Not in a “haha I don’t go by any pronouns” transphobic way, I mean literally. The person is nonbinary and doesn’t feel comfortable using any pronouns. Doesn’t really use a name either??

Hello! I am a cis person working a customer service job that happens primarily at night so I end up encountering a few drunk people every now and then. Usually dudes. My stand is right in front of the bathroom and sometimes these drunk (clearly cis) dudes will test me by saying something like “oh well I identify as a woman so can’t I go in here?”. I would LOVE options for a quippy but not aggressive response to these people because I’m never sure how to respond. Thanks!

I’m trans (FTM), not out publicly and still living outwardly as a lesbian. I’m married to a woman. We’ve been together since I was 17 and she was 18 and now we are 29 and 30.

About a week ago I had a wave of intense depression and suicidal thoughts that I couldn’t get rid of. It was like I had to tell someone this secret that I’ve been keeping for over a decade, that I’m trans. I constantly felt like crying, I couldn’t function at work, I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

I told my wife, that I don’t think I’m cis in tears. I told her I don’t like being perceived as a woman and that I’m struggling intensely with gender dysphoria. She said “okay, we can fix this. I love you no matter what” and told me she wouldn’t care if I got top surgery, just not bottom surgery. She then proceeded to tell me that I need to get into the gym because that makes me feel better about my body, and go shopping for new clothes.

I felt good getting that off of my chest. Well, fast forward to just a few days after that and she’s still calling me wife, and referring to herself as a lesbian, us as lesbians, and saying she, and referring to me as female and not treating me any differently.

I’m retreated back into the closet after getting the bravery to finally tell her, and I’m struggling immensely again. I feel like a guy internally but I’m forced to live every waking moment as a woman, and I can’t take it anymore. Idk what to do

But I don’t know what to do because my wife has a complicated relationship with men, she was SAed and is a bit of a man hater, and outwardly identifies as a lesbian proudly and I just don’t think she wants to lose that identity.

Hello, my name is Bea and for over a year i’ve been going by feminine pronouns. One thing is, it’s that i’m not taking estrogen. I wanted to leave this here to see how the transgender community would see me.

I was born a male and i always noticed some more feminine things about me. I loved playing games as a girl character, always would relate to female characters in media, and many other stuff that is not that important rn.

What im trying to say is that i always saw myself as a girl, and when i came to this realization i felt so happy. It took me a bit of courage to say this to some friends, only some of my closest friends knows about it and my best friend always treated me so well and used she/her pronouns when with me. One day he came to me and asked “So, when are you going to take estrogen?”

I started thinking, and i came to the the conclusion that i don’t really want to, or at least don’t have the need to be on estrogen. I’m not uncomfortable in my own body, i just felt that something was wrong in my way of seeing myself on the inside. From my understanding, being trans is not only being comfortable on your own body but also comfortable and happy with your state of mind and spirit. Am i wrong to think it that way? Do i really need to take estrogen for people to see me as who i am, even tho if on the inside i am already who i want to be and don’t feel uncomfortable in my own body?

Also it’s not that i wouldn’t take it, im open to the idea, i just don’t really feel the need to yk?

Please i would love to see yall thoughts on this, all i ask is for respect in the comments and that sort of stuff.

Ty very much!

Hi, I'm a 24 yo trans woman and I've been on hormones for over a year and I've never quite had a bra that felt right. I don't particularly like wearing bras but sometimes I have to. So far I've gotten by with a size large bralette but now it's starting to feel tight. My underbust size hasn't changed but it feels tight in the band so I can only assume that's what it feels like when the cups are too small?

