So, umm, if you are a fan of the 911 TV Show, spoilers ahead as this happened while watching the first episode of season 10 and involved discussion about it. Sorry.

Long story short my sister and I have never had a solid relationship. Me with my non-existent social skills, and her with her adhd that makes her forget half the stuff she’s told and the other half just doesnt get processed by her brain. So there have been a lot of fights. And our Mom is in the middle desperately trying to help us communicate with each other. Though in the past two years we’ve worked hard to have at least a decent relationship, though we still have friction once in a while.

Then tonight happened. My sister joined my mother and I in watching TV. We’d started watching the episode without her, then she came to join us, so we rewound about five minutes. In the first part there was a sinkhole that filled with some water, which at the end of the rescue the camera showed bubbles in the water. Which immediately perked my curiosity.

The next scene was then the city trying to figure out why there was no warning before the road gave 20ft. The fact that there was nothing from the gas or plumbing people told me that hmm, this is probably more natural than negligence or human error.

Then there was an incident at an aquarium where the water in a tank suddenly turned acidic, killing the fish and badly burning a diver. And there were a lot of bubbles. I blurted out “Hydrogen Sulfide!” Sister told me it was probably a gas leak.

A detector the fire crew used detected sulfur. I was like “knew it!” And apparently sis didn’t register that word: “sulphur”. I didn’t know that until later.

Something to note is that I have a Bachelor’s in Geology (whoo). Specifically, I took a lot of classes focusing on volcanics and plate tectonics. Which included volcanic hazards, areas of the world that have/had volcanism, etc.. So my brain was going “okay, H2S2 is volcanic, and LA is in a tectonic zone…” Also, Volcano (1997) and Dante’s Peak are two of my favourite movies; the first is, well, a volcano forming in LA, and the other actually is the most closely scientifically accurate volcanic eruption movie.

Thus, as the show continued, I was thinking either a hydrogen sulfide gas pocket, or its source; a magma pocket. That made me conclude “volcano”. Sis kept saying “no, it could be a gas line.” Which on it’s own, fine. Except she used a a parenting tone like I’m five.

Now, I’m mad and thinking “when does a gas line have sulphur in it?!” again, not knowing she missed that one word during the aquarium scene. So we started arguing until Mom broke us up. Then I learned sis had seen the trailers (I had not). And I got upset because It felt like she was spoiling me and that I was wrong or that the events were not linked and I was overthinking. (I’ve now seen the trailers and yeah, lava! Fuck, a whole ass volcano and even a “dont get Pompeii’d”).

Sure enough, in the last few minutes… lava erupted from the sinkhole and I just blurted out “I knew it!”

Didn’t even realize it until I’d already jumped off the couch.

And sis exploded at me. Then it just dissolved from there and Mom had to yell at us both to get us to stop.

Honestly I was in the wrong for my tone (when arguing back) and blurting out stuff while characters were speaking, and she was wrong for her tone with me… but in the end I had to leave the room because she was just pissed at me while I felt like shit. Because I, once again, had completely screwed up with the social cues. Mom, totally fine with me blurting out during TV, though she will remind me not to (and I really do try). I didn’t realize that doing that would upset my sister, who i had forgotten was missing up to half the words being said. Not that she wasn’t paying attention, but more her brain not processing the words.

But what really got me was her yelling “And this is why no one likes you!” Which really hurt. Because I constantly struggle to fit in with my peers and not fuck up the social cues in public. I also got bullied to hell in high school to the point I nearly wanted to, well, alt+F4, and my mom (bless her!) had to drag me back kicking and screaming. And now apparently I can’t let my walls down at home and be more “me” and not have to focus on not making social faux pas 24/7. That I can’t just fuck up a social skill at home and be gently corrected, instead I have to mask completely around my own sister.

Currently im not looking for advice. I already have a therapist (not my mom). I just need to get this off my chest.

The irony of the title is that I don't ask for help. I don't tell people how I feel, or ring helplines or seek mental health advice or GP advice or whatnot. I have nowhere to go or no one to say.

I'm studying 2 degrees in theology and religion, one part time. I am a suicide crisis volunteer, soon to be a chaplain volunteer, I have 2 public service commitments/ duties (I don't want to mention to keep some anonymity). As well as a part time/ seasonal job I hate. Above all of this, a girl I liked and thought liked me cancelled the plans for our date, where she said not so long ago she was ready to date has now said she's not. She has drifted away. She ignores me, won't tell me what the problem is when there is one. The girl from my last relationship also left me. So when I thought it was my turn to be happy again. It wasn't.

Today before my McDonalds 3-10 shift, I arrived at 10am. I couldn't hold it together, for the very first time. I tried to fight the sadness but tears came down, I couldn't stop. And it's now like that throughout the day. Tonight. I don't know why. I am 20(m) 3rd year uni and after years of studying and disecting religion and theology I've lost my faith in Christianity. I feel like I was a Christian because at least the idea of me being a horrible and disgusting person was forgivable. Someone could forgive me that didn't leave. But now I just sit here and think to wake up. Everyone leaves me. My school friends, my last partner, the girl I'm speaking to. All I've ever done/ wanted to do is pour my heart and soul into helping others and its left me alone. And it's my fault. I'm a monster, just a hideous person. Because if I wasn't, people wouldn't leave me.

It's now come to a breaking point. I've been researching ways of ending things. I have found a couple of ways. I just have nothing. The only thing I look forward to is this goofy stupid thing I made up called Maoam monday. I have a dance lesson, and when the younger dancers come out as I wait out for mine, I ask them what day is it, they say Maoam Monday! And I'd cheer and celebrate with them hand out maoams. Then I'd just alternate different days and say they're wrong and its actually malteser monday, ask again (which they'd say "malteser monday?") and I say wrong again and say maoam monday. It's all silly nonsense to put a smile on faces and give them sweets and chocolates to end the night for them with a smile. But when that 2 minutes is over with, and it's back to my life. I can't bare to face it. The cracks are showing, and I don't talk to family or anyone about how I feel. I'd rather end it while I can that reach a boiling point and God knows what happens. I'm a monster, nothing brings joy or happiness. I don't know what's wrong with me, but there is no light at the end of this tunnel. Thanks for reading anyway, it was nice to actually type it out. I hope you're all doing well.

