I'm 59, and I've seen a lot. But I'm curious about the male 30 perspective.

I’m a 37-year-old guy, husband and dad, and honestly, I’m at a loss (again).

I’ve done years of therapy and tried antidepressants. Wellbutrin caused severe anxiety and cluster headaches, and an SSRI helped my anxiety years ago but made me angry as hell. Part of me wonders if it changed something in me, but I don’t know.

I’ve also done ketamine infusions, which seemed to help temporarily, but they’re expensive, and I worry about the long-term effects.

I’m a high performer professionally, but my job is chaotic, requires constant presentations, and keeps me under almost nonstop stress (some bc of the job but a lot of it is just bc of.. me). I’ve left almost every job I’ve had because of how badly I struggle with this stuff (primarily around presenting). Now I make severely good money and have a family to support, so walking away isn’t that simple. And I’m grateful for how much I’ve learned. I’m extremely self aware.

I def have depression and anxiety, overthink everything (I mean as soon as I wake up til sleep), have virtually no hobbies (not bc I don’t want to but bc I genuinely have no energy), and feel exhausted most of the time. Even exercise sometimes makes me feel worse. I don’t eat terrible. I gnaw at my jaw 24/7. I don’t get how dads are coaching little league or how people are happy. I wear a mask daily.

I constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, fear that my job, marriage, and family are all going to come crashing down and that I’ll end up in a mental institution or divorced. I can’t seem to turn my brain off, even when things are objectively going well. My wife and kids are my main source to keep going bc they are all angels.. especially for just dealing with me bc of the up and down, tired moods. But since I got married, it’s like a flip switched bc I know im responsible and it’s like a race which is full of fear and CONSTANT uncertainty. Massive fear.

I used to use alcohol to quiet my brain and stop ruminating. I rarely drink normally, but socially I could go from zero beers to 15. At this current job only, I’ve had three work-related social situations where I drank way beyond what I’m proud of. I’ve never done that in my previous 20 years of working. Even going out with the boys isn’t enjoyable anymore. I don’t want to rely on alcohol, but I don’t know how to shut my brain off.
I’m considering Buspar and have even wondered about psilocybin, but I’m scared of making things worse.

Has anyone been in this position and genuinely gotten better? What actually helped? Different medication, treating ADHD, addressing burnout or physical health, or something else?

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life performing well on the outside while feeling miserable inside. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been here and found their way out.

Thinking about men who have chosen a more simple life and are surrounded by friends, family, people they love and people who love them. I chased the “American dream” and I made a lot of $$ but I failed at the “what matters” part. I’d love to hear from guys who feel like they got it right.

I typically only eat once a day after 9 PM or even after midnight, I can’t maintain my workout routine, I don’t wash my hair enough and it makes my scalp condition worse, I haven’t studied at all for an important exam that is happening next month, I am regularly late to meetings, appointments, and events, I procrastinate on almost everything that is related to myself and my work… this has been the case for a long time.

I’ve been feeling very depressed about me potentially being this way my whole life. I need to do better for myself and for my loved ones. It seems like nothing works, at least not for more than a few days, and most days I simply don’t have the drive and motivation to make different choices. It’s too easy to continue neglecting myself and to continue procrastinating.

What scares me the most is that even though me putting off my responsibilities and not taking care of myself negatively impacts other people, that still isn’t enough incentive for me to change.

For example, I love my wife so much and can’t see myself being with anybody else, but the fact that my love for her isn’t enough for me to get my shit together is concerning. She puts a ton of effort into trying to help me, motivate me, and getting me to do better, and I appreciate it immensely. With that being said, we are both aware that it is ultimately up to me to do better and all she can do is continue to be supportive.

I’ve never tried Adderall, but I know people whose lives drastically improved after they started taking it, I’m just anxious about trying it due to potential side effects or me becoming addicted to it.

I will be 37 soon, and I finally feel like I am an attractive man. For most of my adult life I have been told by both people I know and strangers that I am handsome etc. but I always just thought they were being nice.

But, recently I finally look at myself in the mirror and feel good. Is this something other men agree with that perhaps 35+ is our prime? Or am I just comfortable enough now with myself being a bit older to just accept who I am?

Is there something that you changed about yourself, that made your wife appreciate you and love you more after you started doing it? Maybe led her to even her asking for intimacy more than she used to?

Mine is -

Morning -

Gentle Skin Cleanser
Toner
Azelaic Acid
Moisturizer/Sunscreen

Night -

Benzoyl Peroxide
Toner
Tretinoin
Hyaluronic Acid
Under Eye Serum
Moisturizer

The kind of story that starts with ‘we had absolutely no plan!’

What makes travel interesting? What ideas, dreams or curiosity is it that sparked your desires? The things that made you interested and where?

i wanna know whats you have in life that makes you keep going.

