We dated for 5 years then I was forced to get married by my wifes mother because its been 5 years already. I said no at first but my wife was like no we have to get married and fast forward to today we’ve been married for about a year. I have a single mom so I bought a house and brought my mother with us. She doesn’t bother anyone and minds her own business. She also will not get involved in our problems because I taught her not to. Basically my wife refuses to pay any bills or do anything around the house because she says its not her house and my mother’s house. So I have to cook, pay the mortgage and clean around the house time to time. I’m tired… I asked her even if you don’t want to pay the bills can you put $500 or $1000 a month into an etf and let it grow over 20 years. She stated no because her mom doesn’t believe in investing and to put it in a piggy bank. She is constantly on call with her mom and her sister everyday rather than being so called “married”. She tells me to act my age (27) and that I act old but I simply have no desire to go out to bars and drink and smoke weed. I have goals in life that I want to accomplish and I don’t want to be like every other 27 year old. Theres some other values that we don’t align with like raising a kid. I goto her house and her sister will be playing gay movies around kids who are like 8-12 years old. I told her thats not something you should be showing kids to my wife and she defended her sister saying its 2026 our kids can be gay if they want to be. Nothing wrong if my kid is gay after a certain age but I feel like thats not good parenting. Another instance we went to a wedding reception and when I went there she was at the bar for 4 hours straight while I sat down. Nothing wrong with getting lit but its a bad look on me if my wife is at the bar just dancing and drinking. I tried to have a conversation with her the next day and she stated what its my cousins wedding what are you talking about I’m trying to get lit. So I gave up on that as well. She called the cops on me last week because I was in the middle of the bed and wouldn’t move over. I told her I can sleep here if I want you have more than enough space. I feel like I married/dated a child but I’m honestly tired of her just telling her problems to her whole family. We have been married for a year and half.

From a husbands perspective, if you work for over a month do you think 400-500$ enough for your wife to spend on anything she wants or needs? Personal food is on the credit card tho.

I need to learn how to talk dirty to my husband in a spicey, flirty way to spice things up. Where can I learn this without paying for a month subscription?

My husband is out of town, he works all week out of state and gets to be home on the weekends as of right now.

He works very hard and long hours. Dangerous job. Our life outside of that hasn't been easy lately. The kids are busy with their extracurriculars and the normal every day drama that comes with having a teen and pre teen. Very dear family members are in the hospital, and its also a rough time because it has been a year since his only parent died.

I'm also not doing well mentally emotionally or physically. Very stressed. And I know he picks up on it and it probably effects him more than he lets on.

So I decided today that I am going to surprise him try make sure the house is absolutely spotless, and get all dressed up Friday night, I made arrangements for the kids, and I'm planning on cooking a special dinner, maybe steak?

I guess my question is, guys, what would be your dream date at home? Any dinner ideas? I was thinking maybe we could watch some movies on the couch but are there any other fun activities(other than the obvious haha) that I could plan to do?

I just want it to be special and show him how much I appreciate him, give him a night just for him just because. I don't want to mess it up.

Edited to say: I'll take advice from the ladies too 🥲

I am curious peoples thoughts on this. I have 1 photo of my wife in her wedding dress in my desk in my cubicle. I never see photos of anyone else’s spouses really. Is it considered frowned upon? Thanks

Basically the title. I feel like I'm done, but not 100% ready to make it official. We are in therapy, my spouse is putting effort into making changes, but nothing is making me feel less hurt or warm up to them more. Im afraid all my romantic love for them is gone.

Anytime been through this and made it work? If so, how? Any tips? Thanks.

I’ve posted and deleted in here before. New problem - I go through phases where I have a crush on my husband. Right when I think I’m fully settled in, something happens, so tiny, and I fall in love/have a crush again. I’ve been a typical man-hater for most of my adult life (faced a lot of abuse, assault and generally just wary of them). I came into this with my guard partially up (he already took some down before we got married). I feel the most sexually attracted to him in moments after emotional intimacy (completely new for me, never experienced that before). I find myself thinking about being a better partner, facing arguments/issues while acknowledging his side of things, and making almost every decision with him/our future in mind. I’m a very emotionally damaged person (I’ve worked very hard to be emotionally stable, am in therapy etc) and he has so much patience for me that I almost feel bad that he has to deal with me. Sometimes I’ll ramble about my thoughts for a while and realize I’ve been rambling and apologize, and he’ll say something like “it’s fine, it’s like my podcast is on”. I told him I didn’t want to keep talking about issues we were having bc I didn’t want to be a nag/a nagging wife, and he said he’s pretty sure “nag” was made up by men who hated their wives. He is so far from perfect but I feel so comfortable and happy, much more than I’m used to, to the point that it feels overwhelming. I told him the other day that when I’m with him I feel like I’m naked all the time, just exposed. This is such a new thing for me. Do men ever have crushes on their wives?