I'm not doing drugs or anything, but they did find some empty Xanax tablets in my drawer as well but they weren't too concerned about that. The insulin syringes were for the peptides I'm taking . I'm taking GHK-Cu which is a copper peptide that helps your skin by boosting collagen . My mom was going through my shit for no reason when she saw a little toiletry bag with my needles and alcohol swabs . I was at school when she found it and my dad immediately told me he's coming to my college to pick me up and apparently my mom was having some sort of panic attack.

So he eventually came to school, my dads has been always put emotions aside before talking and he took me out to lunch to explain myself and I pretty much told him I'm just doing this to look better and clear my skin up and he was pretty understanding about it. He said something along the lines of me being an adult now and if i really want to take it he cant stop me . He told me I'm going to have to explain to my mom myself .

When i went back home, I told my mom its just skin care and i sourced it from a reputable supplier with purity reports and COA's that trace back to the laboratory that checked if the peptides contain any heavy metals. Coming from a strict household she immediately went to the worst case scenario and told me I'm basically destroying my kidney and liver and that if i dont stop immediately something really bad is going to happen soon. Even after explaining my points she still wouldn't budge, I told her no matter now much i convince her if you have an opinion on what I'm doing you wont change it until i stop. I think she's just pissed of she cant control me anymore since she used to be extremely strict about me habits

Leading someone on is more pain than rejection

I've never felt so hurt lately. Someone who I felt so close to kind of just stabs you in the back. I wanted it to work so bad. You can't force love. For 2 weeks the words 'i think' I like you have been bothering me. We held hands, we were close. I feel like I was led on. I can't even tell if it's that you're figuring it out if you like me or anyone or you truly don't think you can't date someone. when we did the puzzle, or we were lying in bed together or you would ask to walk or breakfast tomorrow I loved it. I was looking forward to a date. To be honest I don't want pitty or something that was never going to work. I feel like you had a while to decide if you liked me before agreeing for a date. I hate rejection but I can't tell if this is more painful. The one time I trust someone with how I feel about them. Everyday I would feel extreme highs or extreme lows, like when you were happy to see me. I kept saying I was confused. I don't know if I can ever see you the same. And I feel like I've broken off everyone, I don't even really like Dominic (fake name). I stopped seeing my other friends I already knew, the other new people feel so distant.

Tldr: got told she no longer wanted to go on a date the day before after talking for a month and agreeing to go on a date

I guess my biggest fear is finding someone again and feeling comfortable enough after this

I (29f) am becoming frustrated because my boyfriend says I put too much on him and I need to also be utilizing my other supports in my system. So I've leaned on friends and my mom more but I feel like they can handle even less than he. Yk?

So it's like damn. I'm alone in these decisions I'm making, knowing I'm impulsive. Knowing I struggle with making decisions on my own. I use ChatGPT to plan things and get out my racing thoughts, and that's really helpful. Yes I go to therapy and all that, very helpful stuff. But sometimes I get frustrated because I feel like at the end of the day, when I'm deciding what to do next, I'm making these moves on my own. Which is completely overwhelming.

I finally left my toxic AF marriage that had been circulating the drain for years at the beginning of 2026. In June, I fell completely and totally in love with someone new. I had never experienced love or connection like that before, had never felt loved or desired the way he made me feel. It was a whirlwind romance. It was long distance (I’m in Canada, he’s Mexico) and when we met in person it was better than I ever thought was possible. I fell even more in love, and so did he. Leaving Mexico after that first visit was one of the hardest things I have ever done

After a few visits, with another visit already planned, he fell deep into a depressive episode. He withdrew, was distant and communication was extremely limited. My own insecurities got the better of me and I would freak out when I didn’t hear from him for a few days. He would always apologize and say things like “I don’t deserve you” when I told him I loved him no matter what.

3 weeks ago I hadn’t heard from him for 4 days and once again got super anxious. He texted me on a Sunday morning and said (paraphrasing) “I am in a really dark place and I am not able to maintain a relationship. I don’t want to keep hurting you with my distance and my silence. I love you and I want you to be with someone worthy of your love, and that isn’t me”.

Well, of course I lost it. I told him my kids were with me and I couldn’t properly address this, could we find a time to actually have a conversation? He said yes, and when we talked he said he didn’t actually want to break up, he was just feeling like he couldn’t meet my needs at the moment, and he didn’t want to keep hurting me by not being able to give me the support and communication that I needed. I said it hurt more to break up and that my love wouldn’t waver; it was my own insecurities I was struggling with when I didn’t hear from him and that isn’t his problem to manage. We talked for a few hours, had a really open, honest and vulnerable discussion, and it seemed like things were going to be ok. He told me he loved me more than anything, and he knew I love him just as much.

But after a few hours he circled back to him feeling like he is just not capable of maintaining a relationship at this time. I asked him what he needs from me. He said he needs time, and space so he can sort through his own depression and emotions related to that without having to try to maintain a relationship at the same time. I took a deep breath, and I told him “I can’t stop you from making this decision, it only takes one person to break up. However, I have a request”

He asked me what it was. I told him I wanted to see him in person one more time, because I had things I wanted to say that I couldn’t say through a screen/a call, and that I needed it so I could start healing. He agreed, and I asked if we could set a date because I didn’t want to be in emotional limbo… he said he understood and asked when I could come. I said October 5 would be the earliest, he said he understands that I want to need to have it happen as soon as possible for my own emotional needs, but asked if it could happen after October 15. I already had a flight booked October 19 anyway, so I said that was fine and I could come on the 19th, and he said that would be ok.

And that was the last time I heard from him. I have given him the time and space he asked for… I haven’t messaged him since the breakup aside from some messages the day afterwards that told him that I was sad but would do my best to honour his request for time and space.

The 19th is Monday. I still have my ticket booked, and I have booked a hotel. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for him to just not respond to me, to completely ghost me, and just ignore the agreement we made. For me to go there and not see him, not get the discussion I need to have be able to more easily close the door on this chapter of my life, because I feel like that is the most likely outcome. I rented a car and have been looking for touristy shit to do to fill my time there.

But there is part of me that can’t help but cling to the idea that through all of this, the one thing he has never done is lie to me. That he told me we could see each other and talk about the end of our relationship in person. That he said he still loved me the day he broke up with me, but that “you and I both know that love isn’t enough”. That he hopefully still cares about me enough, that he respects me enough to keep his word. That I will get the face to face interaction that I need, that I get to say goodbye in person.

