My wife and I recently bought our first house. Her mom is starting a new job nearby and wants to use our house to eat lunch during her workday when neither of us are home.

I don’t have anything against my MIL, but the idea of her regularly being in our house when we’re not there makes me uncomfortable. It just feels like an invasion of my personal space.

Am I being unreasonable? I’m willing to be flexible but her using the house as her lunch space 5 days a week just makes me uncomfortable.

She also didn’t ever ask and has only said a few times “I’m excited to be able to eat lunch here when you guys are at work.” Which also irked me because she’s not even considering how we might not want this.

She has specified that she won’t do it when we have days off during the week but my schedule is variable and I don’t want to be having to tell her to not come over today because I’m home.

My (32f) husband (41m) is incredibly gifted when it comes to lovemaking and intimacy. For almost five years, he has consistently exceeded my expectations, and I feel so blessed to share this kind of love and intimacy with him.

I wish for every couple to find the same kind of intimacy and compatibility they long for, and to feel loved, desired, fulfilled, and deeply connected to their partner.

So it has been about 2 months since the incident. we did some couples therapy, planning to do more (we definitely need it). Things haven’t been horrible. he does seem to be more intentional in our relationship and we have opened communication more. in the beginning something happened I have now learned is hysterical bonding… iykyk. lots of sex, everything felt amazing and like a fresh start. I thought I was over everything and we are definitely going to come out of this stronger

Well the dust has since settled and we are back to living in the real world. The past couple - 3 weeks I just think about it all the time. I think about it during sex every time. I can’t really get into it bc I’m just ruminating constantly. my skin crawls when we are intimate lately. I haven’t told him that. I had a good cry yesterday and told him I’ve been really sad lately and I’m not over it. he thought we were doing so good but he was understanding and said he’s here for me and if I need space it will be hard but he can do it.

I just don’t know how I’m supposed to get over it and not let it run around in my head all day. It’s like the hurt I’m just reminded of it. I’m not even mad, I don’t even resent him. I’m just disappointed at my core. Any decision I make to stay or leave is just so hard. I don’t want to share my kids, but I also know my worth. I am planning on doing individual therapy for myself. But yeah There’s the update, no hidden truths have come out but at this point the damage has been done enough.

TY for listening

original: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/1vy1tu8/never_thought_my_husband_would_cheat/

I guess I'm looking for opinions and am willing to take all the negative or positive criticism because I really am trying my best to be a good husband and father.

My wife and I have been having issues within our marriage quite a bit lately - we have just linked up with a couples therapist and start this Friday.

However, yesterday we went on a family trip to our local pumpkin patch. We have a family tradition to go to this specific pumpkin patch every year. My wife invited her mother and her mother's fiancé, lets call him Steve.

At this pumpkin patch, there is an inflatable dragon type of attraction that my children are always very scared of going into. You enter through the mouth of the dragon and can walk throughout the dragon where it is pitch black and smoke everywhere. We were in line for this attraction, until my children 5 & 6 years old, said they were too scared and wanted to do something else. We went on with our day and went to do other things.

About an hour later, they worked up enough courage for the dragon and said they wanted to go in and be brave. We were all cheering them on, trying to help them not be afraid. We enter, Steve decided he thought it would be a great idea to scare the absolute living shit out of my children, went ahead of them in the pitch black dark, to jump scare them and continuously make scary noises. My younger son started crying and verbally expressing he was afraid and wanting to get out. My wife yelled, "Stop Steve!"

Steve continued to scare my children, my children continued crying and saying they wanted to get out. I then at that point raise my voice and say something along the lines of "You better stop right now, I'm not fucking playing with you."

Steve finally stopped after I said the last phrase. I felt it was completely disrespectful to my wife for not stopping when she asked him to stop originally. To my children for scaring them, knowing they were afraid, and to me, for disrespecting my family in general.

I was furious. When we exited this dragon, my son was still visibly shaken, and I pulled Steve to the side and said "If you ever scare my children like that again, I will knock you the fuck out."

