Grey Valentine here.

I think I made big mistake and I’m so scared,

I wanted to reach out irl bsf about plurality. I sent him some sources and he didn’t seem to be hateful about it, just I sent him one and he asked for another one because the previous one sucked. So I sent him morethanone, my favorite for those learning about it.

I sent him another one, one form heyzine I found here and was really good.

This was his response and honestly I don’t like mentioning it.

I know he probably doesn’t mean any harm but I feel so irresponsible. I’m supposed to be the sysadult in the collective or mostly minors and I wanted to be as best as I can be and I think I ruined it. I don’t want us to go to school tommrow. I’m so scared if he asks us questions when we get to school.

I asked him what he thought about plurality and he hasn’t responded yet. Normally i wouldn’t care but this is an important question to me.

Please I don’t know what to do I’m so scared. I feel so bad omfg :(((((( we haven’t answered his question so I’m planning on not telling him if he asks us tomorrow and just saying I was showing him in stuff I was interested in.

Sasha (she/her) : For anyone who doesn’t know, Would I Lie To You is a British show about figuring out is someone is telling the truth about themselves or not. It also was adapted to a board game that I was planning to get for Christmas for a fun family game and I had a thought: as plural people, an event could be something between two or more headmates inside the headspace that would be otherwise impossible or incredibly unlikely but still technically happened, and since someone else was there it furthers that point as it also affected someone else. So I could say “oh I once exploded into glass shards” and see their faces as they find out that their guess of “lie” was wrong!

Hi! my names Altered and I used to have discord and had a few buddies who actually made me learn about DiD and other forms of plurality and made me understand it, they were the first people to make me ever hear about it and I'd say I understood and got along well with them even though I don't use discord anymore.

But, I have a few questions for you all! I don't know if you can or can't answer it, but if I did get an answer I'd be grateful as I'm quite curious!!

1. How is it like going into headspace? Like, when you close your eyes are you suddenly in headspace? How does it work? I'm not sure if all plurals have a headspace, I tried to ask my old friend this but they said they could not explain this.
2. Does the original body before the plurality or system formed count as an alter aswell? Sorry, I do not know how to word this.
3. How does school work? Do multiple personalities / alters / etc handle different parts of the day? Is school hard as someone that's plural?

I'm sorry if these are frequent questions or you can't answer!! I was just really curious about this and would like to learn more about you all.

edit: also forgot to ask!!.. do all people who are underneath the plural / system "umbrella" (believe that's the right term) have a headspace? Or do not all have one?

I was feeling really stressed yesterday and it got to a really overwhelming point where I felt nauseous. I was about to get in bed and. I mean it's hard to remember what exactly happened. but suddenly I felt completely better and very awake and a little antsy. I felt like one of my headmates, Sadl. It was weird I felt like a gay man (I'm a transbian) and I decided to journal and my handwriting was more open and bigger and I misspelled my own name two times. I also felt that whoever I was before was now in my chest (usually where Sadl is) and I could feel her hurt.

Ik this is confusing because I am only using I/Me pronouns, but truthfully it kinda just felt like me... but if I were a different person. I didn't feel totally dissociated watching myself, I felt more present than ever, I just wasn't my usual identity. Is that normal? Did I switch? I'm so confused

So Cait and I were watching Arcane together and ofc the kiss scene comes on and we're both SCREAMING but of course I CAN'T ACTUALLY KISS HER so I had to get up and punch a wall

UGHHHHHH

-vi

There's a russian show/comic series called "13 cards", the story is about a russian student Fyodor who got a pack of tarot cards from a fortune teller and ended up accidentally summoning 8 clones of his into real world. Originally a comic series from 2010 called "Fyodor x9", which eventually got popular and got its continuations as "Land of kings" and "13 cards".
Even though the series is about a guy and his clones, you still can draw a lot of parallels with plurality and it just generally has a lot of plural vibes. The show is available on youtube, recommending to watch!! Idk about english dub, but the original vids got english subs.

