I've spent a lot of time looking for ways to improve my life, build better habits, and become more productive. But the more I learn, the more I realize that almost everything comes down to a few simple things: getting enough sleep, eating well, staying physically active, and doing deep work.That's pretty much it. No magic supplements, no perfect morning routine, no complicated productivity system. Just taking care of your body and mind and consistently putting in hard work every day.
Maybe we should stop looking for shortcuts and just focus on these basics. It's not always easy to stay consistent, but I think that's what really makes the difference.

 After we have lived our lives, as we approach death, it is common to reexamine how our life went. Did we live a successful life? The end of life offers a unique opportunity to do this, because at this time, the ego, our learned self-centered beliefs, loosens its influence on us, And the spirit becomes our predominant reviewer. 
 At this point in the cycle of life, it no longer matters how much money we made, the size of the house we lived in, the job we had, or anything else associated with success, as dictated in the world by the ego. We are all finally equal now and we judge our success through a different prism: that of the spirit. When we review our lives, what we had thought was success often holds a different meaning now. 
 It is at this time, especially during the last few days of our life, we come to the realization what we thought was important, really was not. All the material things we accumulated, friends we had, places we visited, jobs we worked, amount of money we made, or any other comparison you can think of, which belongs in the world in which we had lived, becomes meaningless. 
 It is at that moment, the moment where the ego has minimal control over our actions and decisions, the true meaning of life finally becomes evident. It is then, despite how strongly the ego may have influenced our life before, the opportunity To view our life in a different way presents itself. At this time in our life, primarily viewing our lives through the eyes of our spirit, we may find we have many regrets. 
 We begin to understand the selfish pleasures in the world we had sought were not very important. As death becomes evident, we finally realize none of that matters. When we die, unless our culture is like that of the ancient Egyptians, our body will be buried or cremated, And nothing we accumulated during our lifetime will accompany us. Our body will then be placed in a coffin or urn, just like every other person who dies, regardless of their stature or their lifetime accomplishments.
 At that moment, just before we die, we finally understand we truly are all equal. No one was ever better than another. Race, money, prestige, no longer matter. As we get closer to our death, it becomes evident the self-centered path the ego had us follow to find success and happiness may have not been the right path after all. The fear, hatred, and prejudice we once felt are no longer important to us, not because we are going to die, but because it never did matter.

~ Ken Luball ~

People don’t take advantage of you because they hate you. They take advantage of you because you offer the least amount of resistance.

When I was in my military course, we had to protect our base in shifts.

For two hours, one of my team went to watch over the base.

And every two hours we would switch.

At first, our captain decided who would be on what time.

The later it gets in the day, the worse it becomes. No one wants to have a shift from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m.

At first, our sergeant decided on the shifts. Who will be at what time? So it wasn’t even arguable.

Eventually, he was tired of doing it. So he decided to give this responsibility to one of his soldiers. And it was me.

I was responsible for putting everyone on my team and myself in shifts to watch over the base.

At first, it was exciting because it was a simple job. Schedule a shift for everyone.

But there was one problem. I wasn’t their sergeant.

I was their teammate. They could express themselves to me. Tell me that this shift isn’t fair and that shift too.

I would put someone on a shift from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m., and then they would come to me whining. “I am always doing this late at night; it’s not fair.” “What about Joe?? He didn’t have a night shift in ages! Switch between our shifts.”

So I would switch their shift. And every time I would put a specific type of person on night shifts, they would complain.

After scheduling shifts for long enough, I knew who the problematic ones were. I knew the people who always complained about their late shifts.

They were doing as everyone else, yet they complained and talked about their shifts the most.

So for some reason, I tried to avoid putting them on the night shifts. I didn’t want to deal with them. Placing shifts is not as easy as I thought. You need to make it as fair as possible so that no one will have too many shifts and spread it evenly. Doing it for 30 people is not a simple task; it can take up to hours, and it’s highly demanding. So I don’t want to deal with complaints. So I avoid scheduling the complainers on night shifts as much as possible.

Instead, without even noticing it, I placed the people who didn’t create a lot of noise on their shifts.

In other words, I placed the yes-men on the harder shifts.

And it’s not because I wanted to in my conscious mind. All I wanted was silence. So whenever someone would complain to me about their shift so much, I would switch their shift. To get the silence I wanted.

The yes-men, on the other hand, didn’t mind their shifts at all. They didn’t complain or say anything wrong. They accepted it and did their part.

It was easier to put them in the shifts.

And it doesn’t happen only in the military. It can happen in every circumstance in life.

Because we, people pleasers, don’t stand our opinion firmly, people walk over us.

And nothing will change if we keep staying quiet, thinking we are doing someone a favor.

A week ago, I was bantering with my friend. We were roasting each other and laughing. Then he asked me, “Do you have siblings?” in an eased tone. I knew where it was heading… “Yes,” I replied, sounding a bit uncomfortable.

“How many?” He asked in a curious tone, ”Sister and a brother. I am the oldest.” I felt uncomfortable.

Then he said a joke about my sister. I hate when someone talks down about my family. And I always tolerated it. Even if it was in good, healthy roasting, I cannot accept it toward my family.

Once he finished his joke, I stared at him motionlessly. And demanded, “Don’t make jokes about my sister anymore. It’s not funny.”

The air turned cold. I pretended to be determined, but in reality, I felt guilty for ruining the good vibe we had a few moments ago. I wanted to break character and start laughing again, but if I didn’t end this right now, it would never end.

So I felt guilty, but he got the message and never brought up my family again.

Life will be much better when you express your opinion.

My screen time was out of control, and standard app limits never worked for me because I just bypassed them. I realized I needed real friction.

I decided to link my worst habit to a habit I desperately wanted to build. Now, I force myself to do push-ups before I'm allowed to open Instagram or TikTok. I even set up a strict lock on my phone that only opens the apps after it physically tracks my reps.

Has anyone else tried adding a physical "toll" to break a bad habit? It completely shifted my mindset.

Hey, I'm a 23-year-old guy, and... I've barely had any romantic experience at all. No teenage love, no relationships, no mutual feelings, nothing. I've talked to girls and had crushes, but they've always been one-sided, or things never got to the point where I could actually call someone my girlfriend. And yeah, I'm a virgin.

