r/Adulting • u/Pretend-Wallaby-9707 • 9h ago
Strange request???
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Gold_Telephone_7192 8h ago
It’s not a strange request to make of a friend or close acquaintance. It is a strange request to ask of a neighbor you don’t have conversations with. It was nice of her to still offer to do it and then you just never replied with any more follow up info. If anything, you should have included info on how to get into your place in the initial text.
It sounds like you have some irrational anxiety around house fires so I would address that. But yeah the interaction was pretty strange on your side.
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u/insidevoicepleas 4h ago
i agree with most of what you said, but putting instructions in the initial text would've put pressure on the neighbour. so it's probably for the best that wasn't done.
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u/brock0124 2h ago
I feel like if they’re close enough to have exchanged numbers at some point, they’re close enough for this request to not be strange. OP could have worded it a little better, but it’s not that bad.
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u/simpleandbeautiful 8h ago
Its strange cause you didnt even give her a way in or thank her, or check if shes available to help you 😭
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u/pucknplants 7h ago
or even overtly ask “can you go and check on my oven”. just explained their whole entire day.
OP, i have a lot of anxiety around texting & making sure my messages sound okay & you read like me when i am overthinking things (both in your message, and in over-reading into your neighbors reply). my advice is to only include necessary details & be short & concise. “hey neighbor, I’m worried I may have forgotten to turn my oven off. Can you check on it for me?” is a way better message
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u/saturday_sun4 5h ago
Yeah, exactly, no please and thank you either, and no apology for wrongly assuming the neighbour had the key/code.
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u/Grevious47 9h ago edited 9h ago
She offered to help so not sure why you are focused on her saying it was a strange request. She responded to you immediately and then you took an extra 2 hours to respond to her well past the time she had kindly offered to go to your place and check.
What I think is the most strange here is you ask your neighbor to check on a fire hazard in your apartment but with no indication how she would enter your apartment, she says okay and gives a time she will come do so and you just....don't respond.
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u/SultryDeer 7h ago
I’ll let everyone else figure out if this was strange or not, but my question is:
is there actually a fire risk of of leaving your oven on? People leave their ovens on all the time for hours and hours at a stretch, even overnight if you’re making some barbacoa… what’s the risk here? Ovens are meant to be on.
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u/ArtistWithoutArt 6h ago
Sometimes if the heat knows you're not home, it sneaks out.
(I'd like to know the real answer too)
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u/Total_Network6312 5h ago
Basically the oven could catch fire at any time. If you're home when it's on you can mitigate the damage better than if nobody is there.
Like ya the oven could run overnight but it could still catch something on fire and you'd wake up to the smoke alarm and maybe use a fire extinguisher or save your pets.
If you're gone well .
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u/ArtistWithoutArt 5h ago
Makes sense. I think also when you're cooking something overnight it's often at lower temps.
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u/OberonDiver 3h ago
If you're gone when your house burns down you won't be able to get out safely.
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u/Cloud_N0ne 4h ago
Usually no, unless something goes wrong.
For instance, our heating element suddenly failed one night while we were making dinner and nearly caused a house fire.
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u/emtrigg013 3h ago
Bingo. The only reason it didn't cause a house fire is because you were home.
A working oven poses absolutely 0 risk. The risk is an unforeseen failure occurring when nobody is around to contain it in a timely manner.
It's the same principle for a parked vehicle on a hill. The vehicle itself is not a risk, but if the parking brake fails and the wheels aren't turned appropriately, then the risk of tragedy is much greater when nobody is around versus if you're still sitting in the car.
If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, it makes the same noise as if there were.
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u/SpeakingWithStars 6h ago
If you left food in it, there’s risk. One time my spouse left a tart in there and then left the house and I came home six hours later to a smoke filled house. lol
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u/Tanjelynnb 5h ago
Like with any heating element, there is a risk of fire if something goes wrong while it's on. Furnaces are designed with safety features to run 24/7; ovens are meant for incremental use. So it's better to have supervision in the house to mitigate any problems. There's a reason people use crock pots instead of ovens for cooking when away.
Not to mention the electric or gas bill would go through the roof.
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u/khalcyon2011 4h ago
Purely anecdotal here, but when I was growing up, we had to run to the ER while my mom was preheating the oven before putting dinner in. In our rush, she forgot to turn off the oven. When we got home a few hours later, she turned off the oven and noted that the wall around the oven felt warmer than usual. Her speculation was because there was nothing inside to absorb the heat.
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u/Millennium_Xer 4h ago
I suppose there could be a risk of something catching fire that shouldn't be left roasting for hours past done.
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u/cglogan 4h ago
It should be safe, but there are a lot of things that could conceivably go wrong. Someone could’ve put something in the oven, the oven could malfunction, etc.
It’s honestly not something I would be asking a stranger to check on if I knew I was going to be back reasonably soon and I knew it was otherwise empty.
I’m not too proud to admit I have left the oven on for more than 24 hours before by mistake. It was still holding the correct temperature when I turned it off
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u/Perle1234 2h ago
I once left a gas burner lit. It was on as low as it went bc I was braising something and it was a back burner. A pan ended up on the burner in front and I just left an open flame in the kitchen 😳. Thankfully nothing happened and I was like oh damn the next day. And yeah, I left the dirty pan until morning lol.
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u/DudeByTheTree 2h ago
Set water on for tea, get distracted by the dog having to pee, realize you were making tea earlier and come back to an absolutely bone dry kettle giving off a faint glow...
Whoops.
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u/EmceeSuzy 9h ago
Yes, that was a strange request.
You do not have this sort of relationship with the neighbor. She doesn't even have a spare key.
Further, going silent once she said that (while she awaited your instructions) was very rude.
You need to apologize.
Fire is a serious thing. That is why YOU need to make sure that your oven is off.
Also, leaving the oven on is not something you want to do, but it has a very low risk of ever starting a fire.
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u/thadius856 4h ago
It's almost like it's a big metal appliance specifically designed to safely be made super hot for extended periods of time.
