I live in a roommate situation with my wife, 2 kids, and two of what I thought were my closest friends. Tonight I learned she's been having an affair for at least a year. I have evidence, and she doesn't know that I know yet. I'm going to leave, and hopefully see my kids on the weekends, but the unfortunate truth is I'm flat broke. We live paycheck to paycheck, and have nothing in savings. I don't know what to do, I can't stay here and I do plan on confronting them about this very soon. I think I'm in shock right now, I literally just learned of this a few hours ago. I've had suspicions for a while now.

I'm spiraling. I'm sitting at work right now and I have no clue what to do. Does anyone know of a website I can contact for emergency housing? Or maybe a website where people are looking for roommates? I have a full time job and make okay money. I'll have a lot more once I leave. Any help or advice would really be appreciated.

At this point I don't care where I go, I just can't be here.

Long story short, I had some unexpected finances come up that my husband helped me cover from our family pot. Immediately after, he said I had to pay him back. Ftr he makes triple what I make but I still contribute 80% of my income to our family pot, and 10% to my student debt. That leaves me 10% for myself. Currently, that other 10% that I have, is going to paying him back.

There has never been a time in our marriage when I havent contributed at least 2k a month except for 2 months after the birth of our son. Meanwhile, my financial contributions have helped him pay off a 100k debt, and now it is helping us save up for a house we will be buying next spring with a 20% down-payment.

When I brought up that I dont think this financial arrangement is fair and I don't like the idea of "owing him money", he said, "So do you just expect me to pay for everything?"

Currently feeling really undervalued for both my financial contributions, as well as all of my domestic labor.

What should I do?

Edit: I make 90k a year and will continue to make more since I have a unionized job and am only at 80% capacity. Im not a brokie

i was relaxing on a sunday ignoring for a moment the 3 loads of laundry I needed to sort. my husband asked my mother in law to go into the room and help him fold all my stuff. i dont mind accepting help from her ever but I had alot of clothes that I like folded a certain way to fit my drawers. I also needed to go through the pile to pack for in upcoming trip. etc..

i went in the room and made a comment that I didn’t want their help because I had a way I needed it done and I would have to redo it all anyways. my mother in law apologized but kept going. my husband should have redirected her at that point seeing I was annoyed. instead he outright asked me in front of her “are you mad at my mom for helping“ so I had to just eat it. my mother in law then tried to apologize again and I kept doing other things but clearly bothered. my husband then took me aside (but still in front of my son) and berated me for being rude to his mother. He then took all the laundry and threw it around the room and left.

he told me I was being rude and his mom left crying and he told me I made her cry.

IF my wife sent me an unsolicited text message during the work day to tell me she loved me, appreciated me, or thought I was attractive, it would be my most productive day that month, maybe even a year!

This has never happened to me. Even though I do it for her at least monthly. Communication efforts to resolve have been extensive and have failed.

But you can do it! Tell them you love them, they're sexy, you miss them. It'll work magic.

My husbands 20 year class reunion is happening soon, and he’s been planning on going all year.
When he first heard about it, he started planning which car he’ll drive, where he’ll stay, etc., details not involving the family. I asked if he wanted us (me and our 2 kids) to go too, and he said in a kind of annoyed/ bothered tone “do you want to go?”, and I told him I would be excited to go if he wanted me to go.

He then mentioned all the ways it wouldn’t work. He wants to drive his nice sports car, so me and the kids would have to drive separate or fly, who would watch the kids, we’d just be cooped up in the hotel or airbnb, etc.,

Meanwhile in my head there are very easy ways around these obstacles.

One, we can take the family car.
Two, his mom lives an hour away from where the reunion is and would absolutely volunteer to come and watch the kids for us. I actually think she had already mentioned that.
And that’s about it. Problem solved.

I confess I am actually pretty hurt by this, because I thought it was a common thing to want to “show off” your life at your reunion, and maybe your pretty wife/LIFE COMPANION would be the most important thing 🤷🏼‍♀️ you can show people pictures of your sports car once you’re there.

I shouldn’t be surprised as we have had a lot of marital issues the last few years, but I guess it just confirms a lot of things I was already feeling.

Am I being dramatic, or is this normal?

I’m 41F, and my husband and I have been together for almost 19 years. We have two young children, and he’s genuinely my best friend. I love him deeply.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with jealousy toward our female neighbor.

She has a very attractive body. My husband and I were both very fit when we met, (we still are but less “trimmed”) and I know he appreciates a nice body. I can’t help thinking she’s exactly his physical type.
She knocks on our door at least twice a week for playdates, and the kids always end up playing at our house, never hers. She also tends to overstay her welcome, even when we hint that it’s time for dinner or family routines. Sometimes we have to be very direct to get her to leave.

The more she comes around, the more my mind starts creating scenarios where my husband eventually develops feelings for her and leaves me.

