I hate being a doctor.

I regret becoming a doctor

I grew up with severe anxiety. I couldn't properly communicate, was always stuttering if a group of clasmates was near. My adolescente was also really lonely.

At college things start to get better, got my first girlfriend, was studying in a great school for a career that most people would only dream to be possible. Bear in mind that in my country, medicine, as in most countries, is really disputed but the best colleges here are actually free and i got in one.

Six years after graduation, married (the absolutely best person in the world) and I hate so much about my life.

I hate working in high stake environments and having to be alert all the time. I hate the long shiftness and I hate so much disease. I cant stand so much suffering. People being fed by gastrostomy. Young patients with terminal cancer. I know most people may have contact with this misery at some point of life, but is my everyday life. I feel like some terrible affliction is right on the corner waiting for us all. I cant stop seeing the faces of some patients that have a tough end and I couldn't to anything.

Most people suggest me to change my practice. Choose a specialization that I dont have to see all of this but I cant stand medicine. I dont think im growing intellectually, I feel it's the world job possible, only satisfying by the salary.

Im 33 years old already and I feel like shit.

There are days that patients and their families will scream with you and accuse you of malpractice because an exam was delayed. Five minutes after you had to talk with an young woman with terminal cancer that was crying because she would like to be there for her son 2 years old birthday. Than your boss want to know why you are not discharging the patients fast enough and why you are asking for expensive medication.

Then you see thst even with an reasonable income, you will probably never own a house. Having a big family will be hard. And even if you manage it financially, you would not be there.

I feel as anxious as when I was little but instead of "not cool enough" I feel an agony and racing thoughts all the time about death, suffering, and injustice.

I think I grew in how I manage a lot in my life because of adversity at work. But I think I will go crazy at some point.

I always dreamt of being an writer, dont know what made me choose that miserable path.

Fuck I hate all of this

For context, my parents were breaking up, he was not supposed to come home at all.
At 8 am i woke up from the sounds of door slamming and car driving away from our house, i wondered, well, okay, maybe he came to pick up his stuff.
He did not.
He and mom were in the kitchen and she was making him coffee, and as soon as she turned his back he attacked her with a screwdriver and started beating her up, i ran downstairs as quickly as i could and tried to help, but i am 18, weak and 5’0 tall and it didn’t help me get a 5’8 fat man off my mother, kicking and punching did nothing. I ran outside and called the police immediately, then, thank god a mail woman was driving her bike and delivering mail, i called her in and he was shocked and let go off my mother. Me and her ran outside barefoot and while waiting for the police to arrive he locked the house and started cutting his veins and slitting his throat, by the time they arrived he was dead. Blood was all over the first floor but he passed away on the second floor, at first we thought he had killed the animals but they were safe. I didn’t go upstairs but from what my mother told me it was a nightmare. My mother is okay, she got away with a few scrapes and bruises as the screwdriver was too dull to do any major damage, we’re safe and sound but will need therapy. As a note, he was severely schizophrenic and a stoner, he refused all help we tried to give him for years, he was in an episode and nothing we did helped, the day before on tuesday police also caught him but later let him go as he “sounded coherent and sane”. I am still shocked by all of this and processing. Please keep your mothers safe, do not let anyone in an active aggressive schizophrenic episode inside your house no matter what. Call the ambulance, police, do not try to help them yourself if they don’t want help. I don’t know how i’ll pull through because, just a week ago we were talking about our halloween costume plans, today, he ended his life in the most gruesome way possible.

I (f19) genuinely fucking hate my best friend’s (18) girlfriend (f19).

I know how this sounds, I’m the girl best friend and all that, but hey, that’s why I’m posting it here instead of saying it out loud.

It has gotten to a point where I genuinely don’t want to talk to him anymore because of her.

Now you may be wondering what this girl could have done to make me hate her so much? I don’t even know where to start.

Here are some examples of the things she’s done within the last six months:

The two of them, my boyfriend of five years and I went to Amsterdam this summer. She yelled at me after I repeatedly told her to get off the bike lane because, and I quote, it’s none of my business and they should just see her and drive around her.