I’m not married but it just sounds like SO much work. Most marriages end up in a divorce and there’s a lot of traumatic experiences along the way.

Maybe this sounds crazy but a marriage is so strange. You share EVERYTHING with this person - your bed, your secrets, your moods, your days. I’m not married yet but in a committed relationship with someone I like a lot but even then the thought of having spent 27 years being super independent and having my space (I LOVE my me-time), I will have to share it with him once we get married in the future. Really gives me the chills

I've heard people talk about desire changing with stress, sleep, hormones, or just different stages of life.

For people who've experienced it, did you know why it was happening? How did it affect your marriage / how did you solve this?

Not sure I’ll keep this up long- but I just wanted to point out how happy I am now. A month ago i was deeply depressed with our sex life. It had basically gone down to one or 2 times every 2-3 months. We would love each other in other ways of course: her love language is cooking and shopping for me, mine is giving her massages, cleaning the house, and taking care of my sons entire physical activity/schedule/education. Of course that meant often times she’s in the kitchen while I’m in the living room with our son.

Then at night he always wanted to sleep in our bed. He had been an independent sleeper before but he got really sick at one point and moved back into bed with us. I finally had enough- i put my foot down and moved him out.

It was rough- about 2 weeks of non stop complaining. But he slept independent on vacation and also in his own bed now for a month.

Last weekend was my birthday and my wife surprised me with: sex. I had told her all I wanted for my birthday was to spend time together. I was getting ready to mow the lawn and she caught me as I was getting out the door and dragged me to our guest bed room before proceeding to fuck the brains out of me. It was…awesome. We always use towels because she is a squirter but we forgot this time.

It felt like a nice treat. I went and mowed, got the family ready for the day, and we went out. Then, that night, we did it again. Then the next morning again. Later that night, again. Then, she stayed home from work and pulled me in to fuck her over and over in the morning while she had an hour away from work.

Last night she waited till I came to bed from work and jumped all over me again. She started to dominate me in a way she hasn’t done in a long time. Then, after we both showered and went to bed, she started reaching into my boxers and squeezing my balls and massaging me before falling asleep.

Idk what the hell is going on but I’m going to ride this high until it ends. Hopefully it doesn’t but hey here we are.

• Whenever she stays at a resort, she cleans it before settling in - reloading all the dishes in the washer, spraying the furniture and carpet, wiping down counters and cabinets and bathrooms, cleaning light switches to baseboards to remotes.

• She throws her dirty laundry *beside* the hamper and tends to let it pile up, yet pays attention to what needs to be drycleaned or handwashed and makes sure things are perfectly pressed.

• She always listens to music and sometimes doesn't hear people talking to her. Needs a lot of alone time, yet needs feedback when she talks.

• Always running late to things.

• Super artistic and creative. Polymath. But different projects laying everywhere. Knitting project on the lampstand, half finished dress shoved in the corner, embroidery laying on the couch.

Just some of the lesser traits. These are in no way a summary. How tolerable are these negative traits?

To get it out of the way first: yes, I know I am to blame too. I struggle with restraint, I engaged in unprotected sex, and I own my part in this. But I am just so damn angry, frustrated, and exhausted right now. I honestly regret marrying her. I actually tried to avoid ending up with her, but I just wanted to get married, get it over with, and settle down. Looking back, that was completely stupid of me.

She is the type of person who literally cannot be corrected. Whenever I try to point something out or guide her on something, it instantly turns into an argument. She has this deep-seated ignorance and takes critical issues so casually, and it makes me terrified for our three children and how this behavior is going to impact them growing up.

I have always insisted that she get on family planning, but she has always found some excuse to avoid it. Because of that stubbornness, she gave birth to an unplanned child back in mid-2025. Then, just two months ago at the end of July, she had to go through an abortion. And now, barely two months later, she is pregnant again.

What kills me is the sheer, blinding hard-headedness of it all, even when the consequences are 100% certain and right in our faces.

I'm sitting here wondering: is it even safe to get another abortion barely two months after procuring the last one?

I just needed to get this off my chest because I have nowhere else to put this weight.

My husband called me out of my name this morning and I’m having a hard time getting over it….

He called me a bitch and an ignorant idiot.

