The relationship ended. The lore continues. 💀

My ex has apparently entered the “let me see what they're up to” phase again.

No texts. No conversations. Just random appearances around my social media like a recurring character nobody renewed the contract for.

At this point, I'm not in a relationship. I'm in a post-credit scene.

Has anyone else's ex ever returned as a spectator instead of a participant? 😭

**TL;DR:** Split with my ex over a year ago and unfollowed him when he moved on fast. They have a baby now. I have no desire to be back together, but I suddenly feel a huge urge to refollow him.

Looking for advice on how to handle this.

Hey everyone, I really need some advice because I’m totally confusing myself.
My ex M32 and I F26 broke up over a year ago. Things ended fine at first, but about two months later I saw he had a new girlfriend. It really hurt, so I unfollowed him and removed him from my followers to heal.
Fast forward to now—it’s been over a year. He got the woman pregnant now and has a baby. I honestly don't want him back, I don't want drama, and I know he has his own life. But lately, I’ve had this crazy strong urge to refollow him. He was a good man. Really funny and sweet and we ended in good terms.
Part of me feels like "whatever, the hurt is gone so who cares," but I honestly don't know why my brain is doing this out of nowhere.
Has anyone else felt this weird pull to refollow an ex long after you thought you were over it? What was actually going on in your head, and how did you get over the urge without doing something dumb?
Thanks in advance!

2 months ago, my ex texted me after one and a half years of no contact. We talked for 2 weeks and blocked eachother. In that time he told me that the song lovefool by The Cardigans reminded me to him. Well I didn’t pay attention to the lyrics of the song until today. I know he unblocked me and I kinda do want to talk to him but I know I shouldn’t.

Just needing to vent a bit. Anyway, my ex broke contact (her again) and to be frank, I never intended to really communicate with her as I never planned to reconnect with her. Over the span of a year, I realized I still admired her. Anyway, I finally asked what she was looking for. With this question, she froze and did not give me a response for days (more of mixed feelings). Honestly, when I didn't get my answer by the end of the day I asked, I was crushed as "no response is a response". With this delay, it gave me clarity on how to cut this off for good as I already combated the emotions. In the last text, I said I will not contact her (never have at first) and I could not be a her friend. She was crushed by my response as younger me probably would have begged but I am older now than before and its her loss, which I know will eat her up. I could have said so much but I decided to cut it concise and short because what for? To anyone reading this, as hard as it may be and even if your person comes back, please be rational and ask what their intentions are as it may save you time and let actions speak rather than words if they are wanting a relationship again. Ultimately, I decided to do this as I could not be just be "friends" or whatever that was, at this point in my life, I want stability and emotional clarity from a grown woman. I don't get why reach out if your intentions are unclear but one thing, I will not be a bag of attention for you while you figure out your roster.

Reality check tips.

1. On one piece of college ruled lined notebook paper, fold it in half and make 2-columns. Title one "Reasons to stay away" and "Reasons to try again." Be brutally honest even if it hurts. For me (back in the day) my "stay away" list was about 35 reasons long. My "try again" list had about 6 reasons. Writing it on paper, not typing it in a document, makes it stick more in our brains, it's more visceral. Re-read constantly.
2. Rename them their worst qualities/actions. Update their contact info with this name and replace this name in your thoughts and words. Name examples: Filthy Car Dumbass, JunkFood Hoarder, Liar Cheater Abuser, Porn Addict, Bad Breath Snorer, Unemployable Stoner, Crybaby Narcissist. Whatever works for you. Change their profile picture in your phone to something unpleasant- perhaps a demon.
3. Make a mantra for yourself you can repeat 10000 times a day. One of mine, about 30 years ago now, after being twisted into a pretzel by a married man (who said he was divorced) was "I am healthy, safe, sane and free."

Try these tips before breaking NC and see how you feel.

Holding on. Turned down a date with someone else this week.