Unless you left food or a spatula or something in it, nothing bad is going to happen.
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u/CityCabCat 6h ago edited 5h ago
The “request” isn’t weird, but you didn’t actually make the request. you insinuated that that’s what you wanted her to do, but you didn’t actually ask her nor did you provide her way to get in the house. You also didn’t respond till hours later?!?
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u/dcp00 6h ago
Your text was a bit long and roundabout. You didn’t even ask for the favor, you just stated your thoughts and location. Maybe a more direct approach would have been better.
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u/saturday_sun4 5h ago
Also the overuse of emojis. "Hi I don't know if I left my oven on 😭"
I use plenty of emojis myself and I'm not much older than OP, but I would've been a lot more formal if it was someone I barely knew.
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u/saturday_sun4 6h ago edited 5h ago
Context matters here. The request wouldn't have been strange if your neighbour had the key/code.
But you just rudely end the conversation with "No that's alright" instead of apologising ("Oh, I'm so sorry to have bothered you! I got mixed up and thought you had my key! Appreciate your time!") Or something.
And go, "No, I didn't think it was strange," instead of explaining.
I think your neighbour should've explained as well, but I would be confused too if someone whose key I didn't have contacted me out of the blue like they knew me as if this was a regular request.
Edit: Also, this neighbour sounds like a nodding acquaintance. You don't start off with, "Hi X, sorry to bother you, I wouldn't usually just contact someone out of the blue like this, but..." and go on to explain. You just launch into a thing about the zoo as if you're picking up mid-conversation.
This isn't a legit emergency, it's your mind making you imagine things. A random neighbour you text is not going to have a clue why you are asking for the oven to be checked. You are texting them out of anxiety, which no one except your family or close friends wants to deal with.
If this is a fear for you, you need to check and double check the oven is off before leaving the house. Take a photo, if required.
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u/Organic-Ad6957 4h ago
Taking photos of things I tend to forget and get anxiety over has probably saved me from having a legitimate heart attack over the last year alone
It's irrational thoughts and I know that but looking at the picture a couple times is usually enough for me to relax about whatever I'm overthinking
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u/Ok-Relationship4113 2h ago
Agreed. OP texted the neighbour like it was a family member or something. I think the familiar and overly casual - also lacking in detail on how to accomodate -message was the odd part.
And then the late and dismissive follow up to boot.
OP has weird boundaries.
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u/UnimpressedPooglet 9h ago
I mean the request then no instructions is strange.
Your neighbor doesn’t know about your fire trauma. How did you expect them to react? Idk doesn’t seem like the question was asked in a way for her to respond. Especially with the amount of time you let pass, not really freaking you out, if you can not give instructions on how you expect them to do that?
They suppose to go start peeking in windows Lol. That’s how you get shot
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u/berlenba 6h ago
OP, you didn’t actually request anything of your neighbor. You implied, for sure, but you never actually asked her to go check on it for you either.
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u/automator3000 8h ago
It’s definitely a strange request since your neighbor seemingly doesn’t have a way to independently get into your home to check if you’ve turned off the oven.
I have a number of neighbors for whom this wouldn’t be a weird request … because we have copies of each others’ keys and have used them in the past to water plants, take care of cats, etc. It would be weird however, for me to ask other neighbors who I’m equally friendly with to go into my home to check on something, because they do not have a key and have not independently been in my home before.
Your social understanding needs some work.
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u/DecisionCharacter175 8h ago
It's strange to ask people that you been living next to but never saw fit to have a conversation with, for a favor.
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u/SnozzBerryBakeOff 5h ago
I agree. Not that it matters but if you're gonna ask a neighborly favor such as this, you have to have done more than hi and bye your neighbor. lol
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u/mrbossy 2h ago
Man people bitch about others not being friendly do to the pandemic but if you called your neighbor in the 90s or texted them in the early 2000s there would have been no hesitation. Now everyone is like "ew what why would I go into someone house randomly" yall are the reason everyone is so isolated. They are neighbors.
There is literally a phrase for this when thanking a neighbor for something "what are neighbors for"
Yall motherfuckers need to touch some grass and speak to your neighbors more often and then maybe you wont feel so isolated
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u/saturday_sun4 2h ago edited 2h ago
What weirded me out wasn't the request itself, but the total lack of a reply on OP's part when the neighbour clearly didn't have a code/key, as well as the general lack of politeness. No apology for bothering the neighbour, no follow-up to send the code/explain the access, and no appreciation for their time.
I'd think nothing of a neighbour texting me if I had their key.
And in the 90s there weren't smartphones to take photos of your stove for just this eventuality.
Edit: oh, and texting rather than calling. If you're so damned worried, pick up the phone.
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u/Additional-Walk3883 2h ago
I’m going to assume that OP took that as a strange response and the neighbor not really wanting to do it, so didn’t bother replying. Ima assuming since they responded alter and Op basically told her to fuck off and forget it lol. “That’s a strange request.” Means this isn’t normal and I shouldn’t really be doing this.” And that’s how I would take it. I’m not going to want to obviously bother them anymore with a favor (that clearly isn’t strange) that they clearly don’t want to do. I me a if they know each other enough to have their phone numbers, they can’t just check the stove? And yeah I agree with the other comments. I’m pretty asocial and at times anti social but if a neighbor asks me to do something I’m all for helping out. They are my neighbor for christs sake.
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u/saturday_sun4 1h ago edited 1h ago
Yeah I get you, that's not an ideal comment to make.
But the neighbour actually did offer to check (if she was really unwilling she could've easily said, no, she was too far away/busy) and OP didn't respond for two hours! So why bother someone else with your anxieties then?
OP also hadn't left her key with this neighbour or told her where it was, so I can understand why she thought it was a bit odd even though it's not something I would've said.
If I'd been OP, I would've at least followed up with, "Sorry if it's a hassle! Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, just wanted to make sure nothing was on fire!" or something. Or, like, "All good, I've rung someone else to sort it but thanks anyway!"