Honestly, it's really hard dealing with the loneliness. All my friends are either in relationships or married, and I feel like I'm falling behind everyone else. On top of that, I've spent the last couple of years struggling with terrible depression, which made it difficult to meet new people and build connections. I'm doing better now, but I'm still terrified that having zero experience will make me undesirable, or that people will see it as a red flag.

My friends say good things about me and think I'm a good, interesting person, but this loneliness makes me question whether I'm even someone who can be loved.

I've spent most of my life trying to work on myself and become a better version of who I am, but I don't know when this awful feeling of loneliness is going to go away. How much longer am I supposed to put up with it?

I'm genuinely trying. Depression made me drop out of university, but I've since gone back and graduated. I've also started taking better care of my health and appearance, little by little. And yet, I still feel so sad.

People have told me to focus on building a career, but I don't know. I want someone to love me for who I am, not for how much money I make. Maybe that sounds naive or childish, but what's the point of having a good career if I'm still alone? I don't need that much for myself.

And please don't get me wrong. I'm more than willing to give a lot and do a lot for the people I love. The problem is that there's no one in my life like that.

I dream of having a family and children someday, but fuck, I'm already 23. People keep telling me I'm still young and that I have my whole life ahead of me, but there's no way of knowing when I'll meet someone, how long it'll take us to get close, or how long it'll be before we're ready to have children. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to run out of time.

I'm genuinely scared. I really want to be loved by someone and have someone to give all my love to.

Thank you for reading this.

I’ve been realizing how people can walk away from your life at any moment. Friendships, relationships, can end suddenly, even after years. The only thing that always stays, is you. Counting on others to make you happy, complete and fulfilled is therefore a huge gamble. You never know when someone decides to walk away and if your whole life revolved around them, what are you left with? Everyone talks about self-love and the cliché “love yourself first”, and truly, it’s 100% valid. If one day your partner of 10 years or your childhood best friend walks away from your life, the only person that you got, is you. This is where the importance of self love comes. Love yourself enough to not rely on anyone else for your happiness. At the end of the day, we came into this world alone, and we’re leaving alone. People can walk away at any moment.

There are so many things I want to try: singing lessons, art classes, writing courses, public speaking, etc. I look them up, imagine myself doing them, but never actually sign up.
Part of it is not wanting to spend money, but I think it’s also fear or avoidance. It’s been a pattern for years. Even at university, whenever attending seminars was optional, I often wouldn’t go and would end up spending the whole day in bed instead.

It’s not like I never do anything. I paint, journal, sing at home occasionally, recently ran a 5K and spent the summer in Portugal. Still, I feel like I’m constantly holding myself back. It’s the same with jobs and other opportunities.

It gives me so much anxiety because I’m terrified of wasting my life. I keep avoiding things I actually WANT to do, only to feel terrible about missing out.

And people say “just do it,” my therapist talks my wishes through with me to, but if I could, wouldn’t I have done it already? That’s the frustrating part. I feel stuck between wanting to live my life and somehow being unable to make myself do it.

Does anyone else experience this? What helped?

I often feel like I have an invisible sign above my head that says, “I’m insecure, and you’re free to take advantage of me.”
I’ve felt this way for a long time. It’s almost as if certain people can immediately sense something about me that makes them think they can disrespect me, talk down to me, push my boundaries, or treat me however they want.

What do you think makes someone come across as insecure, vulnerable, or easy to take advantage of?

Is it body language, the way they speak, being too nice, avoiding confrontation, or something else?

Have you ever felt this way yourself? And if so, did you figure out what you were doing differently from people who seem to naturally command respect?

Hey, I am at university and currently have no friends. Everyone tells me I should have tons of friends (especially as a junior) and a vibrant social life. However, every friend I’ve made in college has been terribly toxic and abusive. I just actually left a friend group in order to just be alone with myself. I am discovering and working through what makes me attracted to such awful people. This is the first time I had the opportunity to work through my past.

Even though I am enjoying my time being alone, I feel this shame of having no friends. Family and other people judge me and it makes me feel like I am wasting my life.

I’ve dealt with a lot over the last 3-4 years which has fundamentally changed who I am. I used to be outgoing and silly and talkative. I didn’t always think twice before I spoke but I knew that that was just a part of who I was. I could strike up conversation with anyone, make friends pretty fast, and always felt like I had a nice community around me. About 2 years ago, I experienced a complete shift. Every close friend that I had moved away, I surrounded myself with people who were apart of the same organization as I was but never truly felt comfortable there. (I did student radio in college and was surrounded by people with all these cool amazing skills and crazy knowledge about niche things and honestly it just made me feel like I was the most uninteresting person in the world.) I began to feel incredibly self conscious. I isolated myself to get away from it all but my mental health deteriorated quickly from loneliness. At this point, I was working a full time job to pay my bills and taking 15 credit hours. I was completely overwhelmed by everything and constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It all came to a head when I just completely shut down mentally, flunked most of my classes and was almost dismissed from my university. I was able to get an appeal and worked really hard and was able to graduate a year later. I’m proud of my achievements but I felt like there were so many parts of myself I had to deny to achieve it. Once again, I was just incredibly self conscious, always felt (and still do) like I was the dumbest person in any room I entered. Couldn’t maintain a conversation because I was afraid that they would “find out” that I’m stupid. I tried to improve it by reading and gathering more information for talking points but it all felt like useless knowledge I couldn’t use in a conversation so I still always drew a blank when trying to talk to people. I just began to feel like a completely useless, uninteresting, unintelligent, unfunny person who no one should waste their time talking to. Moving back to Chicago, surrounded by family and friends again, I had hoped I would finally start to feel like myself again but I just don’t yet. And I’m becoming afraid that I never will. I’m so rigid now and am constantly thinking twice about what I say. I feel like I just cannot be myself anymore and even if I tried, I wouldn’t even know the self I should present. Is this what ego death feels like? Maybe so. I just am wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this or has some insight into how I might be able to tap back into who I am again. I’m so stuck constantly thinking about what everyone else is thinking of me that I don’t feel like I focus on anything else besides what I can do to make people like me more. My personality is gone. I’m just a shell. I hate it. And it scares me. 23M