To the dumpee with a broken heart that’s fighting the urge to reach out, Keep fighting. I know every part of your heart wants to send that text or social media message. You’re trying to convince yourself that you have to send it for closure, and you keep asking yourself “maybe if I send one last text it will make them understand or miss me.” Or maybe you’re telling yourself it will be your final goodbye message. But, that’s not the case. I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, but they know what they lost. They know how to contact you. They are choosing not to, because they don’t want to. And you shouldn’t either. By not texting or reaching out, not only are you respecting no contact, but you’re also respecting and choosing yourself. You’re worth so much more than that relationship. I don’t care what you did or how the relationship ended, you are worth more and you deserve more. Stop convincing yourself that your value is tied to what that person thinks of you or if that person wants you in their life. The fact that no contact is hurting you this bad is proof your love was real. I know some of you have also been ghosted by no contact and you’re just trying to make sense of it, but you won’t. You can’t understand it, because your heart isn’t built to do that to someone. Don’t let your pain cloud how beautiful of a person that makes you, because it says way more about your character than theirs. Let whatever last conversation or impression you left on them be enough. Letting them go does not mean your love wasn’t real. It means that you’re finally choosing yourself and the ones that choose you. I know it’s easier said than done, but please for your own mental health - let them go.

Your healing begins when you stop expecting their silence to turn into an explanation.

And as corny as it sounds I am going to quote one of my favorite movies of all times. :

“Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that the next time you find yourself at a beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”
— *Hope Floats* (1998)

Hey, 20-year-old male with an ex-girlfriend. My ex and I started talking about 5 months ago, and we dated and became a couple for 4 months. Suddenly, she became cold and distant, so I asked her about it. We talked back and forth, and she said that we are in different places at the moment. I was the one who asked to be friends, knowing that being friends with an ex-girlfriend is not possible. After the breakup, I found out that she was very toxic, and other girls at my college have a problem with her. I also found out after the breakup that she was a busy avoidant. She was busy with everyone but me, so I broke up with her. After the breakup, we went no contact for some time, and one morning I found out that she removed me on Snap, did not block me, and is still following me on Insta. In the relationship, she has blocked and unfollowed her ex-boyfriend but not me. Why?

the one they have a connection or feelings for.

​

For the context, it's been 3 years of our breakup when my family rejected him after he sent a proposal. After then I got engaged to another person and a few months back I broke up. Now that sociopath appeared at the so-called perfect times. Out of nowhere he's a friend of my brother now and he indirectly knows I'm his sister. He said the same words to my brother what he said to me years ago and asked my brother to invite him to our house. Also his brother goes to the same college I'm in and I now fear that he will contact me sooner. I'm just so worried, anxious and disturbed by even the thought of him or facing him. I hate him for all what he did to me, the way he traumatized me. I can't face him. I had multiple anxiety attacks today by even the thought of this...

Yeah that’s all, don’t reach out to them, it’s not worth it. Sitting with the discomfort will help you grow in so many ways, y’all are doing so amazing❤️

I was in a relationship with a girl I loved deeply. After around a year, she left me and got into another relationship. Six months later, she came back begging for another chance, and I forgave her because I still loved her.
But the second chance became toxic too. There were trust issues, arguments, blame-shifting and repeated hurt. Eventually, I decided to go no contact.
It’s been around 6 months since May, and I still can’t move on. She tried contacting me a few times before moving to another city for studies, but she deleted her WhatsApp messages Now she’s living her life in another city while I’m still stuck thinking about her every day.
I know the relationship wasn’t healthy for me, but I still love and miss her so much. Even seeing her or hearing about her makes my heart race. I’ve been struggling badly with overthinking and my mental health.
A small part of me is still waiting for her to contact me directly, but I don’t know if I should keep that door open or finally let go.

I really need advice,its been 2 years, 1 month, and 19 days since we broke up,and ever since then i isolated myself and hustled through,and i had thought that i had already moved and healed because it seemed like it but lately i kept dreaming of her and it often leads me to thinking about her again and more frequently.

