My story — Can we find our way back to each other?
I’m 18, and my ex is 28. We were together for a relationship that meant a lot to both of us. We had real love, affection, and many beautiful memories, but we also had serious problems.
I made mistakes that damaged her trust, including messaging other women and giving my number to another woman at work, then lying about it. I regret those choices. We also had repeated breakups and reconciliations, and I sometimes became needy, pressured her, and struggled to respect her need for space.
In the past, she came back after some of our breakups, sometimes after only a day or two. We would apologize, reconnect, and try again. That history made me believe we could overcome our problems.
This time, things feel different. After we separated, I kept messaging her because I was afraid of losing her and wanted to fight for our relationship. She told me I wasn’t respecting her space, asked me to stop contacting her, and eventually blocked me on several platforms. I now understand that my intentions didn’t erase the impact of my actions.
We last saw each other at work, where we shared a warm goodbye, but she hasn’t contacted me since. I’m currently giving her space and trying to work on myself, although I still love her and hope we might reconcile someday.
I want to learn from my mistakes rather than repeat the same cycle. I’m not asking anyone to promise me she’ll come back. I want honest opinions from people who’ve experienced similar situations.
My questions are: Has anyone experienced a breakup like this, especially when their ex had returned in the past? Did time and genuine personal growth ever lead to reconciliation, or did you eventually realize it was time to move on? What would you advise me to do now?

I’ve been with my bf for 2 years. Lived together for 1. He treats me awful and we are just not compatible long term. I know I’m worth more I know I deserve more but for some reason I feel like this is going to hurt more than anything. Im trauma bonded and very codependent on him.

My ex and I were engaged two weeks ago. He blindsided me over text calling off everything and then he blocked me. I feel like I am in ruins and cant understand why he could do this to the love of his life. I dont know if it was another girl or his bpd but I was in it for life with him. I had my wedding dress and was saving for a house and now its all gone away so fast. I cant eat or sleep and my doctor had to put me on two more meds for my depression and anxiety. Even his family blocked me!

My and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years as of tomorrow but I think it’s time to be done. I’ve been thinking about it for a bit and thinking of wanting to explore other relationships. For context she cheated on me earlier this year with a bad person, but I decided to give her a second chance. It was a good choice and our relationship grew stronger but I’m not sure if I ever fully mended my trust. It seemed to me like she had partially been taken advantage of but I couldn’t be sure.

We’ve been long distance and recently she broke a boundary I set after the cheating situation. Simple one because I saw the behavior lead into the cheating. She swore she would stop but I’ve been watching her start again until she officially returned to the behavior. I called her and said I was upset, she kind of just took it and didn’t really try to explain why she was sorry. I got very upset and just hung up. I apologized for just hanging up and she said she wouldn’t do it again, then just said sorry. We haven’t spoken since and the longer time passes the more I feel like I can’t do this anymore. I want to see the next part of my life, I kind of want to date casually. I don’t think I’m a good girlfriend to her long distance either but I’m not sure if I should just work on it. I also feel mean breaking up right before our anniversary but part of me just needs to be done.

I’m really clueless.

Calling all the breakup elites, I need some help:

My ex (26F) and I (29M) were together for about two years and this was a serious relationship. We talked about marriage, kids, living together, the future, all of that. She ended the relationship because there were things she had been waiting on me to change, mainly how I reacted when I was frustrated/upset. I’m not going to pretend her concerns came out of nowhere because they didn’t. I’ve been working on that and I’ve genuinely noticed myself reacting differently lately. What confuses me is everything she said/did after the breakup.

She has told me she loves me and misses me. At one point the last time I saw her in-person (4 weeks ago) she literally said:
“I love you a lot. I know it’s not in the cards for now, but maybe it’s not a bad thing to be a little hopeful after all.”

She’s also told me that being around me sometimes makes her confused, but that she feels like the decision she made is one she has to stick to. She admitted that part of her wanted to try again, but that the bigger part of her felt like we needed to stay broken up.
So to me it sounds like she’s not emotionally 100% sold on being done, even though she’s still choosing the breakup. My counselor had suggested that we stay in contact about once a week, and we both agreed to that. For a while we were talking here and there, sometimes once or twice a week. The conversations were generally warm and normal. She even told me that the breakup wasn’t easy and that she missed me. Eventually, though, I noticed that I was initiating most of the conversations. I invited her to dinner one weekend, she already had plans, and she didn’t suggest another day. I replied politely and basically decided I wasn’t going to keep carrying the communication by myself.