My husband knows how uncomfortable she makes me. Initially, when I tried to explain my feelings, he got angry, called me crazy, and said it was my problem to fix. I agree that my jealousy and anxiety are my responsibility to work on, but I felt hurt by his reaction and wished he’d shown some understanding.

After several discussions, he eventually acknowledged my feelings and offered some validation, which I appreciated. I just wish it hadn’t taken so long.

He still believes there’s nothing wrong with her coming over regularly and that I should learn to control my reactions and get professional help.

We’ve had some periods of emotional disconnection since having children, but things have been improving lately. We’re reconnecting, being intimate again, and I’m also working on rebuilding my confidence after pregnancy.

I realize that my biggest fear isn’t really her attractiveness. It’s losing my husband and the family we’ve built.

I’d love some honest perspectives:
Husbands: Can you find another woman very attractive, even your physical type, without it affecting your feelings for your wife?
Wives: Have you experienced jealousy when your husband hasn’t actually done anything wrong? What helped?
Both: Is it reasonable to expect my husband to be more understanding and supportive, even if my jealousy is ultimately my responsibility? Would you establish firmer boundaries with the neighbor?
Thank you for reading my long post.

Girls, I need some genuine advice from married women, especially those whose husbands are naturally a little reserved when it comes to expressing their feelings.
My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years, and we’re about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. I know he loves me. He cares about me, makes me feel secure in many ways, and I know there’s attraction and desire between us. Our chemistry and intimate life are great, so I don’t think that’s the issue.
But sometimes I wish he would express his love a little more openly.
Like, randomly telling me I look beautiful without me having to ask. Holding my hand when we’re sitting together, pulling me into a hug out of nowhere, initiating affection, telling me he misses me, or occasionally posting a cute picture of us or making me his phone wallpaper. Just those little things that make you feel like your man is genuinely smitten with you.
The thing is, I’m usually the one initiating these little romantic moments. I want to feel pursued sometimes, too. I want him to look at me and make me feel how much he desires me, without me always having to ask for it.
I sometimes wonder if he’s the kind of person who feels deeply but holds himself back from expressing it because he thinks being too romantic or openly affectionate somehow makes a man look less masculine or too emotionally dependent. I could be wrong, though.
I’m not looking to change his personality or turn him into someone he’s not. I just want us to have more of those little moments where the love is expressed, not just understood.
Advicer request:- So, married women, what actually helped your husbands become more openly affectionate, romantic, and expressive? Did you communicate your needs differently? Did something change naturally over time? Or is this simply something you have to accept as a difference in personality?
And for those of you whose husbands are absolutely crazy about you and aren’t afraid to show it, what does that dynamic look like in your relationship?
I’m looking for real experiences and advice, not manipulation or games. I just want to understand how to build that kind of mutual, effortless romance. ❤️

I’ve surprised him for his birthday plenty of times before but it’s never been this big of a surprise and I just don’t know how I’m going to keep it to myself for the next 19 days!

It’s his first motorcycle, he’s always wanted one but I put the kibosh on it for years and have only recently come around to the idea after a long gradual process of letting go of my fears and accepting that not only is he the best driver I know, he was also incredibly safe driving on his Vespa scooter, which was the compromise we came to a few years back. He’s going to be 49 this year and after 25 years of putting up with me, he deserves to be happy!

I got him the exact make and model he’s been watching YouTube videos about for months and even the color he was looking at longingly as he scrolled through their inventory. I know it’s the one he wants but would never ask for.

Money is tight right now with him back in school, but I’ve been saving up slowly but surely. I was going to wait until his birthday to buy it but they only had one left in stock in his preferred model and color and I had the funds ready so I took the plunge and bought it this morning! They will keep it at the dealership until I take him there on his birthday. They are even going to put a big bow on it for him!

I can’t tell our daughter, she’s even worse than I am at keeping secrets! How do I go home and act natural like I didn’t just buy a freaking motorcycle for him!? 😅

I'm 32f and he's 36m been together 10 years married for 5. Have 2 kids one is 4 and the other is 11 months.

At the beginning he was very attentive, thoughtful, and was extremely easy to work with and be a team. In the last 2 years that has completely changed. He went from being that to not doing a ton around the house and not putting a lot of effort into our relationship. I feel very taken for granted. I’m not asking for expensive gifts or big plans. I just want to feel like he thinks about me and wants to do something nice for me sometimes (like bringing home my favorite drink, picking up a takeout meal I like, remembering my birthday or our anniversary, or putting a little thought into making a day feel special) Valentine's Day and anniversaries aren't acknowledged anymore. He didn't get me anything for Christmas and forgot my birthday the last few years. He would sometimes scramble last minute after I said something but he'd get so frustrated it was terrible, or you could clearly tell there was no planning (like place was closed or no reservations, no childcare planned) All I like for my birthday is going to watch a hockey game and have a couple beers at a restaurant or something. I will do these things for him and plan and take him to a place he likes.