I am starting a daily accountability thread from today where i will specify how much i studied, where did i lack, and targets i completed

**About me and my plans:

-Student

-Preparing for my collage entrance exam (JEE)

-Other than posting studying time I ll also mention how i utilised my free time (I solve sudoku and Read articles on Substack)-

**My Plans

First 15 days - I will study for 8+hr (currently i only do 6)

For first 30 days i will also do a bit of running after that i have to spam mock tests (so may not be that consistent in this)

I aim to post till January 22 , 2027 as that's my exam date, after this i will most probably have built a strong base/ trained my brain to concentrate more so i will stop posting, (There are 2 phases of this exam Second phase is in May 2027)

Few Extra Points ::

* As proof of study time i will post my ypt recorded hours with to do list written in it

Today's study time will be posted on 1 am (IST) and the challenge starts tomorrow

,

I don't trust myself, pretty sure I have a severe case of ADHD

I'm 25, ever since my teens I've been inconsistent, but I've been always intrigued with learning. I'd teach myself different skills related to programming, music production, etc. But I've never stuck to anything, I didn't go to college, and just have been doing side things for money. If I would have stuck with something I would be at an elite level which kills me thinking about it.

My years filled lacking of inconsistency and stubbornness has resulted me being in this weird position in where I'm not sure where to go with my life.

I'm in sales, a self-employed person. I get paid well, when I REALLY try hard at it. That relies heavily on myself for getting work done. But I'm always forcing myself, pushing myself to work - it's all unenjoyable. Combined with the fact that I don't really like being in sales, it's a pain everyday and I struggle to get out of bed, struggle talking to people, feel like an imposter... But I also realized that the general lack of dopamine makes my anxiety higher, my self-confidence lower and I always second guess myself with negative talk.

So when I decide to take a different route I think to myself:

"Here we go again.... You weren't able to be consistent last time. What's going to change?"

"What happens when you run into an issue and give up?"

Everyday I'm worried where money will come from if I cannot even trust myself. The longest I've done something was powerlifting for 3 years, I'm relatively fit, but even lifting didn't really improve how I felt internally.

Socializing is hard and there's no short-term reward for me doing it, but the loneliness kills me. I do have a inferiority complex due to an immense amount of trauma. I don't really connect with people, I'm awkward and I don't have the desire to. I'm alone working in front of a computer everyday, but having a long-term relationship was something I really enjoyed.

I even have a hard time calling my parents, I just don't think about it, just don't respond and I feel like a dickhead. I don't even have the desire to work to provide for my old parents and it doesn't feel right.

Many points I think it's over for me, that I will never stick to anything. Even during graduation, my teacher told me to "stick to something creative" and that felt like a punch in the stomach, made me feel so low-iq, but maybe she was right...

Can anyone relate to this? I don't feel like a mature adult.

I'm thinking to give up the idea of business and entrepreneurship for now as I cannot sort myself out. It's a blow to where I thought my life was going to go. My self-image isn't as easy as I thought it was. I might just go be a 9-5 mechanic to give me some form of consistency, I've also worked on many project cars. I've always had a thing for assembling things and puzzles.

According to the people in my life, I've always been told I have the ability to find creative solutions, or to try and experiment a lot. I have a great intuition and can relatively act quickly and see something other people cannot. I'm very detailed orientated, but insanely stubborn.

I want to start this off by saying, I don’t think I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts, I just never am. I’m 27M. Between work and my relationship, that alone keeps me “not alone” all day. When I do have a spare minute, I am on my phone looking at sports scores or setting my fantasy lineup. If that’s done, I scroll on Facebook or Instagram. When I’m in the shower, I listen to music. When I’m driving, I listen to music or call someone.

I should mention I do have ADD and I have always chalked it up to “well, I have ADD, so I always need to be doing something…”.

It’s gotten so out of control that if I man not entertained/working on something, I’ll have a song stuck in my head and I’ll be whistling or humming that to myself.

Again, I don’t truly believe I am afraid to be alone with myself. I don’t have anxiety or fear of the unknown, etc. but it’s almost like I don’t choose to be or can’t?

I’m only asking this because I feel like long term, this will burn me out. I already do kind of feel run down at times mentally and I normally credit it to work or any other issue in my life. But I’m starting to think that it may be a bigger issue than I thought.

Is anyone or has anyone ever been in this headspace? Any advice is helpful. Thank you.

I'm not talking about being chased by a goose. That's a perfectly reasonable fear. I'm talking about the ordinary fears. Uncertainty. Change. Letting something matter enough that it could go wrong. The chance that trying will rearrange the life we've gotten used to.

I've noticed that the stronger the want, the louder the fear tends to get. We can want something so badly that not getting it feels unbearable. And getting it can be just as frightening. What if it isn't what we pictured? What if it costs us the version of life that feels safe, even if safe has started to feel small?

So we stay where we are. We keep the desire theoretical. That way it can't disappoint us. And it can't ask anything of us either. The fear does its job. It keeps the familiar intact.

Lately I've been asking myself what's underneath that fear. And sometimes, it's the desire itself. The possibility that another way of living might be waiting for us.

The fear isn't wrong about the uncertainty. And sometimes what we already have really is worth protecting. But in trying to hold on to what's familiar, we can also keep ourselves from discovering what else might be possible. Not every fear needs to be pushed through. Some are there for a reason. But others might be worth getting curious about before we let them make our decisions for us.

We don't get to know how it turns out before we try. That's the part no one can skip.

Have you ever realized, after the fact, that something you were avoiding was actually something you wanted? What was the fear protecting?

Please share

So after I (40M) got out of a relationship with a narcissist (lacks empathy, never ever said sorry or taken responsibility, does not care for repair kind of person), I decided to take control of my life again to move it towards my dream life

And that includes:
Accumulating more wealth
Buying my houses for stability
Finding a wife and life partner

To achieve that, I decided I’d start some new business ventures to get there, since it’s been a familiar path to financial success for my life so far. Plus, when my businesses were doing well, I usually felt decently good about myself and it’s when I attract former partners.