After she broke up with me i already tried everything to fix it basically losing my dignity as a guy just to fix it.

30F. 30M. dated for 3 years, I have never been so in love but it was truly the most toxic and abusive situation I have ever been in. I recently saw that he is engaged to a girl he talked about to me & started dating less than a month after he left me…. all while texting me lol I feel betrayed I think? only because i’m confused someone can change that quickly but I guess for the right person they can. I don’t feel sad I feel mad and disgusted. it still stings though because like I said why was he so abusive to me but now happy with her?

I’m somebody who managed to create a beautiful friendship with my ex of 7 years - and I mean it. It’s safe, no risk of relapse, healthy distance. However, the person I dated after this ex is seared into my brain and I can’t seem to be able to let go. I somehow formed the belief that I can have a friendship with him too, and although I know it is not realistic, my heart just doesn’t let go.

We dated very briefly, and our relationship ended because our life choices were not compatible at all. Part of me thinks that two years later we can perhaps find a new way to relate, based on common interests and friendship, not on creating a love story together. I messaged him last week and I feel very ashamed of doing so. I was going through some heavy life stuff and I couldn’t stop myself. It doesn’t help that we occasionally have to interact through work. I’m also going through chronic illness and in bed a lot, so it’s hard not to hyperfocus on the wrong things.

What are your tips to keep going and not breaking the no contact rule? I guess I’m just looking for some understanding, idk. I feel quite ashamed

It was just over a week after the final straw. My first ever "planned" one night stand. Tacky maybe, but we both had our reasons and it was only ever supposed to be a one night stand. He texted me the next day and I thought he liked me and things got confused because I really liked him. We enjoyed each other's company sometimes but I couldn't keep my emotions out of it like we both wanted, so I kept trying to back out. Neither us were emotionally in the right place for anything like that. I was not long out of a relationship and still trying to get over it. He was just out of a marriage and seemed to just want to sleep around.

The letter kind of explains what happened at the end. He did lead me on, but likewise I could never stick to my word about leaving it be. It felt sometimes like we were getting closer, but then he told me he slept with someone else. It felt like he was giving me a choice "like it or lump it". I couldn't and the resentment built up. He was pretty cruel at the end, although I don't know whether that was deliberate or not. i couldn't tell if he was trying to get rid of me or just testing the boundaries to see what he could get away with. I lost my cool and he blocked me.

if I don't change my go-to places, I will see him around. I don't want to have to change my habits and I don't want to worry about seeing him. I have seen him and it was horrible , because we both pretended not to have seen the other. I hate the ill feeling and just hoped to get on with my life without feeling bad, but i felt bad for my behaviour because I had broken the rules and so I sent this:

"FWIW I am so sorry I blew up at you. You did the right thing for both of us. Much as I wished it, I knew I couldn't stay friends with you any more than a chocoholic can stay "friends" with a bar of Dairy Milk. Probably no need, but the creature you knew has a classic way of shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted, just to be sure. Belt and braces. Try not to be angry.

I have never broadcast what happened and I never will. Wishing you well in all your new beginnings. This really is the last you'll hear from me. I've spliced those particular weeks out of my life now and I'll just keep the good bits in a memory box somewhere. Happy hunting! 😉

Love, {insert joke name I first gave him} xx"

Is it too embarrassing?

hey all. i’m the dumper and it’s been 3.5? days of the breakup and also 3.5 days of NC.

i’m not really doing the best so i keep wanting to reach out especially because i feel like the breakup happened because of a lot of misunderstandings. but i really don’t want to overlook what they did and how they hurt me.

any tips? tysm!

TL;DR: Had LDR where I checked socials to verify her stories and often found information from it. Now after cutting ties I still have unanswered questions and urges to check them through socials.

I was in a LDR for 2 years, but we known eachother for 5 years. We met as strangers and quickly grew close in messaging and calling. She is from another country and because I was suspicious that it was a catfish, I looked her up online through the information I had of her.

