’t seen green numbers for 3 months. Going to the gym became a no go since I feel like I’m going to pass out as soon as lift weight…

Can’t recall this with any breakup before….its kicking my ass this one…I thought I was getting better but getting humbled here 😐

Doing meditation, walks, acupuncture, chats, sleep okish, eat ok…but lord!!!

I don't even know where to begin. I'm sitting here trying to understand how my entire life could fall apart in what feels like a single moment.

My boyfriend of over seven years broke up with me, and I honestly don't know how to process it.

He wasn't just my boyfriend. He was my best friend. He was the person I shared my life with, the person I thought I would grow old with. We built a life together. He helped raise my daughter, who is almost 15 now. We had a home, routines, memories, plans, and a future I genuinely believed we both wanted.

I thought we were a family.

And now I'm lying in our bed, holding his pillow and sleeping with his blanket because I miss him so much that I don't know what else to do.

The worst part? He's still here. We still live in the same house. I can hear him outside the bedroom, near his computer, living his life while I'm lying here trying to figure out how to live mine without him.

Sometimes I leave the lights on because I can't sleep in the dark without him beside me.

I feel pathetic admitting that, but it's the truth.

The past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. I lost my job. I've dealt with court issues, financial problems, tenants who haven't paid rent for months, and the devastating loss of a pregnancy. I have felt like life kept knocking me down, one thing after another.

But through all of it, I thought I had him.

I thought that even if everything else fell apart, at least I had the person I loved most. I thought we would get through the hard times together. I didn't need him to fix everything. I just needed to know we were still choosing each other.

We were also trying to have a baby. After two rounds of IVF, we got pregnant. Shortly after, we lost the baby. Even so, we kept trying, including going through IUI. It was emotionally exhausting and financially difficult. There were times I wanted to stop because I couldn't afford to keep going, but he wanted us to continue and said he would pay.

I believed we were fighting for the same future.

Then, suddenly, he told me he didn't love me anymore.

What I cannot get out of my head is what happened just before that conversation.

Days before he was still kissing me. Cuddling with me. Calling me babe. Telling me he loved me. Checking on me while he was gaming. Hugging me. Watching shows with me.

We had a getaway planned for three weeks later. We had future trips planned. There were things on the calendar that made me believe we were still moving forward together.

I had noticed he was quieter lately. He was staying up all night gaming and seemed more distant. But I thought he was stressed about school. I thought maybe he had a lot on his mind.

I never imagined he was preparing to leave me.

When he finally told me, he said he hadn't loved me for over a year. He said I had been a very good partner, the best, but that he didn't feel the same way anymore.

He said he had been sad despite having a partner and a family, a life his single friends would want. He said he wanted to be single and figure himself out. He didn't know what he wanted. He felt he had settled into a comfortable routine and needed to learn how to take care of himself.

He said he wanted to rip the bandage off.

And I just sat there, trying to understand how someone could apparently stop loving me a year ago and still hold me, kiss me, tell me he loved me, and make plans with me.

I was in shock!

Was any of it real?

Did he mean it when he told me he loved me? Did he change his mind? Was he pretending? Did he know he wanted to leave while I was still dreaming about our future?

I keep replaying everything, looking for the moment I missed. I wonder if there were signs I should have seen. I wonder if the fertility struggles changed something in him. I wonder if he felt trapped by the life we built.

I wonder if there is someone else, even though I have no proof of that.

I hate that my mind keeps going there. I hate that I am questioning seven years of memories because I can't understand how we got here.

He looked sad when he told me. I don't believe he cried, not from what I could see. My tears were flowing down and I could not look directly at him. But he seemed relieved to finally say what he had been thinking.

And I was left sitting there with a heart that didn't know what to do with itself.

A couple of days later, he started talking about separating our lives. The car I bought for him. My health insurance. My phone plan. Selling my rental property. Canceling my November flight.

Practical things. Necessary things.

But reading that message made everything feel real.

He was already thinking about how we would untangle our lives, while I was still trying to understand how the life we had could be over.

I replied that I would get everything sorted out. I didn't beg him. I didn't argue. I didn't pour my heart out over text.

But I wanted to ask him how he could do this to us. How he could walk away from the family we built. How he could watch me struggle through the worst year of my life and then become another heartbreak I have to survive.

I wanted him to hug me. I wanted him to hold me and tell me he didn't mean it, even though I know he did.

I wanted my best friend back.

