2 posts ago I mentioned that I wasn’t able to wave hi to the first teacher. But I found the perfect opportunity, after class he was walking by me and I just waved bye. Then during the art class at the end the professor went to another room, but I leave early.

And I didn’t want to leave until I waved bye to her also.

And then when waiting in the hallway someone asked me if I was taking a music class. I froze and shook me head. So next time I’ll probably just wait in the classroom.

Both my parents said yes it was a win. It felt good to wave bye. But at the same time my mind always goes like “by the time the semester is over and next semester comes it’s always just as hard”.

I don’t know what to feel. I feel happy that I finally got to wave to the teacher bye. But sometimes basic things feel weird to proud of. Because once I get comfortable with a professor then it’s easier.

Also I wrote in my notebook that I would like to not have my self portrait up, because I do not want people to look at me, also I drew scars on the bottom.

So she lead me to the where she hung it. But I forgot to bring my notebook in the hallway, so I tried to say thank you, but it came out as just “tha-“, but thankfully she understood. The hallway was empty and I feel comfortable with the teacher so that’s why I was able to do that.

I never know how to feel. Like it felt really awesome to finally be able to wave hi to the one professor. And I want to feel like it’s a win.

The hope that things could get better isn’t as strong, but it’s still there.

What makes that a win though?
Do you guys also think it’s a win?

I’m so tired now though. I need to rest. All of those interactions drained me.

Hi everyone. I’d love to hear from parents whose children have experienced selective mutism or similar difficulties.
Our daughter has just turned five. She was born in the Netherlands, where we live. We’re both from Poland and speak Polish at home. She attends a Dutch school and spends most of the day in a Dutch-speaking environment.
We’ve noticed that she often goes quiet when someone she doesn’t know, or rarely sees, speaks to her. She seems embarrassed or frightened. It doesn’t appear to depend on the language: it happens with both Dutch- and Polish-speaking people. Sometimes she even feels shy about talking to her grandmother or aunt on FaceTime.
When we visit Poland, she initially doesn’t speak to the family. After a while, she becomes more comfortable and talks freely, argues, and even gets cheeky. It can also vary with other people: one day she may not answer a parent who speaks to her, but the following week she’ll approach them herself and ask if she can come over to play with their child.
At school, the teachers say she doesn’t talk much. She has stayed at the same level for another year because it was difficult to assess her progress accurately, although she isn’t behind the other children in terms of what she knows. When she needs to say that something hurts or that she needs the toilet, she can speak. The teacher at her Polish school also noticed that she rarely speaks, but understands everything and communicates nonverbally.
She is very outgoing during play and can immediately involve a new person—for example, by taking them by the hand and leading them into a game. But she often responds only by nodding and doesn’t say anything herself. We have seen her talk with her friends when we’re there.
We consulted a speech therapist, who felt that the difficulty probably isn’t due to her not understanding Dutch or having trouble speaking it, but rather to being afraid to speak. We were referred to a child psychologist because of a possible diagnosis of selective mutism. Our daughter immediately invited the new professionals to play, but didn’t speak to them. We’re now waiting for a suitable programme.
We’re worried, but don’t know what might have caused this. As far as we know, she hasn’t experienced any trauma. She has never told us that anyone has been unkind to her, and her teachers haven’t noticed anything either. She usually comes home from school happy, says she had a good day, and we can see that she has friends.
Has anyone had a similar experience? What were diagnosis and support like for your child? What helped, and was there anything you found best to avoid? We’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Text translated in chat gpt.

Hello. I have autism and with that, selective mutism. I am pretty sure my current therapist just gave up on me. I tend to freeze up during therapy. Does anyone have any ideas on how to work with autism or mutism in therapy and what to bring up?

It is quite depressing because I have tried multiple therapists and this seems to be the trend. They all just stop. It makes me feel not human.

I'm (25F) undiagnosed but have a strong feeling I might have selective mutism since I can't speak to certain people.

