My husband and I are FTPs to a 6-month baby girl. The pregnancy went very smoothly, but she got stuck during labor and I opted to get a c-section after 4 hours of pushing. Because of this, my recovery was much more challenging than both of us had anticipated, and I really relied on my husband for the first few weeks while he was on leave. Oddly enough, during these initial weeks, I had a relatively high libido but we didn't act on it since I had not been medically cleared yet. When my husband went back to work, I had a tough time adjusting to both taking care of myself and our daughter (who has been exclusively breastfed), and I found myself getting physically and emotionally overwhelmed. Since then, I have pretty much had no sex drive. I think we have had sex less than 10 times since I was cleared. I truly don't have any desire to have sex. I don't think about it at all during the day, and I currently don't miss it. The thought of trying to have sex is both exhausting and grosses me out, not because I think he is gross but like it just makes me so uncomfortable after a full day of holding our daughter. Also, for a long time, the skin around my c-section scar was so sensitive that just the slightest brush against it would make my skin crawl, and I don't know if he ever fully understood that despite me explaining it to him.

Despite this, I love getting to cuddle with him, hold hands, give (very PG) kisses, but these things all seem to lead to him making moves on me. We have had SO many conversations about this. He tells me that he doesn't feel wanted. I apologize and tell him I love him but that I think this is really all hormonal and will eventually pass when I'm done breastfeeding. He acknowledges this and lets me know that we don't have to have sex together. I become relieved because I don't want that. He gets frustrated that I am relieved by this and gets upset saying I am shaming him for having a sex drive. A couple of times, he has suggested that I am not trying hard enough to be interested in sex again. I don't really know what to do. I've done pelvic floor PT, which has definitely made sex a more enjoyable and not-painful experience, but it certainly hasn't increased my libido. I've gotten back into running, which is so exciting and liberating, but despite feeling much more "me" in my body, it also hasn't made me feel like having sex. Our daughter is also still sleeping in our room (I am feeling very anxious about trying to put her to sleep in her nursery), and it just feels weird sometimes to try having sex when she is literally just a couple feet away.

Now that I'm back at work full-time (mostly in office but partly wfh) and he is taking the rest of his paid leave to watch our daughter for the times I am in office, I think he has an expectation that I will suddenly want to have sex again. But actually now I feel like I want it even less! My days are completely absorbed by breastfeeding and being primary caretaker in the morning, going to work, pumping during my lunch break, working some more, racing home to breastfeed and take over caring for our daughter, then eating solids + bathtime before getting her and myself ready for bed. He has told me that I shouldn't feel as tired because he is "doing everything now", which to be fair he does make us dinner every night now since I am the one watching her in the evenings. But from my perspective, I am still the one doing her laundry (read: I haven't gotten to do my own laundry in 2 weeks and he insists that he can't figure out how to wash my clothes), all of her baths, managing her introduction to solids, making sure she is getting her supplements, doing all the night time changes and feeds, managing her doctor's appointments, etc.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here...honestly just needing to rant. I just feel like we keep having the same conversation over and over and it's not going anywhere.

Hi all, I hope this is the right subreddit to post in. I am a FTM, I’m 24, and I just had my baby Monday (6 days ago). I had an uncomplicated, quick vag birth, 1st degree tear and 2 stitches. My baby was 6lb 14oz so not large.

I made the mistake of looking down there with a handheld mirror yesterday to look at my stitches. I noticed the hole looks rather large and there’s a pink bulge near the opening. I put a gloved finger in the opening and it felt like it was collapsed in on itself.

I am kind of freaking out and I’m worried I have a prolapse. I already deal with really bad endometriosis so the thought of having even more issues down there terrifies me. Experienced moms, is this temporary or should I worry about it being permanent? Is there anything I can do besides going to pelvic pt? I have an appointment set up for 6 weeks pp.