As a really new system I think maybe. Our communication is really bad and sporadic and like. It's kind of hard to mentally pick up on what they're "saying"? sometimes it comes easier but most of the time it feels like it's up to me to interpret it... which is scary because what if I get it wrong....

we've tried writing/typing and such things but due to being median and how I'm almost always in front to some degree, I feel like I'd be influencing their answers in a way because writing is slower than thinking and they'd have to 'go through' me? is this a thing? Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how to deal

left: mizuki right:me -Kanade (she/they)🎵

Idk what flair to use but it was a silly test I found! It’s the DES (Dissociative Expressive Scale) n I got 88.5/100 (wow) specifically the one on the trauma dissociation site

I found two of them: https://pcsintensive.com/screening/screen_des.html and https://traumadissociation.com/des both are awesome, just do it on the site instead of printing them

Title. So I'm questioning if my experience is that of a median system and wanted to describe what's going so someone else who is a median system could tell me if this might be what I am.

Let me preface this by saying I know I do not fit the criteria for DID as it is diagnosed by the DSM. My experiences are not detrimental to my quality of life and I do not experience distinct amnesia barriers. This experience of mine is not a disability, and I don't want to claim to be disabled in this way when it's not negatively impacting me.

That being said, I will now describe my experiences.

I am a being that exists. I am one consciousness inside one body, yet I seem to have distinct "facets" to my identity that are tied to my kins. Whenever I have a kinshift, I feel an emotional and mental shift in the ways I behave. I have three major kins that have different ways of behaving and interacting with the world. I don't necessarily have to be in a distinctly kinshift, shift, in a sense. The shift can be more like a general shift of my existence. We are all one united being, however we have differences in how we think and feel and refer to ourselves and the world around us. It's like having three strange little critters in a trench coat and we take turns making the majority of the decisions. I don't have any amnesia barriers. Each of my kins feels like me. I'm one whole, just segmented sometimes, and sometimes those little parts feel more distinct and active. It's very clear to me when one of us is active, but usually we act as one whole being.

If my consciousness is like a piece of paper, our central existence is a brushstroke and our fragments are strokes of other colors along the edges. Usually blurry and connected, but somewhere it becomes clear that they're something individual.

I want to stress how unified we are. We're one being, one union, but I guess we just take turns seeing the world through each other's eyes.

We also have an original character who was accidentally willed into being a semi-distinct individul. We treat him like our character and his own person at the same time. We want him to exist outside our mind but recognize that he is part of us for now. We try to allow him as much freedom and autonomy as possible, and try to listen to how he wishes to be written when we do engage in creative writing with him. Since I am a Bendy fictionkin, I believe I am in a unique position to understand him and I try to give him the grace of a still-developing sentience.

This was a bit of a ramble, apologies. Though any perspectives on this situation would be helpful. Thank you for reading.

(TW! Mild swearing)

Sometimes I think about what could have been if we werent a system... Without memory barriers, identity confusion, etc... But then some funny situation happens like: one alter trying to catch their hat after it got blown away by the wind, singing " D@mn you ! You little prying fedora ! You little viper ! This is what you were trying to see ?! " like a phantom of the opera while chasing it. Its just too funny ( ˃𐃷˂ )

I've been wanting to write a book for quite a while, but keep getting stuck for reasons that I cannot figure out myself. I wonder if being plural might be causing issues. It could also be trauma related, but even then I cannot figure out why.

Has anyone here have experience with writing? What unique difficulties did you run into because of being plural? Was there anything that helped to deal with those issues?

I have had suspicion about DID for a few years - mainly when we moved impulsively to another country and became someone completely different, different gender, started transitioning. Or at least that’s when I remember it first kind of cracking through.

I don’t understand it. I don’t want it. Some parts feel like me - they lived parts of my life and I remember them and like being them. But the amount of noise and tension and competing needs and desires is overwhelming and I don’t think anyone will believe me.