I thought, pick that one thing that would uplift the rest of my life and focus on it, is pretty smart. In this case, focus on launching successful ventures = Wealth, feel good about self, gain more respect from others (due to value created) = All round win?

Turns out, 2 months in…

I’m still building and yet to launch (so much more to it than I thought, so instead of feeling good about self, I’m demoralized),

I’m not meeting people to date - the whole journey is actually keeping me in more than I’d like (I’m just working all day and all night at home, with zero desire to go out and meet people to talk about anything that isn’t work),

I’m not working out as I’m so busy, so the physical glow up isn’t happening as intended

I’ve not had the headspace to serious consider the housing I want to purchase.

In short, I’m starting to feel like my chosen path to turn my life around, is kind of making me more stuck than ever.

But I’d like to think that this is maybe a short term issue, and once things start rolling, I might be able to take it slower.

It’s all a bet now.

i have a history of premenstrual dysphoric disorder, atypical depression, and obsessive compulsive disorder, all of which make it difficult for me to feel like brushing my teeth matters at all. i just feel like shit about it and i don't do it and then i feel insecure about my teeth sometimes. i feel like i have to be intentional when i'm brushing my teeth. it makes me feel sad that i struggle with this and i feel lame even though i know it's probably depression.

I think I finally understand why I’ve been feeling so stuck.
All this productivity and hustle culture stuff isn’t necessarily bad. I think we can all recognize that there are objectively good things we should be doing. Going to the gym, building a career, taking care of ourselves, managing our time better. These are all worthwhile things to pursue.
But none of them necessarily address the real problem of becoming a better person.
I think a lot of us get into self-improvement for that reason. We want to become better versions of ourselves, not just for our own sake, but for the people around us.
And I think I’ve realized that’s why I’m still stuck.
I’ve spent a lot of time working on productivity, discipline, and getting my life together. And the thing is, it works. I’ve made progress in those areas. But it hasn’t necessarily made me a better person.
I’m not just talking about the obvious things, like communicating better, managing my time, or being a little nicer. I’m talking about something deeper. Valuing the right things. Treating the people around me better. Actually becoming someone who doesn’t hurt the people he cares about.
And those changes are hard.
It’s almost like trying to get rid of your crutches when the reason you’re using them is because your leg is broken.
In my case, at least, it’s not that I’m necessarily just an asshole by nature. I’ve been an asshole. I’ve done things that were selfish, hurtful, and wrong. But I don’t think those behaviors exist in a vacuum. There’s something underneath them that I haven’t properly addressed.
And I think that’s where real growth starts. Acknowledging that something is wrong.
I’ve ruined friendships. I’ve hurt people who cared about me. I hurt a girl really badly emotionally, and that’s something I’ve had to sit with.
I’ve never particularly cared about being a saint, but I’ve also never wanted to be someone who causes other people pain.
I’ve reached a point where I can accept that I might eventually have to face the consequences of the pain I’ve caused. Call it karma or whatever you want. I understand that some things can’t just be undone.
But I still want to be better.
Even if becoming a better person doesn’t save me from those consequences, I still want to change.
And I think that’s the realization I’ve been missing.
Productivity can make you more efficient. Discipline can make you more consistent. Going to the gym can make you healthier. Building a career can make you more financially secure.
But none of those things automatically make you a good person.
You can have a great career, be in amazing shape, have your finances together, and still treat people terribly.
And conversely, you can hurt people without necessarily doing anything wrong. Breaking up with someone, setting boundaries, or making decisions that disappoint others are all parts of life.
But that’s not what I’m talking about here.
I know I’ve done things that were genuinely wrong. I’m being intentionally vague because the specifics would take a lot to explain, and they’re not really the point of this post.
The point is that I’ve been trying to fix my life by improving everything around the actual problem instead of addressing the problem itself.
And I think one of the hardest things to accept is that even if I genuinely change, that doesn’t mean the people I’ve hurt will forgive me.
I could become a completely different person tomorrow, and it wouldn’t erase what I’ve already done.
But maybe that’s the point.
You’re not supposed to grow just so people will forgive you. You’re supposed to grow so you don’t make the same mistakes again.
And I think that’s the difference between improving your life and actually improving yourself.

There’s nothing. I’m convinced I’m the ugliest, dumbest loser to roam earth. I’ve felt this way my entire life but have been feeling it really strongly lately. Help and where to start would be nice. Thanks

I’ve been thinking a lot about why it’s so hard to actually stay consistent with habits, even when you know exactly what you should be doing.

For me, I’m starting to think sleep is much more upstream than I realized.

Whenever my sleep schedule gets bad, everything else starts getting noticeably harder. I procrastinate more, I scroll more, I’m less likely to work out, and even basic things feel like they require way more effort.

The annoying part is that I used to interpret all of that as a discipline problem.

So I’d respond by trying to become more disciplined: stricter routine, earlier wake-up time, more rules, less screen time, etc.

And usually that would last a few days before falling apart again.

Recently I’ve been experimenting with doing almost the opposite. Instead of trying to completely fix my schedule overnight, I just move bedtime earlier by a small amount and focus on actually repeating it consistently.

It’s obviously not revolutionary, but it made me wonder if a lot of “self-improvement” advice starts too far downstream.

Maybe if your sleep is completely unstable, trying to optimize everything else first is just making things unnecessarily difficult.

Curious if anyone else has noticed this in themselves.

Did fixing your sleep actually make other habits easier to maintain, or do you think sleep gets overstated as the root cause?

A few years ago in college I met a girl in class and instantly fell in love. She was surprisingly my downstairs neighbor at the dorms. We became friends and developed a situationship for the next 3 years. Although we never dated we were mutually exclusive for 2 of those years and those were the happiest times of my life. We did everything together and spent time together almost every day. We borderline lived with each other. This went on after graduation. Unfortunately she was never ready to commit and didn’t feel love the same way I did. She ended up moving back home 4 hours away for personal reasons and felt like we should work on ourselves apart. This was a year and a half ago.

