I still think about him. 4 years already. Time doesn’t heal. Bunch of lies.

My ex apologized to me after 10 years and I genuinely don’t know what to do with this information.
This man treated me horribly when we were together, both physically and psychologically. TEN YEARS later, he adds me on Instagram, has a ridiculously beautiful new girlfriend, watches my stories and says absolutely nothing. He just… exists. 👁️👄👁️
Meanwhile, I had my glow-up. I lost around 40 kg and I’m honestly glowing more than I ever have. The timing feels like something Netflix would write.
At one point, he even sent me a picture of some gifts that I had given him years ago and said, “I still have these in my room.”
Me: seen.
End of episode.
And I’m bi, so I can’t even hate the girlfriend for being gorgeous. The girl is beautiful. What did she do to deserve being accidentally cast in this storyline?
But now comes the interesting part: after 10 years, he apologized.
He told me that I was “difficult,” but that he was really sorry because he could have left me sooner instead of treating me the way he did. He also said that he wants to reconcile with everyone from his past and that I was the only person he was missing.
And I’m just sitting here thinking… excuse me?
I understand regretting things years later and wanting to make peace with people you hurt. And I appreciate that he acknowledged that he did something wrong.
But after TEN YEARS, you add me on Instagram, watch my stories, show me that you still have the gifts I gave you, and then tell me I’m the last person you needed to reconcile with?
What exactly am I supposed to do with that information?
Is this genuine remorse? Nostalgia? Closure? A midlife crisis? Or did the Instagram algorithm just decide my life needed a new subplot?
Because honestly, I have no idea.

It’s going to be officially 3 years since the break up. Very drunk rn so might sound stupid. So let me just get right to the point

3 years since we broke up. And I still miss her. Talked to other girls . But not have felt the connection I did with her. So I feel very fucked. Idk what to do. I feel like I was supposed to with her. I was just a loser and nobody atm but she still loved me for me. But I cheated and was being weird during the end of are relationship. I wanna text her rn but it probably the drunk feelings giving me the confidence too. I thought back then I would be 100% over her but I still compare her to the girls I meet today. Was about too text her. Fuck I miss u.. FUCK

6 months later, and I am still silently begging the universe for him to back every single second of the day.

It runs in the background of my life like an app draining my entire battery. I can be typing an email at work, waiting at a red light, boiling the kettle, or walking my dog but beneath it all — the same desperate chant never stops running: Please let his name pop up on my phone. Please let his key turn in the latch. Please let him realise what he threw away and just come back.

It’s humiliating. I know he treated me terribly. I know he checked out, lied, and abandoned me to clean up the wreckage alone. Yet, I would still give up every ounce of my dignity just to have him back in my life.

I am so exhausted. It’s like waiting on an arsonist to come put out the fire. I don’t even need advice on moving on or "healing." I just need to know how to turn off this relentless background noise before it completely drains me.

My ex broke no contact last month to get on an app called “Lasting” then broke no contact again and told me that she was dating the guy she left me for even while she wanted to pair with me on the Lasting app. (an app designed for couples that want to work it out).

When asked why she did it. She said she did it to emotionally manipulate me and boredom. She also stated her new partner doesn’t even know she did that. In the same breath she says she doesn’t want to mess things up with him.

They’re a perfect match nonetheless a man that broke an engagement (mine and hers) to be with her and the woman that ran off with him and fell in love after two weeks (her words)

A literal sociopath that displays psychosis levels of avoidant behavior

My situation may not be yours but please don’t break no contact.

EDIT: To add I found information on her new man that would likely make her squirm and leave him but I am electing to let her find out and it’s also not my place.

We dated for 4 years. Things were rocky at times but he always insisted I was the girl of his dreams and his ultimate end goal. He made promises of a future and a family together, wrote entire albums of music about me, lived his whole life for my approval.
Well, last week we broke up, and he told me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, and that he isn’t happy. I am so devastated because of all of the promises he made and how he made me feel. I am truly hurt and I feel lied to and betrayed. I loved him so much, I still do, and I’m at a loss. He wants nothing to do with me now. It’s like a switch flipped within days. I can’t bear the pain. I cant stand the thought of him with another woman. Can someone please help, I feel like I’m dying.

Sorry this post isn’t articulate. I’m so distraught my brain is not functioning properly.

