Just introduce I am a 21 year-old female who considers myself asexual and that’s for good reasons! Here are some that I know from childhood

1) I’ve never actually had a real crush on somebody only fictional crushes
2) as embarrassing as it seems, my body more reacts to books and fictional scenarios if it is sexual/romance rather than real people as much

Now I realize that I have a huge type in men recently, and I was thinking to myself. “OK that’s pretty cool.” but what would I do if a man I completely envisioned that I like on social media comes up to me and likes me back? Thinking about it I feel like I would be probably uncomfortable? Maybe I wouldn’t feel much?

what I’ve found out is that I am attracted to men only a certain type of men though, recently, I even surprised myself that I consider a real guy in one of my college classes cute and that is super rare. But also, I didn’t feel anything else but observing that he’s cute to me.

I am not attracted to women in the way you would think? I do not feel any sexual attraction, but I feel like I wouldn’t completely be uncomfortable with being with a woman as long as it has nothing to do with sex. Like I have a really good friend I love so platonically much that we even agreed to get married together by maybe 30 if we don’t find someone🤧 to be honest I feel nothing sexually towards her at all. It’s just intense platonic love really but then I don’t know how she would feel because it’s not like I feel it romantically like I don’t think of like kissing her or anything like that.

Now, if I think of men, and if I think of the type of men, I like, I guess I could envision sexual encounters, but only if they’re fictional so far, I’m unsure if I’m comfortable thinking of a real encounter

Everything is up in the air since I don’t really have a lot of experience, but I’ve just been feeling and noticing things I still really love being asexual, even though sometimes it hurts because I’m a huge romantic at heart but then again I don’t think I even have capacity to be in a relationship completely? I would love anyone to give me advice who’s been through this longer than me I think I’ve only realized I was asexual about maybe two years ago?

Oh!! I also forgot to add I’ve only been surrounded by two men in my life, and that was my sister’s stepdad before he passed away, and my grandfather, who I became distant with. other than that I’ve always been surrounded by women, including friends, and I’ve always been close to teachers and any type of others positions with women.. I rarely had connections with a guy.

For context, one day my friend was telling me that if a man in a relationship watches porn, she considers that cheating. I personally disagreed and asked why she felt that way. Her explanation was,"if a man in watching porn, that means he's getting sexually aroused by the thought of another girl." This reply made me realize I only watch porn for the fantasy/kink or the scenario of it. I don't really care what the actors look like; they're kind of like a vessel to convey the sexual situation. I never watched porn because I was specifically sexually attracted to an actor. So when she mentioned watching porn being cheating, I never even considered that people think of porn differently and are attracted to specific actors. Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm asexual.

It is kinda complicated, though, because I have felt sexual attraction (or at least what I think is sexual attraction) towards only two people, and they were like celebrity crushes. I considered greysexuality, but the sub describes greysexuals as people who rarely experience sexual attraction and feel it after forming a strong bond. However, I haven't formed a strong bond with these celebrities.

However, the thought of sex repulses me; it seems painful, too vulnerable, uncomfortable, and has a risk of various diseases. Masturbation just seems better/the same. However, that could just be a fear of intimacy.

Idk I just feel so confused, but I'm only 18, so I guess I'll figure it out.

Hello! I have recently been considering that I might be asexual because I watched jaiden animations video being not straight and it just spiraled from there. Now I wanted to come here to ask if my experience with my sexuality sounds like asexuality. I have fantasies in my head but they're usually just sex fantasies and I masterbate pretty often but I have a pretty bad anxiety disorder so I think the masterbation could just be another way of stress relief? I'm not too sure about that but what's really confusing me is that I feel really repulsed to the idea of having sex and being in a romantic relationship. I mean everytime that I would get presented with the opportunity I would just say no. Not because I was scared because I just straight up didn't want it and especially sex. It always felt so weird and foreign and honestly kind of nerveracking and gross. Does that sound like asexuality because I'm not really sure. Because it's like how could I be repulsed to even want to have sex but still have sex fantasies in my head? It just makes no sense to me.

i’m not looking for sympathy i really just wanna share the sheer idiocy and ignorance ppl have displayed

“I think you are just gay”

“you have low testosterone”

“something is clearly wrong with you mentally or hormonally if you don’t want sex”

“it’s ok if you are gay really”

“it’s natural get over it”

“i know someone else who is going through an asexual phase”

“you need to be pumped with testosterone and start going to the gym” (im already very physically active and in good shape)

“sometimes you just need to meet the right person to unlock those feelings”

“how do you know if you havnt tried”

what are crazy things yall been told or asked?

Iam struggling who am i i want to rest in peace
Do i love pink or cars or am i just trying to forget my scars
By passing fast by the eras i used called peace but it’s just darkness all of the sudden i feel sadness nobody by my mystery mind tryna see what’s hidden behind all my fake smiles
But do i want company or less i have changed Iam somebody else
I don’t recognize myself but what about my friends

Within the community there's those who are favorable, averse and indifferent, and I hate that there's discrimination against Asexuals towards other Asexuals as well.

