Why do people self harm?

my mom just touched the sh scars in my thigh and asked "are you still making those little cuts?" yep little cuts 🥹

I’m a college student. I’ve struggled with self harm since I was about ten or eleven. My freshman year of college was one of the lowest parts of my life, and one night I cut my thighs really badly after a particularly bad day. It was the deepest I’d gone before and the only time I left a scar. The whole experience was so traumatizing for me, I vowed to never do it again.

Here I am in my junior year of college. Sometime in November would have marked two years of being clean from self harm.
I’m so burned out by my coursework and exams. I don’t have a good support system outside of my family and boyfriend, whom I didn’t want to worry. I kept finding little excuses to not relapse like “I’m seeing my boyfriend next week and I don’t want him to see me like this” or “I have a nice pair of shorts on the way that I want to be able to wear” that had worked for a while.

But it got so bad a few nights ago that I relapsed. Not nearly as bad as the last time I did it, granted, but it affected me all the same. I cleaned up, called my university’s hotline to talk, and then went to sleep.

I told my boyfriend what I did the next day and promised it wouldn’t happen again. I went in for a therapy session with my uni’s mental health center yesterday. It was productive, I felt better, and things were looking good. But last night I just couldn’t stop myself from doing it again. This morning, the same thing happened. I don’t even know what triggered it.

I just feel really defeated and disappointed in myself. I already told my boyfriend I wouldn’t do it again, so I can’t bring myself to tell him I already broke my promise. I know recovery isn’t linear and I should be more gentle with myself, but it just feels pathetic to have ruined nearly two years of progress over what I feel like is such a nothingburger. I survived so much worse, so why is simple burnout doing this to me? I sometimes wish I could pop open my head like the hood of a car and examine my brain and see where the problem is.

my biting myself when frustrated thing got so bad that now im breaking skin and bleeding, im truly worthless

I'm trying to stray away from cutting. Does anyone have any alternative methods that work other then that? I know I shouldn't be doing it period but I just need something anything but adding more marks to my legs.

Hello as a man I allways found it quiet funny how self harm is portayed in media. Often it's a female in their teens cutting wrist or thighs. Dressed in black wearing long sleeves.

When I was younger I would easily cover up my injuries by blaming sports or roughhousing. My SH would consist of headbutting walls, punching stuff or injuries that would coinsist with my sports. It was so easy to just shrug my shoulders and blame it on that I got jumped outside a bar etc. I never got any follow-up questions. Showing up at school or a gathering with friends and revealing a new scar or injurie was like a badge of honor.

Nowadays I barely SH but still engage in risky behavior. I wonder how many of us men fly under the radar with this kind of actions. Like provocing fights at pubs, resturants, sporting events or partys. Going home alone drunk at night and taking a shortcut through a bad neighbourhood or hotspots for robberies and assaults. Driving under the influence or getting a lift by someone under the influence. Or being part of a subculture like football hooliganism.

My question is how do other men view this stereotyp and where do they fit in? I have only talked in depht about this with one other man and he worked in a resturant and would easily blame his injuries to hands and arms as a result of his profession.

3 hrs ago I cut all over my thighs. I only had a leg warmer so I covered my thigh up and slept despite the fact it was burning me really bad. I’m not sure what layer they are because blood is stuck even though i just ran water over it (but I saw two styros). I don’t have any first aid kit or something and the leg warmer is painful so I’m wondering if someone has a hack or something or and ointment I could buy for the burning it stings pretty bad (preferably cheap)

I’m trying to be supportive of a person who I know self-harms. I discovered it just recently, but she has been cutting herself for about a year. I'm not sure if she knows I know, probably yes, but we never explicitly talked about that.

Some days ago I took her aside for a moment, told her I noticed she is struggling (I didn't mentioned the cuts because I didn't want to make her feel exposed), and that I was kinda worried for her, and I would liked to know how she was and if she wanted to talk.

I'm now worried that I might have used some wrong words, and that instead of making her feel free to talk to me about it, I've placed the burden on her to reassure me.

She told almost nothing, just that she is doing a little better lately and she thanked me for asking.

What do you think? I did something wrong? Should I apologise or bring up the topic again?

