First of all Hi!

I've been using my packer not as usual as I would like since I started to feel dysphoric 3/4 months ago), but recently I've been using it more during the day and night (while sleeping too).I don't feel like it's not part of my body, and in fact, I haven't felt any discomfort either, the problem is actually the opposite. I go about my day normally. I even feel a little proud or happy when I feel “the package” between my legs, but sometimes I feel like a teenager, it’s as if it’s sensitive when I touch it (I know it’s all in my head, but bear with me), and I even get turned on just knowing it’s there.

Is this normal? Did you guys feel the same way the first few times you wore it? Do you get used to it after a while? (Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all roses, it bothers me a little to have to take it off or move it when I go to the bathroom), but still, touching it and seeing it feels like it’s mine.

To be honest, he’s a good person, despite being a die-hard transphobe. I don’t know if it’s because of my Catholic upbringing, but I have to admit that the people around me are either transphobic or simply ignorant. My own family constantly gets my pronouns wrong and uses my deadname. It bothers me, but I’m just tired of correcting them, so I let it slide.

My friend claims to be a man of logic and reason. He argues that I’m not a woman, and that he’ll only refer to me as a woman once I’ve legally changed my name and it appears as such on my identification. He claims it’s absurd—arguing that if I’m a woman simply because I identify as one, then he could just as well be a dog because he identifies as one. He even jokingly said, "woof, woof."

It’s foolish and transphobic in every sense. I want to point out that this is a false analogy, but I’m struggling to articulate exactly why.

do I obtain it after a certain a of time on estrogen or do I have to start climbing a mountain, or is something else entirely?

I’m 25M and my doctor said I’d essentially go through a second puberty as I start and go through HRT. What does that mean exactly? What does that entail?

!WARNING: Explicit sexual content - autofetishization

I feel strange.

I've been with my first sexual partner (cis male) for 7 months. Although I've been able to tolerate PIV and even desired a few times, it feels a bit streesing and too vulnerable when we do it, even when he is soft with me.

I don't why I feel aroused when I touch him and fantasize that I'm a active gay guy with him. I would like to have the ability to penetrate him (maybe just have some of his ass on top of me) and I envy so much the ease with which he becomes aroused and obtains pleasure with his dick, while i have to concentrate into relax every time. At this point I'm already somewhat frustrated that I just can came with those gay thoughts.

I talked about my preferences 2 times with him, but obviously he doesn't want to recieve any penetration. Only he opened to more soft things, but even like that he confessed to me that he wouldn't be comfortable with a man.

I like to dress a bit masc and since I was little I've questioned my gender, but I haven't wanted to delve any deeper because of some insecurity i think or maybe some internalized transfobia.

(Although, I personally have thought sometime ago, bout very dumb stuff: if I'm getting married with him, anytime, into both having "male" suits, even me being a woman.)

I dunno if it just that envy, hypersexuality, of if is something else. It feels kinda Freudian. I'm scared if I decide to be transgender, I might regret it later.

TLDR: Is this euphoria?

No HRT, still have body hair, the dress dosent even fit. Im shaved but as masculine as ive ever been. Ive been buying women's clothes for the last couple of days and trying them on in my room. Ive been having so much fun putting together outfits. Im disapointed that they dont fit my body as good as id like them too, so its not all euphoria all the time. The first day felt great though. Like this big relief washed over me. But even when they dont fit right I dont want to take them off. Whether its poorly applied nail polish or a dress thats almost falling apart on me. Ive been lounging around in a cute black dress for the last 6 hours feeling this sense of relief I dont understand. I just feel "okay". Ive also been weirdly confident doing it too, just walking into brick and mortar stores and picking stuff out for myself and checking out. I feel a bit self conscious but I just dont care at all what anyone in there thinks. Im not even afraid of someone asking me what im doing I feel so much more confident and self assured doing this.

