I have been trying to get in a relationship for about 3 years as of now with no success. I’ve only grown more and more avoidant due to the circumstances and I’m now looking into getting help from a therapist when I can afford it.

I never asked to be this way. I’ve wanted nothing but to belong to someone that cares about me and for me to support their needs. People who continue to talk to me tell me that I’m doing nothing wrong but will go on for days not texting me or checking up on me unless I make the first step every time. I’m tired of living like this. No one cares whether or not I disappear from their lives or what I’m doing with my time. I take up my time and hang out with these people and enjoy hanging out with them, but then there’s nothing else for me to do the moment I leave. All I have is the gym and my two jobs that fill out my schedule (60/hrs a week) and I’ve grown to understand that people in general don’t really care about me.

I try to stick my head out and let people know that I have interests in any kind of relationship and I keep getting rejected constantly. All I know is that anything else that I do would just be a waste of time at this point.

I’ve asked out 6 guys and they all said no with no explanation or just completely cut me off with no explanation.

I don’t even bother asking women out anymore because most of the women in my life have made it clear that I’m a loser and lack any kind of respect (which isn’t even true).

People have gone out of their way to make me feel bad for my appearance and then will question why I don’t put effort into even leaving the house anymore. What’s the point? Any exertion from me is always put into question and HAS to offend someone. I’m so fucking done

I’m tired of being alone and living like this. Without porn, my binge eating, and any kind of relationship to fall back into, what’s the point of anything?

Whenever I go down a rabbit hole looking up stuff on queer/lgbtq+ experiences, health, etc I always seeing the same starts coming up. Bi people tend to have it worse than our gay and lesbian counterparts. More anxiety, more depression, worse mental health overall, and higher rates of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. I haven't really seen the comparisons that include trans people, so I'm leaving that out cause I don’t know but for bi vs gay/lesbian the pattern seems to be pretty consistent.

I'm bi and I've lived it. I've dealt with violence and abuse from an intimate partner, and I've had/have depression and anxiety. So part of me reads those stats and thinks, ok yes that tracks. But somehow I still assumed gays and lesbians would be the ones struggling more. But then I’m like i actually don't know why I assume that. Visibility maybe?

I wonder if part of it is that most bi people are in opposite sex relationships, so we're often assumed to be straight, or we're not out, and that creates its own kind of stress cause people are closeted more?

Im a woman and I’ve been married to a woman for over a decade, and people tend to assume I'm a lesbian, but I'm actually bi/pan/queer. It's mostly my gay/lesbian friends who voice that assumption out loud. Everyone else doesn't really ask but I’m sure they assume too. I don't care much what people think anymore, but I guess that wasn’t always the case

But I'm really curious as to why you think it's worse for us? Is it the invisibility of like not fitting in with straight or gay spaces, and like people not taking bisexuality seriously, or is it something else?

I am in college and simply can’t come out. I have no way of knowing how my family will take it, but I don’t expect it to be taken positively. My parents help me with college funding and more. Coming out would just throw all of that away. I’m still learning to accept myself as a bisexual dude, but it’s pretty hard. I tell myself that I don’t care what others think about me dating another man, but deep down, I do care about being judged. Anyway, that’s I refuse to
come out until I’m financially stable and independent.

The problem is that there’s just so many attractive people that I want to get closer to. I probably don’t have a chance, but I don’t know I still like them. I just think dating another guy while closeted would be mean to them. I’ve heard how many closeted men can be devils at times, and it’s why many openly queer people tend to avoid them.

I mean we would be able to do couple things, it’s just that I’ll have to be sort of careful. My cousin goes to the same college, and I have no doubts he’ll tell my parents. Plus they all use social media (like tiktok) so posting on there would also be pretty risky. Any other social media platform is fine. These things just feel way too controlling.

There’s also a girl I like and she happens to be trans. I truly don’t care, but I know my family will. I feel like if we ever happens to date, telling her she can’t meet my family because of her trans identity is so fucked up.

I don’t know. I just want to be in a relationship but don’t want to hurt someone while doing it. I’m also not interested in hookups.

Hi so Im 19 and basically I need advice cause Im so confused atm, Basically I've always liked guys (I am a guy) but now I'm less sure if it's just guys or not like occasionally Im having cause to doubt that it is and it's just confusing as idk if I'm attracted to women or just able to acknowledge they are attractive yk so some advice on how to work it out or even just someone to talk to about it would be great thanks

I’m 30F happily married to my husband and partner of 10 years. I have recently been feeling like I haven’t been entirely true to who I am as a human, and have considered coming out at bisexual.