During the entire trip she insisted the four of us do everything together, refused to make any choices about what we should do and then, when I made choices about what I wanted to do and did them complained about me to all our mutual friends because I was being bossy despite telling her multiple times that none of them had to join me, that they could gladly do something else. At certain points I even plainly stated that I’d prefer to do it alone since I know it’ll be something she specifically isn’t interested in and that I didn’t wanna drag her into a nerdy store that I know she wouldn’t have any fun in. I ended up finding out she shit talked me and I told a friend that I thought that sucked. She had a freak out over this and informed me that she was actually allowed to shit talk me because, once again her exact words, I’m a bitch and she’s in the right.

Yesterday after my boyfriend and I had a fight they all went out together while I stayed home. She found out we’d fought and messaged me about it, asking me a million questions. We never text and she always ignores me when I do text her so I left her on opened cause I just really didn’t see why she thought that was any of her business. This morning I woke up to a pissy message from her for leaving her on opened.

She constantly makes subtle digs at me for EVERYTHING. The way I dress (I’m kinda emo and do goth make up sometimes which I get is not everyone’s cup of tea, we live in a tiny area in europe so not a lot of people dress like that here but it has gotten to a point), my disability (I’m deaf/HoH), my interests, etc

Recently we even got into a huge argument because, and I shit you not, she thought the Purge was a real thing Americans did.
We were at a birthday party and she was talking to my boyfriend about something that happened in America while I was talking to someone else. Eventually she somehow mentions to bring up the Purge and starts talking about it like it’s real so my boyfriend asked her hey, you know that’s just a movie right. She then proceeded to explain that yes, it’s a movie technically but it’s obviously a documentary cause where else would they have gotten the footage. A lot of people overheard and ended up trying to explain to her that that’s not how movies work and that just because there’s a video of something obviously doesn’t mean it’s real. At that point I still stayed out of it because her thinking crazy shit and not backing down on it happens at least once a week and I’ve learned from my past mistakes (she once compared me not knowing the love island contestants to her not knowing who the beatles are and then yelled at me in front of everyone when I asked if she was serious). The argument between all of them went on for around 20 minutes when I eventually just kinda raised the point that I’ve lived in America and can promise her the purge is not a thing that happens. Her reaction to that was to get up, start yelling at me, try to belittle me and storm off.

A similar thing happened when I tried to tell her to maybe cool it with the ChatGPT usage (she has a shortcut button setting for it and talks to it like it’s her friend, she gave it a name), when I told her she not to refer to Intersex people via a slur and to not tell people that that slur was the correct term (the slur doesn’t exist in english I think), when I had the audacity to say that her friend that id met once and who during that one meeting laughed at me when I asked my boyfriend to translate something she said for me (the language of the country we live in isn’t my native language) could not come to my house when her and my best friend were coming for dinner etc etc

I’ve even spoken to her about it and was under the impression we made up or whatever but I guess not.

I dont even think she has an issue with me and her boyfriend being friends per se, he has a lot of female friends but she’s only this hostile towards me. She has a reputation for being a bit of an asshole towards everyone but this is idk…a bit too much.

The only other person she’s this hostile towards is my friend L (f17) who’s my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend. She constantly calls her stupid, makes fun of her looks to her face and behind her back, calls her disgusting in every possible way and brings up her past mental health issues as a way to belittle her in front of others. When I defend L she usually just makes a joke about how we’re probably secretly lesbians and that’s why I’m defending her, since me and L are both openly bisexual. She also takes a huge issue with us being bisexual, to the point where she’s informed me she feels sexually harassed by us. When we asked her what she meant she informed us that the “sexual harassment” was me and L kissing EACH OTHER (not her!!!!!!) when drunk or using the restroom together.

It’s now gotten to a point where I don’t talk to my best friend for days at a time. I avoid being at hang outs that she’s at. I’ve left hang outs because of her. I’ve genuinely started avoiding that entire friend group because she has such a fucking issue with me and my friend. I even considered just ending the friendship with him because obviously I don’t want him to pick me over his girlfriend but I also don’t think it’s okay that he’s just allowing her to go unchecked.

Idk, I know I’m probably gonna get a bit of hate in the comments and thats okay I get it’s an odd situation but it does still hurt me and I just really really really would do everything to not be around her ever again

I'm 27, a woman. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I've never been obese, but I naturally hover around a size 12/14UK (8-10US). Im about 174cm tall. When I was a teen and young adult I got down to size 8 but that was through an undiagnosed ED.