Hi guys I'm really desperate. I have a 4,5 month old and he has been fussy since 2,5-3 months. He doesn't like the stroller, the swing, the car, anything. He needs so much support to even fall asleep in the babyswing where i could have put my older son anytime and he loved it and fell asleep so easily. I have to regulate him for every nap because he always cries first like crazy and I have to sooth him so much untill he relaxes.

Which makes me worry is also his eating. Through the day i have to fight for every bottle, it's so hard to get him drinking and before the nap i also have to sooth him a lot untill he starts drinking but when he does he drinks a lot so it's not that he's not hungry. I also think that is a huge reason why he wakes up a lot in the night but through the night he drinks his bottles so easily and fast, but given the amount of milk he drinks he has a lot of gasses from 4am till the morning. I also have the feeling that he doesn't like being layed on his back.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any ideas or a similar situation?

EDIT: thank you for the comments. It seems like such the obvious answer to just say “they’re just some booboos, they’ll get better”. I just have been overwhelmed with this whole situation and couldn’t think of the words. I want to include that I am looking into hospitalization options for my sister. Thank you again for helping clear the fog and give me some easy words to use.

CONTENT WARNING: self harm

My sister moved in with us about two years ago. Prior to living with us, she was living with our abusive parents and we basically had to help her leave in the middle of the night for her own safety. She is 22 years old and has a lot of mental health problems that we are trying to be patient with and offering as much help and support as possible. She does not pay rent. We bought her a car to drive. We don’t really make her do any chores around the house and she really only interacts with my toddler every once in a while.

However, she has been self-harming and while we are addressing that issue and getting her help, my toddler (3) noticed and is now asking questions. I grew up in the tumblr age and remember a lot of romanticization of self harm and self harm scars. I do not want to romanticize this behavior in any capacity but I also don’t want to traumatize him. I’m not really sure what to do in this situation and I’m not sure if it’s heinous of me to ask my sister to make sure her injuries are covered. They are fresh, not scars. It just feels like such a delicate situation. I used to self harm as a teenager so this is super triggering for me as well. I am at an absolute loss on how to answer or how to talk to my toddler about it. When he asked I just said “I’ll talk to you about it later, let’s play cars right now” to not make it a big deal. I don’t want him to fixate on it. I’m not bringing it up unless he asks again. I know I want to be very calm and very matter of fact when I do talk to him. I just genuinely do not know what to even say.

Thanks for any advice. Apologies if this post is not allowed here. If there’s a better place to ask please let me know. My sister is being helped by a professional and living in a safe home.

How to help a 5y boy who has caught a viral flu, to rest at night without continuous coughing? I tried giving him warm water, honey, applied warm oils on his chest but nothing soothes it. I got him checked by his pediatrician a day prior (he didnt have cough then, just a runny nose) and I think the antihistamines are making him really drowsy. Cz im not even sure if the coughing fits disturbed him. He threw up once and still fell back asleep like nothing happened.

Has anything worked for y'all mums? I'm desperate here. Hes been coughing for the last 2 hours!

Any remedies, tips, or things that made nighttime easier would be so appreciated.

TIA

Looking into Christmas presents for the kids (1.5/4) and we want to replace the two chairs they are currently using in our living room because they are getting older and the 1.5 yo wants to sit in the 4yos “chair”. What have yall done for chairs? I’m not worried too much about space but would like to get chairs that grow with them for several years.

TIA

It was clear to me from the beginning of our relationship that hygiene and cleanliness were way more important to me than to my boyfriend. When I talked to him about it at first, he chalked it up to having been a “bachelor” and also to his unmedicated ADHD. He was briefly seeing a psychiatrist and was prescribed Vyvanse, which he took for a month before he ironically forgot to go to his next appointment so that the meds could be refilled. I will say he has just recently made an appointment with a new psychiatrist for later this month, so that’s something.

I got pregnant with our son ~3 months into our relationship, so there was no real time to think about the long-term consequences of this problem. Admittedly, I was freshly 24 and naive and thought things would get better.