Before her I’ve never truly felt whole or fulfilled but, she gave that to me. She made me feel happiness I’ve never felt. She was the first girl I actually fell in love with, one that I more than anything wanted to be my life partner. Most importantly she was my best friend. I’ve always had a tough time finding motivation but since she left I’ve been having a tougher time finding it and being happy. This is all a year and a half later. I’ve made no progress. I still think about her daily, I feel extremely lonely, I can’t find motivation to do things for longer than a couple days, I get anxiety that shes moving on from me, and I struggle with insecurity for not being enough for her.

I don’t have many friends and I don’t have any that I can really vent to. I try to go on adventures alone and take pictures but I’m never happy. I forget for a little bit but then I see couples and when I get back home alone, I get really down on myself. I always just think, “this would be so much better with her.” I dont think it’s just because she brought me comfort and that’s the only reason I miss her. I feel like it’s because she brought me comfort and happiness AND because it’s her. I miss HER, i wouldn’t want anyone else.

I guess my question is how do I stop feeling like this. I’ve tried so much this past year and half. I got nowhere. I just want to be okay with the loneliness I’m dealing with.

Thank you

Seneca and Marcus Aurelius both practiced something called premeditatio malorum, the premeditation of misfortunes. Every so often, usually in the morning, they'd deliberately picture things going wrong, a plan falling through, losing something they valued, meeting difficult people, being treated unfairly. On paper that sounds exactly like catastrophizing, the thing therapists spend a lot of time helping people stop doing. The difference is in the mechanics, not the content. Catastrophizing spirals, one bad thought generates three more, each worse than the last, with no endpoint and no action attached. Premeditatio malorum is bounded and purposeful, you picture a specific, plausible setback, decide in advance how the person you want to be would respond to it, and then you're done, you let the image go. Seneca's actual point wasn't "suffer in advance," he explicitly warned against that, his point was that the sting of bad news comes mostly from its unexpectedness, and a mind that's already rehearsed the scenario once meets it as something familiar instead of something that ambushes it. There's a second effect that gets undersold. Marcus Aurelius opened his day expecting to run into rude, dishonest, ungrateful people, not to become bitter, but so none of them could catch him off guard. People who practice this consistently report it sharpens gratitude too, once you've briefly pictured losing something, the actual having of it stops being invisible background noise. The failure mode is doing this without the boundary, letting the imagined scenario spiral instead of resolving it with a planned response. Has anyone here actually tried this and noticed where it tips from useful into just worrying with extra steps?

Hello all,

There’s one book I keep coming back to. I’ve read it more than ten times, and it has carried me through both my best and worst moments. This summary is my gift to you, and I hope it brings you at least a little of the value it has brought me.

Book 1

• good morals and character
• control of my temper and self-control
• integrity
• manliness
• spirituality and deep respect for the godly
• generosity
• avoidance of wrongdoing
• simplicity of living
• to avoid public schools and hire a private teacher
• to put up with discomfort and not make demands
• to do my own work, mind my own business, and have no time for gossip
• do not sweat the small stuff
• to hear unwelcome truths
• tolerate freedom of speech
• the recognition that I need to train and discipline my character
• feel few needs and tolerate pain
• behave in a comfortable way when people who have angered us want to make up
• to read carefully, to not be satisfied with my own superficial thoughts
• don’t be easily persuaded by people who talk a lot
• not to quickly accept the facile view of others
• independence and constant reliability
• not to be impatient in explanation
• to always be the same man, unchanged in sudden pain, in the loss of a child, in lingering sickness. To see clearly in his living example that a man can combine intensity with relaxation
• Sextus:
  • an unaffected dignity
  • show intuitive concern and sympathy for his friends
  • tolerance of both ordinary people and emptily opinionated
  • an agreeable manner with all
  • display expertise without pretension
• Alexander the Grammarian**:**
  • not to get stuck on mistakes
  • not to constantly correct people
• Fronto:
  • to understand the effect of hypocrisy, caprice, and suspicion in the exercise of absolute rule
• Alexander the Platonist:
  • not to be constantly telling people, I’m too busy, unless I really am
• Catalus:
  • not to shrug off a friend’s criticism, even if it may be an unreasonable complaint, but try to put things right
  • to show respect for your teacher and genuine love for your children
• Severus:
  • love of family, truth and justice
  • rulers who respect the liberty of their people above all else
  • Maximus:
  • self-mastery, resistance to distractions
  • immune to adversity
  • good cheer in all circumstances
  • a nice balance of character both dignified and gentle
  • uncomplaining energy for what needs to be done
  • the trust he inspired in the way he meant stuff and was well-intentioned in all he did
  • proof against surprise or panic
  • in nothing hesitant nor hurried
  • a forgiving and truthful nature
  • no one ever thought himself belittled by him
  • help others and be eager to share, not to be a pessimist, not to doubt your friends affection for you
• My Father:
  • compassion
  • an immovable adherence to decisions made after full consideration
  • indifference to superficial honors
  • hard work and persistence above all else
  • a ready ear for any proposal for the public good
  • to reward impartially
  • a sense of when to push and when to back off
  • self-reliance and cheerfulness
  • his restriction on attempts to flatter him
  • his constant devotion to the empire’s needs and willingness to take responsibility
  • willingness to support people energetically
  • never exhibited rudeness, lost control of himself or turned violent
  • never satisfied with the first impression and leaving a question prematurely
  • the acts of a man who knows exactly what needs to be done, not the glory of its doing
• Gods:
  • that I had a good family, and did not once lose control of myself with them
  • that I had someone, as a ruler, who kept me from being arrogant
  • that I had a brother, whose character challenged me to improve my own, one whose love and affection enriched my life
  • that I had the wife I have: submissive, loving and humble