And there is an even smaller part of me, that I am desperately trying to quash, that hopes that I get to see him and he remembers how good we are together and lets me stay at his side through this depressive episode; that he lets me help him and support him the way I desperately want to.

I am EXTREMELY torn about reaching out before I get on that plane. Will he ignore me? Will he tell me he has changed his mind about having a discussion in person? Will he have moved on from us? But if I don’t reach out, there is the chance that he might not even be in his home city next week as he travels extensively for work, and I might be flying somewhere that he won’t even be.

I am heartbroken, devastated, scared, and desperate to quash the hope I have because I know from experience that this kind of hope just leads to worse pain and heartbreak. The logical part of my brain knows it’s over, but the emotional part is refusing to accept that, and I am struggling

My brother made it big in life. We share the same mother only. Both parents were and still are drunks (they divorced early on). His childhood was total poverty. Our Mom went abroad for work (for context we are Hungarlan and in the 90s it was a huge povery everywhere) left him with drunk father and neglectful grandmother.

Fast forward he ran away from hom as a teenager and today he has 3 flats in Budapest, a country house, cars and is a shark in doing business. He took care of me. He was a young adult when I was born and was working hard abroad too but took so much care of me. Later he took me with him,Thank to him my childhood was decent.

He got married, they didn't want children, he said he already has me lol. He was making tons of money, I know he was also cheating occasionally on his wife and she knew too but she openly told me that men will be men and as long as he comes home to her she doesn't really care. she respects him and there is a strong bond between them. Honestly they always acted more like business partners than a couple. but i do believe they indeed cared about each other. Though my brother is rather narcissistic and sometimes closes in and doesn't really speak to anyone.

Aaaand he got a 23 years old pregnant when he was 40. She refused to terminate, he didn't want children. He told his wife and was extremely surprised when she said she is divorcing him. The baby daughter was born and lives with her mother. My brother now financially supports his mother, his daughter, his baby momma (Who constantly asks for money) and partially me. He told me one day he somehow finds it fun to be a dad and wasn't expecting it. The little girl is 2 already. During the first year he would visit her every second weekend at her mother's place (he pays his baby momma rent too) but now she is a toddler and he said he will bring her to Budapest. and then he asked me: will you be available to spend those weeekds with me so you can take care of her?

I don’t post a lot on Reddit but I need to tell someone else about this because it’s eating me alive. This might not make sense because I’m writing this all before work and can’t proofread it.

I (18F) have a best friend (17F) who I met this spring through a sport team. Let’s call her Elle. We’re both on this like adult/young adult team and it was both of our first seasons. We bonded really fast, she’s even told me she thought I was so cool and desperately wanted to be friends with me the first time we met, I’m pretty shy and self conscious so this was a surprise to me. I didn’t “fight” her but I was definitely not making it easy on her to talk and spend time with me. But she persisted and we eventually were glued at the hip every practice.

Here’s where it gets weird. We’re both gay and had both just gotten out of really bad relationships in the winter, so we vented a lot to each other. We also struggled with a lot of the same issues with our mental health, so we bonded even closer because of it. I thought she was really cute but after my last relationship that destroyed a lot of my friendships, I was terrified of that happening again and tried to squash it.

The issue is we were always very touchy with each other. Our whole friend group on the team was super into hugs and jokingly flirting, and we both slotted right into that. At first it was all just in good fun, with a little bit of extra long hugs and leaning on each other on long practice days. Then it became hand holding, cuddling, brushing each others hair. Again the whole friend group participated in this, but it felt different between us. I slept over at her house one night because she lives closer to our practice site and the whole day we acted like a couple. Got froyo together, held hands in public, cuddled together, watched her favorite movie, literally fell asleep in each others arms.

At the time I was trying so desperately to convince myself it was all platonic, I was scared of ruining our friendship, our whole friend group, and the mental toll I would take from another failed relationship. The last one took me to a really dark place and it was through joining this team that I got out of it, so the thought of losing it and being sent back there terrified me. One of our friends, fake name Jane (17F), introduced me to her friend who apparently saw photos of me and thought I was attractive, and wanted to start talking to me. We can call her Hailey (17F).

I was curious about Hailey, and as I talked to her I thought she was sweet and really friendly. I told Elle about this obviously, and she seemed supportive but off. I don’t know how to describe it or if I’m just reading too far into it, but she made a comment like “yknow, OP, if you and Hailey don’t work out I’m right here” and we all laughed but I remember being so nervous and conflicted. I literally drove home from practice crying because I didn’t know what to do. Hailey seemed like the safe option but I couldn’t stop thinking about Elle.

I’m not proud of what I did but I asked Hailey out, thinking the new relationship would make me get over Elle. I told Elle about it one night when it was the two of us getting ice cream together. Elle was quiet for a minute then said she was gonna ask Jane to give her other friend, (17F, Maria) Elle’s number. Apparently Maria had said that Elle was hot and that “if OP or Jane don’t go for that, let me have her number”. I tried to ignore how sick I felt and just supported her.

The night before a really big game, Elle and one of our other friends/teammates slept over at my house. We all slept on the floor of my room, sleeping pads tucked right against each others. Me and Elle were side by side, and our other friend was longways by our feet (their choice.) They fell asleep instantly, but me and Elle couldn’t sleep. It was almost midnight when we settled down, and we had to be up at four but the entire night neither of us got a wink of sleep. Eventually, by like 1 am, she put her arms around me. The rest of the night was like that, every time one of us rolled or stirred the other one would wrap their arms around them and just stay that way. We literally cuddled the entire night. Mind you, we both had situationships with other people, which I feel really guilty about because I don’t know if this was platonic or not.

By the time the season was over I managed to convince myself it was just the closest platonic relationship possible, not a sisterhood but like a platonic soulmates situation. I think I was just trying to make myself feel better. Me and Hailey eventually started dating, and Elle and Maria did too. Maria and Hailey are best friends so it made me and Elle’s relationship easier to describe. Me and Elle always said I love you to each other, called each other hot, called frequently, and Elle even developed this habit of putting My in front of my name whenever she talked to me, like “I love you my #” (yes she said that a lot.) I tried to ignore how jealous I was of her and Maria, and figured it was just some sort of disappointment in my own relationship with Hailey.