I'm also kinda worried that maybe her family is not too supportive, and maybe she also has suicidal thoughts (I've overheard her saying strange phrases). I would do anything to help her, but I don't want to be too intrusive, or add more pressure to her.

its not severe cuts which is what makes me feel like a loser. sure, some dermis but in my mind thats not good enough. i miss my old self, 13 yrs old when i would cut every night. I miss the bright pink scars and i miss cutting on my arms. now all i can do is my chest and my upper thighs and it sucks. I miss doing 20+ cuts in one session and covering my thighs and getting validation from random people online. at the same time though i hate how it's brought some weird fucking people into my life, i hate how i keep crawling back to him, i hate how he ignores how sick and disgusting he is. I wish i could tell him how i really feel but i can't bring myself to. im sorry for my stupid rant, i just don't know what to do. i hate myself and my body and I hate that i can't open up to anyone. i hate things and i miss things and that's all i do.

I have so much laundry, the room's very messy, and a lot of homework. I haven't taken a bath for 2 days now and I feel so overwhelmed. I haven't even replied to my friend's 10+ messages and I'm constantly telling myself to reply but I can't. I feel so fucking uncomfortable everywhere. But I'm literally 3 weeks clean! And I told myself I'd try my best to stay clean but it's not going well. I thought everything was great, and to tell you I even started doing skin care which was a big deal. Now, I'm breaking out because I stopped, goodness. Everything fucking sucks

I feel so lazy. My mind's literally saying "cvt yourself cvt yourself" like wtf. I can't even get out of my bed because I feel lazy but I feel itchy all over my body 'cause I feel so uncomfortable not feeling anything physically. I don't know what to do, like, where do I even start, it's such a mess and I feel so much discomfort and fuck I just wanna rest all day and do nothing but I feel so guilty because why am I like this

i feel so so im so stuck and theres something wrong with me

i cant anymore i genuinley cant im so alone

i dont even know what to do

i dont even go threre and they all speak about me but i dont even go there

d

and she delete my contact she blocked me because why bexmcause im odd and i know she did

shes not a liar and were still blaming oursleves

im so scsred

I cant stop thinking about it. what did I do? was he truly just tired and unwilling to socialise with me? was it just me? why even be with me when I always bring others moods down? why even deal with my stupid and annoying emotions? wouldn't it be better if he had a girlfriend who actually loved herself fully? I thought im heading towards the right track, I don't find myself disgusting to look at as much as before, I listen to less sad music these days, I have it going quite well in uni. we had a good time yesterday and bonded over curry. so why? why am I such an inconvenience to everyone? I am such an indecisive and difficult bitch, I shouldn't be like this. why are my parents so tolerant of my bullshit? why did I even get a new, high performance pc? I don't deserve it. why? just get me another 8 gb ram stick. why am I even here? im not even amazing, im not special, all I am is just another child to their parents, another person of a family. why does my boyfriend deal with someone as complicated and rude as me? why am I like this? why am I a defective object? why have I spent my childhood avoiding others? what the hell happened to me as a child for me to become such a disgusting introvert? can I even consider myself human? taking my own advice is hard, knowing myself; I have feelings, I have emotions and thoughts, as well as cognitive processes to that of a human being. so why do I feel subhuman? why do I feel like everything I do just ruins it all? I should've just said "no". why did I inconvenience such a good family? why am I even going to the community church if I keep putting on a facade? I tried to believe, to genuinely and actually believe that there is a loving God. but it just still seems impossible. these people actually believe in a god and miracles, they raise their hand up, they sing with ambition, they speak out of their own hearts, they probably know the bible like the back of their hand. but im just there. I don't believe in any of this, except for the good teachings such as having empathy and respecting parents and all of that. it gets so exhausting, most days I come home feeling mentally exhausted and drained; I just want to avoid everyone else and talk to my boyfriend. so today just threw me off and it made me hit myself. its a shame I didn't give myself a bruise; I thought I was hitting myself hard enough since I winced and felt my muscle getting a bit sore. I wonder if I need to cut myself again. I tell myself that im going on a clean streak, that I haven't done it since like February or march or whatever. so then why do I still want to? I know i'll feel guilty because they'll be visible and they'll go away slowly. but I also want him to see it. I want him to notice them and give me attention. why did I even kiss his cheek? why did I have to look at him scrolling when he barely looked at me? what did I do wrong? I feel so guilty, I overheard my dad calling my mom saying that I thought of myself like royalty, making people drive me home at their own inconvenience. I felt that pain gnawing at me, and it made me want to just take the knife and go at it. but of course my mom was home. I could've done it since I was home alone for 10 minutes, but I was too slow. why cant I just be normal? why am I so jealous of his female friends? I know he doesn't like them and they don't like him that way, but why are they genuinely so beautiful? they have clear skin, they look good, they dress well, they do their makeup well, I feel disgust even comparing myself to them, because I know I'll never be like them. who gave me the confidence to be this comfortable around my boyfriend when im still not enough for him? clearly if I were enough, I wouldn't feel like he was being distant. what the hell is wrong with me? why cant I just see things differently instead of overthinking and hitting myself as punishment? how does me being unintentionally clumsy result in bruises, but when I try to do it myself doesn't? I hate how empty my skin looks, I don't deserve to leave this situation unscathed. I genuinely need to learn my lesson. this isn't the first time I tell myself this; I need to know my place, I need to be normal, all of that. but when will I ever learn? when will I stop writing this bullshit and actually do something about it? I thought I was on the right track, but of course its a cycle. I relapse. or am I PMSing? well, I guess I hate being a female "human" then. I hate it. sure, I look sexy when I feel like it, but am I really worth loving romantically? he'll eventually see that my weird episodes like these will gnaw at his patience, and he'll just leave. I wouldn't blame him, but I would also blame him at the same time, since he did say he wouldn't leave me and he'd cry if he did, or if I died, then he wouldn't be able to live with himself. whatever. if I dropped dead, he'd still move on. even if I can be a good friend sometimes, im still not that special. I never was. im just a nuisance.