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u/HauntingSherbet7979 2h ago
People here would have an absolute meltdown if they knew I’m in a book club with 9 of my neighbors and we help each other all the time. Getting mail for them, trimming their hedges, I’ve even let them use our pool while out of town. It’s actually awesome that I have an entire street looking out for my kids and dogs, and that I can get the random cup of sugar or stick of butter if needed (which I did Christmas Eve when I burnt the rolls for dinner). It’s sad people are so deeply anti social now.
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u/After_Profession2222 2h ago
I agree. Holy fuck. I barely talk to one of my neighbours — she’s just very introverted — and I’ve still let her in to use her phone, my husband has helped her kid trim their trees etc.
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u/salaciousauburn420 2h ago
Seriously! I'm a millennial and this was exactly how it was (oh god, I'm giving boomer "back in myyyy daaayyy"). Hell, even a few years back, I was out at an event and got a notification on my phone that my garage door hadn't closed properly. The friend I happened to be chatting with right then said his mom lived only a few streets over from me and he could text her and ask her to pop over and check it for me. I had never met his mom but I said yes, please!! And she did, she got it closed and all was well and I was grateful. 😊
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u/HibiscusOnBlueWater 2h ago
I remember two neighbors having keys to our house and we had keys to a couple also just in case someone got locked out. We weren’t even super close or anything it was just what people did.
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u/GratephulD3AD 7h ago
I think it's strange that you asked your neighbor for something you deemed urgent, but then you took 3 hours to respond.
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u/regallll 8h ago
You're both being weird. Why did you need to need to address their comment and not just send them instructions? They offered to to it, but not in the exact way you wanted?
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u/Ghost_Leader177 4h ago
I don’t think they meant it in a mean way or even to call it actually strange. My parents usually add some statements that can seem mean but it’s to add to a conversation and definitely not to offend. Emotion and actual responses through text can be very difficult to read with the writers intention.
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u/BestHoCoInBelfast 7h ago
Yes thats a strange request to a person you dont know and can't get into your house
Its even stranger or simply rude to not respond to them when you need them to do something for you
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u/-imagine_that- 5h ago
it's not a strange request to me. but the way you asked was slightly indirect and incomplete, and then your response was defensive instead of building more connection. the upside down emoji, the deflection about not being a strange request - it would have been normal had you replied in a timely manner, said something like: I know, it's so random, but would appreciate you so much for this and here's how you get in.
instead you kind of just pushed back after making them wait, and let it fumble.
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u/DustyEggSauce 4h ago
Yeah her reaction is what's getting me.
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u/L0st1nspac3withp1ut0 3h ago
She probably means that she hasn’t had that sort of text before. I used to live in a house where I would have to lock the door whereas now I have a door that just auto locks when I close it…when I had a door that I had to lock I would constantly worry i hadn’t locked the door! Now I have a door that auto locks I’ve been locked out of the house around 7 times since I’ve been living here in only 2 years - I have ADHD and not everyone understands it and that’s ok!
It sounds like she was saying it in a jokey way that it’s an odd request, I think you should apologise for your blunt response and thank her for offering to pop over and that you felt a little bit judged by her wording although she may not have meant it and mention it can cause quite a bit of shame sometimes for forgetting such things.
Also don’t worry it’s not a strange request - I once went to a wedding (involved staying as a guest for the event) and had to go to work the next morning but I forgot to pack socks (i had to wear safety boots so socks where an absolute MUST and I was wearing heels the night before so had no socks on for the evening)…I text my team leader in the morning and asked him if I could borrow a pair of his socks hahhaha - some people just may not understand our directness about what we need in the moment.
I’m sorry if you felt judged or annoyed by her response but it definitely appears to have been said in jest and that you should catch up with her to chat! She sounds like a lovely neighbour that was willing to help.
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u/UP_DA_BUTTTT 2h ago
I mean the neighbor was clearly trying to be funny and agreed to help.
I can’t even asking my neighbor for a favor, them agreeing to help, ghosting them, then asking Reddit if the neighbor is weird lol
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u/Lezdoittogether 3h ago
I would have been off put by the neighbor saying “it’s a strange request”
Just doesn’t give good neighbor energy
What is so strange about asking a neighbor for a small favor?
Y’all weird man
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u/cynicalicoffee 5h ago
It might be because I'm much closer in age to the neighbor now, and can't remember how I was at 30 enough to know how I would've felt in OPs situation, but I think the response of "I didn't think it was strange - just wanted to avoid a potential fire, thank you though" is weird as hell from someone who just asked for help checking on their house.
She's allowed to think it was a strange request, and you're allowed to answer "yeah, it's a weird favor to ask, but I just can't stop thinking about it - when you can, would you mind just looking in the kitchen window real quick to see if it looks like any of the knobs are turned differently?" [or if there's a number other than the time on the screen, or if there's a light coming from the stove, or whatever else is on your oven]
Most people will just go and do a check, and then it'll be a funny story, regardless of if she ultimately needed to call the fire department or not.
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u/f1oydish 3h ago
You’re getting offended way too easily. Who cares if she said it was a strange request? Such a mild comment lmao
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u/_pale 2h ago
i can tell just off these texts you’re somebody who overthinks everything to the point that you take a lot of casual shit as a personal jab because you get insecure. 99.9% of the time it’s not as deep as you think and you need to learn to start thinking like that otherwise you’ll stress over every interaction you have and that’s exhausting for you and the people around you.
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u/NecessaryFine8989 6h ago edited 5h ago
Yeah, yta here. IMO they may have said it's a strange request because you didn't actually ask her anything after saying can you ask them a favor. You just described the situation in a passive way.
Then you ghosted her because you were 'thrown off' and assuredly petty. Hope you mend this so you have future people to ask when you forget again, since they literally offered.
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u/YouWillBeHolland 2h ago
I don't think they meant strange like "You're weird" , I think they meant "that's random!"
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u/ArtIntoArtemis 1h ago
I think you'd be better served in the future by 1) explicitly request what you want to request and explaining logistics instead of surrounding context (like instead of including the narrative about the kids and the zoo and lead up, just directly saying "Hey, I'm out and am worried I might have left my oven on. If I give you the door code/spare key location/etc would you be able to check for me?")