Those who are favorable or indifferent sometimes calls us who are averse to have a disorder or that we just suffer from purity culture or sexism, then those who are averse will sometimes gatekeep and call people who are favorable or indifferent to not be ace, or people who think being Averse/Favorable or Indifferent are just personality traits you could change if you wanted to.

I am a sex repulsed artist who will draw NSFW for commissions and in a relationship, I hate when people will assume I suffer from purity culture when many works of mine in the past have been deeply rooted in BDSM. I hate the assumption I am forcing my Allo boyfriend in a relationship when many times I've encouraged he could leave me. We've been together for years now and to him, he may be Allo but sex isn't important to him.

I could've easily ignored this if it's coming from Allo folks, but other Aces? It's awful.

All my life I never really had any interest in having sex. I do get aroused and horny, but not for sex, more for stimulation and affection. I've had sex before, not a whole lot, but enough, and I never been blown away by any experience. I read this book called LOVE MAPS where they discuss, sexual paraphilias and perversions. I only mention this because I think my interest in kinks and fetishes got to me before sex did. I feel like I'm not making any sense, but my loaded question is how do you know if you're truly asexual or not? I feel like I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life because every woman I get involved with just wants sex, and once they find out that I'm not really interested in sex, they either cheat on me or just abandon me :(

I’m sorry, I know people are tired of seeing these posts, but this shit was genuinely so disgusting. For context, the post was saying that there is something wrong with you if you find genitals disgusting, basically shaming people for that. I don’t really see why we should be shamed for not wanting to hear about that and finding it gross - you are well within your right to talk about these things. But I also don’t really like to hear about them either. I can maybe hear about it when it’s extremely non descriptive, but that’s it. But the point of the post isn’t really what matters, it’s the fact that this person is just full on SHAMING me for being asexual and sex repulsed. That is the issue here. And I’m so tired because I’ve been attacked a lot for being sex repulsed in the past month.

This is mostly a question

Sort of a research- and intrigue-based post. I'm trying to collect ways of explaining asexuality so that when something I default to fails to explain it. I have other examples and ways of talking about it.

So

How do you tell people you're ace, if you tell them at all?

What metaphors or comparisons do you make?

What media do you reference: books, TV, movies, etc.?

What are quintessential Ace experiences you think help explain the community and identity?

Feel free to ask and answer any of your own questions you feel fit this area of questions.

So far ive only been in two relationships, both times my partner was not asexual. While not the sole reason, me being asexual caused both of the relationships to end. Both people expressed that it hurt them that I dont feel any sexual desire towards them. I dont really understand it, but I can clearly see how hurt they both felt. Now im unsure if its possible to be with allo people without hurting them in the process severely. Have yall been able to communicate through it?

I am double demi, aegosexual, sex indifferent, with pan aesthetics.

Any sort of anything sexual or romantic requires a bond, whether it is hyperfixation (autistic) or otherwise. That is why double demi fits me.

Aegosexual, because the IDEA of sex is much, much better than actual sex. This is what confused me about the indifference label until I realized this was a thing. I prefer, highly, to do things myself for release. The idea of sex, great, arousing. The act? Meh, not great, definitely do not need it.

Sex Indifferent. Because I could take or leave real sex. I don't NEED a partner for gratification. Though, I do not mind doing it for my partner as a way to express affection to them. If I seek out sex, it is psychologically rather physically driven. Because I might do it for personal reasons, either for them or myself, but I don'tget sexual gratification from it and do not care if I never get touched by someone again or not.

Pan aesthetic. Because I find people of any gender nice to look at, even somewhat arousing briefly, though have no urge or desire to act on it whatsoever. I only entertain the idea of acting if I have some sort of bond with the person. And like I said, I find the idea of sex with someone much more pleasing than the real act.

Is this a valid label? Is it too much? Does it make sense? I'm new to the idea that I am on the ace spectrum at all and then I started realizing that some of the smaller labels applied. I had been very confused about my libido vs action vs motivation thing, until I found out about being aego, and that part makes the entire thing click for me.

So, just as the title said, I (f 20's) think I'm becoming sex-adverse.

I also want to tag this as vent and question because I wanna do both but I can only chose one tag

So, I've never had sex I just don't feel ready (this is actually really hard to write out, thanks Catholic church)

Okey form the beginning, I've never had sex but I have dabbled in masturbating, i have been trying to feel something, anything really, but I just don't get it. Touching myself doesn't really do anything (for some reason it just makes me itchy and I hate it) I have been doing it more often but honestly, it's meh, it usually last like 2 minutes and then I'm like "I'm done with this" and I go back to what I was doing

I keep doing it but I don't even like it! I'm like "well maybe this time it'll be different" but it's not! I'm like insane cuz I keep doing the same thing trying to get different results.