I love my boyfriend a lot, he is an amazing friend and partner to me in so many ways, and he is a very loving and involved father. But I am losing any patience I had left for this hygiene issue.

He doesn’t regularly or consistently brush his teeth, wear deodorant, or shower. He works a blue collar job where he’s going to sites that are dirty, have literal piles of dead bugs he has to wade through, rodents, rodent droppings, etc. and he comes home sweaty and covered in diesel. He doesn’t work a cushy office job where he’s sitting inside in A/C and can get away without showering. He needs to be showering everyday when he gets home from work and at most he showers twice a week.

He also does things like burps and farts loudly, and won’t even try to cover his mouth or turn his head away. He spits obnoxiously in parking lots. I don’t have an issue with bodily functions. I don’t expect my partner to hide away every time they have to pass gas. But it feels like he makes a show of it. When he burps, he’ll tilt his head up, open his mouth as wide as possible, and just let loose and it’s so gross and off putting to me. It honestly feels disrespectful.

We just moved into a new house with two bathrooms- one in the basement and one on the top floor. There’s no bathroom on the main floor, but the stairs up and down to get to the bathrooms are short and easy. But, when he has to pee, he’ll literally go outside to our porch and pee off of it instead of going to the bathroom because he doesn’t want to use the stairs. When I’ve confronted him about it, he’ll change his reasoning to “peeing outside is one of the great perks of having a penis”, which is even worse to me.

I can’t snuggle with him or kiss him because the smell is so bad. I’m embarrassed when we’re around other people because I’m worried they can smell him too. Our son is only 22 months, but I’m really worried about him picking up his father’s bad hygiene habits as he gets older. I want to teach my son the importance of taking care of himself. I don’t want my son to be the smelly kid or to grow into an adult man who doesn’t shower regularly.

I don’t want to end our relationship because of this. I don’t want my son to grow up with his parents separated because his dad couldn’t make the effort to brush his teeth. But I also don’t want to be in a relationship where my partner doesn’t take care of himself for the rest of my life. I’m at the point now where I’m not even nice or gentle about it, I just will straight up tell him he stinks and needs to
take care of himself.

Has anyone else had a problem like this and been able to work through it? I’m at my wits end.

Hey, mommas.

Do any of you have a husband that hunts? Right now, mine’s in a dual season and is turkey/deer hunting. He spent 13 hrs away from the house yesterday. Then left again this morning, got back at 11 and expects to go back out at 2:30… I have a 3yo, 19mo (both are sick) and I am 5 months pregnant. That was just this weekend. This will pretty much be consistent until end of deer season. He’s telling me he’s taking off Monday to “spend time with us” but fully expected to hunt that morning - but I need help watching the boys since I have an OB appt. So he is now expecting to go out tomorrow afternoon…

I don’t want to control his hobbies - but I’m effing exhausted. I don’t go out. I don’t do anything to get “me time” - not that I really need it, but he acts like his world is ruined if I ask to go to the grocery store by myself!

I want to ask him if he can start considering his family and ask him to only leave to hunt one time per day when he wants to hunt. Honestly, I think it’s more than reasonable, right? If it is, how would you word it so it’s more likely to be received as a “we need you here” instead of “I’m trying to control you” …?

I mean - he got back at 11 this morning. He watched church for an hr (which he missed for the 7th time). Is currently mowing the yard (takes about 1.5 hrs) and is expecting to be out of the house again by 2:30. It’s currently 12:30.

I know hunting season is only for a little while, but he has other hobbies that take him out of the house throughout the year…. If it was only for this season, I wouldn’t bother.

Please, let me know if I’m being an angry wife/mom or am thinking reasonably?

Also - please, don’t be like “why’d you marry and have kids with him” … he’s a good man but gets blinded by buck fever. He’s allowed to be excited by things in his life. He’s happy to let me be at home with our babies while he works his ass off. He’s a great dad, but has selfish tendencies. As we all do.