I haven’t initiated since. We’re now around two weeks of no contact, which is probably the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking since we met. She also reposts TikToks that make me wonder what’s going on internally. One was basically about “being a leaver” and how your future self will thank you. More recently she reposted one about millennial women grieving the lives they were promised for being “good” and telling younger women not to follow the same life script. To me that one felt less directly about the breakup and more like she might be reassessing her life in general career, relationships, marriage/kids, finances, where she thought she’d be by now, etc.
Part of me wonders if some of the breakup content is her trying to reinforce/sell herself on the decision because she’s conflicted. Obviously I know TikTok reposts aren’t a crystal ball, which is why I’m more interested in the things she has actually said to me.

For people who have been the dumper or have dealt with an ambivalent ex:
Does this actually sound like someone who is on the fence emotionally, even if she’s currently choosing to stay broken up?

Do statements like “maybe it’s not a bad thing to be a little hopeful,” “I miss you,” and “being around you makes me confused” usually mean anything in the long run, or can people genuinely feel all of that and still never come back?

And in this type of situation, is backing away/no contact probably the right move? I hated feeling like I was becoming the person keeping the connection alive, and part of me thinks she needs to actually experience my absence and decide for herself whether she wants me in her life. I’m not asking anybody to tell me she’s definitely coming back. I’m mainly trying to understand whether I’m looking at real ambivalence here or just holding onto mixed signals.

"I am seeking advice on a relationship that started with intentions of friendship and future marriage, lasting wonderfully for one month. Through our conversations, it became clear my partner has a fearful-avoidant attachment style.
The cycle of withdrawal began when he suddenly vanished for a month, then returned. When I gently confronted him, he apologized and disappeared again for 22 days. Later, he withdrew for another 2 months and 4 days. When he returned, I tried communicating through a sequence of messages: a greeting, setting boundaries, a breakup notice due to the emotional toll, and finally a containment message. He never opened or replied to any of them. It has now been 17 days since my last message with zero contact.
I am serious and ready for this relationship, but I am torn and deeply confused: Is he genuinely interested in me despite his severe avoidance and fear, or is he just evading confrontation and running away for good? Please help me understand this behavior and guide me on how I should respond and handle this situation."

For context, ex broke up with me 10 months ago after a 1.5-year relationship and i went completely no-contact (blocked him everywhere). Lately, I’ve been around his friend group (bc my friends are also friends with them) at events. Instead of being awkward or ignoring me, they always dap me up, talk to me, follow me on social media. I just match their energy when they do but I know my limits. Why are his friends/closest friends so comfortable around me? (my friends hate my ex so they don't do any of that with him)

TL;DR: I ‘40M’ ended my relationship with my partner ‘48F’ while we are travelling. I accept that my past dishonesty, ADHD-related emotional dysregulation, and conflict responses caused harm, but I had also felt increasingly unsafe, constrained, and unlike myself for months. I regret how it happened but believe leaving was necessary.

I have been travelling abroad with my partner and we are a week and a half into our 3 month trip, and last night I ended our relationship. I am devastated and grieving, but I also feel I had reached a point where I could not continue.

I want to own my part. I have ADHD and struggle with emotional regulation, especially when I feel criticised, rejected, or overwhelmed. I can become defensive, emotionally flooded, and at times all-or-nothing in conflict. Early in the relationship, I also broke trust by maintaining contact with, and sometimes seeing, an ex without being honest about it. I understand why that created lasting insecurity and hypervigilance for her. These are not excuses; I am responsible for the harm I caused.

I have been doing life coaching and somatic/inner-healing work to understand my patterns: shame, rejection sensitivity, defensiveness, emotional flooding, and the urge to withdraw when overwhelmed. I have tried to pause, regulate, listen better, and repair rather than react. I know I still have work to do.