I have always been physically and sexually attracted to women, had several mild experiences in my teens, and have always been honest about wanting a sexual experience with a woman.

My question is if it is even worth identifying as such if it does not change anything in my marriage and life. Any sexual experience with a woman would only come with his involvement or consent. I don’t want to make him feel insecure, because I love him entirely and still see him as a my soulmate, but I also feel like I’m not being entirely true to myself without identifying?

Any advice?

I 22F come from a very conservative family. Where being gay or identifying as gay is a bad thing. I had a dream about one of my flatmates but (19F) she has a boyfriend and I don’t know what to do. I want to tell her but I don’t want to cause hell. Maybe I should tell her when I leave at the end of the year. I don’t want her to spread it around like wildfire that I like her but at the same time I feel I’m burning inside by not saying anything. I’m in second year she’s in first year. I think I have a crush on her idk. I’ve always been told not to flatcest so idk. She has a boyfriend. We’re in university.

TL:DR, I’m a conservative woman with African roots who has a crush on my flatmate who is a woman.

Please let me know if I’ve posted in the wrong subreddit so I can delete and repost elsewhere.

I am a male trying to get into fitness and stuff and I feel like I will be more motivated if I have a physique to aspire towards. Obviously different people are attracted to all kind of body types but what do you think is the "ideal" for attracting all genders?

the first girl i fell for and the same girl who made me realize i like girls just soft launched her boyfriend.

it has been years since we saw each other but i have always held a spot for her in my heart. i didn’t expect for us to come back into each-other lives but it still broke my heart to see her with another person, a man.

we were those girls who had a homoerotic friendship and were bestfriends for years.

not sure how to move on.

I (m20) only dated women before and I’d want to end up with a woman in the future.
Recently, I noticed that I kinda have feelings for one of my close male friends. I have at least a crush on him, I stopped going on dates because he’s always there in the back of my mind. I thought I was straight before all of that, but it would be dumb to still call myself that.
I don’t really know what to do about it. I’ve never been with a guy, I had this idea that I was gonna marry a woman in the future.. I also just don’t wanna miss out on that.
I don’t know if I should tell him, make a first move, or do anything. If it somehow works out and he doesn’t reject me, what do I do next? 😭 It’s difficult because I don’t even know what I want.

I (34F) feel sort of insane even thinking this, because there are many straight women in my life whom I love and respect, and I know they enjoy their relationships and their lives with men.

It’s not like that for me, though…

I will never forget the first time I saw the movie The Kids Are All Right because I had this visceral feeling that for the first time in my life I was seeing a family that I could imagine myself having as an adult. I can’t explain exactly why that is, because I’m relatively femme and I’m not a top and I don’t hate men and I am 100% sure I’m also sexually attracted to men. I just couldn’t ever see myself as some man’s wife. But I also I don’t think I’m bisexual and homoromantic. Before I dated women I had genuine romantic feelings for men, I had just decided I would never get married or have kids because the idea of it repulsed me until I allowed myself to imagine it with a woman.

The obvious answer is to just not date men, right?

The problem is that I am genuinely interested in a man for the first time in a long time. It started out as a sexual detour in between relationships with women but now I feel like it could become something more.

Yet now I have this fear, like a genuine mortal terror, that I will fall for him and I’ll never have the future I always envisioned for myself with a woman. It makes me feel like the woman from Good Luck Babe - I’ll wake up next to him in the middle of the night, head in my hands, nothing more than his wife. It makes me want to cry. It makes me feel like I’d lose myself completely.

Can anyone else relate to this? Do I have some kind of internalized heterophobia or something?

To be clear, I've been with guys before and it felt natural to me and I enjoyed it. My first long term relationship was with a guy when we were 16 and the sex was great and just felt right to me.

I'm now 19, in a relationship with a woman, and I love her but it doesn't feel the same as it did with my boyfriend, sex is awkward and we just laugh the whole time and it doesn't feel natural. I love her but it's not the same.

I always thought I was bisexual but I've been wondering if I'm actually gay. I don't want to hurt her but I do want to explore that and I don't know how to handle that. I really don't jive with hookup culture in general so it's hard to figure out on it's own.

