Hey, I have this issue where I can’t stop dwelling on things over and over again. I usually dwell on past failures, embarrassing moments and social mistakes. I am extremely scared to make new ones. I have been pretty miserable for the past 4 years because of this. I am terribly afraid of embarrassment and what people think of me.

My dwelling has impacted my life in such a terrible way and I don’t really know how to stop it. It’s like I don’t really know how to take control of these negative thoughts. My mom said this might be a symptom of OCD but idk.

Recenty i started realise that my life is kinda without purpose. I am aimless, don't have good job right now and still live with parents. My parents are getting older and i know that they won't live forever. I do contribute to rents, and foods. But it is not really well paying job. So i recently left a job. I have very bad social skills, introverted and i have hard time taking criticism. Well i do understand criticism toward me, but i don't know how to solve them. Also i am a guy who is afraid to make mistakes a lot. As i said i am very bad at taking criticism. Bc of that i have hard time talking to people in general.

I just don't have any talent in any job. I am bad at communicating and can't make job done well. Bc of that i am afraid to make mistakes.

I am just lost guy right now. I don't have kids or wife but it does not bother me. What am i suppose to do?

One day off doesn't undo your progress; a pattern of giving up does.

Lately I feel pretty lifeless, overcoming depressions and now I feel that I got no hobbies at all!
How to get a life… I dont have much close friends so hangout with friends is not a option.
Would really love to hear from fellow gurls who have overcome and living their,“Happy women“ era!

How does someone even end up in the position that im in. Im 26f, with a degree but have been unemployed for past 3 years. I dont have any desire to learn about finances, career, get a car, learn adult responsibilities. I Live at my parent’s home. Use my savings to spend on little things but everything else paid by parents (thankful) but realize its keeping in a loop. I know living at home is the reason for majority of my depression but i cant seem to get out (and my parents dont want me to move out weirdly enough).

What you recommend as the first steps to avoid feeling comfortable with struggling. It seems like for me i cant take any initiative until a major change would force me to. But with the support of my parents, i think its making me not want to be self independent even more

I have a tendency to overeat and graze out of boredom or stress, but don't have a full binge eating disorder. I suspect this habit is tied to my BPD, where I binge to escape both the emptiness as well as bad feelings. Additionally, I really struggle to focus when I'm not munching on something, I can't study unless I'm putting things in my mouth. I chew a LOT of gum and it helps with the sensory seeking aspect, but not the emotional. I also try to binge on fruit, but when I'm really upset, I can't stop myself from reaching for the sugar. I'm so so so petrified of what I'll do to my weight, but I can't seem to stop. Don't know if the binge eating or BPD subs can help me with this; please, any tips, especially from those who might relate?

Edit: I've tried to find sensory replacements for food, but nothing else hits the same besides self harm, so I guess I'm in a pick-your-poison situation. Has anyone found an effective replacement?

I struggle with making and answering phone calls, I mumble my words and I have to repeat what I say sometimes I freeze too. Ik actually doing it will help but where I volunteer we don’t get many calls so I don’t know how to get better at them. My friend doesn’t want to help me either so 🙄

how?

​

I've been thinking about something interesting about human behavior.

Sometimes we understand exactly why we do something. We recognize the pattern, know where it comes from, and even understand what we should change. Yet we keep doing the same thing.

Why is understanding our behavior so different from actually changing it?

I'm curious about what people think. Is it mostly habit, emotional attachment, fear of change, or something deeper?

I've been exploring these questions through psychology and would love to hear different perspectives.

Hello guys. I rarely post on Reddit, and I've been thinking about sharing these thoughts for a while now. I never found the right moment, but over the last couple of weeks, this feeling of hopelessness and sadness has kept getting worse. I just needed to get my story out loud.

I'm a 28-year-old man. I was always good at school, so I chose to study architecture. I got my Bachelor's and then my first Master's back in 2020 during COVID. I chose this field out of love originally, but over time, it turned into just needing to "finish what I started."

I come from a developing country, so after graduating at 23, it was incredibly hard to find a job. I worked whatever odd jobs I could for a couple of years until 2023, when I got the chance to do an international Master's in Architecture in Italy. I packed a 23kg bag, kissed my parents goodbye, and left home. I told myself that maybe this time I would fall back in love with architecture. I wanted to do it right, prove my worth, and show myself that I was "enough" in this field.