For me its after losing my job a decade plus ago and lashed out at my then girlfriend. I dont blame her at all for leaving my ass

Just downloaded for my Flexibility and mobility due to my body stiffening up and I really need to look after my joint and mobility health!

Edit: took out the app name

Was an avid gamer growing up. I took a break and retired from LOL when we had our first kid 8 years ago. I’ve recently resumed casual games like madden and FIFA. I’ve noticed more recently, I’m getting motion sickness from first person RPG‘s and shooters. Has anyone else had this issue? I am 37M.

I’m turning 30 in February and genuinely want some advice from men who have already lived through their 30s, 40s, and 50s.

I’m 29, single, no kids, attractive, make six figures as a firefighter/paramedic, own a home, have a solid retirement ahead of me, and have had several serious relationships, including an engagement.

I spent a lot of my 20s chasing women(when not in relationships), approval, achievements, and worrying about what other people thought of me. One of the most liberating experiences I’ve had recently is realizing I can just fucking exist around people without needing to impress them or react to everything.

Even at the fire station, I’ve started enjoying just being the calm, collected guy who shows up, does his job, enjoys his day, and goes home. I don’t have to be everybody’s favorite person, and it’s honestly incredible.

I’ve also had my fair share of experiences with women, both wonderful and absolutely horrible. At this point, I’m pretty content being single. I’m not opposed to marriage or children, but I genuinely don’t care if that happens at 35, 40, or even later. I’m not interested in rushing into something just because society says I’m supposed to.
For the first time, I feel like I have permission to just enjoy my life.

I want to travel, explore the world, learn, build things, make music, get better at photography, stay in great shape, flirt with women, meet interesting people, and have experiences I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

I also want to learn how to appreciate the boring days. I don’t want to spend another decade constantly chasing the next accomplishment or feeling like I should be somewhere other than where I am.

I guess what I’m getting at is that I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to become somebody, and now I’m realizing I can just enjoy being somebody.

So I’m curious what you older guys think.
If you were 29 again, with a good career, financial stability, no wife, no kids, and relatively few obligations outside of work, how would you spend your 30s?

What would you prioritize? What would you stop worrying about? What do you wish you’d done more of? What did you think mattered at 30 that turned out to mean absolutely nothing at 40 or 50?

I feel like I’m entering a pretty incredible chapter of my life, and I’d love to hear from guys who have already been there.

EDIT: I should’ve added… I’m worried I might miss out on finding a good partner and having kids and missing out on the raising a family experience but I have just been so hurt by women and am kind of over it at this point and have found a lot of happiness from within

I'm curious if anyone here rarely gets morning erections or has stopped getting them altogether, but still has no problems getting and maintaining erections during sex.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people with similar experiences. How often do you get morning erections, and has their absence or decrease affected your sexual performance at all?

I'm especially interested in people who have gone months or even years with very few or no morning erections while still having a normal, satisfying sex life.

Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences!

Ok, I (33M) hope the title doesn't come across as too depressing or make it sound like I'm going through depression or having suicidal thoughts, because luckily I'm not. However, with my 34th birthday coming up in about a month, and having recently returned from a solo trip where I walked several hundred miles across Spain (the Camino, yes), I've been thinking a lot about life lately and just where all of this is heading.

Two years ago, my life changed drastically. My GF of 8 years and fiancée broke up with me just a few weeks before our wedding after having an affair with her co-worker. It was the worst emotional pain I'd ever experienced, and I was devastated.

Luckily, my approach was to try to move on and rebuild my life as quickly as possible. I started therapy, got a new apartment, started working out and getting back into sports I'd kind of neglected over the years, found a new job at a new company, and even picked up a second gig alongside it.

I think I managed quite well, although looking back, I do think I could have spent more time being completely single. Instead, I started dating again after just a few months and ended up in a few short situationships. One of those I had to end just a few weeks ago because I felt really guilty about stringing along a girl I knew I ultimately didn't want to end up with. But all in all, my life is pretty good, I am healthy, doing well.

But to get back to the topic, I've been thinking a lot, almost struggling, with the question of what's all of this for?

What's the ultimate purpose in life? Is it having a family (which I have to admit I think I'd like, but after what I've been through, I'm kind of sceptical about relationships and struggle with this feeling that ultimately, no relationship really lasts)? Is it trying to maximise my career and income, moving abroad, volunteering, or simply being a good friend, son, brother, and family member?

I understand that eventually everyone has to choose their own path in life and come to some sort of conclusion (if that's even possible). And sure, from a purely biological point of view, you could argue that our purpose is simply to reproduce and pass on our genes. But I keep struggling with this whole idea of finding a goal or purpose that's bigger than just myself.