I did everyone's Christmas stocking this year and got him a Fitbit and he didn't do anything, and said after he was too busy with work (I just didn't think it was hard to order online, especially since I'd just had our baby a month prior). He does work full time and I do as well. We work the same hours, I make more money and kids are in daycare. A lot of the time he's honestly just sucks to be around he's grumpy and snappy and just horrible to be around. I do the majority of the home chores, especially with the kids. He'll clean things up but the majority is me, he'll typically relax when he gets home.

Even sex.. I'll try to initiate and he ignores me, is "playing his game and will be right there" (and won't come for an hour) like there's no interest. And if I finally say something... then he'll try and it just feels forced out of obligation and I'm not into it. Essentially I'm losing all feelings I feel like I have a roommate. And I love sex, it feels terrible and makes me feel rejected. And when we do have sex, let's say he doesn't put in much effort.

I've considered leaving, but splitting up the kids home along when they love their dad, plus the financial impacts would be devastating. I also would likely owe support because I make more despite me doing 90% of the parenting/household stuff.

I guess I just find myself craving a man who actually wants to be with me, makes an effort, physically wants to be intimate and makes an effort when we do.

I just don't know what to do or how to go about this... I just want to feel I'm worth making an effort for.

Edit*** for those saying talk to him. I've talked to him more times than I can count. It will MAYBE change for a day or two and go right back to how it's been. And it sucks begging for intimacy and effort in my own marriage

Would’ve done it sooner but had to wait on SCOTUS! 🥂

For a little context, me and my wife have been married for four years. We've had a good relationship overall, but we have had some rough patches. She's a great person, but she does get angry a lot, and that stems from her family issues and stuff. She does scream at me and get a little aggressive at times, but I've never minded it,because there has never really been a proper physical altercations from her side.

Yesterday, we were getting late for her friend's wedding because she was doing her makeup and then she didn’t like it, so she redid it. I just said, "You're gonna get us late," and before leaving, she kept blaming me, even though I only took ten minutes to get ready and my wife took an extra hour. She started shouting at me, so I told her to get in the car. When we got in, she kept blaming me, so I got a little loud and said, "It’s literally your fault, you took an hour to get ready."

She slapped me on my face and showed no hint of regret and the worst part is our driver was sitting at the front and it was extremely fucking akward. I just sat there in shock, unable to say anything. When we reached the venue, she told me to get out,to go to the venue but i called an uber and left. I went to a restaurant to sit alone. She texted me, calling me overdramatic and telling me to "be a man." I know I’m a man, but I can't help but feel hurt, i have always ignored her behaviour bcs I understand she has gone through a lot of trauma but this is too much for me.

How do I make her understand that she is at fault here and she shouldn't have slapped me? I have no clue on how to get past this...

Well, basically what the title says. So husband’s priority was always his friends and doing things alone and having his own individuality. Awesome, right? Except no effort in romance or the relationship whatsoever. I was always chasing him. Until I decided to start my own life without him, at first I tried to find the spaces where he was already doing something else, then it hit me I was just accommodating to him, and started just going around with my new hobbies and stuff.

Now we absolutely don’t have a marriage and things are probably ending soon, for a lot of other reasons too, but this one hurts so much.

ETA: 8 years together, 34M and 37F, blessed that I didn’t have children with a man who didn’t have empathy or consideration towards me

ETA2: I didn’t do this on a first instance for gods sake. I communicated my needs for years on end, we went to therapy, and ultimately there were so many other instances where I was verbally insulted and threatened with divorce over small things. I loved this man with all my heart and I don’t want to love another man again. Thanks.

ETA3: he recently said to my he doesn’t even want to spend time with me, and is unsure whether he wants to fix this or not, then left on Saturday at 11am and returned at 1am.

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My (42F) husband (39M) of 19 years has spent a good amount of time out partying with friends throughout the years. He will take breaks periodically and swear he is going to do better being at home, helping run the house, spend time with our kids, etc. Then it slowly goes back to the same old shit.

The past several months he had been going to the bar at least 2-3 times per week. In July, I told him (once again) I was not ok with my husband spending so much time at the bar; mind you some of these days he wouldn't even tell me - he would just go after work and after a couple hours waiting for him, I would look at life360 and find out. I told him this was not acceptable to me; and thought I finally got through.

Then comes this past Friday, he texts and says he is popping by the bar to talk to B (male bartender) and will be home after a couple beers - 6 hours later he comes stumbling in *after driving home* and goes to bed. Saturday I had to work a couple hours, and he and our 16 year old went and did some errands. I had messaged him that morning that I wanted to talk to him. I get home from work, and he is "napping" on the couch 🙄 after a few hours he gets up for a bit, basically avoids me the whole time, then goes to bed.