I don’t think the context is super important, but I was getting ready for work and he was upset because our cat had peed on something (I clean the litter box multiple times a day, she’s been checked for UTI and she’s fine). Anyway, he accused me of not caring that she peed on something. Which is not true at all. Again, I clean her litter box multiple times a day.
Also, to put into perspective we moved and he hasn’t had work in 3 months so he’s home. So…. He could clean her box too?

I just… can’t get over being called those names. I don’t even want to be around him… I’m actively avoiding him at the moment. Is there something I can do/say?

Im on reddit as one last attempt for advice on my marriage. Married for 19 years, kids are teenagers. Been struggling to keep marriage healthy and alive. Best i can describe it is we are great roommates, we get along for most part but the romance part is non existent. I don't think we have even hugged in 9 months. No efforts on either side. Most recently he went on a business trip and was gone for 5 days. I dropped him off at the airport and he got out and waved and said goodbye. His co worker dropped him off on return and again no hug or anything. He was chatty and told me about his trip, even got me a gift. I dont get why physical touch stopped 9 months ago. Id say we stopped sex years ago but still hugged or held hands. Counseling didnt work for us. I've talked to him before about problems but its always my fault or he puts up a wall so I just stopped. Any advice before I start looking at parting ways.

Men, when a woman makes more income than you, does this make you feel insecure? Less of a man? Do you tend to resent her for making more? There is a lot of dialogue I've seen about how men resent women when they make more and that it can be emasculating. I don't see a lot of dialogue with men who are with high net worth women, saying that they are proud of their wife or partner and that their income has little negative effect on their relationship. Unless I've missed it or they've chosen to stay silent.

I'm particularly interested in hearing from men who are actually living this experience rather than what people assume men feel.

That’s all. Just wanted to let everyone know.

I got married at 20 after knowing my husband for barely a year. We were sooo in love back then, literally did everything together, talked all day and couldn't stand being apart. Now I'm 25 and idk if it's just me but things have changed so much and it hurts. My husband works a lot and I get that he's tired. He always says he's working hard so we can have a good life together and I appreciate that but lately I feel like he just wants a wife who stays home, doesn't spend too much money and doesn't ask for attention. Like he loves coming home to me, having dinner ready and all that but idk sometimes I feel like that's all he wants from me. It's been over a week since we had sex and I'm losing my mind lol. Even when we do, he finishes and that's it, doesn't really care if I do. I've basically been taking care of myself with my WhisperRabbit because otherwise idk what I'd do... But it's not even about sex anymore. I just miss feeling wanted. I've tried talking to him and he always says it's work and stress, which I try to understand but then I see him laughing and having fun with his friends while he barely talks to me when we're alone. Like did I do something wrong?? I don't expect him to be all over me 24/7 but I also don't wanna beg my own husband for attention. Part of me feels selfish because he's working hard for us but I'm so unhappy lately.. Am I being dramatic or is this just what marriage becomes after a few years?

Marriage is about so much more than just staying together. It’s about continuing to choose each other, even when life gets hard.
Sometimes, the biggest problems in a marriage aren’t the loud arguments or the obvious signs that something is wrong. Sometimes, it’s the silence, the distance, the lack of effort, and the little things that slowly build up over time.
It’s when one person feels like they’re carrying the weight of the relationship while the other doesn’t even realize how heavy it’s become. It’s feeling unheard, unappreciated, unwanted, or taken for granted by the very person who is supposed to make you feel loved and valued.
Actions speak louder than words. You can say you love someone, but love has to show up in the everyday moments. It’s in the effort, the consideration, the affection, the communication, and the willingness to make your partner feel like they still matter.
A marriage cannot thrive when one person is constantly trying to fix what both people helped create. It takes two people willing to listen, acknowledge their shortcomings, put their pride aside, and make a genuine effort to reconnect.
The hardest part is that sometimes people don’t realize how far apart they’ve grown until the distance feels impossible to ignore. Resentment builds. Connection fades. And the person who once felt like your safe place can slowly become the person you feel most alone beside.
The truth is, you shouldn’t have to beg for the basics in a relationship. You shouldn’t have to repeatedly explain why affection, appreciation, communication, and effort matter. Those things aren’t unreasonable expectations. They’re part of what makes a marriage feel like a partnership rather than simply two people sharing a life.
No marriage is perfect. Every relationship has difficult seasons. But there’s a difference between going through a difficult season together and feeling like you’re going through it alone.
Never underestimate the power of checking in with your partner, showing appreciation, offering affection, listening without becoming defensive, or simply asking, “Are you truly happy? Is there something I can do better? What do you need from me?”
Sometimes, the smallest changes can make the biggest difference. But those changes have to be genuine, consistent, and made by both people.
Don’t wait until your partner stops asking, stops explaining, or stops trying before you recognize that something needs to change. Sometimes, silence doesn’t mean everything is okay. Sometimes, it means someone has grown tired of trying to be heard.
Love is important, but love without effort can leave people feeling incredibly lonely.
Choose each other. Appreciate each other. Listen to each other. And never become so comfortable having someone in your life that you forget to make them feel wanted in it.
Because a marriage isn’t sustained by the years you’ve spent together. It’s sustained by the care, respect, connection, and effort you continue to give each other along the way. ❤️