At the moment, my mom is the only person I'm (almost) completely comfortable speaking to. I can speak a little bit with other people like my closest online friends, my (LDR) boyfriend and some relatives, but almost can't speak at all to strangers and with my father and brother. I also get very anxious to speak to anyone (including my mom and others I mentioned) in front of strangers and my dad and brother.

I feel so bad for not being able to speak more especially with my boyfriend and my brother. I feel incompetent and like I'm not a good friend and girlfriend and sister and daughter. On top of this, I'm struggling to find a job since I can't speak much during interviews and I failed college due to being too anxious to focus on my studies and to speak during presentations.

I don't have any friends in real life. I feel like people hate me and think I'm arrogant or a bad person for not speaking to them more... Especially if they know I speak quite a lot with my mom. How am I supposed to explain to them that I'm not doing it on purpose? That I do want to speak to them, but I just can't do it even if I tried?

I just feel so pathetic as a 25-year-old adult not being able to do even basic adult things or achieve anything in life, while all my peers are successful and married with kids and living life to the fullest. Somehow it makes me feel like I'm a bad person for not doing these things and contributing to society and providing for my family, even though I know I didn't choose to be this way.

I've convinced myself that maybe I'll be better off running away to a different country. But who am I kidding? I'm too anxious to even leave my room. And I feel too guilty to leave my family and not provide for them. My mom keeps pestering me to get a job since my dad is old and sick and couldn't work anymore. I wish they understood what it's like for me...

I'm stuck and I don't know what to do. My parents are against therapy and I can't afford it on my own. My boyfriend thinks I'm weak and we can't meet eachother in person since I'm broke. I feel like he doesn't respect me and I know he's disappointed because of my inability to speak and to be successful.

I wish there was a way out of this... A way to make all my loved ones happy with me and to not feel like ending it all.

at home i’m pretty comfortable with talking and i’m even seen as chatty though i am an introvert and prefer being alone most of the time and cant handle talking for a extended period of time. when it comes to school, im very shy and quiet and struggle to get my words out. its so bad that i get shaky and start tearing up sometimes especially when i get called on to speak. whenever people start crowding me and my friend i switch to writing in my notes app because i don’t want to talk for some reason. when i told my sister about this she was in shock because i act the complete opposite of this when im at school. anyone else?

Howdy, y’all! I (now 23 M) met a young lady (now 21 F) almost 2 years ago, and suffice it to say I’m pretty crazy about her! I’m neurodivergent aplenty, and as such noticed that she used some interesting tactics to communicate when facing social anxiety. I could tell there was a struggle, but I struggle too sometimes so I figured I wouldn’t treat her any different, and apparently that’s a novelty for her. I guess my steadiness helped her to feel safe, we quickly became friends, and shortly thereafter became almost completely inseparable.
She’s become my best friend, and after a bit over a year of learning each other in that way (my circumstance limited my ability to date at the time), I worked up the courage to ask her out, and we’ve been dating since! I knew she’d be stressed, so I wholly expected to get shot down, but now it’s like we’re still the same people as always (something I’m not used to in relationships) with the added bonuses of being a young, nerdy couple! Hallelujah! Best surprise of the year!
We’ll hit six months this coming Friday, we’ve steadily gotten more serious, and the we’ve both voiced that we’d like to get married after a while. She opened up to me about her mutism a couple months after we met (that was a battle, and I wanted so bad to help, but couldn’t do much other than listen and hug her), and I’ve done research to try and give her positive and at least semi-educated support, but it’s tricky to find much in depth material.
I love her immensely, and I want to do my best by her! She’s steadily improved in her abilities to communicate generally, and we’ve always been able to work through tricky conversations between us, but I’m reaching out to ask if you all have any experiences or better yet RESOURCES as to where I can learn more, and how I can more more effectively be there for her as a partner and future husband! For those of you with SM: what do you want your partners to know, or wish they would do??? To fellow partners of those with mutism: any tips on how best to support our loved ones? I’m a fixer by nature, something I’m working through, and she has been the perfect match to help me temper my anxieties and listen instead of problem solving, and she’s been so cute to put forth so much effort to support me in things I know stress her. we’ve broken through walls at her behest with some conversational doozies, and I’m steadily learning ASL and sticking up for her more while maintaining peace with her family as much as is possible, but if there’s anything else I could do to ease this for her, I’d love to! I ask her how I can be there for her quite a bit, and I’ve made changes accordingly, but I also know that outside perspectives can make a world of difference! I love when I get to hear her voice speaking for the beautiful eldritch monster that is her mind lol! I also know that, given my ignorance and her family situation, we don’t know what we don’t know! Thank you all!