My wife heard me say this to him, Steve apologized to my son saying he didn't know he was crying. Steve then did not talk to me the rest of the pumpkin patch, kept his distance from our group completely, and then they left before us, saying bye and giving hugs to my wife and children and still not a word or acknowledgment towards me.

I apologized to my mother in law privately, telling her that he was making my children cry, not respecting my wife enough to stop when she asked, so I felt I had to step in.

My wife is beyond angry with me for threatening him, she believes I am 100% in the wrong in this situation and it has now caused a huge fight between us to the point that she is not talking to me now.

Wife (42) and I (44) have had some external stress lately. Hasn't been fun

We've both been cranky and irritable, but still very connected through it.

We were in bed last night and I was cuddling my wife, giving her a massage, which she LOVES. She asked me to massage a little harder, and go a little deeper. Started really getting into it, and wanting more (which she usually does). Started wanting it harder, and started moaning sexy sweet nothings about wanting it harder. Kind of took me off guard, but it was still fun. She reached around and grabbed me firmly, kind of aggressively and whispered she just needed a good hard f*ck..

We got into it pretty quickly, aggressively and really angrily. I wont go into details but the best way to describe it was angry sex. Really angry, passionate full of energy. Wasn't a long session.. just.. angry and passionate, like we had to f the bad energy out. It was sensational! Kind of hit the reset button and we spooned to sleep.

Anyone else had this?

Husband of 20+ years told me he wants his single life back. Wants to hang out in bars and be free to date, explore his kink fetishes, and do all this without me. We recently became empty nesters and I travel a lot for work. He has admitted he doesnt handle being alone well. He suddenly started going out while I was gone. Then got more and more distant. I called him out on the lack of conversation and he told me he didnt feel married to me anymore and wanted a divorce. We share a home which we are now selling and have to both live in this house until it sells. I wanted to work on "us" but he continuously hurts me by going out without me, lying about where he is, being sneaky and evasive, and is honestly a completely different person. Our marriage wasn't perfect and I was far from it but i never saw this coming. Not sure how much more I can take.

I'm losing my husband to the gym and I'm not sure what to do. My husband (30 male) has gotten so serious in the gym. This sounds shallow but stay with me. I love my husband he has an amazing body he's a great guy and good provider. However..... my husband has got super into bodybuilding. Not a problem well at least in the beginning it wasn't a problem. We've always been active as far as lifting goes but this past year it's gotten crazy (for him at least). I'm all for hobbies and things but at what point does it stop being a hobby and start being your whole life.
I've been with my husband for 8 years we have two beautiful little boys. We've built a comfortable life together. But I'm embarrassed to say I feel neglected by him. My husband has got big into peptides, gear and lifting. It has taken over his life and there's not much room left for me and the babies. I try to be supportive and stuff. Meal prepping for him cheering him on in his workout and holding him accountable with his weight and steps but truth be told I really don't care about any of this. Sure I lift and I like the gym and stuff I put effort into myself but I don't deprive myself of things. I enjoy going out for drinks here and there I like the occasional birthday cake and a sneaky snack at night with my kids.
My husband however will not. He goes to the gym at 3 in the morning. He drops thousands of dollars on gear and peptides. When he's home he's either on the treadmill or he's eating or he's sleeping. It has completely taken my life over. I don't hardly get to hang out with him. I'll sit with him while he eats and stuff but after he eats he's off to the treadmill or stair master or bike. When he's not working out he's watching videos of people working out or talking about gear. He also works about 80 hours a week.
Me and the kids miss him. We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. Cause to have a good workout you need 6+ hours of sleep. He started complaining about how crappy he sleeps so I started sleeping in a spare bedroom. We can't take trips or hardly enjoy anything without stressing about his meals and workouts and his check in with his coach. He doesn't compete or anything. I'm proud of him I am but I miss my husband. I've really just started to resent him. Since all this has started he goes through the emotional and mental part of cutting. He becomes a different person and I'm trying to be there but it's getting harder. He becomes so different and strict about literally everything.
I miss being his wife. I just feel like a cook and maid now. I love being a mom and being with my boys but my boys miss their dad. They are 4 and 2 they don't understand why dad doesn't want to play or why he's in the bedroom working out or sleeping instead of wrestling around and playing.
I just don't understand any of this. I'm so happy he looks how he wants to look and stuff but what about us? Don't we deserve his time too? Has he just grew out of us? Am I not seeing something?

