TL;DR: I'm DMing Curse of Strahd for four close friends who are still fairly inexperienced as am I. Mismatched play styles, a player who struggles with failure, and a couple whose behavior at the table breaks immersion have me burned out. I don't blame anyone, and I'm open to the idea that my DMing is part of it. I want to talk to everyone without drama, encourage role-play, and enjoy the game again.
Hi everyone, I need advice. I'm DMing Curse of Strahd for four friends. We've played 4 sessions, and after two of them I wanted to quit. This isn't about blaming anyone. I know my DMing style is part of the problem, and I'm open to hearing that. I think I'm fairly flexible with rules, but what feels flexible to me may not feel that way to them. I don't want to punish anyone or force my preferred game on them, but I also want to have fun, or else why am I doing this? Generally I enjoy playing with them, but the last session was especially bad and that’s what pushed me to write this post.
These are my best friends of about 12 years, and the friendship matters more than the campaign so I don’t want to make a mistake and for all of it to turn into big drama.
The table (everyone has roughly 10-20 sessions behind them, except for me and Z, who has more and has DMed a bit):
Z (my girlfriend): human warlock, very roleplay-focused
P: aasimar paladin, loves combat, light on roleplay
O: kalashtar artificer
M (O's partner): gnome ranger, his first campaign
What I'm seeing:
Player engagement. I'm struggling to get the table invested in the game itself. A lot of the time it feels like they just want to move to the next step, talk to the next NPC, and move on again, with little emotion or play in it. It feels empty to me. Part of that may be on me: I don't feel connected to my NPCs in Curse of Strahd, and I don't know how to fix that. Also I get discouraged when I try to role-play NPC and I don’t get much role-play out of them.
P in particular is hard to read. He enjoys combat and used to roleplay a bit, but last session, which had no combat, he didn't take part at all (even though I tried to include him and Z tried to involve him into a scene). He was tired after work, but it was frustrating to me and Z. I don't know how to draw him in when there's no fight. Maybe part of that is that they don’t feel connected to their characters.
O and failure. She's had bad luck with dice since session 0 (rolled stats, low HP at level-up) and she gets discouraged easily. When things go wrong not only with the dice but also in the story, she loses motivation, withdraws, or gets annoyed. It leads to very tense situations in which I feel very uncomfortable. It reached a point in which I dread her important rolls because I don’t want tension at the table or even an argument. In addition to that she argues the rules quite often and doesn’t take the no very well.
Also she told me her character feels flat and she doesn't know how to roleplay her. I suspect it's because she built the character around an optimized build rather than a personality or story, which is fine (I like optimizing too), but now she's stuck. How do I help her without being pushy?
I warned everyone that Curse of Strahd is brutal and that deaths are likely. Failure is part of D&D and of storytelling generally, so I don't know how to help her with it without softening the game.
M and O. M is doing great for a first-timer. He made a simple character with a clear backstory and stayed in character when the group pressured him, which impressed me. But he struggles to watch O get frustrated. Meaning well, he tries to fix it with things like "it's just a game" or "it'll get better," which tends to make it worse, because she often just needs space. He also sometimes breaks character to help her character, even though they barely know each other in the story. That breaks the scene for everyone, especially Z, who takes roleplay seriously.
Meta gaming: Due to the above they meta game like crazy and I don’t have anything against light meta gaming (it sometimes sucks to realize that you had an ability you could’ve used and your character would’ve probably known about it but you, a player forgot. So having someone remind you that you could do that I think is OK) It really breaks the immersion and kills any role play that could have been played and it pains me sometimes and really frustrates Z. Us both try to stop them but we don’t want to come of as too high strung or as metagaming police. How do I deal with them metagaming?
Z's character. Being morally gray, she sometimes goes against the party or splits off, and the others can resent it. I've talked to her about it. Others also sometimes say a flat "no" instead of "yes, and," which stalls the story. How do I talk to them about being more open to cooperation without betrayal of their characters values?
Table behavior. O and M sometimes do PDA that clashes with the scene (O sitting on M's lap, pouting about a failed spell while the party crosses a dark forest). We often play at their place, so I don't know how to raise it without overstepping.
Roleplay prompts. Z told me I don't encourage roleplay well. I never cut players off mid-conversation, but when there's a window for roleplay I tend to say it bluntly: "You're traveling for four hours. Do you want to talk to each other or move on?" I know there are better ways. But I’d appreciate some tips on how to encourage role-play in those slower moments in the game.
Rules. I try to say yes, but I have limits (like a ritual needing 100gp of diamonds nobody has). Since only I know the rules well, my rulings can feel arbitrary. Should I be more relaxed or how do I communicate better that rules matter to me?
Feeling underappreciated. I put a lot into this: printing paper minis to save money, drawing maps, prepping modding a lot of the module so it plays better. I know others may do more, but reactions are often a lukewarm "oh, cool," and sometimes I feel taken for granted. How do I tell them without coming across needy? Or maybe I ask too much and should just suck it up?
My plan: I'm afraid an open group discussion would turn into everyone listing what others do wrong. Instead I want to talk to each person one-on-one, like I did with Z: ask for feedback on my DMing, help anyone who wants it flesh out their character, share my feedback, and ask what they want from the game (even though we did all that in session 0). I'd tell everyone I'm doing this with each of them. But at the same time I don't want to act like the group therapist. Is that a good plan? How do I deal with talking to them?
I also consider doing a second session 0 to express my concerns and listen to feedback but also I don’t want to miss a game session because as probably all of you know scheduling is a nightmare.
I’m aware this is a lot and maybe the problem is expectations of mine and everyone’s else’s. If you’ve read to this point thank you and I appreciate all tips and guidance you may have regarding one or more of stuff I mentioned.