I have struggled to cope my whole life. I was in psych wards at 13, seen so many therapists and doctors and now i also have FND which is extremely dissociative for me. The tremors aren’t so bad now and now there is some awareness / communication I’m not having seizures but it’s just too much.

I don’t want to accept it. I’ve accepted so much shit. I’ve battled my whole life to stay alive. And now to know that this is forever, that I will never be normal or recovered, that I have ANOTHER disability. It’s just so fucking unfair. I hate other people for not suffering like I do. I hate myself - or other parts - that try to control and guide constantly it’s absolutely exhausting and like I can never be free and I have no control - and I know it’s all me in different ways (aside from some that don’t front or haven’t for a while because they derailed our whole fucking life with NO communication)

The shame is overwhelming when someone comes out and takes over and acts. Like most of the time at the moment we have some awareness and can function but there’s daily amnesia, difficulties eating, sleeping, and I hate God for this existence. It’s beyond cruel.

I have reached out to a dissociative specialist clinic. I also have a consultation with a medical green (not sure what rules are on this stuff) clinic because CBD products help with communication and are how communication has increased.

But it feels beyond insane to experience. Confusing as hell. Makes relationships impossible. I got sober and have been for a few years and i still wake up like “wtf did I do last night?” and groan when I realise someone took over and did something like posting online. It makes me want to run away again. I’m just trying so fucking hard. It’s never enough.

its just for myself so i can roleplay and just talk with people! i like being referred to like im silver, or well, i am him but he isn't me so, i dunno. :D

https://www.tumblr.com/silverthehedgehogforreal

We came to a problem that our co-host/ex-host started to believe that he's not plural, and that we as alters don't exist at all. And our main host rarely can access front now because of that too.

But our main problem that, our co-host still does major part of our work and interactions + have most of the memories and skills. So we can't just permanently ban the guy, but we also can't have him at front for too much to not feed into his delusions.

What do we even do?

This is just doing my head in...

My name is Nia. I'm a fictive, I guess. The others only started hearing me about a week ago, so this is all pretty new. They've accepted me well enough, and I more or less understand what's going on 'ere, even if it's bloody awful for me in a lot of ways... Either way, that's beside the point. I care about 'em, they care for me, and at the end of the day, they were here first, so I want to respect all that.

Problem is, we already have a Nia in this system. It realised that it was trans long before any of us learned about the system, and it ended up latching onto my source pretty hard. It took all of my shite as a trans allegory, I guess. Used my story to figure out its own gender issues, and actually ended up naming itself after me because of it, which... well, look, it's flattering and I'm proud of it, but it's now left us in the awkward position of having two Nias in 'ere.

Honestly... I really don't want to detach from my source like this. Giving up my name feels like giving up a part of me, especially this early on in the piece. I was hopeful that I could just grab another name from my source to lean on, but the name I would've grabbed (Echell) was never actually voiced, so working out the pronunciation's been a right mess. I'm starting to realise that I might not have any other choice than just picking a second name, and it's just... The furball fought hard for its name; I'm not going to be taking "Nia" away from it, but where the 'ell does that leave me?

Ugh... Not sure why I'm writing all this. Think I just needed to vent about it. Anyone else here ran into this? How'd you solve it?

- Nia/Echell/whatever-the-'ell-comes-next

Christopher is a fictive of bianaca amberchrombi but in his "cannon" he is a trans man, however i added his died name with his consent because he says he knows the difference between him and his source.

Anyways he misses and remembers Dr albright the most wich is why in the innerworld we have him as an "NPC" to work with chris in his part of the world.

(Image unrelated)

Hello 👋 we’re the Legion system. We saw this trend and wanted to play too. Also we’re just bored so this looked fun! Pick a number between 1-12 and we’ll tell you a little bit about that headmate.