But the truth is, I didn't feel the improvement I was looking for. I constantly compared myself to other students, convinced they were better than me because they knew software that I didn't. On top of the imposter syndrome, I was dealing with severe loneliness. I didn't have financial stability or the emotional safety net of being surrounded by loved ones. I was trying so hard to force myself to love architecture again, just to convince myself that all these years of investment weren't for nothing.

Now, it's 2026. I can proudly say I just graduated from the third-best architecture university in Italy. But if I'm being honest, I was on autopilot again, just thinking about crossing the finish line. I never got that passion back.

Now that I'm done, I find myself applying for jobs here at 28 with no real work experience in the field, no money, and no car. I feel like I'm starting from absolute zero...from scratch. I feel like I somehow didn't play my cards right. I kept comparing myself to people and dragging old traumas with me into new chapters. I don't feel like im "good enough" to even work in my own field, and I absolutely hate this feeling.

But I want to change this pattern. I don't want to give up on something I actively chose and invested so much of my life into. I want to figure out how to break this habit of self-doubt and finally give myself a real chance.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation or felt this "late" in life? How do you get past this feeling of starting from zero?

PS: thank you guys for reading and for your time , and sorry if the post have negative energy i just wanted to vent

I’ve been noticing how easily I can focus on someone else’s struggles while setting my own needs aside.
I genuinely enjoy helping people, but I’m learning to recognize when that comes at my own expense.
Has anyone else experienced this?

I’m almost out of my 20s, and lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and the choices I’ve made. Honestly, I feel like I’ve wasted a big part of my 20s, especially when it comes to my career. When I compare myself to my friends, I feel like I’m way behind in life, and sometimes it’s difficult not to feel disappointed in myself.

Over the past two years, I’ve tried to change my life several times. I would get motivated, declare a new Day 1, make plans, and feel like this time would be different. But eventually, I’d fall back into the same old habits, especially procrastination. Before I knew it, I was back where I started, repeating the same cycle.

Recently, I started questioning my mindset and came across the concept of a growth mindset through Carol Dweck’s work. It made me realise that maybe I’ve been looking at my failures all wrong. Instead of treating them as proof that I’m incapable of changing, I want to start seeing them as opportunities to learn and improve.

I know reading something and actually applying it are two different things, but this time, I genuinely want to give it a proper shot.

It’s currently Day 4, and so far, things are going well. I’m trying to apply for jobs, learn new skills in AI and coding, and build a better future for myself. I’ve also realised how much time I waste mindlessly scrolling on my phone, so I’ve changed my phone screen to grayscale to make it less appealing.

I know four days is nothing compared to the months and years of habits I’m trying to change. I also know that motivation won’t last forever, and I’ll probably have days when I feel like giving up again.

That’s why I wanted to make this post.

For those of you who have managed to break out of a similar cycle of procrastination, inconsistency, and repeatedly starting over, what actually helped you?

How did you stop going back to your old habits? How did you learn to stay consistent even when you weren’t motivated? And how did you deal with the feeling that you were falling behind everyone else?

I’m particularly interested in practical things that worked for you, rather than just motivational advice. Even a small habit, a book, a mindset shift, or a lesson you learned the hard way would be helpful.

I’m trying to remind myself that it’s not too late to change my life, but sometimes I still struggle to believe it.

If you’ve been in a similar position and managed to turn things around, I’d genuinely love to hear your story.

Thanks for reading.

It's already 10 days , time passes so fast damnnn

So Here is the day 10

I woke up at 6:40 am and today I did the following

Health -

Rest day today so no workout

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( at day 1 my elo was about 620 , now it's around 650 )

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German ) ( My accent might be not german but I am definetly making progress )

5) Brain exercises ( Fast mental calculations and memory exercises )

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - radioactivity )

Academics -

1) finished 7 chapters

Finance -

Earned good today

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

My sugar cutting is going smoothly , I don't consume processed food....also I love milk so yeah I drink it daily ......

I added another thing to my diet - Fruits

I am eating 1 fruit a day for vitamins

My shower routine is upgraded

I have specific things and gels which I apply in showers day wise

I earned money and with it I bought my skincare kit

I apply Aloevera gel before sleeping on face

I apply face serum , moisturizer on face after showering

I apply body lotion as well

I also Apply a face wash during showering and also in the evening

I cut my nails every Sunday so there are no days when I have long dirty nails

Plus a few more

I will improve more

Will update tomorrow

Good night lads

I’m 25 and a couple weeks ago, I got out of a 4 year long relationship. It was a tough choice, but I decided to break it off. I had to move out of our apartment and I went to my parent’s place.