But this was not only about my behaviour or one argument. Over many months, I increasingly felt unable to be myself, have had my autonomy eroded whilst trying to rebuild trust, I feel unable to maintain friendships and relationships naturally, or make ordinary choices without anticipating criticism, conflict, or fallout. I felt myself shrinking, becoming less confident, less light, and constantly braced for the next thing that might upset her.

Last night, a difficult evening and silence between us brought all of that to the surface. We have been at the brink so many times over the past year or so. However, I can see that ending things during a trip, in that way, was shocking and deeply painful for her. I regret the timing and chaos, even though I do not regret recognising that the relationship had become unsustainable for me.

I think two things can be true: I damaged trust and contributed to her feeling unsafe, and the relationship eventually became a dynamic neither of us could sustain. I still care about and love her, and I am trying to handle the separation respectfully and safely.

My specific question: I would really appreciate hearing from people who have gone through a breakup while travelling together, especially where there was still love and care but the relationship had become unsustainable. How did you navigate the immediate practical arrangements and decide whether to continue the trip solo or return home? What helped you keep things respectful while giving each other enough space?

I don’t even know how to deal with the guilt of breaking up with somebody that you thought you was gonna be with forever. I (F21) just broke up with my boyfriend (M21) after basically 3 years together. We have been through so much together, through some really hard times but we are just growing so much at the moment and just growing apart.

We first split up in the summer after feeling like we were drifting and tried to work through it, but it just wasn’t working. I’m in a really good place in my life at the moment and he isn’t which is making me feel even more guilty as I feel like I’m adding to his sadness. We are just so different now to who we first were when we met (mainly me) and it just doesn’t feel right although I really felt like he was my person despite all the differences. Guilt is really eating me alive because no one did anything necessarily wrong in the situation it just isn’t working. I have this lump in my throat when I think about us and what we once had and it hurts man..

You used to be so negative, I always wanted to be positive and support you or get you out of the rut
But I started to understand. that you can only meet me, where you are, and I cannot control your awareness, intentions, or capacity to love me the way I would love you. Or hold it against you, that you didn’t see all the effort, Me chasing you since the beginning, or always engaging/carrying.
I can acknowledge that I hurt you, as I was hurt, without making your actions my burden to carry. I’ll grieve what hurt me, accept what is, and leave you, where you are. I can only take responsibility for what is mine: my actions, my healing, and the life I choose to live moving forward.

I forgive you.

I’m 19M, and I’m struggling to move on from a relationship that ended a while ago. Since the breakup, things have become emotionally messy, and I’ve reached a point where I genuinely want to change how I’m handling the situation.
My ex (20F) ended things because she no longer had romantic feelings for me and didn’t see a future for us. However, we continued talking after the breakup. Sometimes we’d joke around, flirt, and have conversations that felt almost like our old relationship. That made it difficult for me to accept that things had changed.
Over time, I became increasingly attached and started overthinking everything. I’d analyse her replies, worry about other guys, get jealous when she interacted with people from her past, and feel anxious when she didn’t respond. A good conversation would make me feel better temporarily, while silence or distance would send me back into overthinking.
I tried going no contact several times, but I’d eventually miss her and reach out again. I also struggled with respecting the distance she wanted. She eventually told me that some of my behaviour, including my interactions with her social media, was becoming too much.
I can now see that I was trying to maintain the closeness of a relationship that had already ended. My feelings made it difficult to accept her decision, and I kept looking for reassurance instead of allowing myself to detach.
There have also been incidents where boundaries were crossed. I regret my part in what happened, and I want to take responsibility without making excuses or expecting her to comfort me.
Recently, I’ve still found myself wanting to contact her, tell her I miss her, or apologise and ask whether we could give our friendship another chance. But I’m beginning to question whether I’m genuinely ready for friendship or whether I’m simply looking for a way to keep her in my life.
I spend a lot of time alone at my PG, and I think loneliness has made this attachment harder to break. Contacting her gives me temporary relief, but afterwards I end up waiting for another reply or analysing the conversation all over again.
I’m trying to understand how to break this cycle rather than continue repeating it.
**I’d appreciate advice from people who’ve experienced something similar:**
How did you stop the urge to contact your ex when you still had strong feelings for them?
How do you deal with jealousy and overthinking when you know your ex is free to move on?
Is it better to maintain complete distance until the attachment fades, especially when previous attempts at friendship have made things harder?
How do you rebuild your routine and social life when you’ve become emotionally dependent on one person?
If you’ve crossed boundaries during a breakup, what practical steps helped you change your behaviour and avoid repeating those mistakes?
I’m not looking for predictions about whether she’ll come back. I want to learn how to handle rejection, respect boundaries, and move forward without making the same mistakes again.

