Im scared im gonna grow old and be alone.

Today I saw a grandma helping her blind husband.
Im scared that I get some weird disease and theres no one who takes care of me.

Im scared that I wont be able to provide enough money by myself to live comfortably.

Im scared that when my parents die ill feel alone since im way more close with them then with friends.
Im not that social and most of my friends dont really meet irl that often.

Idk im stil a teenager. I found out about aroace a year back now and it really really fit with everything ive experienced. And its slowly starting to sink in that its like legit. yk.
I often just ignore stuff or play it off with humor or just be happy. Im a really positive person in that way. But sometimes it just hits me. Idk…
QPR speaks to me but I dont know how realistic it is since the people that want that are rare and i fear i am a bit picky.

I considered just having a relationship for the stability of two incomes and a partner so you have a second job to fall back on when something goes wrong and also a friend along the way.

But I really get physically uncomfortable with more then a quick platonic hug. I had an guy friend who wanted to cuddle platonically. So i thought id give it an attempt but i legit couldnt breath and kinda started panicking. And I cant really see myself having sex in any consensual way. Let alone enjoy it.

How are older aroace people doing? How did you like get through these thoughts?

For me platonic relationships are as important as romantic ones.

I have a best friend who I consider as important for me as my partner (I'm ace but not aro, and my partner shares my views in relationships). We always talk about everything and anything, we spend a lot of time together and we are always there for each other. I always tell them and show them how much I care for them, and they also often tell me how important I am for them. They are a very good and sweet friend.

We recently had a conversation and I brought up the term "amatonormativity", and how I think romantic relationships shouldn't be considered more important than other types of relationships. They said they disagree, that a romantic partner should be the most important person in your life. At that moment we just continued talking and I said I respected their views on relationships (which I do).

But later and now thinking about it, I can't help but feel sad and discouraged. I know they'd like to have a partner and I want that for them because I want them to be happy, but I have this fear that one day I might be replaced, that they'll prioritize their partner and not be there for me that much anymore. And I feel selfish because I have a partner but they don't.

I know I'm being insecure and overthinking and worrying about something that isn't happening right now. I just want to put these feelings out there and believe that, even if they get a partner one day they will still have some time for me, and be fine with not being as important to them as a partner, but still very important, because I treasure their friendship greatly, and I trust them.

Sometimes I see an attractive person and just feel this feeling that has no resolution. Sometimes it even feels uncomfortable because it has nowhere to go.

I find it interesting how since I’ve accepted being aroace (and also enby), I don’t feel like I’m performing anymore.

I’ve lowered my voice to what feels comfortable and natural, not what I guess subconsciously, I thought was “attractive”.

clothes too.

I was always the type to say “I dress for myself who tf cares” And be very apathetic about presenting for anyone’s gaze.

But I didn’t realise how much I subconsciously held myself to standards that were about being appealing to a potential partner. (Even tho … I never found anyone attractive unless aesthetic appreciation and didn’t realise I wanted to receive that too.)

Now I’ve accepted being aroace and enby, It’s affirming for both my identities and I feel sooooo much more comfortable in my own skin to just be unapologetically me without feeling weird about it.

Is there anything you’ve noticed that had changed for you?

Anyone else noticing more aroace and a-spec people coming out on social media and even IRL?

I don't know if Jaiden was the first official,but some YouTubers and Gachatubers and even Vtubers and YouTube artists I watched came out and thanked Jaiden.She really changed aroace history in my opinion.No matter how long it's been.💜

I understand wanting to vent, but it feels like this entire subreddit has become hating being aroace and feeling like you’re “missing out”. There’s so much I love about being aroace!

I love my alone time and not having to constantly be around a partner.

I love having really great friends who enjoy learning about a-spec experiences.

I love not having to deal with breakups or sifting through potentially toxic or dangerous people for the sake of finding a partner.

I love that I never need to find my “other half”. I don’t need another half, I am more than enough!

I love how I don’t view the world solely through the lens of romantic or sexual attraction. Finding out that I’m aroace helped me to shatter any allonormative ideas I had and truly broadened how I view the world.

What do you guys love about being aroace?