I(F) want to start dating again. The last time I did was when I was in high school two years ago, in my senior year; we were both 18. We broke up three weeks in because of some stuff, but ever since then, I have wanted to start dating again.

However, the problem is I can't drive, and dating apps sort of scare me, but at the same time, I do college online out of convenience. I wouldn't mind dating apps, but the thing is I am trying to be safe; I don't want to die over it. I guess another problem I have is actually talking to people too; I can be pretty extroverted, but in a romantic sense, I have no idea what to do. For example, I remember encountering this woman at the mall, and I thought she looked pretty cool, but I didn't dare to talk to her because I didn't look my best and she was with friends.

So, I'm not sure what to do. I guess the right option here is learning how to drive despite my fears of it and working from there, but I still want to at least try now, and I have no idea how to go about it.

I (25M) came out to my partner (F26) today as bisexual in my 4 year relationship. It did not always have a happy ending.

Part of me knows that I can't hide the truth anymore, especially with my gf, whom I truly love. We have been together for 4 years and it was the greatest time of my life. She's beautiful, genuine and kind. I guess she knows that I am not like a regular boyfriend but more kinda fruity. But couple of months ago she found some pics of nude men in my phone, and was questioning my sexuality. Thought it's time to let her know, so I came out.

She had some time to think about how our relationship is going to be, but she found it very hard for her to continue dating me because of the flashback of the nude pics in my phone whenever we being intimate. We found it difficult to hug and cuddle each other, let alone having sex. And I don't blame her as it was not the best way for her to find out that I'm bi. We had a few chats but it did not go very well as we don't see ourselves in the future picture. She wants to continue to live as roommates but does not engage in a romantic relationship, until our lease ends.

The hardest thing is we're still on a lease for another six months. It's hard to break the contract and find another apartment and move out while I'm still looking a change in the workplace. But I also understand that I need to accept myself and embrace my sexuality rather than trying to make it to work. I still love her and I think she still does so that's why it's just hard for us to break up, unless she accepted me but I don't blame her if she wants to move on. It's just difficult living like a platonic friends since we've already in a serious relationship and still have feelings for each other.

I’m m18 and I’ve only ever dated women but I could never see myself having sex with them cause I don’t lowkey wanna have sex with them. but like i only had sex with men and every time they bring up expanding are relationship beside having sex i end up ghosting them cause i dont lowkey wanna date them

idk im just confused cause when I brought up with my friend they thought it was a little weird and it got me thinking if it was weird. Ik for a fact they weren’t trying to be rude it just got me questioning it. I mostly just wanna know if I’m not the only one and if there is a term for it

I’m 18F and I’ve recently been trying to understand my sexuality a little better.

I’ve always been attracted to men, both sexually and romantically. But I’ve also always found women attractive, and the thought of being intimate with another woman genuinely turns me on.

The thing is, I can’t imagine myself ever actually dating a woman or having romantic feelings for one. It’s just not something that appeals to me.

I’ve never done anything with a girl before, but I really do want to experience that side of my sexuality.

I also grew up in an environment where this kind of stuff wasn’t really talked about or explained to me. Half of my family isn’t very accepting of it either, so I feel like I’m going into this knowing absolutely nothing lol. I don’t really know the terminology, what’s considered normal, or even how to approach women in this way.

I’ve been thinking about talking to girls on dating apps, but I have no idea how to go about it. Like how do I explain that I’m sexually attracted to women but not interested in a romantic relationship without making it sound like I’m just trying to use someone?

And how do I bring that up naturally without being way too forward right off the bat?

I want to explore this part of myself, but I also want to be respectful of other women and their feelings. I don’t want to lead anyone on or make anyone feel like they’re just some experiment to me.

I’ve heard the term bisexual but heteroromantic, and I think that might describe me, but I’m still learning.

I guess I’m just looking for advice from women who have been in a similar situation or who are more experienced with dating women. How did you start exploring your sexuality? How do you approach women when you’re inexperienced? And is it common to be sexually attracted to women but not romantically?

I’d genuinely appreciate any advice.