**TL;DR:** My ex ended our relationship, but we continued talking, which made it difficult for me to detach. I became obsessive, jealous, and overly focused on her replies and interactions with other people. I struggled with no contact and didn’t always respect the distance she wanted. Now I want to stop the cycle, work on my attachment and loneliness, and learn how to move on in a healthier way.
**TL;DR:** I’m 19M, and my ex (20F) broke up with me because she no longer had romantic feelings for me. We continued talking after the breakup, sometimes flirting and joking around, which made it difficult for me to detach emotionally. I became obsessive, jealous, and possessive, overanalysed her replies and interactions with other guys, repeatedly struggled with no contact, and crossed boundaries. She eventually made it clear that my behaviour was becoming too much, including my interactions with her social media. Despite knowing that we’re no longer together, I’ve continued reaching out because I miss her and feel lonely, and I still secretly want the possibility of reconnecting to exist. Recently, I’ve been thinking about apologising for the things I’ve done and asking whether we could try friendship again, but I’m worried that even my apology might be another attempt to keep her in my life. I want honest advice on taking accountability, respecting her boundaries, stopping the obsession, and finally moving on.

This is probably gonna be a long post so bear with me please. Plus I wrote like half of it and it got deleted so I’m trying again.

About 1.5 weeks ago my girlfriend and I (31) broke up. Were together for 1.5 years. I had a drinking problem that I didn’t properly address, mental health problems that I didn’t properly address, and just general shitty partner problems I didn’t properly address altogether.

I was drunk and home alone and initiated the breakup. It’s so sad but I don’t even remember most of the conversation we had. I guess I said something like “I’m just not ready to be in a relationship with someone like you right now”. It all spiraled from some stupid comment I made. She said she was just picking up dinner then heading home, and in my drunken state I suppose I thought it was taking too long to be JUST doing that (when it was really probably less than 30 mins) I said some insecure nonsense and it devolved from there.

I definitely have some major trust issues, I’ve been cheated on in a past relationship and never really put in any earnest work to heal from that. And I think I projected those insecurities onto this woman when she had never, not even once, given me any indication of infidelity or anything like that.

She was so sweet to me, so kind to me, so patient with me, so understanding with me, and I fucked all of that up. I love her and I’m really feeling like hers is the only love I want.

So this breakup happened a week before we were supposed to be going on a weeklong vacation together with her parents that she is now on without me. We had a brief interaction last night of sending some concert tickets to me (that we planned to go to together) which I initially accepted, but after a few messages and her reminding me that she’s on the vacation we were supposed to be on and saying “have fun at the show.” I just sent the tickets back. I never wanted to go without her anyway.

I’m struggling with the fact that this is all my fault. Struggling with the fact that my own actions and decisions hurt her immensely. I’ve been feeling like absolute shit but knowing that I caused her to feel like shit is just making it so much worse.

This was the woman I wanted to marry. The one that, for the first time, I imagined a future with and planned it with her, talked about it, was excited for it. All I want is to get back together with her right now but I guess I’m realizing there is quite literally nothing I could say to get any closer to that.

I know her love for me was so strong and I let her down so much. It feels wrong to give up on her and let this all fall into the past but like, there’s really not much I can do. I’m not drinking, got an offer for a better job, reconnecting with friends etc etc but it all feels really hollow without her. Everyone has said I need to do this for me and put in the work for me, which I’m doing honestly for the first time ever, but I feel like I’ll NEVER really let go of her. Yea, I’m doing this stuff for me and I want to be better for me, mostly, but there is a real part of me that wants to and is doing this for us.

Idk. This post could be longer but it’s already getting pretty long. Maybe I just needed to vent. Looking for some support.