To start off, im demisexual/romantic and this is also a little bit of a vent. Anyways, sexuality/intimacy is an important part of a relationship to me, but i rarely feel sexual/romantic attraction unless I have an EXTREMELY SPECIFIC bond with a person. I started dating this person thinking that I was attracted to them, but I find myself to be extremely avoidant of anything romantic/sexual. I feel like I might have convinced myself I was attracted to them because I wanted to feel normal and was afraid I'd never find anyone to love again. This is really upsetting and confusing to me because I really want to be attracted to them and the have all the qualities that would usually make me bond(known them for years, similar hobbies and interests, kind to be, etc). I just can't bring myself to like them, and when I show physical attraction it feels forced. I'm not sure if I just need more time or if I truly can't be attracted to them(I think I won't be able to), but I've talked to them about this. How do I know what to do? And how do I get over the fear that I'll never be able to love someone like that again and I'll be lonely forever?

Hey. Im 20 and ive never been in the relationship, nor kissed or had sex. Actually, I dont really interact with people irl at all. Im also autistic, so that probably also plays a role in how I look at the relationships.

Ive read a lot of fanfics tho, and I enjoy what comes with a romantic relationship – cuddles, kisses, holding hands. And I really love the "found family" trope, or the thought about being able to touch or lay on someone when I want to. Maybe even kiss sometimes. And just have a person I dont have to mask my autism with. Id like to live together, to figure out housework and other human stuff with someone by my side...

And a few weeks ago Ive met someone. We somehow started interacting in a non-just-friends way from the beginning. We flirted, went to the dms and talked regularly and deeply for three weeks straight. Played videogames on discord, cried to each other, reassured each other that we are both interested and don't think that one of us is strange. I like their personality, we have a lot in common, and both are neurodivergent.

Yesterday we met in person and wandered for 5 hours talking. And they held my hand, sat next to me in the cafe and fidgeted with my hoodie drawstrings. AND IM SO SCARED TO LEAVE THEM HEARTBROKEN! When we were interacting online, I felt like giggling, jumping and telling my friends about them. I fantasised about future with that person and even though about how it would go if we try to kiss... All yesterday walk I was thinking about how it all looked like I were in a fanfic. When they were close to me I felt like I dont wanna back away. But how do I tell if im being attracted to that person or just wanna have that fanfic stuff? What if I just wanna get what I was reading about for years and its not aboti the person at all? Maybe I was overstimulated, but I didnt feel butterflies. I didn't feel really nervous like they did. I feel like Im looking at this from a side, like its not happening to me directly.

What if I just never tried it and when I do Id like it? In this case Im not aroace but just autistic. But if I tell them that I think I am aroace and we will fall apart (because they almost definitely want a romantic relationship) then Ill never know 😭 What if im like... demi? And just need more time? I feel like I must tell them that or Ill be putting on a show and play with their feelings while for me its nothing.

I need an advice, what do I say? And what is my situation is called?(

Tengo 23 años y he sido arromantica y asexual desde que tengo memoria, y aunque no estoy cerrada a que un día me guste alguien es algo que lo veo dificil

En todos esos años tampoco tuve ninguna persona interesada en mi de esa manera y así estaba bien

Hasta esta semana donde un compañero de trabajo me pidió conocernos y acepte, la verdad no me desagrada la situación como pensé que lo haría

Sin embargo todo es muy nuevo para mi, nose si esto tiene que llevar exclusivamente a un noviazgo o si no me siento cómoda o simplemente no me llega a gustar puedo decirle que no quiero mas que amistad?

Siento que estoy haciendo mal al darle "esperanza" cuando no estoy segura de que llegamos a mas pero me da pena decirle todo esto porque hemos hablado muy poco y ambos nos estamos conociendo apenas

Estoy bastante en conflicto porque yo nunca busque una relación y sigo sin quererla pero como mencioné, no me desagrada conocer a esta persona pero no se si pueda sentir lo que el espera más adelante

Que debería hacer? Me serviría muchos sus consejos o experiencias parecida

Gracias 🫰

I got this bracelet today because the colours are the same as the flag 🧡💛🤍🩵💙 however i’m not out and I’m wondering if anyone would notice. I know not many people know the flag but I am friends with a lot of queer people so idk :3

We have decided he is Aroace. Discuss with me on what to test to try proving he is Aroace.

I will admit, I am pretty picky about books lol, so a lot of discussion online has been fairly unhelpful to me. I don’t need a MAIN character to be aro or ace, and I’ll also throw a bone to characters who seem to just be coded that way as well. I just don’t like books that are ABOUT a character’s identity, it’s always really boring for me (like, I’m reading fiction to escape, not to be reminded that it sucks to be queer lmao. No hate if you do like books like that ofc) also as an add-on that might have people raise their eyebrow, I‘d prefer a male POV character. To cut to the chase, I’m a severely dysphoric trans guy who would just be more comfortable with a male MC. I’m not totally against a female MC or at all with a NB MC, but that is my preference. It’s really hard to see aro or ace guys represented anywhere, surprisingly.