Then I went to college and had a horrible time. Without getting into details I was going to college four hours away from everyone, and I started to struggle with my physical and mental health immediately after getting there. I went from summer surrounded by a team and people who loved me to a very cold and sucky school, far away from everything I knew. I relapsed into some bad habits and eventually it got so bad I had to withdraw from the semester, and for the foreseeable future. Before I went home, or even made the decision to withdraw, I was sitting in a stairwell on the phone with my friend. I was telling her about Elle and after describing everything she said “wait you and Elle aren’t dating” and I explained we weren’t and were dating other people and it like all hit me like a lightbulb that everything I’ve been feeling has really just been a crush on Elle.

I broke up with Hailey a few days later after thinking about it, it wasn’t fair to keep dating her while having feelings for someone else and it was wrong of me to get into that relationship in the first place to try and get rid of my feelings for Elle. I also had so much going on I knew I couldn’t handle a relationship. Elle knows about the breakup and was very supportive, and of the four or so people who I told about having to withdraw from college she’s one of them.

The problem is she still has a girlfriend and I can sort of feel her pulling away because of it. Like whenever we talk it’s still the same as it always has been, but we talk a lot less frequently (we live like an hour from each other, so we don’t get to see each other a lot without our sport.) I think she’s having issues with Maria, she vents to me about some of it which i obviously won’t share but at the same time she’s telling me about how in love with her girlfriend she is. It just sucks that I waited so long to finally figure all of this out and now it’s too late. Elle has mentioned having a “friend crush” on me and has implied she had a crush on me in the past but it’s obviously gone now.

I feel like I fumbled so hard because maybe if I just told her how I felt instead of trying to smother it with a relationship it could’ve been different. I’m genuinely so upset because I obviously won’t stop talking to her but every time we talk I feel that horrible ache. Not to mention I feel awful about Hailey, and Maria is my friend so I obviously don’t want Elle and Maria’s relationship to fail but at the same time it hurts so much.

Thanks for reading, sorry if this makes absolutely no sense.

i wanna start this off by saying that i have ocd. this isnt an excuse, but an explanation as to why i obsessive over stuff/have a hard time moving on also, this is an online friend group:

im going to make this as short as possible, but basically back in august, i told my friends i felt a bit sad and left out within the group (there's me + 3 of them). it eventually turned into a slight disagreement and i was told i was mean. i gave them space, ther brought up the situation again to try and fix it, but again, it turned bad, and i gave them space and worked on myself.

i would reach out once in a while to try and have things back to normal and thev didn't seem to mind that. after the argument, they also agreed that we'd apologize to each other.

i want to mention that when they feel a certain way about the group, it seems like the others (including myself) can comfort them without any issues.

recently, i had decided to ask if i was ever going to get an apology (because as i mentioned before, they agreed to apologizing), and things turned rough. one of the friends who hadn't reallv been involved was kind of mean and said i was making everything about me while one of the other people in the group was being vulnerable. i was told i was mean. all i wanted them to do was to reach out more - that was the main point back in august, but now, it feels wrong.

we also have this kind of online D&D thing we do and i was the owner of the server, but 2 of them had dropped out while one of them stayed, but wasnt exactlv the most active. the friend that wasnt exactly active had something similar going on (a D&D, writing server thing), and the other two friends were in that server (one was just there for support). what made me upset was that the two who dropped out from my server suddenly started becoming really active in the other one, and the who was there for support had decided to actively participate now that my server was gone (i shut it down).

nobody talks to me unless i talk to them, and now one of them is ignoring me. i feel really upset. all i wanted was for being to make me feel appreciated im not even sure what to do at this point.

Okay so maybe not the location itself cause physically speaking, it's great. Sure the weather isn't great- though who really likes the weather where they live? Everything else is perfect for me and my outside hobbies. It's really just the people. Think small town vibes and add in religion that everyone needs to wear as a badge of honor. Everyone knows everyone, along with the good, bad, and ugly that comes with it. Only to be talked about with others because "so and so needs prayers in this area". 🙄

I stay out of the negativity but that doesn't mean I'm unscathed either. If people get too negative, then I distance myself, just to be questioned why I'm a loner. If drama ensues, whether I'm involved or not I keep my mouth shut, only then to be asked why I don't care enough. You're never doing the right thing and even to just say all of this out loud, I'd be in the wrong because how dare I look down on the beautiful community.

The only thing keeping me there is my husband. We've made a good business for ourselves there and it keeps us afloat. We can travel however and whenever we want, which is great, but coming "home" sucks every. Single. Time.

I hate it.

I was making a to go order last night for some dessert at a cute spot downtown. Not a mom and pop, but an established restaurant and bar. I placed the order and handed the woman $20 cash and was owed .34 cents. She told me to please wait for a moment and then I engaged in conversation with my friend. All of a sudden what seems to be the manger shows up and says, "you ordered the mango sticky rice, right? That's it?" I said "yes." He then says, "okay do you need your change?" | was just a little taken aback. I was confused by what he meant if I
"needed" my change? That I'm owed? So I said "yes I would like my change." He proceeded to tell me that they don't have change in the restaurant, which whether or not that's true, they should have told me that from the beginning.

I find it strange and off putting his question of asking if I need the money I'm owed? Instead of apologizing and saying they don't have change. If I wanted to give .34 cents as a "tip", I should've had the choice to put it in a jar if I wanted.

I think it's just the principle and certain things are being normalized that should not be. I also I feel like I would look like an a-hole or petty for making a stink about .34 cents.

I have avoided bars for a full year after turning 21, on the basis I don’t like or enjoy people and I would have no fun drinking with strangers vs alone. Anyways, I went tonight to a gay bar to meet a friend/interest. They were full on dancing with me, and grinding/kissing on me, I felt nothing. We went to quiet area and conversed, I copied them, mirrored almost every word. They had a great time, they loved me. I feel so incredibly neutral, I don’t know. I could not feel the energy of the crowd, nor of them, nor of anyone else. This and long list of other things (Not to be discussed) had made me realized I cannot empathize whatsoever, I can mirror, but there is no part of me that cares or genuinely feels anything about human beings. They’re just like me, but I have no feelings about them. I’m worried i’d make a terrible orangutan friend, if I just so happened to be an orangutan.

