I had a conversation with my husband and he said that there is nothing between us. I said I don’t feel like he likes me at all. In response, he only said that I am a great mom. He said we don’t have fun together even when we have a chance to go out together. I said if we split up, I’d have to leave the state and be closer to my family. He only asked why I couldn’t stay in the state.

The plan was for me to stay home with our son and go to school then go back into the work force. I’m in school now and not working. I don’t really know what to do with that information. He just started acting ‘normal’ afterwards. I’m obviously not in a financial situation to leave soooo yeah I’m just at a loss and my husband’s very avoidant so talking to him isn’t providing clarity. I guess this is just a rant but if anyone’s been through something similar, please weigh in.

My husband has a good paying job we got savings and I still feel like puking every time a bill is due. It wasn’t like that last year. But now I feel like everything is way more expansive.

I am convinced that our role reversal has us completely screwed up. I’m not saying only a mom can be the stay-at-home parent, but clearly, stay-at-home dads are in the vast minority. I am one of them. I feel that my role reversal is killing me.

I don’t know if anybody else can weigh in on this, but when you have a working parent and a stay-at-home parent, and the working parent is the father and the stay-at-home parent is the mother, I feel like there are clearer lines.

The dad goes to work. The mom runs the household and parents. I have a working wife who makes all the money. I’m the stay-at-home parent. I’m a stay-at-home dad. I run the household. I parent the kids when my wife’s working. She obviously parents them when she’s not working, but I’m the default parent. I’m the food parent. I’m the sole driver.

So I end up doing everything: all the errand running, all the grocery shopping, all the food prep, all household maintenance, chores, cleaning, trash, everything.

Now, what I don’t understand with my role reversal is that my wife also wants to have a say in what I do. She doesn’t just get up and leave and go to work in the morning. COVID changed a lot of this with working from home. She sometimes works from home, but also works from the office now.

However, my wife always wants to have a say in what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. I feel like if the roles were reversed, the dad would leave, go to work, and he’d have nothing to do with what’s going on in the house. He wouldn’t be texting his wife 25 times a day with to-dos: Can you do this? Can you do that? Questions, updates, etc.

It would be a way more clear-cut line if our roles weren’t reversed. And this is what’s killing me.
My wife should be sleeping. She has work in the morning. She has an intense job. Instead, she comes upstairs to the kids’ room, where I’ve just read one of the kids to bed because she was finishing up work after reading one of the other kids to bed.

And she’s going on and on and on about how the kids’ room is a mess, and this needs to be cleaned up, and I need to do it, and I need to get the kids to do it, and this needs to be done tomorrow, and it shouldn’t be like this.

And I just feel that, yes, of course she can have a say in stuff. It’s her home as well. But I feel that with a stay-at-home parent, it’s like the stay-at-home parent takes care of all of that. The working parent, if it was the dad, would not be, at midnight, having a conference with the wife saying, “You need to clean up this room.” I just feel like that doesn’t happen. A working dad would never say this or even devote his energy to it.

Can any other stay-at-home parents weigh in on this in any way?

I’m curious if this is a universal issue. I’m handling pretty much all mental load of running my home. I do all of the kids’ appointments, clothes shopping, meal planning, meal prepping, cooking, cleaning (we do get weekly help with this though), making sure kids’ stuff is put in the calendars, making sure kids have everything they need, etc.

I feel like it makes sense that I would handle all of this because my husband is working full time and this is basically my job, but I get really jealous of families that split drop off and pick up for school and have dads that are a lot more involved in the daily logistics.

I sometimes fantasize about going back to work just so that all of this doesn’t fall on me.

I’m new to the sahm life, only 8 months in. My preschooler just started preschool a month ago and he goes 3 hours a day 3 days a week. On the days he goes, I pick him up at 12 and we go home and have lunch and then his baby brother (18months) has a nap. So from 12:30 until 3ish his brother is napping.

I’ve been letting my preschooler watch Snoopy or Sesame Street for an hour, sometimes two hours, on these days.

I feel guilty about it but he very obviously is emotionally zonked from the school day.

On non school days he watches an hour or less, on weekends it’s usually none.

We do read a lot of books everyday, and get out of the house for fun little adventures. Is it bad that we go over the hour a day recommendation a few days a week??

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I’ve lost my part time role and we’ve decided it’s best to take our youngest out of nursery. They only went 2 mornings a week (bloody expensive still) and I’ll go back to being a SAHM. Which I was for a while my eldest was younger too, but then he did start nursery a couple mornings a week. I only started working again once I was in my early days of second pregnancy and then went on mat leave. Came back to a reduced hours role and was basically making enough to send youngest to nursery, with the idea that I’d pick up other stuff / grow in the role / find another job.

Apparently all the time my kid was in nursery was spent working anyways so didn’t really have much time to do anything on the job front (or maybe I didn’t try hard enough)

I love my little one. She’s a joy. A toddler yes, but funny and sweet and we love being together. Nursery was a struggle at first but she’s settled now. Though I know if it were up to her she’d choose being home with mummy over nursery I’m sure.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is! I think it’s just the whiplash of identity after becoming a mum. Working, mat leave, SAHM, then working, then mat leave, working, and now back to being a SAHM. A single income in this economy is also terrifying, but it’s not like my wages were comparable to my partners.

Just wondering if anyone’s been through sort of something like this? I love being a mum but I guess having absolutely no child free time terrifies me a bit. And what do I do with my brain if I’m not working at all? It’s already overloaded with chores and laundry and dinner recipes!