And of course, I somehow thought I'd have these big questions about life and death figured out by this age, but I don't.

So I'm curious: how have you dealt with this whole topic? Have you managed to find some sense of purpose or direction in life? Or, if you're struggling with the same questions, how do you approach them?

Quick synopsis: My wife’s best friend and biggest emotional support person in her mom, is in the final stretch of stage 4 brain cancer and it’s been an unbelievably hard ride for our family. I’ve tried to be there for my wife throughout this, doing more of the little things she’s asked of me while she’s been drowning, but apparently it hasn’t been enough. My wife is adamant that our separation has nothing to do with her grief, but I struggle to see how everything she’s going through couldn’t play some role in it. I know I can’t tell her how she feels, and I recognize that she says this is a decision she’s wanted for a long time.

We’ve had our issues like any couple and I know there are things I could have done better, but in my eyes and in my heart I never thought our problems were beyond repair, especially given everything we’ve built together. We’ve been together for 13 years, married for 8, and have two young boys ages 7 and 4. We have a home, a business, investments, and a life we’ve built together. Right now I’m sleeping on a mattress in the basement, trying to navigate this new reality while being the best dad I can be for our boys. My wife is adamant that this is our new normal going forward. She acknowledges the timing is less than ideal given her mom’s condition, but says this is what she wants. I feel like I can’t just give up on her while she’s going through one of the hardest things a person can experience. At the same time, I know I can’t force someone to want to be with me.

I’m struggling to figure out how to balance respecting her decision with not wanting to give up on my marriage and family. I don’t know whether I’m holding on to something that’s already gone or whether I need to accept that I may never fully understand her decision. There is of course a lot of context missing, but that’s the overall picture.
For the men who’ve been through something similar, I’d genuinely appreciate your input. Did you ever find out that your partner had emotionally checked out long before the separation ? How did you navigate still loving someone who no longer wanted the relationship ? And how did you know when to stop fighting for the marriage and start focusing on moving forward ?
Not looking for false hope or someone to tell me she’s wrong. Just looking for honest advice from men who’ve actually lived through something like this…

Hello, everyone!

My background:

I am 26, turning 27 in a few weeks. I come from a lower-middle-class family in a struggling, military-ruled country. I will leave your imagination to fill that part, but whatever shitty thing you imagine, it is probably ten times worse in real life.

Growing up, I was the bookworm kid who studied for hours and got solid grades without external help despite our poor educational system. I was also bullied and beaten at school and during sports in ways that still come back to me. I was a kid, and no one stood up for me, including the people who were supposed to take care of me.

I wanted to get into tech. For someone from my financial background, getting into a government engineering college required really high grades, which I achieved. However, our first-year results determined which departments we could enter. From grades 1 to 12, our schools offered two equally shitty educational paths: one in \*\*\*\* and one in English. I chose English, but all our college exams and study materials were in \*\*\*\*. I struggled with the language and missed the grades required for computer science or computer engineering.

I could still enter those departments by paying around $300 extra per semester. This was much cheaper than private college because my school grades had already earned me a place in a government college. It was doable, but the people who were supposed to help refused, even though they had the money. Not much to expect from people who let their kid get bullied and beaten.

Instead, they promised that if I graduated from the purely mechanical engineering department I was forced into, they would cover the initial costs of moving to Germany for a master's in a field of my choice. As you probably guessed, that was a lie.

Another important detail: no one in my college learned anything useful, across all departments. As military rule tightened, everything started falling apart, especially education and healthcare. We graduated with internationally recognized degrees but barely any useful knowledge or skills beyond what we taught ourselves. We were among the highest-achieving students in the country, but you can only go so far on your own. It felt like five wasted years, including a year struggling with depression after being forced into mechanical engineering.

I was then forced to move to a Gulf country, where I began working as a private tutor. Over time, I managed to save enough money to pursue a master’s degree in Europe. I was eventually accepted into a top technical university in a field I genuinely enjoy and had wanted to pursue for years. It is considered the leading technical university in its country, ranks among the top 100 universities worldwide in my field, and among the top 20 in Europe.

 I also gave my family more than €13k to start a business for when I am gone. You may wonder why. The answer is simple: their shortcomings as a family do not justify shortcomings on my part as their son and as a man. When I look in the mirror, there is a man I expect to see, and I cannot accept any less of him.

Now to the point:

* I am 26 years old, and soon I will be 27 years old.
* **Financially:** I have about €30,000 left after helping my family. That is everything I have.
* **Physically:** I am obese and in the worst shape of my life. I spent the last two years working almost nonstop to save this money, sometimes working 16-hour days and sleeping only four hours for months.
* **Mentally:** I feel numb, drained, and exhausted.

Honestly, I am scared.

This money is everything I have built for myself, and I am terrified of making the wrong decision with it.