Since that, it’s been hard to do anything. I stopped working out, lost some weight (I’m already very skinny), I’ve just been doomscrolling and playing videogames when I’m home, I don’t care about anything. I do go out with my friends and that’s the only time when I don’t feel like shit, but the moment I leave them this dread appears.

My life is gone, I have no idea what the future holds, I don’t have my own place to live or the finances right now to support myself fully. The worst thing to me is that I’ve mentally fallen into old patterns of thought. I truly though that I was out of these type of spiraling, self-depricating thoughts. Now I just feel like I’m spiraling deeper. I have no motivation to do anything, like working out, and the longer I don’t do it the harder it gets so I’m thinking what’s the point. I struggle a lot with my self-esteem and my looks, and I know I’m not ugly, but I’m fucking so skinny. And the energy it takes to eat properly and work out… man I just don’t have it in me. And all my progress and efforts from the last year are just gone in 3 weeks.

I feel stuck. I was thriving before the breakup. Now I feel like nothing matters. I just had to vent and bitch about these things cuz I honestly have no idea how to fix this. I can’t stop myself from thinking that I’m a loser who is underweight and lives with his parents again. I’ll go see my therapist soon, but in the meantime, do you guys maybe have some advice?

Hello fellow beings! I have been having these self sabotaging thoughts since I was a teen. When I first learned what r_pe means, my mind would keep repeating thoughts as if its happening to me even if I don't want it, it still used to keep repeating almost the whole day. It's a bit better now since I am able to stop and forget them for a while but I want to get rid of this sabotaging habit for good! It's not just this but I used to watch a lot of crime documentary because I have an interest in them but then I used to keep thinking myself in the victim position and keep repeating it all the time. Especially the Junko Furuta case. ( Please don't look it up. The case is really horrible if you are not into these stuff ). It had genuinely gotten so bad at one point that I stopped watching those videos just so I can stop thinking about it. I would be really grateful if someone can help me with this. Have a good day everyone!

We each choose whether we will build a wall or a bridge.

The wall isolates us, not only from each other, but from ourselves as well.

Rather than dividing us, the bridge connects all life to each other.

If we view the world through a wall, having only a partial view of it as we gaze over its top, we will only see a superficial image, a façade we each project to others.

When we see a world full of bridges though, we will sense the wisdom and unconditional love that is present within each, intimately connecting us to each other, wishing only to help all others we see on the other side of the bridge instead.

~ Ken Luball ~

This forum helped me quite a bit this past two weeks opening up to my wife of 10 years. Is it OK to keep some things private because it seems odd being close to somebody and not sharing.

Two things for me:

1. I finally shared with my wife that a heartbreak prior to our relationship has caused much anxiety and worry that my current wife would leave me. The scars never healed of fear. It was great opening up and sharing this.

2. My father was physically abusive but she is completely unaware of this. My father went to recovery and he's never went back that route. She loves my father and thinks the world of him. But he hurt me very bad over a very long period of time.

I have two kids and I'm not concerned that he will harm my children. I don't know if I want to go down this nightmare of conversations. Would love insight on this.

I deliberately avoided posting my Day 54 update because I felt like nothing significant had happened. But looking back at these three days, I realise that avoiding the update was just another way of avoiding accountability.

I'm now combining three days into one post again, and I need to be honest about what's been happening.

Day 54 — A Good Morning, Then Nothing

Day 54 started pretty well. I went for a morning run, went swimming, and completed my physical activities.

Unfortunately, that was where my productivity ended.

The rest of the day went into sleeping, watching unnecessary content, and falling back into compulsive sexual habits. I wasted a lot of time and energy doing things I already know aren't helping me.

I also worked on fixing my motorcycle, and I managed to get it running again. At the time, I thought the problem was sorted.

But the temporary fix didn't last.

Day 55 — Another Day Wasted

Day 55 was even worse.

I didn't do any physical activities, made almost no meaningful progress, and spent much of the day sleeping and falling back into the same habits.

I kept wasting time and energy instead of working on the things that actually matter to me.

And my motorcycle broke down again.

I've been trying to get by with temporary repairs, hoping each one will last a little longer. But it's becoming clear that this approach isn't working anymore. The problem needs a proper solution, not another quick fix.

Looking at my bike situation alongside my daily routine, I can see a similar pattern: I keep choosing whatever makes things easier in the moment, even when I know it will create bigger problems later.