I'm very sorry if this is triggering for anyone, I know purging and restricting are already forms of self harm but I relapsed physically yesterday (the usual thing that comes to peoples minds when they picture "self harm") and I was just wondering if anyone else battles both of these demons? Is it common? Oddly enough it took my urges to binge/purge away for like 24hrs which I found interesting. (I havent physically sh in a very long time). I'm not looking for advice or anything, just comfort. Can anyone relate?

i want to commit , but doing so is forbidden in my religion so i cant . My life is miserable , im a flawed person , im overwhelmed rn , im going to cut myself to let off some steam

I’m really stressed right now and I really need help. I do self harm and I have quite a lot of scars on my arm, some healed some more recent… I just remembered I’m going on holiday in 6 days… it’s a holiday to the Caribbean and we’re staying in an all inclusive resort thingy and my parents will want me to go in the pool and sea… they don’t know I still cut, and I don’t have any long sleeved swimwear. When my mother found out I cut like 2 years ago she was absolutely devastated and I don’t want her to find out again…

Please please help

I reduced doing self harm significally, but i still have new blades in my drawer and sometimes i picked them up and just look at them, and i refused to throw them away. Why? Whats wrong with me?

so ive been clean from cutting for a year now. but ive recently replaced cutting with punching myself really hard. that being said, today i feel like ive overdid it. my skin on my arm is dark and it feels hard with bumps. i think these are welts? i dont know what theyre called but my arm feels weirdly numb? like i can still feel it and whenever i move it or hold anything it hurts. should i be concerned? how do i start treating my bruises and is there any good replacements to punching? thank you

Idk what to do anymore

My mom isnt exactly the easiest person to talk to when it comes to my sh. I do it to feel in control of my life because I don't really have that. Any time I try to tell her I relapsed or need help im screamed at or told I need to be thrown back into the mental hospital. I know I need to stop though and that's why i want to talk to the only adult I have but she makes it so hard.

So it’s been years since I trashed my left arm and left visible scars. I’ve only had one person in probably three to five years say something about them and it was just, “what happened to your arm?” To which I was easily able to defuse the situation with the whole “I have cats (but in my case guinea pigs)” scenario. Well today, I was helping a customer try to find something in the store and needed to whip out my work phone to try to locate the item. Needless to say, I needed both hands to type in the information. I was wearing short sleeves. I have been wearing short sleeves since they healed so for a few years. As I was typing in the information, the customer goes, “Oh my god!” And visibly points toward my arm. Since I’ve never experienced this before, I go beet red but continue with what I’m doing. I’ve never thought my scars were that obvious until now, probably because no one has said anything. I feel both ashamed but also a tad bit proud that someone had finally noticed that I’ve gone through so much pain as to purposefully hurt myself. Unfortunately, I am still leaning more towards the former. It’s been weighing on me ever since. I honestly didn’t think they were that bad but to get such a wild reaction? I’m unsure how to process this.