What im kinda confused by is. I dont hate my face. I dont HATE the way i look as a guy it just dosent get me too excited. People compliment me as a guy and I never feel happy or like, proud of it. Its just like "oh yeah thank you its nice to hear that." Im not proud of being a guy at all. And I dont know if i "Feel" like a girl in this stuff, but I just want to feel beautiful on the inside. And wearing dresses and cute things makes me WAY more confident. I feel more like myself not like someone else. I dont feel like im missing out anymore im just kinda happy. I feel like some boiling or broken thing inside of me has calmed down a bit. Everything still hurts just way less than it usually does.

Anyway so what are the symptoms of gender dysphoria?

For those who've been on HRT for a while, have you experienced being able to have multiple or back-to-back orgasms now?

What does it feel like, and how would you compare it to how it felt before HRT?

And, Do you prefer dry orgasm or ejaculation?

I'd love to hear your experiences.

I’ve identified as a lesbian, nonbinary, and now a binary trans bisexual man. I’m 9 months on T, and I’ve realized I don’t really want to be associated in lesbian spaces anymore (although I love a lot of lesbian spaces). I’ve never fully resonated with the word lesbian, and even in accepting spaces, I often feel dysphoric and worry that I’m not being seen as a man.
I genuinely yearn for masculinity and male belonging. I want male friendships and to feel like I’m one of them. This is partly why gay male spaces appeal to me: their masculinity is sometimes exactly what I’m looking for, and I’m getting more and more attracted to men, the more comfy I get with my body.

At the same time, I’m wary of the genital-centered culture, beauty standards, racism, and ableism that can exist in these spaces.
I feel guilty about wanting to distance myself from lesbian communities. I understand why these spaces exist, and I don’t want to invalidate transmasculine lesbians or imply that their experiences are any less valid than mine. I just don’t feel like I belong in these spaces anymore, and I don’t want to keep participating out of guilt.
I think I’m struggling with the feeling that moving toward masculinity and male spaces means abandoning a community I once belonged to. I want to embrace being a man and explore my place in queer male culture, but I’m scared I’ll never fully belong there either.

Have other trans men experienced this?
How did you navigate leaving lesbian spaces, embracing your yearning for masculinity, and finding queer male community without feeling like you were betraying your past?

Hi! I’m 11 months and 14 days into HRT, so far I’m really loving the results: my face makes me feel really euphoric, I got B cups( and they’re still growing!) and my lower body fat is gradually going where it has to.
So, yeah, I feel great! But I do have one issue that causes the majority of my dysphoria, my shoulders, arms and back are still pretty muscular :(. I mean, i’m already a bit less bulky than before but i’m still more muscular than the majority of my AMAB friends(even though i’m actually weak AF)
I was wondering how long i’ll have to wait before these muscles get completely the fuck out of this fair lady. Is there something I could do to coadiuvate this process

P.S.: before my transition I used to be an amateur body builder, but I haven’t hit the gym in, like, 1 y and 6m~

When I was in the egg I didn’t really want to get tattoos but now I’ve been thinking about getting tattoos.
What are some tattoos you got? Or like?
I’ve been thinking about getting flowers down one of my arms, but it’s pretty typical, so I was thinking about getting each flower to be a different color and type of flower.

Disclaimer: the original text was in Chinese and I used translation tools to translate it into English

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially now that I've had SRS myself.

Personally, I feel that HRT and social transition are what really matter most. SRS (although I dislike the term itself and would rather call it GAS or bottom surgery) hasn't fundamentally changed my life in the way some people might expect. I'm only 9 days post-op, so it's obviously too early to draw any conclusions about the long-term effects, but so far, my life feels much the same as before. My body is temporarily more restricted, while mentally I feel freer. The biggest difference is that one particular aspect of my life is now more under my own control.

But HRT was something else entirely. For me, it was a rebirth.

Before that, my life feels almost like a previous lifetime. I can barely remember what I was like or what I experienced back then. To put it metaphorically, I was living in a fog, barely existing. Then I started HRT, and it felt as though the game had finally begun. That was the real beginning. GAS is an important quest along the way, but it's still just one quest among many.