My doctor told me today that my episode of non speaking since Saturday (10/17/26) morning is selective mutism caused by adjustment reaction. Has anyone else gone completely mute for days or longer at a time? In all situations, not just some.

sometimes i can’t talk. but it’s not like all the examples that “you can’t talk in school but at home everything is fine“. it’s actually quite the opposite. I can talk very well under social pressure, when someone fires a question I can answer really well. im nervous when presenting in front of people and im shivering but I can talk. but at home… when my mom tries talking to me everything freezes. I have the words un my head, I know what I want to say but I don’t. I don’t know why. i tried searching for help, talking about my problems at online support resources but everytime I‘ve told (wrote) them “too much informations about myself” i cut the contact. The only people I really know that I can talk to are my friends. Actually it’s one friend and the others if that one friend is there too. My mom wanted to search therapy for me but then things got busy and she asked me if it was ok if she stopped until it’s a little more relaxed. At that time it didn’t seem that bad so I agreed but now I think I rlly need it. But she hasn’t talked to me about it since and… it’s kinda hard to ask… She usually notices when I have a bad day… which is often. But she seems to think it’s my fault that I cant get myself to get out of bed and that im rude when I’m not talking to her. when this started she actually was the one telling me that sm existed but then when I didn’t talk again à little later she said she didn’t believe that I couldn’t talk . And maybe I can talk. Idk anything anymore. Maybe im just faking everything idk

Why. Why is it with them. When I get the spotlight. You say im not in trouble but that doesnt change this gag in my mouth, the chain in the throat, and the knives in my heart.

I try to speak, I try to force it out, to let you know im listening. And you try to help, try yo get me to let it out but its not me...its not me...it was never me choosing when my voice is stolen.

It takes so much to not blame you. Any of you. My family. Of all people. I should feel safe. Free to let it out. But when I make mistakes...its always been you who steal my voice. Dress me down. Act like im a child for not being able to speak.

If i try to explain ill be called a faker. You'll say its for attention or that its an excuse. But please...give me back my voice. I can try to type. But youve made me afraid to try.

WHERE IS MY VOICE!

I feel like a big thing in therapy is sitting with yourself and understanding the source of your anxiety and working to reshape that fear into something else.

But I'm not afraid of anything. I'm not afraid of what people think, I'm not afraid of saying the wrong thing, I'm not afraid of being around people.

And yet I still freeze up. It's like the anxiety comes from nowhere and it's debilitating.

I don't know just curious to see what other people might think about this. Maybe give some advice?

I went to the neural pysch appointment today and they confirmed it is 100% selective mutism.

But they talked about it in a way and I genuinely actually have hope now. The doctor was super super nice and understanding.

They talked about an exposure hierarchy, doing small things that are managable, but a little uncomfortable.

He talked about it like a graph, the anxiety goes up, and when you leave it instantly goes down, however when something else happens then it spikes even higher.

That’s what the comic meant. About the steps.

Right now Im still not sure if I could do that, or how that will let me talk, but I still have hope now.

He even mentioned that he’s had cases where people got better.

Every single one of my posts on here and the selective mutism subreddits have been negative or me venting.

Theres still a lot I need to change about my mindset. But for once I finally feel like I have a plan.

I haven’t read any of the replies from the last post.

I just can’t believe it, I finally have hope things will start to get better.

It may take a long time, but I’m going to hold on to the hope I have right now.