I would love to talk to someone and maybe find a friend to play ow with.

I was in a rocky relationship for four years, they battled addiction, cheated, i ultimately forgave them because they really seemed to be trying to make an effort to be better and get their life together. I had a child with them, but their addiction spiraled every single time some kind of conflict between us came up. I did my best to be supportive and not cause any waves. But we had conflict with his parents.

The other month they ghosted me out of nowhere while on a trip with his family. I hvent heard anything since. I thought maybe he was sent to rehab again or something happened to him i was worried. So i checked his socials and his parents socials to find just pictures of him, he's fine. And he has commented on reddit quite a bit. I tried to reach put several times through it but got nothing in return. I even asked him to at least block me to let me know he didnt want to hear from me, but he did not.

I gave up trying.

I don't understand and am really confused what happened and why would he not just block me instead of seeing all my notifications? Was he trying to manipulate me or something? Did he want to see my messages for some reason? I'm so heartbroken it hurts physically. I never ever anticipated something like this from him. Now i wonder if all his love for me and our kid was just talk. This hurts so fuxking badly

She blindsided me two months ago over text, but We both love eachother so much, but she keeps pulling me close and pushing me away, she has kept flipping between it being over for good, and then missing me, it feels like she wants to be together, but doesn’t want to hurt me, so she pushes me away which is exactly what hurts me. She has said multiple times she regrets the breakup. She keeps saying she thinks I will be better of without her and that I deserve better, and it’s driving me nuts because I just want her. She keeps wanting to try and then giving up almost immediately. She said that this time for real she has made up her mind that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, after we went on two dates that went very well, but with no explanations on why. But every other time she has also said that it’s final, I am so confused and don’t know what to do. This time we have blocked eachother almost everywhere, except I have a couple places where I haven’t blocked her. It’s usually her that reaches out. Idk if I should give up hope at this point, but the pain of not being with her is just so big

I’m sorry if this is weirdly written I’m just stressed and confused.

Before anyone telling me to try to live my life or anything i do that. story in very short she was my ex, and i couldn't move on for 3 years even till now. I tried to reach out with email after she blocked me everywhere and changed her number (i am not the reason). The sad thing is I tried to move on, but no matter what she is still in my mine I hate myself for that. I can't even cry about it because I was taught to never cry and even tiers can't get out. So, i don't know what to do. I have date couple of girls some stayed with me for months, and some for weeks. But still I can't move on, I dont see myself but with her.

I might be over the place, but I can't really focus, I can't express how I feel because I don't know an emotion that can express it. I mean it isn't logical to grieve for 3 years because of a breakup.

I am at a point where I don't want any girl but her.

I am in my mid 20s, and dated her at my early 20s for 1 year. we couldn't continue due to really bad situation, (No cheating, no fights, she end it).

I mean me myself when i used to give dating advice and see the situation I am in right now I tell the other person don't be a p*ssy, or there is plenty of fish in the see. Now, I am in the same situation.

I know this is unhealthy, but what should I say it feels crazy to be in the same situation that I used to make fun of for other guys.

Me and my gf has been together for around 2 years. We work part-time at the same place (we met each other here and kept working even though both has separate full-time jobs) and had had ups and downs like others, but overall still pretty smooth.

We had a fight last week when I got a little bit heated up during a small argument (personally, it's much smaller than what we got through in the past, so as usual, I said sorry, left her alone for some times, then check up on her regularly). But this time, she kept ignoring me, saying she doesn't want to talk and such, and it has been going on for over a week now. It's gotten to a point where she seemed really frustrated at work that it really affected everyone's mood, so I tried to have a talk with her (about how she can share with me if there's anything bothering her aside from the argument, since I genuinely don't think it's the main cause for her anger these few days), but she just straight up brushed me off and ignored.