I found this video and I thought I'd share the laughs on this subreddit. 😊

Disclaimer: We have a great marriage. He makes me feel loved, sexy, and beautiful all the time.

Something that has bothered me since we first started dating is how he will touch me when he is attracted to someone. This happens in public or even when there’s attractive tits/booty on the TV. It happened tonight at a wedding. This girl, who was just his type, came and talked with someone at our table. My husband looked at her and then immediately reached over and grabbed my thigh. I was literally waiting for that to happen.

I have a few theories as to why he does this. He might even be doing it subconsciously.
A. He is trying to direct his lust on to me.
B. He feels guilty for feeling lustful for someone else.
C. He is trying to ground himself by remembering that, while this woman is hot, he loves his wife (I like this one obviously 🙄)
D. He’s trying to reassure me.

I know we are human and find other people attractive. I’m just perplexed by his motive for doing this.

Anyone else experience this from either side?

I can’t take this anymore. I literally have nooooo one. It’s my daughter’s 3rd birthday and I’m trying my best to make it a special day. My husband woke up fucking irritated at me and idk what I did so wrong. I’m so tired of it. Not joking at all. This morning I was going to take my daughter to get a birthday “coffee” (just hot chocolate). I asked my husband if he can watch our baby while I take her and he freaked out and said he has to poop and can’t hold him. I was literally waiting for him to poop and he just wouldn’t go to the bathroom. He got pissed when I asked again and was so rude to me. I ended up just taking my baby with us. He has randomly brought up things and is being so on edge with me. I hate it. I’m tired of him.

I honestly think he wanted to go to the bathroom to jack off. It’s like he was waiting for me to leave to go to the bathroom. Got pissed when he couldn’t.

I asked him way he’s being so mean and on edge with me today and he says he’s been acting fine and he doesn’t know what I’m talking about

My wife and I just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary and I honestly can't imagine what life would be like with anyone else.

TDLR: I (30F) married my husband (57M) believing his marriage had ended 15 years ago and that we had a great love story. Later, I discovered they only recently divorced for my residency, had traveled together shortly before we met, and shared more than one business together but no kids. He once told her she’d “always come first.” When I raise concerns about feeling lack of boundaries, he calls me “crazy” and defends her. Am I unreasonable, or is he treating me badly?