I’m in a spot in my life where marriage seems like a real possibility, but I want to make sure it’s for the right reasons. Spouses of reddit, why did you get married?

My wonderful husband and I are coming up on our second anniversary together. We both agreed on small gifts because we are planning a nice dinner and some weekend plans. My husband is the absolute best man I have ever met. He's deeply intelligent and analytical. He does wood working, he's a handyman, does 3D printing projects, and is going to school for an engineering program. Issue is with gift giving....Im not good at figuring out small romantic gifts. All he ever wants is tools and things for his hobbies and I feel like Claire from Modern Family when I buy him things. I feel like Im so terrible at it. I've looked up ideas online and it just reccomends beard kits, whisky items, and wallets... I wanted to give him a Lego set (he loves building sets) but its outside the budget. It doesn't need to be some big substantial thing. I just don't want to buy the man filament for his 3D printer lol I would love any insight and advice. If it helps, he doesn't drink at all, has plenty of wallets, and is a very low maintenance man. He just likes to build things and is basically a mountain man crossed with a golden retriever.

Let me begin by saying that this marriage did not start off in a good spot. I was hesitant to get married because we had a few things to work and then also, I (27f) was newly pregnant and suffering from hyperemesis graviderum (severe morning sickness). I wanted to push our wedding date back and he (30m) did not support me in that decision and actually threw me under the bus to his family about it. So ultimately, we got married. I spent my entire wedding day throwing up and couldn’t even enjoy the dinner because I was so sick. I found out later through conversation with my husband that he was scared if we didn’t get married, I wouldn’t have married him at all. There are absolutely no fond memories tied to that experience or that day. I actually resent it but whatever, we are married and I guess that’s all that matters to him.

I’ve resolved my feelings for the most part about that day but again, us being married didn’t fix anything. Our wedding was like 3 months ago and I’m now like 20 weeks pregnant. One thing to understand about me, my stability is incredibly important to me. I have a really chaotic and traumatic past and I’ve worked really hard to heal from that and am still currently in therapy. My husband can be really immature and naive at times and it really frustrates me. I feel like he reacts out of anxiety or he doesn’t think things through even when I’m telling him what an outcome will be because I’ve gone through it. Even though he is extremely helpful and loving and caring, I still feel like I am the one doing the mental labor in the relationship. I feel like he argues with me even when he’s dead wrong because of ego. Then, he won’t give me any space. Like he won’t go spend a weekend with his family alone because he doesn’t want to leave me which makes me feel like it’s out of insecurity in our relationship. This has all affected my sexual desire and it kills me because we have really good sex. Like really good sex but the desire is Diminishing from all these little things. Lastly, I’m touched tf out. Like I’m so happy that my husband is attracted to me but like I want to be able to chill and cuddle without being sexualized. This was an issue before we got pregnant and it was bad because he would try to have sex with me in my sleep. It was super annoying.

Anyways, I don’t like feeling like this and I don’t want my husband to feel like I don’t want him because I do. But these little things are becoming a bigger issue and I feel like I’m not taken seriously when I bring it up to him and how this correlates to our lack of a sex life. Advice from people married or who have been married, are we doomed?

Infidelity!!!

Hi guys,

I'd cut the chase.

I have donE wrong - I cheated, and got caught. AGAIN

Over the last year and half or so, my marriage hasn't been great. Prior to that, from about 2020 there have been issues around the bedroom!

I feel I have voiced out about this well enough but it was not being addressed properly - maybe from both parties.

In June last year, my affairs at the time were exposed openly - i confessed and we tried to make it work. In the first few weeks, things felt great - the sex was suddenly constant, risque etc. I felt more desired in a space of 2 weeks than I did in many years put together.

Anyways, forward to a few months later - things went back to the unfavourable normal. I wasn't sure how to handle it - but I was happy to go with the flow and put in the work required to prove I can be faithful.

I work away - happy to share location, happy to take a camera with me while I stayed over in London. I was happy to do all this and to be honest it didn't feel too hard.