2) working on not taking responses that also aren't ideal personally/something to react to emotionally. The "that's a strange request" can read as blunt/rude, but at the same time it's hard to read tone and intention over text and even in person people are going to communicate differently, your neighbor didn't necessarily mean anything negative by it. eg they could have literally meant it was strange as in unusual to them (and by it I mean any part of it, maybe they thought the request itself was inherently strange, maybe they thought it was strange to them bc theyd never gotten that request before, maybe they meant it was strange bc they had no way of accessing your house, etc) and they're just someone who voices things bluntly like that, they could have meant it in a lighthearted/joking way that didn't land, etc. Or maybe they were trying to be rude. They were willing to help regardless so I think that's the more important part vs their maybe (pun intended) strange response.
If you're close enough and want to clear the air you could directly bring up how their response felt to you sometime, but overall I feel like it's minor enough that I'd probably just let it slide bc like, whatever, the situation was still going to be addressed even if that part of their text rubbed you the wrong way and the fire issue is way more important.
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u/3skin3 1h ago
Yes, it is a strange request. When was the last time your neighbor asked you to check if their oven is on?
I'd certainly do it if my neighbor asked me to but boy would I be uncomfortable walking into your home when you're not there unless you're super close. That's alright though - sometimes you have to be uncomfortable in life. A strange request doesn't mean bad or wrong, it is an unusual request.
The negative part was asking them to do it with no instructions, then not replying for so long while they're sitting there wondering if your house is about to burn down, feeling like they have to babysit their phone waiting for your reply because now they're responsible for your home not burning down-cant leave, take a nap, start anything involved because you don't want to miss the instructions.
If you'd like to make a strange request, or any request, try to make it more convenient for the person you're asking. Then the "nevermind" is like "eh it wasn't that important anyway" so they were just sitting around waiting for something that wasn't that important to you. And the upside down emoji came off rude, whether it was supposed to or not.
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u/Own-Suit-5972 9h ago
Yeah I would say that’s a strange response to a normal request lol
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u/UnimpressedPooglet 9h ago
Na but more clarification was needed? Asking a question and a person saying yes they would do it. Whether they thought it was strange or not. Should have some form of response and not ghosting.
This is why I hate trying to explain feelings over text. They said yes and OP decided to read between the lines and form her own idea of it being unkindly/bothered.
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u/bee102019 8h ago
She never even clarified what the "favor" was exactly? What did she want the neighbor acquaintance to DO? Let herself in and check that the oven was off? Pop her head out the window and be like "well, your house doesn't appear to be smoking and there's no fire trucks?" Like, what? Do you need a key or code to get in? Just, details?
I don't think the strange part is the fear that we left someone on at home. I think we all have had that intrusive thought/feeling. Its that you've given me no direction as to what you want me to do about it exactly. The lack of response afterward just makes it worse, honestly.
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u/Own-Suit-5972 9h ago
True. It’s all not that deep though just saw the screenshot and typed what first came to my mind
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u/Grammatical_Aneurysm 8h ago
It's a strange request. But like there's nothing wrong with things being strange. It's like saying "I was not expecting to get that kind of request from you today." But maybe I've said "would it be weird to ask if-" and gotten "yes but also I don't mind" as a response too many times, because your big old The Sims minus minus over her reaction is the only problem here.
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u/Business_Coyote_5496 9h ago
It's weird you didn't respond to her immediately.
Do you have OCD? That would be my first thought if a neighbor wrote me that.
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u/IFartOnCats4Fun 8h ago
As someone who left the house with the stove on and burned down the house, it never hurts to ask.
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u/plant-feeder 5h ago
Yeah, I feel like if anything felt off, the cause is on you OP. No offense but everyone is telling you opportunities to reflect on your mindset and you’re not listening. Plus, at thirty you should either have the mental mechanisms in place to remember to turn off the stove or the fortitude to handle someone finding that lapse peculiar.
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u/worldrallyblue 4h ago
This is a phone call situation. It's weird that you would text and then not reply for hours
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u/Ok-Raccoon-1626 3h ago
I’ve never had someone I barely know ask me that question. Your neighbor probably didn’t mean anything other than it’s not something she expected. Your defensiveness and then coming here to have people tell you how bad of a neighbor you have, that is strange.
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u/Master-Topic-2989 3h ago edited 3h ago
Asking someone who you only exchange pleasantries with to go inside your home is honestly not that smart for either person. You are not in each other lives other than randomly being neighbors. (Idk why you’d have each other’s numbers either) Surely there was someone who you are closer with and that would be a better option.
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u/Sad_Tower51 2h ago
You ghosting her for 3 hours after she said she’d check is what’s strange.
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u/PumpkinGloomy8912 5h ago
Youre behaving much stranger here than she is. Why ask and then say no when she offered to go? Also, your response after her reply is borderline rude.
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u/n7-eleven 2h ago
I guess I’m in the minority here but it seemed perfectly normal to me. I’d be happy to help a neighbor out in a moment like that. I probably would have replied, “Of course! Just let me know how to get in!”
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u/handsomeprincess 1h ago
I’m OP’s age and barely know anyone on my street despite living here the better part of a decade. I am definitely not super community oriented. But out of the handful of neighbors I’ve talked to enough that they have my number? I would not mind helping with this at all. I live in a pretty nice neighborhood I guess? These responses are absolutely baffling to me.
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u/Sen_Clint_Webb 1h ago
If elected president, I will pass a law that any commenter in this thread who thinks the request is out of pocket may never again complain about how nobody helps them.
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u/henicorina 2h ago
That wouldn’t be strange if you knew each other - but it sounds like you really don’t.
It was also really odd that you waited most of a day to respond again when she said she would help you.
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u/Witty_Value 2h ago
It’s all weird without context. If my neighbor asked me to do this and I were home I would go over real quick and check. Because they would do the same for me if I had a similar situation. You have to bank up these types of requests.