Anyways I went bra shopping today with a friend and I got "fitted" (the lady took my bust and underbust over my clothes) and she said I'm a 32 B but the cups were so close together I couldn't even get it on. I've done my own measurements and I got 32 underbust and 37 bust but I don't really look like I have DD cups so I just don't know. When trying on different sizes I tried 32B, 32C, 32D, 34C, 34D, and 34DD and none of them felt comfortable? Obviously the bigger they got the less tight they were but they still squished me at weird parts? Idk what it's supposed to feel like so I ended up giving up for the day. My chest is wide for a woman's, and my boobs are wide set on top of that, so I wonder if that's screwing things up?

If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it! I can answer any followup questions you might have.

Never done HRT. I think I'm a woman but I'm not really sure. I hate almost all of my body, but i don't really care about my penis - while I'd prefer to have a vagina, I'm terrified of bottom surgery. I don't want to have my penis stop working, but i want to do HRT in the near future. Is this possible? Is there any way to do that?

I have seen a lot of cringe what not to do including some attack helicopter type jokes even recently 🙄. Would be cool to hear from the community what they think are good jokes about/for them (that isn't questioning their inherent humanity/taking away their rights).

Their jokes don't have to be exclusively about trans stuff but it's ok if they are. They can be trans themselves or cis.

I do consider myself a trans-inclusive person but what's funny to me might not be funny to the community it's about or be offensive in a way that I hadn't considered.

I am sleep deprived, neurodivergent and I have social anxiety so hopefully that all came out right. Please be gentle if I said anything wrong. I am trying my best.

Edit: I didn't expect so many replies and recommendations but there were a lot of good ones. It might take me some time to get to them all because there were a lot and some of them are full specials but I appreciate everyone who replied. Thanks!

Edit 2: I wasn't sure if anyone would feel some type of way or if it was rude to reply to some but not others so I looked up the Reddiquette and apparently people don't always expect a reply and leaving an upvote is sufficient. If I didn't reply it's probably because I missed it or maybe don't know what to reply with or haven't watched your recommendation yet. Just know if you replied I left you an upvote for sharing.

I want my friends at school to use my preferred name more & deadname me less, but I want to enforce it in a way for them to adjust to gradually without seeming too hot-headed. Most of my friends I have told in what I would consider an explicit and direct way, but quite a few of them (particularly those who are 'new' to adjusting to someone trans &/or with a preferred name) continue to use my deadname. I believe that leaving subtle markers (such as a hand-crafted badge of my preferred name) would aid in enforcing more frequent usage of my preferred name because I don't really have the guts to address them directly. What have been your experiences with moving people to adjust to your preferred name, and what would you recommend?

So I'm kind of in an embarrassing situation. I'm 20 and transitioned when I was a child, so I'm pretty much fully stealth. The thing is I never got a diagnosis because I started on DIY and then ended up transferring to public healthcare and they didn't really care about a diagnosis given I was already on hormones for some time and they probably didn't want me dying from evil DIY estrogen that's laced with fent (hyperbolic).

So, I never got a diagnosis, and now I'm post transition bar SRS, completely stealth and my legal name and sex are both changed since I'm Canadian and they just let you change your legal sex without any diagnosis.

The thing is, I'm about to do SRS this year and probably other surgeries in the future and they ask for a gender dysphoria diagnosis, which I do not possess. How in the world would I acquire a diagnosis if I'm literally stealth and my medical records and legal papers all show F on them?? None of the Gender Dysphoria diagnosis would apply to me because they applied to a past version of me and afaik they need to show that it's debilitating to you to give you the diagnosis. Like, am I just supposed to go through a humiliation ritual and walk to a therapist and go "Hey I know I'm female both legally and physically but actually I'm a trans woman and I need a gender dysphoria diagnosis even though I transitioned years ago and most of these criteria don't even apply anymore." Would they think I'm like going through a psychotic episode?? Would I have to prove that I'm actually trans and not a cis woman?

Honestly it's kind of my fault for not getting it when I was a teenager but I really need one for SRS so if anyone could guide me with this please let me know.