My dad SA’d me in my childhood and I can’t get the imagery of it out of my head. All my family including extended ones are super against dating outside the ethnicity. I want to deliberately date outside because the thought of getting intimate with someone in my ethnicity keeps bringing back imagery to when my dad SA’d me.

I also want to sleep with them to replace the imagery I have, with this new one that I choose to have. All while I actually want to wait until marriage for personal reasons.

I feel so bad because I feel like I’m using people and making them potentially be intimate. Because of this fear of using people, I haven’t dated at all in my life. I’m torn between getting with someone who is from my background and have similarities in upbringing and culture, and getting with someone who I feel like I’m using.

Sorry if this is dark, it eats at me every time I see someone attractive or someone I want to ask out.

​

(Using throwaway account as my friends know me in reddit)

Hi, y'all.

I've been having the weirdest out-of-body experience since meeting this guy, let's call him D, and I genuinely need to get this off my chest because WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? 😭

For some context, D and I have known each other for a little over a year. We go to the same university, have spoken quite a few times, and have a somewhat complicated backstory. He's absolutely my type in ways I didn't even know were possible. It's almost dreadful how attracted I am to him.

Before him, I was involved in a two-year situationship with an absolute piece of shit. Even thinking about that man's face is a ragebait considering everything he put me through. I thought I loved him, but NEVER in those two years did I experience anything remotely close to what I feel when D is around. In fact, I've never felt this way around anyone.

And one of the strangest things about D is how authentic he seems. He never pretended to be some perfect, morally upright person. Whatever he is, he seems comfortable being it. If he's being caring, he's caring. If he's being an ass, he's an ass. There's something oddly refreshing about that after spending YEARS with someone who pretended to be a good person while lying to me, manipulating situations, and concealing things about himself. I honestly don't even want to revisit that chapter of my life.

But here's where things get insane.

Whenever D is around on campus, even if I catch a glimpse of him for literally a SECOND, my entire body malfunctions. My knees go weak, my hands start shaking uncontrollably, and my heart starts beating so fast that I genuinely feel like I'm about to collapse. For real, I'm not exaggerating for dramatic effect. I WISH I WERE. Even my friends are concerned because none of us can explain why I react this way.

I've known this man for barely a year, and somehow, he makes me feel things I genuinely didn't know I was capable of feeling. Seeing him is the highlight of my day. Thinking about him feels like yearning for someone I can't have, except I'm doing it to myself in the privacy of my own mind (and maybe eating my friends' ears off with rants). It's exciting and absolutely miserable.

We have this weird push-and-pull dynamic, too. I think we're both avoidant, I KNOW we are both aboidant. Sometimes it feels like we're constantly circling each other without either of us actually doing anything about it. Whether that's genuinely mutual or just my delusional brain connecting dots that don't exist is another question entirely.

And the worst part? I WANT TO GET OVER HIM. I genuinely do. This whole thing is exhausting, and I don't know how to make it stop when I can't even understand what's happening to me in the first place.

It's like I'm some moth drawn to a stupid flame. I'm fascinated, excited, and almost euphoric when he's around, but once the moment passes, I feel empty and burned.

WHAT IS THIS? Is this what an intense crush feels like? And TRUST ME, I've had my fair share of crushes. Is my nervous system confusing emotional unpredictability with chemistry? Am I romanticizing a man I barely know, what we could've been? Because I feel like my body is having an entirely different experience from my brain, and neither of them is willing to explain what's going on.

Please tell me I'm not the only person who's ever felt this ridiculous. 😭

So basically I(female) was told a few weeks ago my parents(late 40’s/early 50’s) are getting divorced. They added the “we still love you”’s and the “we will try to remain friends”’s etc etc, and I can’t say I was exactly shocked tbh, but it still stings. On to what happened- when they first told me, my mom added in a little “your dad made some mistakes” while explaining things so I naturally assumed it was one of two things: A, something financial. Or B: cheating. And you can probably guess it was-

Last night we were at the pharmacy picking up a birthday card for my sisters birthday and some meds. But when we were waiting for said meds, he was sitting while I was standing and from that angle I could see his phone (because he’s a boomer who has zero awareness) and it’s impossible to misinterpret what replying to a text selfie of a (probably fake🙄) big boob’d woman meant. I was disgusted, cus not only did that mean he probably-definitely cheated on my mom, but ALSO the fact he mom was messaging a (I think) much younger looking woman right in front of HIS DAUGHTER which is just nasty. And not only that, but when we got home, as he parked he pulled out his phone and started messaging a DIFFERENT WOMAN right in front of me, like Jesus fuck at least of some stealth or dignity and wait for me to get out, wtf man!

And while this whole thing doesn’t particularly surprise me. I mean, “middle aged man who is dissatisfied with his wife and goes on work trips too much, meets younger women and cheats on his wife” is about as stereotypical as you get. The sheer audacity of doing that right in front of me AND with multiple women (and apparently some “taking off the ring” stuff based on an argument I overheard just now) has really made me (internally) look at him with disgust, after thinking he was a chill man for so many years, whenever he’s around- Which will still be for at least six months while everything gets sorted out.

And the bigger issue: I don’t know how/if/when to tell my sister(I have photo proof so there’s zero doubt). Because with both her birthday and Christmas coming up I wouldn’t want to ruin her mood and ruin the perception of the gifts she gets from family. And I feel the knowledge that I know his secret might be the end of vacations to see our grandma/Uncle/cousins. But maybe that’s selfish? I don’t know. So I’d have to either tell my sister over the phone or when she’s home from for the holidays and neither sounds good. So I’m at a bit of an impasse right now and don’t know what to do…

I created two lies, one for my family and one for my soon-to-be ex workplace and I'm disgusted with myself

(English is not my native language, so I'm sorry in advance for wonky grammar)

I (27 AFAB) will have my last shift at the current job tomorrow. For my coworkers it looks like I found another job, a remote one, with higher salary, hence why I'm leaving. But the truth is, in reality I didn't find anything - I searched for a remote job since last summer, since my previous-previous job, but didn't find anything. I applied to the current job in May, out of desperation, thinking that I'll have at least some income while I'm searching for a more profitable job. I worked there in May, for a whole summer, still wasn't able to find anything. Then all the employees were sent to 2 weeks vacation due to workplace closing for yearly "General cleaning" (I'm working at the amusement park type of place, don't want to be more detailed). I thought I'll find a new job while on vacation, since I'll be free all day for the whole time. Yet, still nothing. I returned to work after vacation, and at this point working became unbearable - my already unstable mental health deteriorated even more, to the point of me losing the remaining of my friends due to me being so unpleasant to be around, plus my physical health started bothering me too (constantly aching legs due to working for 12 hours shifts mostly standing or walking). So after some time I thought that I can't take it anymore and filed my 2 weeks notice.