Hi, everyone! Hope anyone reading this have a good day :)

So... i just broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago. We're in no contact. He broke up with me, he dumped me. I can't really say why since it's too private and specific (i'm afraid if he's here) but definitely no cheating or abuse from both of us. We are kind to each other. Maybe i can say... just different needs

When he broke up with me on the phone, i literally beg him for almost an hour to not to. I will do everything for us, but he says he made up his mind to break up with me. The next day he send me this text:

" You are a very special person. You are one of the best people I've ever met in my 29 years on this Earth, and I'll always cherish every moment we spent together. Your smile, laugh and kindness will always be a massive positive and I'm truly sorry if I ever made you upset and ruined your mood.

To tell you the truth, I'm not the man you think I am. I'm not perfect and am just really good at hiding my flaws. Some of these flaws you haven't seen and you would be shocked. You deserve somebody so much better than me and deserve to be closer to your amazing Mum and Dad. I don't think it's right for me to take you away from your support base of friends and family when there is somebody out there who will treat you so much better than me. You deserve princess treatment from somebody who will give it to you.

You will find what you're looking for, I know you will. Allah has planned for you.

If you ever need any money investment, support, guidance, a moment of attention, please let me know. I will forever be here for you until the day I die. That I promise. "

And i text him (a long text, just in conclusion) that i respect his decision and say goodbye to him. Eventhough i genuinely love him, i will do everything to make things right

Then he just read my text

I was devastated. I love him so much

At first he didn't block me yet, he still see my posts and story. I still post my everyday life and work. Then weekend happens. My family try to cheer me up and taking me to nice place, taking beautiful nice pics of me then i post it cause i feel like why not, i look beautiful in it. Then he post he watch a concert, i see it

Suddenly.. he block me on instagram. His whatsapp picture gone (i don't know if he block me on that too, or just delete my number). After that i remove his second account on ig (not block, just remove)

Now i want to ask, why did he block me? He says he never block his ex. He still wants to see me after we broke up and stay friends. I just don't understand why he block me? I didn't blow up his phone, or like bother him to the point of people block someone. I really try to respect his decision to breakup with me and that's why i didn't text him at all, eventhough i really want to

My friend tell me his text is just an excuse and a lie. Other say maybe he got a new girl. Is this true? I was really sad to hear that.. i genuinely thought what we had is real

This is my first serious relationship ever and i really love him so much. But i really want to know why he did this?

Before i broke up with him, i never really know what is Avoidant, or Anxious attachement is. But the more i see videos about breakup, healing, about ex, i think he is Avoidant or Dismissive Avoidant. I don't know.... i'm very certain, but this is just my opinion

Sorry for a long post, really need advice on how to heal from this

The biggest thing that has changed for me during this breakup and no contact is that I'm no longer willing to keep repeating the same pattern in this relationship.

I've had time to reflect on everything, and I've realized that I can't keep abandoning my own boundaries just because I love someone or want things to work out. I'm not willing to keep putting myself in situations where I feel manipulated, misunderstood, or stuck in the same cycle over and over again.

One thing I've realized is that nothing will change if the way we see and approach our problems doesn't change. If we keep looking at things through our own hurt, assumptions, and distorted perspectives instead of trying to understand each other in a healthy way, we'll just keep ending up in the same place.

I also know that I deserve a genuine apology. Not a half-hearted one, not one that shifts blame, and not one given just to move past the argument. I deserve accountability and an apology that shows the other person actually understands how their actions affected me.

At this point, I'm not interested in promises or hearing what someone says they're going to change. I want to see actions, consistency, accountability, and actual effort over time.

And honestly, that's what makes me question whether trying again would even be worth it. Real change requires self-awareness and a willingness to face uncomfortable things about yourself. I can't do that work for someone else, and I can't make someone see things differently if they're not willing to.

A part of me may still care, but caring about someone doesn't mean I have to keep accepting the same behaviors. I can love someone and still recognize that the relationship isn't healthy for me in its current form.

No contact has made me realize that I don't want to go back to the relationship we had. If anything were ever to happen again, it would have to be something fundamentally different, built on genuine change rather than the same promises and patterns.

I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this during no contact. Did you reach a point where you still cared about your ex, but realized you couldn't go back unless they genuinely changed? And how did you handle it when you realized that watching their actions mattered more than listening to their words?