Day 56 — Trying to Get Moving Again

Today started better.

I woke up early, hoping to go for a morning run at the university ground. However, my motorcycle wouldn't start, so I had to change my plans and run around my hometown instead.

After coming home, I did a workout and went swimming. I also went through the news and finance.

But then the same cycle started again.

I spent a significant part of the day sleeping and falling back into compulsive habits. It feels frustrating to keep repeating the same behaviour even when I'm fully aware of its consequences.

Thankfully, the evening was a little different. I went out to play football with my friends, which was a nice change from spending the entire day indoors.

Later, I completed my LeetCode practice as well.

So, while the day wasn't as productive as I wanted, at least I managed to get some physical activity, spend time with friends, and keep up with my coding practice.

What I'm Realising

I'm more than halfway through this challenge, but I keep returning to the same habits I wanted to leave behind.

I start the day with good intentions, complete a few tasks, and then lose hours to distractions. Sometimes I don't even bother posting an update because I feel like I have nothing worth reporting.

But that's exactly why I started this challenge in the first place: to recognise these patterns and work on changing them.

I don't want to keep depending on motivation, making ambitious plans, and hoping tomorrow will somehow be different.

I need to make it harder to fall back into these habits, take responsibility for how I use my time, and stop letting a bad afternoon ruin the rest of my day.

I also need to stop neglecting important problems until they become more expensive or difficult to solve.

Moving Forward

I have 34 days left in this challenge.

I want to focus on rebuilding my routine, making consistent progress in my AI/ML career, working on meaningful projects, and getting serious about my job search.

I also want to take control of the habits that keep draining my time and attention instead of pretending they'll disappear on their own.

I know I won't fix everything overnight. But I can't keep using that as a reason to delay getting started.

Day 54–56/90 complete.

Three more days have passed, and I'm still fighting the same battles.

I don't want the remaining days to become another collection of excuses and missed opportunities. I want to look back at Day 90 and see evidence that I actually changed something, even if that change wasn't perfect.

It's time to break this cycle, one decision at a time.

I've heard and read that the antidote to crippling fear of failure is to keep trying and failing, and you'll realise it's not that bad.

That's not working for me.

What's happening for me is that I am terrified to do X, so I try X. I royally mess up X. I break down in hysterical tears and feel awful, and it's like it's reaffirming I can't do X. So then I become more frightened, and struggle even more.

I... Don't know how to envision this any other way. And I'm exhausted and horribly depressed.

I also have adhd to my tendency to mess up and make mistakes is ridiculously high. Which exasperates the whole thing.

What other way can I tackle this and get my life back? From driving my car to speedrun to going to the gym, everything is slowly being impacted by my fear of failure.

Lying in the dark and suddenly replaying an awkward handshake from seven years ago isn't personal flaw—it’s a byproduct of sleep neurobiology.

As you transition into sleep, your prefrontal cortex (the rational editor) dials down activity before your Default Mode Network (DMN) and limbic system. Without the daily sensory inputs and logical filters keeping your attention focused, your brain scans unresolved emotional memories to catalog them.

For anyone wanting the research papers and full breakdown, it's on oddlyclear dot com (search: Remembering Embarrassing Moments).

Honestly I've been smoking weed to cope with my situation, I was homeless car living for 2 years while in school full-time and just recently moved into a room. I was still able to keep up with assignments while smoking frequently even with some harder classes but lately I've just had zero motivation and drive using concentrates frequently. I know I smoke to cope with being behind in life and having no purpose, no hobbies and just a negative outlook on life.

But now that I have a place I want to make some progress in my life I just still have this habit and can't stop completely, I keep going back to buy. I was able to reduce my daily use to a few puffs of flower while I was trying to study in a harder class but was only able to do that for a few weeks. I'm able to stop if I have a purpose or job I enjoy, right now I'm putting minimal effort in school and have no job since I was in homeless and trying to manage school. I've still been able to complete two semesters with good grades and get my tax cert while smoking but now I just have a lack of drive to do things in life, I know I need a job to take up my time, really I'd like to work at a bar again making good tips or something related to accounting/tax prep, I just spend a lot of my time from 2pm - 6pm high doing nothing.

Question in title.