Apologies in advance if this comes off as bragging.

My son is 3 years old. We began introducing the potty about 6 months ago, just casually to get him used to it. I was dreading potty training after hearing that boys are harder to train. Then one weekend I decided it was time. Got the Oh Crap book and kept him without clothes for 3 days. First day, 2 accidents. Second day, none. Third day, one accident and an outing where he stayed dry! It's been almost 3 weeks now and he almost never has accidents at home and knows when he has to go. No fear for pooping on the potty either. I am shocked at how easy this was. I figure it was just the right time to do it, he was ready.

He also had a dentist appointment where they told him that he should start trying not to suck his thumb anymore because it could hurt him (meaning it could wreck his palate). Couple days later and he has stopped completely. I bought the bitter tasting nail polish in anticipation of it being a battle since he's a lifelong thumb sucker. But nope. One talk with the dentist and he understood I guess??

Toddlers blow my mind sometimes.

My ten year old daughter wants to dress up as one of their characters for Halloween and she wants take a manga to class in school to show she's wearing a book character. She watched My Hero Academia, Naruto, and is starting to be interested in Demon Slayer. I haven't watched it, is it appropriate?​

Can we commiserate about health issues for a second?

How many of you feel just as destroyed as I do?

I got Hashimotos from the hormone shifts after pregnancy. I also got psoriasis. Both of these autoimmune conditions made it so I can’t tolerate gluten or dairy anymore or else I’ll flare them.

I also have low iron. Possibly autoimmune.

I think I’m going into perimenopause at 35 because my cycles are so short and I have other peri symptoms.

I got diagnosed with ADHD because I couldn’t handle motherhood. Medicated and thats been wonderful but

My god.

My 6 year old was completely nonverbal until he was 4 1/2 years old, out of nowhere he started talking and hasn’t stopped since.
I was in a few groups of parents with autistic/neurodivergent kids but since he’s started talking I’ve been pushed out of these groups.

He’s high functioning level 1 autism and has severe adhd but because he’s not as bad as he was before a lot of moms are telling me that my situation doesn’t fit into the group anymore and that I should find other parents who have kids with less severe disabilities that can more relate to me.

It’s fucking exhausting being a parent, I was just trying to reach out and connect with other moms and they’re telling me my situation isn’t bad enough to be there.

Lol what the fuck.

Hi, honestly not sure if this is the right place or not but I need laundry help. My kiddos wore their costumes to a farm for an event and now the costumes are super dirty. The kids really want to wear them again for Halloween and the package says spot clean only. Buzz light-year and woody from spirit Halloween, for reference.

Thank you!!!

Hi,

My husband is getting back to work after paternity leave. We have a 1 month old baby. I was wondering how other mums go into this transition.

My husband will be away for all day and get back home in the evening. I'm worried about being all day long alone with the baby - he cries a lot and most of the time it's very difficult to put him to sleep, so I am worried about how I will handle this, whether I'll get any downtime and whether I'll be able to do anything outside of the house. And then at night, I wake up around 3 times to feed baby.

We don't have a routine yet, and some days we don't even get out of the house because baby's behaviour is still unpredictable, so I am worried I will be stuck in the house. I have my mum, who is a great help, but I don't want to rely solely on her, and I also want to fill my day with other things, such as going for walks, meeting friends. But I'm afraid I won't be able to do this because he's very fussy.

Any ideas or people's experiences would be highly appreciated. Thanks!

I don’t know how my husband managed it, but he brought HFMD into our home and infected me. I’ll admit I thought we were relatively safe from experiencing this illness since my kids are not in childcare and we just don’t get exposure to large amounts of people and kids. It was my understanding that this illness runs rampant in daycares and preschools, sometimes kindergarten. I feel very foolish thinking we’d skip this illness haha.

Anyway.. My husband’s blisters showed up overnight. I have the low fever, the sore throat, the flu like symptoms that started last night, so I’m sure I’ll get the blisters tomorrow.