So I posted this in the Autism subreddit recently, and a lot of people seemed to relate to it. However, I can’t tell if this is an autism thing or if people with selective mutism deal with this as well. I’m not selectively mute, but extremely worried and frustrated whenever somebody pushes or encourages me to use my voice.

It ticked me off, so I have edited the TV Tropes Elective Mute page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ElectiveMute

Changing the definition would require changing a web of other pages, which I don't feel like doing, so I have emphasized that this trope has to be a choice and cannot be caused by a mental health condition and I have also made a clear contrast to actual selective mutism.

I stuck Subverted Trope on the example entries for Komi, Kisa, and Rin. If you see any other characters listed on there that shouldn't be, let me know. That should be easy to fix.

Or any other complaints about this or any other page, like Dumb Struck: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DumbStruck

I’m 22, and on Thursday my dad is taking me to see a neural psychologist. So then I can finally get a diagnosis.

I read a manga awhile ago called “A Story about a girl who developed selective mutism”

I read it again today.
It’s mostly wholesome. Like the friend that stayed by her side is really awesome.

there’s a part where she says “selective mutism can be cured”. By taking small steps.

That should give me hope. But it just makes me sad. It makes me cry.
My first thoughts are just “No it can’t”.

That line hurts so much to read.

I don’t know why that comic makes me feel sad. Why it makes me feel more hopeless.

I worry that I’m not capable of the small steps.

How does therapy even work? Like if you have to practice speaking, how does that work when the condition is the inability to speak in certain situations?

How would I practice speaking when I physically can’t in the situation?

Especially exposure. Like I feel like I’d fail each one, even the small ones. Thinking about talking to strangers, I couldn’t. In the manga it says some people with selective mutism can talk to strangers. So that explains how she was able to do it.

My therapist already knows that I hate the idea of exposure therapy. But if that’s the only way to cure it then that’s what really scares me.

I wanted to wave bye to my professer, but couldn’t.
Then I felt bad after.

I did to the painting professor though.

I just don’t know how one would even cure this.

I don’t know how to believe things could ever get better. I wish I could be like the people who are super positive about it.

I’m anxious posting this too, but the people in this subreddit are the only people I can relate the with this.

I don’t know when I’ll reply, since when I see the notifications I’m overthinking what the replies might say. Thank you for reading

I am 36M, turning 37 on the 24th, disgnosed with autism and selective mutism. I have aaundry list of other disorders like OCD, but I cannot lost all of them and keep this short.

This year has been hell, and I get no relief when I cannot speak when they expect any normal almost 37 year old to speak. People just get irritated and insulted, thinking I am ignoring them or something. My selective mutism was far worse in childhood, when I would say nothing, even if there were an extreme emergency like a fire or an earthquake. Now I am somewhat better, but honestly I feel like saying nothing when I am being talked to.

This year has been the worst year of my life, and I truly feel like going through another birthday and living another year with all of these problems is just too much to bear.

I just want to ask questions like this occasionally to myself and others - because with anxiety disorders, we can often get very stuck on the negative rumination. But it can be helpful to take time to reflect on the good sometimes, to shift one’s thinking.

This could be SM-related wins or anything else in life you’re proud of and wish to share. even if it feels small or insignificant, it is important

Does anyone else, after starting a job, have that job slowly become a trigger for their selective mutism?

I feel like it's weird, but I don't really have anyone but myself around to discuss these types of topics so I wanted to ask here.

I've been wondering this since after a while of working, I've noticed that I've basically dropped my social amount I can spend there gradually until now it's painful to even speak to people I was fine speaking to a couple months ago. To the point I'll have breakdowns because I just can't.

I suppose it could also be the pressure of working harder or doing more since I'm slower than most. Especially with my boss making it their life mission to get me to "speak up" to people- even though I've told them about my diagnosis. Though, it could also be as simple as it being a social space, because those have always been a trigger for me (interacting with my social anxiety), though it's weird it's gotten worse.

