I think it's far stranger that you'd ask her that and then not reply to her for so long. It is kind of a strange request to ask her to check something inside your home if she has no way of getting into your home. Has she even been inside your home before? What level of familiarity is there between you?
I’ve had two different scenarios where I met some nice neighbors. I’m friendly with them. They go out of town.
Oh - you need me to get some packages and put them on your doorstep from the apartment entrance - sure. Wait - it’s your wedding and all your gifts are arriving while you’re gone, and I ended up moving 20 PACKAGES.
Second person - oh you got two packages, can I move it in your garage - sure. Oh good - your two packages are a giant mattress and a huge bed frame. They weight like 100-200 lbs each. Oh - more furniture is coming. I’ve learned my lesson on this one. I’m so busy that day - oh nooo.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?! It’s so friggin rude. Why would you ask someone you barely know to do this level of stuff. We live in an society of rules and order - jesus christ.
No I'm keeping it 💯 with you. Im really that neighbor that'll pick up the defined 20 packages while youre on your honeymoon, or grab another neighbor to move your new mattresses into the garage til you get home. Why? Its something I've grown up seeing happen all my life. Its been done for me. Ive done it for others. It makes life so much smoother and tolerable. What else would I be doing, taking 5 or 10 minutes from couch time? Maybe it helps I'm a busy, go, go, go type person. Its a great feeling to know someone has your back and its an even better feeling to know someone trusts you enough to have theirs in return. I dont live in a rough area. Actually our home is in the Frontier neighborhood of Erie, Pa. Maybe thats the difference maker. But the lads post, idk just, spelled lazy to me. Thats my view though. I get not everyone can take the time to do this for others and thats a whole different subject. But if you can help, why wouldn't you? I strive to be a better person today then I was yesterday, everyday. Im far from perfect and I mess that all up frequently. This sure isn't the 90's I remember as a teen. Growing up in suburbs of Portland, Oregon like Wilsonville, Lake Oswego, Beaverton, and such I always saw someone helping another person. It was contagious. Its a sad day in age to embrace such a grim view that helping a neighbor is too much to ask.
I fully agree with the time component—that it’s nice if you’re able to take 5-10 minutes to help a neighbor. Where it crosses the line is if I’m asked to lift something huge and heavy. I’m a tiny person, and I’m not risking injury for anyone! 😭
I was so thrown off by her telling me my request was weird lol I was like screw it, I’ll just ask someone else haha
I didn’t know how to respond to that. If she had said something more kind or seemed unbothered by my question, I was going to let her know how to get in.
You didn’t address either of the above person’s questions. I think this would be a strange request to make of someone who hasn’t been in your apartment alone before and/or doesn’t know how to gain access.
Edit: reread your post. Not sure if you added the context or we both missed it, but yeah this is a strange request to make of someone you barely know.
The context was there from the beginning. My questions were intended to be more rhetorical to highlight that she was asking a nearly complete stranger to do something in her home and then got offended that said stranger found that to be a weird thing to ask a stranger.
Yeah, and like you already said to her, it's perfectly fine to be that way but doesn't obligate the same from others. It's weird of her to take offense to it being unusual.
When someone asks me for help, my first response isn’t “well that’s strange”, I just ask how I can help. Her saying my request was weird threw me off. It made me feel bad for asking. But I acknowledge that was my own feelings causing me to add to her message in a way she probably didn’t intend.
I’m glad you recognize that because you ultimately made it a weirder and more inconvenient experience for your neighbor by being offended by that response…
I've had problems in the past with apartment maintenance personnel unlocking and entering my apartment without announcing themselves -- while I was in the apartment. For that reason, I am horribly uncomfortable with strangers in my living space AND with being in someone else's living space without knowing them well. Your neighbor may have made the strange comment off similar past experiences, just like you worried about the stove based on your own past experiences
That being said, unless you follow up on this with like. Bringing over cookies or just a brief apology or something, that's probably going to make any future interactions continue to be weird
I had the same thing happen at an apartment complex years ago, and my cat got out because he was an escape artist. Luckily I got him back but to say the maintenance man got an earful is an understatement. I had to contact the apartment complex manager and explain tenant's rights to her very thoroughly and angrily.
Still makes my blood boil. I can only imagine if I was a single woman with a strange man entering my home without notice or announcing his presence. What is wrong with people? It's unsafe for them too. That's the kind of shit that gets people shot as an intruder.
You never actually asked for help. You implied it, but you didn’t say it. What might have gone over better was something like, “Are you home?” Second message: “Is there any way you could run in my house and check if the oven is off please? The hide a key is in the front bush.”
Sometimes I really don't like reddit, and this is one of those times. There's a mob mentality here and that's the only reason OP's being downvoted. OP hasn't said anything worth downvoting. Nothing offensive, all logical.
