Are there ppl who are aromantic not because they don't feel romantic attraction, but because they feel it too intensely for it to be sustainable?

Like, the almost inevitable breakup is such a painful experience that why even bother trying

(M25) Hey everyone, there's something I've been thinking about for a long time, and I want to ask you about it because I still can't find a reasonable answer. These thoughts have been seriously affecting my mental health.

I've been identifying as bisexual for a while now. I think I've felt this way for about 6–7 years. However, even though I've had romantic and sexual relationships with women in the past, I've never felt "romantic attraction" toward a man. Just so you don't misunderstand me, I'm definitely not homophobic. I've simply never felt "that feeling" toward someone of the same sex.

I enjoy solo anal play, and I recently bought myself a dildo that I use for pleasure. I'm into kinks, bondage, BDSM, and especially CNC (consensual non-consent). Imagining myself in these situations turns me on even more. Every time, I think, "I wish I could actually experience something like this," and I masturbate while imagining it. Recording videos of myself during solo play and watching them later turns me on incredibly much.

I've been with someone before, and that experience was extremely pleasurable and fun. Sometimes I have really extreme fantasies, and since I'm not currently sexually active with anyone, I act them out in my imagination while playing with myself, pretending that they're actually happening.

But sometimes, afterward, I feel like what I'm doing is somehow wrong. And because I've never felt romantic attraction toward a man, I can't stop wondering, "Is there something wrong with me?"

Is any of this wrong? Is it weird? Am I a pervert?

I'd really like to hear your thoughts, experiences, if you have any, and advice on this. I'm honestly tired of being stuck in this endless loop of thoughts.

(I understand using these kind of labels is bad and I apologize I don’t mean to cause any trouble or harm)

So I’m a cisgender femme lesbian and recently I have been dating someone that is bi and nonbinary. However, they are also AMAB and masc-presenting as they appear feminine on rare occasions. I once posted a photo of us on Twitter and TikTok, and it’s been an influx of people not only calling me a “fakebian” and a “closeted bisexual”, but also calling my partner “a creepy man pretending to be nonbinary to get with a lesbian”.

These comments have me thinking if I really am bisexual because I am attracted to both women and nonbinary people regardless of their AGAB, and I am attracted to fictional characters, but I hold absolutely no sexual and romantic attraction to men in real life. Like for example, I like Leon Kennedy but if he were real and asked me out I would quickly say no. 

Does this truly make me a lesbian or am I bisexual? Again I’m sorry if I framed this question in an odd way, I just need the honest truth. Because on one hand I hear people say that “lesbian is a woman/nonbinary person attracted to strictly other woman/nonbinary people” and on another I hear people say “lesbian is a biological woman attracted to strictly biological women.” And with so much discourse online surrounding lesbians, it’s the one label that defines me the best but I could be wrong.

I posted here 1 week ago that I left my home because my identity was leaked to my family and friends. Local WhatsApp groups have been spreading my photos so that they find me and possibly kill me. I am now in a nearby town 70km from my home. You guys have suggested me to some queer NGO rescue and help groups. I contacted them and they did not respond. Some of the people who saw my post dmed me and offered financial help and encouraged me to not give up.i truly thank you guys for the support. My next step right now is to hide as much as possible and get further away from my family as I rebuild my life. I will keep you guys updated...

18f if that's relevant. i don't understand why people date for the sake of dating rather than waiting for someone they actually like being with, or why people chase romance and sex. i feel like it's not that important in life and there are so many other ways to feel fulfilled. the first time and the second time i had sex were 2 years apart, and they happened at all because i liked those people enough to actually want that with them. when i first had sex i just thought "that's it?" and it was never a big deal to me again. i've never been in a relationship because i rarely encounter someone that checks all my boxes, and the 2 times i did, it just didn't work out that way. i never actively look for people and i think the time people spend doing so could be used in much better ways. if i find someone for that stuff, it's always by chance. sex and romance are nice when they happen, but i would feel fine and just as happy if i had neither for the rest of my life. the concept of finding a life partner is unimportant and even unappealing to me at times.

i don't identify with being demisexual/demiromantic, because liking someone enough to go in the direction of love or sex isn't necessarily related to how much of a bond i've formed with them. in the 2 cases i had, i realized i was interested before i became close with them.

i could be wrong but i feel like i'm in the minority in terms of my general thoughts on these things, so that's what makes me wonder whether i'm potentially on the aro/ace spectrum or if it's just that i have a different perspective in life.

Hello💓 I'm planned to have an advocacy about my fellow lgbt community. (About oppression and discrimination
Its supposed to have a quick overview of the topic, some cause and effects, verified research articles, actual experiences/stories from victims of this crime as evidences, 2 possible solutions, a very important quote about the lgbt, and why should we give more attention to it.