I’m not super concerned about our 3 year old getting it. Kids get this, and they’re ok. But what about my 4 month old baby? I was kissing all over on him yesterday 😭

Given how common HFM is, I’m sure plenty of you have dealt with it in your homes in general and possibly maybe some of you have experience with young infants getting it. I just want to hear experiences, advice, products or medicines that helped you get through this.. I’m currently very worried that my baby will get it, develop the mouth sores and refuse to eat.

My 20 mo old daughter had what I thought was petechiae and me being me I rushed her to the children’s ER to get some bloodwork. CBC came back great, in fact platelets were on the mildly elevated side, neutrophils same on the mildly elevated side. Hemoglobin 12.1 and wbc right in the middle of normal. No blasts. So all this is reassuring and I’m not worried about cancer.

However, again me being me I want to know WHY she got the petechiae. It was very mild and really only 5-6 dots on her eyes and disappeared by end of day. Doctor said it was from coughing (she has a post viral cough) but I’m not sure bc she’s obviously coughed before and never got this.

My running theory is that it came from her amoxicillin reaction - she got a blanching rash for a few days after finishing the amox which is common. And from my research I’ve found that the amox reaction made her blood vessels more fragile so it was easier to get the petechiae or capillary marks or whatever you want to call them. Ny daughter’s pediatrician is just like “doesn’t matter her bloodwork is great.”

Soo just wondering if anything like this has happened to your kiddos

This is mostly a rant, but if you have suggestions, I’d love them. Okay, here it is…

Why are toddler shoes so expensive?!

Toddler shoes are running $30-$60 a pair. Now, I acknowledge I’m looking at some nicer brands, Stride Rite, Jan and Jul, Ten Little, See Kai Run - all those wide toe box, good foot development type of shoes. But can we not buy proper footwear at a reasonable price? For Pete sake, we have to buy shoes every few months and we can’t keep spending this much every time. I even go through the sale shoes and prices are still so high.

So then I go to the kids consignment store and look at shoes and the pickings are slim!! Even worse, I once went to the consignment store, passed up on a pair of nice shoes because they were the wrong size, and then saw them on Facebook MarketPlace a week later where someone was selling them for triple the price of what the consignment store had them at!!! WTF?

If you’re born with feet, good luck!

Hi everyone,

I’m an expat FTM living in Germany with my 14 months old daughter. I am completely drowning and looking for advice, solidarity, or practical frameworks from anyone who has navigated a similar survival mode.

​We are dealing with an intense overlapping loop of sleep, feeding, and behavioral exhaustion:

​The Anemia Recovery & High Chair Struggle: She was diagnosed with mild-to-moderate anemia and has been on prescribed iron drops for 2 weeks now. She refuses to eat meaningful amounts in her high chair (she takes a couple of bites and shuts down), so I end up feeding her while she plays, turning meals into very long, drawn-out sessions.

​The "Velcro" Clinging & Low Movement: Because she spends so much time eating or being held, she has become a total velcro baby. She demands to be carried the second I step into the kitchen (even just for water) and won't get down. When we go outside to play, she just sits in one spot, doesn't move, and tries to eat sand and leaves. Her overall physical activity has tanked.

​The Sleep Nightmare (4–6 Hours of Fighting Sleep): This is breaking me. She is now down to just 1 nap a day that lasts a miserable 45 minutes. Bedtime and nap transitions are taking 4 to 6 hours a day of active struggle. When I nurse her to sleep, she won't close her eyes. Instead, she treats the bed like a playground: she does yoga, dives and dips onto the mattress like a drunk, plays with her comfort blanket (pulling and trying to rip it), and flaps her hands and kicks.

​Eye-Fighting: While nursing to sleep, she actively fights her own exhaustion. She rubs and pokes her eyes, and actually pulls/pinches her own eyelids and lashes to force herself to stay awake. When she finally rolls away from that, she starts playing and doing yoga again for over an hour.