Sunday morning I send him a heartfelt text when he was sleeping (12:30pm), before I leave to clean an office. I thought we would finally be able to talk when I got home. Instead, he abruptly leaves the house, without a word to anyone (myself or our 16 and 20 year olds); and you guessed it!!! - goes to the bar! 😮 I was livid!! I did crash out over text a bit (sent 20 🖕 emoji back to back). He got home and our kids were pissed at him (we share a life360 group); which he tried to blame on me "talking bad about him to them".

Monday, he gets home from work (6:40pm)and is drinking seltzers and listening to music while playing a game in the living room. Around 9, my oldest son, who has to work in the morning is trying to go to bed. He started texting me and asking if I could get his dad to turn the music down. I suggested things to try to block the sound a bit in his room, but said I would try. I first, sent a text to my husband asking him to turn the bass down a bit, as it travels really well. After 15 minutes of the music seemingly getting louder, I walked into the living room and said "hey, could you please turn that down a little bit? It is really loud to all of us". He replies "uh, yeah, when I'm done I will". I said "please just have some respect for the rest of your family sharing this space". He said no.

At the time, my 20 year old comes down the stairs asking why his dad is being such an ass. They begin arguing and shoving, and my new coffee table gets smashed by my son being pushed into it. Our 16 year old comes in from off the porch and is also yelling at his dad for "not giving a F\*\*\* about us". Finally my husband just goes to bed; and I clean up the mess in the living room - spilt beer/seltzer, broken parts of the table, etc. Both boys had calmed down and went to bed as well.

Next up, we have Tuesday- we all get a life360 notification that husband/dad is at the bar. He stays from 6p-10p, gets home and goes to bed.

Today, Wednesday, he was supposed to pick our 16 year old for boxing at 4:30pm (he planned on leaving work early, as the gym is 30 mins away). At 4:17pm he texts me saying he can't get ahold of our son; I tell him that's strange because he is at the house, but I also haven't seen him go outside at all (ring cameras). I told him to let me know what's up when he got there, as I was finishing up my job and had a 25 minute drive home. When I get almost home (5:20pm), midly panicked because we have had some mental health issues with our son, I get a text from my husband saying he spoke with 16 year old "just a minute ago, and he had just woken up". I got home at 5:30, and all was well with my son. I got some dinner around, and then my 20 year old got home (he works the same place hubby does). We were chatting and then at 6:35pm get a life360 notification that Dad just arrived at the bar!!! It is now 9:20pm, the kids ate and we played Jenga a few times. They are off playing video games/ watching TV, and I am fucking steaming!!!

I just want this asshole to leave our lives until he gets his shit together. Trying to find a place for myself, my 2 boys, and my 20 year old's pregnant girlfriend is so hard! I don't know what to do; I feel trapped. He said he would leave, but he has proven to be a liar so who knows if that will actually happen

I’m (F-39) and my husband is (M-56). My daughter recently turned one, and I’m seriously considering separating from my husband. I want to talk to him about it this weekend.

We have been together for ten years, and before we had our daughter, our marriage was amazing. He was loving and kind, wrote songs for me, and made me feel cherished and loved. We experienced a second trimester miscarriage in 2024 and our daughter was born in 2025. Becoming parents was something we deeply wanted, and our life together before our daughter’s birth was mostly happy and stable. That history makes this even more difficult because I’m not making this decision lightly or forgetting the life we built together. I grieve our lost connection every minute of every day, especially when he is ride or cruel to me.

I had an unexpectedly traumatic pregnancy and childbirth. I spent 2 weeks in icu and our baby was in nicu for 10 days. I’ve had a difficult recovery with ongoing issues even now one year later.

Throughout our daughter’s first year, I’ve felt largely alone in caring for her. Getting rest, help, or any time for myself has often required repeated requests and arguments. Even when he helps, I frequently have to supervise or follow up, which leaves me feeling responsible for everything. When we first came home from the hospital, I was shocked when she cried during the night and he put in earbuds and listened to audio books. He has not stopped doing that and I quit fighting him on it. It feels like everything is a fight.

I feel exhausted 24/7 and am always low on sleep. I rarely get enough uninterrupted rest to recover, and the constant sleep deprivation is affecting my physical and emotional well-being.

Our circumstances have also changed significantly. My husband was minimally employed until our daughter was born. Because my health was so poor after the birth, he had to build a legal practice quickly, and he did. His practice is still growing, and he is now doing all of the paid work and is our sole source of income. I stay home with our daughter. He works from home and often asks me to help with paralegal tasks. I try to help, but finding time to do so while caring for a busy toddler is difficult.

My husband also has ADHD, which affects our daily life, particularly around organization, follow-through, and noise. He can be very loud while working or moving around the house, and he sometimes makes noise during times when our daughter and I need quiet, especially around bedtime and sleep. We have discussed how important protecting her sleep—and my limited opportunities to rest—is, but the same issues continue. I understand that ADHD may contribute to forgetfulness, impulsivity, difficulty regulating volume, or trouble following routines, but the impact on me and our daughter is still real. I need him to take responsibility for managing those symptoms rather than expecting me to absorb the consequences.