Has anyone else ever experienced such a thing? I know so many people say people don’t care or that people have some semblance of courtesy to not point out such obvious self harm, but damn I feel so… awkward? Bad? I’m not sure.

Let me know in the comments.

hii! i have a quick question!! some of my cuts from about 2-3 months ago were styros, they did scab over but i have a habit of picking at them (i’m not sure if this makes a difference but i just thought to include jt) but they have been untouched for about a month and a half now and are healed up but they are scared red, does anyone know what this is and how does it go away? i’m quite interested in what makes them stay that colour for so long, they aren’t lightly coloured, but rather bright red in the shape of the original cuts, thanks guys xx.

Hi this feels a bit weird and probably reassurance seeking and probably a bit to play my tiny violin, but I would like some advise of what actually works to stop/reduce me self harming and thinking about it.

I used to hurt myself years ago, then was able to stop cos I got in a relationship and was held to external account and not by myself (BC I know myself and we are a massive pushover) and only had the occasional intrusive thoughts of hurting myself from like a few a day/week. They were like framed as a you should do x though or vivid mental images of what it would look like if I did the thought. To me that's gotten a pretty manageable over the years as it's at mostly predictable things like when I'm cooking or driving if that makes sense.

But recently in the last few months it has ramped up and added to the mix are increasingly urges to hurt myself again not just the thoughts. IE the feeling of I really really want to do X to my self, and the thoughts have started to kinda shift from you should to I really want to if that makes sense.

Atop this they have increased in frequency and intensity and are often the first, last thing and alot of the in-between thoughts and inner monologue I have thought the day now and it's getting harder to ignore/mitigate them when they come up.

I have (personally foolishly) given into the thoughts and increasingly often hurt myself and then the cycle of feeling good with the thoughts reducing, only for them to come back with more vigor as I know I can hurt myself again (like I said I'm pretty weak) and it gets better in the moment only for them to come again which is not ideal, but then neither is always being absorbed in my stupid little brain and this on top of my normal self critical thoughts about myself is getting more difficult to do stuff as I get stuck in the thoughts (depending on the day self critical, self harm or both in a bit of a feedback loop) and I like stuck getting ready to do things that I would enjoy or the thoughts overwhelming me as I'm going good things but is marred by them in the moment and it no longer feels enjoyable.

I was wondering if anyone else has felt something similar and if there are anything that actually works to reduce or manage the urges. The the only stuff I can find /was told about in the past is kinda bullshit and never worked for me which is like drawing on yourself, wait and re-assess in 10 mins, have a bath and cup of tea (can you tell I went to CAMHS lol), and or controlling the thoughts as in trying to stop them does not work as they kinda like double down or if I think about why I'm feeling that way and get into this cycle (or if I think of things on this cycle it ends up in self harm-y thoughts) and I kinda just go round and round for a while: think about hurting myself -> trying to reassure myself -> you deserve to hurt yourself as your a bad un-virtuous person / need to punished for your mistakes -> thinking about what I did as the mistake / actions that hurt someone/perceived social failings.

For additional context I'm autistic and know the social communication issues/hypercriticism likely stems from that; I have just gotten out of a long term (8yr) relationship in may which ended very messily but that and the associated changes has like pretty much settled and should not be a major factor; I have been diagnosed with anxiety and are on beta blockers for it which work (yay no more daily panic attacks lol).

They are kind of fresh and on my arm and mostly the back of my hand. I need to cover them before tomorrow because I have to go to my moms friends sons football game (she lives with us) and her son is coming over after… and my moms a therapist so she will make a big deal. Please help they are cat scratches and aren’t that bad but they did leave bumps..

Also does it hurt to shower with cat scratches?

im having a hard time trying to quit when nobody around me notices/cares and i dont want to. also debating talking to my psychatrist about it but idk i dont want my mom to get involved. any feedback ?

I am a guy and I do SH, and I am on 3 different SH subs,

But I have never seen any guys do SH, neither in rl nor 3 diff subs,

So do guys do SH or I am the only guy?