Book 2

• Today, I will meet people who are ungrateful, meddling, aggressive and malicious. They do this because they cannot differentiate evil from good. The nature of the offender is akin to mine. I cannot be harmed, as no one can infect me with their wrongdoings
• Quit your books, no more desiring, this is not your gift
• You are old. Stop allowing your mind to be a slave, jerking to selfish impulses or mistrusting the future
• Remember how many times you've put this off, how many times you have given the grace of gods and not used it. If you don't use it, it will be gone, and the opportunities will never return
• Concentrate every minute like a Roman, like a man, on any task at hand with vigorous attention with precise analysis, unaffected dignity, human sympathy, and dispassionate justice to vacate your mind from all its other thoughts. Stop letting your emotions override what your mind is telling you
• Self-harm,, my soul, you are doing self-harm. You will have no more opportunity for self-respect. This life of yours is nearly over, and still, you show yourself no honor and have entrusted your happiness to the souls of others
• Do externals tend to distract you? Then stop wandering. Those who are dead to life, have no control over their impulses and thoughts, are drivellers in deed and thought
• You can leave this life at any moment. Think about this in everything you do, say or think
• All the things have been everlasting, going round and round
• The present is all we have, even though we live short or long
• The human soul degrades itself when:
  • Disgruntled at anything that happens
  • It turns its back on another person or sets out to harm, as the souls of the angry do
  • It is overpowered by pleasure or pain
  • It says or does something that is false
  • Allowing its actions and impulses to be without a purpose
• What can guide us?
  • Making sure that the power from within, stays free and safe
  • Superior to pain and pleasure
  • Doing nothing random
  • Dishonestly or with imposture
  • Not dependent on someone else doing it or not doing it
  • Accept whatever happens
  • Accept death in a cheerful spirit, as nothing but the dissolution of elements

Book 3

• We need to hurry, not just because we are closer to death but also because our understanding, might be gone before we get there
• Do not waste the remaining part of your life thinking about others if it's not for the common good. It will keep you from doing useful things
• Your duty is to stand straight, not held straight
• How to act?
  • Never under compulsion, out of selfishness, without forethought
  • No surplus of words or unnecessary actions
  • Cheerfulness
• It would be wrong for anything to stand between you and attaining goodness. The applause of the crowd, high-office, wealth or self-indulgence. They might seem compatible for a while, but then sweeps us away and control us. Make your choice and stick to it. Choose what is best and stand your ground without making a show out of it
• What is it that makes an impression on me? What is made up of? How long will it last in nature?
• What qualities do I need to bear it? Tranquility, courage, honesty, trustworthiness, straightforwardness, independence or what?
• If you set yourself to the present task, with all your will and vigor, if you admit no distraction and keep your own divinity pure and stand strong. You will then live a good life and nobody can stop you
• No more wandering. Hurry to the end, end vain hopes, rescue yourself if you have any care for yourself while the opportunity is still there
• A good person means embracing and loving whatever happens to him, saying what is true and doing what is just

Book 4

• No action should be undertaken without aim
• Men seek retreats for themselves - by the sea and in nature. No retreat is better than the one within yourself and within your mind
• Remember that both you and he will be dead in a short time and your names too, will be forgotten
• When someone does you wrong, don't judge things in the way the person wants you to see them, but in plain truth
• What ease of mind you gain when you do not look at what your neighbor has done, thought or said, but only at your actions, make them just, respectful, imbued with good
• Within ten days, the people who hated you will worship you as a god, if you return to your principles and the worship of reason
• No wandering. In every impulse, do what is right. In every thought, think what is certain
• If you seek tranquility, do less and do only what is essential
• Is this necessary or is it not?
• Love what you have learned. And live in commitment to god and never make yourself a tyrant or a slave to any man
• You’re better off not giving the small stuff more time than they deserve
• Your death is soon upon you. Yet, you are not untroubled, free from external factors judgments, kind to all people and following the action of justice
• Look into their directing minds: look what even the wise will avoid to pursue
• We should never be like children to their parents, simply accepting what they are being told
• Human live is brief and trivial
• Be like the rocky headland, standing firm when the waves hit it. You should never say, "This is bad that it happened to me." Instead, say, "I'm happy this happened to me, that I can stand with it without bearing any pain, neither crushed by the present nor fearful of the future". It can happen to every man, but very few can bear it without pain
• For every future sad event, "This is no misfortune, but to bear it true to yourself is true fortune"

Book 5

• When you are reluctant to get up in the morning, tell yourself, "I'm getting ready for a man's work" Do I still then resent it? Is it still tough to do what I was born to do and what is the purpose? Or was I created to keep myself warm in blankets and keep warm? But this is more pleasant. Were you then born for pleasure? All for feeling, not for action?
• When looking for excuses, turn back to virtues that are wholly in your power and live according to them. Integrity, dignity, simplicity, hard work, self-denial, contentment, frugality, kindness, independence, discreation and generosity
• Your mind will take on the character of your most frequent thought, souls are dyed by thoughts
• One sort of person, when he has done kindness to another, is quick also to chalk up the return due to him. A second is not fast in that way, but even so, he privately thinks of the other as his debtor and is well aware of what he has done. A third, is in a way, not even conscious of his actions
• Welcome all that happens to you, even if it seems cruel, because its purpose leads to the health of the universe and the prosperity and success of Zeus. He would not bring this to anyone if it did not bring advantage to the whole
• To what use, am I now putting my soul? What do I currently have in my directing mind? What soul do I, after all, have? Is that of a child?
• Things of themselves cannot touch the soul at all. They cannot enter the soul, touch or move it. The soul alone turns and moves itself around, making all the externals presented to it cohere with the judgement it thinks itself worthy of
• What is not harmful to the city is not harmful to the citizen. When you imagine you have been harmed, apply this criterion. If harm is done, do not be angry but demonstrate what he himself has failed to see
• Do not let other people's grief carry you away indiscriminately. Help them, yes, as best as you can, and the case deserves. Do not imagine their loss as any real harm
• "There was a time I met luck at every turn" But luck is the good fortune you determine for yourself and good fortune consists of good inclinations of the soul, good impulses and good actions