Hi all, I am making this post because I don't know where else to turn. I am hoping some of you can give your thoughts, guidance, and advice. My husband is 27 years old than me. I met him on vacation almost 10 years ago, and because of our age difference and I was living and studying in America and he was Italian, it just wasn't the right time. He showered me with much love for years, and when I came to Italy, he told me I would be the happiest woman with him, and naturally, I fell in love and we got married. My husband was married for 17 years and separated 15 years ago. He had other relationships, but was always proud that he and his ex wife are good friends, share a business and work together, and maintained a good relationship despite not having any children (she couldn't have kids). When we got together, I noticed she called and they talked often, but I didn't realize he hadn't told her about me until about a month into our relationship, which I found strange for people who are "Like brother and sister" and only friends and both having had other relationships. Meanwhile to all his other friends, he bragged about his new love and how he met the one. I will now say they were not legally divorced when we met, which he said was only for pension reason as he didn't wan to marry other women he was with and didn't want his pension to go to the govt. if he were to die, and she was a good woman to him, she deserved it, etc. He said their relationship fell apart because he cheated, fell in love with the other woman, and while his wife wanted to work on the relationship, he didn't. He told me the guilt of it consumed him, as the relationship with the other woman ended, and he said he regretted hurting his ex wife and destroying his marriage...so he gave her 20 percent of the business and she also works managing it. The relationship with the mistress didn't work out. After he had another 8 year relationship, and during a break in this relationship he took a vacation with his ex wife to the Maldives to see if they could try again, but he says they slept on separate sides of the bed and realized they're just like brother and sister.......so, I was shocked to learn when I stayed with him that six months before our relationship, so this is many years after their separation, they took another 4 day trip together, he said just as friends, swearing nothing like that exists between them and she went with him because he was extremely lonely after his eight year relationship ended. Now, He did immediately divorce her when I needed to establish residence in Italy without me having to ask, which upset his ex wife, she cried about it, called friends, was shocked, etc. He also married me and tells me i am the love of his life, etc. However, he in the past has told me he made a promise in church to protect her, that she was always by his side for 30 years, that anything she needs he will do for her, that he is her point of reference....he stopped saying these things after we fought about it. Then, one time after she had plastic surgery on her eyelids, he talked about how she had to get the surgery because her eyesight was impacted -- not true, she's only 52, she did it for the youthful effects - and in front of me touched her face to see how her eyes were. I later told him it made me uncomfortable, and he BLEW UP and said he loved her like family and that I was just like his ex girlfriend who was always jealous of his ex wife. Mind you, I am way younger and just being honest much more attractive, his ex wife isn't someone I should be jealous of or would ever even consider being jealous of before meeting and marrying my husband. Now here is the truth - I am consumed by the jealousy, and he has made me feel insecure, whether warranted or not.... I feel like there are parts of him reserved for her, and it doesn't help that they talk and meet regularly for work. They have considerably cut down on the personal talks, but I also saw messages of when I was traveling away from him and he was sending her videos of our dogs and asking her how she is doing. She wasn't friendly to me in our first few meetings, and is now just cordial. I tried to write her, thinking maybe being friends would help, but she made it clear with her short answers she wasn't interested. Now I am beyond that - I am just angry at my husband. I found an agenda from their marriage year and the marriage certificate and marriage cards under our bed, and he blew up and said I was crazy and he forgot about all these things being under our bed. I was upset that he took a trip with her six months before our relationship and he said that happened before me - yes, but he still talks to this person regularly. I am hurt he told me about his promise in church and how he'll always take care of her, though he did stop speaking like that finally, but this was all within the last year. And now I learned they had other businesses besides the original one - but before our marriage - that I didn't know he shared with her. His response was "everything in the last 30 years of my life was with her", which hurt me because I thought I was marrying a man who was 15 years separated from his ex wife, 3 years single from his ex girlfriend. His ex girlfriend and him had many problems with his ex wife dynamic. I saw messages where in 2021 he told the ex wife she will always come first in his life. He tells me now that I am first, but when I bring up the issue, he says I am insecure, crazy, see things my way and make up stories in my head like a movie, immature, etc. I don't want to be any of these things and try to work on it, but then I also see how when they talk on the phone, he never brings me up or says that he's with me, for example - "I am going on this vacation," instead of me and ... insert my name...., or "I am on the way to the store," instead of us. He only does this with her, almost like he is trying to separate me and her. She never says my name or brings me up and he does not either, I hear this on the phone. In person she is very cordial but not warm, doesn't say my name, very distant. My husband always speaks so well of her and I feel so crazy when I bring up my concerns. He yells at me and gets irate, he says I drive him crazy, that this can break our relationship, yesterday he yelled harder at me than anyone in my life, saying I had problems in my head, and that he can't talk to me because I'm stubborn like a horse and don't understand anything....but meanwhile he's so protective of his ex wife. But in the good moments, he is so sweet, loving generous, he tells me I am his purpose of living, in fact when I bring up these concerns he makes me feel so bad, saying he ended even his friendship with her, divorced her for me, I am his life, but I have to stop bringing her up..... but it's just hard when I see the messages, or find an agenda and marriage certificate under the bed, and when he tells me things like she has been with him for 30 years.... Sometimes i feel like a mistress who broke up a marriage , instead of a woman who married a man who was separated for 15 years, had other girlfriends, and single for three years. He says she drove him to his mother's funeral, helped him through hard times, etc etc. I just feel terrible.... where can I be better? What am I doing wrong? Or is he being an ass? I am ready to work on myself if I am the problem, though this has been eating at me for so long.