I would like to add that her food refusal isn't new. She had a flu when she was 9 months old, and since then she's stopped eating well. She plays with the food, throws on the floor and tells me to pick it up and repeats. When is does finally take a bite she spits it out. We have spoke to her pedeatrician and he says she's gaining weight so all's good.

​What I need help with:

​Breaking the Sleep Fight: Has anyone dealt with a toddler who physically fights sleep by poking/pulling her own eyelids and doing gymnastics for hours? How do you reset a broken sleep schedule when 1 nap isn't enough, but bedtime takes 5 hours?

​Encouraging Movement & Rebuilding Stamina: How do I get an unmoving, velcro 1-year-old (who is recovering from anemia) to actually burn energy outside instead of just sitting and eating sand/leaves?

​Appetite & High Chair Refusal: How long did it take for your toddler's energy and appetite to bounce back after starting iron drops? How do you handle mealtime refusal without turning it into a 45-minute ordeal?

​Mental & Physical Survival: How do you protect your own body and sanity when you are trapped under a toddler for hours of nursing and carrying every single day?

If you have crawled out of a 1-year-old sleep regression and exhaustion spiral like this, please tell me how you survived. Thank you so much.

I’m 3 weeks pp via c-section at 37 weeks. Baby is healthy and all good. I, however, am not, but not sure if it’s postpartum depression or just resenting my husband.

When it comes to baby, he has been all-in. Without asking, he changes diapers, makes formula, feeds baby, helps with blow-outs and baths, and does baby laundry. He’s really stepped up to be a great dad and I’m hoping his enthusiasm continues as the weeks/months/years pass.

When it comes to me, he is typically very thoughtful, but constantly missteps. For example, he held my hand through the C-section, providing words of encouragement, gives me praises for doing so well with breast feeding, and calls me beautiful every day. However, he also does things every day that makes me feel worthless. For example, while I was doing dishes I said I was hungry, and minutes later he heated up leftovers for himself and ate them. I’m supposed to wear the belly band every day, but lost it in the house after coming home from the hospital. Three weeks has gone by with me saying daily that I can’t find it and that it’s important I wear it. Not once has he offered to look for it or even get me a new one. I swear I’ve picked more things off the floor since coming home that I have in my whole life (which really hurts to bend over right now), and he offers to pick them up, but after I’m already bent down… and I know if I just leave it there for him, it will be there for a week and I’ll end up getting it anyway. A week after I was home I told him that he should be offering me snacks since I’m breast feeding and can’t get up. Since then, he has only offered me snacks 4 times (minutes after a big dinner, while laying down for sleep, seconds after stepping out of the shower, and once he just tossed crackers at me while I was sitting on the couch with baby). I’ve spent almost every day working on the nursery (which still needs unpacked and organized), but he hasn’t helped. I haven’t had a true day of rest since delivery. This is just a very short list of examples.

In any case, I’ve had full-on crying sessions in private over these incidents. They make me feel worthless and that my healing doesn’t matter. Like I don’t matter. I finally looked at and felt my c-section scar today and it’s hard as a rock. I can’t help but think if I actually got to relax and heal properly these past 3 weeks, that maybe it wouldn’t be like this. I feel like my opportunity to heal properly was stolen from me and I’ll forever have this scar as a reminder. I know I’m not depressed over the baby or the birth, but because of my husband. I’ve tried thinking of all the good things he’s done, but my mind always goes back to the hurt since I’ve been home. I know my hormones are all over right now, because I’m not the crying type, so I don’t know if I’m just being too emotional. I’ve brought these up to him and he apologizes and will then do something sweet (tonight he insisted I get extra sleep and even tucked me in), but then I know he’ll do or say something hurtful again later. Is this PPD making me feel extra feelings? Or is this just me being upset with my husband and nothing more? This depression has made me feel like I’m not worth taking care of myself and I’ve discontinued all meds last week (even my meds I’ve been on for years). I’m not sure if this is worth bringing up to my doctor.