Edit : I checked and I specifically need it from a Physician M.D or Nurse so most queer therapists probably wouldn't be able to help! yay! 🫠

My son identified as a boy when he was 4, we accepted but didnt change anything, he didnt ask for anything to change he still went by his government name. When he was 9 he asked to be called by a male name we accepted and used his preferred pro nouns (he/him). He is now almost 14 and has done his research and has decided that while he knows he is male he doesnt want any surgeries but has been on blocker and will start testosterone at some point. I'm open and accepting of his feelings and love everything about him but I have a hard time wrapping my head around his decision to not have surgury. Im not pressing for him to have anything done I just dont want him to regret anything in the future. Can anyone help me understand?

I’m going to Florida in a few days. I’m 16 and live in the uk where we have a bathroom rule but honestly i don’t think anybody over here takes it seriously - i’m a trans guy and use the men’s and im totally fine since nobody gives a shit. I’m going to specifically universal and i’m afraid i won’t be able to go to the bathrooms. I wouldn’t dare go in the women’s bathroom because it makes me uncomfortable and also i’m pretty androgynous looking (since I’m not on hormones) but i’m more on the masculine side and when strangers speak to me i’m usually referred to as a man. I don’t want to scare any women if i went in there. I alternatively don’t want to go into the men’s room and be harassed for being trans. In the uk i sometimes go into the disabled bathrooms but my american friend told me apparently the disabled bathrooms are inside the men and women’s? I just don’t want to be harassed or anything for essentially ‘breaking the law’

I am in week 6 of HRT now and I recently started to notice that my nipples are VERY sensitive. I have been expecting the "painful" breast period that many describe having, as the bud grows. However, I don't recall anyone discussing just how sensitive my nipples would get. I am talking VERY arousing kind of sensitive. I can't stop touching them and even my tops moving over them, is driving me wild. Is this normal or is it in my head? I don't mind it, but it can be a bit distracting, especially at work.

I’m planning on getting a bilateral orchiectomy either way and doing so before this, and I’m actively repulsed by sex, and will absolutely never be having sex with anyone for any reason, so I’m leaning towards Vulvoplasty, but I wanted to see if anyone had any reasons I might want a Vaginoplasty instead

Hello I’m making this post very quickly as I just want the point across and tips fast(?)

Every time my girlfriend is sad or angry she goes into this mood where she misgenders herself in front of me and says she’ll “never be a real girl”. It doesn’t bother me but I do get upset when she talks to herself like that. how do I stop this? Can I stop this?

Hi friends,

My 14yo trans daughter lives with her mom and her 2nd husband (aka "Dad"), but recently privately expressed her desire to come live with me. Mom currently has full physical and legal custody, but for the last decade I've spent an average of three days each week with my daughter.

Daughter wants to come live with me because she's fed up with Dad's bullshit and Mom's inaction. My brave girl told us who she is at 9 years old. Since that time 5 years ago, Dad has steadfastly refused to honor her pronouns except to mock her.

My daughter has received no gender-affirming care under Mom's roof, and a long conversation last night with her and her brother (who came to live with me several years ago) revealed a shocking history of emotional and physical abuse that went far deeper than anything I'd previously known about. Thankfully, both kids denied any sexual misconduct.

The kids have warned me that Dad is extraordinarily manipulative. While I'm confident in my case (especially given the kids' disclosures about abuse), I also fully expect an uphill battle. Dad's also much more financially stable than I, which could be a real problem if it comes to a prolonged legal battle.

I've left messages for GLAD and PFLAG, and now I'm reaching out to this community for support. I need referrals, resources, anything and everything that will help me ensure that i can give my daughter the safe and loving home she deserves. What do you have for me?

Thanks in advance. Please know that this dad loves you, too.

I am a straight guy and i´m 15. I recently met a trans guy. He hasn’t really started transitioning yet but has the intention to eventually do it. We started talking and became best friends. Very early on, he told me that he is trans. He is open about it with close friends and i totally support him.

