i’m not looking for sympathy i really just wanna share the sheer idiocy and ignorance ppl have displayed

“I think you are just gay”

“you have low testosterone”

“something is clearly wrong with you mentally or hormonally if you don’t want sex”

“it’s ok if you are gay really”

“it’s natural get over it”

“i know someone else who is going through an asexual phase”

“you need to be pumped with testosterone and start going to the gym” (im already very physically active and in good shape)

“sometimes you just need to meet the right person to unlock those feelings”

“how do you know if you havnt tried”

what are crazy things yall been told or asked?

I just feel grossed out by the idea of putting a sensitive body part into somebodys body cavity with mucus and possible bacteria, just in general, I don't like it the same way I don't wanna put my fingers in someones mouth. Vulvas don't look nice, to me they look like a displaced deformed mouth, not something I'd wanna put anywhere near my face. Hell, I don't even like my own genitals, a dick feels floppy and weird-looking. I do get horny, but not even then can I willingly do activities that seem disgusting.

Within the community there's those who are favorable, averse and indifferent, and I hate that there's discrimination against Asexuals towards other Asexuals as well.

Those who are favorable or indifferent sometimes calls us who are averse to have a disorder or that we just suffer from purity culture or sexism, then those who are averse will sometimes gatekeep and call people who are favorable or indifferent to not be ace, or people who think being Averse/Favorable or Indifferent are just personality traits you could change if you wanted to.

I am a sex repulsed artist who will draw NSFW for commissions and in a relationship, I hate when people will assume I suffer from purity culture when many works of mine in the past have been deeply rooted in BDSM. I hate the assumption I am forcing my Allo boyfriend in a relationship when many times I've encouraged he could leave me. We've been together for years now and to him, he may be Allo but sex isn't important to him.

I could've easily ignored this if it's coming from Allo folks, but other Aces? It's awful.

I’m entirely open to discussion on this front, I myself am not a lesbian, i’m queer, sex-averse asexual, and genderfluid, so i don’t doubt there is an aspect to this conversation i don’t understand from pure experience. I actually want someone to convince me that I’m wrong because i’m actually pretty confused and feel like i’m in the minority here and that i have a bad view on this situation. ok here goes:

I think because i’ve interacted with this community for so long, I’ve come to realize a very real divide between sexual attraction and libido. someone can have zero attraction to someone and still have sex with them. is there something i’m missing here? is this different somehow? i understand there’s been an influx of ppl calling themselves lesbians and then dating men later on, and so many people are sensitive to this issue, and maybe King Princess really is bi, that’s not really what i’m arguing against though. my point is that sexual attraction and the want for sex is a different thing, is it not? so then why hypothetically can someone not attracted to men not have sexual with men out of a desire for sex?

i don’t know it just feels like a lot of the backlash is emotionally driven rather than logically thought out. i’m confused, maybe im missing context. i also feel quite literally zero sexual attraction or have any amount of a libido so maybe it’s the fact that i literally do not understand how wanting sex/being attracted to ppl works😭

I’m sorry, I know people are tired of seeing these posts, but this shit was genuinely so disgusting. For context, the post was saying that there is something wrong with you if you find genitals disgusting, basically shaming people for that. I don’t really see why we should be shamed for not wanting to hear about that and finding it gross - you are well within your right to talk about these things. But I also don’t really like to hear about them either. I can maybe hear about it when it’s extremely non descriptive, but that’s it. But the point of the post isn’t really what matters, it’s the fact that this person is just full on SHAMING me for being asexual and sex repulsed. That is the issue here. And I’m so tired because I’ve been attacked a lot for being sex repulsed in the past month.

so i've been reading up more about asexuality and a lot of experiences i see are somewhat shared with autism, and it's making it harder to figure out if i'm actually asexual or if it's just autism. if you're also autistic, how did you figure out you were asexual?