Book 6

• If you are doing your proper duty, let it not matter if you are warm or cold, whether you are sleepy or well-slept, whether men speak badly or well of you, even whether you are on the point of death or doing something else. It suffices to make the best move we can
• The best revenge is to not be like your enemy
• When circumstances force you to distress, quickly return to yourself. Do not stay out of rhythm for longer than necessary you will master the harmony by constantly going back to it
• Do not imagine that, if something is hard for you to achieve, it is therefore impossible to for any man: consider that anything that is humanly possible, lies within your reach too
• I shall gladly change if anyone can prove me wrong and show me my mistake in any thought or action. I seek truth, which never harmed anyone. The harm is to persist in one's self-deception and ignorance
• I do my duty, the other things do not distract me. They are either inanimate or irrational or have lost the road and are ignorant of the true way
• Since you have reason and they do not, treat each animal with generosity and decency, treat men with social concern
• Reflect on how many events are happening in each one of us, both bodily and mental, at the same tiny fragment of time
• How cruel it is not to allow people to strive for what seems to be their interest and advantage. You are forbidding them when you fuss they are wrong. Show them, teach them, do not fuss
• Disgraceful if, in this life where your body does not fail, your soul should fail first
• Strive to remain the same man, philosophy wished you to be. Revere the gods, look after the man. Life is short
• Keep yourself simple, good, pure, serious, unpretentious, a friend of justice, god-fearing, kind, full of attention, strong for your proper work
• As a pupil of Antonius: His energy for all that was done according to reason, his constant equability, his piety, his serene expression, his gentleness, his drive to take a firm grasp of affairs. How he would never put anything aside until he looked closer into it and understood it clearly, how he would tolerate those who unfairly blamed him without returning the blame; he was never rushed into anything. He was not listening to malicious gossip; he was an accurate judge of men's character and actions, slow to criticize, immune to rumours and suspicion, how we were content by very little, his love of work, and his stamina. He was a man to stay with the same task until evening. Constant and fair in his friendship, tolerant of frank opposition, and delighted to be shown a better way
• Fit yourself for the matters which have fallen your lot, and love those people whom destiny has cast you, but your love must be genuine
• One person contributes in one way, another in another, and there is room even for the critic who tries to oppose or destroy. It's up to you in which category you place yourself. Indeed, the one who governs the whole, will make good use of you and welcome you
• In this life, it's only one thing of value. To live life in justice and truth, tolerant of those who are neither just nor true
• Try to persuade them, but act even if they are not persuaded whenever the principle of justice directs. Bring forth a different virtue if resistance appears
• Accustom yourself not to disregard of what anyone else has to say, as far as possible enter into the mind of the speaker
• How many with whom I came into the world have already left

Book 7

• A person’s worth is measured by what he values
• Is my mind sufficient for this task? If yes, I do it. If not, I either cede the work to someone better able to accomplish what is at this particular time the need and benefit of the community
• Your principles are living things. How else could they be deadened, except by the extinction of the corresponding mental images? And the constant rekindling of these is up to you. "I'm able to form a judgment about this event. Then why am I troubled?" All that lies outside my mind is nothing to it. Learn this, and you stand upright. You can live once more
• In conversation, one is ought to follow closely what is said, in any impulse, follow precisely what takes place
• I myself am not yet harmed unless I judge this occurrence as something terrible and I refuse to do so. Whatever anyone says or does, I must be a good man
• Do not be ashamed of help. It is your task to achieve your assigned duty. Do not let the future trouble you. You will come to it
• Do not dream of possessions that you do not have. Be grateful for your blessings today and how much you would miss them if they got lost
• Stretch your thought to what is being said. Try to get inside
• Everywhere, it is up to you to honor god, to treat men who are in your presence with justice
• Love what falls in your way and is fated for you
• The art of living is more like wrestling than dance, that it stands ready for what comes and is not thrown by the unforeseen
• Do not look around at the directing mind of others, keep looking straight ahead where nature is leading you - what happens to you and what you must do yourself
• Pain is not unendurable as long as you remember its limits and do not exaggerate it in your mind. So when you find yourself complaining, "You are giving in to pain"
• Perfection of character is this: To live each day as it is your last, without frenzy, pretense and apathy
• It is ridiculous not to escape from one's vices, which is possible, while trying to escape the vices from other people, which is impossible
• When you have done good, and another has benefited, why do you still look, as fools do, for a third thing besides credit for good work or a return?
• You know from experience that in all your wanderings, you have not found the good life, not in logic, wealth, glory, or indulgence.
  • Where do you then find it? In doing what a man's nature require
  • How? By having principles that govern his actions and impulses
  • What are these principles? Being just, free, self-controlled and brave
• How does this sit with me? Will I regret it? Concentrate on the matter at hand and see it for what it is. Remember what being a good man is and rehearse what nature demands of you, then do it straight and unswerving, or say what you best think is right. Always with kindness, integrity, and sincerity
• Let nobody ever hear you blame palace life, don't hear yourself blaming it
• Always test your mental impressions, identify the cause of the emotions and apply analysis of logic
• Turn it inside out and see what it becomes in face of death, sickness and old age
• Concentrate on the subject or act in question
• Doing something? I do it with reference to benefiting mankind. Something happening to me? I accept it with reference to god
• When you speak to anyone, be straightforward, not pedantic. Use language which rings true. You must compose your life action by action, and focus on doing it as best as possible. And no one can prevent you from that. But there will be external obstacles? No obstacle to self-control, justice and reason
• Accept humbly. Let go easily
• Do not let the panorama of life oppress you. Do not get affected by troubles that may have occurred in the past or future. Ask yourself, What is it I cannot endure or support in this work? You will be ashamed of the answer
• Do not be dilatory in action, muddled in communication or vague in thought. Don't let your mind settle into depression or elation. Enjoy yourself a bit
• Do you want to praise a man who curses himself three times an hour? Do you want to please a man who can't please himself?
• Men are born for the sake of each other. So, either teach or tolerate

Book 8

• When you meet a person, what does this person hold about the good and bad in life?
• If the choice is yours, why do the thing?