Now just picture if the neighbor had posted "AITA for not checking on my neighbor's oven?" I can pretty much guarantee people would say YTA, why can't you just help your neighbor out?
People enjoy being keyboard warriors and nitpicking other people's behaviors.
I’m really not sure why some people here are having such a hard time understanding your point of view.
While I do agree it can be perceived as a “strange” request of a relative stranger, not everyone would have that perception immediately, myself included. You gave a very detailed explanation as to what and why you were requesting. I barely know my neighbour, but if he sent me a text like yours I truly don’t think I’d see it as strange.
I wouldn’t think too deeply into it, you just read the interactions with your neighbour differently than they did. I personally suffer from wanting to be everyone’s friend and it often results in something like what’s happened here.
But they are super tasty neighbor. I should let you know the light is out in the basement I haven't gotten around to replacing it. Its fine though...just feel around and walk forward...you'll find it. Don't mind any creaking noises or shallow breathing sounds.
If one of my neighbors sent that request to me and didn’t specify HOW…. I would simply say “no problem, I’d be happy to check for you. How would you like me to get inside?” It’s really not that difficult lol
Just because you would do something for someone else doesn’t obligate them to return the favor. Ultimately, the neighbor did say they could and would do it and you were more put out by them feeling it was strange to ask them that than you were afraid your house would burn down.
You decided to hash this out with total strangers on the internet, who mostly don’t seem to agree with your outrage, when you really should just communicate with your neighbor. Nothing any of us say is gonna change how your neighbor feels about you and your request.
100% this. If I was worried my house may burn down, "this is a weird request" would be met immediately with "yeah, absolutely, and I'm so sorry but I'm worried. The key is under my 'home is where the hearts I've torn from my enemies are' doormat. Thank you so much in advance."
Well to be fair I don’t think OP or anyone else mentioned anything about being obligated to. I’m not sure why that’s such a common response - none of us are obligated to really do anything but we still do things to just help one another out as human beings. I do agree with you on the rest though that OP was too focused on the response and that they should just communicate with her neighbour.
“How would you like me to get inside” is a whole other aspect of this btw, how did you intend for her to get in? Based on your willingness to enter strangers homes, maybe a key under your doormat?
If you're an adult, you seriously need to get a grip on reality and figure out how to function and interact with people in the real world. It's bizarre how derailed you became when your neighbor didn't respond with the exact script you wouldve said.
People are all unique individuals, no one is a mind reader, and it is unlikely that anyone will ever say anything in the exact perfect way you are envisioning in your head. Who cares how YOU would've responded?
If we were reading this post from your neighbor, she would likely say "why did she phrase the request like that and didn't even tell me how to enter? If I was requesting a favor in the middle of the day like this I would've phrased it like blah blah blah"
Can you understand that you are not the center of the universe and therefore most people will not respond with the script you've mentally assigned them?
Idk why everyone is freaking out. Maybe it depends where you live but where I'm from this would be unexpected maybe but not "a strange request" by any means. We are close with one set of neighbours and not so much the others, if any of them text me this I might think it was a bit odd they'd contacted me and not someone they know better to enter their home, however I wouldn't reply so standoffish and would be happy to help
The woman literally gave her a time frame. She was entirely willing. Saying "this is a strange request" when she's never even been in the house is not even vaguely standoffish; it's a genuine description of the request.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted like this. It was a perfectly fine question to ask, the neighbours’ response was rude .. but yeah, u shoulda got back them as said “Not to worry. Sorry to bother u!” or something .. then it’s over with
This is legit such a crazy post (the comments and downvotes, not your actual post) lmao. Maybe it’s where I live but I have absolutely asked something similar of this to a neighbor who I have a mild acquaintance with and she was more than happy to help. I have also done this for neighbors! This is not weird at all and I would have absolutely been thrown off by her response as well. 🤷🏻♀️
To be clear at least in my case it isnt the request that I found strange...its the overreaction to wording in the neighbors response, the decision to not take the neighbor up on her offer of helping due to wording and the decision to post the exchange online rather than just talk to her neighbor about it.
OP defining the neighbour's and their own relationship as "neighbourly". Ultimately, it's an umbrella term, therefore you can't bet 100% that your individual neighbourly is the same as someone else's neighbourly. Relationships may or may not have familiar themes but in the end we're all individuals so of course the feedback differs. OP's view of their neighbour just happened to be different than what that neighbour may or may not feel, which brings me to:
IMO, "what a strange request" might be attributed to (and I'm no expert) a sloth of reasons like:
- shock & malaise) OP's neighbour not expecting this request, seemingly not having perceived themselves as a likely candidate for such a task, has their own individual ways of reacting/expressing unfamiliarity to things and this is one of them.