This feels like yall are not familiar enough here
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u/-2wenty7even- 2h ago
Umm yeah the response was weird, but so was you posting this on Reddit for validation.
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u/ememoharepeegee 2h ago
You're the weird one here.
If your neighbor is *50*, she's not going to text like you. A middle aged woman saying what she said might be doing so in a totally unjudgemental way. It *is* unusual. How many people do you think get asked by their neighbor even once in their lifetime to go check their oven?
Your response is weirdly defensive and awkward. She just seems like she texts like someone not especially young or "text-y".
You also left her on read for ages. If you responded with something like "I know, sorry! The key is under my shoes, no rush, just let me know when you get a chance. Thank you so much. :)" was a much more normal response.
How the fuck does she get into your apartment?
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u/Current_Change3315 2h ago
Their response isn’t ideal, buuuut I do think it’s a little worse to have left them without any acknowledgement or instructions for a full two hours after they said they could check since they did agree to help
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u/Amazing_Divide1214 1h ago
Seems kinda weird to me. You want me to go into your house and check your oven? Did you also forget to lock the door so i can get in? Why am I keeping up with your house? Idk, depends how close you are I guess.
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u/Admirable-Clothes-87 1h ago
If she doesn't have access to your house how is she to check on your cooker? Wait until she sees smoke coming from your windows? Besides modern cookers can stay on all day at the set temperature without issue. It would just boost your gas/electric bill!
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u/CleopatraCeline 1h ago
You never actually asked her to go check. The way you worded this is coming across very casual and entitled like she's supposed to jump in and say omg would you like me to go over and check?? That's how you text your mom or friend, not an acquaintance. I think if you had said something like "I normally wouldn't ask something like this but if you're home and I let you know where my spare key is would you mind checking very quickly?" you would have gotten a better reaction from her.
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u/Available_Repair609 2h ago
My neighbor asked me to check on his wife while he was away, I never spoke with him once in 10 years other than to exchange numbers if we ever needed anything’s. I replied with “lol sure, anything I should look for?” And he said no, just see how she’s doing and see if she needs help with anything.
Well, she did need help, unfortunately she needed it 3 days prior to him asking me to check on her. I will no longer go into someone’s home without an in person invitation.
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u/Practical-Isopod5228 1h ago
That's an awful experience but wouldn't it be more the reason to check up on people regularly? I can't even imagine walking in to such a scene though
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u/BangtanBoiOfficialIG 1h ago
So the person who reached out to you because he was worried, actually had a reason to worry and for that you won’t help anyone anymore?
If she was alive and well, would you have continued to help your elderly neighbors? Or because she died that’s out the window?6
u/Ok_Listen7910 1h ago
If you haven’t heard from your elderly significant other in 3 days, it’s better for everyone to have emergency services do the wellness check. No reason to traumatize your neighbor for it.
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u/Available_Repair609 1h ago edited 1h ago
I see what you’re saying but she wasn’t elderly and it wasn’t out of the blue for them to not communicate often (this detail came from the officer on scene) he was more so asking as a friendly gesture to let her knew that someone was there if she needed anything while he was away.
Edit: I just realized I didn’t answer the question only gave more back story. Yes if she was alive and well I would absolutely continue on, but when you’re not expecting it and you walk in on an early 50 year old laying in a pool of blood when you just going to say “Hi” but if I’m being honest, I would probably still check on someone if asked, because that’s the type of person I am, but I wouldn’t be thrilled to do it by any means.
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u/Evening_Jury8686 1h ago
Yes but literally this husband could have called police for a welfare check so she wouldn't have had to be traumatized.
He hadn't heard from his wife in 3 days and sent the neighbor in? There's a lot to unpack there.→ More replies (11)6
u/Just_Steve88 1h ago
Is there really a lot to unpack there, though? It doesn't actually seem unreasonable to me to ask someone I know to go check on someone else we both know if I haven't heard from them.
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u/Caughtinclay 9h ago
Did the house burn down?
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u/Grevious47 7h ago edited 6h ago
That would actually be rather amusing if OPs house had burned down as a result, but this is what they got hung up on.
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u/CantankerousBeefcube 9h ago
If I text this to my neighbor they would have just asked if the door was unlocked so they could go do it
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u/Business-Title8503 7h ago
And you absolutely know if the house had burned down, somehow OP would have blamed the neighbor for being too “mean” that she couldn’t properly respond to her in time. Strange request to text a stranger asking them to find a way into your locked home and then be offended that the stranger didn’t react the right way.
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u/WauwineToab 5h ago
Yea it's a byproduct of individualism I think. No one thinks neighbors should do things for each other anymore just for the sake of being neighbors and there's very little inherent trust in other humans in the community.
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u/cyffermoon 5h ago
I have had this experience, where someone asks you for help and you respond and they ghost you. You didn’t ask but YTA.
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u/LinkBeginning4819 4h ago
I mean it is a strange request and she agreed to do it I don't see the issue
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u/Aggravating_Ad577 4h ago
I think just owning it would be the move there. It is a strange request but a fair one. When she said it was strange just own it and say I know but I would be grateful if you could do this.
Some battles are not won be being right. Just by getting the objective done.
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u/-justalittlechaos 4h ago
I think you could work on your communication and perception… she’s allowed to think it’s strange while also being willing to help, the over-explaining and then the sudden rejection of her help is so weird on your part.
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u/leakleaf 4h ago
The length of time you took to respond is the biggest piece to me - she said okay, then you left her hanging for 3 hours.
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u/Heywtfhey 2h ago
I feel like you made it awkward. She just meant it was unusual I think, which it is. I haven't had a neighbour ask me to that but I wouldn't mind doing it.
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u/Averagebaddad 2h ago
I've never been requested to do something like that. It's far stranger to not follow up on it though and just leave them hanging for a few hours
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u/Few_Improvement_6357 2h ago
I guess it would be a fine request if I had been in your house before. But you should get one of those ovens that you can set a cooking timer on that turns off automatically. It's my favorite.