I was in a relationship with this guy for nearly 6 years and we had to end things due to distance. He got in a new relationship just weeks after which was very suspicious. I was so heartbroken, was literally crying lying on the bathroom floor shaking for weeks and couldn’t stop thinking about it for years. I tried to message him at the time and he blocked me even though we had no bad blood. He was most likely feeling really guilty. It’s been 3 years since and I’ve been thriving. Recently we got in touch on socials and caught up briefly. He told me after we broke up, he was diagnosed with a lifelong disability and that he has been struggling with his mental health for years. Karma is real and she is not here to play… she got him a little too hard and I’m actually quite sad hearing the news because I still have genuine love and care for this person. Now I’m sat here crying worrying about his wellbeing.

I dated my GF for 4 years in that time i gave her the best life she has had according to her. She had a daughter that called me Dad with no actual father in the picture. Today was her birthday and she asked that i come over on behalf of her daughters request because she really wanted to see me. I love that little one so much but this is not about that. When i was leaving the house she walked me out and gave me a hug and i hugged her. When we finished we hugged again and this time she when finished she said "i love you". It broke me in the car, I don't know what to think is this just some words being said or is this something she wants to see in the future. Im so utterly confused and now back to square 1 in feelings crying all over again. Does this mean anything or is it just words?

We go through these periods of no contact, and this year, we’ve spent the majority of our time not speaking at all. The last time we talked, you told me, “I genuinely care about you.” Well, I would certainly hope so, considering the life we shared. We once considered each other family. I would think caring about me would be a given, regardless of whether you still wanted something romantic with me. I mean, I care about my coworkers too lol. Caring about someone is not some grand declaration. It’s the bare minimum. If you genuinely want to get my attention or reconnect with me, you’re going to have to be willing to express something deeper than that. Tell me how you actually feel. Tell me what you’re thinking. Be vulnerable. Because I do believe there are lingering feelings there. Otherwise, why do you keep finding your way back to me after all this time? But that’s the frustrating part. You never actually communicate those feelings. You make these vague statements, bring up our past, and then seemingly expect me to just know what you mean or what you want from me. That’s not fair, and frankly, it’s ridiculous. Did you genuinely think that after everything we’ve been through, and everything you’ve put me through, I would suddenly be open to seeing you again simply because you told me you care about me? What am I supposed to do with that? You haven’t given me any real clarity about your feelings, your intentions, or why you continue coming back into my life. I’m not asking you to tell me what you think I want to hear. I’m asking you to be honest with me, even if that honesty is uncomfortable. If you miss me, say that. If you still have feelings for me, say that. If you’re confused about what you want, then say that, too. But stop leaving me to interpret vague statements and piece together what you might be feeling. And if none of this is genuine, if you’re simply reaching out because I’m familiar, because you’re lonely, or because you enjoy knowing that I still care, then please leave me alone. I’ve already been hurt enough by this cycle, and I don’t deserve to keep being pulled back into something that you have no real intention of pursuing. I don’t need another reminder that you care about me. I need to understand what that care actually means to you, what you want from me, and why you keep coming back if you’re unwilling to do anything meaningful about it.

I’m struggling to navigate what to think of him. We never dated, but we both know that it hurted to go no contact. I was the one who said it was best to never see each other again. I had my reasons, most uncontrollable.

I used to think of him as mostly good. That’s why it was hard to move on quickly. He broke no contact about 6 times in the span of 2 months. On the third month, I gave up, I was scared and knew he would keep coming back, so I was cold. He finally got the hint and blocked me, then unblocked me later on.

With the time he’s giving me right now, to finally be alone and all, I reflected. I remembered all the good, especially during the beginning of our friendship, but as it went on. I’m not sure if he was actually a good person.

He would apologize but I would get the feeling that he never took it in him to understand how I really felt. He’d make promises not to hurt me (yes, we were just friends) but he’d break them again and again.

What bothers me the most is that, he fake dated me to prove people that he was dating someone. He told me to message him like we were together but then he initiated this one convo like we missed eo in bed. He apologized, but him apologizing makes me feel like he knew what he was doing. He lied by the way. He kept our convos to himself. He never needed to prove anything to anyone.

Whenever we’d talk about something more intimate, he’d hate for anyone to know, he’d tell me not to tell my best friend. I got it. I thought he was just embarrassed but now it feels like he knows he knew it wasn’t right.

I try to remember how much fun we had as friends, but now, after reflecting, I dont know how to see him. What if I’m just overthinking it and that it’s actually a normal thing to do when you’re infatuated. What if I’m just painting him negatively because of some lost anger.

Someone help me gather a cohesive thought..