I’m a 24 year old guy man, and throughout my childhood, I struggled with severe anxiety. I was always afraid of what other people thought of me. I constantly overthought everything, wondering what would happen if I did this or that. I had a stutter, I was shy, and I always tried to please others. I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety about going to school.
Two months ago, I hit rock bottom. For months, I had isolated myself and completely neglected myself. I stopped going outside, stopped taking care of myself, and barely ate. My inner light, my inner fire, was simply gone. When I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized myself. I looked like a dead person.
I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I knew I couldn’t keep living like that. I wanted to get my life back. I wanted to look in the mirror again and feel proud of the person looking back at me. Deep down, I knew something had to change, and I knew I had to be the one to make that change. I believe many of our struggles have an origin, and for me, a lot of it goes back to my childhood and the way my parents treated me. I grew up with an aggressive father who hit me and an alcoholic mother. Those experiences affected me deeply, but I don’t want my past to determine the rest of my life. For the past few weeks, I’ve been going to therapy to become mentally stronger and more stable. I recently signed up for the gym and started working out to become physically stronger as well. I’m also trying to build a routine, bring more structure into my life, and slowly get back on my feet.
I realized that I needed to give my life a purpose. And that purpose is to become the best version of myself.
I want to challenge myself, do the things that scare me, and stop running away from the things I know I need to face. Because the more you do difficult things, the easier they become over time.
Every day, I ask myself two questions:
“What am I going to do today to change what I see in the mirror?” I don’t want to reach the end of my life and regret all the things I could have done but never had the courage to do. I don’t want to lie on my deathbed one day and ask myself, “Why did I give up on myself? Why didn’t I even try?”
There’s a quote that has always stuck with me:
“One day, the ghosts of your unfulfilled potential will come to your bedside. They will look you in the eyes and say, ‘You could have brought us to life, but you didn’t. And now it’s too late. We’re going to the grave with you.’” I don’t want that to be my story.

I’m already starting to notice that my life is slowly getting better. Therapy has taught me to focus more on myself, to do more of what I actually want, and to live my own life instead of constantly trying to please everyone else. I’ve also started distancing myself from negative people who drain my energy but have no intention of changing. I’ve stopped trying to be there for everyone all the time, and I’ve stopped trying to save people who don’t even want to help themselves. For a long time, To be honest, I really don't give a damn anymore. Now, I’m learning that I can’t spend my entire life trying to make everyone else happy while neglecting myself.
Of course, I still have bad days. Days when everything feels difficult. Days when I question why I’m doing all of this. Days when I doubt myself and don’t even want to get out of bed. I still often feel negative or stiff, tense and I also experience physical problems, such as frequent neck pain. I want to build a routine, set goals and work towards them, meet new people, build friendships, and become more open to new experiences. I also want to become someone who spreads positivity, makes other people smile, and gives compliments without overthinking it. I want to become physically stronger and mentally more stable, more open to new experiences, and less tense and closed off emotionally.

But I’m learning that progress doesn’t mean feeling good every single day. It means continuing to show up for yourself, even on the days when you don’t feel like it. I didn’t get to where I am overnight, and I won’t change my life overnight either. But I’m willing to put in the work, one day at a time, because I know that if I keep going, things can get better.
I don’t want to give up on myself ever again. Because no one is going to do the work for you.

I hope you all find your way out of your own dark places, and I hope I can keep finding my way out of mine and never end up back there again.

There is only one you. Be the best you that you can be.

My current goals are hypertrophy and aesthetics first, skill development second.

Monday:

Morning - Muay Thai

Evening - Weightlifting (upper bias)

Tuesday:

Morning - Neck Training

Evening - Weightlifting (lower bias)

Wednesday:

Morning - Muay Thai

Evening - Calisthenics

Thursday:

Morning - Neck Training

Evening - Weightlifting (upper bias)

Friday:

Morning - Boxing

Evening - Weightlifting (lower bias)

Saturday:

Morning - Hiking

Evening - Calisthenics

Sunday:

Evening - Yoga (Active Recovery)

NOTE:

All resistance sessions consist of 6 exercises, 2 sets each.

Neck sessions consist of extensions, flexions, lateral flexions and static holds (20 minutes).

Combat sessions are kept around half an hour and focus on technique and cardio.

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Let me know if you would change anything and tell me of your own training regimes.

Hello everyone, Yesterday, I had an appointment and noticed that my voice sounded very nasal, almost as if my nose or ears were blocked. One of my nostrils is usually open while the other feels blocked. When this happens, I feel insecure and worry that people have trouble understanding me. However, someone told me they hadn’t noticed it. What could cause this, and what can I do about it?