Asking for help💓 if you have any ideas or self answer for some please drop them!

And if you do have experiences, pls do share them if you're comfortable🥹 and how much does it affect you?

Website resources recommendations would be appreciated💓

(Im part of this community, I just want to know how others think and experiences r like💓🤏)

I mean this as a genuine question even though I'm omniromantic/omnisexual I personally can't understand being physically attracted to women, (whether male or female) Mostly due to the way I was raised,

(I'm a female myself and was raised to think women in general are unattractive and unworthy of respect, I do not believe this and never have! but it still made me subconsciously feel like women, including myself were incapable of being loved)

So with all due respect, could you please tell me what it's like being lesbian? Or just like being attracted to women physically? Please don't take this in the wrong way, I really do want to know.

I’ve always felt emotionally and sexually comfortable to and attracted to women, but part of me is wondering now that I’ve gotten older if I should try and experiment with a man just to learn more about myself. I identify as lesbian and have for years. I don’t know if it’s just loneliness making me feel this way, but I thought it might not hurt just to really understand myself.

I hesitate because men generally make me nervous and I don’t trust them too much because of my past with them. I was wondering if anyone’s been in my situation or a similar one and has some advice ?

Part of me feels a little reserved about it because I’ve already had a (drinking) male friend argue with me about not believing I’m actually lesbian because I’ve been hurt by men in the past (most of which were only interested in involving themselves with me, not the other way around), so I guess I’m also worried he’ll assume lesbians are faking it if I do end up being open to being with men. I know it shouldn’t impact me, but he’s one of my few close friends and it made me feel a hurt and insulted that he had those kind of thoughts about me in his head.

I have been looking for the meaning of any flag lately bc i was curious heh, but then, I came across the opinion that straight people shouldn’t have a flag and, idk guys im new here I just want to understand this 😭😭 its because its offensive?

So this happened a while ago IRL but i only recently discovered this sub so i would like to share this.
My friend (lets call him "Robert") was talking to one of his friends (lets call him "John"). i was there too. We were talking about something about getting married or something when i accidentally said "his husband" instead of "his wife" while talking about Robert. Then John goes off on a tangent, and says something akin to this:
"I'm not homophobic, but..."
and this was his actual, direct, quoted wording. (Dickhead warning)

"Gay women are more tolerable than gay men."

and it wasn't only that.

"If [Robert] was gay, i wouldn't be friends with him."

i called him homophobic but he just said that he has a lesbian friend and that somehow makes him not homophobic?

We have since stopped hanging out with this "friend" which is a good thing, but i still don't understand how people think they aren't homophobic and then spout out this shit. Can anyone tell me the reason?

I’m a 16 year old cis male and I’ve been straight all my life. I’ve had one long term relationship with a girl and it was sexual. All my life I have only ever been attracted to girls. However as of recently, while I still am attracted to girls, I’ve been feeling slightly attracted to guys as well. It’s not a sexual attraction though. I sometimes have the desire to do “stuff” (ex. kissing, making out) with another guy. Yet I don’t want to do anything purely sexual with another man like for example, having any type of sex. These feelings and desires can sometimes come in waves too but it’s been getting more stronger and constant over the last few weeks. Can someone help me out with this? I don’t really understand these feelings and I want to know if anyone can explain this to me and I feel like this is the place to come to for that help.

Okay so im not hating and I am a twink so don't take this the wrong way, but why do we have a pride flag??? Im just very confused and I didn't think that we would have one

Hello,

I’m a Bi woman and because I spend most of my time in queer femme spaces, I’m wondering if there’s something I’m missing out on

I live in Europe and we have some very prominent conservative politicians that are gay men. So I tried to google statistics on how different factions within the gsrm community vote and though I couldn’t find very reliable sources, there is some indication that they lean centre-right as a whole or at the very least are the most conservative voters within the lgbt+ community.

When I tried to find out reasons for this, I found some talking points repeated by people on the Internet.

For one, some of them seem to disagree with the modern ‘progressive’ political agenda as it pertains to the queer community and feel like their lives are worse because of it (or that they face more homophobia because of it)

A few others disagree with leftists being accepting of people with different religious/ethnic backgrounds and said that they feel unsafe because of said people (which is interesting because I do not see any lesbian/bi women being Islamophobic citing reasons related to safety and homophobia)

The latter I think doesn’t require a lot of explanation on what the rhetoric is but can someone shed any light on the first point about (cis) gay men disagreeing with the more recent inclusion of other queer identities within the lgbtq+ space or whatever the progressive political agenda that they disagree with is?