I wanna have children someday but the idea of sex it's kinda off putting, when I was younger the idea of sex was a forget thing, something I might do someday but I'm getting older and I just don't feel like having sex. Sex with men or women don't seem appealing, I don't know, the bodily fluids of both just discust me.

I've been watching porn as a way to like, get used to the idea? But I just watch it for 5 minutes and I get bored

smut and fanfiction are more entertaining, sometimes hentai but hentai is honestly so repetitive and some stories yuck me out, like lolitas. No, just. No

What about you? People in the community how do you feel? Do any of you have had a similar experience?

I know I've been ace since I was 13. I wanna have children from my own body someday, but how can I when I don't want to have sex and other methods like insemination are so expensive, how can I get a partner that will understand all of this?

(Also I'm questioning if I'm aromantic but that's more difficult to pinpoint)

It's really liberating to write this down, I have many other things to say, but for the moment that is all

If you read to the end, thank you so much!

By~

For exemple parents, friends or relatives who ask "when will you date; when will you marry; do you like anyone yet"

I am glad that my mother had told me that she is fine if I ever never want to date or have a relationship. But I still get these questions from my other relatives and some of my friends who don't know that I am in aroace spectrum.

I also don't want to give explanations on "what does aroace means" to my relatives, cuz with their mindset, might just call me crazy and I don't want to waste my energy there.

I have also cut contacts with one of my cousins who completly stepped over boundaries (kept asking about my lovelife even when I repeatedly told him to stop trying to be noisy and set me up with his friends/ and some other stuff too). With him it was easy, since this one cousin I barely knew well enough (he also tried to push the idea of being "best cousins forever" type shi). But i can't do it with my other relatives.

would like to know y'alls experience and feelings facing this type of situations.

So for context, I (not gonna say my age NB) thought I was aroace for a couple of years now. I have never had a proper crush or anything, and people that I "liked" were just nice people that I wanted to be friends with.

But now it is kinda different. I hadn't noticed it till a few weeks ago, but I think I might have had a crush on one of my french classmates for about a year now (might be longer though idrk lmao), and it is definitely more than a crush at this point.

There is a slight chance that he likes me back, but whenever I think of a proper relationship, I freak out and am totally disgusted (as before). But when I think about HIM (Not in a relationship kinda way), I want to be with him. It is very weird to me and I would really like to hear sum of your opinions about this.

Thank you for checking out my post!! :P

~Ace

I just feel grossed out by the idea of putting a sensitive body part into somebodys body cavity with mucus and possible bacteria, just in general, I don't like it the same way I don't wanna put my fingers in someones mouth. Vulvas don't look nice, to me they look like a displaced deformed mouth, not something I'd wanna put anywhere near my face. Hell, I don't even like my own genitals, a dick feels floppy and weird-looking. I do get horny, but not even then can I willingly do activities that seem disgusting.

so i've been reading up more about asexuality and a lot of experiences i see are somewhat shared with autism, and it's making it harder to figure out if i'm actually asexual or if it's just autism. if you're also autistic, how did you figure out you were asexual?

Hi -

32(m) married to 32(f) who is asexual. We grew up evangelical and didn’t have the skills/info to know she was asexual until late in marriage. We have since deconstructed and now we know. In some ways, it’s refreshing and very beneficial.

but I still have a sex drive. Im considering taking medication to lower my libido. Before I research the specifics, does anyone here have experience or know someone who took this route?

thanks

I got a bad period cramp so I asked a male coworker to cover my shift and told him I am on my period. I did not think much because he covered my shift when I got a cold before and I also told him I got a cold. I did not want to just say I was sick because I knew he would ask what was wrong, tell me to be careful with the weather in Texas and bla bla. I just did not think much when tell him I’m on my period cuz we are normal friends. We talk about our customers and stuff. He just said ok and hope me feel better.
The next day, a coworker who was supposed to work with me ended up working with him. She asked him where I was, and he told her I am tired because I’m on my period.
And she just sent me a long text scolding me why I talked to him about something so personal as if he were my boyfriend.
You might wonder why the work environment seems so informal.
We work at a family owned ethnic stores, so it’s not exactly a work culture with strict workplace communication and policies.
But honestly, I felt fine, I did not think I did something wrong until I got scolded by my coworker.
Also, I can casually jokes about sex. For example, when I am with my allo girl friends, and we see a hot guy passing by, I feel comfortable joining them to admire his physique and how hot he is.
Fellow aces, do you experience what I experience? Or am I a pick-me girl without me realising it? Am I socially tone deaf???

​

For those of you who are asexual and have an allo partner , have you ever made any kind of arrangements or compromises regarding sex in your relationship?

I wish to know how other couples navigate this?