It's been 5 years since we spoke, but everytime I miss her it's just the intimate moments we had that I remember. It wasn't like that during the relationship, we loved each other for more than just the intimacy, but the physical intimacy is something that keeps popping up in my head. It's been difficult since then and I've had very less female interaction, which is something I want to improve

Title. Me and my ex were together for a long time and I finally reached a point where I wasn't constantly checking her socials and trying to see if she was thinking about me, and actually met someone who was worth my time who I've been with for a couple months now. I thought things were good.

Unfortuantely I got a call tonight from an emergency hospital where my ex lives, and I called back because even though our relationship wasn't great and I'm happily moved on I do care about her enough to want to know if she is dead or in critical condition. She's not, but she said I was the only person she had to talk to, and I let her.

I've made it clear that we can't be friends, we can't be together, and that I don't want to see her or continue talking once she's out. But I feel like such a piece of shit because this is the exact kind of thing she did with her ex that made me feel so isolated when we were together, granted then she was reaching out to him. I just don't know what to do. I know I have to tell my current girlfriend, I want to tell her and I will, and she won't take it well because who would. I just feel like such a moron for continually allowing this woman to fuck up good things in my life and I know it's my fault. Am I doing the wrong thing?

I thought I’d share my final message to my ex gf. I wasn’t perfect and I made my fair share of mistakes. I held out hope for 6 months and I really tore myself up in the process. I guess I was just trying to show her that I really was dedicated and that I truly cared. Anyway, I’ll spare you the details.

Here’s the text

I guess it just sucks to hear that you’re willing to risk losing me forever. When I’m offering you my heart, existence, and eternal dedication. And all you’re willing to tell me is “not right now”. So I feel like an option to you.

You weren’t an option to me, (name).

I’m not an option. And I’m not going to put myself in this position anymore. You’re not choosing me.

I know you’re hurt, (name), but I’m hurt too.

I’ve tried to love you through this. You said you needed time. It’s been 6 months.

I’ve tried to be patient, and willing to admit my faults, and reached out to reconcile. Over and over again.

Maybe I’m not the man for you. And maybe you’re not the woman for me.

I’m sorry I drove you away, I’m sorry for all the ways I hurt you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t the person you needed me to be.

I don’t hear emotion in your voice when you speak to me. I don’t feel your love anymore. My mind can only comprehend that you don’t love me. And my eyes can only see that you’re not choosing me. Not anymore.

I’m very thankful for the time we had together.

Thanks for the closure.

I can let the spark die.

I’m gonna take my heart back now.

I am so sorry for the pain that stands between us.

So, the encouragement tag is because I want to let anyone know who is reading this, that you’re going to be okay, and you’re going to make it through this!

I knew about the whole no-contact thing prior to trying to fix things with my ex for 6 months. But it just didn’t feel right in my heart. I felt like the real me, if I really loved this woman, would try and try and try again. So I took opportunity after opportunity to tell her that I still loved her and I cared about her and I missed her. Even with no reciprocation. I guess that’s just how I love somebody. And honestly I’m really proud of myself, even if it was to my detriment. I never wanted to play mind games or have her only come back because she lost access to me or she got lonely. I only ever wanted us to reconcile because we both love each other. That doesn’t seem to be the case.

So don’t beat yourself up if you mess up no contact with your dumper. If you still feel like you have words to get out and things to tell them. I say go for it. Just be true to yourself.

Eventually I believe you reach a point internally though. Where your heart catches up to your mind, and the truth you already know and are living, becomes a reality in your heart. And it’s super sad.

And it’s super freeing.

And you’re free again.

And you can start over.

And you can be okay again.

And you can do better next time.

And you can learn from everything you’ve experienced.

Love is always worth it. Love will always win in the end.

You’re gonna make it

I just had a breakup, and I have no feelings left inside me. I’ve become so emotionally drained because of that person that everything feels completely blurry. I feel like I’ve lost myself somewhere along the way.

Yesterday, I decided that I won’t go back, because in the process of trying to bring her back, I would only end up losing more of myself. I’m quite young, you know, and she was older than me. I came to realize that age gives people an advantage—by that stage, people have usually found themselves before getting into a relationship. But I didn't know all of this happens, so I got into it anyway. She is already stable, while I keep becoming more unstable because I genuinely don't know how to fix these things. If anyone could guide me on how to find myself again...

I've started reading novels, but the reality is that the toxic relationship has left me completely mentally exhausted. Dealing with sudden urges followed by random bursts of happiness—I can't live my life like this.

What’s it mean if your girl still text her EX happy birthday and on holidays after it’s been a year since they broke up? I have a good feeling but would like to know what others think. She would also always compare me to him.