I've also been more or less active at various points. As a teen I did swimming and Netball and ran. I was pretty fit.

I got into a bit of a rut with my now husband, eating unhealthily, drinking a bit, enjoying going to restaurants. Nothing that was a worry but definitely not taking care of ourselves.

This past year, I made the conscious choice to be healthier. I go to the gym 6 times a week, or run, or swim. I eat pretty well. I don't overeat, I mostly have veggies and protein.

And I'm STILL a size 12. I dont have any hormone or thyroid issues. Women in my family just run fat.

I'm over it. I'm doing everything right and nothing matters. I feel stronger, and fitter sure but I don't look any different. What even is the point if I don't see the difference anyway? It's so stupid. I don't want to rely on a medicine for weight loss but I'm running out of options.

So my family, that I’m very no contact with, found out about the pregnancy and are now threatening to find and beat me up.

I went no contact with my family last year after dealing with a lifetime of abuse.

To make 22 years of bad stories short, my mom abandoned me and only showed back up in my life when I started working at 17 for cash and my dad took out all of his anger regarding what happened with my mom on me and my sister. We both spent our entire lives being raised in one room, not allowed to leave the room, and were beaten for questioning my dad’s delusions (he’s a delusional and views himself as like some god that’s being gang stalked). It wasn’t until last year that I managed to save up enough money to up and leave. My sister stayed behind because she was planning to enlist anyway.
The last words I heard from my dad were literally “f you.”
After that, it’s been mostly quiet. I decided not to keep in touch with the rest of my family after learning that they were aware of what was happening and thought I was overreacting and ‘destroying my family.’

So I still live in the same town, a dollar can only carry you so far from home, and I guess my dad had seen me out in public. Since last night, my phone has been blowing up constantly with threats of violence. He’s threatening to stalk me, to find and beat me up for betraying him, he’s talking about how he can find out what my car’s tags are so that he can follow me to my apartment and he’s spread the news to the rest of my family.

So I’ve been harassed nonstop from everyone calling me sexist slurs and taking my dad’s side in this. They’ve also been threatening to find out who my doctor is and crash my appointments 🫩 not the first people to do so but sti.

I really don’t have much support from my fiancé’s family since they view me as a monster for having boundaries. My fiancé is a little lost on what to do as well. I’ve called the police and they’ve told me that they really can’t do much unless he’s actually done something, if they have reason to believe that my life is in danger, and if I have proof of him stalking me.

I plan on changing my number, taking different routes to work, parking far from my apartment, laying low and just disappearing lol. I’m incredibly stressed and scared. I know that man will hurt me if he finds me.

I really don’t have anywhere else to vent to as I don’t have a social life irl (just don’t have time for it atm), my sister is away and only gets one hour a week of screen time and my fiancé is clueless. Idk just feel kind of stuck and needing to scream into the void until I wipe my socials for fear that he might be watching me here.

Edit: thank you so much for the comments and support (: you all have made my evening. I’m going to attempt to file a report at my station tonight and hope that something good comes out of it.

Edit 2: I managed to file a police report after work yesterday. The police seemed more bothered that I was filing and told me that there isn’t much they can do in domestic disputes unless it escalates to violence. I’ve ordered a Ring Doorbell Cam and asked my leasing office not to let anyone who drives any of my dad’s cars into the complex (I live in a gated complex with cameras). I’ve gotten some clarity regarding what’s potentially happening and why my family is losing their shit and I’ll hopefully be sharing it in an update real soon :) thank you all for the encouragement and kindness! It really does warm my heart

BPD mothers are the worst, they can dish it out but they can never take it, also enjoy having no emotional support, being abused as a caretaker and a free therapist and this started when I was 6, I wish I did have emotional available parents who could give me a secure childhood.

for a few months this year, life actually looked like it was getting better for my husband and I

over the last month, I had to have spinal surgery due to cauda equina, found out my grandma who I’m extremely close to has less than six months to live, my camera, which is my source of income, broke, any and all of our money has went to bills and our savings have been wiped out. my business Facebook and instagram have been banned for no reason. business I’ve built over 7 years and leads gone.

my best friend has found a guy she fancies and completely changed overnight, doesnt care anymore, can’t speak to her. she was like a sister to me. I have no one other than my husband now. I’m so alone. my phone has started flickering and I can tell it’s going to die. everything around me is breaking. I can’t sleep. my husband is getting bullied at his job and we suspect he might be let go. I honestly seriously dont know how I’m supposed to keep going.