Yesterday, after getting emotionally drained, in the spur of the moment, I just texted that I can not keep supporting her mentally like this if she just refused to share anything, and if she still wants this relationship to go on, and after getting ignored (again), said that let's just temporarily break up if she's that unhappy. She agreed. Now I just sat here and didn't know what to do

Backstory: I (45f) spent the last 8 years believing this person (48m) was “the one”. Live together, both work from home, share our hobbies together, basically best friends and as close as two people could be.
We had a speed bump last year- I ended up taking mental health leave from work due to panic attacks, and realized that during this time of crisis I wasn’t as kind to my partner as I had been earlier in our relationship. I sought therapy, got on anti depressants, and was on a journey to heal myself and our relationship. During all of this, I discovered he was paying a girl on OF for porn content. He knew this was over the line for me, lied to me about it, but then came clean and we moved forward. I accepted his explanations even though part of me thought I wasn’t getting the whole story.
Fast forward to this summer. My partner sits me down and says he’s not happy, wants to break up, there’s no other woman but he’s just not happy with me and lists a long list of things that center on all of my deepest insecurities. We break up- we have no kids and aren’t married, so I give him some money to get him on his feet, let him take our car, and co-sign for an apartment so he can move out. I’m devastated. It was out of the blue for me, though he says he felt like it has been coming for a long time. I knew we had some kind of distance, but every time I would ask he said everything was fine.
Well- turns out (according to him) he was hiring escorts for online “girlfriend experience” type relationships for months. He ended up falling for one of his online girlfriends and dumped me. Then flew her to our city and hooked up, and eventually they broke up because he didn’t have a ton in common with a 20 something sex worker. Go figure.
Anyway now he wants to get back together. I asked him if he was telling the whole truth- like what about the times I was out of town and his location got turned off, or other things that I noticed but just put out of my mind over the past few years? I asked if he could share his bank and credit card statements just to show me that he was telling the truth about his activities paying other women.
He has refused. He said his therapist told him that I need to just give him a clean slate, and looking through his financials is just my typical controlling behavior.
I think he just doesn’t want to admit what he’s done, and doesn’t respect me enough to give me the whole truth and approach any reconciliation as equals.
I’m stupid for even having this conversation. Why is my heart so irrational. Help!

I dated a guy after 9 years of staying single. I’ve had a thing for him for about 5 years. As you can guess, when I fall, I fall deeply and I find it hard to get over it. Anyways, I was going through a lot in my life, I was vulnerable, he came back in my life, pursued me like crazy and then we were in a relationship for 3 months. I had to move back to my home country, and I told him from day 1 that I won’t be in the same country as him. He pursued me very hard, had a solid plan of how to make it work LDR and regularly expressed his desire to build a future and marry me. I never thought about marriage, it was simply too soon, I’m just saying this to show the overall effort he was exhibiting. He dropped me off at the airport, I cried. 12 days after I move back, he stops contacting me.

He got pissed at me for something meaningless, then he tried to calm down, he had to take a phone call and then never called back. The next day he sent a couple of Instagram links, but never called. I wanted him to call me and be a little apologetic for being unnecessarily rude but he never called. He was sick, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt, texted him and then called him back a day later, we speak like everything is normal. He spent hours talking about his work, his personal projects, all things he was investing time in while being fever stricken yet couldn’t text me once. I decided to take a step back after that call and see whether he takes a step to initiate, so the next day I decide not to call him and wait for him to call me. It’s gonna be a month and he hasn’t called. He didn’t even wish me a happy birthday yet viewed all my stories of people wishing me.

I feel like such a fool for trusting him. He has his fair share of flaws but he showed so much growth, so much commitment, so I genuinely believed him but now he left me hanging, with no explanation or closure, despite knowing how deeply I was affected and depressed by having to pack up my life that I built brick by brick only to move back home.

I feel like such an idiot for loving and trusting him, and I still wait for him to text me. I feel so so devastate, and broken. This is why I avoided relationships and men because I know I struggle to deal with heartbreak so much. I am already feeling so negative and hopeless about my life and all the things I care about and for him to psychologically torture me like this, I am so heartbroken. I never went to him, approached him, he is the one who came. I’m struggling to deal with it so much. How do I start feeling better?

this is a bit of a long read but bear with me.

