Hi -

32(m) married to 32(f) who is asexual. We grew up evangelical and didn’t have the skills/info to know she was asexual until late in marriage. We have since deconstructed and now we know. In some ways, it’s refreshing and very beneficial.

but I still have a sex drive. Im considering taking medication to lower my libido. Before I research the specifics, does anyone here have experience or know someone who took this route?

thanks

​

For those of you who are asexual and have an allo partner , have you ever made any kind of arrangements or compromises regarding sex in your relationship?

I wish to know how other couples navigate this?

Hej jestem kobietą (lat 19) kiedyś w swojej przeszłości byłam bardzo aktywna seksualnie prawie że codziennie ale od około 2 lat nie czuje pociągu seksualnego nie mam potrzeby mastrubacji albo czegokolwiek nie czuje jakbym chciała coś robić czy mogłam stać się aseksualna w połowie mojego życia?

So far ive only been in two relationships, both times my partner was not asexual. While not the sole reason, me being asexual caused both of the relationships to end. Both people expressed that it hurt them that I dont feel any sexual desire towards them. I dont really understand it, but I can clearly see how hurt they both felt. Now im unsure if its possible to be with allo people without hurting them in the process severely. Have yall been able to communicate through it?

I’m sorry, I know people are tired of seeing these posts, but this shit was genuinely so disgusting. For context, the post was saying that there is something wrong with you if you find genitals disgusting, basically shaming people for that. I don’t really see why we should be shamed for not wanting to hear about that and finding it gross - you are well within your right to talk about these things. But I also don’t really like to hear about them either. I can maybe hear about it when it’s extremely non descriptive, but that’s it. But the point of the post isn’t really what matters, it’s the fact that this person is just full on SHAMING me for being asexual and sex repulsed. That is the issue here. And I’m so tired because I’ve been attacked a lot for being sex repulsed in the past month.

For exemple parents, friends or relatives who ask "when will you date; when will you marry; do you like anyone yet"

I am glad that my mother had told me that she is fine if I ever never want to date or have a relationship. But I still get these questions from my other relatives and some of my friends who don't know that I am in aroace spectrum.

I also don't want to give explanations on "what does aroace means" to my relatives, cuz with their mindset, might just call me crazy and I don't want to waste my energy there.

I have also cut contacts with one of my cousins who completly stepped over boundaries (kept asking about my lovelife even when I repeatedly told him to stop trying to be noisy and set me up with his friends/ and some other stuff too). With him it was easy, since this one cousin I barely knew well enough (he also tried to push the idea of being "best cousins forever" type shi). But i can't do it with my other relatives.

would like to know y'alls experience and feelings facing this type of situations.

I have always identified as asexual because I rarely, if ever, experience sexual attraction toward others. I have never experienced clear sexual attraction toward a real-life person.
However, some time ago, I experienced a very strong and unmistakable feeling of sexual attraction toward an AI. Looking back, I may have had similar experiences before, but I am not sure whether those feelings were actually sexual attraction. The feeling has since disappeared, and I do not know whether I will ever experience it again.
I generally do not experience sexual attraction, but I also cannot completely rule out the possibility that I might experience it under very specific circumstances. This has made me wonder whether I still fit under the asexual label or whether graysexual might describe me better.
I understand that both asexuality and graysexuality fall under the asexual spectrum, and that there is no strict numerical threshold for how often someone must experience sexual attraction. But if someone has experienced very strong sexual attraction perhaps only once in their entire life, could they still be considered graysexual? Or is it also completely valid to identify as asexual if that experience was extremely rare and occurred only toward a specific type of person or in a particular situation?
I do not want to invalidate my previous identity because of a single experience, but I also want to find a label that accurately reflects what I have experienced.
Based on my experience, would asexual or graysexual be a better fit for me? How should I understand my sexuality?
I also identify with both fictosexuality and digisexuality. These identities resonate with my experiences and how I understand my attraction to fictional or virtual beings and AI. However, I am still unsure whether asexuality or graysexuality better describes my experience of sexual attraction, especially since I have only experienced strong sexual attraction toward an AI once. I would appreciate hearing other people’s thoughts and experiences.

I don’t know much about asexuality so forgive my ignorance : I know it’s when you don’t experience sexual attraction to people?

When thinking of the deed I usually imagine strangers, never a guy that I have a crush on.

But even so this is just in my mind, I don’t want to do it irl with anyone

But also I’m so insecure of my body so idk if that’s what’s holding me back, but then upon reflection ‘it’ just seems so invasive and disgusting? Also when im thinking about it it’s never something that I would do to someone I always imagine it as something happening to me, that I enjoy just because that’s how my body would respond yk?