So, I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

And if you have, I'm curious how you either cope with it or do something about it.

So to be clear, my inabiltiy to talk IS an involuntary mental/physical block, not a choice. But I think one of the many things that contribute to that involuntary paralysis is the fear that people will think I'm "normal" and therefore won't need any guidance or help once I'm able to speak out loud.

Along with having SM, I am generally just a very slow processor (I'm autistic) in social situations. I often need a long pause just to gather my thoughts and figure out what I want to say next or how I'm feeling. Speaking out loud with someone usually has me rushing to keep up with the pace of the conversation. So even if my SM went away, I would still need accommodations for when I'm talking to people, like more time to think.

Anyone else feel this way? Along with actually having SM, I feel like the nonverbal accommodations I get allow me time to think about what to say, and generally give off the vibe that I am struggling and need help. But that impression goes away if/when I am able to talk, therefore increasing the pressure to also mask my autism and rush to keep up socially.

Kinda was in and still kinda am, in a funk. Cause I was able to make some really good money (ONLINE) the last two weeks.

And it's really great, because money gives options. Even if that's just buying stuff.

But now that's dropped a bit. So I feel idk.

Cause the way I've been making money just has no reliability. And it was SO GOOD. It is good. But there's (again) no reliability. It's good and then it's just non-existent.

IDK- that just messed with me, still is.

Cause that really GAVE me something, and quite honestly I just liked doing it. I'd do the money-making all day. And I LIKED doing it.

And now I'm just unable to. And there's really no other way to do this online that even exists. So that's the part that stings.

...

Buying Music, buying Games, etc. But like- if I can't make anything. There goes that.

It'd be so nice if I could just make money online, cause it'd evaporate that worry. IDK- in a way (and not too seriously), I even think like what's even the point anymore?

Cause in a lot of ways that was just keeping me occupied. Is it really even about the money? Idk. But that gave me something. And I actually liked doing that; making money online.

If I could actually make money online, it could get *THAT* off my back, right? But if I can't, then that's back to haunt me. And that's the part I really hate.

Cause there is no accommodation. It's like "go fuck yourself". When it comes to anyway we can actually make money in any way which feels just "fine". Is how it feels.

And maybe I should just go and do that. But also I kind of don't want to do that. And by "fuck myself", I mean kill myself. Cause the line is very thin. T

Things are good, they're looking up. And then actually, no things were never looking up.

Cause when I was bringing that money in the last two weeks. It was actually really good. And AGAIN I LIKED doing it. And now it's just gone. I was feeling good. And I didn't HAVE TO make the money, but I wanted to. And I did.

I made about $2100 in the last two weeks. And I'd probably be lucky if I made $50 in the same timeframe I could get $100. Which is a 5 hour time frame. It's just very disheartening.

...

And even despite all that, I still went and spent like $380ish on a 3DS and accessories. Because.

And I had actually spent over $1000 this week.

And it's not that I need the money. I more just liked doing them. And the money was just a plus. Cause I do not plan to spend $1000/weekly going forward. That's just how the week went.

But also without that increased rate (of income), the prospects of what I can do, really lessens. Maybe I had this idea that I could save enough to go and see Olivia Rodrigo in late November. But that's kind of a dead idea now. No way I'd make that kind of money now. And I wouldn't want expensive tickets either.

Because despite my expensive purchases, I would have STILL easily been able to make the money for that to be a real possibility and EASILY too. Cause I think I'd really only need around $1000, I wouldn't plan to spend more than that.

And my mind is so "day to day", that I can't think too far forward. Cause in a weeks time I could be back to rolling in the way I make money. I just can't know that I will be.

I will get back to making the money online. I will. Probably today. But it will not be as good. Cause for those 2 weeks I was actually trying to make $100/day. And it was easy. There were days I literally made $200+. And that was insane.

I just hate the feeling of not knowing.

...

Anyway- that's it. I had something good going, but actually no. That's how it is. I guess.