I’ve paying attention to myself for the past few months, and have found that I can have period where I am RAVENOUSLY horny and crave intimacy and a relationship, and then I go through phases where even the idea of having sex makes me uncomfortable.

I can go from reading a smut that I find devastatingly hot, for instance, and then read it again in one of these phases and be really uncomfortable at even imagining sexualising someone.

Does anyone else experience this? My future partner’s def gonna be in for a silly time with one month them practically being jumped every day (joke) to only wanting to read next to each other and perhaps intertwine legs, and have both of these flip flop. Curious to know! And if so, what is this?

For context, one day my friend was telling me that if a man in a relationship watches porn, she considers that cheating. I personally disagreed and asked why she felt that way. Her explanation was,"if a man in watching porn, that means he's getting sexually aroused by the thought of another girl." This reply made me realize I only watch porn for the fantasy/kink or the scenario of it. I don't really care what the actors look like; they're kind of like a vessel to convey the sexual situation. I never watched porn because I was specifically sexually attracted to an actor. So when she mentioned watching porn being cheating, I never even considered that people think of porn differently and are attracted to specific actors. Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm asexual.

It is kinda complicated, though, because I have felt sexual attraction (or at least what I think is sexual attraction) towards only two people, and they were like celebrity crushes. I considered greysexuality, but the sub describes greysexuals as people who rarely experience sexual attraction and feel it after forming a strong bond. However, I haven't formed a strong bond with these celebrities.

However, the thought of sex repulses me; it seems painful, too vulnerable, uncomfortable, and has a risk of various diseases. Masturbation just seems better/the same. However, that could just be a fear of intimacy.

Idk I just feel so confused, but I'm only 18, so I guess I'll figure it out.

I got a bad period cramp so I asked a male coworker to cover my shift and told him I am on my period. I did not think much because he covered my shift when I got a cold before and I also told him I got a cold. I did not want to just say I was sick because I knew he would ask what was wrong, tell me to be careful with the weather in Texas and bla bla. I just did not think much when tell him I’m on my period cuz we are normal friends. We talk about our customers and stuff. He just said ok and hope me feel better.
The next day, a coworker who was supposed to work with me ended up working with him. She asked him where I was, and he told her I am tired because I’m on my period.
And she just sent me a long text scolding me why I talked to him about something so personal as if he were my boyfriend.
You might wonder why the work environment seems so informal.
We work at a family owned ethnic stores, so it’s not exactly a work culture with strict workplace communication and policies.
But honestly, I felt fine, I did not think I did something wrong until I got scolded by my coworker.
Also, I can casually jokes about sex. For example, when I am with my allo girl friends, and we see a hot guy passing by, I feel comfortable joining them to admire his physique and how hot he is.
Fellow aces, do you experience what I experience? Or am I a pick-me girl without me realising it? Am I socially tone deaf???

You know how sometimes people will go" This [ name of actor/ character] was my gay/bi awakening"?

Was thinking about that today and it made me wonder ... what would an asexual (or even aromantic) awakening look like? from other people's experiences, it seems like more of a reflection on various clues coming together and I wanted to ask then. I'm not too well versed on things

Just introduce I am a 21 year-old female who considers myself asexual and that’s for good reasons! Here are some that I know from childhood

1) I’ve never actually had a real crush on somebody only fictional crushes
2) as embarrassing as it seems, my body more reacts to books and fictional scenarios if it is sexual/romance rather than real people as much

Now I realize that I have a huge type in men recently, and I was thinking to myself. “OK that’s pretty cool.” but what would I do if a man I completely envisioned that I like on social media comes up to me and likes me back? Thinking about it I feel like I would be probably uncomfortable? Maybe I wouldn’t feel much?

what I’ve found out is that I am attracted to men only a certain type of men though, recently, I even surprised myself that I consider a real guy in one of my college classes cute and that is super rare. But also, I didn’t feel anything else but observing that he’s cute to me.