I love my husband so much, but I hate going on vacation with him. We bought tickets to Lego land while in Florida for a wedding, one day only. Park is open from 10 am until 5 . We didn’t leave until 12:30. Here we are, sitting in the waiting area waiting for him to come out of the bathroom. It is now 1:10 and we still haven’t started on the park. At least at home I can drive and tell him to meet me places, but here we have one rental car. He is sooo late for everything and it makes my anxiety spike.

My husband is 33, I’m 30, and we don’t have kids. My husband has never drank or smoked, and I don’t drink either. I occasionally hit my weed pen at night before bed or after an argument to help me relax.

I actually stopped smoking for an entire year but recently picked it back up because of how stressful our current living situation has been. We live with my mother-in-law, who has cancer, so things have been emotionally difficult.

I told my husband that I started smoking again, and he wasn’t upset. He even told me he’d found the edibles I had hidden lol. I asked him if he cared that I was using weed again, and he basically said, “Obviously, I’d prefer if you didn’t, but I understand that we’re in a really difficult situation with my family, so if it helps you manage your stress, then I guess it’s okay.”

I also asked if he wanted me to let him know whenever I’m high, and he said he didn’t really care to know. He also can’t tell when I’m high.

The thing is, even though he knows I’m using weed again and doesn’t seem particularly bothered by it, I sometimes feel a little guilty getting high without him knowing in the moment. At the same time, I kind of enjoy having that time to myself and being able to relax without feeling like I need to announce it to anyone.

So I’m curious: Do any of you get high without your husbands knowing in the moment? Do you enjoy having that little experience to yourself, or do you ever feel guilty about it? And for those of you who are the sober partner, do you mind if your husband or wife gets high while you’re sober? I’d love to hear how other couples navigate this!

Yesterday was one of those rainy autumn days, and my wife and I (both in our early 40s) were doing housework inside. After a while she insisted that we go to a public thermal bath and hit the sauna. I really wasn’t feeling it but ofcourse couldn’t refuse.
so I dragged myself out the door and I am glad I did.
The moment we walked into the first Aufguss (the scheduled steam event where the sauna master pours water mixed with essential oils over the hot stones), all my reluctance vanished. I could literally feel my body reacting to the intense heat in the most positive way. The stress just melted right off me.
After baking in the heat, we headed outside. There we were, in the freezing autumn temperatures, cold rain falling on our faces, wading through the warm outdoor pool and leaning against the edge. It creates this incredibly relaxed, pressure-free atmosphere where the best conversations just happen naturally. We talked about everything: family, friends, the good times, the tough times, and our future plans.
Before we knew it, the next hour had struck (the Aufguss sessions happen every full hour), so we headed straight back in. In total, we ended up doing four rounds! In between sessions, instead of the pool, we grabbed drinks at the bar and ended up having a great chat with a stranger who turned out to be a sports journalist.
But the highlight of the night was the final session. Traditionally, the last one of the evening is a bit calmer and not quite as scorching hot. The sauna master turned the main lights off, leaving only the "starry sky", tiny, faint LED spots on the ceiling glowing in the near-darkness. He infused the air in three stages as usual: first conifer/pine wood, then crisp grapefruit, and finally a warm mix of rhododendron and vanilla.
As the music started playing first November Rain by Guns N' Roses, followed by Still Loving You by the Scorpions the atmosphere became absolutely incredible. My wife was sitting one bench below me and, completely deep-relaxed, she laid her head in my lap while the sauna master gently waved the towel to circulate the warm, fragrant air. It was a deeply peaceful, almost emotional moment of pure connection.
To wrap up our ritual, we went into the steam room for a full-body salt scrub (we always do this, it leaves your skin incredibly smooth) before finally heading home.
These sauna nights with my wife which we try to pull off every 4 to 6 weeks are so incredibly vital for our relationship. It’s our ultimate reset button.
How about you guys? What are your go-to relationship boosters?