We have been in couples therapy since my pregnancy, but it has not helped. After each session, my husband ruminates over what was discussed and finds ways to argue his way out of taking genuine accountability. Because he is an attorney and litigates for a living, conversations often feel less like attempts to understand one another and more like arguments he is trying to win.
There have also been sharp responses, passive-aggressive behavior, and disparaging comments about me to others. I often feel that my needs aren’t important enough to be considered. The soft spot he once had for me seems to be gone, replaced by anger, hatred, or simply contempt.
Recently, despite repeated conversations about protecting our daughter’s sleep and mine, he disrupted bedtime again with unnecessary noise. It sounds small in isolation, but it brought up a year of exhaustion and feeling unheard. He apologized for how he treated me, then immediately asked me to apologize for withdrawing and not talking to him afterward.

I recognize that he has worked hard to build a practice and provide financially, especially after my health problems made it necessary for him to become our sole provider. At the same time, I am struggling with the expectation that I should care for our daughter, manage the household, assist with his growing practice, and accommodate the effects of his ADHD without consistent support or protected time to rest.

I want my daughter to grow up in a peaceful, loving home, and I need a life where my well-being matters too. I’m considering separation, but I want to think carefully about parenting, finances, and what comes next, especially because I am currently a stay-at-home parent and he is the primary income earner.

For those who have faced this with a young child, what helped you decide whether meaningful change was possible or it was time to separate?

A couple weeks ago my husband said this to me. I don’t feel anyway about it because i know him and know he doesn’t mean it in any bad way shape or form.

But i asked him why he wishes that, he said “idk i just do”

I asked what difference would it make? He said i honestly dont know.

I then said “maybe you just miss when we were dating, before we had the kids and all these new responsibilities” he said “yeah maybe”

Anyway, idk why but i just remembered this convo all of a sudden.

And im wondering if any other husbands/wives sometimes feel that way to? And if you have before, what made you feel that way?

I also would like to mention me and him both practice a “strict” religion, so we got “engaged” but never married asap, we “dated” for 7 years we were also long distance for some of it, and honestly i miss those days to because we had THE most fun.
I would travel to see him he would come see me, we would pick a destination and vacation there, and OMG the sex was AMAZING literally out of a fucking movie, we would fuck everywhere and anywhere whenever. Literal romcom vibes and sprinkle in there some 365 days lol. Romantic or rough or risky, we did it.
The sex is still amazing but yknow with kids it can be a little difficult to get the chance to have fun. Sometimes we are both so drained and tired we both decide to save it for some other time.
For me i miss the spontaneous energy.

Anyway im interested in hearing yalls stories.

My husband’s biggest fantasy is having a threesome, and now I’m wondering if I’m enough for him

My husband told me that his biggest sexual fantasy is having a threesome with me and another woman.
We’ve been together for almost 11 years. He was my first sexual partner, and I’ve never been with anyone else, whereas he had previous sexual experiences before me. I am 28 years old and he’s 32.

It all started a few weeks ago when he casually mentioned that he’d like us to watch porn or live cam shows while having sex because it was one of his fantasies. A few days later, I told him we could give it a try.

During sex, he started showing me videos of a man with two women and telling me how much he would love to experience that and how incredibly turned on he would be by it. He asked if I would enjoy it too, and I said yes, but honestly, I only said that because I didn’t want to create an awkward situation or ruin the moment.

I also asked him whether he could ever imagine having a threesome with me and another man, just to see what his reaction would be. He said he wasn’t sure, but he thought he might be open to that as well.

Since then, we’ve watched porn together a few more times. Twice, we had sex while watching it, and once or twice we just masturbated together instead, because for medical reasons we couldn’t have sex for about two weeks.
During sex, he sometimes says things like how he would have sex with the woman on the screen and makes other comments that I’m not sure I should be bothered by. On the one hand, I know these are fantasies he expresses in the heat of the moment, and in real life, I genuinely feel that he loves me. It’s almost as if a different, much kinkier side of him comes out during sex.

The thing is, I don’t know how I should feel about all of this or how I should react.
One day, during a serious conversation, I told him that I wouldn’t want to have a threesome in real life and honestly don’t think I could ever do it. He said he understood and knew it would never happen.

However, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that he wants to have sex with other women.
It makes me wonder whether I’m enough for him or whether he wishes he had something different. Maybe he’s bored with me sexually?
Over the years, he has tried introducing sex toys and other things to make our sex life more exciting. I’m quite reserved when it comes to sex, and I still have some inhibitions, although I’ve become more open with him over the past few years because he really does try his best to help me feel more comfortable and explore new things.