I’m suicidal. no my gp doesn’t care, their solution is antidepressants which right now would make me feel worse. yes I’m thinking about my husband. I just want to feel something that isn’t despair and depression and sadness. I want to close my eyes and never wake up again. I’m not sure if I want to drink or what. I don’t know what to do

*Disclaimer: Apparently I should not teach because of my bad English. Thankfully, I am not an English teacher, and English is not my first language. I apologise for potential mistakes. *

Half a year ago, after I just started my job in the position of a colleague on maternity leave, a child in 6th grade talked to a teacher about the abuse at their home. He said they beat him, that there is cocaine inside his drawer from his older brother etc. He showed us his bruises and told us both parents caused it while beating him.

Our protocol as well as the protocol in my country is to call CPS and file a report the next or the day of reported abuse. We waited, since nobody was sure if the story was real. That's because he is struggling with speech and seems to have a really light developmental disability.

He mentioned it again and the headmistress was called. She suggested we talk to the parents first. I insisted we report it. Other colleagues encouraged me. I sent the report after two weeks after the first conversation and signed my name.

Once the CPS got the report, they called me and asked if the child needs to be removed from home. I got shocked and said no. I expected them to investigate first.

The parents rushed to school two days later. The mom was hysterical, the dad was pissed. They were completely shocked, but they stayed civil and firm. They denied everything.

First, we took a softer approach, having the "maybe you need some help as a family" convo. After a while, the child confessed and the parents showed all the evidence that he was lying. I cannot go into detail but the investigation uncovered nothing at all. They even checked the phones.

He made it up. We all realised it.

We almost took the child away from a family that was not doing anything wrong. The CPS is not backing down despite not having any evidence (we keep it touch). At this point, they are doing it on a hunch.

Even worse, not only his previous school, but also the employee I am substituting, was previously used to this "stories" and never did anything, just called the mom.

I have to work with this child for another half year. I am incredibly ashamed in front of the parents. All of my colleaguss suddenly knew he was making it up. But there is my signature on the report. The family almost lost their jobs and their children. I feel sick everytime I think of this. I don't want to feel bad for doing the right thing, but this time, it does not seem to be right at all.

I hope that the next time I am in a similar situation, I will be able to call CPS again. But this time, I regret it.

EDIT: since users keep asking about the bruises - he got checked by doctor at the time and is still getting checkups. We have an official report. The bruises were deemed to he consistend with falling. Nothing suspicious was discovered.

EDIT2: He is getting and is continue to get help from different mental health professionals - school counsellors, CPS counsellors, a psychologist and family doctor. He is also scheduled to get psychiatric help.

I keep making my life more difficult with procrastination.

Ive known about this dissertation i had to write for about 1 year and 7 months now. in 10 days i'm supposed to submit it and i just hate myself.

why would i let it get this bad? and its not just the dissertation, we are graded on our activity log, every time we work on the project we have to write the date and the contribution we made that day.

So now not only do i need to write 6000 words on jet engines in 10 days; i have to completely make up and fabricate an activity log for a year and a halfs time. And i have midterms now..

Cant even be mad at anyone but myself. im a loserrrr

​

I don't even know where to start. First of all I know this is silly even dumb but I'm having big feelings.

In the Bigfoot subreddit there is an ongoing conversation through a series of posts regarding the new Bigfoot documentary.

For those who don't know, the Patterson -Gimlin footage is one of the most controversial pieces of tape im American history. It's a short video of two men going on horseback ride and running into a Bigfoot. It came out in the '60s it has since been slowed down, stabilized and brutally analyzed. For ages the tape has been incredibly controversial as it's been quite difficult to replicate. The two men in the tape have claimed it to be true.