I found out that my husband keeps a journal of all his grievances with me. Every argument we have had in the past decade of marriage, every time we have a heated discussion or fight, every time I talk about how he hurts me etc. It’s all dated and time stamped, and every one of those entries basically portrays me as an uncompromising bitch who does nothing for him.

Part of me feels like he’s entitled to do that. I’m not always an easy person to live with. We have 2 very young children and some days are brutal. I have severe PPD (had it with both kids) and go for my own therapy as well as couples.

Part of me feels hurt. I’ve had to deal with his own incompetence, his lack of support, his total disregard for my needs on several occasions. I never made a list of reasons to remember him as a person who caused me pain and grief. God knows, he’s no saint to live with either.

Another part of me feels anger. That even after a decade, he can’t talk to me to resolve things like an adult.

I can’t talk to him about this without losing my cool. I don’t even want to bring this up in therapy. I’m not sure how to move on from this.

I've been putting a pretty big chunk of my income into retirement accounts since my early 20s. My goal has always been to retire somewhere around 50-55, or at least get to a point where I don't need to work full time. She's been saving too, but has a different outlook. She enjoys her job and would rather spend more of our money on traveling, having a nicer home, and enjoying things while we're younger. She doesn't see herself retiring early and I can understand that.

Neither of us is trying to change the other's mind. We just never gave much thought to how different our long term plans were until we started discussing what our finances would look like after marriage. I've also been thinking a prenup might be a good idea, mainly because we've both built up savings independently and have different plans for our money. She's not against it either, and we've talked about looking into one before the wedding. We just haven't figured out what we'd even want to agree on yet.

I'm curious how other couples with different financial goals have handled this. Do you keep retirement savings separate and contribute to shared expenses together? Or do you eventually start treating everything as one big pool of money? Would be interested to hear what worked for people who've been married a while.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, since high school. He’s generally kind and empathetic towards everyone, except apparently me.

Whenever I express negative emotions or tell him about someone treating me badly, instead of supporting me, he immediately plays devil’s advocate, criticizes my reaction, or gets irritated. It’s like my feelings are something to correct rather than understand.

He also constantly prioritizes other people’s feelings over mine. Twice he’s expected me to leave social gatherings because his friends wanted a “boys’ night.” One time he actually got angry because I didn’t leave voluntarily and apparently embarrassed his friend.

During arguments, he can become incredibly hurtful, telling me I’m incapable of doing anything and that he has to do everything himself.
The confusing part is that he can also be very loving and affectionate. He says he’s trying to change, and I suspect he might be depressed, but lately I feel like everything I do annoys him.

I know my worth, but I’m starting to wonder whether he actually respects or even likes me. Has anyone experienced something similar?

What’s something your wife does that makes you feel seen/appreciated/loved/respected? Small everyday gestures or big gestures or even something you wish she would do.

Going on 10 years married. We have small children. Just feels a bit like a grind right now. Want to make sure I am doing all the things.

So found out my husband cheated on me last night. We have been married since we were in our early 20's. I was with friends last night and he decided to go out himself. He told me early this morning when he got home. The thing is, he said it wasn't because he told me. ​

I (46m) am the type of guy who doesn’t like spending a lot of money on himself but I finally decided that after a good decade, I needed a wardrobe update. My wife (49f) was in full support. A couple of new shirts, pants, pairs of shoes, a couple jackets and some scally caps and I have a ton of different outfit combinations that I can wear.

I put on the first of the outfits today to go out on a walk with the wife and when I walked out of the bedroom, she got this big smile on her face. She said that I look incredible and she gave me a kiss.