To give you the full picture, I’m also five months pregnant, and my self-esteem and hormones have been all over the place lately. 😅
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that he shared his fantasy with me, especially since I encouraged him to open up about it. I just don’t know how to interpret it or how I should feel about it.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I overthinking this, or is it understandable that I feel a little insecure about it?

My husband and I are going through the process of ending our marriage. We’ve been together for years, and it’s honestly hard to imagine life without him. This is someone I’ve spent practically every day with, built a life with, bought a house with, and genuinely believed I would grow old with.
I think the hardest part is realizing that the future I pictured for us isn’t going to happen. We share so much together, from our home and finances to everyday routines and memories. It’s not as simple as just breaking up and never seeing each other again.
Even though I know things haven’t been working between us, it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I’m so used to having him around, and I don’t even know what life looks like without him.
For those who have gone through a divorce or ended a long-term relationship with someone you truly thought was your person, how did you move on? How did you adjust to being alone after spending almost every day together? Does it ever stop feeling like you’re losing not only a person, but the entire future you planned together?

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9 years ago he paid for oral sex- once. Clearlyi did not leave..

Over the course of our relationship there have been a couple of blurred boundaries- no further physical acts of cheating- but we made it through.

All of these things obviously took a toll though.

5 months ago I found a text to a coworker that was too far. Joking about going in a store room. He admitted it was wrong swears nothing ever happened and it was banter - she is alao married

Anyway, that was crunch for me I couldn't risk hurt any more so I explained we needed to do some big reflection and repair or in the next 5 years I won't be here

I soon realised that porn was being used a lot (I knew he used as a kid and sporadically) but this had clearly changed to weekly maybe more.

I then also realised that the sex toy for masturbation that could also 'suck' that i saw him look at 2yrs to 18months ago was actually purchased and been around and used frequently.

Now I've tried talking about this with him ive tried asking for understanding on the use and what it does for him but its not forth coming so I am.left filling in many gaps myself.

Suddenly there was no evidence of porn for around 4 weeks nothing and I felt like we were getting closer and things were improving then one day porn Hub and xhamster reappeared. I completely spiralled lost my shit but said nothing to him. Just broke down felt like an idiot and just couldn't communicate with anyone

I feel like a fucking looser i don't know what to do

And partly thats because he can be so affectionate and loving. Like a proper good husband I dont question his love for me but i don't think its enough.

Do i really only have the choice of shut up and accept or shut up and walk away as without willingness to engage in conversation about it I dont see what other options I have...

I went into the hospital at 34w pregnant with our first baby, luckily it was all good. Husband gets really squeamish sometimes, and he held my hand the whole 2 days I was in the hospital. I was freaking out and he just looked at me and was like “I know, it hurts. You’ve got this though, I’m right here.” And he was.

We got home and he helped me shower and get dressed and made dinner and I was crying about how awful I felt and how I felt so bad he had to do everything for me and he sat on the floor beside our bed and read me our wedding vows and fed me mashed potatoes. He keeps saying every time I complain we’re one day closer to holding our baby.

I’ve never loved someone more in my whole life and I’m so grateful to be having his baby.

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I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here, I just need a place to vent. If someone happens to have a magic ball with all the answers, it would be much appreciated.

Me (31F) have been together with my husband (34M) for 9 years, married for 2. I'm currently pregnant with our second child, one we are both excited about.

We are both bisexual, and prior to getting together, have both explored relationships with the same sex. We have agreed to be monogamous, but spoken many times that if either one of us feels a desire to be with the same sex again, it can be brought up for discussion. Now onto the issue: Five weeks ago, on a Friday, my husband told me he wanted to go to a karaoke bar to sing by himself. He's done this once before, as he really enjoys singing and none of our friend group really do. I was hesitant to let him go, maybe due to pregnancy hormones I got super scared something bad might happen, he might cheat or maybe find someone else to fall in love with. He comforted me and at one point chuckled, saying "why would I throw away everything I have:" I was still kind of iffy about letting him go, but didn't want to seem overbearing, so as our eldest was at sleep-over, I came up with a plan to have a self care evening, light candles and watch a nice movie.

So off he goes, we text while he's there, and even though he sometimes takes abt 20 minutes to answer, it's not uncommon for him. At around 2am he tells me he is thinking about what to sing next and mentions a few options. I tell him I'm running a fever, he says he loves me. Then for the next two hours, none of his messages go through. I'm of course worried, and text him a few times.

Then about 4:30 he messages me and says he's walking to our new house where he was supposed to stay over, and he has no idea why none of his messages went through, must be something with his phone subscription. I'm very worried and pissed and we argue a little. I go to sleep, I guess he sleeps as well and in the morning he sends me a lot of messages saying he's sorry, it really was his phone, he loves me and is very sorry he worried me and understands why I'm upset. He also says he didn't have a nice time, it was a little boring, and tells me he wants to be with me, he doesn't want to lose me and just generally all these super nice things.