There is a documentary that is either coming out or has already been released that in-depth discusses this tape being a hoax. There have been a lot of interviews, articles, etc claiming it's a hoax or claiming to debunk it. But, until now none of them have been able to do it as thoroughly as this documentary has or will. Partly because at least one of the men in the original video is explaining how they did it.

I'm in tears. The people actively posting in the subreddit are being quite calm and rational as there's no real way around it anymore. But I am crushed. I don't know how to or who else to share this with. I know it's just a tape maybe even a dumb one at that but I guess over the years I've held onto it as one of the "indisputables." Not because it proved Bigfoot was real but because it couldn't simply be explained away. It was too well done. Numerous documentaries have tried to replicate it but never quite gotten there. Now it all just feels so stupid. It felt like one of the thicker pieces of real wonder left in the world. I feel absurd and ridiculous but can't deny that I am utterly crushed. Should I unfollow the subreddit? I don't understand why this is so upsetting.

Me (27F) and my co worker (22M) who I’ve worked with for nearly 2 years kissed at a work do.

We are very good friends but we flirt a lot at work, there a lot of intense eye contact and chemistry but are very aware of the age gap, and neither of us have ever acted on anything. I’ve had a crush on him for a while, (he doesn’t know) but again thought nothing would ever happen as he’s a lot younger.

We went to a work do, free bar got drunk & went out afterwards, came to mine with some others for more drinks. He was been very flirty, had his arm around me holding my hand while stroking my thumb all of that, and we ended up kissing very intensely for a while, in my bedroom, numerous times. We kept stopping and saying we can’t do this but also could not keep our hands off of each other (mostly him) It was nice and we agreed there has always been something between us which was nice as I felt like I hadn’t been going crazy imagining things.

Since then, we’ve messaged and agreed that neither of us regret it at all and both enjoyed it (he said this first) but he then said he doesn’t think it should happen again, as we are good friends and he wouldn’t want to ruin that. I agreed with his decision but I’m now thinking maybe he will think I’m not interested if he changes his mind…

Well since the kiss, my crush seems to have gotten even bigger & I can’t stop thinking about him!!

Further context - he isn’t very experienced with girls, and is quite shy, and although disappointing I do understand where he’s coming from about the friendship.

Hey I'm 19 fem and I recently found out my dad is dying of aids due to sharing needles while doing dr*gs. At first I felt so angry at him that maybe if he just would've stopped when he first got clean he would've lived longer. I don't really have a good relationship with my dad and long story short I haven't spoken to him in 2 years since I left. I cried later that day from finding out and I feel like I'm going between emotions and idk what to do. He's dying, now either I can go see him and get everything off my chest or I don't talk to him and he dies along with everything I would want to say. This is the hardest decision of my life because I'm scared to let him back in because of what he did to me and my siblings. I hate him so much but deep down he is still my dad.

I (20F) have started to have feelings for one of my close friends (20M). I had him over my house yesterday, and decided to drink a little. By the time he had to leave, I was already pretty tipsy, and he made me promise not to drink any more since I would be alone. But after he left I admit that I drank quite a bit more.

Later that night, he realized that he had forgotten his laptop at my house (which he needs for homework) and texted me to ask if he could come back and grab it. By this point I was too drunk to really use my phone so I never responded. Eventually, he ended up coming back anyway, and (according to him) found me passed out in a pool of vomit (sorry I know it’s gross). He managed to wake me up and get me and the room cleaned up a little, but he seemed pretty shaken up and upset with me.

Now it’s the morning after, and we haven’t spoken since. I feel pretty embarrassed and don’t really know what to say to him. Honestly, I also feel pretty upset that he came back to my house without waiting for an ok from me, and that he was so upset over such a small thing (he never drinks and isn’t really used to these things, I guess).

If anybody has any advice, I’d appreciate it. How to talk to him, what to say, if I still have a chance with him, etc.

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Many say that suicide is a permanent choice in the face of a temporary problem, and sometimes that is truly the case.

But there are situations like mine where, while I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s justified, it’s not far off. I live with visible physical deformities and neurodivergences, and I have only recently become fully aware of this. It appears I have a rather rare, undiagnosed condition, even though it was noticeable when I was a child. I want to know if there is any way to navigate life despite these challenges.