I feel conflicted because I kind of like him, but I’ve always considered myself straight, and I feel that I only like the feminine aspects of him. And that is weird because I feel that I don’t really like him for who he really is. I don’t think I really like HIM, but the other version of him, and I feel bad about it.

And to add to the situation, I recently discovered that he likes me (he’s gay). I’m pretty sure he knows I’m straight, which makes the situation even weirder. If he doesn’t know, then I think I should tell him, but I don’t really think that’s the case.

Any advice on my situation? I dont know how to feel or what to do.

Hey there,

Pretty much as the opening states. I’m questioning my identity (m, then nb, likely f) and am having a really difficult time motivating myself to begin the process of transitioning via hormones.

I know, deep down, it’s something I’ll feel the urge to do until I die, but I can’t move past my anxieties surrounding my appearance. It’s vain, I know, but I don’t necessarily hate looking masculine, and like my facial hair. But at the same time, I see a sad masc in the mirror and wish I saw a happy, pretty woman, but I also don’t think I’ll ever become a nice looking woman.

How does one get over the anxieties and fears of this weird mix of dysphoria regarding their current pre-transition appearance but also fear of what they’ll look like post-transition?

Sorry for being rambly, I didn’t know how to get this point across all too well.

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and part of that has been questioning my identity. I’ve been imagining myself as a girl, and it’s given me a lot of thoughts. A number of times, I’ve had the idea that I think I’d like myself more if I was a girl. I like the idea of wearing skirts, and dresses, and other female cloth. I want to try makeup, and growing out my hair. I’ve started to realize I often identify with female characters in fiction more, and I often find myself imagining myself in their shoes, and this happens far more than with male characters. And I’ve even joined communities to see what it’d be like to be treated as a girl (not leading people on much, moreso just joining normal online spaces for say, a fandom, and saying my pronouns are she/her) to see how I’d like being seen/treated/referred to as a girl, and I like it.

But I also don’t really mind how I am now? I’m a man with a lot of facial and body hair, and has a number of notably masculine features, but this fact doesn’t really bother me. I don’t mind the person I see in the mirror. It’s more like, I don’t mind my appearance much, but sometimes, especially lately, I look in the mirror and wonder what it’d be like if the person looking back at me was a woman, and I like the idea. And again, I’ve had the thought a number of times that I’d like that person more than my current self.

So is it possible to still be trans even if I’m not really bothered by myself now, I just think I like the idea of being a woman? Sorry if this is a dumb question, I just thought I’d ask to get some help with all this thinking.

Ok, this will be a long one, I’m discovering a lot recently (?) and I don’t know if this is the right subreddit for this venture/question (please redirect me to another subreddit if so)

I remember when I was 5-6 years old and I would have many girl friends at school, I tried once asking to go to their houses and dress in their clothes but it never happened. I also had a theater presentation around that age where I used a very nice dress as I was a pharaoh (or smth like that)

I don’t think I’m trans as I’m very happy being a man, I mean it, I’ve thought about it a lot honestly. I like my irl name, I like my body, I’m very happy with my pronouns but at the same time, if I had a button that I could push and instantly turn into a girl and back to a boy when I wanted to I’d press it many times

I like the idea of being an attractive woman, always did, for a long time I thought this was normal? I’m mean, I’m heterosexual, so I like beautiful woman, isn’t it normal that I would want to be one? Apparently that’s not how everyone thinks lmao

I had two girlfriends before and both were bi, I even asked if one of them wanted me to dress as a girl as she never dated a woman before but se refused as she thought I was doing a “sacrifice” for her (little did she know I was trying to say something)

A friend of a friend of mine is throwing a gender-swap party where guys goes as girls and girls as guys, and I REALLY wanted to go, I wish I would put a make up on, fake bra, a beautiful dress or clothe and no one would recognize me, unfortunately I wasn’t invited and even if I was my last ex will be there, and I’m not really ready to see her again (we ended on good terms but I think I still have feelings, also she would understand what I’m saying in this post, I miss having someone like her)