Over the past three years, the changes in my appearance, my everyday life, and the identity I inhabit have been driven almost entirely by HRT and other non-surgical aspects of transition. The bottom part is largely invisible in my daily life and, in many situations, irrelevant to how I live. It does give me greater bodily autonomy, of course, but it doesn't fundamentally redefine who I am. The remaining mismatch between my body and my sense of self has become smaller, but the person I am is not someone newly created by surgery. It was created by HRT and social transition.

This makes me wonder: why does mainstream society frame GAS as the decisive step in transition, while treating HRT and social transition as secondary, preparatory stages?

Why is transition so often understood as a linear journey from one gender to another, with surgery as the definitive step? Why isn't it equally valid to see HRT as the transformative event, with surgery addressing a specific aspect of bodily autonomy rather than completing one's identity?

I understand that SRS can be profoundly life-changing for some people, and I'm not trying to diminish that experience. I'm curious about why this particular narrative has become so dominant, and why surgery is so often treated as the ultimate proof that someone's transition is real or complete.

For me, transition wasn't a process of gradually becoming a different person. It was the process of finally getting to live as myself. HRT was the beginning of that life. Surgery has made one part of it more autonomous, but it didn't create the person who was already living it.

I'm half way through 17 and plan to get therapy and prep for possibly starting testosterone around 18

But I can't decide on if I should take testosterone or just go without because they both have pros and cons

Has anyone here had some things they didn't like on testosterone? Any type of regrets? Or anything?

For me it's mainly because I'm not fully masculine I'm more on the softer side of it and testosterone is unpredictable on people I worry I'd look less idk how else to put it but "boy-pretty" in a masculine way, I just don't really like the idea of a very deep voice, just a unmistakably boy voice is what I want, and I don't know if I'd regret how my appearance overall changes (I'm am a boy though) but I know I'd love some things of testosterone

Maybe I just have some negative misunderstanding of views on it or such idk a part of me feels like I'd end up looking like a dad with a full beard (though I do have a backup dht blocker consideration, but point stands in other ways) and stuff and lose how I look now in a bad way (idk it's glued to my mind)

It's just got me in a chokehold and I know I should get therapy for this but I thought I'd get thoughts or anything from others right now

Sorry if this sounds dumb but I'm really really lost

Thank you guys I was spiraling a bit but I think I have more of a grip. it's getting late so I'll probably stop replying now but still thank you all again )

So my parents dont want me to even be on the waitlist for hrt, which is 5 years btw, since theyre scared i'll regret it somehow. They basically want me to just talk to a psychologist with them and get the psychologist to tell them if im trans or not as if im cant know it myself

I just wish i could make them believe me so i can at least get on the waitlist and maybe get them to use a new name and pronouns

Hello as the title suggests I am questioning my gender identity, I'm in my late 20s and questioning it

So a little background i started crossdressing about 2 years ago, my ex had me go as a girl on Halloween one year and while I was nervous I was also kinda excited on the inside, about having my makeup done and wearing an outfit I enjoyed

So I recently started crossdressimg after that and love wearing a skirt and tights(one of my favorite outfits), but have since progressed to wearing panties and a bra everyday to work under my regular clothes and usually leggings as well.

I recently went on a solo trip where I dressed in skorts, skirts, leggings, a one piece bathing suit the whole trip and it was freeing being able to dress how I wanted and not need to worry about what anyone else thought, I also went and got a mani pedi, on the trip as well and then also got my hair braided, and it felt wonderful

More recently I have since continued painting my nails(teaching myself how to do it) and also learning makeup only eyeshadow for right now(one thing at a time) I have basically a second wardrobe of feminine attire, but nobody in my family knows I still dress masculine around them.

If I am dressed feminine in my room, changing back into masculine clothes before leaving my room even to just use the bathroom, i feel like i am having to essentially put on a mask and hide a part of myself, from my family and the world essentially,

Within the past 2 weeks I have been experimenting in private with she/her pronouns and within the past 2 days a feminine name completely different from my own name, and it's all felt strangely natural.