I am a girl; I use she/her pronouns, and I love being really feminine, but I absolutely hate the idea that I have a uterus and all of the other female anatomy. I often find myself thinking that I wish I had male anatomy. It's a deep-seated disgust, and I don't understand why. I absolutely love she/her pronouns, and I can't see myself using he/him, so I don't think I'm trans. I'm comfortable with my gender, but not my sex. Like, I wish I were a trans girl instead. Does anyone know what this is called, or is it just the TV glowing

I have to create training for work and I really want to hear from queer people themselves. I'm thinking obvious things like, how to use gender neutral language when greeting people or avoiding assumptions about gender and sexuality. But from people who have actually worked in customer service, what do you wish the staff knew about our community?

please help I have had two people so far that I thought i was getting to be really close friends with ask me out.

now one of those friends is my flatmate and is telling me NOW about a girl he “asked out” with success. I’m happy for him and all, but then he reveals he actually asked her to meet for lunch with no explicitly stated romantic intentions.

I don’t understand. Is this normal? He thinks that I am the crazy one because I told him that it doesn’t count as a date or even a “half date” because she added excessive exclamation points in her text response. Do all alloromantic people play mind games like this? I have half a mind to call him on spouting bullshit because he never managed to successfully date a girl but to be fair I haven’t either (not that I’ve tried).

I don‘t like that people will act nice to me and want to hang out with me and it turns out that what they want to do is date. So I need to know: how can I be clued in to this without leading someone on for half a year? I’ll probably start bringing up early on that I’m aro when I meet people. I guess. But generally I prefer not to out myself as alloaro because it’s something about myself that disgusts me sometimes.

I've been using the label "genderfae" but I don't think the description is right for me because it doesn't include anything masculine like being a tomboy

Hello everyone! So... recently I've really got into trying to investigate my gender identity and, since I am not really good at this topic at all... I wanted to ask a question.

Is it possible to be a cisgender woman and a cassgirl at the same time? I just want to understand it a bit more. Thanks everyone.

I feel I’m a straight passing 30f. I’ve had moments I def looked queer, but work has me confirming.

I came out as bi when I was 18 to close friends and they were all like we know. We thought you did too🤣 and soon after I switched the verbiage to pansexual. Have been going by that for years.

I met a woman online and we just stayed friends, but she introduced me to using queer as a label and it’s my favorite. Why? Bc one either they’re gonna ask questions and we can have a fun conversation or two they’re gonna stop talking. At least that’s been my experience. I love using queer considering it once was a slur. It’s taking it back and not letting others use it to hurt us. At least that’s how that introduced it to me and tbh I never really looked into it and now I feel arrogant/ignorant. But imma continue as I am bc this post is me coming to a safe place to kindness and guidance from others.

I was JUST watching a video from everyone’s favorite volcano loving lesbian about which gem/mineral represent each lgbtqia+. She did omnisexual and said it was the most requested. I’ve seen it often online as well but haven’t looked it up… until now. And I was like woah this feels way more accurate. And then I just kept reading more and searching more and this is what I’ve landed on if I have to keep it to five:

OMNISEXUAL • SAPIOSEXUAL • QUEER • ABROSEXUAL • ACEFLUX

All this being said, I feel for everything in life I have always been on not only both ends of every spectrum, but also in the center. And sometimes center left or center right. I am fairly confident I may be AuDHD from the research I’ve done on that with my experiences as well. But sometimes I’m into this more than others, sometimes I don’t want anything to do romantically or sexually. Sometimes I’m hyper sexual. Sometimes I’m more into men than I am women. Sometimes I don’t care about gender and just want a connection.

Lately I’ve also been introduced to the term table top poly. I think back to how I once loved and thought it was ENM. But I really don’t think that’s me at all. And idk something happened a few years ago that snapped something in me and I feel like I surprised myself into this mono/hetero life and I’ve been miserable but have felt trapt. In my mind I’m not gay enough for the queer community, but I’m not straight enough.. honestly I don’t wanna be bunched up with the straights. Period😭😭😭

But kitchen table poly. It sounds lovely. My own lil commune of folks I adore and some of us date, some of us don’t, sharing, keeping everything within our like village. I love it honestly. Truly its sounds like heaven. I wouldn’t lie if I also see this as a way to save money so I can have horses 🤣🤣 in this economy? The more ways rent is split the better🤣🤣🤣🤣 I digress.

So here I am and some insight that may or not be helpful. I’m just kind of throwing myself out there hoping for clarity on how these labels function together, CC to follow that may help me on this journey, or even just hearing some of you talk about the confusing parts along the way before you found what felt right for you.

And I’d like to say that I’m not one for labels. Clearly I’ve never fit into any one label and I take that with pride. But I am using these labels as a point of reference for growth and knowledge I don’t have.

Hello everyone,

sorry if this post rambles on a bit or anything, i've never really discussed this and want to add as much info as possible.

I am autistic 19M and have always had very feminine characteristics persay? The way I express myself via gestures, or communicate myself, potentially posture and walk, random stuff like that.

