I just wanted to put this out there because it's been on my mind for a bit. My mother was a bit distant from me, didn't teach me a whole lot, although she herself likes different crafting arts (mainly glass). I'm the youngest of 3 girls, been pretty ignored by my older sisters, had substantial emotional neglect, and have always had this simmering mother hunger. So while I enjoyed drawing and photography, I would get really into reading about the average woman through different time periods. It was more than learning the history; I wanted to be closer to whatever next maternal figure I had. Mom's mother died when my mom was 15, and I'm assuming that left a wound she didn't know what to do with. I think a bit of that was passed onto me, and while not as large, I also have a hole in my heart for where my mom's touch would be. But having little guidance of traditionally feminine work, I wanted to know exactly how women before me lived, and that eventually turned into also how they made things.
Even on my honeymoon in Romania, I was most interested in the wedding blankets the women of the village we stayed in were made. They took months, sometimes years, and built up a stash for the daughter to take to her new home (correct me if I'm wrong). I thought it was beautiful, and again- maybe something I felt hungry for. The hours of work poured over something that would then cover you in warmth... How fitting for a mother's love.
Starting knitting has helped me to fill a little of that hole in my own heart. I have three children now and my biggest wish is to be able to show them everything I know. I try hard not to see my daughter as myself. I also want my little boys to learn everything I had to figure out on my own. When I take beginner classes, I can ask questions from older women in my area face to face, which feels special these days. I work through mistakes, imagining my gas fireplace is real. My kids like watching the silly things I make right now before I get better. I try to share it with them.
I feel closer to the woman who used the 1800s spinning wheel in the antique shop because I've seen one working now and understand how yarn is made. For her, it was just life. But for me, what began as a seemingly niche hobby turned into appreciating that throughout time, we are all not so different.
Imagine my surprise when my mother recently told me that my grandmother was an excellent knitter! Mom opened up a tiny bit about how she wish she could have learned from her and regrets never picking it up. I was struggling with sticking with my first project until I learned that. My grandmother, my mother, my children, and all my earlier grandmothers before me make this endeavor much more than just another activity. Does anyone else feel something similar?
