Last night at docklands..

How the hell are there so many massage parlours in Melbourne and greater Melbourne? They're everywhere. Are most people getting massages regularly and I'm the odd one out? On multiple strips of shops near me in the eastern suburbs there are two different competing massage shops. All within a 5km radius of each other, and several other massage shops at larger shopping centres. I'm just so curious how this massive industry survives. I don't think I've seen people actually go into half of them before, half only look open ⅓ of the time. It's just an element of Melbourne I've never given any thought and don't really know anyone that gets them or works at them to ask.

Edit: Are people actually taking the piss or are we genuinely saying stone faced that there are several brothels essentially every few Km in the suburbs? That seems crazy to me. Also why the hell aren't Johns just actually going to proper brothels?! Going to deregulated shifty ones doesn't just sound dubious as fuck, it seems genuinely dangerous. And if it's such an open secret that they're all shady rub and tug joints, why TF aren't we closing them down. That's so wildly irresponsible of the govt/police to let the biggest human trafficking industry on earth just run rampant.

Edit 2: The username is a reference to how easy being gender fluid would be for a muppet. Just because my username has genitals in it, doesn't make me an expert on Melbourne prostitution rings. I appreciate the almost irony, but it's just a coincidence.

Edit 3: Why is everyone insisting I'm a bloke?

Don’t be like this guy and dump your rubbish in the bush. Nice work leaving your full name and address in the rubbish. Maybe after being fined you might think again, although I doubt you have the brain capacity to learn from your mistakes.

This is a rant but I want to get this off my chest.

Delivery rider here. Around 5:30am this morning my e-bike was stolen from outside the McDonald's in Southbank while I was inside picking up an order. Came out and it was just gone, my delivery bag left on the ground. I didn't lock it cuz it was my first time doing deliveries in the city and I didn't knew how common stuff like this is. I left my bike literally next to 2 bikes which were basically unlocked. I'm the unlucky one who's stuff got stolen unfortunately :(

Bike details: It's a Estate EST-EMB30 27.5" (tempo is the company I think?) Blue frame, black battery on the downtube Black phone mount on the handlebars

Reported to police. If you see it on Marketplace, Gumtree or being ridden around, please let me know.

Then while I was waiting hours for police, a guy and his mates started laughing at me and asking what was in my bag. I got annoyed and wasn't exactly polite back, and it escalated. He started filming me, called me names, and told me to "take it outside." I stopped responding and they started calling me a lil b***h + telling me that "you aussies got no idea where I'm from and what I can do". I'm not even Aussie lol, I got tired of it honestly and said sure mate and then they left.

Pretty shit morning honestly. Got into the city at 4am trying to make some extra money and went home with no bike. If anyone's had a bike recovered in the CBD, any tips appreciated.

Preferably in the Footscray area! Chips and gravy are life

Hey all, for context recently I was kicked out of my house by my mum and now I’m living with a relative, although I am the stereotypical broke 20 year old uni student I hate this ordeal, I live far from uni and friends and it’ll take a long time to reach prospective jobs.

If possible I want to move out as soon as it’s financially feasible for me to do so, I’m looking for a better job as fast food isn’t good for anymore and I’ll either get a small 1 bedroom place or move with a friend if possible.

Although I’m in the process of getting on Centrelink I really want a realistic estimate it’ll take to move out in melbournes south east suburb and how much I should be earning a week to make it sustainable, I’ll starting from scratch as most my possessions are just clothes so any help would be appreciated.

Hi all,

I did my Ps test today, and the tester said I was unsuccessful, but refused to give a reason as to why and said I did everything okay.

Is something like that appealable?? I got the form back and it said unsuccessful, but also wrote down that nothing needed improvement, and the reason for failing is listed as "Other Danger"

What can I do in this situation? Do I just book another test and hope for the best??

Hey Melbourne!

I ran my first half marathon here on Sunday and was curious to see how my time stacked up against everyone else who competed.

While looking into the results, I came across a post by u/TomasTTEngin from last year and decided to put together something similar for this year's event.

Thought I'd share it with the Melbourne community, especially anyone who ran on Sunday or is interested in the stats!

Hopefully, you'll find it useful.