Book 9

• Erase the print of imagination, quench desire and stop impulses: keep your directing mind its own master
• Work, do not work as a miserable drudge or in any expectation of pity or admiration. One aim only: action or inaction as a civic demands
• Today, I escaped from all the bothering circumstances. They were all inside me, just my judgments
• Good or ill in the social being lies not in feeling but in action
• Just like you are a complementary part of a social system, your every action should complement a life of social principle. If any action of yours, then, do not have a direct or indirect relation to the social end, it pulls your life apart and destroys its unity
• You have endured innumerable troubles by not letting your directing mind do what it is made for. Enough
• When someone blames, hates or criticizes you, go to their soul to see what they are made of. You will realize it's no point to be anxious about their opinion of you. Be kind to them
• Start straight away if it's within your power. Do not look over your shoulder to see if people will know
• Take a view from above, look at the thousand flocks and herds. Consider the lives lived long before you, the ones that will be lived long after you: and how many you have never even heard your name, how many will soon forget it, and how many may praise you now but quickly turn to blame. Reflect that neither fame nor memory, not anything at all, has any importance worth thinking of
• Calm acceptance of what comes from a cause outside yourself, and justice in all the activity of your causation
• Loss is nothing more than change. Similar things have happened from time everlasting
• Enough of this miserable life, enough of this grumbling? Why are you troubled? What is new in this? What is it that drives you mad? The cause? Then face it
• If he does wrong, the harm is to himself
• Whenever you are offended by someone lack of shame, is it possible to have no shameless people in the world? No. Do not then ask for the impossible. This class of people also has to exists
• What more do you want, man, from a kind act? It is not enough that you have done something constant with nature? Do you have to put a price on it? As if the eye demanded a return for seeing. Man was made to do good

Book 10

• Remember that you are born to bear all that your judgment can decide bearable or tolerate in action if you represent it to yourself as a duty or benefit
• If he is wrong, teach him kindly and show him what he missed. If you cannot do that, blame yourself or perhaps not even yourself
• Claim your entitlements to these epithets - good, decent, truthful, in mind clear, cooperative and independent
• To feel fear, then pain and anger is to be a fugitive
• Whenever you are offended by someone else's wrongdoing, think about what similar wrongdoing you have done. This, will dampen your anger
• No more discussions of what makes a good man. Be one
• The eye must look at all there is to see and not say, I only want pale colors - this is a symptom of the disease
• What is his point of reference here?

Book 11

• Just as those who try to block you from your path, cannot divert you from principled action. Have a mild response to them. To be angry at them is a weakness, than to abandon your course of action and capitulate in panic
• Someone despises me? That is his concern
  • How do I regard my relation to them and the fact that we were born to each other? Always start from the first principles
  • What sort of people are they in bed and at the table? What kind of behaviors do their opinions impose on them
  • If they do what is right, no complaint. Wrong, then they are ignorant
  • You have many faults and are no different
  • You are not even sure they are doing wrong. To know, you must know much more detail before pronouncing with certainty
  • When you are high in indignation and loss of patience, remember we are here for a short amount of time and soon in our graves
  • It's not their actions that trouble our minds; it's our judgments of them. Remove this judgment and your anger is gone
  • The greater grief comes from the consequent anger and pain, rather than the original cause that caused it
  • Kindness is invincible. Show him sensitively how things are. Your advice must not be ironic or critical. It should be affectionate, not a lecture or demonstration to impress others, but in a way, you would talk to him irrespective of company
  • In your moments of being angry, remember that there is nothing manly about being angry. A gentle calm is much more human. The gentle have the strength, courage, and sinew, not the indignant or complaining. The closer to control of emotions, the closer to power. Anger is a sign of weakness and pain
  • It is madness to believe that bad men should do no cruelty, that is asking for the impossible. It is cruel tyranny, to allow them to do this to others, while demanding that they do not do this for you
  • In writing and reading, you must learn before you teach. Yet more so, in life

Book 12

• All you pray for can be yours now, if you are generous to yourself. If you leave the past behind, entrust the future to the providence and solely focus on the present with reverence and justice. To reverence, so that you come to love you given lot. To justice, you are open in words and actions, speaking truth, observing law and proportion in all you do. Let nothing stand in your way, not what anyone else says or thinks
• I have often wondered how everyone loves themselves more than anyone else, but rates their judgment of themselves below that of others
• Look at causation stripped bare of its covers; look at the ulterior reference in any action. What is pain? Pleasure?
• What liberty man has, to do only what god approves and to welcome all that god assigns to him
• What else can he do with a state of mind like this? So, if you are keen, cure his state
• If it is not right, don't do it. If it is not true, don't say it
• When you worry at any circumstance, you have forgotten several things. Everything that happens was so in the past, will be the same in the future and is happening now across the whole world, that each of us lives only in the present moment and the present is all we lose
• Continually review, those whose particular anger took to the extremes, those who reached the greatest heights of glory. Where are they now? Smoke and ashes
• Think of how worthless all the striving is. Just make yourself self-controlled and obedient to the gods
• What a tiny part of time has been allotted to us and is soon vanished. Reflecting on all this, thinking nothing significant other than the pursuit of where your own nature leads and passive acceptance of what nature brings you

Hello everyone! 😄

I’m looking for advice from people who have recovered from drug-induced psychosis or cognitive difficulties caused by prolonged cannabis use.

I’m 21 years old and used weed for around four years, from 17 to 21. I experienced a drug-induced psychosis, but I’ve now been completely sober for 8 months! 😄

My brain health has improved since quitting, but the recovery feels extremely slow. My memory is still poor, I struggle to maintain focus, my thinking feels slow, and my working memory isn’t what it used to be.

I’ve started taking omega-3, creatine, and B vitamins, and I’ve also started reading to challenge my brain. I want to do everything I can to maximize my recovery and regain my cognitive abilities.

I’d love to hear from people who have been through something similar!

Here are my questions:

1. How long did it take for your brain to recover?
2. Did your memory and focus return to normal?
3. How did you improve your working memory?
4. What helped you overcome brain fog and slow thinking?
5. Did your brain continue improving after the first year?
6. What lifestyle changes helped you the most?
7. Did supplements like creatine and omega-3 help?
8. Did reading or brain training make a difference?
9. How important were sleep, exercise, and nutrition?
10. Did you ever feel like your recovery had stalled?
11. Have you fully recovered from drug-induced psychosis?
12. What advice would you give someone 8 months sober
13. Is there any methods such as reading, playing chess or other methods that have helped you IF yes which methods?

I know recovery takes time, but I want to give my brain the best possible chance to heal.

If you’ve been through something similar, please share your experience! How long have you been sober, how much has your brain improved, and what helped you the most?

Thank you! ❤️

If you used to be shy, awkward, had very few friends, struggle with talking to people, or have little to no dating experience, how did you change?

How did you go from feeling like you were missing out on life to having a fulfilling social life, close friends, relationships, and experiences?