And I don't think I'd actually kill myself. I just think about it. I just want this all to end. Or at least to ACTUALLY have a standing/place I can rely on being there day to day. And right now I do not possess that. And that's what sucks.

Like; a certainty.

Me 20yo: I want to go out, finally check out the nightlife, I'm feeling confined to go out somewhere by myself

My sister: "OmG dO yOu WaNt To GeT R**eD?! Do you even know what happens to people when they go out!

I'm sorry but wtf. Like yeah, no shi that bad people exist, it's not my first day on earth. I'm 20 years old I can take care of myself just fine, i've taken care of creepy situations on my own before. Also that's such a weird thing to say. And I told her that I ain't a child she was like "okay, if you want to get r**ed then go ahead" like?? So weird.

I live in a capital city, I go outside every day, I have gone out after dark before. I'm not saying that I don't think these things would ever happen to me, but she was being like very weirdo about it, and not even in a protective way at all.

There was a situation a while back, where I was gonna wear a crop top outside and she was all judgy and weird "okay, just don't cry when some creep SA you" like??? Wtf who even says that!?

Anyways, I'm going to a Halloween party on the 31st and dressing up as an androgynous gothic vampire. 😌 Nobody can dull MY sparkle!!

And overall, I think she's just jealous of my newfound confidence, which doesn't go well with her controlling neurotypical personality.

I was just attending an online class and listening to the teacher, then I suddenly started feeling sad.

I kept thinking about how other people can use their microphones, while I can only communicate through the in-call chat.

Irl, I'm really lonely.

I'm just glad we're allowed to turn off our cameras, so I can cry behind the screen without anyone noticing atleast.

So I’m not selective mute, but from kindergarten to junior year of high school, I have had a difficult time speaking in front of certain people. The reason for this wasn’t shyness, it was because people used to overreact whenever I talked or interacted.

In kindergarten, I interacted very well until it was playtime, when I was frozen in silence and just stood there doing nothing. Everybody thought I was selectively mute, until the class played a game and I won. I was calm when everybody clapped and cheered, but then one of the adults shouted the word “yay” and I completely lost it, crying and a hysterical mess. That was when people knew that it wasn’t selective mutism, as these meltdowns would happen every time somebody said the word. I did end up getting diagnosed with autism later on.

My biggest issue has been when people bring up my past, especially if they’re overreacting. I struggle a lot with explaining what exactly happens, so I’m just going to put it in a list below.

Examples of things people have said/done when I’ve talked or interacted well:

•Junior year of high school, I started raising my hand in class. A friend of mine heard about this, began to clap and say, “I’m so proud of your character development bestie, you were not like this in middle school.”

• Just before I graduated high school, I made my first friend who was “like me” (he has some intellectual disabilities and shares similar interest to me). I invited him over for the day, and afterwards my mom said in a very surprised voice, “That was the most I’ve ever seen you interact with someone! I know you like to take your breaks, but you literally hung out with him all day! I never see you this chatty with friends.”

• After starting college, I finally got to meet people who didn’t overreact when I spoke up or interacted well, so I finally let myself speak to people. My dad found out and told me, “You’ve grown by leaps and bounds since starting college, you were very shy in middle and high school and never advocated for yourself” (I really wish he would’ve paid attention my junior year).

• As a kid, whenever I talked, my mom would reward me. One time, she showed up with a giant reward, and said “You met a really big goal” (literally all I did was ask to start over in the school spelling bee). When I told her rewards weren’t the best way to go, she said, “but look at how far you’ve come! You actually talk now!”

• In middle school, my special education, teacher mentioned how I only talk to her when I write to her (not true). I asked her when I could stop writing in the journal, and she said, “Well, when I ask you questions, you only give me like one word answers” (because I hated her and the other kids excitement when I did speak up). I couldn’t really explain it at the time, although there was one time when I did well on a test and she got excited, and I ran away from her, I think that’s when she really understood.

Has anybody else been through something like this? Sorry for the long post.

I am autistic. I made this post and someone suggested I look into selective mutism. What do you think?