I am reading currently: Vicious by V.E. Schwab. It’s ok. Cool premise so far, though the writing isn’t my favorite. The main character is ace, but it’s only stated later in the series, I think

I am planning on reading: Don’t Let the Forest In by C. G. Drews. Looks completely up my alley, and also coincidentally the character on the cover looks exactly like me lol. Compound Fracture by Andrew Joseph White. Wasn’t aware the MC was both trans AND aro in this one, so that’s sick. I started reading HFWU before having to return it to the library and wasn’t a huge fan, but this book looks more my speed I think.

Anyone have any recs? I’m a training writer right now and promise to get you guys some aro/ace rep in the future 🙏

possible aphobia but I don’t actually know if this counts or not and I don’t wanna get into trouble for not putting the right flair.

I’ve only recently become comfortable with being aroace and earlier this year, a friend of mine I’d gotten into fantasy slice of life themed RP (with 18+ elements) with, developed a crush on me and confessed.

I had already explained that I’m aroace a good while ago before this.

I told him I don’t feel romantic attraction and don’t do the whole dating thing (and while I didn’t say this, I also did not feel safe or even open to being close enough for a QPR with him specifically). He asked me if I couldn’t just roleplay it then. Roleplay our characters were inlove and had a domestic life together.

(Low-key this made me nauseous.)

I explained No, because my oc, who I have since abandoned, was aromantic too and wouldn’t want to be with anyone.

He proceeded to get very upset and put himself down and leave open-ended self deprecating comments so I’d comfort him and lower my boundaries and… ig pity date him.

I remembered this today and it honestly really bugged me that he thought it was appropriate to not take the boundary and actually try to tunnel his way around it.

I handled it well tbh. Havent spoken the whole year and I’m defo not going back.

Anyone else experienced anything like this?

EDIT: apparently this is common in the D&D space. But idk. I’ve only gotten into D&D within the last year and I’m not part of the community so yeah idk.

I am pretty sure I am aromantic, at least to some degree, but I'm struggling to find a label that clicks.

I would describe myself as having little to no attraction, as I've only had one 'real' crush, and even that one is iffy.

Romance favorable, I want to hold hands and maybe kiss, idk

(Nothing more though, I am a sex-repulsed ace!! 💜🤍🩶🖤)

I like the theoretical idea of a relationship and but not very much in reality, so I don't know if I'll ever have a "committed" one (unless the stars aligned ), and I don't really like how they would work realistically

The closest labels I've found are cupioromantic and bellusromantic, but those are kind of contradictory, and the definition for them both say NO romantic attraction, but I might have some????

So I'm in a weird spot where I may or may not feel romantic attraction, theoretically (but not really??) want a romantic relationship, and definitely do want to do romantic things like hold hands

I'm just wondering if there's a sort of label that fits a little better or if I should keep saying I'm bellusromantic :(

I've never used reddit before I js need help X(

I'll answer any questions or anything if/when I get the chance

Any help is appreciated!!!!!!

Estoy dentro de ambos espectros, todavia no se especificamente que soy, pero se que no quiero sexo ni nada relacionado, ni besos en la boca, ni "te amo", ni abrazos por la espalda, ni toqueteos, NADA. Aun asi me encantaria formar una QPR con una o mas personas, CASARME por dios quiero casarme, adoptar hijos y criarlos de la forma mas amorosa y respetuosa posible :)

Pero es mas facil que el sol explote mañana a que yo pueda cumplir esa vida deseada pero okkkkkkkkk

Diganme que no estoy loca ni que soy la unica porfa😭😭😭

(Aphobia warning)

Hello, first time posting here. I’m sorry ahead of time if I made a mistake— I’ve been lurking so I am also sorry about that as well.

The reason why I am asking is because of something that really made me question my Aro-Ace identity, but before that a little backstory is needed for the full picture.

Since young, I’ve never been really interested in romantic relationships despite the fact I’ve had crushes in the past but I never really went through with it and/or it also repulsed me.

Same goes with anything sexually-related, it’s both a decision and a repulsion. I enjoy entertainments about sex (books, mangas, movies, etc, etc), but doing it in real life both terrifies me and makes me uncomfortable. It’s thanks to JaidenAnimation I was able to find myself and that I’m not alone when it comes to love and sex.