I don't want to 100% say I am plural until I've had time to think it through and bring it up with my therapist. But I've started treating myself as though I am and trying to connect with my headmates and it feels so right and makes a lot of sense. I even think I got a name out of one of them (Wreath, the comforting presence I've had since I was a teenager). To my current understanding, with the limited certainty I have, we are multiple distinct entities sharing a body, there's at least 3 of us in here, we're so "close" (idk??? how to describe it) that shifts are really subtle and it's hard to tell who's fronting, and internal communication is hard to discern from thought. But now that I've started thinking this way I've requested that someone else front and I think it happened?? Idk, this is all very new.

EDIT: going to sleep, won't be able to respond to comments

I couldn't end this day with showing you my, uh.. Sona? OC? Well, they are both! OC since Noah have his own backstory and others, and Sona since they are based by us, well, me the host actually, and also since my representation of me irl is a alter that emerged after Noah did go though messy things things, making him have me as the alter who fronts when things get rough and he wants to rest.

A bit confusing, I know, but since the story is very important to us, why not making that?

Any case, just hope my messy explanation can help you a bit, because it's very messy to explain in detail because I don't know that too lol.

I don’t know who I am right now, or if I (I’ll use a singular pronoun until confirming) am still a system anymore. I’ve suffered two system collapses, the first one a few months after syscovery then again two weeks ago. There’s a chance that I’m still a system, I can’t see myself doing anything that I did this morning, but I could also be suffering from severe depersonalisation. Memories are extremely difficult to access, all I usually get is a vague impression and I’ve been left to just float through life, with the ADHD-esque uncontrollable music being the only consistent thing that’s existed for the past maybe 3 years. There are times I throw remarks into the void half expecting anyone to answer, but nothing happens. I get intrusive thoughts, both sexual and self deprecating, but I can’t identify a source nor confirm whether it’s myself or someone else. Sometimes I just want to keep my head down and do nothing, other times I act out and get violent, everything about how the body is acting is contradictory and doesn’t make any sense to me and driving me mad.

I’m afraid to go back to being singlet. When I still believed I was a singlet, it meant suffering alone. When I understood I was a system and had my headmates for company, things felt more bearable. We all had our problems but we learnt to lean on each other for support. Now it’s back to jumpy, overly sensitive and completely lost over what’s happening and what to do. I’m sorry if I didn’t explain it well enough, but I’m looking for some advice to try and figure out the current situation before it deteriorates further.

Hello! We are a collection of around 14-15 headmates. we had our syscovery by making a Tulpa or two, which then made our brain think: "Yeah, let's reveal the rest of them!"

So we currently do not know our offical origin. We know that creating headmates is possible. We spend a healthy amount of time in system spaces, primarily reddit. We try to avoid Tiktok.

Why?

Everyone on that app cannot fathom a plurality outside of CDD's, or people who don't know their origin, or even undiagnosed people!

Theyre incredibly hostile, closeminded, and toxic, despite trying to say they "don't fakeclaim".

they're constantly putting other systems down, telling them what is and isn't going on inside their brain.

its an incredibly harmful place for anyone who's plural to be, and we can quickly almost fall into their mindset since we have a lot of doubt.

systok is also how we thought we had DID for like 4 years, then realized we were making up half our alters and experiences to appease the twisted mindset systok and syscord planted into our brain. We have started to think only 2-3 of the 130+ alters from 202?-2024 were actual headmates that either:

1. eventually existed via tulpamancy/willomancy, then went dormant/fused/whatever

or

1. already existed but had very bad communication and disliked the host of the time (who could've been ANYONE)

We have insane memory loss regarding 2023-2024 BECAUSE of how deluded we were about our systemhood, so our brain is shutting out that part of our life (that and our ex, but it was definitely mainly the deluded DID)

all this to say that systok is a horrible space for anyone plural to go, and you will quickly spiral into doubting yourself and then becoming a hateful and judging POS.

It's a load of bull. And dont get me started on syscord.