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u/Competitive-Mix8680 2h ago
I think it’s strange that you think an appliance that’s built specifically to stay at high temperatures for long times would catch on fire because it was doing what it was specifically designed to do.
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u/Sea_Situation9852 2h ago
She could’ve meant strange as in out of the blue, but ultimately even if she did just say it was a strange request that’s honestly not as rude as you were back. Very unnecessarily passive aggressive to ignore for hours and the upside down smiley emoji, completely not proportional to her saying your ask was strange especially since she did agree to help you out anyway. I wouldn’t talk to people I live next to like that
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u/BroadSale3490 2h ago
People don't text the same. Some people text their thoughts right away and don't edit things. She's in her 40s-50s.
Her punctuation probably threw you off as well. To her, it was a strange request and she notified you she was available to check. Then, you didn't respond. Strange response. She doesn't know your history with neighbourhood fires. You also don't know if she rushed home. You also don't know if she felt unsafe about the request. So yes OP, this whole interaction with you probably makes her think... wow my neighbour is strange...
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u/trulybeelightful 2h ago
You didn't even ask, you dry begged and then got rude as hell.
OCD is a bitch, but we've gotta do what we can to manage it. If you were genuinely worried about the house burning down, you would have come back from the zoo.
Next time you have a request, MAKE THE REQUEST and then be grateful if someone is willing to help (like your neighbor was here!)
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u/Crazy-War9823 1h ago
It was strange, but she agreed anyway.
Then you just dropped it, leaving her hanging. That was hella rude.
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u/Due-Anything 1h ago
For someone you hadn’t really spoken to it’s probably a surprising request normally handled by friends or family. Then you ghosted them after they replied saying they would help. OP is the weird one here.
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u/spikelvr75 1h ago
You're the awkward one in this conversation. Asking her to do this is fine, but taking "that's a strange request" so personally, not responding for three hours, and then refusing the help you asked for after she told you in her initial response that she would do it and offered again in her second text, is all super strange to me. You made it weird, not by asking her to check, but for how you handled everything after that.
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u/mketx777 1h ago
Not at all the strange request. However, you didn’t ACTUALLY make a request. You just stated what the issue was and seemingly expected them to jump to offer to go and check on it instead of asking. That probably would be fine if it was someone who is a good friend or family, but this person isn’t and you just expected them to know exactly what you mean and jump on it. And then God kind of pissy with them when they didn’t do that right away.
If you would simply said hey, sorry to bother you. Here’s what happened. Is there anyway you could please check on my house? This would’ve probably been a totally different conversation.
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u/Best_Fisherman824 1h ago edited 6m ago
they were ready to help, just caught off guard. you took it too personally
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u/foxjoe268 1h ago
What I’m seeing in the all messages exchanged is a breakdown in communication. The original doesn’t explicitly make a request - e.g. “can I ask you to go into my house to check, please?”
Then, the neighbor doesn’t ask “how do I get in?”, they just later say “I was waiting…”.
Do people just not know how to communicate anymore?
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u/Below-avg-chef 1h ago
1)its not a strange request. If I have somebody's phone number, even if I don't use it frequently, this is a prime example of an appropriate emergency use. Assuming the hoses are close, a house fire next door could spread to my property and I would want the chance to help avoid that if possible.
2)you never really asked, so when they tried confirming what you wanted and you ghosted them..that was weird. You got embarrassed they called your request strange and decided youd rather risk a fire than be embarrassed any further. Even if they were initially uneased by your request they were willing to go do it.. you should have taken them up on it at that time.
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u/OyG5xOxGNK 1h ago
You are reeeeally overthinking the words "strange request"
They thought it was an oddity, not that it was impossible or you had a hidden agenda.
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u/Kahziel 1h ago
This is 100% a strange request in the sense that its unusual/uncommon. That's the actual definition of strange. Considering YOU'VE probably never had a neighbor you barely know ask you to walk into their home while no one's there. Regardless of the reason. That means you would find the request strange too, by literal definition. I personally wouldnt feel comfortable walking in someone's house alone knowing they could turn around and use that as an opportunity to accuse me of stealing or something worse.
I guess you found it offensive that she'd find it strange of you to ask that of her specifically but that's more of a you problem than anyone else. Whether she finds it strange or not, you needed your oven checked, right?
The funny thing is. You're not the first person in the world to think they may have left their oven on. But I will say, you are in a minority of people who would ask a neighbor they barely know to go into their home to find out.
Most people just accepted the possibility and quelled their anxiety the best they could. Or they just went home because a zoo visit wasn't worth their house burning down. The fact that you didnt ultimately have her check for you tells me you did the former. Which you could have done from the start like most normal people would have done. Thus making your request quite literally strange...
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u/LucyPrisms 1h ago
Yes this is weird. You asked a virtual stranger to go into your house then didn't respond back to them for hours about it. Obviously you aren't that terrified of the house burning down.
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u/Standard__Condition 59m ago
You said you barely talk to her, so yes it’s strange to ask her to go into your home while you’re not there. I don’t think she was unpleasant about it, but now you’ve made it even more awkward by creating tension.
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u/ElectronicAirline855 49m ago
Once I went on a business trip and I somehow managed to leave my patio door open (I must have been hot running around packing and opened it, just before I left for the airport). Second story balcony, no access from ground or neighboring balconies.
So two days later my landlord calls me and tells me it’s not wise to leave my patio door open for days (thanks) and can I please get someone to close it. So I call my ‘best friend’ who lives ten minutes away and has a key to my place, and apologize soooo much ask if she can please go over and close it , and also I am so sorry.
She’s like ‘why did you leave it open?’ Ok it was an accident.
‘Well where is your cat?’ I moved my cat to Canada with my boyfriend 4 months ago can you please go close my patio door?
Five hours later she texts and asks if I still need her to go. Ten hours later she gets her parents to go, who are on their way home from a two hour trip out of town - and her dad FINALLY closes my door.
It was the weirdest, most judgey and stressful shit show, over something that should have been so simple - and she is not my friend any longer.