But a classmate (not a friend, we’re not that close yet) who also identifies as Aro-Ace, said that I am not Aro-Ace because I enjoy reading about sex and romance. Which is strange because they like similar things I do. That statement hurt me, and it felt like my stable anchor to the world is just falling apart, especially when I am barely able to piece myself back together (some personal life issues). I’m so lost at this point, I don’t know if I’m Aro-Ace anymore.

Please don’t hesitate to tell me the truth, but please don’t bluntly say it in a way that sounds dismissive and uncaring— just a statement that softens the pain a bit. Something like that, I apologize for rambling it’s late for me but this kept me up. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Edit: Thank you to everyone to your kindness and understanding, I’m the type to not want to start conflict with others but after seeing everyone’s posts— I have decided to talk to this classmate about this issue. Don’t worry, I plan on just simply figuring out our relationship and cut it off if necessary. We will simply remain as classmate and colleague if it reaches that point (I’m in a small college, hence why I have to state this). Thank you guys again 💖💖💖

Edit 2: Hello, I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time and helping me out so much. I also wanted to send out a final update so that everyone will have a peace of mind— I talked to the classmate and we both fixed the issue. I got an apology albeit that it was… not that great at first but they pulled it off at the end. Other than that, I’ll be healing from the statement and dive even deeper into the details of Aro-Ace and its sub-groups! Again, thank you guys for all the love and support 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

One of my goals for the year is to read 1-2 books per month with ace and/or aro rep and post a review on this subreddit. I'm reading through the alphabet in order, with one book with a title that starts with that letter of the alphabet.

My book for the letter S was She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan.

Genre: Adult historical fantasy

Summary: After her father and brother are killed in a bandit attack, a girl decides to assume her brother's identity so she can have his fate of greatness. Her path takes her first to a Buddhist monastery, but as tensions between the Mongol empire and the Red Turban rebels rise, she finds herself joining the rebel forces with an all-consuming goal of becoming great.

Rep: The main character, Zhu Chongba, is a sex-favorable asexual. This is lightly implied in a few spots, and is not focused on or really explored, but the author has confirmed that she is meant to be asexual.

Quotes: (spoilers for mentions of NSFW content, rather than plot spoilers)

These days [Zhu] wasn't the only person looking at her body, either. Ma's embarrassed, sideways interest in her nakedness felt as intimate as a touch. For all that Zhu had never taken much of an interest in the business of rain and clouds [sex], she liked the warm frisson of power that came from knowing another's private desire. It made her feel protective. A little mischievous.

[Zhu] never needed anything [sexually] from Ma in return, which made Ma slightly sad.

Other thoughts:

I thought this was a good read. It considers some complex themes, mainly gender identity and what people are willing to do to achieve their goals, in a fairly deep way. Both Zhu and the most important secondary POV character, the eunuch general of the Mongol army Ouyang, are morally gray (at best). I'm not usually drawn to morally gray characters, but if the author can at least make them sympathetic, I don't mind too much, and I think Parker-Chan did succeed in making them sympathetic. While this book is generally categorized as fantasy, it contains very few fantasy elements (mainly ghosts and the mandate of heaven being visible), and those aren't a big focus of the plot. This is mainly a Chinese historical drama. If you like epic fantasy for the character explorations and journeys, this might be something you enjoy, but if you're looking for fancy, flashy, or in-depth magic systems or lots of action scenes this book will likely disappoint.

Content warnings: There is an on-page sexscene at the beginning of chapter 21 (fisting, actually), as well as a couple other times when the POV character sees someone else having sexor there are fade-to-black scenes where it's clear that the characters will have sex, but it's not on-page.

The characters (and their society in general) also have a lot of internalized misogyny, and the eunuch general, Ouyang, in particular has an extremely negative view of women to the point where he's pretty much repulsed by them. (There are some kind of complex reasons for this, which are explored in the book, but basically boil down to, since he's a eunuch, other people see him as not really a man or as almost a woman, which is distressing for him as a man.) The book is not supporting misogyny (the opposite), but is exploring gender identity and other themes in a misogynistic society. I do understand that some readers would prefer to avoid misogyny, even in a book that isn't supporting it, which is why I mention it here.

Homophobia is also present in a similar manner to the misogyny (present in society and many of the characters, but explored in a way that shows it to be negative), but comes up a lot less than the misogyny.

Because I do still tend to feel romantic feelings sometimes but I also get confused about it because my platonic feelings are very strong. I’m in a relationship right now after they reciprocated my feelings and now I’m starting to lose feelings in them really fast. It’s happened in a lot of my relationships.

I’m mostly repulsed by sexual things but sometimes it kinda just randomly goes away and I’m way more interested in those things than usual.