I’ll always remember you by what you did last. You ghosted me and refused me any closure. You deliberately chose silence to make me suffer. At this point I know it’s intentional, not self-protection. My whole life is fucked up because of you. A decade together, and all the lies, and somehow you act like this is all my fault. Did you forget?
We had years of you telling me you loved me and wanting me every day we saw each other. Then one comment about all the changes and everything you used to say you liked about me was suddenly what you hated. After that, nothing.

I took accountability and tried to give you closure. You became more rude, careless, and spiteful. When I asked about the timing of someone else, you didn’t clear it up you said I had just confirmed you made the right choice.

I hope you meet someone, fall in love, and become completely miserable as you remember how I carried you after surgery. How I kept doing kind things for you even when you told me I was suddenly ugly and you were grossed out. How I didn’t change how I felt when you stopped taking care of yourself. How I’d make you dinner, sit you on the counter, and kiss you every time I walked by.

I messed up. I made poor choices and got grumpy because I was bad at communicating. But you’ll never find someone like me again. And someday when I’m gone you’ll probably never even think twice.

You told me to go ahead and end it when I said I was struggling with my taste for life.
Who have you become?

The girl I love, whom I miss every single day since she unfollowed and blocked me though it was always one-sided.

It’s been about 3 weeks since our official breakup. And 1 week ago he unfollowed/removed me everywhere, even strava. I could still see his dnd status on iMessage, but guess he deleted my number, that’s easier. We met on dating app, haven’t introduced each other to friends officially, which means now he has cut off all the way he can communicate with me, or even a peek of my life.

I remember when I found he removed and unfollowed me on ig, it felt like my blood stopped flowing for 1s that I felt frozen and stabbed by thousands of needles on every inch of my skin. And the next second it’s like all the blood running to my head that I felt my face was burning.

I knew it was exactly how I was like when panicked.

I thought we ended in good terms. Yes we had argument before breakup, and he asked for space to process his feelings and broke up after 1 week. I didn’t beg or plead because I showed him my willingness and plans to work on our relationship, and I knew he didn’t make a rash decision.

However, I thought even we had conflicts and may have hurt each other, at the end of the day it’s just bad timing for us and we needed more time… I thought in a very calm head that things between us were absolutely fixable.

I was not very warm to his breakup text, I acted cold and distant, maybe even a bit defensive. If I knew it’s the last time I talked to him, I guess I’d say something softer, at least let him know I didn’t hate him, I was still deeply in love.

He was still watching my stories after the breakup, which actually made me feel better even we no longer contacted. It’s not saying I took those as a sign that he wanted to reconnect, I mean the ball was in him court. But I thought at least we could stay in peace like this, like an old friend that you still cherish even if you don’t talk to them anymore. And I could show him my changes, I’m getting better, I’m pursuing my dreams…

The unfollow/remove thing ruined all my beautiful imagination. At that moment, I suddenly realized I’m no longer in his life now, by all means, he erased my existence. All of a sudden, I don’t know where I stood in his life that he could make the cutoff so clean and quick.

I couldn’t even cry, I was just staring at the white ceiling, the huge void overwhelmed me. Like waking up from a beautiful dream in the morning, the feeling of emptiness and confusion that I couldn’t even distinguish the dream from reality.

I couldn’t help but ask myself, did I hurt him so much that he didn’t even want to think about me for a second, or I was nothing he cared about so he could cutoff easily.

I still want to talk to him, I want to hear his voice and laugh, his teasing and complaining, I want to see his serious face with unnoticeable smile, I want his kiss, cuddle, sex…everything about him, even his adorable flaws…

But I can’t return to a dream, I have no place to stay rather than move on.

And I have to move on, I know you don’t want me to stay and wait. And I didn’t cry, I know you don’t want me to be sad for me. And I’m fulfilling my days by work, study, hobbies and socializing, I know you’d be disappointed if I abandoned myself.

I won’t do whatever you don’t want from me. And I promised you I’ll improve myself.

But I just want to look at you, even from a far away place. Why didn’t you even give me this grace.

I don’t even get a chance to know, how you doing? is the work still stressful? Have you adapted to the new life in new city better now? Did the business trip exhaust you again? Are you excited your mom is visiting you?

Are you happy..?

And, have you missed me..?

I have nothing to say it’s been getting harder. I’ve been treated terribly majority of my life and carry a lot of trauma and he treated me amazing. I miss him so much but he randomly said to spark was gone and then followed his ex back after a month.

Will he ever text if he’s doing no contact?