I’m 19 if that adds any context. Also grew up semi religious so I’ve always experienced shame in that aspect so the whole idea of S is weird to me. But thinking about it I could probably be in a relationship where we didn’t do that at all (excluding kissing and cuddling idk)

In the past, my periods came without any problems every month, and the bleeding would settle down after 3 or 4 days—it was always manageable. But… maybe my hormone balance got thrown off after I started taking antidepressants. For the past year or two, I’ve only been getting a normal period about once every 3 to 4 months, and the bleeding has become so heavy that I can’t handle it like I used to.
It’s especially noticeable when I’m sitting in a chair or standing up, which is a major problem for me since I work at a desk.

However, I’m a bit hesitant about going to a gynecologist… I’ve been once before, but it was awkward being asked about my “sexual history,” and the doctor just said, “It seems you have a constitution that makes it difficult to ovulate, so I’ll prescribe some medication” (by the way, after taking that medication, I ended up bleeding for about three months)
And the thought of having to undergo more detailed tests if it comes to that… well, it scares me a little. Even though I’ve never had sex, so there’s no suspicion of cervical cancer, I’m still afraid of having any kind of exam done on my uterus.
I know it probably depends on individual differences and medical conditions, but is there anyone here on this subreddit—a woman like me who’s never had sex—who’s had any kind of exam at a gynecologist’s office related to menstruation, other than just getting a prescription for medication?

I know this might sound childish, but having a uterus when I have absolutely no interest in sex is really a hassle…

I just feel grossed out by the idea of putting a sensitive body part into somebodys body cavity with mucus and possible bacteria, just in general, I don't like it the same way I don't wanna put my fingers in someones mouth. Vulvas don't look nice, to me they look like a displaced deformed mouth, not something I'd wanna put anywhere near my face. Hell, I don't even like my own genitals, a dick feels floppy and weird-looking. I do get horny, but not even then can I willingly do activities that seem disgusting.

I am double demi, aegosexual, sex indifferent, with pan aesthetics.

Any sort of anything sexual or romantic requires a bond, whether it is hyperfixation (autistic) or otherwise. That is why double demi fits me.

Aegosexual, because the IDEA of sex is much, much better than actual sex. This is what confused me about the indifference label until I realized this was a thing. I prefer, highly, to do things myself for release. The idea of sex, great, arousing. The act? Meh, not great, definitely do not need it.

Sex Indifferent. Because I could take or leave real sex. I don't NEED a partner for gratification. Though, I do not mind doing it for my partner as a way to express affection to them. If I seek out sex, it is psychologically rather physically driven. Because I might do it for personal reasons, either for them or myself, but I don'tget sexual gratification from it and do not care if I never get touched by someone again or not.

Pan aesthetic. Because I find people of any gender nice to look at, even somewhat arousing briefly, though have no urge or desire to act on it whatsoever. I only entertain the idea of acting if I have some sort of bond with the person. And like I said, I find the idea of sex with someone much more pleasing than the real act.

Is this a valid label? Is it too much? Does it make sense? I'm new to the idea that I am on the ace spectrum at all and then I started realizing that some of the smaller labels applied. I had been very confused about my libido vs action vs motivation thing, until I found out about being aego, and that part makes the entire thing click for me.

Iam struggling who am i i want to rest in peace
Do i love pink or cars or am i just trying to forget my scars
By passing fast by the eras i used called peace but it’s just darkness all of the sudden i feel sadness nobody by my mystery mind tryna see what’s hidden behind all my fake smiles
But do i want company or less i have changed Iam somebody else
I don’t recognize myself but what about my friends

All my life I never really had any interest in having sex. I do get aroused and horny, but not for sex, more for stimulation and affection. I've had sex before, not a whole lot, but enough, and I never been blown away by any experience. I read this book called LOVE MAPS where they discuss, sexual paraphilias and perversions. I only mention this because I think my interest in kinks and fetishes got to me before sex did. I feel like I'm not making any sense, but my loaded question is how do you know if you're truly asexual or not? I feel like I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life because every woman I get involved with just wants sex, and once they find out that I'm not really interested in sex, they either cheat on me or just abandon me :(

so i've been reading up more about asexuality and a lot of experiences i see are somewhat shared with autism, and it's making it harder to figure out if i'm actually asexual or if it's just autism. if you're also autistic, how did you figure out you were asexual?