Have been tracking my cycle for the past 11 years (off and on with kids) and my luteal phase has always been around 11 days. Max 12 days. I am currently on day 13. I am 42 now - would my luteal phase change with age?

I got my blood work done and my amh is 1.8, FSH is 5.6 and tsh is 0.9 so I don’t think I am in perimenopause yet (no symptoms). Thoughts?

My daughter recently celebrated a birthday and my parents gave her some outdoor toys to play with through the fall. I have no problems with second hand toys, but they got a slide with one of the steps broken and a playhouse that was repainted at some point and the paint is chipped and looks pretty terrible.

We are all in financial positions to buy new, or buy nicer secondhand items. They got these for free, and it’s clear why they were free.

I’m annoyed and already have a complicated relationship with my parents. My daughter is the only grandchild so they love her well. They are not local so we only see them every couple of months. Do I just let this go and not say anything? My mom has made snide comments in the past when I told her a box of books she gave us had broken/ripped/unusable books in it and that I was frustrated that she didn’t go through the box before bringing it. She has held onto stuff from my and my siblings childhood to pass along which is sweet but after 5 kids and 30+ years a lot of it is garbage. How do I hand this?

Without getting into details one of my sons grandparents appears to thrive on anxiety, it feels like they don’t k ow what to do with themselves without something to be anxious about and they kind of pry or question me until they are given more info about any given situation. It feels as if they are searching for something to worry about. This person has pretty bad insomnia from worry, won’t listen to any suggestions to try to help themselves because they clearly feel it is part of their family trait pattern and “just the way I am”. It sounds so torturous to me to live like that and not healthy at all. Also they told my 4 yr old that they can’t sleep at night cause they are always worrying about him. I think that’s inappropriate to tell a 4 yr old. He was clearly thinking about it and asked me why. I told him his grandparent is a worrier and they love him a lot and that’s why they worry more I guess. Now I’m realizing that’s so dumb for me to have said that cause it sounded like I equated worry with the amount you love someone. Prob can’t undo that now but any suggestions how to try? Humans are so messed up , all of us in one way or another. I can’t say I never worry but this is off the charts and I almost feel like just putting up a blockade as far as sharing any information outside of basic with them cause it’s almost like they are using us to feed the purpose of their life which seems like worrying and they even appear to believe that if they worry it prevents bad things from happening. Of course they would absolutely not ever talk to a dr about their issue case they don’t regard it as an issue i guess. What to do? I don’t want it to rub off on my son. Thankfully circumstances are this person will soon be around him less often but that also sounds bad. Help

tldr- my husband was in military training for 10 months and missed almost the entire first year of our daughters life. now she refuses to have much to do with him

my (23f) daughter (12m) will absolutely not go to my husband (22m). it doesn’t matter how hard we try, very seldom will she go to him. he left when she was two weeks old and did not return until she was 10 months old. i understand this can be hard on children, but i can’t breathe. i can’t eat, shit, shower, breathe, sit, or quite literally do anything on my own. the worst part? my husband is RIGHT THERE. he tries, but sometimes i feel like he doesn’t try hard enough. on top of his work schedule 6am-5am and short breaks, he is a gamer. we came up with a resolution of him being allowed to play 3 hours a day and that was working for a little bit. now? now i’m at my breaking point. i understand he works. i understand i am a stay at home mom and taking care of the house/our daughter is my job. i promise i know that, but it feels so isolating and lonely sometimes doing it by myself (at least it feels like it). she doesn’t want to go to him when she’s tired, wont let him put her to bed (we have always co-slept. respectfully, i dont wanna hear it in this thread. pls argue with someone else), wont let him consul her when she’s upset, and doesn’t want much to do with him at all unless he’s playing with her. this now has my husband saying “she doesn’t like me” or “she doesn’t want me” or “she fucking hates me i don’t know how to help” and he’s shutting her out sometimes. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m genuinely at my breaking point and i need any advice from anybody that has been though anything of their toddler “resenting” another parent. he’s been home for almost 3 months now and nothing has changed. i know that’s not a lot of time, but i dont know how much longer i can take feeling like i do everything. he doesn’t want to give her a bath because he doesn’t like doing it, wont shower with her because it makes him uncomfortable have her see his manhood (i get it), and doesn’t want to give up gaming. i notice a difference in him playing vs not playing. he stopped playing competitive games and quit the esports team he was on, but he still wants to play. his mental health strives off of having that time to himself and i get it 👏, but when am i supposed to have time for me? how does this work? how do you have a healthy marriage, be healthy parents, have your child grow to have a healthy relationship with her father, and juggle the housework all at the same time? i am BURNT OUT and just need advice from moms who have experienced this feeling. i know im going to get backlash, but be as kind as possible. im truly hanging on by a thread