Everything is okay, I go pick him and our child up and we go out to dinner. In the evening, I don't know why or what made me suspicious for no reason, but we have a completely open phone policy, and while usually we don't check up on each other, but for some reason I get this idea to check his Google Timeline, which shows he left the bar around 2 am, went by car to a random address, stayed there for two hours and walked to the new house.

I confront him immediately, I ask him what's in the address, and he asks for his phone, stares for the address for a bit and just says "nothing happened". I can see the panic in him, and I feel like I want to throw up. Initially he says he met a guy, went to his apartment to drink some more and left. When I asked if they kissed, he said yes, but nothing more. When I ask him again, this turns into him going to the guys apartment, kissing and starting to give him a blowjob, then panicking and leaving. This is the version I have for a few hours, when he panics and cries, I am completely frozen in emotion. I am in total shock, it's like my worst nightmare came true. While he was saying he's thinking of what to sing next, he was actually already in a taxi. When he told me loved me he was at the guys apartment.

Finally, hours later, he says okay, and gives me what I think is the whole truth. He tells me they actually took their clothes off downstairs, went down on each other on the couch, and then continued upstairs to the bedroom. They kept going down on each other, some extreme foreplay and eventually my husband came in the man's mouth - all unprotected. He told me didn't want the whole truth to be true, and was in full panic mode. The reason for this, according to him, was that the homosexual feelings had started to emerge back some months ago, and he had tried to suppress them as best he could because he resented having those thoughts. He didn't want to tell me because he just simply wanted them to go away. So when the man approached him in the bar, it was purely physical, he had absolutely no emotion or felt nothing except sex appeal to the man. He also told me as soon as he came, he panicked and left, telling the man he can't do this. The man tried to give his phone number, but he didn't write it down. He also gave the man a fake name. I asked him if he would've told me, he said yes, latest when we would've moved to having sex, as he couldn't have let me touch him while pregnant without knowing if he caught a disease.

Obviously I was shocked, repulsed, anxious..... every possible emotion you can think of. He slept on the couch, I cried myself to sleep in our bedroom. The next day he told me he regrets everything he did, realises he has royally screwed up and is willing to do anything to make me forgive him. He booked an appointment with two therapists for us, one "normal" and one who specialises in sex therapy.

Unfortunately the timing wasn't great for this, as two days later his mother came to stay with us for a week since we were moving. He told his mother what he had done, so it wouldn't be awkward for me to fake being okay at any point. Obviously, his mother was terrified and disgusted but said she wishes we can work things out. In therapy, we had decided to move together to the new house, as we had sold our one. The move itself went okay, and he went back to sleeping on the sofa.

We have since had a lot of very difficult conversations. He has relayed every single minute, every single thing they said to each other, every action, every act to me by my request. I wanted to know everything, because I couldn't bear the fact that there was still something that was hidden from me. He has also taken every single emotion - anger, hate, devastation, sorrow and dealt with them well. He keeps saying he never stopped loving me, he never wanted to leave or destroy anything, he just wanted to experience being with a man. He hadn't planned it out, hadn't sought the man's attention and was not at all interested in ever seeing the man again. I actually made my husband find the man online to see what they looked like (because I was terrified of running into him somewhere with my family), and he did, but cried and vomited out of panic at the same time. He says he feels so awful it's become like a trauma to him, and I can visibly see him getting anxious every time we talk about this. Still he does, because he understands I need to.

He has also taken more responsibilities at home, even though he was a fantastic father and spouse before, but has now stepped up even more. He also has an alarm twice a day, where he will remember to talk about his feelings, especially the hard ones, to me.

In addition, he says he no longer feels any sort of homosexual feelings. Instead, when asked about it in therapy, he has said he identifies as a heterosexual, something our therapist says is possible. Apparently the experience being so awful (not only because of his guilt, but also because according to him it just wasn't good), it might've shifted his entire way of thinking, although the therapist says this doesn't really matter, either he is or isn't.

On the surface now, we are okay. We talk a lot more, about more difficult things as well. We have weekly therapy sessions, we are focusing on raising our child and he is with me at every prenatal appointment. He has moved back in to our bedroom, and reads me bedtime stories every night I ask. He also tells me reasons he loves me, is sensitive to all my moods and continues being consistent in his story of what happened and why.

But here's the issue. I worry I'm still in shock, and can't process what has actually happened. I worry I will continue our marriage, stay with him and then at some point start regretting it. I worry I will waste my life being paranoid, even though a small voice inside me says he hasn't cheated before, and due to his reaction now is unlikely to cheat again. I was always one of those people who adamantly said cheating is a huge deal-breaker for me, and no one with the ability to cheat in a relationship is salvageable, and instead should be frowned upon for their despicable actions.

I can't believe he became such a cliché, cheating on me while I'm pregnant. In addition all his actions surrounding the whole night, the way he lied while he was there, just....everything. I want to hate him and tell him to bag his bags, but I can't help loving him at the same time, and seeing how much of an effort he is making. What's really scary is that sometimes I feel completely normal, and feel I can be at ease of him straying. Other times I'm disgusted again.