However, for my family, I framed it as if the place didn't have any more work for me, since the bar when I was working is closed (that's true), and now the place has more workers than places to work (also true). Some coworkers from my bar was transferred to different bars (true), some were fired like I was (half true, they quit themselves). All so that my mother, with whom I still live in the same house, and who has been annoyed with my existence in her space for many years, would not make a scandal and say what a disappointment I am. Again. (I have a history of quitting previous jobs the moment they started feeling unbearable. Basically all my jobs. Definition of unbearable: when I started to wish I was hit by a truck on my way to work, so I don't have to be there and "be" in general). So I said I was "fired", so it won't look like it's my fault that I'm jobless again.

I feel terrible about myself for lying to everyone, but I can't, I just can't take it anymore. Coworkers acting all nice and congratulating me for finding better job, I'm nodding and keep saying how cool this new "job" while inside I feel horrible for being a pathetic little liar

I know this might seem absurd but I believe I have a good reason. For context, my mom suffers from obesity and still does to this day, so logically she passed on her unhealthy eating habits unto me which in turn made me develop childhood obesity. Because of that, I suffered a lot of rejection, bullying, and eating disorders. My obesity was so bad I had to take matters into my own hands at only 12 years old to lose over a 100 lbs because I knew no one in my family could help me or guide me. So I starved myself, lost the weight, but developed anorexia.

Now, I’m alright. I don’t have anorexia anymore, but I still struggle to have a good relationship with food till this day, but that’s another story. Well, the thing is that even when I lost all the weight at that age, I was disappointed from all the loose skin. My parents didn’t want to pay for surgery because they believed I was very young and that I would grow from it. So I waited 8 years, always hating myself for not having a normal looking body even after losing all that weight. Now I’m 20, and just this month I took the decision to make a down payment out my savings for my loose skin surgery. I still have a lot more to pay. I’m struggling financially, have other expenses to worry about since I now live by myself but I don’t regret my decision. Because I’ve grown tired of hating myself.

And I can’t help but resent my mom for making have to pay for such a large amount of money for something that should’ve of never happened. I have expressed my feelings of resentment towards her and told her that it’s only fair that she helps me pay at least $150 of the $393 bill I have to pay every month for my surgery now. I told her how that all that money I spent and that I will continue to spend could’ve gone to a car, but the trauma of having all that skin was really eating me up alive mentally. I told her how her mistake is costing me financially because now I don’t only have to worry to pay for rent, food, and other expenses but also this bill. The good thing is that she hasn’t refused to help me out in paying part of the bill, but my dad does and has threatened my mom not to help me out.

I know that my mom didn’t mean wrong when she fed me all that crap when I was kid, and has mentioned she only wanted to make me happy. But I can’t help but resent her for her mistake and I feel like it’s only fair if she helps me out pay at least a part of the bill every month. Because I know for a fact I didn’t decide to put myself through all that, I was just a child. But at the same time, I feel like I’m being too harsh because I can tell she is genuinely sorry for what she did to me.

today is my birthday and honestly it’s hard to believe my family actually forgot because just two days ago, when i bought my mom a new phone, she said “you’re the one whose birthday is coming up, so why am i the one getting a gift?” so they clearly knew my birthday was near.

but today, no one wished me a happy birthday. no cake, no little celebration, nothing. i know i’m not a kid anymore and maybe i shouldn’t expect these things, but honestly even a simple “happy birthday” would’ve been enough.

whenever it’s my family’s birthday, i’m always the one coming up with surprise ideas or preparing something for them. so experiencing the opposite on my own birthday kinda sad, ngl. i guess i just wanted to feel remembered and cared for the same way i try to make them feel.

I’m 22 and I’ve never kissed anyone and I’m a virgin. I’m not very worried about that besides the regular sort of fear of missing out on stuff, I’d like to be in a relationship in general.

I know a lot about myself. I’m a lesbian, I go by any pronouns and I identify as nonbinary. Like, I know these things about myself so I don’t know why I can’t figure this out?

Am I asexual? I do not think I’m aromantic at all. But sometimes I feel a general disinterest toward like people in general, but I know I like woman. It’s too confusing, I hate it. I have never once in my life felt like sexually attracted to someone but I like woman??

I’ve read and watched things, I feel turned on or at least I think it’s what it’s supposed to be. But I feel like I have to force myself into that state.

I don’t know what to identify as and I wish it was easier. I’m at least secure in the fact that I like girls.

I've always hated the way I (34M) look, and pretty much everyone else too. I've been bullied a lot when I was a kid for my ugliness, an I still get comments about it today.

So about three years ago I wanted to do things right and started seriously working out and planning all my meals.

I feel like I'm doing everything : I didn't miss a single workout session in the last two years, even when on holiday, every single meal I eat (except 1 cheat meal a week) is precisely measured with every food weighted to fit my nutrition goals exactly.

And the result is absolutely nothing. My body still look like the same disgusting skinny fat goo.

As a result, I spend a lot of time doing something I hate (working out. I hate practicing sports in general) and eating food I hate, just so I can feel ugly and exhausted all the time.

I tried dozens of different workout plans, I tried hiring a coach. Absolutely 0 results.

Meanwhile I see everyone in fitness subreddits or other media completely transforming themselves in 6 months while looking better than me in their before pictures.

I've tried asking for fitness advice online which always result in people telling me to do what I'm already doing.

I also tried styling my very thin hair to look better, but the dozens of hair styling products / methods I tried have exactly the same result : my hair goes back to its original ugly mess after 5 minutes. And I can't grow / style my beard because it's very patchy and full of holes.