It was a real person, but I kept seeing pictures of her and a guy for years going back. This confused me because at this point we had been talking for a few months and she never mentioned a boyfriend. So the urge started to find out more.

Eventually she mentioned that she recently broke up with her long term boyfriend but that her social circle was basically him and his friends. She was struggling with him being around while trying to figure out life, career and the new dynamic. I tried supporting her and we grew really close.

Eventually we met up after 2 years and there our relationship started. Because it was only a visit to me, she had to leave eventually. But we went long distance and the relationship went from there.

During that time I kept this nagging feeling that sometimes stuff she said was not entirely correct. I started to sometimes watch her socials again when I knew she was on a trip or at an event. Often nothing showed but sometimes she had this inconsistencies, like telling me she went with her friends while it was only with her ex, who now was technically a friend. I even confronted her about it saying I had a feeling it was only with her ex and she did not deny it but that they were really close still even as friends. Her ex being in her life was still a lot of tension because he would eventually do something that would make her cry again.

After a year I started making plans of joining her there. But I was still stressing because the trust was not 100% there. She put pressure on me to join because LDR was making her feel miserable even though she loved me. Eventually months passed and she became more distant. Finally after 2 years of LDR she asked for a breakup but to stay friends because we were not able to physically be there for eachother. It broke me to no end but I reluctantly agreed with it, fearing of losing her completely.

Eventually after a few weeks something felt off with her again. I started watching her socials again and saw she was often with this other dude. I saw him before our breakup too in group context but now it was weirdly close. It turned out she had been in a new relationship. I was devastated by this because I was still hurting and unable to start thinking about a new relationship while she moved on quickly like it was nothing. She told me he was there after our breakup and while she met him before it was nothing then.

Again, trust not there but I we kept in touch. Eventually I started to think that maybe he was there before our breakup too and watched socials again. She posted stories that heavily implied (captions with 1 year going strong like 9 months after our breakup...) they were a thing before our breakup.

I cut ties with her and since then been doing a lot of improving. I still have unanswered questions and when I get stressed I often have the urge to look seeking something I do not know what. Now I have not looked in 2 months but I am stressing with work and life again and the urge to look is so tempting. How can I stop this?

My boyfriend (29M) and I(26F), were dating for almost a year and broke up just over a week ago as he told me he didn’t think his feelings for me were developing, completely blindsiding me. This was a week after our first trip away and my birthday.

How he handled things was cruel as he never mentioned having doubts before and I don’t know why he let us go away if he was feeling like that, let alone he didn’t make any effort to make my birthday special and despite all this I miss him like crazy. Yes, I’m angry with him and know I deserve better but I also remember how good things used to be between us. Things only started to get a bit rocky after I told him I loved him at the end of August.

We’ve been NC for 10 days now and I’m finding it so difficult. I’m crying all the time, barely able to eat and when I do manage to sleep I’m dreaming of him. Each passing day it is harder to maintain even when I know the person I want to speak to isn’t actually there anymore.

Does anyone have any advice or affirmations that they can share that helped them? My resolve not to reach out is cracking and I’m not sure how much more I can take.

TL;DR got blindsided and dumped by my bf and struggling to maintain NC at day 10

I am in a very tough spot right now. One year post breakup and we are still in almost daily contact (which I recognise is much more my fault).

Long story short, I (F29) met my ex (M28) when we were 25 and 24 respectively. We were together for 3.5 years, during which we alternated between living together (2 years) and long distance (around 1 year) due to multiple job changes in both parts. We were always supporting each other in these changes and we used to joke that we were well-versed in both versions of the relationship but that the end goal was for us to find somewhere stable to live together.

A year ago, he left the country we were living together to go abroad for postgrad, while the plan was that I would soon join him. I truly supported this move, as I could feel his anxiety in the working situation he was back then. A month into the move, while I am visiting, he announces that he doesn't feel like himself anymore, he is not sure he is still in love, he is afraid he is too depended on me and that he hasn't explored his single life and how to be self-regulated and self-reliant enough (he has been in back-to-back long relationships since 18, while it was my first truly serious one and I had lived abroad and by myself a couple of times before meeting him).

