She offered to help so not sure why you are focused on her saying it was a strange request. She responded to you immediately and then you took an extra 2 hours to respond to her well past the time she had kindly offered to go to your place and check.
What I think is the most strange here is you ask your neighbor to check on a fire hazard in your apartment but with no indication how she would enter your apartment, she says okay and gives a time she will come do so and you just....don't respond.
Because "thats a strange request" is increadibly passive aggressive and suggests that asking this neighbor to do anything is only a bad idea.
Everyone is an asshole, OP definitly should tell the neighbor they got it sorted out, but if someone writes "thats a strange request" Im almost always taking that as a "no". Even if they then say sure, if only so as not to have to deal with them later.
That is one interpretation. Different people will here that differently. I didn't hear that at all. Assuming the way you hear things is the way they were intended can get you into all sorts of misunderstandings. Why leap to the harshest conclusion? Generally speaking I tend to assume the most innocent explanation until a person demonstrates clearly otherwise. This was not something worth getting upset over.
I was so thrown off by her telling me my request was weird lol I was like screw it, I’ll just ask someone else haha
I didn’t know how to respond to that. If she had said something more kind or seemed unbothered by my question, I was going to let her know how to get in.
That is sort of on you then. Don't let how people phrase things block your intended actions. If you wanted to have your apartment checked on, someone offered to go ahead and check on it but you then didn't follow up because they worded their offer strangely....I think you might want to consider getting out of your own way there.
Personally if I messaged someone something like that and they responded back with "Fuck you and your bullshit requests!!! So, I can do it around 11:30am would that be okay" I would just respond "Yup that works, there is a spare key under the mat go ahead and let yourself in...thank you!" To me actions are important, words aren't that important...and there are a lot of quirky people out there. In her mind she might of just being laughing and saying basically "gee that is an unusual request, I've never gotten that one before...but sure I can do that". I think if she had phrased it that way you would have proceeded yeah? But instead she just shortened that to "strange request" and that was enough to just have you not see it through at all?
I don't know maybe I am the weird one but it just seems odd to me that you would decide to not accept help on what you asked for help with based on how the person spoke to you. That feels like you are just shooting yourself in the foot over some words. Assuming you were actually concerned about a fire risk.
"Hi Neighbor!♥️😁 I have been waiting for the routine ole "check the oven" text from you-I was starting to think our time would never come! ☺️ I'd be happy to check the oven.🥧 I'm so sorry to say that I foolishly left my home, not realizing that today might be the day.🫠 This is such a regular occurrence in life that I should have seen it coming when the car left the driveway.🚗💨 If I head home now, I can be there in an hour-is that going to work, or should I find a helicopter 🚁? Let's share Google calendars so we can cover the neighbor oven routine🎶 by the way, I want you to know that this is a ✨positive✨text message. I don't know how to get in your house 🏠 so I will be waiting by the front door 🚪 think you get around ⚽ to letting me know ♥️ love you 🌭"
Bringing that up and leaving her wondering if a fire might break out next door with no way to check and potentially put in the position of changing her own plans for the day waiting for you to let her know if you needed her, for hours, is awkward. Although I can understand the comment made you feel uncomfortable, she did get back to you straight away with an offer of help, saying you were concerned about preventing a fire but not acting with urgency is confusing.
Im sure they didn’t even think about when they said it was a strange request lol. It Just seems like something lighthearted youd say off hand while awaiting instructions on how to proceed, which she never got lol.
You need to have more respect for other people's time. If I'd received a message like yours from a neighbour I would have been hanging around waiting for the reply to tell me how to get in. You asked for a favour and when she agreed to it you decided "screw it" and didn't even bother to inform her that you didn't need her help any more. Incredibly selfish.
You kind of left her hanging, which was really quite rude of you. She was waiting for you to tell her how to get into your house to go out of her way to help you, and you snubbed her because you felt slighted by a single sentence. You should have told her immediately that you found the help elsewhere.
"If she seemed unbothered", really? So people have to pretend your inconvenient requests are not inconvenient so you don't feel guilty? Accept the help if you're asking for it or don't ask at all, especially from someone you barely know.
Yes- and the context and explanations just keep getting weirder.
OP-
Please understand that I intend this in the most respectful and non-judgemental way possible, but is substance abuse a factor in this situation? Because the original weird request given your casual relationship with your neighbor, the lack of info, no follow up, and then coming on here asking if they were being rude or odd, and THEN this explanation after the fact- It's just screaming alcohol or drug use to me. I bet your neighbor is getting the same vibe too (just fyi). You don't have to answer of course, just please take care of yourself.
Jesus get over yourself. This have been your response to every comment here. You were "thrown off"? Like what? You don't know how to respond? You say "thanks so much, here's how you get in." Just accept that you were the weird one in this exchange and move on.
What in the world lol. Why do you need them to be kind? You asked them for a favor…you’re the one that would need to be kind in this exchange, not them.
For the record, for normal people, there was nothing off about this conversation until you didn’t answer them.
You’ve said yourself you are not close neighbors, so it is a bit out of the blue I would say. Does this person even have a key to your place, or any way to get in by themselves? If not, did you have a plan in place for how they should check if your oven is on or not?
Honestly that's kind of rude. You were the one who asked her for help, she agreed, then you ghosted her. She was probably waiting to hear more form you about how to get in that whole time and may have delayed other plans or made sure she stayed in the area since she agreed to help.
She wasn't being rude.
It likely felt strange to her since you say you don't know her very well. That is something you normally ask someone who is closer to you that you know for certain you can trust.
Listen, your feelings are your feelings, it rubbed you wrong for her to say “strange request”, but it’s still beyond rude for you to then ghost for 3 hours. She might be hanging back from going out again waiting to see what you want, but you didn’t like her phrasing and so you inconvenience her and ice her out
I was hoping that the big gap in time and the way you spoke to your neighbor in your reply wasn't representative of how dismissive you were of them, and you just got caught up at the zoo and maybe write your text poorly. You understand your neighbor is a person, right? Like the same thing you are? Don't ask them for anything anymore.
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u/Grevious47 13h ago edited 13h ago
She offered to help so not sure why you are focused on her saying it was a strange request. She responded to you immediately and then you took an extra 2 hours to respond to her well past the time she had kindly offered to go to your place and check.
What I think is the most strange here is you ask your neighbor to check on a fire hazard in your apartment but with no indication how she would enter your apartment, she says okay and gives a time she will come do so and you just....don't respond.