I (f23) have identified as a lesbian for the past 5 years of my life. I have only ever dated girls seriously and lowkey made being a lesbian a core part of my identity. Recently I have started to question my sexuality and even went as far as to sleep with a man to "try it out". I didn't hate it, but I also wasn't like blown away. To make matters worse I am currently in a relationship with a woman now, but have been open with her about my struggles with questioning. Is it worth potentially losing a relationship to the woman I love over a "maybe I like men?". When i think about getting married its hard to picture it with anyone else other than a woman.

So some little backstory, I am a gay male, and I’ve been since I was little I used it like women when I was little but haven’t really liked any since yesterday this lady came into my work and she had this really nice accent and this really nice coat and idk I got the same feeling I would get seeing a hot guy, and idk what to do with this information I thought about having like straight sex or whatever you wanna call it and I don’t know if I can actually have it but seeing that lady kinda maybe me question my sexual orientation

I’m a 42 year old guy, and over the past few years, I’ve gradually come to the realization that I’m not as straight as I’d originally thought. In my 20s and 30s, I dated women and didn’t really think about men beyond a passing thought here or there. In my late thirties, something definitely shifted. I started noticing guys out in the wild and there was an undeniable attraction. I tried to suppress it, but my curiosity has only grown in its intensity. Now I’m at the point where I think I need to just embrace it.

I’d love to hear from guys who’ve experienced an evolving sexual identity in middle age. How did you feel about it? What did you end up doing about it? How did it impact your existing relationships? Did you end up coming out? Did you end up identifying as gay or bi in the end? How did you go about exploring it?

im starting to to think i might be a lesbian. i kind of only seek men out when im looking for quick external validation so i can feel reassured that im desired. which i know isn't healthy and im beginning to realise i don't usually have an interest in these men im just looking for validation. and with men it feels so low stakes and shallow like i know nothing will ever come of it so it just feels like an easy option? but with women it feels insanely high stakes and scary honestly but it feels like a deeper and more respectful connection that i actually want to seek out. i feel like i have no interest in men past the sexual which is barely even there.

but the good thing about men in my experience is they will be so nice in hopes of sleeping with you and they're forward with their desire which feels good but at the end of the day is surface level. and the thing with women is they're a lot less straight forward and it feels like one mistake leads to ghosting which does suck. to me, men are low risk low reward and women are high risk high reward. and so when the high risk isn't leading to high reward ill take a few low rewards in hopes of filling the void but it doesn't.

so basically when im feeling low about being ghosted by women i seek validation from men which yes isn't a good thing to do. i think ill have to set my apps to women only and just see how that goes. sorry this came off more venty than i intended lol

I (23F) have been questioning whether I'm bisexual or lesbian for over six months.

Recently, I met a woman whose sexuality I didn't know at the time. I thought she was kind of cute, but I didn't really think much of it. Later, while talking with my friends, I found out that she isn't straight. When I got home, I felt really anxious and overwhelmed, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I do find her really cute and sweet, but I'm not sure whether I actually like her.

For context, I've been attracted to men and had crushes on them in the past, which is part of why I've been so confused about my sexuality.

For those of you who are bi or lesbian, especially those who experienced their first crush on a woman later in life, does this sound like how a first female crush can feel? How did you know you were genuinely attracted to a woman rather than just finding her pretty?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

I randomly thought back about a moment few years ago where I looked in the mirror and said "dayum I got a fat ass if only I was gay" and that made me laugh so hard rn whahahahah.

Do yall have any moments, where before figuring out your sexuality you thought life would be better if u where gay?

She’s bi so I don’t expect any issues, tbh she probably won’t care in a relaxed way. I just can’t bring myself to do it
I’ve been bi probably almost ten years now, only ever had sex with my girlfriend of three years, she is also bi.
I always pushed these desires away though as up until a year ago I was extremely Christian and raised by a family just the same, so I thought it was morally wrong.
Now I’m not religious I know there ain’t nothing wrong with it, I’ve got no shame, I just for some reason can’t bring myself to tell my girlfriend even though it’ll probably all be fine.

I (32M) currently dating a woman (26F) who is curious about being with other woman for the longest time. She was in several heterosexual relationships in Turkey (she comes from a Muslim family) and was not able to explore that part of her sexuality. Now she moved to Europe and she feels less oppressed to connect with other woman.