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u/Hurricane0 33m ago
Girl what?? YES it's a strange request. I assumed that you were texting like your roommate or best friend, but given the context of a neighbor that you barely speak to? And then you go silent and don't even tell them how to get in or provide any follow up whatsoever? This is downright bizzare behavior from you. I can't get over you posting this thinking your neighbor was the weird one. Your poor neighbor must be so confused and weirded out.
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u/bluedelvian 7h ago
That's right, burn a neighbor bridge and lose a potential future oven-on checker bc you didn't like the way the person you don't really know responded to your urgent request.
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u/ruserwilly 7h ago
I think it’s not a strange request, but it’s definitely strangely worded;
My response would probably be:
“What do you want me to do about it”
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum 7h ago
Does she live alone? As a single woman, this would kinda set off alarms in my head if I don’t know you that well. No stranger, I don’t want to go into your house. Next time double check the oven.
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u/serotonin-404 5h ago
You haven't had much interaction with this neighbor which makes me feel like you're just a step above strangers. If my neighbor asked me to enter their home without me ever being in their house or interacting much with them, id feel strange about it too. But I'd still gladly do it. It's just, I'd wonder why you're asking me instead of someone you know better. That's a high level if trust.
I really don't believe your neighbor was intentionally being insulting by stating it's a strange request. I'd probably respond the same, but not meaning anything rude by it.
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u/Plushy_Plushie7 5h ago
Does she also speak another language? Maybe they used strange but meant something else.
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u/meltedbananas 4h ago
It wasn't a bad request, your neighbor just thought it was odd for some reason. I wouldn't look into it too much, but I would recommend getting to know your neighbors better so it's less awkward to ask small favors.
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u/_TheCakeWasALie_ 4h ago
Personally I don’t think it’s a strange request even for an acquaintance level neighbor. I’d see it as a potential emergency and would probably be like “oh my gosh girl yes I’ll run over!” But I’d also prefer to FaceTime them while I was getting into their house and while I was in it until I left because I would never want them to think I messed with anything or snooped. I’m big on privacy so I would want them “there” with me while I was in their home. To me not a weird request at all.
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u/MushroomLover32167 3h ago
No I understand your concern. I would do that to even a stranger if I've been asked because I don't want anyone's home or building catching fire or something happening. I feel people need to help others out more often these days more than ever because we are too distant from one another.
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u/commonsenseithink 3h ago
lmao people in here pretending like this isn't "strange". Of course it's strange. How many of you have gotten a text like this from a neighbor
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u/nexustab 3h ago edited 2h ago
Strange might've be just a poor choice of words. Unexpected or unusual is maybe more what they meant. Still texting a neighbor about an emergency and then ghosting them for hours is poor adulting regardless of how you took their response.
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u/StartWearingPoiple 3h ago
OP you seem like the kind of person who expects everyone to respond with your same level of energy / enthusiasm / friendliness / whatever you want to call it. Then when they don't respond how you want them to, you become dismissive. You may not realize this, but its your behavior thats rude here, not anyone else's. I don't want to accuse you of being entitled but that is the energy coming off. I suspect this is something you don't realize about yourself
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u/Western_Handle_6258 3h ago
I think it’s more of the assumption that they were home. Starting out a conversation the way you did would be for a spouse.
“Hey are you home? I think I left the over on. Are you able to check?” Simple straightforward to the point
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u/iscaredyouninnypoo 2h ago
Op I don’t know if this kind of comment is allowed but reading your post and comments remind me a lot of myself when I’m in an ocd loop. I’m not diagnosing you but this kind of interaction happened often with me before I was diagnosed and started erp therapy!
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u/SeagullKnievel 2h ago
So, as someone who also has anxiety around fire, I think you need some systems for yourself to help you deal with it. It's not inherently strange to ask someone close to you to make sure you turned the oven off, but getting to a point where you feel the need to text someone you say you barely talk to in order to not continue worrying about sounds like an anxious thoughts problem to me. Go through the logic a little. Have you left the oven on before? Does it happen often? And while you obviously don't want to make a practice of it, the oven is probably one of the safest appliances you could accidentally leave on. The flames are contained, and it's typically OK to leave them on for long periods of time because some things need to be cooked for long periods of time. For me, thinking those anxious thoughts through really thoroughly would have stopped me from texting someone I don't really have a relationship with to validate them for me.
There are other tricks you can use, like taking photos of unplugged/powered-down appliances in case you second guess yourself later on. I ultimately think this is a case where you rationalized the idea it wasn't a strange request on paper and then asked someone you simply don't have that kind of relationship with.
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u/tdawg2k7 2h ago
Yeah that’s a strange request. Not because it’s strange to want to avoid a fire, but strange in that it’s not a request regularly asked by people. Also strange receiving a request to go inside a neighbor’s home who you aren’t close with at all. You made it weird by how you responded.
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u/Froggy_Style_Nice 2h ago
People seem to be overlooking the fact they don’t know how to get in her house. So yes that is a strange request since they’ve never been in there by themselves
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u/JoeDaBruh 2h ago
I mean, that is a strange request in the sense that it’s unusual. Maybe she didn’t mean anything mean by it, but I wouldn’t normally ask my neighbor to enter my house just to check if my oven was off. Almost sounds like a setup using an excuse to lure someone into your place for whatever reason, but it depends on your relationship with them I guess
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u/No_Huckleberry85 2h ago
As someone who is trying to heal my instinct to question and overthink people's intentions, I'd suggest you're giving this too much space in your brain. Perhaps your neighbour just has never had somethng like that happen to them and therefore it did seem strange to them. She agreed to look when she got home and you didn't reply for hours so I think it's more you acting weird than them in this instance.
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u/DownwardSpiralHam 2h ago
I mean, you said you had to ask her a favor and then didn’t even ask it lol. You also gave zero indication on how she would get into the house after not even being clear on what you were asking for, and waited hours to answer her.
It feels rude from your end and standoffish on hers, and I can see why she’s standoffish tbh.