I've never really quite fit in (no surprises there lol) and always struggled to find my crowd regardless of whom.

I live with my mum who is not interested in men or relationships (for about 10 years now) and frequently see my sisters, one of which uses nonbinary pronouns and my sister in law who I believe is pansexual, but highly orientated towards women if I remember correctly. Over the years, i've sat next to a lot of conversations revolving around "hating men" and "sexist men", basically anything relating to negativity towards men which as a shy, non-conflictual person have lightly argued on with them before, but neutrally saying that their points apply to every gender. I see my dad every now and again, who has very feminine characteristics himself, however is a straight man. I've never had any pressure from my family about "conforming" to gender or sexuality, but as stated with the anti-men conversations, has maybe pressured my wishes of being born female from time to time, especially being the only male in an all female family.

I've always had long hair and always been told it suits me, and find joy in things like jewellery and for a short time used eyeliner frequently before stressing about others/family judgement and ditching it, but I have thought about maybe using it again.

I don't think this matters too much in terms of the post, however I do identify as Pansexual, with more attraction towards females, or female appearing people (if that makes any sense). I find men attractive, but not as sexually and romantically as females at the best of times. Also worth noting that the majority of my exes have been FTM trans.

I think the main points making me question my identity is gender envy? I will quite often look at a woman and think to myself "god I wish I could look like that" and spiral for a few hours about what it could mean before I shove the thoughts to the side and get on with life. What I mean with the gender envy is like, I wish I could have their attractive attributes? I envy the clothes they can pull off, the bodies they have, the features and makeup they can have without the judgemental side of it. I don't know if I'd feel any different if I would have them myself, but everytime I see a woman who I think is beautiful and gives me gender envy I go down a complete rabbithole for hours (hence why i'm making this post). I don't really get this with men? I consciously realise i'm a feminine man who doesn't fit in or really work out, so I envy men in the way of that I'm not exactly like, bog standard slim or muscular and that it may contribute to me not being very popular because it's another thing I struggle to find connecting to men with.

Speaking of, i've always found I do connect with feminine men and women better than standard or masculine guys. I'm definitely dramatic in how I engage and present myself, but not theatrically. My best friends are a younger gay man (born male) who's also finding himself out, and a woman who's spent years figuring out her gender identity (born female) and stuck with female, but is also pansexual. These two (aswell as maybe some family) I have never felt any judgement about who or what I am and I can be myself around, and it's amazing, but I want to work out who I am for myself, but also them as to not confuse us all anymore lol.

I haven't done much in terms of attemting to see if female clothing or lifestyle things would suit me more or less for lack of availability and fear of judgement from others, but also myself.

Extra note whilst reading this, I watched a video about this webcomic called 'Welcome to the internet Transvesite!' and realised that in my past, I used a community roleplaying app called amino (it's a whole story for those of you that were lucky enough to never find this app) and frequently as a young person (like maybe 8-14?) roleplayed as female personas online and was sexually roleplayed by people as one and, regretfully, it being my first sexual experiences ever also enjoyed it, but in the sense of that it pleased others and men.

I know there is more than likely info i'm missing, and it's not a clear black and white "you are trans!" but I've spent years feeling like this and just maybe want some guidance from others who might know how this feels?

If you've read this far, thank you for your time and any contributions in the form of advice or any comments would really help me at the moment. Thank you again everyone!

1- why are there more gay people than lesbians ? especially in the united states ?

2- why are the divorce rates for lesbian couples the highest ? i’ve had people telling me about this recently and it’s honestly causing me to be worried because i’m in a relationship with a woman that i want to take seriously for once but after hearing this fact it instilled paranoia in my mind . is it true that lesbians have the highest divorce rates ?

I was just thinking to myself about whether labeling one's sexuality is actually helpful. I decided to look up the opinions of queer people, and a lot of them said that it can be very useful when somebody is trying to figure out their sexuality.

Then it hit me... What does it actually MEAN to figure out your sexuality?

For me, there was no questioning. I don't even think about it. Usually, I'm attracted to women, but sometimes I'll be attracted to a man.

I never had to sit down and ask myself "Do I like women AND men?" because, well, yeah. I do.

So it's strange to me that people say questioning your sexuality is important because... To me it just seems like figuring out which box you fit in the most. Which brings me back to how I started this post. (It's all just circular reasoning, isn't it...)

Anyway, maybe I'm wrong! Maybe I'm a fucking idiot! But I just don't understand this, because it just seems like a roundabout way of defining a concept that doesn't even need defining in the first place.

EDIT: I'm just talking about sexuality here! Not gender!

I certainly belive that it does. But I've seen alot of people say that it shouldn't because of the chance that kids could be there, which i belive is pretty irrelevant since kink gear has been present at festivals since the begging and I personally belive it's weirder to change that then for people to accept that not every place can be kid appropriate.