So, months before meeting me, she tried different Apps to find some lesbian or bi woman to explore and understand her curiosity, but so far only had superficial dates (no sex). Then we connected and after a month dating she said she is emotionally attracted to me (hetero male) but that she does not want to progress further into a proper relationship (with full exclusivity) or to progress into having sex with me. She says she is scared to get even more attached to me and to began a relationship without experiencing women to women sex (since she does not want to regret never trying same gender sex as she did in her previous relationship). She also highlights that she is pissed she met me at this time of her life, because she really likes me but she is still confused about her sexuality.

I come from a very kinky hetero relationship in which I leaned a lot and opened my mind via going to kink clubs. For me it's very important that she feels herself and that there is no boundaries/blocks to proceed into the possible relationship we can have. Consent is my motto and I want her to feel sure about what step to make. I'm okay for her to try things, because I wouldnt like her to be exclusive to me without being sure if she likes women as well or not (imagine if she realizes she really likes women, I prefer for her to know that before we delve deeper intro our relationship so we can part ways if that case occurs).

She has told me several times that this worries her and that no matter what happens to us she wants me in her life (which I read as a strong foreshadowing that we are not gonna end together).

I think she actually could be a closeted lesbian, but she is looking after me and she has reassured me with words that she really likes me and want to spend time with me. I decided myself to not have sex or date anyone else since I really like this woman.

I want to know how to help her or to support her even more so she can explored that part of her sexuality (and then, how to support her in the relationship knowing that she is bi). I think we could have a threesome with other woman if she feel like it and we already had inmimacy. I told her that is an option although won't be the same as having only 1to1 sex her with another woman. So, what should I do? Just wait till she explores that part of her sexuality? Or should be stop dating and meet other people?

Also, first post, so sorry if there is some tag or something not correct. And thank you!

I (17M) am in a really young 5 month relationship with this girl (17F), we are bith bi but really young and lowkkk unexperienced in relationahips... I am her first relationship and the only girlfriend that I ever had was also bi and cheated on me with a girl, something which I feel has led me to develop a lot of trauma about how I feel about myself and my ability to make a partner happy... A year ago I moved highschools, coming from.a deeply religious family in texas my only option was a really conservative private highschool in which I met this girl, she is fucking awesome, she is in my friend group, I love her company, our talks, and I can confidently say she is my best friend, time passed by and decided to become something more...But there is a problem that stopped me from dating her for some time and it was that she has a really marked preference for girls... something that ofc didnt made me uncomfortable when we started talking but as I started to develop feelings for her that just made me feel fucking aweful, I felt like there was no way she could ever like me before becoming something and even when she started to reciprocrate those feelings towards me I highly doubted my ability to make her happy, I have great communication with her, we can talk about everything, we are bout so understanding and to an extent really mature, I lover her so fucking much and we have jist grown so close and personal to each other... but I have always had that feeling of feelong that I cant and never will be able to fully make her feel loved or feel the love that she would experiment with a woman, I feel like I will never truly satisfy her in any significant aspect as I am not a woman, she is more attracted physically to women and it just makes me sad to think that it is my fault that she isnt with someone that she would have more chemestry with and love much more than what she loves me, she has REALLY close female friendships, and they are not something I am insecure about, I have complete and full trust in her, but sometimes when I see her enjoying with them, danching with them, sharing with them, I just cant help but feel that she would be 100 times better with a girl than with me, the only times in which I feel truly desired is whenever she is in the mood, but I feel like that love is coming from just her being horny... but sometimes she puts alot of effort in the relationship and I end up feeling like an ungrateful prick because I feel like like she does love me, I just feel like she cant or will never fully love me because of that... anitger aspect of it is that she really would love an open relationship and even though I want her to be happy, I dont know how I feel about that... I feel like she should experiment and she should do whatever will make her happy but Im afraid I will sacrifice my own haoyness for that, it makes me feel weird that I dont feel the need to do the same even though I am also attracted to guys and it just makes me feel like not enough, like im stopping her from living her life and like im wasting her time. For the other hand I dont want to break up with her cuz I really love her. She is my best friend and in other aspects of our life I feel like she needs me as much as I need her... its just complicated, would love to know if someone is or was in a similar situation and if someone can say something that will help me...

She’s a dom apparently and I guess she sees me as a sub. She’s already mentioned wanting to try her strap on me . She also mentioned she wants me to lay on her lap like with my back on her legs belly up while she places a car key in my navel to see how deep it goes. I’m very scared and excited at the same time . I don’t even know how to be a submissive honestly. How should I even approach this ?