To say it came out of the blue to me is an understatement. It was rough, took me more than a month to properly digest it and the worst part probably was that we kept supporting each through the pain of the breakup. It took us more than four months and an actual breakdown from my side to actually go NC.

Then, a couple months in NC he starts coming back into my life. It started slowly, I was still not over him, so I entertained it even though I was deep into my healing journey.

Then nine months after the BU we met again and the sparks were still there. We spent a month in what I can only described as a situationship, where he expressed strong feelings still being there and I actually laid down the rules of what it would mean to get back together. He wasn't as sure about it and mentioned that the issues leading up to the BU are still there for him and that he feels he has not done enough of the work needed.

A smarter person would have let it be, but, always the optimist, I tried being emotionally available and supportive, because I truly care about him and his presence in my life was giving me the emotional support I needed.

That was two months ago and now it's where I need the help. We are still in a grey zone where we communicate for different issues and I know I am the one that carries the beginning of conversations the most. I am dating casually and I know he is seeing someone else as well. When I learnt that it almost destroyed me. The idea he could be ready for another relationship and not wanting to be with me after everything he said to me is killing me. Yet, I still kept the contact on.

I know I need to stop using him as a way to regulate my emotions and I need people with similar experiences of long break-ups to give me advice on how to actually go NC. I see it as the only way out of the mess of it all.

TL/DR: LTR ended after 3,5 years and led to a year long break-up/situationship. Advice on how to actually go NC and stop using him as emotional support is appreciated.

I wish my ex wasnt such a bich we could of had a good life together. Never fall in love with potential and how a person could been even if it could been good for her.

Shouldn't have done that, i don't recommend this at ALL.

It'll hurt like HELL guys...

I found out he’s talking to another girl, and he’s already using the exact same phrase he used to tell me all the time. And he’s still in contact with her. I don’t know how to explain what that makes me feel, but it has absolutely nothing to do with jealousy. I don’t want him back. I don’t want her place. I don’t want anything from him. It’s pure disgust. The thought of him taking words that once meant something to me and handing them to another girl like they were never special in the first place makes me fucking sick.

It’s the hypocrisy, the audacity, the way he can move around like none of it ever happened. Like he didn’t make me believe in him, like he didn’t make promises, like he didn’t leave me with all this fucking damage while he gets to carry on with his life and repeat the same bullshit to someone else. And what makes it worse is knowing the kind of people surrounding him. People who watched, people who knew enough, people who still stand by him as if none of it matters. A bunch of fucking hypocrites.

My hatred keeps growing, and honestly, it scares me how little sympathy I have left for any of them. I hate him. I hate what he represents to me now. I hate that someone I once admired so much has become someone I can barely think about without feeling physically sick. And I hate that all this anger is still inside me, taking up space that he doesn’t fucking deserve.

I don’t wish death on him or any of those people. That’s too cruel, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. But I genuinely hope life gives them exactly the kind of misery they deserve. I hope they experience disappointment, betrayal, loneliness, and the kind of pain that makes them question everything they thought they could trust. I hope they learn what it feels like to be left picking up the pieces while the person who hurt them carries on as if they never mattered.

I want them to live with the consequences of who they are. I want life to humble them in ways I never could. I want them to lose the comfort of believing they’re good people just because they’ve never had to face what they’ve done to someone else.

Maybe this much hatred makes me a bitter person. Maybe it makes me ugly on the inside. Right now, I honestly don’t fucking care. I’m tired of trying to be understanding toward people who have given me every reason not to be. I’m tired of swallowing my anger to make everyone else comfortable.

I don’t miss him. I don’t want him. I just fucking hate him. And I hate that he gets to exist in my memories as someone I once trusted, when now all I feel toward him is contempt.