Now into the title, my friends think I’m a trans woman and I’ve yet to find that out, on the other hand I don’t think so. I’m very happy with the stereotypical male vision toward me, I just like the idea of dressing as a woman once in a while and being hot

Yesterday I cosplayed as Frieren at a party, very simple cosplay and it was a “male version” (no skirt and short hair), I thought I’d look feminine and pretty but I just looked like a male trying to dress as a woman, this kinda bothered me because I wish I had a more “versatile” body and face but I’m pretty much a standard man, the only “feminine” part of me are my eyes, I have very long eyelashes, other than that I’m as much as a male as they come

Is there anyway I can be both? I really want to still be a man but also have a body and face which I can crossdress, I like the femboy/e-girl style, I just want to sometimes pass off as a girl yk? Idk, I don’t think that makes me trans, but what does that makes me? Any tips for dressing?

Basically I've been thinking recently that I should be doing more to help trans people. I'm good at using the correct pronouns for people and not misgendering anyone but I feel at times like I'm just doing the bare minimum and I really should be doing more to help people-after all if I can't help the most oppressed people in society then what am I really doing with my life? I'm from the UK if that makes any difference. All answers are appreciated even if you're just calling me an idiot or something.

Hello! Thank you all for your help beforehand..

So I been out socially with friends and my school for about 5 years now. I am FTM and I got told I got approved for top surgery. Which is great and I feel like I should be excited but instead I’m full of dread honestly and I think I’m having bad anxiety about regretting it..I just don’t get it and I feel so alone with all these feelings and idk. Like if you had ask me before I was given the chance I would have went for it and jumped for the opportunity but now things are working out I now wanna backpedal..? Idk it’s weird and just want some community support ig. Thanks and sorry!

It has been 6 months from my surgery and other than after I dilate I am not wet in the slightest. Whenever me and my boyfriend do things tho you can literally hear my vagina because of how wet it is. I am so confused I got penile pull through and I thought I wasn’t supposed to be getting wet off arousal, any ideas?

So, I'm an 18 year old trans man, and I've known that Im trans since like late 2023, but its really hard accepting it. I dont get that like absolutely soul crushing and day ruining dysphoria a lot of people speak of, maybe because I've went trough a lot of trauma already and my tolerance for bad feelings is up in the sky, but I feel like an impostor, like I'm not trans enough because my dysphoria isnt severe. I also get so many doubts about being trans, like what if Im not even trans and I'm just manipulating myself for some reason even Im not aware of, and then I get even more doubts because "if I'd be truly trans I'd know for sure and I wouldnt be doubting myself" maybe its internalised transphobia because my parents are also homophobic as hell and I live in eastern europe which also isnt a very accepting place, and like I just feel so alone with these issues, everyone else thats openly trans seems to have their shit together while I have an identity crisis about every week.

I also kinda hate that one button question, because yes if I could press a button and become a man without any consequences I'd press it for sure, but at the same time how do I know that I'm really answering the truth, again what if Im just lying to myself for some obscure weird reason even I dont know?

Bro I'm so doomed. I am a trans man ok. I can't keep living with this long hair. I can't pass with it and it just makes me want to give up and all of that shi. But if I cut my hair I'm probably gonna be found in a coffin. I have STRICT, religious, transphobic, homophobic, sexist parents. I need some kind of haircut that can be styled in a masc way and fem way. My luck is that I have masculine features that save me without being on t. Bushy eyebrows, sharper jawline than regular afab individuals, hooded eyes, long nose AND bonus.. I might or might not be able to grow some kind of mustache before t.

Also a little thing, when I meant I can't pass with my long hair I meant I can't pass if I was out (only a few ppl irl know ab my identity since it's pretty dangerous for me to be out). Tho I do plan to make a change in highschool cuz I can't keep living like something that I'm not