The really frustrating thing is putting a massive amount of time and effort (and money) for nothing while everyone else is getting jacked while eating fast food and having nice hair / a nice face with little effort.

The very few friends I have avoid going out with me in public and only want me to stay inside / voicechat with me because they're afraid of being seen with me.

I'm still putting all those efforts in because it's my only hope but I feel like I hit a dead end. I feel I'm just doomed to be an ugly joke no matter what.

I've talk about it to a mental health professional, he says I should keep doing it for the health benefits, although I'm not seing any.

Lately getting out of bed becomes difficult because I really don't want to be in this body.

Thanks for reading my stupid rant.

So, my ex (M26) and I (F29) broke up in early April because his physical health wasn’t in a place where he could be in a relationship; we did stay friends, but we didn’t see each other in person for a few months (still messaged etc though).

We properly reconnected by going to a monthly market together, and he eventually met my situationship at the time (M31), and the two of them got along so well that my ex was invited on to a Minecraft realm we played on with some other friends. Things with the situationship moved to more of just a friendship lately, and my ex really helped me through my emotions surrounding that. Since then, there has been a few times where my ex has openly flirted with me on voice calls with others while playing Minecraft, and has called me ‘baby’ quite a lot of times. We’ve had two one on one hang outs since; the first time we spent nearly six hours together, including some time where we just lay in my bed facing each other, talking about whatever came to mind; the second time we spent over eleven hours together, and only ended it because it was getting super late; I think this is a good place to mention that he has an extremely low social battery also, so these aren’t normal hang out times for him.

I went to one of the markets with him and my now ex situationship today, but spent the day with him one on one mostly; there was a tarot reader there, so I got him and I some readings. It started with me getting a general one that was scarily accurate, and then after a while going through the other stalls he mentioned that he wanted to go back for one because he wanted to get some guidance on whether he should proceed with a guy he’d been seeing lately, and feeling a bit blindsided by this I also got a more general love reading that ended up being very intense. We both sat in on eachother’s readings, so after we finished my second one he asked me how I was because of how intense mine had been, and I ended up crying in his arms. After I calmed down a bit we started talking about things, and he apologised for not mentioning the guy he’d been seeing earlier, stating that he hadn’t wanted to hurt me, and then we discussed the reading he’d had where everything was essentially pointing towards him ending things with this guy, and how he’d already been leaning that way for a few reasons, one being that the guy had completely forgotten his birthday even with being reminded multiple times. My ex did try to explain it away with the guy having adhd, and when I reminded him that I also have adhd and that I had not only remembered but had bought him a present, he said “yes, but you’re really thoughtful like that, and I can’t compare everybody to you”, and I just… I don’t know.

Both of us are polyamorous, so him seeing somebody else isn’t necessarily him not being interested in me, but learning about that in the way I did really sent my brain into a spiral where I’m just confused and wondering whether I read too much into everything that happened earlier or if there is a possibility of us reconnecting as more than friends. I’m not usually one to go back to exes, but he is honestly the loveliest person I’ve ever met and cares so deeply about me so obviously; I’m just so scared about possibly being wrong about where things are with us.

To start off, we did not have a fantastic relationship. We dated for two years, starting at 21 and it ended three days ago, we are both 23.

For the first year of our relationship, she did not show me a lot of affection at all, whether it was hand holding, physical touch, kisses, or sex. She also did not say very many kind things to me at all. If we said “i love you” to each other, I would always be the one to say it first. I definitely brought up all of these things several times.

We also used to have conversations about sex. We did not have a lot of it. maybe once every couple of months. There were a few times where this weighed on me mentally. My thought process was: she doesn’t seem interested in cuddling, kissing, or even holding hands. It seems that she also does not share interest in having sex with me. She must find me unattractive, or she might not be very into me.

I decided to talk to her about it, and I did 3-4 times. I told her that sexual intimacy is important to me in a relationship. I asked her why we weren’t having sex very often. I also asked why she didn’t initiate holding my hand, cuddling, kissing, or really anything at all. I told her those things were important to me too.

There were a couple times where she said no and I got sad. They were usually after months of asking every once in a while and getting consistent no’s. I didn’t try to act sad to try and manipulate her into having sex with me out of pity or guilt. I was just genuinely sad and felt like she wasn’t attracted to me. There was once where I did start crying, about 6 months into the relationship. I did not do this because I was trying to manipulate her. I was feeling sad and I was at a loss for what to do.

The other thing was her porn usage. I was aware that she was watching porn semi-frequently while we were having large spells of doing nothing sexually intimate, and in some cases using it the night before she would come over after a couple months of us not doing anything sexually intimate. I did ask if she would be willing to decrease her porn usage and if she would be down to divert that energy into our sex life. She said yes. I would ask her occasionally “how’s the porn thing going?” And I guess I was keeping tabs on it. I can see how that is not healthy.

I never asked multiples times in one night/day. I never pushed a non-enthusiastic yes. Many times that we had sex, it would look like this:

Me: do you wanna have sex?

Her: yes (with a smile).

I would consistently ask if she was enjoying everything and if she felt ok during the act. If she gave me a “sure” or any form of a “yes” that didn’t sound enthusiastic, I did not ask again if she wanted to have sex. If she said “no” then obviously I did not ask again.

After about a year into us dating, she cheated. I was devastated, and we talked about it a lot. I wanted to understand why she did it. She said she was frustrated about me asking her for more physical intimacy like holding hands and cuddling. She said she felt badgered. She said she felt pressured to say yes even when she didn’t want to when I asked if she wanted to have sex, because of those conversations. My behavior changed immediately, and so did hers. We worked hard on the physical intimacy thing together, and most of our issues sorted out.