i met this girl from my society in oct 2025. i was the one who approached her and started talking to her. i somehow got her insta during my first talk. we used to talk in insta for 2 hours cause she only had that much time during the day as due to jee prep. i was in 11th at that time and she was in 12th. i asked her about her previous relationships and she said i have had 3 fwb. 1) a guy from society who she kissed and she didnt even like him 2) her batchmate who she rejected and she told that he was the one who kissed her 3) drunk kiss with someone of her class. ALL OF THESE WERE MAJOR REDFLAGS but my dumbass ignored it

we got into a relationship and she after one month her redflags really started showing. idk it was me exaggerating it or not but she used to crush on celebs and other guys in our society and ask for their insta from me even though we have gotten intimate with each other. when i used to ask her abt clg she used to say ill block you when i go to clg and why would i talk to you when i am in clg (at that time idk if she was being serious or joking) she used to say that im not good looking enough compared to her and she always used to bring me down. and she never gave me her insta and she always made some excuse when i asked. IDK IF I WAS WRONG OR NOT

after all that it used to make me feel like ill never be enough for her or i am not good looking enough for her and the comments about clg and other guys made feel way too insecure. now i really dont know what to do. i feel like ill never be enough for anybody please help

Tl/dr; Struggling with the end of a relationship with an over promising avoidant.

Hey everyone, so Im not sure what Im looking for, if I need advice or venting.. Almost a year long and mostly long distance relationship, me female 35, male 45. Btw, though my opinions about him keep changing, and Im feeling like Im getting to a place now where I feel almost indifferent, there is no hate from my side and I’ll try to be respectful talking about him, not badmouthing but try to explain what happened as I see better looking from now…
The biggest problem for me to accept the ending here is, bc of the way this story had started. We met on a vacation, a remote place far from where each of us lives. Spent friendly time together couple days, walking around the city, talking about so many things in life, and by a chance really I felt so lucky that I met with such a nice, kind person, and upset that I wouldnt see them again bc how could I, then those days ended with me feeling really glad and lucky, thinking it is unbelievable. We were in contact through social media later, and in couple months he told me he found a job in a country close to mine, he would like to visit me before going there. I kinda felt he was flirting then but couldnt understand totally, I said why not, he came, we spent lovely couple days together with emotional and physical connection included. He left for the job, and for me it was over, bc he was far away, he had a different life, time difference, age, geography everything… the job situation changed and he told me he would like to come back to my city to see the connection again and what we have etc, before going back to his country. I remember telling him, I need a lot to sacrifice for this kind of relationship and it would be really hard for me so I cant. He tried really hard to convince me, told me specifically, I still remember to this day, I will change every one of these differences for us, except for my age which I cant. But others, I’ll change them and make this happen. I’ll do everything to stay in your country, enroll in a uni or buy a house even just to stay legally. So it started this way. What I cant digest is basically this, how can you push yourself into my pretty peaceful life with all those promises and then leave me with all this confusion, and why.
Throughout the relationship, I realized he was becoming easily angry, starting fights as if he enjoys it, everytime I give any feedback he regards it as “Im a failure and I suck”, he shuts himself off too easily, and it got like a habit for the last months for him to get distant, not really vulnerable with me and saying things like “my life is changing, I dont know”, anytime I ask for accountability… He never stopped saying I love you, but Im kinda realizing what we mean by love is not the same. Knowing damn well that we are fighting bc of his anger which appears in every side of his life, and admitting sometimes that he made me the victim of his anger for months, he gave me the reason of we are fighting too often and we are not compatible. I asked for him to see a therapist for his own sake before, he didnt, months into the relationship he self diagnosed a mental condition to himself and everything going wrong between us was bc of his condition and me not being understanding of that… He gave me some other reasons too as to why we shouldnt be together anymore. And I said ok this time, after couple other times before, I didnt text him again bc there is really nothing I can and want to say to him anymore. Im just left alone with my own confusion and there is nothing he can tell me anymore about it which I would buy. He texted me a week after the breakup conversation, long paragraphs why I deserve something better and he still loved me etc, I just told him pls dont text me this way and make it harder for me, just if anything different, tell me that or pls let me digest. After that its almost a month. I saw him for some reason removing my connection on airbn net, but still watching my stories on ig. My birthday is approaching, at the end of this month and Im really scared he’d text me stg similar “oh how much I loved you but I can’t, I dont know, youre the best”, and I need to spend hours emotionally digesting that that day and set the no contact clock again.
There is one more thing disturbing me to this day, I know he was a great friend, he told me how he cared for his friend who got the news that she couldnt conceive. I specifically know that. And I admired it. Couple months ago, I told him a similar thing, that the doctor said the chances are low, I should have a test. I wasnt broken bc Im still not sure if I want kids but maybe.. So I told him this and his reply was “well at around your age you know it is called geriatric pregnancy” nothing else, no follow up, no asking how I feel. I knew that he was leaning more towards not wanting a kid anymore, but this shouldnt have changed how you care for the other person’s emotions. Anytime I wanted to talk about this, he acted like Im pushing him to do stg he doesnt want, whereas I wasnt and still am not sure if I want that. All I wanted was, since Im together with someone loving me, I wanted them to help me process these emotions, to talk about pros and cons, challenge me to help me find what I want… He just took it as a fight, she wants this, I dont, so no talks. He didnt give me the same respect and care he gave to a friend.
I know the writing is not great, I got cold and am not feeling great. Thanks if you read this far. One more, I know that he knows there has been a huge flood in my city, even for that he didnt check me. I dont know if its bc he moved on, or maybe he doesnt wanna just casually check in etc, I kinda think he doesnt care anymore. About what I feel, my feelings keep changing but Im moving towards indifference, sometimes thinking if he would show up more present and having accountability etc, but it doesnt seem like him at all anymore. Wanted to vent, thanks for reading.