I got a bad period cramp so I asked a male coworker to cover my shift and told him I am on my period. I did not think much because he covered my shift when I got a cold before and I also told him I got a cold. I did not want to just say I was sick because I knew he would ask what was wrong, tell me to be careful with the weather in Texas and bla bla. I just did not think much when tell him I’m on my period cuz we are normal friends. We talk about our customers and stuff. He just said ok and hope me feel better.
The next day, a coworker who was supposed to work with me ended up working with him. She asked him where I was, and he told her I am tired because I’m on my period.
And she just sent me a long text scolding me why I talked to him about something so personal as if he were my boyfriend.
You might wonder why the work environment seems so informal.
We work at a family owned ethnic stores, so it’s not exactly a work culture with strict workplace communication and policies.
But honestly, I felt fine, I did not think I did something wrong until I got scolded by my coworker.
Also, I can casually jokes about sex. For example, when I am with my allo girl friends, and we see a hot guy passing by, I feel comfortable joining them to admire his physique and how hot he is.
Fellow aces, do you experience what I experience? Or am I a pick-me girl without me realising it? Am I socially tone deaf???

Within the community there's those who are favorable, averse and indifferent, and I hate that there's discrimination against Asexuals towards other Asexuals as well.

Those who are favorable or indifferent sometimes calls us who are averse to have a disorder or that we just suffer from purity culture or sexism, then those who are averse will sometimes gatekeep and call people who are favorable or indifferent to not be ace, or people who think being Averse/Favorable or Indifferent are just personality traits you could change if you wanted to.

I am a sex repulsed artist who will draw NSFW for commissions and in a relationship, I hate when people will assume I suffer from purity culture when many works of mine in the past have been deeply rooted in BDSM. I hate the assumption I am forcing my Allo boyfriend in a relationship when many times I've encouraged he could leave me. We've been together for years now and to him, he may be Allo but sex isn't important to him.

I could've easily ignored this if it's coming from Allo folks, but other Aces? It's awful.

I feel like I'll be downvoted heavily for this, but I need to vent. I'm jealous of sex-favorable/indifferent Asexuals for the fact my repulsion is to a point even seeing or hearing discussions brings me severe distress, and sex is something that's super normal, which obviously, nothing wrong with that, I just wish I didn't have to go through my adult life feeling so uncomfortable and it's no one's fault, Im having difficulty trying to cope.

My repulsion isn't that extreme 100% of the time, but at it's peak it feels like I'm hearing people, as funny of a metaphor it is, talking about cannibalism and the specifics of how they do it. Basically, my repulsion comes in moods, hell, there are kinks I do like seeing in fiction but even then my mood seeing it depends, the cannibalism metaphor I used is if the repulsion is at 100%.

I want to speak with other people my age without feeling like a child who doesn't want to talk about sex or kinks, which I do sometimes but that's perhaps 30% of my mood, most of the time, I'm repulsed, I think the feeling of isolation is more severe when I'm an artist in fandom spaces for adults, and of course that'll often come with discussion of NSFW often.

You know how sometimes people will go" This [ name of actor/ character] was my gay/bi awakening"?

Was thinking about that today and it made me wonder ... what would an asexual (or even aromantic) awakening look like? from other people's experiences, it seems like more of a reflection on various clues coming together and I wanted to ask then. I'm not too well versed on things

i’m not looking for sympathy i really just wanna share the sheer idiocy and ignorance ppl have displayed

“I think you are just gay”

“you have low testosterone”

“something is clearly wrong with you mentally or hormonally if you don’t want sex”

“it’s ok if you are gay really”

“it’s natural get over it”

“i know someone else who is going through an asexual phase”

“you need to be pumped with testosterone and start going to the gym” (im already very physically active and in good shape)

“sometimes you just need to meet the right person to unlock those feelings”

“how do you know if you havnt tried”

what are crazy things yall been told or asked?

For context, one day my friend was telling me that if a man in a relationship watches porn, she considers that cheating. I personally disagreed and asked why she felt that way. Her explanation was,"if a man in watching porn, that means he's getting sexually aroused by the thought of another girl." This reply made me realize I only watch porn for the fantasy/kink or the scenario of it. I don't really care what the actors look like; they're kind of like a vessel to convey the sexual situation. I never watched porn because I was specifically sexually attracted to an actor. So when she mentioned watching porn being cheating, I never even considered that people think of porn differently and are attracted to specific actors. Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm asexual.

It is kinda complicated, though, because I have felt sexual attraction (or at least what I think is sexual attraction) towards only two people, and they were like celebrity crushes. I considered greysexuality, but the sub describes greysexuals as people who rarely experience sexual attraction and feel it after forming a strong bond. However, I haven't formed a strong bond with these celebrities.

However, the thought of sex repulses me; it seems painful, too vulnerable, uncomfortable, and has a risk of various diseases. Masturbation just seems better/the same. However, that could just be a fear of intimacy.

Idk I just feel so confused, but I'm only 18, so I guess I'll figure it out.