Does anyone know what's happening with the Bendi in Collingwood? I heard they were back open this weekend. They had something going on Thursday night but it wasn't open Friday?

I know The Mill aren't involved anymore which is a shame, but hoping they don't change it too much (was one of the rare live music venues you could get good beer on tap).

So what's the go? Is it open? No mention of opening times on socials or the strange poster I saw taped up to the side of the venue...

Did anybody actually understand this? I went and it started great with the long form video of a band in a studio playing some great vibes but after that, i was lost.
I didn't understand the narrative at all. There didn't seem to be any continuity, no real stories, nothing i could really latch on to.

It was made out to be a story of the evolution of music, the vinyl thing made it seem like perhaps it was a timeline based exhibition.

I just didn't get it...

I was really hoping the listening room was going to be great and that was, i'm sorry to say, pretty terrible for anyone who has heard high end audio before. Those that haven't would have thought it was a great sound. The Pitt and Giblin loudspeaker were/are excellent, bUT the system was not balanced, and played right channel high. Not just a bit but a lot. I was sad dead centre and magically had no one sitting in my line of sight between each speaker so there was nothing to "block" the sound reaching me.

They were playing Gil Scott-Herron when i went in and he is a brilliant artist but the poorly set up system was just impossibly distracting. I think if Pitt & Giblin walked in they'd have been dissapointed at how their loudspeakers were being represented.

I really wanted to love this exhibition but maybe i'm just not smart enough to understand it?

Hello r/melbourne. I'll try to keep this short, as this is now my fourth attempt to write this post without crying lol

Last week, I very sadly had to say goodbye to my beautiful ginger derp, Coco.

Times are tough for many of us at the moment, but I had the great fortune of having a number of people who were able to spot me financially during Coco's last days. Without those people I would have been absolutely fucked vet bill-wise, and I also wouldn't have been able to bring him home with me so he could have his final sleep on his favourite blanket on my bed, with me cuddling him. I want to try to pay this forward as much as I can, and in the wake of Coco's passing I have a bunch of things that I would love to go to a good home, especially his prescription food.

I have the following to give away:

• nearly 3 boxes (35x sachets) of Royal Canin Urinary S/O wet food
• nearly 1/2 a kilo of Royal Canin Urinary S/O kibble
• nearly a kilo of Hills t/d dental care kibble
• nearly 2x full 15kg boxes of Catsan clumping clay litter
• a shitton of catnip
• a cat-shaped cardboard cat scratcher which he never used
• a couple of cat toys he was uninterested in

DMs are open. All items are to be picked up from the inner south suburbs, and you can take any or all of it. I WFH a few days a week, so weekday/weeknight pickups are fine as well as weekends (in fact that might be easier if possible, but we can discuss).

Please hug your furry/fluffy/fuzzy/feathered/finned/scaled (okay maybe not finned) friends tight for me today. I would do anything to have him leave orange fur all over my black clothing right now (the house is so disturbingly CLEAN I hate it).

EDIT: All these items have now been claimed. Thank you for all your lovely, kind comments and condolences, and of course for all the photos of your beautiful bebes <3

From a sophisticated 70s restaurant with hot-pink light shades, to a St Kilda cake shop and the all-you-can eat smorgasbords of the suburbs, Chris Macheras's latest coffee table book is brimming with Melbourne's culinary history. 

But the book's beginnings are also quintessentially Melbourne — or at least Melbourne as we knew it in 2020.

I only now just realised i lost him after taking everything out of my bag and getting ready to take another photo of him but I lost him within the general area of Melbourne Central or maybe even on the way to Critical Hit.

I've had him since I was a kid and he means a lot of me of anyone finds him.

This was the last picture i had of him too at flappy's fried chicken

Hi crew! 41F always been fit and healthy, lift 5x weekly. Last few years it seems I’m dealing with injury after injury. Looking for an absolute pearler of a physio, or sports physio. My Osteo has changed hands and I’m not loving the new set up. I work with an EP fortnightly but want someone for good manual therapy when I’m in a tight spot lol. I’m in the inner north. Any/all recs will be massively appreciated. Winner gets a tray of home made brownies. Thank you! Enjoy the sunshine!