I'm not sure exactly what this mean

I'm partly worried about if I am Trans what it means for my relationships, personal and professional, and if I would be accepted by my family

Any advice would be nice

I’m 36, a year and change on hormones, with the last 6 months being on injections. No surgeries, just an amab transfemme with some big lingering question marks.

Before transition, and even like a decade before my egg cracking, I struggled with maintaining an erection whenever I had sex. By myself it wasn’t that difficult to get one and maintain it to be able to masturbate, but as soon as someone else was in the room it was basically impossible to keep it going. This, along with some really terrible dissociation I used to get during intimacy, led me to believe I was sex-repulsed ace. Then a year and a half ago my egg cracked and I realized a lot of that might have been unrecognized dysphoria. I now think that’s partially true, but it feels like something else is also happening.

I started dating a married couple some time ago, and since become sexually active with one of them. It’s a lot of fun, honestly. Im discovering parts of myself I didn’t know before, they’re learning along with me about themselves, and it feels really wonderful to share in that closeness with them. In the midst of our early dynamic it was established that I’m pretty much only capable of enjoying myself as a bottom. While we have really good chemistry otherwise, they’re also afab and more vers but leaning top.

We wanted to explore PIV, since neither of us have had it before, but we simply could not figure out how to get me to stay erect. I even got a viagra script from my doctor and that didn’t change anything. I could get hard by myself without an issue, and to the point that it even hurt a little bit when I flexed my kegels, but again if they’re in the room it’s no-go. At this point it’s hard to believe that I’m simply not aroused. I even get a little bit of fluid leakage as we go along, like if they’re doing something manually on me, or like if I grind on them, but it’s so hard to find that point of pleasure in my own body. For now we’ve kinda agreed to just ignore it and look into getting a strap for them. I have a decent bit of experience playing with my butt and think it might be good to share.

I also bought a magic wand a few months ago, and have tried masturbating with that. While it feels good on some level, it also feels kinda uncomfortable, and like if I keep at it for too long I start to feel like I’m going crazy while somehow still nowhere near orgasm, and it just feels impossible to reach that anymore. I can still do it the old way by myself and get there but it feels really hollow and still unfulfilling. It sucks, because by another aspect, we’re also really kinky and sexually fixative on each other. Sometimes I wake up thinking about something they said or did and then that turns into a whole day of girl horny, with seemingly no way to adequately release it when I get home.

I know the way things work down there changes on some level but I seriously can’t seem to make heads or tails of it. I didn’t think that I really had bottom dysphoria before now but between this and some issues I had with my levels a few months ago it’s really hard to deny that I really desperately wish I’d just been born with the right parts.

I’m in a bit of a precarious situation; being 15 and living with a Muslim family means I do not feel ready in the *slightest* coming out until at a minimum college, which also means holding off on presentation and HRT and whatnot. The dysphoria as of now is manageable, but I expect it to come to a boiling point at some time down the line.

With all the extra time I have in the tank, I’ve already made advances in what I can; figuring out my style, voice training, HRT research (especially with me being an athlete), and makeup hopefully in the near future. However, one thing I am super super worried about is just passing in general. I’ve seen quite a few trans timelines; some people look fucking amazing, and others… well, not so much. It’s giving me confidence and making me much more self conscious about potentially not passing. I would say I already look somewhat androgynous and I do have fucking beautiful curly hair, but there is still all of the other factors that go into passing that scares me a little when it comes to whether or not I will.

I do recall hearing some stories online of people saying they were worried about passing, but once they started presenting as their true gender, they found they didn’t really care because now they just got to be who they wanted to. I’m not sure how universal of an experience that is, and so I figured I’d run the numbers by y’all. I do really want to be a girl, but I also want to be able to look myself in the mirror and see someone beautiful, confident in herself, and ready to kick ass instead of a man trying to be something he shouldn’t.