Is there any way of working forward from this? Will I regret staying, am I just wasting my time?

Very often I am eating and my husband is still cooking his meal (he doesn’t like the same things as me and I get up at 4:50am and don’t get home from work until 5:30pm but he works from home and gets up at 830am and gets off work at 5pm) and while he is cooking if my mouth is full or if I don’t respond fast enough he will continue to repeat what he’s saying until I respond. Tonight he was scrolling his phone while I was in the kitchen and I asked him something several times until he responded. He responded by screaming at me that he’s looking at his phone. We had a good day so it hurt my feelings so I told him he hurt my feelings, he told me no he didn’t scream at me and then he canceled our plans tomorrow night with my brother that I was looking forward to. So then I described what he does when I’m not listening and that I don’t scream at him because I know it would hurt his feelings. So he brought up other things like if I’m in the middle of a text message and he keeps bothering me that I tell him to hold on. That’s not the same. I don’t scream at him like he did me. I asked him why can’t he just apologize for hurting my feelings instead of turning it into an argument. He said he’s not going to apologize because he did nothing wrong. He still thinks he’s right and I’m wrong. Am I wrong?

I was never like this when I was younger. I was actually completely opposite and had very low sex drive. My loving husband is 49. He is very kind and the best. He had high sex drive when he was younger but now I guess lowered a little due to his age? Sex once every few days are probably his ideal but I want sex everyday multiple times a day. Honestly I cannot believe myself but I want sex 3-4 times a day if I can. I am soo horny all the time. I see other man and fantasise about them. I have thought of wanting to try have sex with other guys but……in reality, I really don’t want to go down that road…. Oh my god… I am going insane.

any advice you would like to give me? is it easy or hard?

I found out my husband cheated on me two days ago. I’m at a loss but I had a gut feeling already. I am 3 months pp and have a 2 yr old. He was in a long term relationship with the girl for 3 months. Make the math. I’ve never been so hurt in my life and I truly never saw this coming. I don’t know what to do my brain tells me to leave but it’s so hard to leave a long term relationship just like that. Having so many memories together and it all just goes down the drain. Do you think it’s salvageable? I honestly do want to save this but right now I just can’t seem to get my emotions in check. Please give me advice I truly need it right now

I {28F} and my husband, well soon to be ex-husband {45M} are getting a divorce. I believe I chose the wrong partner and it sucks. The reason we are getting a divorce is a combination of many things but we definitely rushed into marriage way too quickly. I knew we did not have much in common, but he would tell me opposites attract. He does not really have much of a personality to be honest. His perfect day would be to come in from work and lay on the couch and play video games everyday. Before we got married, he did everything that I like to do such as working out, being outside in nature, traveling, going to church, etc. Then he bought me a huge rock, said I was the perfect women and everything was great. However, about six months into the marriage I started to see the real him and I realized that this is not who I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Me and my husband have had other relationships before each other, but I seem to be more sexually experienced than him. He’s acts like a teenage boy when we have sex. We were intimate before we got married and the sex was pretty vanilla, but for some reason, I thought it would get more spicy when we got married. We never did oral or tried any position other than missionary and doggystyle. I don’t think he realized how much I enjoy having sex. So when I asked him to eat me, he got really weird about it. And by weird I mean he said he “needed time”. So in my head, I thought that he did not like me down there. Which was different because I’ve never received that response before. We’ve been married for over a year now and it took him about maybe 5 to 6 months to actually eat me after me consistently asking. And when he did, he hurt me. He said ‘this is why he did not want to do it because he gets all in his head about it’.

So I said, what are you getting in your head about? Your wife wants you to eat her because it is something that she enjoys. Full transparency I have gave him head multiple times no problem. He states he has an issue with bodily fluid. This was new to me! He doesn’t even like putting his hand on my vagina. When I found out all of this, I couldn’t believe who I married. I have had some great sex in my life and some amazing oral sex and I married a man who won’t even look at me down there.

It was to the point when we were starting to have sex it would be so awkward because I would think ‘oh here we go again the same doggy style position’. I would have to think about the guy I was talking to before we got married. We’ll call him ‘that guy’. Well me and that guy had the most crazy kinetic energy I’ve ever felt in my life. He was a pleaser and basically worshiped my body. That guy would eat me until my soul shook. I mean literally, I felt like we morphed into one. I never came that hard in my entire life. But that guy had to leave for a job in another country and I cannot stop thinking about him. Sexual compatibility is a big thing for me and my husband wants me to look past this ‘one thing’ but I can’t.

So I say all of this to say, am I making mistake for leaving my husband or am I just a terrible freaky person. Btw, there’s many other reasons why I’m leaving, but I don’t think this is the community for that. So if you have any other questions, please ask away.