And that is the part I don't know how to explain to people who haven't experienced this. You don't just lose a boyfriend. You lose the person you told everything to. The person who was part of your everyday life. The person whose presence made a house feel like home.

You lose the future you pictured so clearly that you never thought you would have to imagine a different one.

I keep thinking about the baby we wanted. The family I thought we were building. The trips we were supposed to take. The ordinary nights on the couch. The little things I never thought I would have to miss while the person is still sleeping under the same roof.

And I feel like I'm grieving everything at once.

I don't know how to stop loving him just because he says he doesn't love me anymore.

I don't know how to wake up tomorrow and act normal around someone who was my entire world and is now telling me he wants to to leave this home, this life we had.

I don't know how to accept that the person I thought would stand beside me through everything might have been emotionally gone long before I knew I was losing him.

I know I cannot force someone to love me. I know that if he wants to leave, I have to let him.

But God, I wish he wanted to stay.

I wish he had talked to me when he was struggling. I wish he had given us a chance to understand what was happening. I wish I had known that while I was trying to build a future with him, he was questioning whether he wanted one with me.

Most of all, I wish I could stop wondering whether the last seven years meant the same thing to him that they meant to me.

Because they meant everything to me.

I'm not writing this because I think he owes me a relationship. I'm writing because I am hurting in a way I have never hurt before, and I don't know what to do with all this love when the person I love no longer wants it.

Part of me still hopes he will wake up one day and realize he made a mistake. Part of me still hopes we can somehow find our way back to each other and be a family again.

And another part of me is terrified that he really is done, that he will leave this house, move away, and never look back.

I don't know which possibility hurts more.

Has anyone ever had a long-term partner leave like this? Someone who was still affectionate, still saying "I love you," still making plans, and then suddenly told you they hadn't loved you for a year?

Did you ever find out what really happened? Did they genuinely lose their feelings without understanding why? Did they ever come back?

And how do you survive living with someone you still love when you know they no longer want to be with you?

I don't need anyone to tell me I deserve better or that I should just move on. I know I will have to find a way forward eventually.

Right now, I'm just a woman who thought she had found her person, trying to understand how she became a stranger to him while he was still her home.

Undecided about how I feel after I sent my soon to be ex a message telling him that he is hard to love, and has anyone said it to him before? He shuts me out emotionally, and he admitted to lieing to me about being married. So he took away my consent to a decision. I'm done with him but I'm just so angry that he lied to that depth while being 'loving'. It's a mind fuk and i take full responsibility for doubting and not upholding my own morals. So, why I'm I even worried about how he will receive my statement! Never again.

Just left a really toxic relationship and feel like shit because I really didn’t want to leave but honestly have no choice anymore. I’m tired of being treated like a doormat. How do I cope with the fact I’m the one that ended things while also juggling healing from being treated terribly. It feels horrible. How can I make it stick and learn to respect myself so I don’t just go back like a lost puppy :(

I’m dumbfounded and don’t even know how to feel anymore.

I feel like they were so sweet when we were together but just turned in to this cold monster out of nowhere and discarded me.

I’m curious about something and would love to hear from people who have been through a difficult breakup.

Looking back, what would you have wanted help with to understand yourself or the relationship? Was it understanding why the relationship ended, recognising patterns you kept repeating, figuring out what went wrong, or knowing what you might do differently in your next relationship? Or was it something else?

I’m interested in what people feel they’re left trying to make sense of after a breakup.

What questions did you have that you wished someone could have helped you answer?

I don't even know where to start. We were together for 2 years. It was my first serious relationship and I thought we were going to make it. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago.

The reason was he said he lost feelings. There was no big fight, it just ended. And that's what hurts the most. For the first few days I was in shock. I kept checking my phone, thinking he would text back. Now I m just stuck in this loop where one minute I m angry and the next minute I miss everything about them. I have deleted photos but I haven't blocked. I don't know if I should.

My friends say I need to go no contact but its so hard.

For anyone who has been through this - how long did it take you to feel normal again? What actually helped you? Because right now I can't even sleep properly.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed to get this out somewhere.

Create time delays for yourself. Instead of saying forever try “720 hours” and make a countdown clock. Or if you feel like texting…..just put a timer on for 10 minutes, and another 10 minutes. Before you know it 4 hours has gone by. A day, a week a month a year+. Just let time drift do its thing.

Godspeed. I quit smoking with this “trick” and I’m doing the same thing with heartbreak . 63 days no contact 💪

I’m currently going through a breakup with my boyfriend of 4 years. Anyone going through similar and want to chat to relate and support each other?