I am not attracted to women in the way you would think? I do not feel any sexual attraction, but I feel like I wouldn’t completely be uncomfortable with being with a woman as long as it has nothing to do with sex. Like I have a really good friend I love so platonically much that we even agreed to get married together by maybe 30 if we don’t find someone🤧 to be honest I feel nothing sexually towards her at all. It’s just intense platonic love really but then I don’t know how she would feel because it’s not like I feel it romantically like I don’t think of like kissing her or anything like that.

Now, if I think of men, and if I think of the type of men, I like, I guess I could envision sexual encounters, but only if they’re fictional so far, I’m unsure if I’m comfortable thinking of a real encounter

Everything is up in the air since I don’t really have a lot of experience, but I’ve just been feeling and noticing things I still really love being asexual, even though sometimes it hurts because I’m a huge romantic at heart but then again I don’t think I even have capacity to be in a relationship completely? I would love anyone to give me advice who’s been through this longer than me I think I’ve only realized I was asexual about maybe two years ago?

Oh!! I also forgot to add I’ve only been surrounded by two men in my life, and that was my sister’s stepdad before he passed away, and my grandfather, who I became distant with. other than that I’ve always been surrounded by women, including friends, and I’ve always been close to teachers and any type of others positions with women.. I rarely had connections with a guy.

Marking NSFW for the photo. I EXPLICITLY said in their like 5,000 question survey I was not sexually active. Yet they still tried to make me fill out the sexual activity survey (I skipped all the questions) weird but whatever. So I finish setting up the app and am immediately greeted with this bullshit! Sex makes me so incredibly uncomfortable, I don’t want sex tips, for an app that claims to be personalized they really didn’t listen to that part. On some fucking bullshit ig.

Hello! I have recently been considering that I might be asexual because I watched jaiden animations video being not straight and it just spiraled from there. Now I wanted to come here to ask if my experience with my sexuality sounds like asexuality. I have fantasies in my head but they're usually just sex fantasies and I masterbate pretty often but I have a pretty bad anxiety disorder so I think the masterbation could just be another way of stress relief? I'm not too sure about that but what's really confusing me is that I feel really repulsed to the idea of having sex and being in a romantic relationship. I mean everytime that I would get presented with the opportunity I would just say no. Not because I was scared because I just straight up didn't want it and especially sex. It always felt so weird and foreign and honestly kind of nerveracking and gross. Does that sound like asexuality because I'm not really sure. Because it's like how could I be repulsed to even want to have sex but still have sex fantasies in my head? It just makes no sense to me.

Hey everyone,

Me (22NB) and my partner (23F) have been dating for nearly 3 years, and living together for the last 2, as she moved from her country to come live with me. I still love her with all my heart, but it hurts so much. She discovered that she was ace during our relationship, as we had less and less sex. I've always been understanding and supportive of her, and I would never want to do anything if she's not 100% into it. And I know it's probably something wrong with me, but it's hard for me to feel loved without physical contact, especially sex, and I have a very high libido. Even though I know she loves me, everyday it just hurts that she doesn't want me. I don't want to break up with her, and she needs me. What should I do? Should I seek therapy?

All my life I never really had any interest in having sex. I do get aroused and horny, but not for sex, more for stimulation and affection. I've had sex before, not a whole lot, but enough, and I never been blown away by any experience. I read this book called LOVE MAPS where they discuss, sexual paraphilias and perversions. I only mention this because I think my interest in kinks and fetishes got to me before sex did. I feel like I'm not making any sense, but my loaded question is how do you know if you're truly asexual or not? I feel like I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life because every woman I get involved with just wants sex, and once they find out that I'm not really interested in sex, they either cheat on me or just abandon me :(

For exemple parents, friends or relatives who ask "when will you date; when will you marry; do you like anyone yet"

I am glad that my mother had told me that she is fine if I ever never want to date or have a relationship. But I still get these questions from my other relatives and some of my friends who don't know that I am in aroace spectrum.