My partner and I have a toddler, and because of limited childcare, I became a sahm until our son starts school. My partner works eight-hour shifts, while I care for our son and handle almost the entire household. I understand that being the main breadwinner is stressful, and I don’t expect a perfect 50/50 split, but I feel like his workday ends while mine never does. He expects the house to be clean because I’m home and sometimes criticises me when it isn’t. For example, I may cook dinner and put our son to bed, only to come downstairs and find the table untouched, even though the dishwasher is empty. If I don’t do the housework, it usually doesn’t get done.

He also has much more free time than I do. He stays up gaming, sleeps in on weekends, and sometimes barely sees our son during weeks of late shifts. Almost every evening he games and smokes, while we rarely spend time together. When I suggest a date, walk or movie, he usually says he’s too tired or doesn’t feel like it. When I tell him I’m unhappy, he becomes defensive, calls me emotional, reminds me that he earns the money, or says I’m choosing the wrong moment. He doesn’t seem to understand that when things appear calm, it’s often because I’m swallowing my frustrations to avoid another argument. He may be depressed, but this has lasted three or four years and he hasn’t sought help. He also wants me to earn money so we can save for a house, while wanting another child with me staying home again. I’m trying to build a small business during our son’s occasional childcare days, but he would prefer immediate income. I don’t know how I’m supposed to add paid work without anything changing at home. We also disagree about our son’s sleeping arrangements: he sleeps well with us, but my partner thinks he should sleep elsewhere so we have more freedom, even though we barely use the free evenings we already have.
What hurts most is feeling that my contribution isn’t valued. After he said I wasn’t doing enough, I tried explaining how much childcare and housework involve, but felt dismissed. He sometimes says, “Yeah, but I’m paying for it.” I don’t think he’s a bad person, and I know I’m not perfect. He can be playful and affectionate, and I know he works hard. But I feel increasingly lonely, criticised and financially dependent. I’m also worried about what our son learns from watching me do almost everything while becoming unhappy. I don’t want to break up our family, but I don’t want to spend years waiting for things to change either.

Am I overreacting? Is this a normal imbalance when one parent stays home with a toddler, and am I underestimating the pressure my partner is under? Or is this genuinely unfair? Have others experienced something similar, and did things improve? I’m looking for honest perspectives, including ones that challenge my own, because I’m too exhausted to know whether my expectations are reasonable anymore.

I’m a SAHM to a toddler and baby. I haven’t worked in years, I’ve never been the type to work out or have many hobbies. I’m so stuck in the monotony of taking care of the kids and cleaning the house, cooking, ect…

I’m looking for some ideas on things I could pursue to feel accomplished within myself while at home with the kids still.

I’d like to finish school here in like a year or two, but not ready yet.

I’m thinking I want to learn some new useful skill like maybe try to learn a new language.

I’d really like to hear some ideas from yall!

(I’m not looking for anything that will cost a lot of money or will require me to leave the house without the kids.)

I was going through our medicine cabinet and actually read the labels on my kids vitamins for once. Kind of funny how I check the sugar in their snacks but never thought twice about their vitamins. I know a little sugar isn't a huge deal, but it's something they take every day, so now I'm second guessing it. Do you guys pay attention to this when buying vitamins, or am I overthinking it?

Hey all! Sorry this is a bit of a longer post, I just needed to put my thoughts down and I am really looking for some advice so i tried to provide some context. If you read through this and respond I very much appreciate you❤️

I am a FTSAHM to a 6month old baby girl💕 Before I had my baby I was borderline a workaholic, I kept my schedule packed, every hour of every day was filled with ✨Something✨. I have been fortunate to be able to become a SAHM due to my amazing husband 🫶 I am very grateful for this opportunity and I feel blessed every day, but since being at home I have become very unproductive. My days have become mundane and repetitive. My days are revolved around my baby’s sleep schedule/routine and when my husband gets home from work (which has been very inconsistent lately due to later days). For context my husband works x6 10-12hr days a week doing intense construction work. We basically agreed that I needed to have a part time job for us to manage financially, so he took on the extra 20-30hrs a week so that I could be a SAHM/W. So before anyone says that my husband should be doing more around the house or with the baby I want it to be clear that this man works his ass to the bone daily for us and 100% prioritizes his one day off to help catch up on anything and spend time with us. Most days our daughter is in bed when he leaves for work and has gone to bed by the time he’s home. And due to the nature of his work I take on nights solo so that his body is getting the rest it needs to safely do his job.

Anyways back to me. Initially I was really good about staying active and productive but now I just have little motivation to do anything. There’s been days long stretches that I don’t even step outside. I have been finding mindless ways to burn my time so that my days will go by faster. I downloaded this app to connect with other moms but I haven’t even logged on in a couple weeks because I don’t have the mental capacity to chat with people. I feel like I am struggling with the bare minimum around the house. Keeping dishes and laundry kept up and keeping the place tidy but no deep cleaning. I used to be able to manage 10x more workload with ease and now I feel like I’m barely staying afloat. I figured I need more structure so I’ve got my daughter on a pretty solid routine. Naps/ bedtime routine is consistent for her and I try not to be on my phone in front of her, I am trying to stay engaged but I’m not perfect. My daughter is starting to become more aware and I really want to be a good example for her by displaying healthy habits and routine but I’m feeling stuck in a rut atm. I also feel guilty, I see my husband working his ass off everyday, come home exhausted, filthy with cuts and bruises and bags under his eyes and I am dreading the thought of folding a load of laundry. I really don’t feel like I am pulling the same weight as him but I genuinely struggling. I try my best to make his days easier and do my best to prioritize his needs when he’s home. Set out his clothes, start his shower, take his boots off for him, get up and make his Coffee/ lunch, have dinner ready for him when he gets home and try to give him some type of Loving at least 5/7 days of the week. But I really feel like it’s not enough and I have so much wasted time throughout the day. Has anyone been in my position and pulled themselves out of it? What helped you? I appreciate any advice 🙌

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