I am not treated like an adult, even though I am one; I have no hope of finding love; and, beyond being unattractive and "strange," I am also due to my neurodivergences not very bright. There are people who suffer and end their lives over much less; what, then, am I supposed to do?

I dont even know what else to put except looking back on everything, I definitely lost myself massively during that period of time. Speaking to others and them telling me that I was never myself just explains it all. I put up with so much and I'm so ridiculously annoyed at myself for not leaving sooner. I have my own issues yes, but I'm genuinely glad to not be in that situation anymore. Just wish I had the courage to end it sooner but here we are. That's all.

I spent 5+ hours today going through our household's trash, including opening dirty diapers, to try and find a lost ring.

My grandfather left a gold signet ring with an emerald stone for me when he passed. I had it polished and resized, and have worn it all day, every day since I received it. Regardless of how much the ring is worth, the sentimental value is through the roof.

Cooking, cleaning, showering, and everything in-between, it's never come off. On Sunday night, I realized it was missing while cooking dinner for my family. I'm constantly fidgeting with it, partially to make sure it's still there and partially as a nervous/anxious thing, so I'm fairly confident it came off while cooking dinner and washing my hands with soap.

Had the plumbers in yesterday to check as much of our pipes as they could, but came up with nothing except a decent invoice amount. Out of desperation, I've spent the day going through every ounce of trash we have from the last week to make sure I didn't throw it in the bin with a piece of paper towel. My search included opening every dirty diaper, full trash bag, the vacuum, bed sheets, couch cushions, damn near every square inch of our house.... Still came up with nothing.

While I was doing so, all I could think was that if my Grandpa was watching, the only thing he'd be more disappointed in above losing his ring would be seeing me on my hands and knees opening dirty diapers in a desperate attempt to find it.

A very low day in my life. Thanks for reading.

Edit: First of all, I wrote this post to, well, get it off my chest. I didn't expect the empathy and suggestions I got, so thank you all for that. Since there were so many good ideas to continue the search and some of you are interested in updates, I'll keep you posted throughout the day. Just going to write a new comment for each update.

Got diagnosed a couple weeks ago, and I’m honestly just ready to get medicated. I feel so miserable and I truly don’t know what else to do. I’ve been doing horrible academically this semester of college. I’ve already dropped two classes (it’s looking like I might have to drop a third), and I haven’t even started my transfer applications for college (I’m in community college).

My math class is pretty eh. I have an A (I have an exam this week, which I have yet to study for, and that could possibly drop my A down to a B or lower). It’s not just school though. Everyday feels miserable. It’s like I’m just bored out of my mind and nothing is enjoyable. I say that but I just recently finished the new call of duty campaign in 2 days (which isnt that bad considering the game is like 6-8 hours long).

Tv shows/movies have been pretty boring as well. I booked a ticket to go see “You can see everything” since everybody is hyping it up on letterboxd. I hope that cures my boredom for a little.

I’m also very lonely and don’t have people to talk to. I try to spend time with my neighborhood stray cat, just to get out and get some fresh air.

There’s just things that I want to do and just can’t seem to do it. Like I recently bought street fighter 6, but I can’t play the game for more than 5-10 minutes. I try learning combos and get bored so fast it’s not even funny. It’s the same with deadlock and overwatch. Those are games where I actually have to learn stuff (like movement, perks/cards, how the game works, macro/micro) and that gets boring as well. That’s mostly my fault though. I have this thing where I have to be the at best at whatever I touch and will try to grind to get there. I of course never do because I never end up grinding.

There’s also math. I have so many textbooks I want to read but just can’t. I try over, and over again, but I just can’t make any progress. It’s so stressful and demotivating.

(I apologies for any typos or if things just don’t make sense. I’m just tired and trying to proofread this just doesn’t seem feasible right now. I’ll tidy it up later on.)

I hate my little sister.

I feel like ever since she was born, ive never had anything to myself. My parents call me selfish when I say I just want to be alone, or I just want to be left alone in my room to myself.

She's only 5 but I really do hate her. I feel bad, because she didnt do anything wrong. I hate her and my parents for making me feel like this.