I also don't want to give explanations on "what does aroace means" to my relatives, cuz with their mindset, might just call me crazy and I don't want to waste my energy there.

I have also cut contacts with one of my cousins who completly stepped over boundaries (kept asking about my lovelife even when I repeatedly told him to stop trying to be noisy and set me up with his friends/ and some other stuff too). With him it was easy, since this one cousin I barely knew well enough (he also tried to push the idea of being "best cousins forever" type shi). But i can't do it with my other relatives.

would like to know y'alls experience and feelings facing this type of situations.

I feel like I'll be downvoted heavily for this, but I need to vent. I'm jealous of sex-favorable/indifferent Asexuals for the fact my repulsion is to a point even seeing or hearing discussions brings me severe distress, and sex is something that's super normal, which obviously, nothing wrong with that, I just wish I didn't have to go through my adult life feeling so uncomfortable and it's no one's fault, Im having difficulty trying to cope.

My repulsion isn't that extreme 100% of the time, but at it's peak it feels like I'm hearing people, as funny of a metaphor it is, talking about cannibalism and the specifics of how they do it. Basically, my repulsion comes in moods, hell, there are kinks I do like seeing in fiction but even then my mood seeing it depends, the cannibalism metaphor I used is if the repulsion is at 100%.

I want to speak with other people my age without feeling like a child who doesn't want to talk about sex or kinks, which I do sometimes but that's perhaps 30% of my mood, most of the time, I'm repulsed, I think the feeling of isolation is more severe when I'm an artist in fandom spaces for adults, and of course that'll often come with discussion of NSFW often.

This is mostly a question

Sort of a research- and intrigue-based post. I'm trying to collect ways of explaining asexuality so that when something I default to fails to explain it. I have other examples and ways of talking about it.

So

How do you tell people you're ace, if you tell them at all?

What metaphors or comparisons do you make?

What media do you reference: books, TV, movies, etc.?

What are quintessential Ace experiences you think help explain the community and identity?

Feel free to ask and answer any of your own questions you feel fit this area of questions.

So far ive only been in two relationships, both times my partner was not asexual. While not the sole reason, me being asexual caused both of the relationships to end. Both people expressed that it hurt them that I dont feel any sexual desire towards them. I dont really understand it, but I can clearly see how hurt they both felt. Now im unsure if its possible to be with allo people without hurting them in the process severely. Have yall been able to communicate through it?

I’m sure some of you heard the recent drama surrounding that “comedian” (I’d never heard of him before) who made a failure of a joke on SNL about women “dressing like wh*res to the gym these days.”

Man did that sh*t* piss me off.* It incited so much debate on the internet, so many men giving bs opinions and saying “well, yeah, women do dress like wh\res to the gym, we notice it all the time!”*

It makes me so mad as an asexual woman who has valued athletics and training for literal years. It’s not my fault I have boobs and a butt! I’m literally made of meat, we all are. Women’s sportswear is designed for their bodies, for maximum comfort, for support, for the ability to observe one’s own muscles and verify that you’re doing a lift correctly. I’ve covered up when going to the gym too, but it doesn’t feel like my style and makes me feel like I’m wearing pajamas/dressed like a bum.

I HATE that so many men treat women like our bodies are made solely to have sex with them. Because men really think that!!!! Even “good” men who say they’re your friends and that they respect women or whatever. Recently I was talking to an elderly male coworker who always seemed like he loved his wife, but he was telling me she had to give up a sport she loved because her boobs literally got too big for it. He told me she had been really upset over this, but his response to her was “he didn’t mind, he liked it.”
Like what a callous and demeaning thing to say🤦‍♀️ she misses the sport she loved and he’s just basking in having access to “big b**bies”.

Sorry for the rant, but lately it really does seem like there is this disconnect in all men’s brains and that they will never see us as fully human. I’m on lexapro for depression but even still it’s a feeling I grapple with a lot :/