However, I began to feel undesired again at home - I'd initiate and as usual I'd get the usual 'back to me' duty sex (I now understand maybe i was asking for too much too soon)

Over time, I stopped asking and unfortunately relapsed - went on dating sites, met and chatted with some women and met up with 2 (whom i was intimate with once)

I have been outspoken of my feelings - sometimes I feel I need to get out of my marriage but I don't want to for the sake of my kids - and my OH is a good decent human being.

Now that my secret is out - I just don't know what to do.

A part of me feels just accept it that this marriage isn't for you - we may be good parents but not good partners (it hurts me to type that)

I also feel I have let a lot of people down, just over a year after my last fuck up!!!

This eats me deep....I can't even bring myself to have the conversation with my wife. I am so nervous and physically sick. I can imagine its same for her.

I dont know how to navigate this....I am 39yrs old, married for 11yrs....

Any advice would be appreciated

There are a few things that make me skeptical about marriage and this is one of them. Something I’ve heard a lot is “my partner used to actually try before we got married and then soon after we tied the knot and they trapped me, they just stopped trying”. Could be for anything, self maintenance, romance, etc. I might be better asking in the marriage advice or divorce subs but I figured I’d try asking here first.

My husband and I have separate finances, and he earns significantly more than I do. I currently don’t have a car and need to wait until my credit improves before I can finance another one. I have a good driving record, but he won’t let me drive his car.
We live in an area primarily because of his job, where having a car is practically necessary. Ubers add up quickly.
I also don’t feel safe riding with him because he gets road rage and tailgates other cars, so relying on him for transportation isn’t an option I’m comfortable with.
I understand it’s his car, but it’s frustrating that he’s comfortable with me having such limited independence, especially when we live here because of his career. I unfortunately don’t have family or friends near as we moved away from my home state to be closer to his.
Am I unreasonable for expecting more consideration from my spouse, even with separate finances?

Ehe in der Verzweiflung
Ich bin echt verzweifelt. Mein Mann und ich kommen einfach nicht mehr miteinander klar. Ich bin total traurig.
Er ist wirklich zu einem Grantler geworden. Wir sind seit 14 Jahren zusammen. Als wir uns kennengelernt haben, haben wir uns auf den ersten Blick verliebt. Er war so sympathisch und lustig. Ich wusste direkt: Das ist mein Mann und der Vater meiner Kinder. Ich habe nie daran gezweifelt.
Aber mittlerweile habe auch ich mich verändert, da bin ich mir sicher. Ich versuche wirklich, mich selbst zu reflektieren und nicht nur die Schuld bei ihm zu suchen. Aber aus meiner Sicht habe ich verdammt viel mitgemacht.
Ich war und bin nie eine Trinkerin gewesen. Er hingegen ist leider immer weiter in den Alkohol gerutscht. Das hat in unserer Ehe und Beziehung sehr viel kaputtgemacht. Ich glaube, dass vieles von dem, was heute zwischen uns steht, seinen Ursprung darin hat.
Er hat mich immer wieder belogen, ist nächtelang weggeblieben und bei der Geburt unseres ersten Kindes sogar abgehauen, weil er das Fußballspiel nicht verpassen wollte. Er kam nicht einmal am nächsten Morgen ins Krankenhaus, um uns zu besuchen, weil er betrunken war.
Bei der Geburt unseres zweiten Kindes ist er zum Glück geblieben und hat uns direkt mit nach Hause genommen.
Ich war lange Zeit verbittert. Ich glaube, dass ich durch all das eine Art Trauma davongetragen habe. Es hat mich mehr geprägt, als ich vielleicht selbst wahrhaben wollte.
Doch er hat aufgehört zu trinken. Seit zwei Jahren hat er keinen Alkohol mehr angerührt. Ich dachte, dass jetzt alles besser werden würde, dass wir endlich wieder zueinanderfinden und unsere Ehe heilen kann.
Aber stattdessen wird er immer zickiger und gereizter. Es ist kaum noch auszuhalten.
Ich träume immer wieder von einer schöneren Zeit, von dem Mann, in den ich mich damals verliebt habe, und von einer glücklichen Familie. Ich wünsche mir so sehr, dass wir wieder zueinanderfinden, aber ich weiß langsam nicht mehr, wie ich das schaffen soll.
Ich bin erst 33 Jahre alt und habe keine Ahnung, was ich tun soll. Ich weiß nur, dass ich so nicht für immer weitermachen möchte. Gleichzeitig fällt es mir unglaublich schwer, loszulassen, weil ich mich noch immer an die schönen Zeiten erinnere und mir wünsche, dass wir wieder glücklich werden können.