Honestly, that compliment is going to have me smiling for a long time to come.

My wife and I are both 32, and we've been struggling with a major conflict in our marriage for the past two years.

We got married relatively quickly after her father passed away unexpectedly. She was also facing pressure from local customs to marry within a year. We never had a proper conversation before marriage about whether we wanted children or when we wanted to have them.

When we were 30, we had an unexpected pregnancy. My initial reaction was fear. I had recently started a high-pressure job after receiving a low-performer rating at my previous job, and I was worried about being fired. We also had a mortgage larger than our savings, and I was concerned about losing my job while on an H-1B visa and potentially having to leave the US.

I was also afraid that if my wife experienced pregnancy complications, I might struggle to manage both my job and the demands of supporting her. I thought we could try again later when our circumstances were more stable.

My wife really wanted the baby. We discussed it repeatedly and went back and forth. Eventually, I told her I was willing to accept the risks, even if the worst case meant losing our jobs and returning to our home country. She wasn't comfortable with that possibility.

She ultimately decided to proceed with an abortion. On the day of the procedure, I asked several times whether she was sure and told her we could continue the pregnancy if she wanted. She assured me that it was her decision and that she wouldn't blame me later.

For the past two years, however, she has told me that I forced her into the abortion and destroyed her life. I understand that my initial reaction hurt her and that she felt unsupported when she wanted the baby. I also didn't understand how strongly she viewed abortion as a grave moral wrong.

We have another fundamental difference. I've never felt a strong innate desire to become a father. I could be happy without children, but I could also be happy having one or two with a partner who genuinely wanted that life with me. I think agreement on parenting decisions and responsibilities matters more than an innate urge to have children.

When I explained this after the abortion, my wife felt betrayed. She now believes I could never be a good father and says she no longer wants children with me. She also compares me with friends who have children and questions why I can't be like them.

Our arguments have become hurtful, and she is considering divorce. I'm starting to question whether we can recover from this, especially when we never established our expectations around parenthood before getting married.

I don't want to dismiss her grief or minimize my part in how things unfolded. At the same time, I don't know how we can rebuild our marriage when we remember the decision differently and now disagree about our future.

For married people who have faced a major disagreement about children, how did you figure out whether you could rebuild trust and find a shared future? What conversations or changes helped you determine whether the relationship was still compatible?

TL;DR: My wife wanted an unexpected pregnancy to continue, but I initially panicked because of job, financial, immigration, and pregnancy-complication concerns. I later agreed to proceed, but she chose an abortion after repeated discussions. She has blamed me for it for two years and now doesn't want children with me. We also disagree about my lack of a strong innate desire for fatherhood. How can we determine whether our marriage has a viable future?

My husband and I have been together 7 years, married 5 and just welcomed our first child. I knew early on he was a good man and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with based off both his words and actions. I had to have brain surgery a little while back and I was out of commission for 6 weeks before I could even fully move my neck and head or do anything of significance outside of light cleaning or cooking. He took care of everything without hesitation. I was able to recover without stressing about how things around the house were being managed. I knew before I married him I could count on him and that he would be a great dad one day, but that situation solidified it for me.

Fast forward to now as we raise our almost 2 month old daughter and I was still right. He took care of the house, the dogs, and me those first couple weeks so my sole focus could be taking care of the baby and healing, while also helping take shifts with contact naps and feedings. Once I actually got moving around he had no issue at all taking care of her while I did whatever I needed - shower, clean, make something to eat, and of course nap. Women make such a fuss about how cooking or cleaning isn’t a break, but I actually like domestic duties and it’s therapeutic for me to just throw on some music or an audiobook and get after it.

Our daughter just started social smiling in the past week or so and she gets the biggest smile when he talks to her. My heart was already full, but I was brought to tears of joy the first time I saw it. To the men who think they are useless until a child is old enough to play with or whatever, just remember that bonding has no age requirement.

I love that man so much. He gets peace and frequent BJs - his wants are simple, and I am happy to oblige.