[This is also a repost, something something I’m not doing this for clout I need real answers 🙏]

MENTION OF SUICIDE AND MAYBE TRANSPHOBIA

Okay, so I'm 14, 15 in December, I've been trans for 2 to 3 years. I've been out for 1 or 2 years and since I found out my mental health has been pretty bad. I'm constantly having panic attacks and mental breakdowns. My mum knows I'm trans and said she supports but I don't fully believe her anymore, she's been misgendering me and I think she's been wanting to deadname me idk she's been doing that to my brother(ftm like the rest of my siblings). I've wanted to start her for the past year and have been trying to figure out ways to do this, last year I made a Google slideshow to ask but never showed it, and I made another in September which I did show my mother. She said no which upset me so about a day or so later, I texted her that there's a much higher chance for me to try and take my life(which I was going to do 2 years ago, after I learned I was trans), she said no again. I told my trans friend and he told me that was pretty mean and she should've said something better than that.

My mental health has gotten worse since then as well and I've been more anxious than ever. I'm going to try and convince my mum to let me start testosterone for my 15th birthday soon then in going to ask once again on my birthday. I don't really know what to do if she says no for the 3rd and 4th time. I already know I'm likely not going to make it to 18 without testosterone or proper trans care. I could try to ask my sibling, Liz or Kas(Kaz?) because they're both trans and I know Kas is on testosterone, maybe they would know what to do because Liz is pretty close with my mum and they've known each other since my sibling was 4(Liz is like 21 or 22) Liz does know my mental health is bad and i trust that maybe my siblings could do something to help me.

If my mom said no for the 4th time I'll probably end it or try to buy testosterone off someone or something like that so my health won't continue to get worse while my mum just sits by knowing she could or could've done something. And if I do end up taking my life, I'll probably blame her for not helping at all. I probably messed up my chance by saying hrt is expensive(in the long run most of the time) added together, it is expensive and that's what I was saying in the Google slideshow.

I literally just got healthcare insurance back in like 5 ish years. I could probably get hrt covered mostly by insurance and it wouldn't cost that much. Also like an average price is cheaper than my mums medication and all the alcohol she buys a month. Anyway, my question, how should I ask for the 4th time? What should I do if she says no? And how am I even supposed to get any in Arizona????????? I could try to go back to California and stay with a sibling for consultations/lab work. I'm just really confused and need some help, thanks!!!

I'm 80% sure I'm a trans man but I can't bring myself to say that out loud. I can't say "I'm a man" or "I'm a closeted trans man" even to myself. I see people online be so confident though... pubicly saying "I'm a trans woman/man/NB person" even if they're deeeeep in the closet.

Maybe it just takes time. I have that little voice in my head telling me I'm faking it all the time, and that if I ever did transition, I'd only end up with "reverse dysphoria", even though I spend so much time thinking about all the effects of T I want, and I envy the men around me so much. I know there's still a chance I may be a confused woman, but I want to proudly say I'm a man so bad... even if I turn out to be wrong later. I want to feel confident and secure in who I am.

I know I’m not a real man, I can’t even think of myself as one. I sometimes accidentally imagine myself as a girl or I accidentally think of me having sex as a girl and it scares me so bad. (Sometimes in dreams too… I’m scared it feels good…) I also am scared having a penis would somehow feel wrong, (because I’m not used to it) although it would feel better than a vagina and I do feel like something is missing right now, same with everything else.
However I am not non binary, being non binary feels the same as being female. i still feel like I’m missing my genitals or correct parts… I think I’m cute and unfortunately I’m just like so used to it now… even though I don’t like it… I get scared I “like to different parts of me every now and then

I can’t even feel anything anymore; I don’t deserve transition, I’m too feminine, I feel like I look too nice to transition, I could never be a real man, I just wish I was. I never even used to have real dysphoria , I just felt gross for not having it… yet I realized how much being a woman actually pains me…I kinda only used to hate I “got aroused like a girl” and that I couldn’t get people pregnant….and I hated getting a period, I was always lost and confused, I didn’t know how puberty worked for either sex or that it was even going to happen…. Nothing made sense…. Why did I suddenly have these parts and functions???? It happened so fast I never even know it did…

There’s just this hopeless I feel over not being able to be male and just observing men for the rest of my life in a female body. I see my male classmates and I observe male celebrities, I want to be like them, but I could never. I would love to even be a fat, ugly man as long as if I was a cis guy. I wish I could be a father but that could never happen.

