Hi everyone. I’d love to hear from parents whose children have experienced selective mutism or similar difficulties.
Our daughter has just turned five. She was born in the Netherlands, where we live. We’re both from Poland and speak Polish at home. She attends a Dutch school and spends most of the day in a Dutch-speaking environment.
We’ve noticed that she often goes quiet when someone she doesn’t know, or rarely sees, speaks to her. She seems embarrassed or frightened. It doesn’t appear to depend on the language: it happens with both Dutch- and Polish-speaking people. Sometimes she even feels shy about talking to her grandmother or aunt on FaceTime.
When we visit Poland, she initially doesn’t speak to the family. After a while, she becomes more comfortable and talks freely, argues, and even gets cheeky. It can also vary with other people: one day she may not answer a parent who speaks to her, but the following week she’ll approach them herself and ask if she can come over to play with their child.
At school, the teachers say she doesn’t talk much. She has stayed at the same level for another year because it was difficult to assess her progress accurately, although she isn’t behind the other children in terms of what she knows. When she needs to say that something hurts or that she needs the toilet, she can speak. The teacher at her Polish school also noticed that she rarely speaks, but understands everything and communicates nonverbally.
She is very outgoing during play and can immediately involve a new person—for example, by taking them by the hand and leading them into a game. But she often responds only by nodding and doesn’t say anything herself. We have seen her talk with her friends when we’re there.
We consulted a speech therapist, who felt that the difficulty probably isn’t due to her not understanding Dutch or having trouble speaking it, but rather to being afraid to speak. We were referred to a child psychologist because of a possible diagnosis of selective mutism. Our daughter immediately invited the new professionals to play, but didn’t speak to them. We’re now waiting for a suitable programme.
We’re worried, but don’t know what might have caused this. As far as we know, she hasn’t experienced any trauma. She has never told us that anyone has been unkind to her, and her teachers haven’t noticed anything either. She usually comes home from school happy, says she had a good day, and we can see that she has friends.
Has anyone had a similar experience? What were diagnosis and support like for your child? What helped, and was there anything you found best to avoid? We’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Text translated in chat gpt.

2 posts ago I mentioned that I wasn’t able to wave hi to the first teacher. But I found the perfect opportunity, after class he was walking by me and I just waved bye. Then during the art class at the end the professor went to another room, but I leave early.

And I didn’t want to leave until I waved bye to her also.

And then when waiting in the hallway someone asked me if I was taking a music class. I froze and shook me head. So next time I’ll probably just wait in the classroom.

Both my parents said yes it was a win. It felt good to wave bye. But at the same time my mind always goes like “by the time the semester is over and next semester comes it’s always just as hard”.

I don’t know what to feel. I feel happy that I finally got to wave to the teacher bye. But sometimes basic things feel weird to proud of. Because once I get comfortable with a professor then it’s easier.

Also I wrote in my notebook that I would like to not have my self portrait up, because I do not want people to look at me, also I drew scars on the bottom.

So she lead me to the where she hung it. But I forgot to bring my notebook in the hallway, so I tried to say thank you, but it came out as just “tha-“, but thankfully she understood. The hallway was empty and I feel comfortable with the teacher so that’s why I was able to do that.

I never know how to feel. Like it felt really awesome to finally be able to wave hi to the one professor. And I want to feel like it’s a win.

The hope that things could get better isn’t as strong, but it’s still there.

What makes that a win though?
Do you guys also think it’s a win?

I’m so tired now though. I need to rest. All of those interactions drained me.