She broke up with me three days ago for several reasons, but one of the reasons is that she felt like I was sexually coercive during that first year for those conversations and the way I handled everything. I feel immensely guilty. I am about to start taking consent courses online. I understand how she would feel pressure from those conversations, even though I didn’t mean for those conversations to put pressure on her.

sometimes i genuinely feel like being someone who feels everything too deeply is both the most beautiful and the most exhausting thing about me. i notice things other people seem to forget within seconds. a change in someone's tone, a little distance in their replies, a conversation that suddenly feels different, a person who slowly stops putting in the same effort they used to. things that might mean absolutely nothing to someone else can stay in my head for hours, sometimes days. i replay conversations, analyse every little detail, wonder whether i said something wrong, and blame myself for things i might not even have done. i hate how much power the smallest things can have over my peace of mind. when i care about someone, i genuinely care. i remember little details, notice when something feels off, worry about whether they are okay and get attached to the comfort of having them around. i don't know how to care halfway. when someone becomes important to me, their presence starts meaning more than i know how to explain and maybe that's where things get difficult, because i can spend so much time worrying about losing people that i forget how to enjoy having them in my life. sometimes a delayed reply makes me wonder whether i'm becoming unimportant. a change in energy makes me question whether i've done something wrong. when someone slowly pulls away, my mind starts searching for reasons, and somehow, i always end up questioning my own worth. i know people have their own lives, responsibilities, and struggles. i know not every silence means rejection. but understanding something logically doesn't always stop me from feeling it emotionally and the worst part is that i don't just feel sadness deeply. i feel embarrassment long after everyone else has forgotten what happened. i carry hurtful words from years ago as if they were spoken yesterday. i remember moments when people made me feel unwanted, replaceable, stupid, or not good enough. even when i'm alone, those memories somehow find their way back into my mind. sometimes i wish i could just let things go. i wish i could stop caring about what people think of me, stop analysing every interaction, stop feeling guilty for things beyond my control and stop turning every small disappointment into another reason to question myself. i am tired of being so hard on myself. tired of overthinking things i cannot change. tired of wanting to be understood while struggling to explain what's happening inside my own head. tired of pretending that something didn't hurt when it actually stayed with me long after the moment passed and there's a loneliness that comes with feeling everything so deeply. you can be surrounded by people and still feel like nobody really understands the amount of emotion you carry inside you. you can want connection so badly but still be afraid of getting attached. you can want someone to stay without wanting to become a burden. you can need reassurance and still feel embarrassed for needing it. sometimes you just want to feel safe enough to exist as you are, without having to apologise for being sensitive. i don't want to become cold. i don't want to lose the part of me that cares, notices little things, feels compassion, and wants to make people feel valued. i don't want to become someone who treats others carelessly just because life hasn't always treated me gently. i just wish my heart came with an off switch sometimes. not because i want to stop feeling altogether, but because i want a little rest from feeling everything at once. i want to learn how to care without constantly being afraid. how to love people without losing myself in the fear of losing them. how to accept that not everyone will understand me, not everyone will stay, and not every change in someone's behaviour is a reflection of my worth. maybe being sensitive isn't the problem. maybe i've just spent so long carrying my feelings alone that i've forgotten what it feels like to experience them without being overwhelmed by them. i don't know how to change overnight and i don't have some beautiful lesson to end this with. i'm still learning how to live with my own mind, how to stop punishing myself for being human, and how to believe that being deeply emotional doesn't automatically make me weak, difficult, or too much. i just want some peace. i want to experience a good day without being afraid of when it will end. i want to care about people without constantly wondering whether i matter to them. i want to stop treating every mistake as proof that there's something wrong with me cuz honestly sometimes life itself feels difficult enough. feeling every little thing so deeply just makes it heavier and if there's one thing i wish i could tell the version of me who has spent so many years feeling everything in silence, it's this: you don't have to hate your own heart just cuz it hurts. you deserve to learn how to protect it too

I (24F) have been in love with the guy (23M) I dated when I was 16 ever since. We met when we were very young and grew up going to the same church. We started “dating” the summer of 2018 and were together for almost 10 months. (I put it in quotations cause it was a very young version of dating).

He was everything I’ve ever wanted in a man and future partner. He’s loving, so unbelievably selfless, so funny. We have a lot of the same values. He’s so handsome and whenever I see him, I get butterflies to this day.

We broke up because his parents were helicopter parents so we barely got to talk to each other and only really saw each other at church events, since we went to different high schools. It began to feel like i was in a LDR with a boy that lived 15 min away from me. When we broke up, I was under the impression that we’d get back together after we both graduated.
Well, that didn’t happen. No harm no foul. Both of us admitted we still had love for each other after grad but it was best to not try again. He left for the military and I went to college.

The problem is, I’ve NEVER been able to get over him. I’ve dated other people, been in therapy, prayed a lot about it and for him, and tried no contact with him. I still can’t get him out of my head or heart. We’ve only seen each other a handful of times since he was in the military and the last time we saw each other it still felt like my heart was pulling me towards him. The last time I talked to him I told him that i’d love to get coffee next time he was in town and he said he’d keep me updated on when he comes back but it’s been nothing since (about 3 months).

He’s out of the military living a few hours away now. We don’t talk regularly, just a story like or reply on instagram here and there. I’m pretty close to his parents still since we go to the same church and it honestly makes it harder cause I can’t see them without thinking of him.

My subconscious likes to betray me and I dream about us being together pretty regularly.

It’s hard because I’m worried I’m going to feel this way forever and carry this love with nowhere to place it.
Anyways. Sorry for the long post. I just needed to get that all out. I hope you all have a wonderful day :)

For seven years of my early adolescence i was sexually abused. I’m healing from it, and beginning to get into serious relationships. The guy i am dating just told me about the fact that he was raped as a child. I don’t know how to talk this. i mean, it wasn’t out of the blue. and i understand him and really do care about him. virginity is something i guess i really value in a partner. i know it’s rape, and i know it doesn’t count. i know i sound like a total asshole here but it makes me feel odd. i’m a totally jealous person who’s feelings are everywhere right now. i guess part of it is the fact that it’s a really sensitive topic for me, but i guess i’ve always just wanted a partner with minimal sexual experience. everything else about him is perfect. he’s my best friend, my closest friend, and i care for him deeply. i guess since we were both assaulted by women (im afab, he’s amab) there’s that societal assumption that men “enjoy it” or “can’t be raped” but i just need reassurance i guess. i totally need to get my head out of my ass and realize that this is the time i need to be there for him. i’m not asking for dating advice. i’m asking how to help him through this tough time in his life and support him as a person rather than a lover, as someone who cannot fully relate to / understand his point of view, feelings and trauma. as someone who lost everyone from their abuse, i know how it feels, but honestly im totally lost. i need someone to let me know that im a complete asshole for even feeling somewhat weird about it. especially as someone who went through the same thing.