One of my personal reasons I would downvote is because:
- I understand it may or may not have hurt to get a "not so enthusiastic" response to OP's request:
• BUT, the neighbour is ALLOWED to not be enthusiastic. B factor (we are acquainted, small talk) doesn't automatically equal H factor (requests I PERSONALLY deem normal and natural for ME is the norm and is what's right). ESPECIALLY if OP's relationship with the neighbour hasn't made those elements (the "norms or the differences that unite them" PRIOR to moments like these.
• It means that in the end, turning to Reddit to ask whether or not their neighbour is weird for finding something weird is weird in itself and everyone from all sides is all individually weird:
WE ARE INDIVIDUALS. INDIVIDUALS. Similar here and there, different here and there, grouping here and there. So to say well because I do this I don't think there's a problem with it... for YOU. Individual. Agreements, common sentiment? Yeah, among individuals.
- I'm saying this personally: The way the request is made, to me IS odd.
• I'm no expert (this whole comment is a big "what do I know"), BUT what a few commenters brought up I'd agree with:
A) the request IMPLIES, rather than asks and provides info. It comes off as more of a "Help a girl out, if you know what I mean?". Response was: "Uhhh"
B) By the way OP's initial message reads, and by the admittance of a lot of stress for OP's, it was a request that did likely come across as ALERT ALERT. To me it makes sense in a state of high stress about their house, OP went for the person closest to it: their neighbour. Had their been no TIME related pressure from the an element like FIRE (time is important), who knows if the neighbour might have been chosen at all. It's a relatable request when experiencing STRESS and of course OP would've done it for their neighbour, KNOWING the stress it causes THEM. But that's just it; it's a personal experience, so:
C) OP's neighbour isn't obligated or expected to tune in to OP's radio wave. It sucks for OP, who was under the impression their neighbour was similar to them and ready to drop everything atm and tackle OP's situation. Gamble didn't land.
And, it sucks for the neighbour who got a very stressed and fire related fear ridden text, suddenly, without anticipating this kind of scenario ever in their own perception of this Friendly Neighbourly Relationship. Maybe even a little bit of dry humour? "What in the what the? You sure you choosing me, you know idk how to het in right, especially if time is of the essence, but bet i can't sprint home but around x hour i can go". That last part even gives OP more info (the earliest the neighbour can truly be there, which is helpful because if OP can find someone earlier, at least she knows the latest can be x hour for someone to check). EDIT: Whatever emotion was behind that response, it didn't land with OP.
"Hey I only have blue and it's been bugging me all day but like you know, i'd really be grateful if you could bring in the x colour"
"Reddit, she seemed confused like isn't she weird?"
(Neighbour: colourblind) "So if I pick purple is am i going to jail for arson? Shit, if only she knew i'm as scared as her to rush there as well because xyz personal reason."
Idk brOP, yall have a chitchat before I write a book series. Comms out, for me
It's a big ask unless you are close to her. If something expensive were to disappear, will you accuse her for it? Since she was the last person to come into your house.
I was asked a similar question from a neighbour before, and they gave us instructions to find their spare key etc. There’s something really uncomfortable about going into their house for the first time while they’re not there.
you don’t know how to respond to that? well you couldn’t have been that worried about the oven if you took two hours to get back to her while she was waiting to hear from you
who cares if she responded in an unexpected way? you asked for a favor and then decided your time was more valuable to bother to finish your request
you already had a prepared response, ffs just send it. there was nothing to be thrown off by if you don’t have to put any thought into your response bc it was already written
was all this really worth potentially damaging your relationship with your neighbor?
Wait, so you knew she was going to do you a favor and just intentionally said “nah, I’ll just let her stand outside my place waiting for me to give further instructions”? That is wayyy weirder than them finding the request weird (which is legitimately weird to ask of someone who has never been in your home without you there)
Are you autistic or something? I ask with all due respect to those on the spectrum…
You read way too much into what was a simple turn or phrase, and you were extremely rude to ask someone to go check your house for you and then blank them for hours
If she's never even been inside your home this is a strange request, then you just don't even text her back for a couple hours and are basically rude when you just asked her for a favor.
Probably should have communicated you found someone else then. As someone with anxiety, sounds like your anxiety was leading these interactions. I get she made you feel weird, but then you responded by making her feel probably even weirder. You could have responded with a quick "oh, don't worry, I found someone else" and at least kept the relationship from not going a weird way.
A person can be measured by their response to unexpected situations. "What are you going to do about it?" It's a foundational element of intelligence. If you only function in predictable environments it will hinder your potential
873
u/Chrispeefeart 13h ago
I think it's far stranger that you'd ask her that and then not reply to her for so long. It is kind of a strange request to ask her to check something inside your home if she has no way of getting into your home. Has she even been inside your home before? What level of familiarity is there between you?