I was in the kitchen earlier today and building with my legos I had gotten for my birthday earlier this year. I had a good 30 minutes to myself before my mom came home, and I felt fine with that. I love my mom. Then a few minutes after, my dad and my sister come home and I just feel so annoyed when she came in the room. I can't stand being around her. My dad called me rude for leaving, because I always leave as soon as she gets home to go to my room or stay in the bathroom for a few hours.

The thing is, my older sister is loved much more by my parents than either me or my younger sister. I love my older sister half to death and I could never even think about hating her.

I just dont know what to do. I get so mad just being in the same room as her, and when she came home with my dad today I got so upset I started crying. I dont know whats wrong with me, because I know I shouldnt hate my little sister. She just annoys the hell out of me and she ruins everything I try to do. Shes loud and she grabs me and gets in my space, she yells in my ear, she does loud things specifically around me (which i absolutely hate and have made known to her many times) and my parents get mad at me when I tell her to leave me alone.

I just feel like things were better with my family when she wasnt here. I love her deep down, i know that, but i cant stand her. What am I supposed to do? Do I hate her or is it just idk stupid sibling stuff?? Ive felt this way for a while, maybe two years after she was born. Idk. I dont feel like a good person because of this

I haven’t had friends in years
I’m in my first year of college right now and for the past 6 years, I haven’t had any real friends
In young elementary I had 2 really close friends but then I moved came grade 5, and we drifted apart over the years and since then, I haven’t had any friends, I’ve been alone, in later elementary when I moved into a new school before highschool, I was heavily bullied, I came into the year halfway through, everyone had their groups and I was passed around for about a week as the “shiny new kid” before being forgotten and picked on, I had books thrown in the mud, clothes ripped, insults etc

I never made friends again in elementary, then highschool started and I genuinely tried to make friends, I joined band, tried to get involved, thought I even made friends but over time, no matter how hard I tried to reach out, I was ignored and iced out, felt like I was on the outside
So eventually I stopped trying, I went through highschool alone, spending lunch reading as it was easier than facing my lonely reality

I don’t understand social cues anymore, or how to “properly” interact with people without making things awkward
I don’t feel the need for connection either anymore, I just feel numb and like I could spend weeks or months alone without issue
I don’t get what people feel when they hang out with friends, or how people interact so well

I finished highschool with nobody to talk to about it,celebrate my achievements accept my dad, talking to him is really the only social interaction I really have anymore

I started college and still am having the same issues, can’t get social situations, failing to communicate in a normal way, not really getting along with anyone
It sucks in a way, yet again in another I feel numb

Complicated feeling suck
I just hope one day I won’t be a mess when trying to make friends, and hey maybe one day, I’ll understand what it’s like to feel having a friend

Hope anyone who reads this has a good day, and thanks for reading my 1 am rant

Permission to rake me over the coals for this but I’ve had something come up that I never expected. My girlfriend and I have been together for several years. We’ve been talking about engagement and are aligned on that in the next couple years. I love her and she’s great, but there’s a couple of things that have come up over the course of our relationship. Misaligned hobbies & house cleanliness along with possible misalignment on children being the only ones we’re still working on navigating.

Onto the juice. I dated a girl for a while about 5 years ago. She moved, I supported that as much as driving her cross country. I’m a huge supporter of getting out of your hometown and plus we were pretty new, too new to rearrange your life for. We broke things off not long after the move.

We’ve kept in touch but not consistently. We recently caught up (FaceTime) and I felt guilty about it even though I was trying to sell her common collectibles, but I thought I worked through it in therapy. She remembered tiny details about me, and asked about distant family members. It made me feel so special, truly. This ex has popped up in so many dreams since we caught up so I’ve started journaling more and digging into myself, my interest in reaching out. Why I feel so drawn to her, even though I didn’t for several years. What has happened?

I’ve come to learn I’ve got unresolved feelings there so I sent a message today to say that I’m blocking her and working through my stuff and sorry I reached out several months ago and alluding to us being friends.

I don’t want to tell my partner about this because of the obvious admission of feelings for someone else, but I am not currently going to therapy so I’m reaching out here to say that I feel good with my decision, I think it was the most respectful to myself and my lover, but I am still sad. I’m thankful to know that both emotions can coexist.