signed,
a tired and stressed out first time parent

At least once a day my 2 year old has a possessed meltdown after waking, whether it be waking in the morning or after nap time. He sleeps really well, doesn’t wake all night and has a two ish hour nap during the day but when he wakes he is insane, I’m talking back bending, bright red, screaming and doesn’t want to be touched. This last for around 30 minutes and nothing can break it.

I’m really struggling, I’m waiting for a paediatrician appointment but wondering if anyone else has gone through the same.

I’m not really sure where to start, but I could really use some advice from other parents because I feel completely overwhelmed right now.

My son Beau is 2 months old, and we’ve been in the hospital dealing with a lot of medical issues. What started as concerns about his breathing and weight gain has turned into so many questions and possible diagnoses that I don’t even know what to think anymore.

During his workup, doctors discovered that he has a bifid epiglottis, which means the flap that helps protect his airway is split in two. His doctor told us they had never seen this before. They also found an abnormal tracheal ring and a kidney abnormality.
He has episodes where he develops retractions, tracheal tugging, and other concerning changes in his breathing. His head sometimes pulls back, and there have been episodes where his eyes and movements have looked unusual. The really confusing part is that his vital signs stay stable during these episodes. His oxygen levels and other monitored vitals can look okay even when what we’re seeing is really scary. We’ve been trying to understand what is causing them, and it’s hard not having clear answers.

He also has trouble feeding and gaining weight, even though we’ve been trying so hard to get him what he needs. He had a swallow study that did not show aspiration.

Now we’re concerned he could have Pallister-Hall syndrome, a rare genetic condition that can affect multiple parts of the body. He’s also having testing for hormone issues, including cortisol.

The part that is really eating at me right now is that he hasn’t had a brain MRI. We were told the risks of anesthesia outweigh the benefits right now because of his breathing issues. I understand that he’s very little and that anesthesia has risks, but I’m scared that we could be missing something important. I don’t know if I should trust that we’re doing the right thing by waiting or push harder for answers.
The doctors have been doing testing, and I know they’re trying to help him. But some of these findings are so rare that his doctor has told us they’ve never seen certain things before. I feel like I’m constantly trying to research everything myself just to understand what is happening to my own baby.

I want to get him a second opinion at a major children’s hospital, but I don’t even know where to start or how to make that happen. I’m scared of overlooking something, scared about his future, and scared that I’m not doing enough to advocate for him.

On top of all of this, I have a toddler at home, and I’m trying to be there for her while spending so much time worrying about Beau. I feel guilty no matter where I am or what I’m doing.
Has anyone else been through something similar with a medically complex baby? Has anyone experienced scary breathing or movement episodes in their child even when their vitals remained stable? How did you handle the anxiety of not having answers?

I would also really appreciate advice from parents who have had to seek care at a different children’s hospital or get a second opinion for a rare condition. How did you know when it was time to push for more answers?

I’m not looking for medical diagnoses from strangers. I just feel lost, scared, and exhausted, and I could really use some support from people who understand what it’s like to be terrified for your child and not know what comes next.