I have a female classmate, I hear her say she has some sort of condition, I don’t know what but I think she needs to take estrogen for it, I don’t understand, why would anyone want more estrogen.

I sometimes forget how I actually sound or look, if I don’t check my body for a bit and then I’m like “oh… I don’t like this, this doesn’t sound or look like me…” but I keep seeing it and then I become painfully used to it. I’m not a real man, I bet I just made a conscious decision to hate my body, yet I don’t want to reverse it. I tried to but it hurts too bad. I want to become a man. I wish there was perhaps a surgery to make my brain male too, so the voice inside my head didn’t also sound female to the point it tears and rips apart my brain. I feel physically ill because I am female.

I also pretend to be fully straight or even straight in the slightest to feel more male. I get intrusive thoughts I want to look like a girl if I find one pretty, for men however it is real. I also feel more nervous around men, I don’t know why… is it perhaps just my envy and anger towards them? Maybe. I had an ex boyfriend and I was so mad he had a penis, flat chest, and normal male parts while I didn’t

The only advice I ever get is to get therapy, if it was so obvious I wouldn’t need therapy. People only say “get therapy” when they think you are a mentally ill cis person, I’m no fool, I see right through it!

I also sometimes feel like a mutilated cis man… how am I really any different from David Reimer? I feel just the same as him. Reading about his story, I feel just like that. Everyone in my life is like that awful doctor forcing me to be female

There is no cure for me, like I said I don’t deserve transition, I’m a bad man, or a really bad woman for being a faker… I started questioning when I was 10, I’m 16, almost 17 now.. maybe someone just needs to correct and punish me for ever thinking I could ever be a man.

Stupid question ik but ig let me explain cus idk if this is gonna get taken down idrk if it follows the rules. Hi, I'm Lee, I posted here a good while ago asking how to know if I'm trans, & after a good bit of trying to discover myself, I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm a trans woman!

​Currently, I'm hoping to find other trans ppl (if that's the right way to put it if not I'm reallysorry) who I could possibly be friends with, to help me discover more about myself & guide me on my journey. I wouldn't mind having friends online, but I would prefer to make friends in person. ​I'm from Houston, TX, so if you wanna hang out, just lmk Thank you! Um....bye 😅👋

3 months MtF HRT. In the last month since noticing them, not a moment passed when I wasn’t delighted with my little A-cups. Both quiet joy to myself, and in wishing for others to notice.

But sometimes, I’m terrified that I might get quite really quite large breasts. It’s a totally unfamiliar fear, since I spent decades wanting this.

I don’t know what’s going on. Is this proof I’m not trans and I’m making a terrible, temporarily indulgent, mistake? Or is it just fear of future social anxiety?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Доброго утра, иногда бывает мысли что чувствую себя не тем кем являюсь. Как оно вообще? Откуда берёте деньги на операции и куда обращаться, слышал что без справки это будет невозможно. Я из Украины, сейчас сложно конечно с деньгами, но возможно как-то найду деньги мб есть какие-то организации которые помогают с такими вопросами?

I have been questioning my gender for the last year or so, but just in the last two weeks or so the feelings have become much more prominent.

I get a funny feeling in my chest when I imagine myself as a girl, and it is one of the best feelings I've ever felt. Not in a sexual way, but in a euphoric and content way. Sometimes I cross dress in private and it gives me the same feeling of joy. Is this a normal thing that people do?

I also now am experiencing complex negative emotions when I am referred to by my gender assigned at birth. It's more okay with people I trust but it makes me feel uncomfortable when it is by people I don't know.

I am worried about the future because I struggle to know for sure which direction my life could go in. I still live with my family and am heavily dependent on them.