TLDR; blocked my ex after feelings resurfaced, feeling proud and sad simultaneously

I am brunt out. I have been a first responder initially just a paramedic for a private service then switching to Fire and EMS for over a decade. Let me first and foremost say I love the fire side so much. It's just the calls take its toll on me. I never have really felt very comfortable talking to anyone and well my wife is great just I do not burden her with what I see. She really supportive of me though and she he has ideas of the things I see just not the grotesque nature of a lot of them.

I feel like im losing myself but I know I have to keep on going for the sake of her and our children. Sometimes the intrusive thoughts get to me and it brings me back to the the saying I heard on a Ted talk "They would rather see me die on that white horse than ever watch me fall" I just feel like im at an impasse I love all passion in doing the things I used to love to do. Going to the gym, gaming with my kids and the one friend I still have. I have tried therapy and it hasn't worked. I just want to get back to how I used to be before I 'lost my passion or voice'. I want to be the person my wife and children deserve but it's a struggle. It's going to be a climb to get back to good but I cant give up. I wanna keep that spark in my children alive as long as I can. Most them are well passed the age that the spark had long died in myself and I refuse to fall despite what the intrusive thoughts tell me like they would be better off without me.

There are times where I would just be staring into the void, think about if I get the chance to become a parent one day, I would try my best to not do or say some of the things my parents say to me. I wonder if they ever had that thought, did they ever get berated by their own parents and think that the words are so hurtful that I wouldn't want to inflict that pain onto my own children. Or do they just think that it's normal and that they need to also do it to fit into society. Why is it that the discipline shown to us have to be in such a way that can be degrading or hurtful. I have moments of reflection that makes me realize how lucky I am with my parents, I am so lucky that my parents never physically hurt me. Yet, I still have this feeling of guilt every time they use their words to hurt me, I don't even think they are doing it intentionally but the connotation behind their words have always made me feel like shit, like I'm not enough for them, or I need to achieve a certain look or grade so that I can be worthy of praise. They may not realize, but they have lowered my self-esteem so much that I get terrified to look in the mirror. What if I gained weight and they notice and they start telling me that I should work out again? Why does the notion of them merely suggesting that I do make me feel so horrible about myself? They once said to not take it to heart because they are just looking out for my health, but it feels like they're only looking out for my physical health and don't realize how much damage they have done to my mental health. I get mad every time they make a comment about eating too much or not working out enough. "Don't get mad, we just want what's best for you" they say and it makes me want to go against everything they say. It makes me want to show them that I don't care about what they think, I will not work out, I will not eat less. At least not in front of them. Because as hurtful as their words may be, I still want to be what they want me to be. I still want to achieve the image that they have for me in their heads. So I will work out in silence, not wanting anyone to know. I start to eat less, which is easier to do now that I'm living alone in college. I dread the days that they come and visit, wondering what kind of comment they will make towards my body again. But there's also this feeling of anticipation, what if they're finally proud of me for what I have achieved? What if they make a comment about my body that doesn't hold any negative meaning? If I do achieve that, how long will it take for them to eventually make another snark comment about my body. These thoughts haunt me so much, but I don't feel like I have a right to complain. My parents give everything for me and my siblings, they have made so many sacrifices for us, and there are children out there who have it way worse. So I will choose to just speak positively about my parents in every form that I fill up, I will choose to speak positively about them and what they do for me in front of my friends, I will suck up every hurtful comment I have heard from them and just think about how others have it so much worse.

this is so fucking embarrassing. i'm so hungry all the time i haven't gone more than an hour without thinking about food in over 2 years. i don't understand how everyone around me can just eat food like it's no big deal and even ENJOY it. i want to eat so fucking badly it's 1:30 am and i'm shaking crying because i'm so hungry even though i ate dinner it never feels like enough but i'm so scared of being fat and greedy it never ends i'm going to be like this for the rest of my life god please help me someone just zap my brain back to normal so i can be like everybody else i'm going to starve to death at this point i'm craving crackers so fucking badly and they're right there in the cupboard but my thoughts are going crazy it feels like a bully is screaming at me any time i even think about eating something that i might enjoy my stomach is growling so loud oh my god my whole existence is torture it's like my body and my mind are constantly battling each other i wouldn't wish this disorder on anyone ever