So I was broken up with suddenly and violently via text message and then blocked. I got a vague reason for the breakup. I have now come to the insight that I don’t want to be in a relationship with this manipulative and emotionally distant person (I was limerent). However, pretty much instantly after the break up I started planning what to say when I (accidentally one day?) run into my ex again. Basically there is still a need for me to express my emotions and get some sort of validation that I matter (which I obviously don’t, well maybe I do but not enough to be kept). So my thinking now goes, can I get validation elsewhere and why should it matter so much that my ex knows about my emotions ? I suppose this is part of the grieving process….anyone can relate to my thoughts ? Anyway I think when you look at it this way you get some perspective and perhaps it’s a good step forward to eventually letting go…

This probably isn’t the first time you guys hear this but I just need help, I fell in love with her 5 years ago…
She was just perfect 10/10 looks personality and religious wise everything was perfect, even when I proposed to her… her whole family treated me like son and loved me so fuckin much, I did the worst mistake a guy can ever make and I cheated on her and confessed because I was feeling horrible, now it’s been over a year and half and I can’t stop thinking about her and I pray to god daily that she becomes mine again, I dream of her everyday and sometimes I cry and I just don’t know how to live without her, life without her feels empty and worthless, please guys tell me how could I move on coz last time we texted she told me she’s talking to someone else so it’s over for me…

I was busy with exams and I couldn't meet her earlier (I need to give her some stuff I ordered online for her back when we were in a relationship). At first I was heartbroken and I didn't want to meet with her because I would probably beg her to come back, after a while when emotions calmed down I realized some stuff and I wanted to fight with her but now I don't even know what to say to her. I'm not sure if I want to talk to her at all actually. For some context, we were together for over a year (1 year 2 months) and she broke up over a text. The thing that bothered me the most is that it seemed she moved on immediately (started going out, drinking, having fun, meeting new people) and I was here studying for the exams and dealing with illness I had. Her complete lack of empathy bothered me a lot but I managed to get back and do my duties. I got over her because I realized the person that loves me would never leave me during those hard times (+over a text) but she did so why would I feel bad about her breaking up right?

So basically should I just give her her stuff and say goodbye or sit down for a minute and actually talk to her? Relationship was beautiful and the way it ended sucks so maybe I'm just chasing a proper closure or something, I'm not sure what I really want here lol

She texted my parents last night thanking them for all the love and support they gave her, including staying at our house during our relationship. It had nothing to do with me, but it really interrupted my healing hearing about this as it really makes the entire thing feel more final. I really really hoped there was another way

We started dating freshman year of college, and broke up after a year together. I guess she really does not want a relationship with me anymore, and I was already getting much better at accepting that. However, now I feel like I moved several steps back. 🫤