I also worry that 27 is late to move abroad, start over in a new country, and enter a new field. I feel like people my age in Europe may already be far ahead professionally, socially, and financially, while I am still trying to rebuild my life.

Starting over at my current age, weight, and mental state feels very daunting.

I have been through a lot and have always found a way to keep going, but right now I am exhausted and genuinely unsure what the smartest next step is.

If I make this move, I have about three and a half months before leaving.

I am looking for genuine, well-thought-out advice, especially from people who have been through something similar. I cannot afford to spend several more years going in the wrong direction and realize too late that I need to change course again.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

How would you approach the next few months financially, physically, mentally, and career-wise before moving abroad and starting over?

I am not looking for empty reassurance. I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, even if it is difficult to hear.

Thank you for your time!

I’m just grown to realize a lot of the people in my life are hurting me more than helping and I’ve been working a dead end job for close to two years. It doesn’t make a lot of money but a lot of downtime most work days so I’m starting to feel irrelevant. I’ve also been pushed into being my uncle’s main care provider.

Am I crazy for considering swapping my 10-min commute to a 45-min commute to work.

Current job is swing shift and 92k a year. 4 weeks vacation. Current management is making it more stressful than what it needs to be. Moral is low and it’s really declining quickly.

New job would be straight days at $42.30 an hour. Overtime opportunities and quarterly bonuses. It’s a small terminal on the river that really just loads trucks all day. Seems like a really sweet gig to be honest. Only 5-6 employees but everyone just seemed happy.

So theoretically pay should go up with OT opportunities. 401k is very similar, but one perk is that the new company will let you roll OT pay straight into the 401k. Which I also may have misheard them.

I’m not too keen on adding 30-35 mins into my daily commute. Which instead of traveling 3-4 days a week it would turn into 5. But at the same time this job seems like it’s too good to be true.

I’m 32 and I’d say I’m in great but not “excellent” shape. I go to the gym 4 times a week for weight training. I ride my bike on the weekends for about 40-50 miles in total. I do yoga with my wife 2 times a week. I eat a fairly balanced diet of mostly home cooked meals and limit desserts or sweets to 2 times a week. However, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m about to get kneecapped by reality in a few years.

My older cousins were in fantastic shape-lifelong athletes who did swimming, went to the gym regularly, ate clean, etc. But then, around the time they hit 36, it was like a switch flipped and they aged 30 years all at once. At family reunions, they started complaining of shoulder, back, and knee problems. Their skin went from smooth and youthful to splotchy and leathery. One cousin, who used to be able to bench 350, suddenly had trouble just moving a chair in the living room. It’s not like they all suddenly quit the gym and ate nothing but pizza and milkshakes-they still went religiously, but their bodies just suddenly started giving up on them.

I’m so scared of the same thing happening to myself, that I’m going to hit the same age and then my body starts working against me. I hate the idea of doing everything “right” but still ending up losing my strength and endurance. Is anyone else in the same boat as me? Any success stories from people 40+ who have not lost as much strength?

Just got the prescription today. Went to pick it up and was denied at the pharmacy, they told me I have to fill out an official form from the government stating I went over all the potential risks with my doctor (I'm in France).

It seemed like a mild medication but that turned me to look further into it and everything I've seen online, especially on reddit, has been all doom and gloom.

Just wondering if anyone is taking it with 0 side effects and if those stories I'm seeing about people being depressed for years afterward are completely overblown. I don't have much hair recession anyway so it's not a huge deal to me if I have to avoid.

I'm 31, i'm married, I work a relatively easy, low stress, very flexible, middling pay, office job. I've never really liked my work from pretty much right after i started at 18, but it pays the bills and nowadays it's very cushy too. That leaves me with a very unfulfilling work life though, which i suppose is fair enough, not everyone can be a secret agent.

I feel like the obvious answer to my question of "how do i feel more fulfilled, less stagnant, and less bored" is to fill my non work time with something that ticks those boxes, but so far i've completely failed at doing so. I've tried some social outdoorsy hobbies like sailing & watersports (which i do like & enjoy, but it's come nowhere close to scratching my itch) I've on multiple occasions tried to start some kind of project, be it business or creative, but i find that i always hit a point where all enjoyment for it leaves me and i start to loathe it (again not really scratching my itch).

I suppose if i have kids some time soon that changes things a lot, but i still think i need this other satisfaction in my life too, at least right now

I feel like i'm craving novelty, excitement just something that makes me remember i'm alive and stops time being such a blur. I'm very cognisant of how precious this time is and i feel like i'm squandering it.

I don't really know what to do.. I don't want to blow my life up because i do want to have a stable family life in the near future, but i also feel i'll be seriously miserable if i keep treading water like this.

Any advice would be appreciated, Cheers!