I don't know if I'm being silly or not, these are just my feelings and I barely know anything about it. I know we probably get a million of these posts here but I'm looking for someone to relate to with some advice.

Hi, I am considering getting a mtf bottom surgery but I practice martial arts (all kinds but the specific one I want to focus on is Taekwondo since that has a lot to do with the pelvic area) and I'm worried that I may tear or cause a complication when doing something like an explosive high kick.

So, I still identify as male (I was assigned male at birth) but I really do not like having a penis and testicles. I am a very feminine man but also at the same time masculine. I find male genitals gross (no offense to anyone who likes them, they just don't float my boat) and I find mine gross, uncomfortable, and embarrassing. So I have been heavily considering getting bottom surgery for a little bit now. I hope this isn't disrespectful or in bad taste, I just really hate having a penis.

I am unsure as to if I want a full depth Vaginoplasty or just a shallow depth Vulvoplasty. Vulvoplasty seems like it would be the safest and easiest considering my lifestyle and recreational activities, but on the other hand there doesn't seem to be that much research compared to a Vaginoplasty and the pictures I've seen (what little there are) just don't seem like this is exactly what I'm looking for in terms of looks either. A Vaginoplasty seems like it is what I'm looking for in terms of looks but it also seems like a much more complicated procedure and healing process, and even after the fact it still seems iffy if I can still do the things I love.

I don't know if I have genital dysphoria or not, since I still identify as a man and I don't really see that changing (even if I get bottom surgery), but I am really uneasy with my genitals. I'm all pretty new to this, as I have lived in the south for my entire life and have been surrounded by so much toxic masculinity.

I love doing high kicks and just kicks in general, they are my favorite moves to preform, so I think that I would be very unhappy if I could never do them again. Martial arts in general are a huge part of my life and it's the thing I'm best at, and honestly, I feel like I would be less of a person without them. I also hope to be a Hostage Rescue Team operator in the future and that is very intensive in terms of physical stress especially in selection, and I feel that could also cause some complications if I got bottom surgery. However I have thought about just quitting all of this in favor of bottom surgery because I am very unhappy with the way I am and would really like to change.

I feel like I am very confused and unhappy right now, and don't know what to do. I like being a dude, I like masculine things, I like he/him pronouns (though I'm not going to be annoyed at all if someone calls me by something else), but I also like feminine things and a more feminine aesthetic (more alt, grunge, and punk sure, but I like wearing crop tops and skinny pants, and the more feminine parts of those aesthetics) I wear my hair long, I have a lean build (half by choice and half I just struggle to gain muscle) and I just get along better with girls and gay guys than I do with straight guys (I am aroace, non romance repulsed if that means anything) and I really hate having a penis. I really don't think I'm trans but I do question it sometimes. Like, I don't want breasts but I want a vagina, I don't think that you should need one for the other, but something in the back of my mind tells me that I do need both, but I don't want breasts. I fear I may be acting disrespectful right now towards Trans Women and just all types of women in general and I really apologize for that, I truly do.

Like I said before I am aroace but I am not romance repulsed. I just don't feel attraction towards anybody, but I think if I were to be in a relationship and they wanted sex then I would oblige because if I am in a relationship that means I truly love them and I want to take care of my loved ones' needs and desires. The thing is that I wouldn't have a preference if that person were a man or woman, and if it's a man (or anyone with male genitals in general) then I think most likely they'd want penetrative sex, and I couldn't give them that if I were to have a Vulvoplasty.

I feel like this has become bigger than my initial question (though I would like that question to still be answered, as it is a big deciding factor if I get the surgery) and I'm kind of fine with that really, I feel like I needed to get this out and ask these questions, but I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Again I am truly sorry if this is disrespectful or in bad taste, I just really hate how my downstairs area is and I didn't know what to do or who to talk to. But I would really appreciate if I could get some help and/or answers.

Much love ❤️- An Unsure Individual (I just realized I spelt my user wrong lol)