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u/Commercial-Log-1503 2h ago
There is an issue with the actual request in my opinion. I understand it’s implied, but usually a request would be like “WOULD you mind going…” and not “I’m almost certain I did but WOULDNT be able to relax…” it’s a very awkwardly put request . I think the actual request could have been worded better and not the concern.
It’s like how my teacher taught me “May I use the bathroom” instead of “can I use the bathroom”
Are you asking me if I will let you do something, or are you asking me if you’re capable of doing something.
I also wouldn’t stress it too much because as humans we do overthink a lot of things
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u/therealbananabottom 2h ago
Yes, it is odd to ask a neighbor you are not close with to go into your house and check if your oven is on. It is far more odd to get so offended/off-put by a relatively neutral response. It is also odd for you to have this life-long fear of burning your house down and not be 100% sure you turned the oven off. There are many compensatory ways to help with intrusive thoughts (I had a bf who took a picture of his stove every day he left the house to make sure it was off, then deleted it when he got home. You can set a timer or webcam to your oven, you can have a checklist before you head out the door, etc). Chill out about the neighbor.
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u/Fun-Contribution1894 2h ago
The only strange thing here is you, why would you ask her for a favour that she accepted and even gave you a time for…just for you to respond hours after she said she’d be able to do it. That’s pretty rude
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u/One-Leadership-12 2h ago
It's not a strange request but your neighbor might be feeling awkward / like you're not close enough to make a request like that. So it's strange to HER. You shouldn't feel bad because in these situations where fire could potentially be involved, you check yourself and put your insecurities aside. But some people can't separate general social mores from personal feelings.
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u/DreadlyKnight 2h ago
This post is whats strange. If she has no way of getting into your house yeah it's a very strange request. Not responding for so long is also strange seems like you didn't care much
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u/ionmoon 1h ago
Yes. It is an odd request of someone you don’t have interactions with regularly.
Your anxiety over your neighbors fire is due to a traumatic experience and is your issue to deal with.
You also asked in the morning without telling her how to access the house… then didn’t respond until hours later in the afternoon.
I’d be weirded out by this as well.
It would be different if you two were friends and she’d been to your house and some level of trust had been developed between you already. Buts she’s basically a stranger.
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u/2-Dog-Minimum 1h ago
I’ve had neighbors for 45 years and none of them have ever asked me to go in their house when they’re not home, nor have I asked them to do so. So if I got a text like that I would also think it was strange.
Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do the favor if asked. But I’d probably also talk some shit to my husband about how the neighbor needs to take her anxiety meds.
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u/yah_found_me 1h ago
Your reaponse to them is whats strange.
Its a random request, they just said it was strange but then shared with you when they would be able to help.
You seemed to have gotten offended by the fact they said "strange" and then pulled back the request.
I think the most appropriate reaponse from you wouldve been "Thank you, I'd appreciate it. Here are details on how to get in."
And then sometime tell them about why you were concerned since you saw a neighbor's house burn.
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u/Special_South_8561 1h ago
Y'all need to make a checklist if you're forgetting to turn the oven off.
Also... It's not going to do anything if you leave it on all day
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u/Reasonable-Fall-9872 1h ago
You texted at 10:20am and she responded right away and it took you 3 hours to answer her and yes that was a strange request.
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u/cleverfeather1992 1h ago
Maybe she was wording it nicely that you didn’t even actually ask/request anything. You told her you wanted something done. Like how a mom says “that’s a weird way of asking” when a kid says “I want that snack”.
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u/Ok-Conflict3958 1h ago
I think it’s a strange request. Not because of what’s needed but the way it’s asked.
If this was my situation I’d say “hey, we are out of town and I think I left the oven on. Here’s the spare key. Would you mind going over to check it for me? I would sure appreciate it for the peace of mind.”
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u/TiltingAtClouds 1h ago
Did you want her to break into your house to turn the oven off or just look out the window to see if it was on fire/call 911?
If she's nice, you might let her know about you watching your neighbors house burn down on Thanksgiving.
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u/Personal-Fact7067 1h ago
It wasn’t really a strange request, and even though your neighbor seemed to think so, at 10:20 she offered to go and check at 11:30. Why’d you leave her hanging for a response for 3 hours?
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u/Vienta1988 1h ago
If I know you well enough that you have my number to text me, then I don’t think it’s a weird thing to ask, and I’d be happy to help.
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u/throwitawayuserna213 1h ago
I'm going to say yes, it is a very strange request, especially since this doesn't seem to be a roommate who can even get into the house nor would be planning to go.
However, the green bubbles would be from the poster, so this post seems backwards. All that said, someone requesting another who doesn't live at the residence to check an oven is extremely bizarre. I would steer clear of them in the future.
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u/birdsofvengence 1h ago
It's strange because you're asking her to go into your home when you've never even had much of a conversation with her. She doesn't know you that well. I would find this weird too.
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u/ClaraCreative8 1h ago
I don’t think this is a strange request at ALL, and I would absolutely hope my neighbours would be stoked to come into my house for with something like that. (Sign of a strong & friendly community / neighbourhood!) Howeverrrrrr I do think OP took WAY too long to text her back and made the situation unnecessarily awkward.
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u/Next-Vegetable9308 1h ago
I would absolutely check on my neighbor’s house. I’d go inside and check the oven if they wanted me to. I’m not particularly close with my neighbors, but we watch out for one another. I guess it depends on your relationship! I don’t find it odd though. It’s in everyone’s best interest that the house does not burn down lol
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u/ThelIIusion0fSeIf 1h ago
Honestly, I don't see a problem with this. I'm cordial with some of my neighbors to the point where I know who they are but we never hang out. If they asked me this favor I'd be more than happy to help if I'm home anyways. I definitely wouldn't leave work or break plans but it seems like a very low effort way to put someone's mind at ease.
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u/RedPander89 1h ago
What seems strange to me is the inability of your neighbor (and people in general) to listen without judgement.
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u/Chrispeefeart 9h ago
I think it's far stranger that you'd ask her that and then not reply to her for so long. It is kind of a strange request to ask her to check something inside your home if she has no way of getting into your home. Has she even been inside your home before? What level of familiarity is there between you?